


We'll Meet Again

by Retrogeekgal



Category: Captain America, Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 1940s, Angry Tony Stark, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety Attacks, Apologies, Arguing, Attempted Seduction, Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Beating, Begging, Bets & Wagers, Birthday Fluff, Birthday Presents, Birthday Sex, Blood and Injury, Blood and Torture, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Boston, Break Up, Breathplay, Bubble Bath, Bucky Barnes gets to be funny, Burns, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain kink, Character Death, Choking, Closure, Coma, Concussions, Conflict Resolution, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cunnilingus, Dark Past, Dark!Steve, Death, Death Threats, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Domestic Avengers, Dreams and Nightmares, Duct Tape, Elevator Sex, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Evil Plans, F/M, Face Punching, Face Slapping, Falling In Love, Family Secrets, Fear, Feelings, Female Reader, Fertility Issues, Fights, First Dance, First Time Blow Jobs, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gags, Getting Back Together, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Gun Violence, Head Injury, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Home, Hotel Sex, Howard Stark's Good Parenting, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), Hydra Steve Rogers, Injury Recovery, Internal Conflict, Jealous Steve Rogers, Jealousy, Kidnapping, Kitchen Sex, Life-Affirming Sex, Lingerie, Long-Term Relationship(s), Magical Pregnancy, Major Character Injury, Makeup Sex, Marriage, Married Sex, Memories, Military Kink, Mind Control, Mostly Canon Compliant, Multiple Orgasms, Multiverse, Murder, Naked Female Clothed Male, New York City, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Touching, Office Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, Past Violence, Physical Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Plot Twists, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Sex, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reader-Insert, Reconciliation, Recovery, References to Depression, Relationship Discussions, Restraints, Revenge, Sadism, Seduction, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Serious Injuries, Sexual Tension, Shame, Shameless Smut, Shooting, Soulmates, Steve Angst, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers gets to be funny, Steve is brainwashed by Hydra, Steve rogers knows what he's doing, Suffering, Suit Kink, Survivor Guilt, Therapy, Threats, Threats of Violence, Time Travel, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Torture, Trauma, Vaginal Fingering, Verbal Humiliation, Wall Sex, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Night, Weddings, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, World War II, almost, bathtub apology, but they get through it, just this once, some really bad shit happens, there's a happy ending, took a few liberties, we promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:01:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 88
Words: 295,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22192213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Retrogeekgal/pseuds/Retrogeekgal
Summary: Shortly after Steve's disappearance in 1945, you're attacked by what you think is a Hydra operative on an S.S.R mission. When you wake up again, you realize that you've been frozen for over seventy years. Somehow you survived what happened to you, but more importantly, the love of your life, the man you thought you lost forever - is alive.Trying to navigate the present day and find your place in Steve's life again proves to be challenging. Especially when there are forces at work determined to shatter the life you and Steve are building. Hydra will stop at nothing to destroy you both, even if it means manipulating the very person you care for most. You love Steve more than anything, but will it be enough to withstand what Hydra has planned for you?*Updates E/O Thursday night!*
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, Loki (Marvel) & Reader, Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Reader, Tony Stark & Reader
Comments: 551
Kudos: 496





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This will be an epic multi-chapter Fic collaboration between myself and close friend.  
> And dear reader, we put our characters through the ringer.  
> There's all sorts of tropes so buckle in buttercups- it's gonna be a hell of a ride :)

You open your eyes, feeling groggy as you try to focus on the room. From the sterile white walls to the beeping equipment all around you, none of it seems familiar. This must be some sort of hospital room, you just don't understand how you came to be there. 

It doesn’t make sense, the last thing you remembered was intense cold before everything going dark. Your eyes dart towards the curtain as you hear footsteps and voices approaching. Your ears strain to get as much detail as you can. 

“I appreciate you coming down so quick, I didn’t want to do this without you.” You hear a man’s hushed voice explain as he lets out a heavy sigh. “We recovered someone from that old base during the routine sweep.” 

“Is it a Hydra operative?”

Your brow furrows at the sound of the new voice. The rich timbre you hear seems familiar to you, like a melody you heard as a child but couldn't fully remember.

“Not sure, but I figured you’d want to be the one to question her.” The first voice responds and this time it sounds like the men are right on the other side of the curtain. You slide down into the bed, biting down hard on your bottom lip as he continues. “She was found with an S.S.R. pin on her.” 

_“She_ had an S.S.R. pin? I haven’t seen one of those since before I went into the ice.” 

“Take a look for yourself.” 

The curtain slides back and you look up. You may not have recognized his voice through your fogginess but you could never forget the handsome lines of his face.You feel your eyes widen in disbelief as you take him in. You can’t believe this, it’s simply not possible. Steve Rogers is standing in front of you, alive and whole.

The man you had given your heart to, the man you had spent the last year mourning, frowns as he holds your S.S.R. pin in his left hand.

“How is this possible?” The two of you ask at the same time and you find you are unable to tear your eyes from each other. 

“Share with the class?” The second man asks, soft brown eyes moving between the two of you. Glancing at him you realize that he has a familiar look to him, but you are too disoriented to properly place it.

Without a word, you move to stand. You can hold yourself up but you wobble slightly as you try to walk. Steve is quickly by your side, wrapping his arms gently around you. “Can you tell me what happened?” He asks, his voice laced with confusion and disbelief. 

For a moment, you stare into his eyes, finding concern etched around his features. You had thought about him every single day for the past year. Now, you can’t seem to make sense of what’s happening and that thought frightens you.

You heard him go into the ice, you'd never be able to forget that day. And yet, unless you've lost you mind, here he is. Whole and alive.

“I…” You start, speaking before you can gather your thoughts. “There were five of us…. I remember, I remember a fight…” You trail off and your eyes grow wide with panic.

“What’s the matter?” Steve asks, confusion clouding his face as he watches you.

_Bucky… He’s alive._

You furrow your brow as you try to decide what to say to him.Telling Steve about his best friend would only hurt him. “My head’s foggy...” You settle on this answer, hoping that he won’t push further. 

Steve’s voice brings you back to the moment. “Can you remember anything else?” 

You bite down on your bottom lip once again, trying to put all the pieces together. “Uh. I remember cold. It was like an icebox…. Then nothing until I woke up here.” 

It’s obvious by the look on Steve’s face that he’s just as confused as you are. He steps away from you, turning to the stranger. “Tony, I need your word. This stays from the rest of the team until I can sort this out.”

The stranger, Tony, gives a smirk. “Keeping secrets huh, Cap?” He quickly glances at you. “Whoo boy, what a Clusterfuck.” 

“Language!” You and Steve scold him simultaneously. You smile up at him. _Old habits die hard, I suppose._

Tony takes a half step back as he looks between the two of you, a mixture of shock and incredulity on his face. “Jesus Christ. There’s two of them!” You reflexively start to scold him again but he throws up his hands.

 _“I can’t_.” He gives a chuckle and claps Steve on the shoulder. “You got this buddy. I’ll keep quiet to the team.” He turns on his heels and makes his way down the hall, still yelling ‘ _there’s two of them_ ’ as he goes. 

Steve shakes his head fondly and moves back to you. He gently helps you back into the bed, sitting on the edge of it once you've made yourself comfortable. 

“This isn’t possible.” You tell him, peering up at him with misty eyes. Steve looks down at his hands, sighing softly. “The whole country mourned you. Steve, _I_ mourned you!” 

“I know.” His response is soft, infuriating you when he refuses to meet your eyes.

“I don’t understand, Steve. I _heard_ you go into the ice a year ago…. Have you been alive this whole time?” 

At that, he glances up at you. Deep cerulean eyes meet yours and you can’t help but feel your heart flutter wildly in your chest. “Technically, yes but it’s been a lot longer than a year sweetheart. And its a bit more complicated that you'd think.” 

You tilt your head, brows knitting together. “How long?” You don't remember anything after the cold but surely you couldn’t have been out for longer than a few months, a year at the most.

Steve looks mostly the same as he did when you last kissed him goodbye at the base. Age hasn’t changed his features in anyway to indicate a significant passage of time. His hair is different, shaggier than before. Still, you want to run your hands through it and pull him close. 

“Over seventy.” He answers hesitantly, meeting your eyes.

“Did you say seventy?” You can feel your stomach clench as he nods. _Impossible._

“Give or take.” His smile is small and for a moment you think he's joking with you.

“That’s impossible.” You murmur, out loud this time. Your voice trembles when you speak, betraying your anxious thoughts. 

Steve stands, crossing the small room. He pulls the curtain back even more, revealing more medical equipment that you've never encountered before. As skilled as Howard Stark was, you know in your heart that this is even too advanced for him.

Your eyes slide to him as he tells you the year. Your pulse races as you struggle to comprehend what he's just said. 

“H-how?” The shock in your voice clearly evident to the both of you. He moves back to the bed as he begins to explain everything.

Your head spins as Steve fills you in on the crash, being frozen, and being recovered by S.H.I.E.L.D., Which, he tells you with a small smile, is what the S.S.R eventually became. 

“Is… Is that what was done to me?” You ask nervously as he finishes speaking.

The words have an impact on him that you weren’t expecting. You watch his body stiffen with tension. Uncomfortable confusion mingles with dread across his face. “ _What_?” He whispers. 

You don’t know how to answer. Bucky had been his best friend, and one of yours, but you have to keep this from him. You choose your words carefully.

“The agents at the Hydra base. We were ambushed -” Before you can elaborate further, a red headed woman bursts into the hospital room.

She looks to be about the same age as you are. You mentally correct yourself, _were,_ but the long braid laying on her shoulder gives her a look of innocence you’re sure is a deliberate move. She looks you over for a moment before turning to Steve.

“Well, now I know why Tony was yelling.” She thinly smiles at you. “Our mystery woman is awake.” 

Steve looks at you for a moment before standing. “Nat, could you give us a minute please?” He smiles easily but you can hear an undercurrent of discomfort and distress in the tone of his voice.

_He doesn’t want her here._

_Y_ ou wonder why. They're clearly familiar with each other so the uneasy way his eyes slide from her to you makes your stomach twist.

“No, I will not.” The woman, Nat, folds her arms across her chest, defiantly standing her ground. 

The two seem to wage a battle of wills, leaving an oppressive silence hanging in the air. You shift under the blankets as you finally find your voice again. “Excuse me." You don't mean to interrupt but the room is too filled with tension for your comfort. 

Both of them turn to you as you speak. “Where is my satchel? It has all my belongings and I would really like to have them back.” You almost feel like a child who had interrupted your parents fighting. _They’re your things, you’re allowed to ask for them._

“Everything you own is on your body.” Nat curtly replies. The tone is not unkind, just matter-of-fact but you feel your heart start to race anyway.

You know the panic is showing all over your face. There were things in that satchel that were of utmost importance. Things that shouldn’t and couldn't fall into the wrong hands. 

Seeing the panic on your face, Steve nods slightly and lowers his voice, clearly in an attempt to placate her and not distress you further.

“Nat, could you get her something appropriate to wear?" Steve asks, turning to her. "Maybe a dress? I promise you I will tell you all I know, as soon as I’m able.”

Nat nods to him and heads back down the hallway with a word to you. 

“I need that satchel.” You barely wait for her to be out of earshot. You need him to know that it’s important, that you can’t just forget about it. 

“Everything was probably destroyed,” he explains. The words feel like a rock in your stomach. “But I will personally look into it.” He promises with a soft smile.

After only a few minutes, Nat returns. You can’t see the dress in her hands but you do see Steve shake his head at her. “Nat, _come on_.” His eyes move to you then the dress once more. 

“Let me see?" You ask softly. 

Nat turns to you, proudly holding up the dress. You stare at it, eyes wide as you take in the garment. It is nothing like you’re used to seeing.

The fabric is so sheer that you can almost see her through it and it barely comes to her mid thigh as she holds it against herself. “Uh… Where’s the rest of it?” You ask, trying not to let color creep into your cheeks. 

She looks between you and the dress, humor sparkling in her eyes. “This is the most conservative thing that I own.” 

Steve pulls her aside, lowering his voice once again. “Pretend like you’re dressing your Nana, okay?” 

“This was a gift from my Nana.” You can’t tell if she’s serious.

“Of course it is.” He sighs, glancing over to you. “Just look up 1940’s fashion and start -” 

“Maybe just a blouse and some trousers?” You ask, cutting him off. _That should be a safe bet right?_ Nat and Steve exchange a look and she nods as she, once again, makes her way back down the hall. 

“I’m so sorry, darling.” Steve answers sheepishly, shrugs his shoulders as he glances between the two of you. 

You brush off the apology with a small smile. This isn’t your time and you have to try and remember that. Women’s fashion clearly has evolved since 1946. You have yet to decide whether its for the better.

_So has men’s apparently._

Your eyes roam over the handsome man in front of you. Gone are the loose fitting trouser pants and button downs you're used to seeing and in their place are tighter fitting jeans and a cotton tee shirt. On Steve at least, you definitely approve.

Steve shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he walks back to your bedside. You reach out, touching the beard that now covers his jaw.

The action shocks you almost more than it does him, but neither of you pull away. “I like this.” A smile slides across your face. “You _are_ planning to keep it, right?” 

He returns the smile easily, making your heart swell like it did when you first met him. “Yes, ma’am.” 

  
  
  



	2. Chapter Two

Steve easily keeps pace with you as you walk down one of the corridors in the seemingly endless compound. It still feels like a dream to be beside him. Despite this feeling of bliss, you are a little wary. No one person is allowed to have this much happiness without consequence.

You know it would completely destroy you if all of this was taken from you- again.

Tony passes you both and you are pulled from your thoughts. He is deep in an argument with an older man, debating facets of the secret communications system. You stop and turn back as Steve continues down the hall, realizing that both men are wrong. 

“Gentlemen, you are both incorrect.” The words slip from your mouth before you can stop them.

All three men stop and turn to you as you continue with your thought. “It uses _two_ , not three, motor-driven rolls- like a piano, and is synchronized with eighty-eight frequencies. The rolls are then installed in a transmitter _before_ being installed on board the torpedo.” 

“She’s right.” The new man's eyes widen imperceptibly, astonishment clear in his voice. He stares down at what Steve calls a cell phone and turns the device to Tony. “How do you know that?” 

You shrug as your mouth twists into a knowing smirk. “It’s simple, really.” Hearing Steve chuckle softly behind you, you turn and give him a smile. He knows you so well. “How do you not know?” Your eyes move back to the other two men in the hallway.

“But seriously,” The older man adjusts his spectacles and asks with a confused laugh. “How do you know about that?” 

“Oh,” The genuine question surprises you. It wasn’t often that someone actually questioned you when it came to things like this. “Hedy and I went back and forth for months about it. Honestly, it was exhausting but well worth the time we put in.” 

“Hedy Lemarr?” Tony asks, eyes wide as he looks between you and Steve.

“Yes." You fold your arms across your chest. "We were very good friends.” 

Both men stare at you for a moment, as if they didn’t fully understand what you are trying to tell them. “Friends?” The older man asks, eyes moving to Tony briefly. “When?” 

“Uh,” You pause to think. It had been years since someone had asked about Hedy in this way. “We met in late ‘42, I believe. George introduced us at a party in Los Angeles. It was dreadfully boring until we started chatting. Hedy used to be such a gas.” 

“George Antheil?” 

You turn to Steve, letting out an exasperated sigh. _I thought he said that Tony was brilliant?_ “Am I not explaining myself clearly?” 

"You're explaining just fine." Steve chuckles, shaking his head at the three of you. The sound brings comfort along with it. “I think its the believing that's taking them a minute."

He gestures toward the gentleman in glasses. "Darling, this is Dr. Bruce Banner. Those two are kind of the brains of the team.” 

This time it’s Tony who speaks. “Wait, wait, wait.” 

“Oh my god, you’re…” Dr. Banner trails off as he finally seems to understand. _"_ You and the Captain were..." 

“Yes.” You flash the two men a smile as they stand frozen in shock. In a way, you find it funny. Most people of your time recognized you right off the bat, often times because of your relationship with Steve. You couldn't be Captain America's sweetheart and not be noticed. 

But your picture had also been in dozens of newspapers for your work with Hedy on the communications system. You had written a few different articles on the subject before you met Steve.

And during the war, your work with Howard on the weapons used to defeat Hydra was celebrated across the country. He had done most of the heavy lifting but he always made sure to give credit where it was due. 

Dr. Banner stares at you. You can see that everything is trying to come together but is falling short for him. Not that you can really blame him, _you_ still don’t fully understand how you’re here. “How is this possible? You died back in 1946.”

"She disappeared, not died." Tony points out. "But that’s a story for another time big guy."

“I will tell you, an icebox for seventy years is not the most comfortable thing,” You pause to let the information sink in. “Though, it does do wonders for the complexion. Honestly, I think Hedy would be jealous.”

Steve calls your name and you turn, making your way to him. As the pair of you round the corner, you can hear Tony telling Dr. Banner ‘she’s great, right?’ 


	3. Chapter Three

“What do you have there?”

You look up to see Tony standing in front of you, pointing at the book nestled in your lap. His soft brown eyes sparkle at you when he smiles; now that you've connected the dots, the resemblance to his father is uncanny.

You’re currently sitting in the large common area of the compound with your legs tucked under you. With Steve leading a training exercise downstairs, you’ve decided on a quiet day for yourself. 

“It was my favorite." You tell him, closing the book. "And Then There Were None.” 

Sitting down beside you, he takes the book and flips it over to read the synopsis. “Agatha Christie. Yeah, I think I read this a long time ago.” 

You watch him, eyes moving over his familiar features as you recall the conversation you had with Steve less than a day ago. 

_“How much do you remember Howard?” You had asked the question as you sat across from Steve at breakfast._

_Paper in one hand, coffee in the other, he had responded without looking up. “Stark? I remember plenty. Why do you ask?”_

_“I almost feel silly for saying it, but it’s just that Tony reminds me a lot of him.”_

_Steve laughed as he folded the newspaper, meeting your eyes across the table. “Well he would, wouldn’t he?”_

_You raised an eyebrow at him, confused. “What do you mean?”_

_“Tony’s his only son.” Steve informed you, his tone matter of fact. "Trust me, he's got plenty of Howard’s personality. The impulsiveness, the showmanship. But under it all, Tony’s a good guy. Better at diplomacy than his father ever was. I'm glad to have him as my partner here."_

_"Well that makes complete sense." You settled back in your chair. "Tony looks just like him. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm with Howard when we talk in the workshop."_

_You smiled at him then. "Darling, you should know. Howard took me out a couple of times, after you..." You trailed off, unable to finish your sentence. "But I assure you, it was nothing serious. He was a good friend. I'm glad that his son is a good man."_

_Steve didn’t comment on your utterance of Howard taking you out. Instead, he smiled as he reached across the table to take your hand. "He is. I'd say Tony's just as much of a playboy too, but his fiancé, Pepper, keeps him in line."_

You blink as Tony says your name and you realize that you hadn’t listened to a word he had said. “I’m so sorry, I got lost in my own thoughts. What did you say?” 

“I said,” he hands you back the book and stands, extending his hand to you. “I was hoping to find you, I'd like to show you something.” 

He leads you through the compound towards your suite. “Uh.” You feel slightly hesitant as he pushes open the door. "What are we doing in my room?"

“Humor me.” He says innocently but when he smirks, it’s full of mischief and once again you can see just how much he resembles Howard. 

By the time the two of you enter your bedroom, your heart is racing uncomfortably. Not even Steve has been in here and you recall clearly his comment about Tony once being a playboy.

Sensing your confusion and slight concern at this odd turn of events, Tony releases your hand as he walks to the closet door.

“I took the liberty of getting your measurements from the clothes you were found with." He grins as he pulls open the doors. “And I had a few pieces made for you. Honestly, I didn’t think you’d mind since everything Nat gives you makes you blush.” 

He steps out of the way and you stare at the closet full of clothing - dresses, trousers, soft silk blouses. He's spared no expense and you find yourself speechless as he pushes on. “Pepper did some research to make sure they were all things you would be comfortable wearing.” 

“Tony,” You pause, eyes still scanning over everything. “It’s too much.” 

“It’s _not_ too much.” He responds kindly. “We want you to fit in and feel like part of the team. And you gotta wear clothes. What kind of ship do you think I'd be running if that were optional?”

In this moment, it truly feels like you’re speaking to Howard. You smile at him warmly. _Clearly grand gestures run in the family._ “Are you sure?” 

Tony nods with a quick wink. “Just don’t go telling everyone I did this for you, they’ll all expect new wardrobes.” You can hear the teasing in his tone. He reaches in and pulls out one of the dresses for you with a smile. “Why don’t we give those jeans back to Nat?” 

“Thank you.” Your face flushes as you take the hanger and disappear across the room into the bathroom. 

A few moments later, you emerge wearing a soft floral pattern dress and find him leaning against the wall, waiting for you. “That’s better!" He unfolds his arms and appraises you kindly. "How do you feel?”

“Like myself.” You admit softly and for the first time since you woke up, you mean it. 

"Excellent.” Tony clears his throat, a gesture you remember his father did when he wanted to change the subject.

With a grin, he claps his hands together. “Well, I’m starving…. Can’t cook worth a damn but I can make you a mean peanut butter and jelly!”

You laugh lightly, following him from your suite. “Oh no, I’ll cook.” 

As the two of you head back towards the kitchen, you hear a voice booming from behind you. “Ayyy Tony! Did you get a chance to look over the specs for my wing upgrade?” 

You turn to see who the newcomer is as he carries on excitedly. “Oh! Is it Steve’s birthday?” The young man jogs up, eyes moving over you. “Did you get him a stripper?”

He lowers his voice in a conspiratorial tone. “Cause my boy _needs_ to get laid!” When he laughs and elbows you, you can't keep the harassed expression off your face.

“Sam, remember the woman we found in ice a week ago?” Tony waits for the man to acknowledge before continuing.

“Well buddy, this is her.” He introduces you and it’s obvious that Sam is embarrassed by how nervous he's become. “Her and the Cap were a thing back in the day," Tony continues with a grin."Technically still are… So no, Sam. Definitely not a stripper.” 

“I’m so sorry, ma’am.” Sam offers awkwardly. “Maybe we don’t tell Steve about this...” His eyes move to Tony, who smirks in response as he leads you away from a shamefaced Sam. 

You turn to Tony, furrowing your brow as you walk. “Stripper? Like those girls who volunteered to help out nurses? With the cute little striped outfits?” 

He belly laughs and you have no idea why. “Sure, that’s _exactly_ what he’s talking about.” 

“I can see so much of your father in you," you confess, smiling as you watch him. "Especially when you laugh. Your eyes crinkle at the edges the way his did.” 

“What?” He looks startled by the comment. “My father?” 

You nod, letting your smile grow. ”Steve and I knew Howard very well, he even taught me to fly. Has he never told you that?”

“I knew my old man knew Cap." Tony rolls his eyes before hardening his gaze. "It's all he ever talked about. But Cap and I don't talk about Howard much. Dear old dad is sort of a sore spot for me.”

“Tony, I’m so sorry to hear that.” You stop and gently touch his arm. “I wish he were still alive to see the man you’ve become. What you’ve done for the world with your technology and what you’ve done to support the team, it would make him so proud.” 

He lets out a bitter laugh at the comment. “Yeah, I doubt that. He was too self-centered to even know I was alive."

“That doesn’t sound like the Howard I knew at all.” You shrug your shoulders. “He was always so generous when he took me out.” You continue down the hallway, turning into the kitchen. 

“Wait…What?!” Tony rushes into the kitchen a moment after you. “Took you out? Like on a date? Did you date my dad?!” 

You turn to him as you open the refrigerator. “Only a few times. Honestly, we were much better friends than anything.” 

“Which worked out nicely for everyone in the end, huh?” You both turn at the voice and see Steve standing in the doorway, wearing a Cheshire cat like grin.

“She could’ve been your mother, Tony." Steve smirks as he strides into the room. "I wonder what that would've made me? Posthumous uncle? Godfather maybe?" 

Tony stares at you, both eyebrows raised as his mouth hangs slightly open. "Nope, not entertaining that thought. _At all_." He shudders as he pushes past Steve. “Try to do something nice and you learn things you did _not_ wanna know.” 


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See endnotes for outtake that we couldn't fit but was too funny to not post

In an effort to create a sense of normalcy for you, Steve asks you out for a walk around the compound. When you open the door to your suite, you find him standing there in pressed trouser pants and a crisp plaid button down.

He gives you a big, goofy grin as he holds up a picnic basket. “There’s a lot to see and I figured we might get hungry” 

“Lead the way.” You smile at his thoughtfulness and loop your arm through his.

 _He was right,_ you think as you cross a wooden bridge about a mile from the main building, _there is quite a bit to see._

In the clearing up ahead, you see a red and white checkered blanket with pillows strewn about the space. Surprise lights up your face, “Did you do all this?” You ask, turning to smile at him. 

He flashes a wide grin, letting go of your arm. “Since I’ve been so busy the last two days, I wanted to do something nice for you.” 

“Oh sweetheart, I…” You find yourself speechless, but not at all surprised by how much love you still have for him. 

“Come on doll,” he holds an outstretched hand to you and for one moment, the rest of the world melts away. This is still your Steve, the time apart has changed many things, but not this weightless, wonderful feeling.

He leads you to the blanket, only releasing your hand to set down the basket. He assists you first, making sure you are comfortable and then settles down himself.

You smile over at him, flattening down the skirt on your dress and you are reminded of the summer of ‘44- the last one you spent with him. It was the best time of your life then, warm days filled with picnics, county fairs and evenings that you wished would never end. 

You let him take the lead as he directs the conversation to your adjustment in this new time. You answer as honestly as you can. There are definitely things you miss about home but being in the twenty first century does have plenty of advantages. 

“Google is amazing." You exclaim in excitement. "I ask the box a question and it gives me hundreds of answers!”

Steve smiles at you, shaking his head. “I remember when they first showed it to me.” His eyes widen at a sudden memory. “You know, I kept a journal of all the things I missed when I was in the ice. I’ll get it for you. I found it to be useful.”

You nod, grinning at him. Anything that could help explain how this time worked would be welcomed. “I’d really appreciate that.” ****

Comfortable conversation carries on for sometime, it’s still so easy to be yourself around him. Your stomach rumbles, making you laugh at the sound it makes. Steve laughs too and opens the basket to peer inside.

“Let’s get some food in you.” He pulls out a basket of strawberries and what looks like a tiny canister with red script on its side. 

“What on earth is that?” You ask, eyeing the bottle suspiciously. 

“Only the best advancement in technology this century has to offer. Whipped cream.” He shakes the can and tips it into his mouth. The noise startles you but you can’t help laughing when he pops a strawberry into his mouth after and chews. “Try it,” he suggests, handing it over. “I promise you’ll love it.”

You suspiciously take the can from him and copy his actions, shaking it and tipping the nozzle back into your own mouth. It tastes sweeter than you remember whipped cream to be but it’s delicious anyway.

Popping a berry into your mouth, you do have to agree with him. You love it. “Guess this means I don’t have to make it by hand anymore, huh?” 

Steve laughs, low at first then a full belly laugh erupts from inside him for a good minute. _It’s so nice to see him like this,_ you think and notice that he has slowed his laugh to gaze softly in your direction. 

“What are you smiling at?” You ask, color rising in your cheeks. 

“ _You_.” Steve admits, his deep blue eyes shining softly. “I am the luckiest man in the world right now.” He leans forward to tuck a loose curl behind your ear and you lean into the touch. His hand is warm and gentle as he caresses your cheek.

“I thought I lost you forever,” you whisper as he cups your face with both his hands. You feel tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you try to blink them away unsuccessfully. 

“Shhh.” He wipes a stray tear with his thumb and tips your head back. “I’m not going to leave you behind again, you have my word.”

You close your eyes as he leans forward, waiting breathlessly for his lips to touch yours.

Bright light erupts behind you, and Steve instinctively moves to shield you from it. You both jump up ready to go on the defensive if you need to. 

About ten feet from where you stand, a broad shouldered man stands where the light had been moments ago. He looks to you, then to Steve, and breaks into a wide grin as recognition shines on his face. 

“Captain!” He exclaims loudly and crosses the distance in four long steps. “I did not expect to see you out here upon my return to Midgard. ‘Tis a happy day indeed!”

You're dumbfounded by the spectacle in front of you. “Steve? Do you know this, _man_?” Man isn’t quite the right word though, he is easily almost seven feet tall and covered in what looks to be theatrical armor.

The man turns his attention to you and smiles warmly. “Captain, who would this lovely maiden be?”

Steve laughs and introduces you with confidence then looks to you with a genuine smile, “Sweetheart, this is Thor.”

You move to shake his hand and instead, he lifts you into a bear hug. The action momentarily startles you, causing you to shift around him to get the upper hand. Hooking your legs around one of his, you twist and knock him flat on the ground.

Both men stare, shocked, as you straighten the hem of your dress. “It’s rude to lift a lady without her permission.” 

Thor barks out a laugh as Steve helps him to his feet. “I do not know where you found this lovely creature, but I heartily approve.”

“It’s a long story Thor, but I’m glad you like her.” He claps the man’s arm as he smiles. 

Thor notices the basket on the ground and strides over to it, “Strawberries!” He plucks one from the basket, quickly popping it into his mouth. 

“Steve, who exactly is this man?” You huff out, mildly annoyed by the last few minutes. 

He turns to you, “Thor? He’s an ally but don’t let the armor scare you off. He’s really a teddy bear. Practically a god, and the only one at the compound who is older than me. Would you believe he’s 1500 years old?”

“A god? There’s only one God Steve, and he certainly doesn’t dress like that.”

Steve lets out another burst of laughter and leads you over to Thor and the discarded picnic basket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***
> 
> -Inside Tony's office, watching security footage of the picnic-  
> -Tony, Nat, Bruce, and Sam-
> 
> Sam: Oh I bet you he'll kiss her before they eat.  
> Nat: He's a gentleman, he's gonna wait  
> Tony: I dunno, he's got over seventy years of pent up sexual frustration... I'd explode.  
> Sam: It's a bet.$20 he doesn't wait.  
> Bruce: I really don't think we should be talking about this. It's kinda weird to be watching them  
> Nat: Oh that's a bet I'll take. And relax. If it starts getting heavy, we'll shut it off but I'm definitely not passing up the opportunity to take these fools money. Steve's a gentleman.  
> -watches the pair eat something-  
> Sam and Tony: Damnit!  
> Nat: Told you  
> Sam: Double or nothing! Kisses her in the next five minutes.  
> Nat: I mean... That's an easy $40. You're on.  
> Tony: I'm out. The guy's wild carding, I got no idea what he's gonna do.  
> -watches as they inch closer to kiss-  
> Sam: Yes!!! Do it! Daddy needs a new bottle of scotch!  
> -Thor interrupts the kiss-  
> Sam: What the fuck?!  
> Tony laughs  
> Nat: Well... That was not what I expected but give me that $40.  
> Sam: No no. That's a flag on the play, I call for a redo!  
> Tony: What? An obstruction on the field? I got nothing for you.  
> Sam storms off while the other three laugh


	5. Chapter Five

In the days after meeting Thor, you resign yourself to helping out wherever you can. Steve is wary of letting you get too involved with anything the team is working on, so you settle in the kitchen.

After all, who keeps a gourmet kitchen and doesn’t bother to use it? Humming softly, you move about the room, finishing the last touches on the dinner you spent a good part of the day preparing. 

The compound has been quiet for most of the afternoon so the sudden scrapping of chair legs against the floor startles you. Roast chicken in hand, you step out from the kitchen and notice a young man has made himself at home at the table.

A book-bag sits beside him as he pulls crumbled papers from it. You cross the room, placing the serving dish down onto the table, causing the boy to look up in surprise. 

“Hello.” You smile sweetly at him. You wonder if one of Steve's teammates has a son. Surely, they wouldn’t let a young boy join their team in this day and age. “I don’t think we've met, who do you belong to?” 

“Uh.. well I guess Aunt May?” The boys eyes widen. You raise a brow at him as he begins to quickly ramble. “But, oh my god, you can’t tell her because she doesn’t know what I do here. She thinks this is just an internship and Mr. Stark will be so mad and I don’t want to upset him -” 

You hold your hand up to stop the boy. “Slow down please… Who are you?” 

“Uh… Um… I’m, uh, I’m Spiderman but, um, are you supposed to know that?” The boy devolves into rambling yet again and you sigh, folding your hands together in front of you.

“Are you supposed to know that I’m Spiderman? I don’t think you’re supposed to know I’m Spiderman but, uh… Wow, I mean, you’re pretty- I should stop talking. Why can't I stop talking?”

Finally, he pauses to take in a deep breath. “You can, um… You uh, you can call me Peter.” 

The two of you look up as Tony makes his way into the room, smirking at the boy at the table. “Oo kid, that was as smooth as chunky peanut butter." 

After greeting Tony, you make your way back into the kitchen, listening as Peter speaks once more. “She _is_ really pretty.” 

“She’s a little too old for you.” Tony chuckles. 

Peter’s quiet for a second. You can’t see his face but you’re positive he’s confused by the statement. “She doesn’t look older than, like, twenty-five, twenty-six tops.” 

Tony’s response is immediate and you can hear the humor behind it. “Yeah, give or take seventy years. Ain’t that right, Cap?” 

You don't hear any response from Steve until he's right behind you. “How can I help, doll?”

Some things never change. Even before, he would always offer you help and you would always say no. 

“Everything’s already on the table.” You smile at him, grabbing the basket of rolls from the counter. He leads you back to the table where the rest of the team has gathered.

The first day you had cooked for everyone, you made it very clear- dinner was at 5:30 sharp. Anyone that was late would go without. 

As you move to sit beside Steve, Peter speaks up, his curiosity clearly getting the better of him. “So uh, how do you know Captain America, ma’am?” 

You stare at him for a moment before you answer. "Steve?” The boy nods emphatically. “We used to go steady.” 

“ _Went steady_?” He turns to Steve, trying to stifle a laugh. “Where’d you find her? The 50’s?” 

“No, 1943.” You and Steve answer in unison. 

Peter immediately sinks down in his chair, cheeks red. “Oh um…” He frantically looks around for anyone to help him. “Is that my phone ringing? I should uh… I should go answer that.”

Without another word, the boy practically leaps from his chair and rushes off down the hall, pushing by Thor as he goes.

“Ah! Nourishment!” You let out a soft sigh as the giant of a man plops himself down into a chair beside you. You watch in horror as he rips off a drumstick and begins to gnaw on it. 

“Where are your manners?!” Everyone is staring as you raise your voice but you don’t care. There are some things that you just can not allow, and this is one of them. If your mother had been there, she would’ve smacked his hands with a wooden spoon - regardless of him being a God or not. “Were you raised in a barn?” 

Thor glances up, mouth full of food. “Castle, actually.” As he speaks, specks of chewed chicken fly from his mouth. You almost gag. “But we do have many barns though. Filled with horses and bilgesnipe! Although I’m told you do not have those here.” 

You feel Steve’s hand on your arm and you take in a deep breath. Arguing with this man isn’t worth it. “I apologize.” You mutter, taking the napkin to lay it across your lap. 

“Maybe use your silverware, huh, Point Break?” Tony asks, giving you a nod. Thor turns to him for a moment before seeming to agree. 

,You take another deep breath, watching Thor as he wipes his dirty hands on his shirt before picking up his fork. You want to say something but you’re distracted by the newest addition to the room. He is short in stature but carries himself as a man who is used to being in command.

He clears his throat, looking to each of the team as they all turn to look at him. “Does no one know how to be on time for dinner?” You ask with a small smile.

“Sorry ma’am,” The stranger says, eyes moving to the food you have prepared. “As delicious as that all looks, I’m not here to eat.” 

Before you can even open your mouth, Steve is rising from his chair. “Is something wrong, Coulson?” 

“Not a thing, Captain. Director Fury is just requesting to speak with her.” Coulson nods in your direction and you feel three sets of eyes shift onto you. 


	6. Chapter Six

As you walk into a large room in the north side of the compound, you're intrigued by the vast amounts of technology occupying the small space. This is a room you've never been to and you wonder why.

It makes you uncomfortable that you've been summoned up here without due reason. Thankfully, Steve and Tony have agreed to accompany you. More of a demand on your part than anything else, but the company is reassuring.

You can hear footsteps behind you and you turn, ready to greet this Director. As the man steps into the room, both Steve and Tony address him with respect as he closes the distance between you. Your eyes wander from the black clothing to the eye patch nestled where his left eye should be. 

He extends his hand to you as he speaks, “I’m Colonel Nicolas Fury, director of S.H.I.E.L.D., it seems like we have a lot to talk about.”

In your time it would have difficult for Director Fury to even become an officer. You are pleased to see that times, again, have changed for the better. 

"No, Sir, I don’t believe we do.” The words slip out before you can even stop them. 

“No?” He crosses the room to pull open a small cabinet by the desk. After a moment, he pulls out your satchel. Your eyes widen and you take a step forward but Fury points to the chair by the desk. “I think you should reconsider that. Have a seat.” 

Behind you, you can hear Tony mutter something to Steve, but you’re entirely too focused on the bag to care.

_So it wasn’t destroyed._

You slide into the chair, fixing the hem of your dress as you cross your legs at the ankles. 

"You need to tell me why you had this.” Fury turns the satchel over, spilling the contents of it out onto the desk. Your eyes move from the locket that Steve had given you, to the folder containing the confidential files that you defended with your life in 1946.

As Fury clears his throat, you look back to him. “Is there a reason that I shouldn’t have them?” 

You can tell that Fury isn’t happy about your answer. His one good eye is fixed on you as he pulls a folder to him. He flips it open and slides the top page towards you.

“We find you, frozen in an abandoned Hydra base, wearing an S.S.R. pin, with documents that Hydra would and _have_ killed for… You do not want to play games with me." 

As much as you're certain that you don't like this mans tone, he is your superior officer and you will respect that. “I was a research and archive specialist for the S.S.R. for years. Under Howard Stark, I also helped develop weapons for them.”

You glance back to Steve knowing without a doubt that he will be furious with what you're about to say.

“After we lost Captain Rogers, I transferred to field work. I was determined to recover him. Given my extensive knowledge of the Captain and the unit he led during the war, I was tasked with leading a potential retrieval team."

“Go on.” 

“About a year after he was lost, my team intercepted a coded broadcast revealing the location of a larger Hydra base. Myself, along with four other field agents went. Everything was routine, we went undetected as we made our entrance. It was only when we got to the lower levels that we realized something was wrong.”

Telling the story felt so strange to you. To these men, this happened over seventy years ago but to you, you remember it as just two weeks ago.

“I was in one of the offices, working my way through one of the desks when I came across these." You motion to the stack in front of the director and wait for his approval to continue once more. 

"There was a commotion in the hallway and before we could retreat, we were ambushed by what I now believe to be sleeper agents.” You shift in the seat. _Sleeper agents led by Bucky._ "I grabbed what I could and stuffed it all into my satchel. I knew I had only moments before they got past my team."

You fiddle with the hem of your skirt. “There was a struggle. I remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe when the agent I was fighting with pushed me into some kind of container. After that, it’s cold and dark.”

You hold your gaze with Fury as you finish. "And now, you know as much as I do."

There is a long moment of silence as your words settle in. You’re worried about what comes next, especially as Fury stands and moves around the desk to you. "So you had no idea the importance of these documents?"

“Not really sir, but they hadn’t been easy to find so I assumed they held great value to us if we got them away from the enemy” 

“What you found could change the course of the entire world.” Fury says. You look to the pages again, confused. The words of the old text weren’t even in English. You had only recognized the Hydra seal and made a quick decision. “It wasn’t always known as Hydra-” 

You arch an eyebrow at him and he pauses. “I’m aware of that fact. I know that the cult took on that name when Johann Schmidt was the leader. He also abandoned the cult's original beliefs.”

Fury looks impressed and you crack a slight smile. This diffuses the tension in the room to a lesser degree. 

“Correct, he did.” He looks to Tony as the man crosses the room. “We had this translated when we found you. I needed to have all the pieces before we spoke.” 

Tony reaches between you and the director, taking the page. “Fury, I’ve never even seen a language like this.” 

“It’s instructions to un-banish Hive, some inhuman entity that the Pre-Hydra cult worshiped.” 

It’s obvious by your confused expression that you had no idea. How could you? It was like Tony had said, you’ve never seen that language before. 

You briefly turn to Tony, who is still studying the piece of paper. It’s like he’s trying to figure out the words for himself.

Your eyes then move to Steve. He has propped himself up against the far wall, arms crossed in a defensive position. His eyes are furious as they drill into yours; you know he feels hurt and betrayed. 

“Seems to me that you might be a valuable asset to us.” Fury’s voice brings you back. "I'd like to bring you fully up to speed and get you suited -"

“She is _not_ going back out in the field.” Steve’s voice rings out like a sudden gunshot. The authority in his tone causes even Tony to jump and sends a shiver down your spine. 

“Captain," the director reasons, raising his hands. "It’s not 1945 anymore, she can do as she pleases.” 

You wish you could shrink down in the chair as his footsteps near the desk. Even without seeing his face, you know the anger is palpable. 

You sneak a glance up at Steve as he rests his hand firmly on the back of your chair. It may not be 1945 anymore but this has a familiar discomfort. “Fury, I’m the one who is in charge of her, not you. She does _not_ go back into the field. Do I make myself clear?" 

“In charge of me?” You snap, feeling a wave of embarrassment and frustration wash over you. Fresh anger blooms heavily in your chest as Steve looks down at you.

If the expression on his face is any indication, he is almost daring you to argue with him. _What right does he think he has?_ “You do not get to decide what I do with my life.” 

The two of you maintain tense eye contact for a few moments before Director Fury’s voice breaks the silence. “We are not done with this conversation, Captain. I think you two need to work out a few details first." He turns quickly. "Tony? I could use you in the conference room.” 

Tony nods, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans and steps forward to follow Fury from the room. Once in the doorway, he turns and quickly smiles at you. “Good luck Cap, even I know better than to tell a woman I’m in charge of her.” Shaking his head, he backs out of the room.

You wait a minute or two, making sure that everyone is out of earshot. “You do _not_ get to control my life, Steve.” As you stand from the chair, Steve holds up a hand to stop you from continuing.

“I told you when you asked back in 1944 how I felt about you getting out in the field.” It’s a fight that you remember well. You had brought the idea up to him over dinner one night and he had completely shut it down. 

His reasoning was that he couldn’t be there to protect you and somehow, that answer upset you even more. The two of you knew, then and now, how well you could protect yourself. 

“You promised me that you’d never go into the field.” He continues, folding his arms across his chest. 

“And you promised to not leave me.” 

The words have the desired impact and he immediately drops down his guard. “Darling, please.” He reaches for you but you step back. “If I had any other choice, I would have made it. I didn't want to be made into a liar, especially to you."

You know the words are true but it doesn’t ease the pain. Being on the other end of that line, helpless to stop him from crashing into the ice had haunted you every night. And that wasn’t something that could go away simply because you wished it to. 

"And if I had any other choice, I would have made it as well." Your words are an echo of his that he has no argument for. 

At the sound of hurried footsteps, you quickly move to dry your eyes. No need for someone to see you crying in this office. “Oh good, you’re both still here.” The man you recognize as Coulson smiles at you. “I just have some follow up questions that the director asked me for.” 

You nod, glancing over at Steve. He’s still staring at you, the fresh heartbreak in his eyes is painful to witness, especially knowing that you’re the one who put it there. “Of course," you reply, forcing a small smile. "Ask whatever you need.” 

“Great. So, are you two involved?” He jumps right in and you blink at the question, shocked by its brash forwardness. It hadn’t been discussed what you and Steve were in this present time. You had just slipped back into the comfortable habits you had kept before. 

“Never mind,” Coulson waves off the question. “How long were you two together before?” 

This question is easy for you. “We started seeing each other the Christmas of 1943 and continued right up until Captain Rogers’ disappearance in March of 1945.” 

Coulson nods, writing something down in the little notebook that he had pulled out. “And how did you end up dating?” 

“It was Sergeant Barnes who orchestrated it, actually.” You can’t help but smile at the memory. “One of my girlfriends had started going with him months before Captain Rogers and I. We were very familiar with each other, due to my proximity to Howard Stark; I was part of his research and development team but I never thought Captain Rogers was interested. Not until Sergeant Barnes asked me if I would go on a double date.” 

“And were you two ever intimate?” 

Before you can speak, Steve steps forward. “I’m sorry but what does this have to do with anything? Why would Fury want to know these things?” 

“Oh… Its um, its to uh… update the HR files. It’s very important to know that interoffice, uh, relationships are frowned upon here at S.H.I.E.L.D.” 

“You do know that S.H.I.E.L.D. as you know it wouldn’t exist without us, right?” Steve raises an eyebrow at the smaller man, who just nods and quickly apologizes. The other man gives you one last look before backing out of the room, leaving you and Steve alone once more.

As Coulson departs, Steve turns to you as you take a step towards the door, away from him. "Sweetheart, please understand." He reaches out to take your hand but you turn your back to him. 

"It wasn't my intention to try and control you. But you going into the field was the one thing I begged you not to do. You looked me in the eyes that night and promised me that if it's what I truly needed from you, you wouldn't pursue it. I don’t understand why you would lie to me.” 

You don't turn around. You know that if you do, tears will threaten to spill from your eyes. “Well, I suppose grief made liars of us both.”


	7. Chapter Seven

The following days pass slowly and uncomfortably. The argument between you and Steve has caused you both to keep your distance. Even now, you sit in your suite, trying to focus on the book in your hands.

But your thoughts keep drifting to what you had said. You had truly never intended to lie to him but you were determined to do everything in your power to bring him home, even if it meant disobeying his wishes. 

You hear a sharp knock and glance up. An envelope slides under the door before you can fully cross the room. You step forward and bend down to pick it up. ‘ _Meet me downstairs at 1900h.’_ You smile, recognizing the handwriting as Steve’s.

Setting down the note, you move to your closet and sigh. You thumb through the many dresses hanging, trying to decide on the perfect one. You settle on a simple, pale blue one with a slightly fuller skirt - Steve’s favorite out of the ones Tony had purchased for you. 

You style your hair into a simple low twist then add a touch of mascara. Just before 1900h you find yourself outside of the training rooms. From just behind the door, you can hear soft music playing and your heartbeat quickens in anticipation.

You turn the doorknob and push the heavy door open. Stepping into the room, you take in all the little things he had done - soft lighting, a table and chairs over in the corner with a bottle of champagne chilling. It’s romantic, sweet and honestly perfect. 

Steve is standing in the middle of the room, dressed in a pair of slacks with a simple button down. He turns to you, hesitantly extending his hand. “I wanted to apologize.” 

“So did I.” You take his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

“I never want to be in charge of you, I just got caught up in the moment.” He tries to explain but you’ve already forgiven him.

The fight had been so stupid; emotions ran high and you had both said things you didn't mean. You know him so much better than that. “Hearing about you being in the field... I’ve lost good men out there and to think that you’d ran head first into all that, it scared me doll.” 

That’s a feeling that you know well but you don’t comment.

“I know it isn’t much but I really wanted to make it up to you.” He gently pulls you close to him as the song changes. You move your left hand to his shoulder while he takes your waist. He holds your other hand against his chest as the familiar melody of ‘We’ll Meet Again’ starts to play. 

“Do you remember the first time we danced to this?” You ask, smiling up at him. 

“I do.” He returns the smile as he sways with you back and forth to the music. Clearly it was a good memory for him too. “It was New Years. You made that delicious roast. I remember the the snow falling outside when I turned on the record player.”

You close your eyes as you rest your head against his chest, humming softly with the music. You remember finishing the song with him holding you like he held you now. In this moment, like that one, everything is perfect. 

The minutes slip by and all you can think is _please don’t let this end_. 

The sound of someone clearing their throat is the only thing that breaks the moment. You turn, still in Steve’s arms, to see Tony standing in the doorway. “Tony, what is it?” You can feel the vibrations in his chest as Steve speaks. 

“There’s a mission,” Tony replies. You can see regret in his dark eyes, he hadn’t wanted to interrupt this moment. “We have a briefing in twenty.” 

Steve nods. “I’m sorry sweetheart,” he starts but you shake your head to stop him.

“Go, I’ll clean up. Thank you for all of this. It was perfect.” You know how this works, you signed up for it long ago. He kisses your forehead as he releases you. With some more apology, he leaves the room. 

As Tony goes to follow, you turn to start cleaning up the training room. A familiar voice comes drifting through the still open doorway causing you to stop and listen for it’s source. 

“Where was he? It’s odd for him to be MIA.” You recognize the voice as Natasha’s so you start towards the door, intending to say hello. 

“He was enjoying a moment.” Tony replies, blocking you from actually seeing her. 

You hear Natasha let out a heavy sigh and you stop, inches away from Tony’s back. “I like the girl and all, but she’s a distraction. She’s going to get him killed and you know it.” 

Her words hit you like a bucket of cold water. Of course you’re a distraction to Steve. He’s been so focused on helping you adjust to your new life here that he must be neglecting his duties as a leader of this team. If anything were to happen as a result of you being here, it would be entirely your fault.

“Nat, don't." Tony starts, his tone one of warning. He takes a step towards her, trying to get the woman to move back down the hallway. But instead, his movement only gives you both a glimpse of each other. 

Nat opens her mouth to speak but you push your way through the two of them, hurrying off down the hallway. Her words cut you deeply but you find that you can’t be angry with her. She’s absolutely right.

“Wait!” Tony calls, catching up to you on the stairs. “She doesn’t mean it like that, you aren’t a distraction.” 

“No, I am.” You know in your heart that your presence has disrupted everything. It had thrown everyone at the compound through a loop, making for the team being slightly distracted from you being around.

“I shouldn’t be here, Tony. I should be back in my own time, I don’t belong…” You hang your head, sniffling. 

He reaches out to touch your hand. “Come with me, just for a moment.” He leads you up the rest of the stairs and into Steve’s office. After a moment of him rummaging through one of the drawers, he pulls out a notebook and an old compass. 

You remember the compass, you had given it to him before one of his missions. He notices the slight smile on your face, knowing that you recognize it. 

Inside the lid is a small picture, graying around the edges- a tell tale sign that it was once cut from a newspaper. You look closer at the photograph and realize that it’s your own face smiling back at you. 

“You say that you don’t belong, but I beg to differ.” Tony then flips open the notebook, showing you the countless drawings that Steve has done of you over the years. “You aren’t a distraction to him, you are everything to him.”

You step closer to the desk and wrap your arms around Tony, intensely grateful that he cares for you both enough to want to make you understand. “The morning you woke up? I think he did too. I’ve never seen Steve so happy." You smile at his intentional use of Steve’s given name rather than a favored nickname. 

“Think of it as an early Christmas gift. But I’ll deny this if you tell anyone.” He chuckles, rubbing your back for a moment. The man pulls away from you and smiles. “Meet us on the bridge in twenty-five? Don’t doubt him, he truly loves you.” You give him a nod and he departs, heading for the conference room. 

“Thank you, Tony.” You reply softly.

Once alone, you take your time with the compass and the drawings. They help to ease the pain that you feel but not enough. In some ways, it hurts more to know that he had been mourning the loss of you for the better part of a decade. You take the notebook and head out from the office. 

Wrapping your arms around your body, you clutch the book close to your heart. You make your way through the compound knowing from the silence that everyone must already be on the bridge.

By the time you reach your destination, everything seems to have gone wrong. Suited man are running around frantically and you can’t find any of the team. You start to panic as you race off down the hall.

Just as you come through the doors of the hangar, you can see Steve and the rest of the team, dressed in full tactical gear. They look to be within minutes of leaving. “Steve!” You call out, but he doesn’t hear you over the commotion. 

Pushing your way through other agents, you try again. “Steve!” Still, the man doesn’t hear you. 

“Captain Rogers!” This time, you are close enough and he looks up with a small smile once he realizes it’s you. “You come back to me this time.” 

He turns, as if to go to you, but Thor stops him. “Yes ma’am, I promise.” 

Holding onto the notebook, you watch as they depart from the compound.

_Please mean it this time._


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After last chapter's cliff hanger, we decided to make it up to y'all with a romantic moment between Steve and the reader.
> 
> Thanks for bearing with us so far, don't fret- the chaos is on it's way. We'll ease you into it.
> 
> <3

The hours slip by as you stand with the remaining agents in the communications room. You are listening to the escalating fight with fear gripping your heart.

Natasha’s words keep running through your mind. If you lose him, you will never be able to forgive yourself. 

“Cap! Get outta there!” Tony’s voice comes over the speaker and you stand, heart racing.

“Stark?! What’s going on down there?” Coulson rushes to the system as it goes down. Everyone works quickly, trying to bring the system back online but nothing seems to be working.

It takes two hours before another response comes through. “It was an ambush.” Tony’s breath is heavy and labored as he speaks. “I… locate…..” The static cuts him off and you hold your breath. “...everyone.” _Tony found everyone. Steve is safe._

“Cap ... missing.” The static cuts out most of the sentence and you feel your heart drop as the comms go offline once again. 

You take a few steps back, feeling the familiar prick of tears in your eyes. _No! This can’t happen again._

You bite down on your lip as you watch Coulson frantically calling out to Tony. He’s looking for more information, just like everyone else around, but there is no response. The line has completely died. 

***

You’ve spent twenty- nine of the last thirty-six hours in the comms room, trying to fix the system. Even with your extensive scientific knowledge, you have no idea how to get the thing working again. No one does. And until the whole team is home again, you don’t intend to stop.

Frustrated, you throw the wrench across the floor and swear softly. _If I wasn’t here, he’d still be alive. They’d all still be alive._

“Ma’am?” Coulson looks up from his papers. He sets them down and kneels beside you. This entire time, he has stuck by your side and you are extremely grateful. You didn’t want to think of what might happen if you were left alone right now. “Everything is going to be okay.” 

“You weren’t there the first time. You don’t understand.” 

He gives you a slight smile, his hand moving to rest on your arm. “You’re right, ma’am, I wasn’t there but I understand how you feel."

“You can’t possibly understand how I feel right now.” Not that you blame him. It’s different for him, he isn’t in love with Steve. He doesn’t know the man like you do and he hadn’t experienced listening to him going into the ice. You shutter at the memory.

“I have intense feelings…. Of respect… for Captain Rogers, ma’am.” 

You shake your head at him. Respect and love are two different things. “I just…” You look to him and let out a shaky sigh. The tears well up in your eyes as you think back to the first time this happened.

“Hearing Tony frantic like that, and the comms cutting out, it just makes me think of the first time that I lost him.” 

Without asking, Coulson pulls you into his arms and your walls come crumbling down. You sob into the man’s chest as he gently rocks you both back and forth. “He’ll be okay, I promise you.” 

Sudden commotion outside the room pulls you back to reality. They're home. _Does that mean...?_

You rush out towards the hangar with him at your heels and stop just before you slam into the door. Natasha and Dr. Banner are speaking frantically with a group of agents while Thor is heading towards the medical wing. His right arm hangs at an awkward angle. _What could hurt a god like that?_

You push through the doors as Tony lands a few feet away from you. His suit is badly damaged and seems to sparking. The face plate lifts and you can see his bloodied face searching for yours in the chaos. You run towards him, fearing the worst when you can’t find Steve anywhere. 

Tony meets your eyes, shaking his head. “I’m so sorry.” You fall to your knees, breath hitching in your chest as the tears start to fall. 

***

The digital clock on your bedside table mocks you. 3 am. It’s the fifth night in a row that sleep refuses to come easy. You refuse to believe that Steve is dead. Even after the debrief with Tony and the rest of the team, you cannot give up hope.

If you do, you know that the weight of that grief will crush you. Logically you know that this isn’t your fault, but you can’t stop replaying that day in your mind. Natasha only said out loud what the entire team must have been thinking. 

_This was not how I imagined Christmas Eve, laying here without him… Why did they have to even find me? Me being here only…_

A knock at the door breaks your train of thought. Your heart thumps loudly against your chest, it's too late for a social call.

You pull your robe on as you silently make your way to the door. Whatever waits on the other side can’t be good.

Your hands shake as you reach for the knob and turn it. You stare up in disbelief at the figure standing in front of you, bruised and beaten.

Your mouth drops open slightly as your eyes move over every inch of him. It looks like he's been through Hell and back these past five days. “ _Steve_?” Your voice catches and suddenly you’re sobbing at the sight of him alive.

“Hey, doll.” He gives you a tired smile. 

“You’re hurt…” You reach out to touch the bleeding cut on his left cheek. “You need a doctor.” 

He shakes his head. “I had to make sure that you were safe first.” In Steve’s eyes, you can see traces of fear and worry.

You feel the tears continue to fall; you try to drop your gaze so he doesn't see but he knows you too well. Limping forward, he wraps his arms around your smaller frame to try and comfort you. “Shhh.” He whispers softly, resting his head on your hair.

It takes you a moment to regain your composure but when you do, you step back from him. “Let me get the medkit.” You turn, leading him back into your suite. If he won’t go to a doctor then you will fix him up yourself and, if you’re being honest with yourself, you don’t want to let him out of your sight again. 

“Please?" He asks, sinking down onto the sofa at the far end of the small common area. “Just come sit with me for a moment.” 

You hesitate. The cuts look bad and you’re worried that they might get infected but you find your feet already taking you to him. You lower yourself onto the sofa beside him and the tears start filling your eyes once more. “I thought I had lost you again.” In the dim light, you can see that his eyes are wet too.

“You told me to come back, didn’t you?” Steve smiles at you as you look to your lap and nod. “So, I couldn’t break another promise to my best girl.” 

You look up at his words, tears streaming down your face. He has been through god knows what the last few days and his only thoughts have been about getting back to you. He leans in to gently wipe them from your face. “Please don’t cry.” 

He scoots closer and wraps his arms around you once more. This time, both of you are crying. Your own arms slid around his waist, as if craving physical confirmation that he's really here.

You feel his hands move under the robe. The feeling of his hands through the thin, silky material of the nightgown is warm and gentle. You shiver as he rubs his thumb along your spine. His right hand moves from your back, cupping your chin and turning your face up to his. “I never stopped loving you, please believe me.” 

You lean up, pressing your lips gently against his, being as mindful as you can of his injuries. Still locked in the kiss, you slide the hem of your nightgown up a bit as you straddle his lap. Steve doesn’t stop you, instead, he pulls you closer and deepens the kiss. 

Everything else in your world melts away. There is only Steve and the feeling of his lips on yours. He is alive and whole and that’s the only thing that matters right now.

He moves his hand from your chin, gliding over your shoulder to remove the robe as he leaves soft, hungry kisses along your jaw. A soft sigh escapes you and you can feel him smile as his lips reach your neck. Feeling his mouth against your skin is electrifying and you’re scared that he’ll stop. 

Steve moves lower, placing little kisses from your neck and over the curves of your breasts. He peeks up at you and you smile as he scoots forward on the sofa.

“Wrap your legs around me.” He instructs as he stands, using your lower half as leverage. You listen and despite his injuries, Steve carries you across the room to your bed.

He gently lays you down on the bed and leans over you. You smile up at him in the darkened room, his hand caressing your thigh as he slides up the fabric of your nightgown.

Your hand moves to what’s left of the dark blue uniform he is still wearing, fingers trembling as you begin to help him out of it. 

“My god, you are still the most beautiful dame in the world.” He murmurs softly, lifting the sheer fabric over your head. 

Your cheeks instantly flush. The color deepens as his fingers hook into the hem of your cotton panties. He slowly pulls them down and you can hear blood pumping in your ears.

Never in a million years did you imagine that you’d get to be here with him, like this, again. He stands, holding the panties in on hand and letting his eyes wander over your naked body. It’s obvious how excited he is as he stands there in just his boxer briefs. 

Steve tosses your panties to the side before sliding off his own briefs. You bite down hard on your lip, transfixed by his gaze as he climbs back onto the bed beside you.

He moves to lean over you and you close your eyes as he presses his lips back to yours. Feeling emboldened, you let your hands explore his body as he begins explores yours. 

You’re feeling a little nervous but the sound he lets out as your hand wraps around its intended target gives you the confidence to continue. The lower his fingers travel, the quicker your body is responding to his actions.

After a moment, Steve removes his hands from your body and you can’t help but pout at the loss of touch. He positions himself between your legs. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

You nod as he guides his cock inside of you. You let out a soft whimper as you feel him stretch you and he immediately stops. 

“It’s okay.” You promise, your hand going to his arm. “Don’t stop.” 

He nods and continues to ease into you with a low groan. He finally stops moving and just tips his head back, eyes closed. The feeling of him inside of you, the fullness of it, is better than anything you remembered. And by the smirk on his face, you can tell he’s enjoying it too.

He moves back a bit, then pushes in deeper, causing you to let out another soft whimper. Always the gentleman, he tenderly continues with this motion. 

Your eyes meet his bright blue ones and smile as he pulls out again. This time, he pushes back in with a little more urgency and you let out a yelp.

“I’m sorry!” Steve stops moving, eyes wide with surprise. Shaking your head, you reassure him that not only is it okay, you don’t actually want him to stop.

In a matter of minutes, you feel him pulse inside of you and you arch your back, a soft moan escaping your lips. You feel your own excitement building as every nerve in your body stands on end. One last thrust pushes you over the edge and your orgasm fills you with exquisite bliss. 

You both take a moment to catch your breath as he moves to lay beside you. Rolling onto your stomach, you scoot a little closer to him. “I never stopped loving you either, you know.” 

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” He smiles, running his fingers through his hair. 


	9. Chapter Nine

"Excuse me," a vaguely familiar voice asks from behind you. You frown slightly as you try to recall where you've heard it before. "I'm looking for Captain Rogers." 

You turn, ready to send the man towards Steve's office and stop, cold dread trailing down your spine as you take in the man before you. His dark hair may be a little longer than before but you could never forget that face.

You can still remember the hatred in his eyes as he pushed you into the cryochamber. _Bucky._ Before you can even think, you feel the pie plate slip from your hands. It falls to the floor, shattering and sending the contents spilling across the tile. 

Immediately, you go on the defensive as your hand moves to the butcher’s block, pulling out the first knife that your fingers grasp. “James, don’t make me use this.” You keep the knife positioned at your side, ready to strike if you need to.

Bucky stares back at you, confusion written all over his face. “How are you here?” 

Shaking your head in disbelief, you try to take a step back but find yourself against the counter. “How can you pretend that you don’t know?” 

“I honestly don’t-” He stops, eyes moving to the knife as you reposition it in front of you. 

“Stop moving!” You warn as he lowers to the ground, hands extended in front of him. He starts picking up the broken pieces, never taking his eyes off of you. When he stands again, he has two large pieces of glass in his right hand.

“Calm down… It’s okay.” Bucky says warily as you take a tentative step towards him. His eyes dart quickly between the blade that you now have pointed at him and your face. He raises the hand holding the glass and in that moment you decide you are not going to wait for him to try and hurt you. 

You refuse to let him have the upper-hand this time around. You grab his right wrist with your right hand, causing him to drop the glass as you raise the knife. His metal arm shoots up, grabbing your other wrist and barely stopping you from slicing into his face. 

He twists your wrist forcefully and you yelp at the pain of that motion coupled with the unexpected cracking sound you hear and drop your weapon to the floor; the knife clattering uselessly underneath the island.

With his metal arm still holding you, your only option left is to punch. As you wind your free hand back, fingers curling into a fist- he focuses on your arm.

Before you can connect with his gut, he lets go of you and crouches low. You can’t stop the force you put behind your swing and when you connect with nothing but air, you lose your balance. Tumbling to the floor, you find yourself on top of him.

You try to rise quickly by pushing against his chest and put more weight than intended on your damaged wrist. Pain shoots up your arm and you're blinded by the intensity of it.

Bucky groans underneath you and uses your moment of weakness to grab you by the collar of your dress and pull you down. In one swift movement he’s on top of you, pinning you under his body and up against the kitchen island. 

With your good hand trapped between you and the counter, you panic and try to wildly twist out from underneath him. He quickly covers your mouth as you open it to scream and his metal hand snakes around your throat, cutting off your air. 

His hand tightens and you struggle to breathe, panic flooding your system. 

“What the hell?!” The booming voice above you seems muffled but you know, without a doubt, that it’s Steve. _Thank God._

Within seconds, Bucky is ripped off of you as Steve slams him into the opposite wall. You roll onto your stomach, pushing yourself up carefully on your hands and knees as you cough and suck in mouthfuls of air. Your hair is a tangled mess and the collar of your dress is ripped.

Immediately Steve steps between you and your attacker, crouching low to you. His gaze softens when he meets your eyes. "Are you alright?" 

"No..." When you speak, your voice is hoarse and strained. "James.. You don't know." You cradle you damaged wrist and pray that it's not broken. Steve takes in your disheveled appearance and gently touches the tender skin of your throat. You can feel the blooming bruises there. 

He turns his attention to the crumpled man on the floor. He is speaking harshly but you can barely hear him over your own labored breathing. "Buck, what the hell's wrong with you? You could have killed her."

"I was just…” Bucky stutters, looking up at him. “She had a knife. I just acted out of instinct...I was trying to calm her down.”

“You call that calming down?" 

Normally, you would protest Steve speaking on your behalf but you're afraid that if you try cut in, your voice will waver and betray just how terrified you are. You hadn’t wanted to allow Bucky to have the upper hand and he had taken it from you. You had to hope that Steve would believe you when you told him how dangerous Bucky truly was. 

“Steve, You know me. I’d never hurt her on purpose. I was defending myself." Bucky is quick to try and excuse his actions but he is only met with silence. 

You stifle a pained laugh. After everything that happened before, you don’t believe a word he's saying. 

Standing, Steve extends his hands to you in an effort to get you off the floor. When you hesitate, Bucky supplies an answer, "I think I may have… uh…broken her wrist." 

Steve is silent but you have _never_ seen him so furious. Wordlessly, he bends down and scoops you into his arms, careful not to injure you further.

“I’ve got you.” He tells you softly then turns his attention to Bucky who has yet to move from the spot where he was thrown. "I'm going to bring her to the med bay. Stay here. When I get back, we're going to talk." 

“Yes sir.” Bucky replies automatically. The man keeps his eyes glued to the floor as Steve carries you from the room.

He doesn’t speak again until you reach the medical wing. As he sets you down in an examination bed, you have flashbacks from the day you first woke up here. So much had changed in the months since you woke up but you'd like to think that you'd adapted quickly.

You chose to move on from what had happened to you and make a place for yourself in this new time. Steve needn’t be the wiser to what had actually happened to Bucky. You had wanted to spare him the pain of knowing what his best friend was capable of; wanted to spare him the pain of what Bucky had done to you.

But that simply wasn’t possible now.

You can tell from his worried expression that he must have been talking to you. Caught up in your own thoughts, you hadn’t heard anything he said. 

“I’m sorry doll,” he repeats. “I just need to grab a doctor and I’ll be right back.”

As Steve walks away, you see Tony rush by the door. You glance down, hoping that, in his haste, he won’t realize it’s you. You hear the door slide open and watch as he barrels into the room. Whatever he was originally going to say, dies in his throat as he takes in your appearance.

“Are you alright?" He finally manages. "I saw the cameras and...”

You attempt to reply as two female doctors, followed swiftly by the man you love, walk into the room. Steve motions to Tony to take a few steps closer to him and immediately the women begin fussing over you. They check your vitals, inspect your injury as well as the bruising on your throat and ask what seems like a million questions.

You're only half listening; your real attention is focused on hearing the conversation between the two men who are _trying_ to remain out of your earshot. 

“I saw Barnes on top of her through the security footage, I didn’t wait to find out why. I just ran." You hear Tony murmur in a hushed tone. "Do you know what happened?” 

Steve glances over to you before shaking his head. “I don’t know. He said that he was just defending himself but I don’t understand why he would need to.” 

You want to explain to both men what had happened but the doctors won’t leave you alone. 

“The guy’s twice her size and has a metal arm, what could he possibly need to defend against?” Tony raises an eyebrow at the other man as he continues. “I saw him pull her down, Cap. It looked like she had fallen and he pulled her back down when she went to get up.” 

“We’ll finish this later.” Steve mutters.

“Steve,” Tony reaches for the other man’s arm. “He had his hand around her throat. If you had come in a minute later -"

“I know, Tony. I know.” Steve glances in your direction and then shifts so his back is to you. “I’m going to get to the bottom of this, quietly. In the meantime, would you -"

“Yeah, I’ll go watch Manchurian Candidate and make sure he stays out of trouble. He and I aren't going to be poker buddies any time soon, but I’ll see if I can get anything out of him.”

“Thanks, Tony." Steve claps his shoulder as both men turn back to you. 

Tony strides toward the door, stopping when he touches the handle. He turns to gaze back at you with a small smile. “Hey Ace, I’m glad you’re ok.” You smile back and watch as the door slides behind him. 

All you want to do is talk to Steve, to explain everything, but the doctors are still working. It feels like an eternity has passed by the time they step back from you.

“The bruising will fade,” the older of the two women says with a sad smile. “Your wrist is definitely broken. We’re going to give you something for the pain, then I’d like to get it set and in a cast as soon as possible.” 

“I need to talk to Captain Rogers fi-” You rasp but Steve shakes his head at you. 

“We can talk after, I’ll be right here.” He rests a hand on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Get your wrist set and some rest. You’re safe now, I promise.” 

“You can’t trust him." You wince as the younger doctor starts an IV on you. Your eyes move to her as she attaches the IV bag to the medical tubing. 

“What do you mean?” Steve glances at the nurses and they give you a moment alone. 

Your eyelids are already starting to feel heavy from the medication they’ve given you but you try to push on. “He’s the one who-” your words trail off as you feel your eyes droop shut. You feel Steve press a kiss to your forehead before they wheel you away. 

“Let me know as soon as she’s awake.” His voice echoes in your head as you slip under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us tell you, we may have ABSOLUTELY choreographed that knife fight scene in the back room of a Cosmetics store.  
> While working.  
> Realism, friends.  
> It's what we strive for here.  
> That and the desire to tell a hell of a story.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annndddd a little explanation.  
> Cause I know y'all are dying to know what actually happened all those years ago ;)

When you wake again, you find yourself comfortable in your own bed. Someone must have changed you into your pajamas but honestly, you don’t mind. Given the cast you don't think you'd have been very successful on your own anyway. The cast itself is the only immediate indication of the days events. 

Glancing across the room, your eyes settle on Steve sleeping on the love seat in your living area. Your throat is dry and scratchy but you don’t want to wake him just yet.

Gingerly, you lift the covers with your good hand and slowly make your way out of bed towards your small kitchen area. As your fingers close around a glass, you hear movement behind you. 

“Ma’am, you’re supposed to be resting. Doctor’s orders.” You smile softly as you fill the glass. Glancing over your shoulder, you see that Steve is sitting up on the couch, smiling as he watches you.

“I was thirsty,” you explain as you make your way towards the couch. “And I didn’t want to wake you. You looked exhausted.” 

“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I was just resting my eyes while you slept.” He moves over, giving you more room to get comfortable as you sit down next to him. “I didn’t want to wake _you_ after what you went through.” 

You take in a shaky breath, thumb rubbing on the edge of the glass rim. “James is the reason that I’m even here.” 

Steve shifts uncomfortably beside you. “Beautiful, I’m going to need you to elaborate a little.”

Closing your eyes briefly, you begin to explain as memories of that awful day shift into focus.

_It was supposed to be a routine fact finding mission._

_After intercepting a coded message, Chief Dooley had asked you and your team to investigate a Hydra base just outside of Yekaterinburg, long thought to be abandoned._

_Getting into the base had been easy. The security systems had been disabled long before you had even arrived. “Pinkerton, you scout ahead. We’ll be right behind you.” You had ordered._

_“Yes ma’am.” The man had nodded, walking off down the hall, gun at the ready._

_“Falsworth,” You paused, thinking that you had heard distant footsteps._

_“Ma’am?” Falsworth asked, eyes fixed on you as you turned to look at him._

_You had muttered an apology, thoughts still on the strange sound. “Take Dernier and look into some of these rooms. Remember, we are just looking for anything important they left behind.” Gesturing to the many open doors, Falsworth had nodded and called Dernier to him as he started off._

_“Dugan, you’re with me.” The man was instantly by your side when you had ordered it of him._

_You had slowly made your way down the long hallway, looking in on your men as you went. The base was silent except for the sound of your own boots. When you had found a staircase at the end of the hall, you had let Dugan go down the stairs first, giving you time to draw your service pistol from its holster._

_At the base of the stairs you had come to an interior cul de sac. Five doors lined the walls, all closed except for the one directly in front of you, which looked like the hinges had been torn clean off the wall. You had decided on the path of least resistance and proceeded into that room, Dugan at your heels._

_The interior walls were lined with book filled shelves. The far wall had been cluttered up with charts but you didn’t focus on any of them. Instead, your focus had been on the large wooden desk that sat in the middle of the room._

_“Keep watch, Sergeant.” You instructed Dugan softly as you made your way over._

_You dropped your satchel onto the abandoned chair before starting to pull on the drawers._ Of course, they’re all locked _you had thought. You knelt down to inspect the drawers in hopes of jimmying one open when you had noticed a small hidden opening just under the lip of the desk._

_Slipping your fingers inside, you had just been able to reach what felt like a latch. You pulled it and a with a soft click, the lower drawer had popped open._

_“Sergeant, come here.” You pulled the books from the drawer to set them up on the desk. “Do you know what these are?” Your eyes had met Dugan’s as he stood opposite you, shaking his head._

_“No idea ma’am.” He paused. “But if they were hidden like that, they must be important.”_

_You were about to agree when you both looked up, hearing heavy boots on the stairs. “Stay put.” Dugan had ordered as he rushed out the door._

_Hearing a sudden commotion, you shoved everything you could into your discarded satchel before throwing it over your shoulder and retrieving your Colt from the desk. You inched closer to the door, listening for any sounds of distress._

_When you had turned the corner, Dugan was talking to the rest of the team. “We are definitely not alone here,” Falsworth spoke quickly, looking back up the stairs. “We need to evacuate immediately.”_

_Before anyone had a chance to move, the stairway had been flooded with operatives all wearing the Hydra sigil on their arms. “Ma’am,” Dugan turned to you. “Get those out of here. Now!”_

_You didn’t need to be told twice. You hurriedly tried the door closest to you and found it unlocked. Slipping inside, you had stopped dead, eyes landing on what had appeared to be large tubes of some kind._

_“What in the….” Hearing footsteps, you had stopped and turned to find Bucky Barnes standing less than a foot away from you. Confusion then relief had flooded through you. “My God, you’re alive!”_

_You had taken a step forward to embrace the man you had once thought of as a close friend when suddenly, his hand had closed around your throat. “James?” You had choked out, eyes wide as you stared up at him._

_Wordlessly the man had walked you back, shoving you hard against one of the open chambers. In his cold steel eyes, you saw no recognition, no hint of the man he once was. The complete loathing you had seen reflecting back at you was terrifying._

_“James, you’re hurting -” You had tried to speak but his grip only tightened, cutting off your air supply. Your own hands moved to the hand gripping your throat, trying to pry his fingers lose._

_As your fingers wrapped around his, you realized with horror that dislodging them was impossible. They weren’t his fingers anymore but metal replacements you had no hope of getting free from._

_As you struggled against him, Bucky released his grip on your throat and took a step back. His eyes had narrowed viciously when they met yours. Before you had a chance to push yourself out, he had slammed the door to the small chamber and you had heard the lock engage._

“Next thing I remember, I woke up here.” You tell Steve softly. You pull your eyes from the glass when you are met with silence. Steve is staring into the dark room, the muscles in his jaw tick, setting his mouth into a tense line. 

“Say something.” You pause, setting the glass on the coffee table and turning back to face him. “Please.” 

He takes in a sharp breath before gently pulling you into his arms. “I’m so sorry.” With his arms wrapped around you, you can feel his body trembling. “Why didn’t you tell me when you woke up?” he asks, his voice shaking slightly.

“You had lost him once, I didn’t want you to have to mourn him again.” You pull away from him, your eyes searching his tear filled ones. “I thought I could put it all behind me and just start a new life with you here.” 

Steve wipes at the corner of his eyes and reaches to take your hand. “So when you saw him earlier…” He trails off as you nod. 

“I panicked because last time I saw him, he was trying to kill me.” You are relieved to know that he understands. But it still doesn’t clear up the confusion that you have. “Why is he here? _How_ is he here?”

“He’s here the same way you and I both are. And as for why,” His hand moves to the back of his neck, rubbing the skin there. “He’s part of the team. Has been for a-” 

You don’t wait for him to finish. “Were you not listening? James can’t be trusted!” 

“Sweetheart,” he starts calmly.

Again, you cut him off. “No, I don’t know what he told you but you can’t trust him, Steve! He has to be working for Hydra still.” 

He sighs, shaking his head as he moves to stand from the couch. “Buck was a mess when we first got him back. He had been working for Hydra for years, but he had no control over what he was doing.”

You shake your own head as he continues, “They had brainwashed him, made him do unspeakable things again and again. He had tried to kill me before he got out from under their control. When we finally demolished Hydra, we fixed Buck for good. Tony was there, you can ask him.” 

“Fixed him? Are you crazy?! He tried to kill me earlier!” You stand, holding up the cast. 

“I spoke with him once I got you settled in bed. He was just as startled to see you standing in the kitchen. He hadn’t meant to hurt you.”

“Oh I highly doubt that.” You fold your arms across your chest as he turns to fully face you, his eyes searching yours. 

It takes a moment before he speaks again. “Do you trust me?” 

Your response is automatic, you trust him with your life. “Of course I do.” 

“Then trust my judgement about this, about him.” 

He is pleading with you to understand but he doesn’t get it. You trust him with every fiber of your being, but Bucky? There is no way to trust that man. Not after what he had done to you, not once but twice. “I’m sorry, my love, but I can’t. Not this time.”

Steve goes to respond but you put your hand up to stop him. “I think I’d like to be alone right now,” you whisper. “It’s been a very long day.”

The hurt in his eyes is unmistakable. “As you wish.” He moves to the door, glancing back at you as he reaches for the handle. “I’ll have Tony check on you in the morning.” You give him a nod as he walks out without another word. 

As soon as the door is closed, you sink down into the couch, sobbing. You knew this second chance with him was too good to be true. With what Bucky had done looming over you, how could you ever truly be happy? 


	11. Chapter Eleven

The next morning, you hear a knock on the door and let out a soft sigh of annoyance. You certainly don’t feel like talking to Steve again but brighten quickly when you remember that Tony should be the one checking in on you.

You push yourself up from the bed and wrap the bathrobe around your frame. “Good morning, Tony.” You greet, looking up at the man as you pull open the door to your suite. 

“Hey Ace,” Tony smiles holding up a mug of coffee to you. “How ya feeling this morning?”

You step aside, allowing him to enter. “Tired and sore.” You answer honestly, knowing that he won’t judge you. 

The two of you move to sit down on the sofa as you take the cup from him. “So, uh, Cap filled me in on what you told him ...if you’ve got questions that you maybe couldn’t ask him, I can try to fill in the blanks. If you want me to.”

He’s right. There are so many questions that you had wanted to ask but last night hadn’t been the right time. You glance down and run your thumb over the handle of the mug. “Tony, I don’t even know where to start. How can you even trust Bucky after everything he’s done?” 

“Honestly, I don’t trust him.” You snap your head up as man as he speaks, eyes widening. This isn’t what you had expected to hear. “He did unforgivable things to my family and for that- I will never, ever, trust him but I do trust Rogers’ judgement.” 

You slowly nod, understanding him completely. You trust Steve without question, but there is something under the surface that still terrifies you about Bucky. “It’s impossible for me to believe that after so many years of violence and torture while under Hydra’s control, he could just be fixed,” you snap your fingers, “like that.”

“Believe me Ace, I get you. I’m willing to accept that he’s part of the team, but I can only be civil with him, at best.” He looks over at you, leaning back while you sip your coffee. “What can I do to make this easier for you?” 

You smile considering his offer, “Help me train?” 

When he looks baffled by your request, you explain, ”I need to be able to handle the tech and weaponry you outfit the team with and incorporate them into what hand-to-hand I already know.” 

“You’ve been thinking about this for a while I’m assuming?” he asks. You nod in reply. 

“As soon as you get that cast off,” Tony gestures to your wrist. “I promise I will help get you up to speed with whatever you want- on two conditions.”

You stay silent and allow him to continue.

“One, any hand-to-hand combat you need- we’re calling Thor. I saw you take down that giant, I’ll pass on that one. And two,” he stands up, pointing at you. “Eventually, you’re the one to tell the old man. Not me.”

***

With nothing but time to kill until you can get that cast off your wrist, you dive right into researching. Your days are mostly spent in the archives wing, feeling a twist of nostalgia in your stomach as you wade through the shelves of old books and mountains of papers. 

You want to know everything that you can about Bucky, the Winter Soldier Program, and Hydra. Tony supplies what information he has and when he doesn't have the answer, he directs you where to find it. 

It doesn’t take long before you come across the files and video footage containing the details of Howard and Maria Stark’s deaths. After scanning the files, you decide that you need to see for yourself if what’s written there is true.

You make a few clumsy attempts at working the small screen in the viewing room but with some frustration, you eventually succeed. With your eyes glued to the screen, you cover your mouth in horror and feel your blood run cold as you realize Bucky was entirely responsible. 

Video tape in hand, you soon find yourself standing outside of Tony’s office. You listen for a moment as he talks to F.R.I.D.A.Y. before you push open the door. He looks up from a blueprint, smiling as he sees your face. “Almost time to get outta that cast, huh?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You accuse with an angry whisper, glaring at him from the doorway. 

“Tell you what?” He asks, confusion clear on his face. 

You cross the room, throwing the tape down onto the desk in front of him. “He killed Howard.” 

Tony can’t hide the surprise on his face when his gaze moves over the tape. “Ace, I uh..” You can see the wheels turning in his head when he makes a pained expression. 

When he does answer you, his voice is low and thick with emotion. “I’m still kinda dealing with it all myself, and I knew you were close to my pop. I should have said something when you told me I reminded you of him. But it never seemed the right time. And then after what Barnes did to you, I guess I thought... I don't know, I guess I didn’t want to upset you anymore than you already were.”

Shaking your head, you sink down into one of the chairs. “I wish you had told me because then you wouldn’t have had to go through this alone. I could’ve been there for you. After I lost both of them the first time, all I had was Howard. He was one of my best friends.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner.”

“I understand why you didn’t tell me, and I am truly sorry for what happened to them.” You say softly, folding your hands in your lap. 

“Well, now we can commiserate together, huh Ace?” He gives you a small grin.

A smile tugs at the corners of your mouth, hearing Howard’s voice when Tony speaks. “Did I ever tell you, your father used to call me that when we worked together.” 

***

Your wrist is still weak from eight weeks worth of healing but with Tony’s help, you can feel it starting to get back to where it used to be. He has shown you a few strengthening exercises to do on your own, and so while Steve is running a debriefing, you are hard at work in the training room. 

Hearing the door open behind you, you turn to greet whoever it is and stop. Your eyes lock with Bucky’s and your heart starts to race. With his bulky frame filling the doorway, he is blocking the only exit. “I really would like to talk to you,” he says as you set down the small weight and take a few deliberate steps forward. 

“Move.” You command as calmly as you can, your voice conveying all the confidence that you, yourself do not feel.

Bucky shifts out of the way as you take a few tentative steps towards the door. “I wanted to apologize.” He says delicately

You spin on your heel and confront him head on. All the anger, pain and terror you’ve felt since you saw him in the kitchen, pours out of you and bleeds into your words. “James, you _killed_ Howard, you tried to kill Steve, and tried to kill me. Twice. I don’t want your apology, I want you gone.” 

He raises his palms in surrender. “I understand that you’re upset, you have every right to be. Please believe me, I had no control over what I was doing. I remember everything but I had no way to stop it.”

Bucky moves to touch your arm and you shift away violently. He exhales slowly then continues, “Do you think I _wanted_ to kill Howard Stark? Do you think I _wanted_ to try and hurt my best friend? Or _you_? You were one of the most important people in my life.” 

You remain silent, folding your arms across your chest defensively.

“I hate that I’ve caused you so much pain, then and now. My first instinct when you came at me was to defend myself, and I’m sorry. I should’ve listened to what you were saying and realized that you were just as confused as me and that you weren’t a threat.”

He pauses, searching your eyes. “Please, let me try and earn back your trust. If not for our friendship, then for Steve.” 

“I’m sorry, that is never going to happen. I don’t trust you. You and I?” You gesture between the two of you. “We will never be friends again, but for Steve’s sake, I will be civil.” 

“I guess I can take that.” He says gingerly, bending to pick up a pair of gloves from the floor. 

“Well, that’s all I’m offering.” You answer, leaving the room before he has a chance to respond.


	12. Chapter Twelve

“See Ace, I told you that you’d get it!” Tony claps you on the back as you remove the virtual reality glasses from your face and adjust your eyes back to the fluorescent lighting of the training room. Hand-to-hand combat is stunningly different when you can place yourself in the middle of a crisis without being in actual danger. 

He takes the technology from you and starts to pack it back up as the door opens suddenly behind you. Before you can even turn, Tony shoves you down behind a pile of mats to his immediate left.

“What, uh, what are you doing down here?” His voice is too loud for the small room and you realize it’s because he had clearly been caught off guard.

“Looking for you.” You silently curse yourself when you hear Steve’s voice. Of course he would need to talk to Tony right now. “What are you doing down here? Any training you do usually requires airspace clearance and the landing field.” 

“Oh, you know.” Over the top of the mats, you can see Tony stretch dramatically. “Just some hot yoga.”

“Hot yoga?” Steve sounds skeptical and you cover your mouth to stifle the laugh. 

“Yeah, I heard about it in L.A. wanted to give it a try, thought maybe it would help Banner to relax.” 

“Mm hmm.” 

“I mean, that guy’s always going on and on about how tense he is. And if we’re being honest, him being tense isn’t good for anyone here. He’s tense, I’m tense, we’re all tense..”

“Tony.” 

“Hmm?” 

“What’d you shove behind the mats?” 

“Uh.” You can see that Steve is moving closer and that there really isn’t a way to stop him from seeing you. “You aren’t going to like it.” Tony finishes in a high voice. 

Your eyes meet Steve’s and you slowly stand up, brushing yourself off. “Hello, darling.” 

“Are you two serious?” Steve turns to look at Tony as the man throws his hands up. 

“Hey! She asked for my help.” Tony shoots back, defensively. “What was I supposed to say? No?” 

“It’s true. I did ask, so please don’t be mad at him for this.” You move around the pile of mats and can see the anger building in his eyes as Steve turns to look at you. 

Steve doesn’t pull his gaze from you as he speaks. “Tony, I need you to give us a minute.” 

“Uh, you got it.” Tony backs out of the room, mouthing an apology to you as he goes.

The two of you stand in silence for a moment, allowing Tony more than enough time to make it back upstairs and into safety.

You speak first, voice soft. “I know you’re mad, but -”

“Mad doesn’t even begin to cover it. We discussed this and you went behind my back and did it anyway.” Steve folds his arms across his chest, eyes boring into yours. 

“Steve -”

He continues talking, cutting you off. “Is this how our life together is going to be? You sneaking around with Stark and breaking your promises?” 

“I need to be able to protect myself.” You reason, choosing to ignore the jab made at Tony’s expense.

“I can protect you.” He says flatly, arms crossed. 

“You couldn’t protect me from James.” You counter, knowing that you're about to make a low blow when it comes to Bucky. “Either time.”

The anguished expression you see in his eyes is unmistakable but you find that right now, you can’t care. Instead of moving to apologize or comfort him, you stride angrily to the door. He calls your name but you ignore him. You turn back at him as he calls your name a second time and asks you to wait. 

“No,” you say, harsher than you intended, “Why can’t you understand that I’m scared?” 

He stands there in stunned silence as you leave the room. 

*** 

With a heavy sigh, you stir your tea and look out over the small garden. After yet another disagreement over you wanting more for yourself than just what lay within the walls of the compound, you just wanted to be away from Steve for a while.

Hearing footsteps, you close your eyes for a moment and take in a deep breath. You’d recognize the sound of his gait anywhere. When you open them again, exhaling as you do, Steve is standing in front of you. 

“I’m done arguing with you,” you declare, avoiding his eyes. “So please go back inside.” 

“I don’t want to fight either.” Steve answers in a softer tone than you expected.

“Then what _do_ you want?” You don’t have it in you to be combative now, you just want calm and quiet.

He moves to sit across from you at the small table. “I had no idea that you were scared, doll.” 

“That’s because you don’t listen.” You say, folding your hands on the table. “You just shut me down whenever I bring up the idea of training.” You know the next words are going to hurt him but he desperately needs to hear them. “You make me feel worthless, like what I want doesn’t matter to you at all.” 

Steve recoils as if you’ve slapped him. “I am so sorry, I never meant to make you feel like that.” He reaches across the table to take your hands but you pull them back, folding them down into your lap. “You are the most important thing in my life, I’m just so scared to lose you again.” 

“If you’re so worried about losing me,” you accuse him angrily. “Then you need to let me be prepared to defend myself when you’re not around.” 

“And this is what you really want?” Steve concedes with a sigh as you nod. “Alright. But only with Tony or myself.” 

You agree quickly, worried that he may change his mind if you take too long. “I need you to promise me something though,” He continues and you can feel your pulse quicken. 

“If and when you decide to go out on a mission, we will discuss it first? If I’m gonna bend, I’m gonna need you to bend with me.” 

“I can do that.” 

Steve smiles as he leans back, reaching into his pocket. “I was able to get something of yours back, I know your birthday isn’t until tomorrow but I wanted to give it to you now.” You watch as he produces the locket he had given you years ago and you light up at the sight of it. As he turns it over in his hand, he sucks in a sharp breath of air and flinches slightly. 

“Are you alright, my love?” You ask, trying to fuss over him.

“Yeah, I’m fine, hinge must’ve caught me.” He promises with a wide grin. “Guess I gotta get it fixed before you can wear it again.” 

Standing, he holds out a hand to you. You take it and he leads you back into the compound. “So, Tony show you any good moves?” 

You laugh. “I mean, I knew most of what he was showing me, but now I’m sure that I could take you down.” 

“Oh yeah? Maybe we’ll test that theory out in private.” he chuckles, moving his hand to the small of your back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aggression is coming... Dark!Steve starts next chapter so buckle up.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you read the tags.... You've been waiting thirteen chapters for Dark!Steve.... He's arrived and it only gets darker from here.

“Are you going to clean this mess up?” Surprised at his tone, you turn to look at Steve as he speaks, brows furrowing. He is pointing to the mess spread across the table from the dinner that you had cooked. 

“Excuse me?” You ask. The question had come out of his mouth abruptly and his tone had more force behind it than necessary. 

You can see his eyes visibly soften as he stares back at you. “Uh… I mean…. Do you want help cleaning this up?” 

This time, his question felt almost forced but you shake your head at him. “I’ll do it.” Now your voice comes out a little harsher than you expect as you start stacking dishes. Maybe he was tired. It _had_ been a long day for you both.

“Leave it,” he orders, taking the plates from your hands. “I’ll deal with it later, let’s grab something to drink and watch the sun go down from your balcony.” 

***

“I always loved watching the sunsets with you.” You muse as you watch soft shades of purple and red fill the sky.

Steve takes a long drink from his beer before turning to look at you. “I don’t want you to train with Stark. Only me.” 

“Why?” You ask, confused. “I thought you trusted Tony as much as I do.” You set your wine glass down, eyes moving to meet his. 

“I can see the way he looks at you. Especially when he thinks no one else can see it.” He pushes his chair back, startling you as he stands. “Stark thinks he can have whatever he wants, but he can’t have you. You’re mine.” 

You slowly stand, confusion furrows your brow. “Tony and I are just friends. That’s all either of us ever want to be and Steven, for goodness sake- what do you think I am? Your possession? You do not _own_ me.” 

He knocks the table over, shattering the glasses against the floor as he closes the distance between you in the blink of an eye. “I _think_ you’re whatever I tell you to be.” His fingers snake into your hair, pulling your head back so you are forced to look up at him. 

“What are you doing?” You yelp, the wind knocked out of you as Steve slams your body back against the wall. You let out a soft gasp from the shock of the impact, mingled with the pain of his fingers still tugging below the crown of your head.

As if taking the gasp as one of pleasure, he forces his body against your own and leans down, his lips pressing roughly to yours. You try to turn your face away from his but he moves his free hand to your chin, holding you still.

His kiss is aggressive and demanding as he moves to biting your lip, bruising the skin there. You can’t stop the whimper that escapes from your mouth. You can’t think.

 _Something’s wrong_ ; _this isn’t like Steve at all._

His actions remind you of a man your father tried to get you to marry, so long ago. Don had been a violent and possessive man, who enjoyed the fear he was able to instill in you. Even when you told him no, he never took that as an answer. You had hoped to never have to think of him again. 

Your thoughts are disrupted when you feel Steve’s fingers release from your hair and for a moment, you’re flooded with relief.

_He’s come to his senses._

With sudden horror, you feel his hand slip over your breasts and move to the buttons keeping your blouse closed. Before you can protest, you feel the buttons pop as he rips open the silk. 

“Steve.” You finally gasp out as you twist beneath him, hopelessly attempting to get free. Your voice is small and desperate, but you have to try. “Please, stop.” 

“Do _not_ tell me to stop.” He glares down at you, hand sliding quickly from your chin to your throat. You stare back at him frozen, eyes wide with fresh panic as you feel his fingers tighten and cut off your air. 

“ _Please_.” The word comes out in a wheeze. Steve ignores you, crushing his lips to yours again, hand still firmly pressed against your windpipe.

You try frantically to shove him off of you and get air into your lungs but even without his hand around your throat, you don’t have the strength to push him away. 

You can see gray at the corners of your vision and with one final attempt to escape, you dig your nails into the arm he has pressed against your neck and scratch down, trying to draw blood. 

Steve lets out a low growl as he pulls away. “You bitch...” His eyes soften as they connect with yours as you collapse to the floor, coughing and gasping for air. “Oh my God.” He drops to his knees beside you, hand reaching out to rub your back. 

Shoving his hand away, you scramble backwards to the balcony railing. “Don’t touch me.” All you can manage is a whisper between the tears catching in your throat and the panic still flooding your system.

“I’m sorry. I… I don’t know what came over me.” Steve is quick to stand, eyes still glued to you as you try to compose yourself. “I...” he pauses, confusion clouding his features. “I have to go.” 

Sparing a final glance in your direction, he dashes off the balcony and out of your room. As soon as you hear the door shut, you are on your feet as fast as you are able.

You rush to the door and slam the lock into place, chest heaving with adrenaline. Once you are sure Steve can’t get back in, you slide down against the door, sobbing and wrap your arms around your knees. 

You can feel new bruises forming on your throat and after a few moments, you push yourself up from the floor to inspect the damage. As you stand, your eyes catch the discarded locket on the edge of your bed and fresh tears spill down your cheeks.

You grab the necklace from its place on the comforter and hurl it to the far end of your room as if in doing so, you could erase from your mind all memories of it along with what Steve had just done to you. 

***

“Happy Birthday, Ace.” The voice startles you and you turn from the stove forcing a smile onto your face. Tony stands behind you wearing an expression of concern and confusion. “You just jumped like six feet, you okay?” 

You can see his eyes drop to the silk scarf around your neck and silently wish you had worn something with a high collar instead. Anything that wouldn’t draw attention the way the scarf seems to be. With how worked up Steve had gotten last night about Tony, you know that you can’t chance bringing him into this mess.

“Oh, I’m fine. No one’s usually up this early, that’s all.” You reach for a stack of plates and turn to him. “Would you help me set the table?” 

Tony focuses his attention to the plates. “So this is what I get for being the first one here?” He takes them from you and disappears into the other room. 

“Morning Tony!” You tense at the sound of Steve’s voice. “Where’s the birthday girl?” He seems to be in an exceedingly good mood, like nothing had happened the night before and uneasiness settles in the pit of your stomach.

Before he can step into the kitchen, you take a deep breath and brace yourself on the counter to stop trembling. “Morning, beautiful.” You feel his arms wrap around your waist. 

“Please,” You whisper, his lips press against your neck as you fight back the tears. “Not here.” 

Steve spins you around and you immediately shut your eyes. “Hey,” His fingers on your cheek are soft and gentle but you flinch all the same. “Can’t I kiss my best girl on her birthday?” Part of you is thankful that he seemed to not notice your discomfort.

You slowly open your eyes, looking up at his. “Of course, I...” You pause trying to decide what to say to him that would anger him the least. “I just need to get breakfast to the table.” 

He releases you and for a moment, you can see the anger flash behind his eyes. “Fine.” As he heads towards the table, you follow behind him, serving dish in hand. 

Everyone seems to have made their way to the table and you let out a soft sigh of relief. With most of the team around, it seems less likely that Steve will try something again. Letting everyone serve themselves, you quietly move to your place between Steve and Dr. Banner. 

“Ooo, looks like you didn’t get much sleep last night. Celebrating her birthday a little early?” Tony laughs, pointing his fork at the scratches you left on Steve’s arm. His eyes flicker to you. “That must be why you were so jumpy this morning, huh?” 

Out of the corner of your eye, Steve’s whole body goes rigid, hand gripping the knife from the table. He looks up slowly, meeting Tony’s eye. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The soft chatter at the table stops as Steve turns his head and glares. Four curious sets of eyes slide to you.

“What did you tell him happened last night?” The man asks, his quiet voice filled with malice.

“Nothing,” You whisper, feeling dread coil in your stomach. “I just asked Tony to set the table.” 

“Oh come on, you jumped like six feet when I came in the room.” Tony laughs, leaning back and your eyes are on him quickly, pleading with him silently to stop talking. “Like obviously somebody had a good time last night.” 

“That’s none of your Goddamn business, Stark.” Steve stands abruptly, gripping the edge of the table and you can’t help the shiver that runs through you. 

“Ooo, you kiss her with that mouth?” Tony chuckles as Steve’s hand shifts from the table to pick up his plate. 

Steve whips his plate across the room and it shatters against the wall. “I bet _you’d_ like to.” 

When you don’t immediately move to follow him from the room, Bucky stands and makes his way down the hall after Steve. Everyone else at the table remains silent for a moment, just watching you as you cover your face with your hands.

“What the hell was that about?” Sam pipes up. 

“I upset him yesterday and it must still be bothering him.” You reply softly. 

“I know he was pissed but that wasn’t all you,” Tony starts. Hearing footsteps returning, the room silences and you peek up to see Steve standing in the doorway. He points to the floor in front of him and you hurriedly excuse yourself from the room.

Once out of earshot of the dining area, Steve whirls around in the hallway and faces you. His face is twisted into a mask of rage that distorts his handsome features. You suck in a quick breath when you meet his eyes. 

He takes a step towards you and you instinctively step away from him, feeling the wall against your back. “What did you say to him?” He growls. 

“N-Nothing, sweetheart, I swear.” Your voice is unsteady as he slams his hands against the wall on either side of your head and leans in. 

“Don’t ‘sweetheart’ me. I know what you two are doing behind my back.” His voice a low snarl as he leans closer to whisper his next words right by your ear. “And God help you both when I catch you doing it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we warned you up top but it only gets worse from here (or better depending on how you feel about it).


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just remember the tags and enjoy.

You spend the next day or two locked in your room, despite everyone in the compound coming to check on you. You eventually have to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to engage a ‘do not disturb’ protocol.

It’s the only way you can finally get some peace to try and work through what happened to turn Steve into a completely different person. 

Long after the team has gone to bed, you’re anxiously still awake. You sit on the small love seat, a book in your hands. Even though you know you can’t concentrate on the words, you have to try and take your mind off of what is going on. 

“Ma’am, I’m sorry.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. announces into the stillness of the room. “Captain Rogers is overriding my safety protocols, I am shutting down.” 

You hear the lock disengage as your eyes dart around the room, looking for some place to hide. Realizing there is no where you can go that he won’t find you, you calmly set the book down and try to steel your nerves. 

“You’ve been hole’d up in here for days.” Steve hisses as he strides casually over to where you’re sitting. “You wouldn’t be stupid enough to try and avoid me, would you?” 

“Please, Steve. I don’t want to argue with you.” You shake your head quickly, hating how terrified you already sound.

“While I was looking for you,” he explains with a smirk. “I decided that I’m not going to wait for you to try and run off with Stark.” Your eyes move to his hands as he starts undoing his belt. “I need to show you who you belong to.” 

He pulls the belt through the loops and reaches for your arm. This is too familiar for you and you can’t help but shiver at the memories of your past. Quickly, you scramble away from him and duck under his outstretched arm, making a dash for the door.

Before you can get close, you feel his fingers close around your wrist. In one swift motion, he pulls you and yanks your arms behind your back. You struggle against him as he ties your wrists together tightly with the belt. 

“You just had to make this worse for yourself, didn't you?” Steve mocks viciously, pushing you towards the bed. You gape up at him in wide eyed panic as he shoves you down onto the comforter and pushes your legs open with his knees. 

“Please, don’t do this.” You beg, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "There is _nothing_ going on between Tony and I. Please, this isn’t you.” 

“Shut up or I’ll give you a reason to cry.” He pushes up your dress and you try to fight against your restraints. The leather of his belt is unyielding and it's already cutting into your wrists.

One of his hands moves to your chest, pinning you down to the bed while the other moves to your panties. 

“Steve, please.” You beg again. His cold eyes flicker to yours as you feel the fabric rip with enough force to leave a friction burn. He tosses the torn panties aside and turns his attention to his own pants.

“Scream for help and you’ll regret it.” Steve threatens and the calmness in his voice is so out of place given the situation you're in. "Not that anyone would believe a thing you said if you did. You're _nothing_ to them, nothing without your precious 'Captain America'. You don't even belong here.” 

Without warning, he slams his cock into you and you have to bite your lip to keep from screaming. “You’re mine and I’m going to do whatever I want with you."

Steve’s words make you tremble in fear. They are so unlike him, and so very much like the threats Don had made that you can’t think straight. You can’t comprehend why Steve is doing this to you; hurting you so viciously.

He pulls out fully and before you can catch your breath, he slams into you again. " _Say it._ Tell me who you belong to." This time, you can’t stop yourself from crying out. Not stopping his relentless motion, he slaps you hard across the face. The stinging only makes you sob harder.

“Please don’t make me…” You whimper. You don’t want to say it. If you do, it will only make this more real. You’re already reminded of the countless times Don forced himself on you. Never in a million years would you have believed you’d have to place Steve in the same category as him. That horrible man got enjoyment out of hurting you; you swore Steve was different. 

Once more, Steve slaps you. “ _Say it_.” He growls, making you shut your eyes tight to stop the tears from flowing. 

“ _No, no, no._ ” You repeat the word over and over in some hope that he might come to his senses and realize what he’s doing.

Your actions have the opposite effect on him. Instead of releasing you, the hand on your chest quickly moves to your throat and your eyes fly open. He leans down, putting his full weight on you and you struggle uselessly to get air into your lungs. 

"I can't brea-" You futilely try to gasp but Steve shows no signs of loosening his vice like grip on your throat. In fact, he seems to enjoy the terror that is written on your face. 

"That's the point, doll." He sneers, slamming back into you with force. "You can't say no if you can't breathe." 

You want to try and scream, do something to save yourself, but Steve anticipates your next move. Viciously, he takes his free hand and clamps it over your mouth and nose effectively cutting off any ability to draw air into your lungs. 

Panic takes over when you realize you can't get any air at all and you try frantically to squirm out from under his grip.

"I think I prefer you like this." Steve taunts, smirking as he watches you struggle. "I should keep you tied down and locked in here. I could take you whenever I want, however I want."

You know any attempts to free yourself are useless when you start to feel light headed; your lungs are desperate for the air they're being denied. He is too strong and as long as he keeps his hands secured around your throat and covering your airways, you have no hope of escape- not until he's done with you. 

You can’t fight him as he forces himself in you over and over again. Steve must be aware that he’s suffocating you and the knowledge that he keeps going despite the fact that he could kill you is your last thought as you slip into darkness. 

***

Hours later, you come to. Opening your eyes, you look around the suite and see it flooded with light from the afternoon sun. You crane your neck back, trying to find Steve. When you see no trace of him- you attempt to sit up, struggling when you realize your hands are still secured behind your back.

You can feel the strain in your shoulders as you pull at your restraints and find them tied just as tightly as they were the night before. An uncomfortable feeling of familiarity settles in your stomach; this isn't the first time you’ve spent the night restrained. 

Although, after how awful that night had been, you had been unable to sleep when your father refused to remove the handcuffs that Don had secured behind your back. You had stayed awake most of night, waiting for the morning so you could beg your father to uncuff you. This was different, you were unconscious and had laid on top of your arms for who knows how long.

That was the first night Don forced himself on you. He had spent that evening making thinly veiled threats when you refused his advances. When you tried to fight him off in his apartment, he had handcuffed, threatened and forced you into having sex with him. You hadn’t wanted him to touch you; you still remember his rough voice in your ear when he told you that what you wanted didn’t matter. You were _his_.

In a terrifying parallel, Steve, the man you love and trust more than anyone in the world, had done something so much worse. Not only had he  _ raped  _ you- the word hurts to even think it, but you're convinced that Steve tried to kill you last night. He had to know what he was doing to you, and he hadn’t stopped. 

A sob bubbles out of your throat as you scramble to figure out your next steps.

You roll onto your stomach and are able to get your footing so you can stand. Making your way towards the bathroom, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror over the dresser.

Your eyes are puffy from crying and the bruises around your neck have gotten worse. You can make out a mottled hand print on top of the old one and panic travels down your spine as you wonder how you are going to hide them. 

Pushing your panic aside, you kneel down, looping the belt around the handle of the bathroom door. Biting down hard on your lip, you push yourself forward, tugging at the leather. Your shoulders ache and the leather bites into your wrists worse than before but you fight through it. You know you need to get out of the restraints before Steve comes back. 

Finally, you feel the bonds loosen and you’re able to slip one arm out. You let out a whimper as pain shoots through your shoulder. Bringing your other arm in front of you, you gingerly work at getting the belt off. 

You throw the leather into a corner and stand, using the bathroom door as your support. Your entire body is sore and all you want to do is crawl into bed and cry but you have to make sure he is gone.

With shaky hands, you slowly turn the handle to the bathroom and peek your head inside, searching for any indication that he was there. Finding nothing but an empty room, you let out the breath you had been holding and move to the balcony. 

He isn’t there either and you can’t help the soft sob that escapes your lips again. At least for a minute, you know you’re safe. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. are you here?” Your voice is hoarse and you try your hardest to keep the shake out of it. 

“Yes ma’am.” The A.I. automatically responds. “I was rebooted at 0700h. Your heart rate is elevated, you seem to be having a mild anxiety attack. Would you like me to alert Captain Rogers?” 

“No!” The word comes out higher and faster than you wanted. _Literally anything but that._ “No, I.. I don’t want to worry him. I’m perfectly fine. Could you tell me what time it is? And where exactly is Captain Rogers now?”

“It’s just after noon, ma’am.” Your eyes move to your discarded panties by the bed. How could he have done this to you? “Captain Rogers is out running drills with Sergeant Barnes and NCO Wilson. He is expected back around 1700h.” 

Slipping into the bathroom, you mumble a thank you. Locking the door behind you, you rip the dress off over your head and stuff it into the wastebasket. You stare at it for a moment, reliving the nightmare that was last night, tears streaming down your face.

Finding the will to move, you step into the shower and turn the water on as hot as you can stand it. 

You scrub every inch of your body until your skin is raw. Your eyes fall on the bruises along your upper thighs and panic sets in again. In the middle of all the chaos, you don’t remember him doing anything that would’ve caused those. At least, not while you were awake.

Sinking down against the shower wall, you take your head into your hands and sob. 

Close to an hour later, you stand in the bathroom, hand resting on the doorknob. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., am I alone?” 

The A.I. is quick to respond yet again. “Yes ma’am, there is no one in your suite but you.” 

Nodding to yourself, you step out of the room in only a towel and head directly to the wardrobe that Tony had curated for you. You didn’t want to involve him but now you have no other option. Without his help, you’re terrified that Steve will kill you. 

It doesn’t take you long to get yourself together with that thought lingering. You cover yourself as much possible, choosing a more modern long sleeve dress with a turtleneck. You check yourself over once, making sure that everything is as covered as you can get it, and you ask the A.I. where you can find Tony and carefully leave the room.

Armed with his location, you make your way to his workshop. 

“Hey Ace! Whatcha doing down here?” Tony seems surprised as he looks up from the scattered pieces of his suit. “What’s going on with you and Rogers? Because he’s been in a _mood_ since your birthday.” 

You inch closer to him, nervous that Steve might show up. “I need to talk to you.” Your voice is soft. “I didn’t want to involve you in this mess but I just didn’t know where else to go… Somethings wrong with him and I’m scared.” 

“I don’t think you have to be scared, Roger’s will get over it.” He sets down his tools and crosses the room to meet you. “He’s a good guy, you know that better than anyone.” 

“I don’t know that man anymore.” Your tone is insistent; you have to get him to listen to you while there’s still time. “Not after what happened.” 

“What are you talking about?” Tony asks, giving you his full attention. 

With your hands shaking again, you pull the sleeves of your dress up to show him the marks left from being restrained.

"So he's not _all_ vanilla,” Tony chuckles. “The guy’s got seventy years of pent up sexual frustration, he probably only meant that in good fun.” At the look on your face he immediately changes course. “But if you didn’t like it, just tell him and he won’t do it again.” 

“I tried to and he did this.” You pull down the turtleneck, exposing the dark bruising around your throat. 

Tony’s eyes widen immediately. “Jesus Christ, Ace. When did this happen?” Without asking, his fingers gently move across the hand prints that Steve had left. “You told him you didn't want this. And he just came at you? I mean… those look…"

You open your mouth to respond but quickly close it when Steve’s voice cuts through the lab. “So you _are_ sleeping with him now?” 

“No one’s sleeping with anyone, Rogers.” Tony steps out from behind you as you spin around. 

“Don’t give me that bullshit. She shouldn’t even be out of her room, yet here she is. Sneaking around down here with you, behind my back.” It takes Steve less than three steps to close the distance between you. 

“Sweetheart, we were just talking, I swear.” You hate how pitiful you sound but the fury you see simmering in his eyes is too much of a reminder of last night. 

He doesn’t even look at you, his eyes remain trained on Tony. “You’re a Goddamn liar.” 

Tony puts his hands up. “Clearly I was in the middle of something,” He gestures back to the pieces of one of his suits. “She just came down to talk. Is she not allowed out of her room?” 

“Please, calm down.” You beg softly. “There’s no need to overreact.” 

_Slap!_

You crumple to the floor before your brain can process what just happened. Your right cheek feels like it’s on fire and by the look on Tony’s face, he’s obviously having trouble processing it too. 

“You haven’t even seen overreact.” Steve snarls, eyes devoid of anything but hate as he stares down at you. 

Eyes narrowing, Tony put a hand out to shield you. “Woah, you need to back the fuck off.” 

Steve leans forward slightly. “I think I want you to make me.” 

Tony steps in front of you now, inches from the bigger man’s face. “Trust me, you don’t want that.” His voice is much calmer than you feel. 

“Put the suit on, let’s go a few rounds.” Steve points behind you to where a fully intact Ironman suit is standing. “Or better yet, don’t. Let’s see how long you last without it.” 

You see a flicker of uncertainty in the shorter man’s eyes but to his credit, he does not back down. Instead, he glances quickly to you. “I don’t know what your problem is, but why don’t we take this outside.” 

In that moment, Steve also seems to remember your presence and looks down at you. “You aren’t worth my time, Stark.” He snaps, reaching down. His fingers close around your upper arm and he yanks you off the floor. “We’re going.” 

“Oh you’re not taking her anywhere.” Tony snaps back, stepping toward you. 

Steve pulls you closer to him and out of his reach. “Try and stop me.” 

“It’s fine.” You know it is easier to go with him than to fight. “We’ll be fine, I want to go with him. He’s not going to hurt me. We’re just gonna go to my room and talk.” 

Seeming to understand what you’re doing, Tony takes a step back and allows him to pull you towards the door. As you pass through it, Sam comes barreling down the hall, knocking shoulders with Steve as he goes. You quickly see the split lip and hear him call out to Tony, “We need to talk about him.” before the door shuts.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

The walk to your suite is painstakingly slow. Steve is silent as he drags you along, all the while keeping his grip tight on your upper arm. The confrontation with Tony could have ended badly for both of you; if he doesn’t come, you’ll need to be more careful next time.

_If I get a next time._

You pray that he was able to understand that you do need his help but you just needed to get Steve away before it escalated into actual violence. 

With the door in sight, he releases your arm. You decide in that moment to make a run for it. Getting inside the room is easy but keeping him out is another story entirely.

You manage to close it a couple inches before he throws his hand up to stop the door from moving. The force makes you stumble back a few steps and he moves inside.

“Did you learn _nothing_ last night.” His tone is deadly quiet as he advances on you. “Killing you would be as effortless as blinking for me.” 

Your eyes are fixed on his hands as he undoes his belt. “Steve…”

 _This can’t be happening again._ As he begins to pull it through the loops, you take a chance and try to dart through the half open door.

You misjudge the distance and Steve’s hand lashes out. You manage to jerk out of reach so instead of his hand closing around your throat again, his fingers latch onto the neckline of your dress. 

Trying to pull out of his grasp, you feel the fabric rip, sending you tumbling to the floor. You frantically look around searching for anything you can use as a weapon against him. The only thing even close to you is one of your books. Grabbing it from under the coffee table, you are quick to throw it at him. 

Steve easily dodges the projectile and folds the belt in half. He raises his arm up and without a word, brings it down. You try to block the blow and the heavy leather connects with your arm. You cry out, trying to curl yourself into a tight ball.

“This is your fault.” He raises the hand once more. “You made me do this.” 

This time, you aren't fast enough to protect yourself and the belt connects with the top of your cheekbone. The pain is blinding and when you clutch your palm to the rapidly swelling area, you can feel blood trickle through your fingers. 

All that comes out of you is a broken sob and you brace yourself for another blow. Instead of the sharp sting of the belt, you feel his entire weight on top of you. You scream, struggling beneath him. 

You can barely hear Tony saying your name over your own screams as Sam and Bucky haul Steve's unconscious form to his feet and away from you.

Tony crouches low, removing the glove from his suit, but keeps enough distance for you to get your bearings. When he speaks, his voice is soft and low. “You’re safe now, Ace. He can’t touch you, he can’t hurt you.” 

Scooting closer, you wrap your arms around his waist and just sob into his chest. His arms gently encircle your small frame and when you notice your blood on his shirt, you panic and try to wipe it away.

Tony releases you, gently touching your wounded cheek, and vows to get you sorted out. His calming presence allows you to break down once more and take as much time as you need to cry yourself out. 

You have no idea how long you stay like that, it’s only Bucky’s voice that brings you back. “We got him into the holding cell. I think he’ll be out for a while.” He addresses Tony before kneeling down to look you in the eye. “I am so sorry that none of us caught this sooner.”

You say nothing but nod to acknowledge his words. Instead, you look up at Tony. “Thank you for knowing something was wrong.” 

Without missing a beat, Tony replies. “Ace, I watched that man backhand you hard enough to knock you down. How could I not know?”

“I just… I wasn’t sure if you were going to come.” You wipe your eyes, glancing over as Bucky picks something up.

“Of course I was, I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. I need you to know how proud I am of you for de-escalating the situation enough for me to get back up. Now, come on, let's get that stitched up.” 

“Stark.” Bucky frantically gestures his hand to get the other man’s attention. 

Tony doesn't bother to look in his direction, instead he focuses on helping you stand. “What is your problem?”

“I think I fucked up.” He holds out his hand and you catch a glimpse of the locket you had thrown. “Like, bad.” 

“Could you pick a different day to tell me how awful you are?” Tony asks impatiently, still not moving from your side. “Because I'm a bit busy right now.” 

“I remember this.” Bucky insists, a wave of anxiety crashing over his face. 

Tony meets his eyes coolly and lets out a heavy sigh. “You need to either explain or get out.”

“That’s my locket, of course you remember it.” You cut in, confused as to why its suddenly so important.

“No.” Bucky looks over at you for a moment. “I remember this from the base. I remember putting this back in your bag.” 

You shake you head. “How?” 

“You had been under for probably a day or two when I found it on the floor.” He begins to explain. His eyes drop to the piece of broken jewelry. “I brought it to the higher ups and after a few hours, I was told to put it in with you.“

“This happened when you worked for Hydra? What did they do to it?” You can see that Tony is trying to work this all out but is really just as confused as you are. 

Bucky shakes his head. “Yeah, it was probably what, 1946? No one offered any other information and I didn’t ask. Back then I just did what I was told.” 

It feels like your head is underwater as you remember Steve cutting his finger on the locket days ago. Whatever Bucky had done had caused him to turn into this monster. The necklace must have been infected with something to make him so aggressive and violent. 

“So what does this have to do with Rogers?” Tony asks, confusion plain across his face. 

Bucky opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off. “Steve gave it to me the other day after we fought about me training.” You grab Tony’s arm, needing him to connect the dots as you have. “He cut his finger on it. He even made a comment about it needing to be fixed.” 

Tony rambles, looking between Bucky and you. “Do you think Hydra did something to it? And when Rogers cut his finger on it, it got into his bloodstream? Is that even possible? Doesn’t he have some super soldier, weird blood shit going on?” 

“If it was contaminated with the serum from the Winter Soldier program it could be possible.” Bucky rubs anxiously at the back of his neck. 

You cross your arms, eyeing him pointedly. “Why does it always come back to you?” 

“What she said.” Tony points to you in agreement. “Why are you always at the center of something catastrophic happening. If he had left the compound, people would have died, Barnes. He almost killed this one and he loves her, imagine what he would’ve done to people he didn’t care about.” 

“Wilson said he looked happy with her and Steve busted his lip, so no, I’d rather not think about the innocent lives he could’ve taken.” Bucky pauses, seeming appropriately ashamed. “But I think I know how to fix this.” 

  
  


***

The next morning, the three of you stand in Tony’s office, discussing the plan for getting the antidote.

“You’re insane! After what he just put you through?” Tony gestures to the fresh stitches on your cheek. “Ace, it’s out of the question.” He moves to cross his arms as he leans back against his office desk. 

You’re prepared for push back from the entire team but not from him, even if it is coming from a place of love. “Tony, you’re not leaving me behind. I’ve actually been there, haven’t I, Barnes?” 

Bucky furiously shakes his head as the two of you look to him. “I don’t want to be a part of this decision.” 

“Ooh, Barnes.” Tony shakes his head. “If we had our way, you wouldn’t be. But you’ve been there, you’re the only one who knows where the antidote could actually be.” 

“It doesn’t matter if he’s going or not, _I am._ ” You refuse to budge on this. Without the antidote, none of you know if Steve will survive what’s happening to him. Despite how uncomfortable being around Bucky is for you, you’ll put up with it if there’s a chance of getting the love of your life back.

“You’re not.” Tony pushes himself off the desk and paces back and forth. “I have a titanium alloy suit. He is an enhanced super soldier with a _metal arm._ And you?”

He stops pacing to throw both hands in your direction. The motion causes you to flinch slightly and his gaze softens almost immediately. “You, Ace, are an advanced research assistant.” 

“So what you’re actually saying is that you didn’t train me well enough to keep up with the team?” You cross your arms and lean against the window, eyeing Tony steadily.

He doesn't take your bait, instead he nonchalantly responds. “I trained you just fine, but you’re still not going.” 

“Do _not_ tell me what I can or cannot do.” You smile and roll your eyes, “I could’ve been your mother.”

Tony tries to unsuccessfully hide his smile, “Could’ve but you aren’t, so I get to tell you no.” 

Bucky seems suddenly very interested in the argument. “Wait…. When did you date Howard?” 

Both you and Tony turn to him and shout in unison, “Not now!” 

“Well obviously not now.” Bucky mutters, dropping down into one of the chairs as the two of you continue arguing. 

You sigh and uncross your arms. You’re acutely aware of the bruises on your wrists as you lean forward, placing your hands on the chair in front of you. “I still love him, Tony. You have to let me do this, I need to get him back.” 

Tony looks exasperated as he points to himself. “M _e,_ super suit.” He moves his finger to Bucky as he continues. “ _Him,_ super soldier. And _you,"_ He points in your direction. “Super small!”

The frustration you feel bleeds into your next words as you realize you’re running out of cards to play, “Excuse me, but have you taken down a God? Because I have.” 

Tony doesn’t miss a beat, “Not in a few years, but the answer’s still no.” 

“Can you fly a plane?” You’re sure that this will be your way in. Bucky may know how to fly, but he also knows better than to argue when you’ve made up your mind. Howard had taken great care in showing you the workings of military aircraft- both inside and out. Now it was just time to put that knowledge to use. 

“I can fly.” Arching your eyebrows at him, he huffs and continues his thought. “Well, I don't _enjoy_ it. I'm better in my suit. But I can still fly.” 

“Then it's settled, wheels up in sixty.” Knowing you’ve won the argument, you turn on your heels and march out of the office.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

With less than forty minutes before you take off for Yekaterinburg, you quickly change into traveling clothes suitable for the intense cold and head downstairs to the holding room. You know this is going to be a bad idea, but you need to see him. 

The control room is empty when you turn the corner into the small space. The TV monitors show you that Steve is awake in the glass cell just beyond the metal door. He looks furious, pacing in circles and yelling at the cameras.

You're momentarily grateful that the audio output isn't currently hooked up. The expression on his face terrifies you enough, you don’t need another reason to want to bolt from the room. 

_It’s now or never,_ you think and lift the switch, sliding open the door to the larger holding room. Tentatively, you step through and Steve stops his pacing, turning to glare in your direction.

“Back for more?” The calm in his voice is betrayed by the fury you see simmering in his eyes. “Clearly,” he gestures to your face. “I didn’t hit you hard enough if you’re feeling this brave to come down here. Or, maybe you just enjoyed it too much. I know I did.

“You’re lucky this glass is in my way," he continues. "I’d be happy to do it again. I could use a little release and I think knocking you around would do the trick.” As he speaks, he moves closer to the glass, and to you. ”Now I understand why your father enjoyed it so much.” 

No sound comes out when you open your mouth to speak. You can’t believe that he would comment so callously about something that he knows still haunts you. Eyes glued to his hostile gaze, you stand about a foot from the glass and fight back tears.

Steve carries on, smirking as his eyes travel over your shaking body. “You were such a good girl for me while you were unconscious. Maybe we should go back to that, huh? You really seemed to enjoy being my little rag doll. You took my cock so deep. I wonder… Did you show Stark _all_ the marks I left on you? I'm sure he's jealous.” 

You cross your arms defensively and shake your head, “Stop… I… I don’t want to hear this.” 

“Oh? You don’t want to hear how I used you over and over?” He is clearly enjoying the reaction he’s getting from you and you wish you could slap the smirk off his face. “See… _This_ is why I liked it better when you couldn’t breathe. You couldn't tell me no.” 

“Please, stop! This isn’t you.” You turn away as the tears fall.

He slams his fists against the glass, causing you to jump and turn back to him. “Not me? You don’t even know me! I could’ve killed you, I wanted to. God, you were just so tight for me when you couldn’t breathe. All I had to do was cut off your air a little longer.”

His smile is vicious as he takes in your horrified expression. “When I get out of here, and trust me I will, I think I’ll make your little boyfriend watch as I finally snuff you out. Then I’ll kill him.” 

You can’t help the sharp intake of breath, “You don’t mean any of that.” 

“Of course I do. You were the biggest mistake of my life, you held me back.” He sneers. “It’s no wonder I crashed that plane into the ice.” You cover your mouth with your hands, this is too much.

“And as much as I would enjoy taking your life, it would’ve been so much easier on me if Buck had just killed you.” 

You can’t take anymore. You know this isn’t really your Steve but hearing him say these vile things, hurts more than you can admit. “I’m going to fix this, fix you.” You vow as you begin to walk away.

“Don’t bother. I prefer this disease over having to pretend to be your perfect, Goddamn Boy Scout for another day. It’s exhausting.” 

You turn to look him in the eye and hate that when you do, your lip trembles from the contempt you see there. 

“I never loved you. I only wanted to beat Howard to that sweet cherry of yours. Hmm… I guess both Stark's have a thing for my sloppy seconds. It must run in the family.” 

Without a sound, you turn your back to him, refusing to let him see the tears streaming down your face any more than he already has. 

Pressing the button to unlock the holding room door, you wipe the tears from your cheeks and promise yourself that you are going to do whatever it takes to bring him back.

As you walk through the door, Sam and Natasha are standing by the control panel. Just by the looks on their faces, you can tell that they heard most of the conversation.

Sam’s expression is horrified as he walks to you and engulfs you in a silent bear hug. One of Natasha’s hands covers her mouth as she shakes her head in disbelief. 

“Tony told me it was bad, but I just couldn’t believe it.” She says softly. "From what Barnes has told me, it's not really him saying those things. You have to know that but you don’t deserve any of this."

You've hardly spoken two words to the woman since overhearing her argument with Tony months ago, but you appreciate the effort she's making now.

"I know it's not Steve, _my_ Steve." You try to say with resolve, but the last few days have shaken that confidence to the core and the words come out broken.

"But it's still his eyes I see glaring at me with disgust and it's still his voice I hear threatening me when I close my eyes. Even if we save him, I don't know how I'm ever going to trust him again." Your voice breaks on the last few words and you excuse yourself to get cleaned up before you're due in the hangar. The pair standing guard in the control room, stay silent as you walk away. 

  
  


***

Tony is already in the hangar when you arrive. He has his back to you and you can see that he is clearly talking to someone. Not wanting to interrupt him, you silently move across the hanger to assist him in loading the bags.

As you get closer, you realize that he isn’t talking to anyone. Instead, he is animatedly muttering to himself. 

“I can’t believe she did this. Really? You can’t believe it? How can you not? She could’ve been my damn mother, of course she’s like this. I’d be like this. She’s supposed to stay here and be safe. But why would she even want stay here when Rogers is full on Fight Club right now. I wouldn’t want to stay here if I were her… I’m not staying here. You sound insane, stop talking to yourself.” 

“No, please keep going.” You prop your fist under your chin. “I’ve needed a good laugh.” 

Tony whips around, eyes wide as they meet yours. “H-hi… How long have you been there?” 

“Oh, somewhere around ‘could’ve been my mother’. You’re real stuck on that, aren’t you? It was only three dates.” 

“We’re ready to go, ya know, if you have everything. Just waiting on Barnes.” He says quickly, obviously trying to change the subject.

You start up the ramp into the quin-jet. “Tony?” 

“Hmm?” He turns in response.

“What’s fight club?” 

“Oh.” He looks visibly uncomfortable by the question. You watch as the man shifts his weight from one foot to the other, eyes now avoiding yours. “We can talk about that later.” 

As he finishes, Bucky steps through the open doors to the hangar. “Why are we talking about Fight Club?” He tosses his bag into the cargo hold. “That narrator guy was a psycho.” 

“Goddamnit Barnes!” Tony throws his arms up. “Now you show up?!” 

“What did I do?” Bucky responds softly, looking back over his shoulder to the other man. 

Tony follows you up the ramp as he mutters, “Fucking exist.” 

“Language!” You turn, slapping his arm lightly. 

“That’s it! I’m not going.” Tony gives you a slight smile, as if telling you he was joking. “Mother or not, you’re on your own!” 

You move into the cockpit as the other two strap in. As the hangar doors open, you turn your attention to the instrument panel and hear Bucky ask from behind you, “So…. Howard?” 

Tony turns in his seat, glaring at the man. “You’ve talked enough.” 

  
  


***

  
  


About an hour into the flight, you hear the click of Bucky’s safety harness and then immediate shuffling. You glance at Tony, who shrugs, and you turn your attention back to the open sky.

Feeling a sudden thump on the back of your chair, you jump and turn quickly to see Bucky standing there. 

“Could you not?!” Tony jumps. “I’m gonna put a damn bell on you.” 

Bucky eagerly stares at you. “I just… I need to know.” 

“What, Barnes?” Tony swivels his chair and pinches the bridge of his nose. “What do you _need_ to know? 

“Did you really date Howard?” 

You sigh heavily, not turning around. “Yes, James. I did.” 

“James?” Tony tries to stifle a laugh as he watches the other man. “Where has that name been hiding?” 

“No one calls me that anymore,” Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Well, she just did.” 

“That’s different.” Bucky mutters. “Anyways! Did you date him or like _date_ him?” As he asks the question, you turn on the autopilot and swivel your chair around to face him. He takes a step back as he looks between the two of you. 

With slight panic in his eyes, Tony stares at you. “This plane is not big enough for me to hide if you’re about to get into details.” 

“Why does everyone think that I slept with him? It was three dates, that’s all.” 

“But…. I…. What did you two do?” Bucky raises an eyebrow and smiles at you, hoping you’ll elaborate. 

Before you can answer, Tony cuts you off, “What do you mean what did they do? Probably dinner, dancing, drinks. Normal date stuff.” He quickly turns to you, hand moving to your arm. “It… It was normal date stuff, right? He didn’t buy you the Russian Ballet or maybe a plane?”

“Oh, he tried to give me a plane. I refused and instead, he taught me how to fly them.” 

Bucky lets out a low whistle. “Ooh Harvard, does Brooklyn know? He had a hard enough time when that reporter wanted you to ride his motorcycle.” 

You bristle at both the memory and his old nicknames for you and Steve. You liked them back in 1944 but now you can’t stand either of them. He has no right to act this familiar with you. Not after all the pain and suffering he’s caused.

“Yes, _Steve_ does.” Turning back around, you take control of the aircraft once more. 

Sensing your discomfort, Tony glares at him. “Way to go, idiot.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky takes another step back from you as he speaks. “I wasn’t thinking.” 

“Mhmm.” You try to keep your focus on the instruments, not wanting either man to see the tears welling up in your eyes. 

You can feel Bucky’s eyes on you for a moment before you hear his footsteps retreating. “I’m just gonna go sit down....” 

Tony turns his chair back around, shaking his head. “Smartest idea you’ve had all day.”


	17. Chapter Seventeen

“What were you even doing out here?” Your question echoes in the cavernous halls in the abandoned facility.

“We were trying to ensure that the Winter Soldier program was completely shut down.” Tony replies, his voice is crisp in your ear as you adjust the earpiece he’d given you before you stepped off the quinjet. “Barnes had given us the coordinates to all the facilities that he could remember.” 

The three of you split up once you reach the lower level. Tony heads into the office where you had found the documents years before, while Bucky starts exploring some of the other rooms. Since you’d last been here, most of the doors had been either ripped or blown off their hinges. 

You take a deep breath and step into the room containing the cryopods. A shiver runs down your spine as you take in the despair and decay you feel inside the space. Aside from a thick layer of dust, the room looks as abandoned as it did years ago.

As you wander around the small room, you can’t help but feel a little nervous. It may have been seventy years since you had truly last been here but it feels like months. With Bucky being just down the hall, the similarities of your situation are too eerie.

Within seconds, you find yourself in front of the chambers. Your fingers gingerly touch a closed door. You wonder what medical advances could have been made if this technology had fallen into the right hands.

You’re soon pulled from your thoughts at the sound of something cracking and the feeling of hands aggressively pulling you backward. Trying to fight against whoever grabbed you, you let out a scream in hopes that Tony or, even, Bucky will hear you. 

“What’s happening Barnes?” Tony’s voice booms from in your ear and behind you at the same time. 

You pull away from the hand and turn, bewildered eyes landing on Bucky. The man nervously throws his hands up, eyes moving between you and Tony’s suit. “Well, she was standing where the ceiling is now.” He mutters, nodding to the rubble that lay where you just were. 

Tony looks to you, the palm repulsor in his suit still pointed at Bucky’s head. Despite Tony’s ability to act like this comradery wasn’t forced on him, it’s obvious that he doesn’t trust the man as far as he could throw him. “You okay?” 

“Yes.” You take in a shaky breath, trying to steady your nerves. “I’m fine. Just not a fan of being grabbed.” You pause, eyes shifting to your one time friend. “Especially in here.” 

Bucky drops his eyes, hands falling back to his sides. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” Him grabbing you hadn’t been what you were expecting. But, you are still grateful that someone had been there to pull you out of harm's way. “I appreciate you not letting me die.” It was the closest he’d get to a thank you from you.

“So,” Tony interjects lifting his face plate to look Bucky in the eye. “What _were_ you doing in here?” It was a fair question. You unanimously decided that splitting up would be for the best. It covered more ground and the less time you had to be here, the better. 

“I found some stairs,” he explains, gesturing to the doorway. “I was coming to get both of you. I passed this room and I saw the ceiling start to give.” 

Tony nods slowly, eyes moving around the room for a moment before settling on you. “You sure you’re good, Ace?” 

“Yes, I’m fine.” You turn your attention to Bucky. His information was more important at the moment. “Where are these stairs?” 

The two of you follow Bucky from the room and into the one just a door down. At the far end, there's a bookcase that had been pushed aside to reveal a small spiral staircase. 

“How did you even find this?” Tony asks, fascination coloring his tone as he moves closer to the darkness. 

Bucky shrugs as he stares over your shoulder into the room. “This room felt familiar when I walked in. I remembered that they used to come and go from here. So I just started moving things.”

You take a few steps, feeling the nervousness start to rise again as Bucky continues. “I was never allowed down there though so all of this is uncharted territory.” 

“If you weren’t allowed then that’s where it must be.” You move to start down the stairs but feel someone tug you back by the strap of your satchel. 

You turn and see Tony staring at you. “Slow down, Speed Racer.” His eyes flicker to Bucky as he releases you. “You aren’t going down first. Barnes is.” 

Bucky raises an eyebrow Tony, disbelief evident on his face. “What? Why me?” 

“Because, I said so.” Tony rebuts, turning to face the man now. While the two men are focused on each other, you silently slip down the stairs as the argument continues. _Boys._

“You’re the one with the super suit, you take the lead.” 

“And you have a super arm, super solider. So stop acting like a child, you know she - “ Tony stops and you can only imagine the confused look on his face. “Where the hell did she go?!” 

You smirk and call back to him, feeling along the wall as you move down another few steps. “Wasn’t waiting for you to finish your argument.” As far down as you are, it’s almost pitch black but you keep going. 

“Goddamn it!” Tony sighs and within seconds you see the faint blue light of his arc reactor just behind you. “Ace!” He calls out and once he fully sees you, the stairwell is flooded with light. “You couldn’t wait, just a second?”

“No. I was tired of you two fighting about who was going to be the man and just went ahead myself.” 

Bucky follows down the stairs and chuckles softly, “Ooo she came from your manhood.” 

“Yeah well, she came for yours too!” Tony whines petulantly.

“ _Children_.” You roll your eyes at the pair. “Can we move please? You can fight all you want once we’re out of here.” 

Tony throws up his arms, staring wide eyed at you. “Children?” He takes a moment then clears his throat. “Uh, I’m older than you.” 

“Are we really going to do this, Anthony?” You ask, shaking your head at him. “I was born in 1920.” 

“Technically,” Bucky pipes up as he slips by. “I got you both beat. 1917.” 

“No one asked you!” Tony pouts as he follows the other man down the stairs. You shake your head and carefully make your way down after them. 

At the base of the stairs, the three of you stop and stare at the small chamber in front of you. Tony illuminates the room and you can see a glass door to your immediate right. To the left and directly in front of you appear to be large, heavy wooden doors. 

“So,” Tony suggests, leading the way through the glass door. “I vote for not pulling a Scooby Doo gang thing down here.” 

“I have no idea what that means.” You say as you take a few tentative steps forward.

Bucky grins as he follows suit. “I do! I get that reference! We’re going to stick together.” 

Shaking your head, you move around Tony to inspect some medical equipment laying on a nearby lab bench. _This must be where they made the serum._ Immediately you begin moving beakers and tubes around, hoping to find anything promising. 

After a few minutes, Tony looks over at you, shutting one of the filing cabinets. “There’s nothing here.” You sigh, knowing he’s right. “There’s still two more rooms, Ace, don’t worry.” 

The two of you make your way out and hear Bucky call behind you, “I’m just double checking, I’ll be right there.” 

You lead Tony to the door directly in front of the stairs and stare at the name written on it. _Arnim Zola._ Without waiting for him to speak, you push open the door. The office is small and cluttered but seems like a more promising avenue than the lab you just left.

“Take one end and I’ll take the other?” Tony suggests as you pick up an old flashlight. You nod and move to the bookcases that line one wall while he starts at the desk. 

Glancing at the various titles in Russian, German, and English, you pull a large book from the shelf and notice markings against the wall. As you move closer, you can make out the hydra symbol with ‘if a head is cut off, two more shall take its place’ inscribed above it.

“Tony!” You call but don’t wait for him. You press your fingers against symbol but nothing happens. 

“Oh! It’s like Raiders!” He exclaims with excitement once he realizes what you've found.

You turn and stare at him for a moment. “I don’t know what that means.” 

“Press the eyes, it's always the eyes.” He explains and points to the symbol. You roll your own eyes as you turn back. Pressing where he suggested, you can feel the stone depress. You look to Tony, heart racing. “Turn it!” He tells you. 

You turn the stone and hear a clicking mechanism from inside the wall. Tony puts a hand out to shield you as a soft hiss comes from inside. Slowly, the entire shelf slides down revealing a vial of amber colored liquid. You stare for a moment before reaching for the serum.

“That’s it.” Bucky’s voice makes you jump and pull your hand back. “I remember it being that color.” 

“Jesus Barnes! Really?” Tony turns, glaring at the man. “You _and_ this place both can’t be creepy!” 

“James, are you certain?” You ask ignoring Tony, fingers already closing around the vial.

Bucky nods resolutely, “Absolutely.”

“Great.” Tony reaching for the storage unit in your satchel. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Thunder rumbles in the sky around you about ninety minutes before you’re set to land. You lean forward to look up at the darkening sky. “It wasn’t supposed to storm.” You glance at Tony who is already unbuckling his harness.

“You’re right, it’s not supposed to.” He moves to stand as you hear Bucky’s harness unbuckle. “Could be Thor, don’t know what he’s doing here though.” 

Something heavy lands on the roof on the plane and you quickly turn back to the instruments to keep the aircraft steady. “Barnes, open the damn door before I have to replace it.” Tony orders. “Asgardians have no manners.” 

From behind you, you hear the mechanical whirring of the door opening. Almost immediately after, you feel the plane shake and hear Bucky let out a yelp. 

“Uh… Hey, Point Break, whatcha doing?” Tony asks as he steps out of your view. 

“Stark.” Thor’s voice. “How dare you betray one of your own?”

Hearing the scuffle behind your seat, you set it on autopilot, turning just as Thor grabs Tony by the collar of his shirt and lifts him off the ground. 

You stare at Thor as he holds Tony up. “Could you put him down?” As hard as you try, you can’t keep the shake from your voice. 

Thor turns his attention to you, still holding the smaller man a foot or so off the ground. “Did this man take you?” The Asgardian shakes Tony for emphasis and you hear him grunt as he connects with the wall of the jet. 

“Take me where?” You ask, stepping closer to the giant in front of you. 

“I do not know where, but The Captain informed me that Stark had taken you against your will.” Thor lowers Tony to the ground but keeps him flush against the wall.

“Well he didn-” You pause as his words sink in. “The Captain? As in Captain Rogers? You spoke with him?” 

“It was hard to hear him through the glass but once I let him out, he explained everything.” 

“You let him out?!” Tony snaps, his voice low and angry as he tries to tug out of Thor’s grip. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

You can’t stop yourself from shaking as Bucky rises and crosses the small space to you. “That wasn’t a good idea.” He says, pressing the switch to close the cargo door before glancing at the other two men.

“Why not?” The god demands as his eyes dart quickly between you and Bucky.

Nothing comes out as you open your mouth to speak. All you can do is stand there, wide eyed and shaking. _This can’t be happening, I was going to fix him. We found the antidote. My God, what if he’s hurt someone?_

“Are you alright?” Thor asks.

Before you can answer, Tony cuts in angrily. “Look at her Thor! She’s not alright at all. You have no idea what you’ve done.” He smacks the taller man’s shoulder. “And for Christ's sake! Let go of me.” 

Thor releases the man and crosses his arms. “Explain.” 

Tony shakes himself off as he steps over to you. “Barnes, deal with this,” he instructs as he gently leads you back to the cockpit. As he helps you into the passenger seat, you can hear Bucky telling your uninvited guest, the events of the past week. 

You notice Tony sit and he glances at the control wheel before his concerned eyes settle on your face. “What do you need from me?” He asks in a soft and even voice. 

“You said I was going to be safe with him in there.” Your voice is just above a whisper as you search his eyes. “What are we going to do? What if he’s hurt someone? We can’t not go back but...” 

Tony takes a deep breath before he speaks. “You _are_ safe, Ace. I’m not going to let anything else happen to you. I promise.”

He gestures past you to the shorter of the two men talking. “And let’s be honest, Barnes won’t let anything happen to you either. There’s also a whole team of people at the compound that know what Rogers’ did to you.” 

The words aren’t as comforting as you’d like, but you nod anyway. Only you had felt firsthand how strong Steve was and you’re sure that he wouldn’t break a sweat when it came to eliminating anyone in his way. 

“Everyone there can handle themselves and they know to be on the alert.” Tony continues softly, seeming not to notice how panicked you are. “And as for what we’re going to do, first I’m going to land this plane. Then we’ll assess the situation on the ground and if need be, take him down.” 

You’re not sure which unsettles you more - Tony thinking he could land the plane or how casually he mentions ‘taking Steve down’, and you tell him as much. 

“Well,” Tony chuckles. “You think you can land it right now?” 

“Probably better than you can.” You reply cracking a small smile. 

“There she is.” He smiles and moves out of the pilot’s chair. He gestures to the vacated seat and you nod, moving into it. “Take us home, Ace.” You can still hear the muffled voices of Thor and Bucky behind you but you don’t focus on it. 

You turn your seat back to the control panel as Tony speaks again, “I don’t want to hurt the captain but if he comes at you or me, I’m going to stop him.” His tone brokers no argument so you choose instead to focus on preparing to see Steve again. 

***

Stepping through the sliding door that connects the hanger to the main part of the house, you don’t see anyone. Your eyes move to Tony, who is a foot away from you and in the Ironman suit.

Thor, mjolnir at his side, disappears down one of the long hallways in search of Steve. Bucky nods to you as your eyes fall on him and he heads down a set of stairs towards the training rooms.

A few steps into the large common room, you freeze. You feel the color drain from your face as you look and see that Steve is sitting on one of the couches, eyes trained on you. His expression is calm and reserved. For a second, he looks like your Steve and you feel your stomach do a nervous flip. 

“Sweetheart!” He quickly stands, concern etched on his features. “I was so worried, I thought I had lost you again.” 

“Uh, Ace…” Tony flips up his faceplate, hand moving to your arm as you take a step forward. “This doesn’t feel right.” You can see him gesture to something out of the corner of your eye but you don’t care. The old Steve is right in front of you again. 

“I’m alright Tony, I swear. Whatever was in me, I think it wore off.” Steve moves a couple steps closer to you. “I’m so sorry for everything.” 

You want to believe him but there’s a small part of you that is still unsure. How can someone go from doing such awful things to being okay so fast. “This isn’t a good idea.” Tony says softly as you pull away from him. “I don’t trust him.” 

“Please, doll, you gotta believe me. I never wanted to hurt you. We can get through this together.” Steve holds a hand out to you and smiles. “I love you more than anything.” 

Without thinking, you cross the short distance to him and he reaches for you. Your expression turns to one of confusion as he turns you in his arms and rather than embracing you, he pins the arm he was holding behind you and holds your back to his chest.

“How stupid can you be to keep trusting me?” He asks, dropping the pretense as his hand snakes around your neck. “Oh doll, its going to be the death of you."

Your heart is hammering in your chest as the panic sets in. 

Tony raises his hand, pointing it directly at Steve and you can hear the repulsors start to fire up. “You need to let her go.” 

“Nuh uh uh.” You feel Steve’s grip tighten around your neck as he lifts you off the ground, cutting off your air. Your free hand clutches his arm as your feet suddenly have nothing beneath them. “You’ll have to go through her. And we both know you won't do that.” 

When Tony doesn’t immediately lower his hand, Steve speaks again. “I’d make a decision quick. I don't think she can breathe.” You can hear the smirk in his tone. “What’s it gonna be, Stark?” 

You try to tell Tony no, to just shoot. End this. But all that comes out of you is a strangled rattle. 

When Tony’s eyes flicker to meet yours, you can see his fear for you reflected in them. You’re sure that he can see just how terrified you are. Slowly, he drops his hand to his side. 

“ _Good boy_.” Steve mocks as he lowers you back to the floor, barely loosening the grip around your throat. "I'd breathe while you can, doll." He taunts in your ear. "You know he doesn't listen well."

“This doesn’t have to go down like this.” Tony reasons calmly, making direct eye contact with the man holding you. “Your issue is clearly with me, so how about you let her go and we can work this out.” 

“My issue isn’t with _you,_ Stark. It’s with the fact that you’re too hard headed to understand that she is _mine._ ” Steve presses his lips to your temple and you can feel your skin crawl. “She will never be yours, no matter what you promise her.” 

Tony takes a step towards you. “I think you have the wrong Stark.” 

“Maybe this time.” Steve immediately steps back, forcing you to stumble back with him. “Too bad Buck isn’t around. He’s always been so loyal… Wouldn’t be the first time he’s eliminated a Stark for me to keep what's mine, mine.” 

Disbelief and anguish flashes across Tony’s face as you watch him absorb the taunting words. "Bullshit Rogers. That's not what happened and you know it." His voice is soft but you can hear the fury underneath it.

Even though you know it’s not exactly true, you still feel for him. He doesn’t deserve to hear the circumstances surrounding his father’s death twisted like this. “Tony…” You manage to get out, desperate to try and comfort him. 

Steve jerks you up, causing you to stand on your tiptoes. When he speaks, it’s almost like your father is there instead, “Women are meant to be seen, not heard.” 

“Please….” You choke out, struggling to get air into your lungs without making him angrier.

“What did I just say?” He hisses into your ear. “I did not give you permission to speak.” His grip tightens around your throat once, more completely cutting off your airway. 

Hearing you gasping for air, Tony puts his hands up in defeat. “Alright, alright. Christ Rogers, s _top_.” His voice is shaky but you see fury etched across his face. “What do I need to do for you to let her go? For you to walk away and end this?” 

“Give me the antidote.” Steve demands, loosening his grip just enough for you to draw in quick, ragged breaths.

Tony can’t hide the surprise on his face. “That was the plan.” He gestures to the satchel draped across your chest. “She has it, in her bag. So let her go and we can get to Banner, he’ll administer it.” 

“No, I don’t want to _take_ it. I want to _destroy_ it.” Steve says with absolute certainty. “Take it out of your bag.” You don’t move, unsure if he’s really talking to you. “Now.” He growls.

“Just do it, Ace.” 

You let go of Steve’s arm and reach into the satchel with a shaking hand. It takes you a moment to locate the vial. Finally your fingers wrap around it and pull it out. “Drop it on the floor.” Steve commands. 

Eyes fixed on Tony, you drop the antidote and Steve crushes it beneath his boot. As you hear the glass shatter, you let out a soft whimper and close your eyes tightly. Any hope of fixing this, fixing him, was destroyed along with that vial. 

“You and I, we’re gonna disappear for a while.” Steve sneers and takes another step back, turning both of you slightly as if to walk away “We have some things to discuss.” 

“Uh… You really don’t want to do that.” You open your eyes and see Tony’s flicker away as he moves closer to you. “How about you stay and talk this out with me? Think about it Rogers, she’s done all she can for you now that the antidote is destroyed.”

_He’s stalling… But why?_

Before Steve can say anything, Tony rushes towards you and pulls you away. A loud thud behind you makes you turn. Steve is laying on the ground, vial sticking out of the side of his neck, and Bucky is standing above him. 

His chest is heaving as he looks over the two of you. “I was trying to wait for him to give me an opening that wouldn’t hurt either of you. Get her out of here, I got this.” He steps out of the way to allow you and Tony to pass him.

As you do, Tony claps his shoulder and pauses to thank the other man. “Sorry I took so long,” Bucky remarks. “God, he was monologuing worse than a Bond villain.”

In the wake of the tense situation, the statement earns a small laugh from Tony as he leads you away.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere in this chapter is a serial killer quote... If you find it, all the points to you! It's verbatim except for one word. Good luck!

Four hours after the confrontation in the common room, Steve is still unconscious in the medical bay. Once you have gotten yourself cleaned up and calm, you meet Tony outside Steve’s room.

Tony’s still wearing the gauntlet from his suit, at your request, and you see that he’s had two chairs brought in so you both can wait this out from a safe distance. 

“How are you doing?” He asks softly. “I know it’s a stupid question, but this is a hell of lot to process.” 

You take a deep shaky breath and use your arms to hug your chest. “Not great, if I’m being honest. I had a moment where I thought everything was fine and Steve was Steve again. That mistake almost got me killed, _again_. And the awful things he was saying to both of us." You shake your head sadly. 

"If you hadn’t been there..." you trail off for a moment before glancing up at the man. “You know that he had nothing to do with -”

“Yeah Ace, I know.” Tony sighs, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Still made me want to knock his perfect teeth out for trying to use that against me. That mixed with what he was doing to you, just not my idea of a good time.” 

You open your mouth to comment but see Bucky turn the corner and head in your direction. He makes eye contact with you, holding out a small cup and saucer.

“I made you some tea, chamomile right?” He shrugs as you accept it. “I remembered when you’d get really upset that you always liked tea.”

“What’d you put in it?” Tony eyes him suspiciously before you can say thank you.

Bucky raises an eyebrow at the older looking man, giving another small shrug. “Just some milk and a little sugar?” 

Tony shakes his head as you take a sip from the cup. It hurts your throat to swallow but the warmth is comforting. “You know what? I’m gonna let this one go Barnes, I don’t have the energy for you right now.” 

“Thank you, James.” You reach out, gently touching the man’s hand. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Tony stand and take a few steps away. You hear him knocking on the glass but you don’t turn. 

Looking down at your hand on his, Bucky seems confused. “It was just some tea.” 

“No.” With a soft smile, you shake your head. “For saving my life.” Without him stopping Steve, you’re sure that the man would’ve killed you. 

“We used to be friends.” Bucky says, affection warming his tone. “I never wanted to see you hurt…. By anyone.” 

“I really do appreciate it. You showed up just in time.” 

“Yeah, how did that happen by the way?” Tony’s voice asks. You turn to see the man staring at Bucky. You _had_ been wondering the same thing. “I watched Rogers smash the only vial we brought back with us.” 

“When you both went into Zola’s study, I found a section of wall in the lab that wasn’t constructed from the same material as the rest. I ripped it open and found a few vials packed into a cold storage unit. I grabbed them and headed in your direction.”

Bucky looks anxiously from Tony to you. “You found the one in the wall so I was going to hang on to the others, just in case.”

You want to ask him what exactly ‘just in case’ means but Tony beats you to it. “Others?” He asks, folding his arms across his chest. “How many others?" 

Bucky mumbles what sounds like a number but you can’t say for sure. Setting down the tea cup, you lean closer, waiting for him to speak again. 

“How many, Barnes?” Tony lets his arms fall to his sides as he moves closer to the both of you.

You watch Bucky shift his weight from one foot to the other. “Twelve.” The man says finally, barely moving his jaw.

It’s Tony who asks what you’re both thinking as your eyebrows fly up in shock. “Come again?”

“Well, now it’s eleven….” 

“ _James Buchanan Barnes_.” You stand and look him directly in the eyes. Tony smirks and turns his head briefly, hiding a small chuckle. “You found twelve others and you deliberately kept that from us?”

Nervously meeting your gaze, Bucky shrinks back. “You two don’t trust me as it is. I lag behind and show up minutes later with a dozen of the exact thing we came looking for? _I_ wouldn’t believe me. I didn’t want you thinking I dragged you there with some ulterior motive. You and I already have bad history there.” He responds, his voice soft.

“And besides, if I had given them all to you, Steve would have destroyed them.”

You know he’s right but it doesn’t make the anger you feel less palpable. “Do you think that one is going to be enough?” 

“Enough?” Both men ask, clearly confused by the question. 

“To fix him.” Your voice shakes slightly as you glance over to the hospital bed. If this doesn’t work, you’re not sure what you’re going to do.

Bucky seems to consider his words carefully before he speaks. “This doesn’t seem to be the same serum I was injected with. My aggression was controlled and my violence was targeted. I wasn’t aware of what I was doing in the moment, they wiped my mind after. This… This is blind rage, there’s no reigning it in.”

He turns to look through the glass, eyes focused on Steve. “We won’t know for sure until he wakes up.”

“Oh, he’s definitely aware of what he’s doing.” Tony suppresses a shudder. “You didn't see this from the beginning- it was like watching a predator stalking his prey; he pretended to be fine to lure her in.” 

“I know. If he isn’t okay, we’ll deal with it. We have more than enough and Banner can work on the formula.” Bucky sounds more confident than you feel but his optimism is well appreciated. 

The three of you fall into silence as you watch Steve. He looks almost peaceful and it makes your heart hurt. All of this is your fault. If you hadn’t gone on that mission back in ‘46, none of this would’ve happened. 

Tony clearing his throat brings you back to the moment. You look over as he pulls the glove from his hand. “I don’t think he’s going anywhere tonight.” He gives you a smile. “I need some food and you need some sleep.” 

“I’ll stay and keep an eye on him for a while.” Bucky promises before you can protest. He settles himself into one of the chairs as Tony gently leads you out of the medical bay. 

“So Buchanan is really his middle name?” Tony asks, loud enough for Bucky to hear him, as you walk. You nod, not thinking much of it. “And you guys really went with Bucky? Not Jim or Jimmy? Like honestly, even Jimbo.” 

“Anthony,” You sigh heavily. It’s been too long of a day for this. “Are you really going to tell me that you had no idea what his middle name was? Don’t you have files on everyone?” 

Tony turns to you. “First of all, no to Anthony. Second, of course I know what it is. Giving him shit is just too much fun. And third, I know, _‘language’_.” 

***

Your eyes fly open when you feel gentle fingers brushing your neck. It’s still full dark outside but you don't need the moonlight cascading through the shutters to tell you who is in the room with you. _Steve._

Terrified to move or make a sound, you lay completely still, head turned away from him. “I know you’re awake.” The hand touching you stills but doesn’t move from its place on your neck. “I can feel your pulse, it's racing.” His finger lightly caresses the artery under your skin. 

“St-Steve, what are you doing in here?” Your voice is barely a whisper as you turn to look at him. With him sitting beside you, you're at a complete disadvantage.

If his hand wasn’t keeping you from sitting up, you’d stand a better chance if you needed to fight. Your brain scrambles to think of some kind of escape. 

“There’s no need to panic. If I wanted you dead, you would be already.” His words cause you to swallow hard and weight of his hand on your throat reminds you of the danger you’re in.

“If you move your hand,” you try to reason, “I promise not to panic.” 

Steve shakes his head. “I could but you haven’t earned that trust yet. Especially after whatever stunt you pulled earlier, I don’t know how you managed to get the drop on me but I can promise you, it’ll never happen again.” 

_Haven’t earned that trust?_ The words make you angry but you refuse to let it show. By showing it, you give him all the power and your life could very well depend on how well you hide your emotions.

“I understand.” You whisper softly, looking up into his eyes. “But I’m scared you’re going to hurt me.” 

“You should be.” He replies, flexing his fingers against your skin. “Part of me wants nothing more than to wrap my hands around this pretty little neck and choke the life out of you. God, all I’ve thought of for days is what it would feel like to watch the light leave your eyes as you take your last breath.”

You can feel your eyes prick with tears as his horrifying words sink in. There is no escaping this time and you know if you scream for help, Steve would crush your windpipe before anyone could get to you.

“But the other part of me,” he goes on, “knows you are the love of my life. And if I kill you, I’d have to end my own life.” 

“Sw-sweetheart,” You hope by using the term, you might be able to control the situation but he doesn’t seem to notice. “You shouldn’t want to be violent towards the person you love.” 

“It’s not about love or violence. It’s about possession.” He twirls a couple strands of your hair between the fingers of his free hand. The unwanted action causes you to tense slightly and all you want is to sit, to be on somewhat even ground with him.

As you try to scoot yourself up, Steve’s hand presses down hard, keeping you from gaining any leverage. “No, no. You’re not going anywhere.”

You swallow against his grip as he continues. “I don’t know what else I can do to make you understand, doll. You were meant to be mine and mine alone. I’m all that you’ll ever need.” 

“You’re right, my love,” The endearment makes your stomach twist into a knot. It feels wrong given the situation. “I _am_ yours, just yours.” 

“Don’t lie to me.” He growls, his face inches from yours now. "You're breathing right now because _I_ allow it. Don't forget that."

“I won't. I’m sorry.” You whisper. “What do you need me to do to prove it to you? I’ll do whatever you want.” 

"Such a good girl for me." Steve murmurs, climbing all the way into your bed. He pulls you flush against him, your back to his chest. You feel your heart skip a beat when instead of releasing his grip on your throat, he positions his entire arm tightly around your neck. 

"You’re going to let me stay here all night, just like this. And in the morning, when I’m back in my bed like nothing happened, you’re going to eliminate the man standing between us. Then you and I will be happy, like this, forever.” 

You attempt to protest but you feel him shake his head as he presses on. “If you don’t, I’ll destroy Stark myself and then I’ll come for you. And I promise you, when I kill you sweetheart, it will be slow and it will be painful.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

The next few hours are torturous. You're too terrified to relax or even attempt to close your eyes and try to sleep. You stare into the darkness, thoughts racing as you feel his body painfully close to yours.

Every time you swallow, you can feel the muscles of his forearm pressing against your neck. The antidote didn’t take, it couldn’t have, at least not all the way. He was less violent with his actions but what he had asked of you was too awful to imagine.

Steve wants you to murder Tony. You could never, but you’re scared of what he might do to you both if you don’t.

 _Maybe I could talk to James and -_ Movement beside you causes your thoughts to scatter and your body to stiffen in fear.

_What is he doing?_

“It wouldn’t be smart of you to involve anyone else in this. Unless you want more blood on your hands.” Steve leans down, kissing you hair lightly. “Now be a good girl and do as you’re told.” He moves from the bed and you watch as he leaves. 

Without waiting for the door to fully close, you push back the blankets. Even though you’re exhausted and scared, you’re quick to put yourself together. If you leave the room looking a mess, there would be too many questions asked. Until you have a plan, you need to appear as if everything is normal.

It’s only half past five but you’re sure that someone has to be up. You silently exit your room and make your way to the kitchen. 

“Hey, Ace.” You mentally curse yourself as you come face to face with Tony as you enter the room. “You’re up early. Sleep okay?” 

“I slept fine, just have a lot on my mind.” Needing something else to focus on, you slip by him and pour yourself a cup of coffee. You have to keep your mouth shut. If you tell him, you’re scared that he’ll run off and do something rash. Tony wouldn’t stand a chance against Steve like this. 

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Tony places his own coffee cup on the counter and turns to fully face you. His eyes are warm and full of concern. That just makes this harder. “You’ve been through a lot so -” 

You put your hand up to make him stop. “Maybe I don’t want to talk about this.” The words could out harsher than you meant but it doesn’t stop you. “Did you ever think that I just want to be left alone?” 

He opens his mouth to speak but you continue with a shake of your head. “The love of my life almost killed me, almost hurt you, and no one’s sure that we can fix him… And it’s all _my_ fault.” Despite the sadness you see forming in the man’s eyes, you continue. “So please, just leave me the hell alone.” 

He stands there for just a moment, seeming to absorb the words. “Oookay… Just wanted to make sure that you were alright. I’ll give you some space.” Shaking his head, he leaves you standing there. 

You let out a shaky breath and lean against the counter. As awful as you feel for snapping at Tony like that, at least you know that know he’ll stay away for a bit. It’ll give you time to think through your next steps. It was safer for the both of you if you push him away. 

By the time you’ve somewhat relaxed yourself, your coffee has gone cold and sunlight streams through the windows. You push yourself away from the counter at the sound of footsteps. Whoever was coming, you wanted to be prepared. 

“You seen Brooklyn this morning?” Bucky’s grinning face meets yours as he reaches above you for a coffee cup. From his expression, you can tell he’s hoping that the two of you are on the way to mending what was broken between you. “Looks like he’s up and about.” 

“No…” You pause, remembering Steve’s threat from this morning and bite on the edge of your lip. You know you can’t do this alone and right now, Bucky is the only one you can trust with this. “Yes, unfortunately I’ve seen him.” 

He looks to you, confusion clear on his face. “What do you mean ‘unfortunately’?” 

“Oh, I woke up to him sitting on my bed.” The words feel almost too casual at this point. “The antidote didn’t fully take.”

“Why didn’t you call for help?” Bucky asks, eyes searching yours for some kind of understanding. 

You turn away from him, dumping your cold coffee down the drain. “That wasn’t an option, not if I didn’t want him to hurt me.” You shudder. “Not if I wanted to keep breathing.” 

“How long was he there?” Bucky reaches his hand out then seems to think better of it. You watch as he awkwardly lets it fall to the counter.

“Hours, James.” You glance over at the man and watch his jaw drop open. Clearly he hadn’t thought that Steve had been awake that long. “He was there for hours.” 

“Jesus.” He mutters, shaking his head. “What was he doing?” 

There was honestly too much to go over with him. From the way he touched your neck, to him climbing in bed, it felt overwhelming to discuss. “I don’t know what he was doing before I woke up. But when I did, his hand was on my neck and he was saying some pretty uncomfortable things.” 

“Like what?” 

You sigh heavily, looking up at the man in front of you. “That if he wanted me dead, I would be already. Steve _wants_ to kill me, James. He wants me afraid. He made that painfully clear. He also felt the need to remind me that he owns me.” 

“What?” Bucky raises an eyebrow as he watches you. “ _Owns you_?” 

“You don’t know?” You raise your own eyebrow as you cross your arms. “Who owns me has been a consistent debate during this whole mess.”

He shakes his head. “What do you mean?” 

“Steve’s convinced that Tony and I have a thing going behind his back.” 

“But you don’t.” 

“I know that.” You can’t help but glance around. It feels weird to have this conversation out in the open like this but it’s too late. “He wants me to kill Tony to prove it.” 

“What?!” He takes a step back and furrows his brow.

“After he threatened my life again, he told me that I had to prove my love to him by killing Tony, because he thinks that’s who’s standing in the way of our happiness. If I don’t, he will and then he’ll come for me.” 

Bucky stares at you, slack jawed and clearly confused. “I.. Jesus.”

"Yeah.” The word comes out sounding as exhausted as you feel. “So we give him all eleven this time, okay?” 

It takes a second but soon he nods to you. “I’ll get the antidote and you get to Tony. He should be in his workshop. Tell him everything you told me…. Just be careful, I have no idea where Steve could be. We should alert F.R.I.D.A.Y.” 

“No.” You cut him off, “the less people involved, the less chance for an accidental casualty. Meet me down there when you have them.” Bucky nods in silent agreement.

As he turns to walk away, you call out to him. “James?” He glances back over his shoulder. “Don’t go after Steve alone. Let me help you.” 

With one last nod, Bucky disappears down the hall towards the medical bay while you make your way down to the workshop. 

***

You stop dead in your tracks as you hear Steve’s voice coming from inside the workshop. Through the glass wall you can see Tony reaching out to shake his hand as the taller man apologizes for using Howard’s death against him.

 _My god, he has no idea._ Tony must think that Steve is fine you realize with growing dread. 

Inching closer, you watch as Steve pulls back and punches Tony hard in the face. You watch him crumble to the floor and when your eyes slide to Steve, they widen in horror as he pulls a gun from a hidden holster in his pants. 

Steve points it at Tony’s head as he attempts to stand once recovered from the blow. You watch the color drain from Tony's face as he looks up into the barrel of the gun. 

“Cap?” Tony murmurs softly. “Wh- what are you planning to do with that?” His voice shakes when he asks and you can see panic mixed with confusion in his dark eyes. 

Tony tries to get up from his kneeling position but Steve takes a step forward, clicking off the safety and pressing it against the man’s forehead. “What I should’ve done years ago.” 

You can tell that despite his fear, Tony is trying his hardest to keep a neutral expression and assess the threat. He raises his hands in surrender and stays kneeling on the floor. 

You scramble to open the door and get inside. You have no idea what you’re going to do, but you can’t wait for backup. Tony could be dead before Bucky gets down here. 

“I want you to beg me not to kill you.” Steve snarls and you hear yourself gasp at his command. “Beg me for your useless life.”

Tony’s eyes flicker over to you and he shakes his head slightly. “I’m not gonna do that, Steve.” He replies defiantly. "This isn't you."

“Hello darling, glad you could finally join us.“ You can see the smirk slid onto Steve’s face from where you are. “And yes, you are. You are going to beg for your life and then you’re going to beg for _hers_.” He gestures to you with his free hand, not bothering to look in your direction. 

“Get outta here Ace, you don’t want to see this.” Tony stops abruptly as Steve cocks the gun. When he presses it under Tony’s chin, Tony audibly swallows, betraying his mounting terror. 

“Sweetheart, please...” Your voice is soft, hoping to not upset him further. 

“We both know you didn’t have it in you to kill him yourself.” Steve hisses back, eyes still fixed on Tony. “So I’m taking matters into my own hands.” 

It’s obvious that he’s less worried about you attacking him. Compared to Tony, you’re small and don’t have much force behind you. _I have to buy us time._ “Let me do it.” When you speak, your voice is much more confident than you feel.

“What?” The confusion is evident in his voice as Steve turns to look at you. 

“Let me kill him.” You step towards him, praying that Tony will understand what you’re trying to do. Holding your hand out for the gun, you raise your eyes to meet Steve’s. “You never gave me a chance.”

He doesn’t move the weapon from the other man’s chin, instead just pushes it harder against his skin. The action forces Tony’s bewildered eyes to look up and away from you. “I heard you talking to Bucky.” 

“I had a moment where I thought I couldn’t do it… But seeing you, standing over him with the gun,” you explain, slowing taking a few more steps forward. “It’s made me realize that I could never belong to someone else. I was so stupid for trying to stop you from taking what’s yours.” 

Steve considers you for a moment, searching your face for any hint that what you’re saying is a lie. After what seems like forever, he motions you over. You close the distance in a few seconds and just look up at the man.

“ _Finally_.” He growls as his lips crash onto yours. His eyes close as his free hand moves to the back of your neck.

“Ace?” Tony whispers in defeat and you point to the gun with your left hand. _Pay attention and grab the damn gun, Tony._ You return the kiss, turning your body to Steve’s. The longer you can keep him occupied, the easier it will be for Tony to seize the weapon. 

In a flash, Steve shoves you off of him and you can see that Tony now has the gun in his hands. You quickly step back as the two men grapple for control of the weapon and fight to gain the upper hand. 

Tony loses control of the gun when Steve uppercuts him. It all happens in slow motion for you, the fight first and then the gun sliding across the floor. Eyes wide, you quickly bend down, snatching it from your feet. 

Steve looks over to you, lip bleeding. “Shoot him.” He barks as he twists his hand in the collar of Tony’s shirt, pulling him forward. “ _Now_!”

When you refuse to pull the trigger, the larger man takes a step towards you. “Take another step and I’ll shoot _you_.” You warn as you raise your arm.

“You wouldn’t dare.” As if testing you, he takes another step and smirks. You raise an eyebrow at him and immediately pull the trigger. The bullet hits its mark and you can see a brief flicker of shock and pain in Steve’s eyes. 

Your eyes move to the blood that’s soaking through his shirt and feel your stomach twist. _I shot him. Oh my god, I actually shot him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger ....Oops....


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

“What the hell?!” Bucky’s voice rings from over your shoulder. 

Before either you or Tony can answer, he rushes in. Dr. Banner follows behind him and both men are easily able to get the wounded man onto the ground. You watch as Bucky applies pressure to the bullet wound in Steve’s shoulder while Dr. Banner begins injecting him with vile after vile of the antidote. 

Tony is quick to scramble back from them, chest heaving. “Great fucking timing, Barnes. No one almost died or anything!” 

Dr. Banner looks up, eyes narrowing in on your and the weapon in your hand. “Tony, get the damn gun from her before she shoots someone else. All her shaking’s making me nervous.” 

“I’m fine.” You promise, slowly setting the weapon down onto the workbench. Moving across the room, you crouch down in front of Tony. “Are you okay?” 

“Uh… Well Ace, for a few seconds I actually thought you were gonna kill me.” Tony runs a shaking hand through his sweaty hair. “So between you and him, I dunno if ‘ _okay_ ’ is the right word.”

You stand as you shake your head. While you understand Tony's fear, you had never wanted to hurt him. Or even Steve for that matter.

“I needed to distract him. I knew that you’d be able to get the gun if I did. I hadn’t planned on shooting anyone.” Crossing your arms, you lean against the workbench.

“Well, you’re a little too convincing. Hedy would be proud.” Tony pushes himself up off the floor slowly. “But thank you. You saved my life, Ace.”

“What happened, exactly?” Bucky asks as he walks over and turns his attention to you. “And _you_ told _me_ not to go after Steve alone. Glad to see you listen to your own advice.” 

You watch as Dr. Banner and another person from the medical team haul Steve from the workroom. He seems to be out cold but you still worry what might happen. “There wasn’t time, he-”

“He came downstairs,” Tony jumps in sparing you from having to explain, “and wanted to apologize for what he had said about my old man. He even thanked me for trying to protect Ace while he was infected. He sounded sincere; I had no reason to think the serum hadn’t worked. So, I went to shake the guy’s hand and he sucker punched me in the face. He packs a punch so obviously I went down. I come back up and he’s got a gun in my face.”

Bucky sighs heavily. “Who let him in the ammunition room?” 

“No one.” Tony responds flatly, crossing his arms defensively. “He has override commands for my A.I. system. I didn’t have a chance to lock him out of everything before we flew to Russia. He was locked up anyway. Definitely didn’t think he’d get out again.” 

“And he went after you because he thinks you two are sneaking around behind his back?” Bucky asks, looking between you both. 

You both nod as Tony continues. “You got it, so I’m assuming he decided that the only logical thing to do was kill me -”

“No, have _me_ kill you.” You interrupt, unfolding your arms and holding up a finger.

“Yes. And when she didn't have it in her to kill me herself, his words not mine, he decided to do it himself. So again, _Gun. In. My. Face._ Not the first time this has happened, however, this _was_ the first time I was actually concerned that I was going to die.” 

You exchange a look with Tony, you both had been concerned about that. “Ace chooses that moment to be the world's best actress and convince him that she _does_ want to kill me.”

Tony looks away from you, shrugging in Bucky’s direction. “I had a moment, not gonna lie. She’s very convincing. Can’t believe she actually kissed him like that though.” 

You shake your head as you hear Bucky let out a soft laugh. “I was trying to distract him.” 

“I know, I know. But still… Awfully passionate from where I was kneeling.“ 

“Would you prefer a passionate kiss or a bullet to the head?” 

Tony takes a moment to weigh his options. “Depends on the day. Depends on the woman.” You roll your eyes and he continues recounting the events.

“There’s a struggle. I get the gun, I get my ass handed to me, I lose the gun. But, I mean, what do you expect when you try to fight a super soldier on steroids.” He shrugs again. “Personally, I’m pretty impressed I lasted as long as I did.”

“Seriously _and_ without your suit.” Bucky seems amused and you smile despite yourself at their growing camaraderie given the circumstances.

“Exactly!” Tony throws his hands in the air. “I almost died!” 

You sigh heavily. “ _Children_.” Both men immediately turn to you, looking more than a little offended. ”The gun slid across the floor and I picked it up.” You say seriously, glancing back to the gun on the table. “I didn’t want to hurt Steve but he left me no choice. If I hadn’t shot him, we’d both be dead.” 

“Well I, personally, am forever grateful that you’re that good of a shot. Because let’s be real, you look exhausted.” Tony scoops the gun from the table as he crosses the room.

“Not gonna lie, I could use a drink right now.” He admits as he locks the weapon away in one of the cabinets. “Ace? How long had he been awake and _when_ _the hell_ did he talk to you?” 

“The good scotch is in your office, right?” You ask and Tony immediately nods. “I’ll explain on the way.” With both men listening, you lead them through the hallways towards the office. 

***

“Ace, that’s creepy as hell.” Tony mumbles, pouring himself another drink. He gestures with the decanter towards you and Bucky. The other man shakes his head while you hold out your own glass to be refilled. 

“I know.” You say dryly, trying to relax in your seat. “I lived it.”

Bucky finishes off his scotch and leans back in his chair, watching you. “How long do you think he was there?” 

“Honestly, I have no idea. I only woke up when he started touching me.” 

“You know what?” Tony pushes his office chair away from the desk. He picks up a small remote, causing his entire back wall to reflect his monitor. “We have security footage of every room. We keep it in passive mode for privacy but F.R.I.D.A.Y. can call up anything I ask.” 

He clears his throat. “F.R.I.D.A.Y?”

“Yes, boss?”

“Call up security footage from last night, suite 17. Start around 2300h and keep going. Audio and Visual, if you please.” 

The screen changes and you watch yourself grab a towel and disappear into your bathroom. Tony fast forwards through the minutiae of you getting ready and into bed. He plays the video at normal speed when you see a crack of light come from the doorway to your room. By the time stamp, it’s just after 00:30h. You shiver as you watch Steve making his way into the suite, stopping less than a foot from the edge of the bed. 

“Well, this is some Paranormal Activity shit.” Bucky deadpans from his chair.

Tony pauses and swivels his chair to eye Bucky, his expression begrudgingly amused. “You and me?” He gestures back and forth with his glass, “We are _far_ from good but let me tell you, you’re funny.” He turns back around, playing the video once more. He fast forwards again. 

Forty-five or so minutes into Steve standing there completely still, Tony leans close to the screen. “Is he saying something?” He returns the video to normal speed and asks the A.I. to enhance the audio.

Your eyes widen when you hear the sound coming from the speakers. Steve is humming. 

“Why do I know that song?” Tony asks, looking back to you. “Is that….” he pauses, searching his brain for the answer. “Why can’t I think of the name? My dad used to play it all the damn time.” 

“It’s _Dream a Little Dream of Me._ ” You whisper, bringing your hand to your mouth. 

Bucky nods at you, pushing himself up from his chair. “Yeah, you used to have that record. I remember Steve getting it for your birthday.” He glances in your direction with a smile. “Dottie couldn’t stand that song after the tenth time, she was so happy when you wore that thing out.” 

You peer from the screen to Bucky and attempt to flatten down a crease in your blouse. “It _was_ my favorite.”

Neither of the men seem to know what to say and you close your eyes, letting your thoughts wander. A few moments pass uneventfully but your eyes suddenly flash open when you hear Steve’s voice.

 _“I know you’re awake.”_ You can feel your heart start to race as you turn your gaze to the screen. At first, you had thought he was in the room with you. 

“Tony,” you ask finally finding your voice. “Please pause this.” 

He does so and looks over at you. “You okay? You’re looking a little pale.” 

“I… I can’t.” You shake your head. “I can’t watch this. Going through it again is too much. The things he said to me…” You wipe at the tears falling down your cheeks.

“It was all so terrible. And I agreed to it, to hurt you, because I was scared of what he’d do to me if I refused. I was at a complete disadvantage. I couldn’t fight him like that.”

You look to Tony, eyes pleading with him to understand. “I… I just didn’t know what to do.” 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Tony stands and is quick to move around the desk to you. He kneels down in front of your chair, resting a hand on your knee.

“It’s okay. You’re safe. You don’t have to watch it.” Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Bucky grabbing tissues. He hands them off to Tony as the man continues. “I know you didn’t want to agree with him and I don’t blame you for what just happened. You haven't wanted any of this.” 

You nod tearfully, unable to say anything. 

“I’m gonna turn off the audio and we’re gonna fly through this, okay? Just so we can see what time he actually left.” With another nod from you, Tony instructs the A.I. and turns to watch the screen.

After you watch Steve leave your room around 0500h, Tony changes the video footage and for the next hour or so, you watch Steve move from the medbay to the ammunition room and finally down to the workshop. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, boss.” The video pauses as the A.I. 's voice fills the room. “I thought you’d like to know that Captain Rogers is awake.” 

Your heart starts racing again and your eyes lock with Tony’s. All three of you had expected him to be unconscious longer. It’s Bucky who voices the thought first. “That didn’t take long… Should we be concerned?” 

Tony swallows the rest of his drink before speaking, “I dunno but I’m not going near him without a suit.”


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

You refuse to go inside the room when you get there and neither of the men accompanying you push the subject. Bucky stands guard beside you as Tony prepares to head in alone. He speaks softly to a doctor just outside your earshot and Bucky cocks his head to the side in an attempt to listen.

“The doctor says Steve’s blood is clean.” He tells you, straining to hear more. “In the side by side analysis, she completed after they brought him in the second time, the blood looks like it did before the serum took hold of him.”

You’re sure shock is written on your face when you look up at Bucky. _Could it really be over?_ You wrap your arms around your frame defensively. “James, they’re completely sure?” 

“This sounds like the testing they did for me after we demolished Hydra.” He shrugs. “She just said he has zero memory of the last nine days, at least.”

You open your mouth to protest but he places his hand on your crossed arms. “Hang on, Tony just asked what safety precautions they’ve taken.” Bucky listens intently and after a moment, Tony turns back and heads in your direction. 

“Doc says the antidote worked this time.” Tony stops right in front of you, giving a slight smile. “We flooded his system with it and she thinks the shock of the gunshot wound overrode whatever was in him and let the serum do its thing. Now, I wouldn’t trust him as far as I can throw him, but I trust the medical team. If they say the blood is clean, it is.”

“Tony,” you begin softly. “Even if it is him, I… I can’t go in there.”

“I didn’t expect you to. I’m going in, in the suit. I was assured that he’s been handcuffed to the bed. Titanium alloy cuffs, same material as my armor. If he’s the normal Captain, he can’t break them. If he’s not -”

Bucky cuts in, “You put him down.” 

Your head whips around to stare at him in complete disbelief. “ _James_.”

“What? Steve is my best friend but nothing we’ve tried has worked yet so _someone_ has to be practical. Before he goes full American Psycho on us again.”

“Just saying man." Tony remarks, stifling a laugh into a cough. “You’re funny."

“What about that is funny to you, Anthony?” 

Tony looks properly embarrassed before he turns and claps Bucky on the shoulder. “You got this man, I’m gonna head in.” He turns to you with a serious expression. “I’m gonna turn off the privacy so you can hear everything. Stay out here with Barnes, okay?” 

“Trust me, that’s not a problem.” 

Nodding, Tony presses one of the many buttons on the wall before heading inside the medical room. Through the one-way glass, you can see Steve sitting up in bed. He thanks a nurse and quickly turns his attention to the other man as he enters. 

“Ah hey, Tony.” Steve holds up the cuffed wrist as much as he can. “What’s going on? This really necessary?” 

“You tell me.” His tone is skeptical as he moves closer to the bed, partially blocking your view.

“I mean, I get that bed rest if really important after being shot, but I feel like this is overkill.” Steve lets his hand drop back down into his lap. “How did this happen by the way?” 

“You seriously don’t remember?” 

You can see Steve shake his head at the question. “No?” 

“What day is it?” 

“Tuesday, the 14th.” 

“Ooh no pal.” Tony laughs humorlessly. “It’s Thursday, the 23rd.” 

“What?” You don’t need to see his face to know just how confused Steve looks. “Did we go on a mission and I got hurt? Have I been out this whole time?” 

“Nope.” Tony says, voice popping on the ‘p’. “You _really_ don’t remember? Like nothing? Nothing at all?” 

Steve shakes his head again. “No Tony, I really don’t.” 

“Okay, what _is_ the last thing you remember?” 

“It’s kind of fuzzy. I remember talking with you in the training room and giving the locket back to….” Steve trails off briefly. You watch him raise his head, brow furrowed as he looks to Tony. “Why does this matter? And why are you in the suit?” 

“The suit is for my protection.” 

Steve tries to raise both arms as he exclaims exasperatedly, “From _what_?!” 

“Wow, you either really don’t remember or deserve a damn Oscar.” Tony folds his arms across his chest. “It’s for protection against you.” 

“From me? I don’t understand.” 

“You went crazy.” Tony gestures wildly to the other man. “Not like eating gas station sushi crazy, but lost your damn mind crazy. Evil, psycho, murderous crazy.” 

“My God! Did I kill someone?” 

“Almost…. More than one almost.” 

Steve cocks his head to one side, eyeing Tony. “What do you mean ‘more than one almost’? Is everyone okay?” 

“Well, you had a gun to my head about three hours ago. And that’s probably the least violent thing you’ve done all week.” 

“I would never... Wait, what do you mean ‘least violent’?”

“I swear, if Ace hadn’t been - “ 

Steve cuts him off quickly. “Where is she? I didn’t hurt _her,_ did I?” 

You know this conversation is taking a turn that you’re not ready for. The only logical thing you can think to do is shove Bucky in to create a distraction. “Stop this.” You whisper as you watch the man stumble into the room. 

“Hey guys!” He stutters, eyes moving between the other two men. “So uh… Tony, dinner… Kitchen. Now.” 

You watch as both Tony and Steve glance to the clock. “Barnes…. It’s barely noon.” 

“Yeah, I know… But there’s the…. The chicken and it’s just…. It’s a mess. You gotta… you gotta go.” 

Behind the glass, you shake your head, pressing your hand to your forehead. “He wasn’t this dumb before the war. I could kill him.” You mumble to yourself. 

“So obviously something else happened that you guys aren’t telling me.” Steve jingles the cuff. “And it’s bad enough that you gotta keep me here.” 

“Lots of something else's happened.” Tony takes a few steps away from the bed. “But that’s not for us to tell you, we’ll let Ace do it when she’s ready.” 

“Wait,” Steve’s voice sounds desperate. “Is she okay? Can I see her?” 

Bucky shakes his head, shrugging slightly. “That definitely depends on your definition of okay. Harvard’s seen some better days but she’s strong.” 

“Wait… Are you two speaking? Are you two okay?” Steve turns to his friend, eyes wide. “Are you _three_ speaking?” 

“Nine days, big guy. A lot’s happened.” Tony sighs.

“So, can I see her then?” 

You take a deep breath, stepping into the doorway as Tony speaks. “How can I put this delicately?” He clearly has no idea that you’re there. “No.” 

Steve stares at you from over Tony’s shoulder. His eyes widen as he takes in your appearance. When getting dressed this morning, you hadn’t bothered trying to cover up any of the bruises that he had left. 

“Are you okay?” He asks softly. Tony and Bucky both turn to look at you, surprise written all over their faces. “Sweetheart, who did this to you?” 

_Sweetheart._ You can feel the tears sliding down your cheeks as you shake your head. Turning on your heels, you march down the hallway as quick as possible. “You. You did that to her.” You can hear Tony say as the doors to the medical wing slide shut behind you. 


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

A soft knock at the door makes you look up from your tea. It had been hours since you had left the medbay and you still can’t get Steve’s voice out of your head. _Sweetheart, who did this to you?_ Shaking your head, you set down the cup and move to open the door. 

“Hey, Ace.” Tony holds up a small plate with a sandwich on it. “I know it’s not your cooking, but I thought you might be hungry.” 

Wordlessly, you take the plate and step aside to let him in. You close the door behind him and sigh. “Before you ask, I’m as okay as I could be.” 

“This is a lot, we all get that. And seeing him couldn’t have been easy for you.” He gently touches your arm. “I swear to you, I didn’t tell him anything. It’s not my place, I just needed to shut him up.” 

“I know.” You set the plate down on the counter as you return to your spot on the couch. 

Tony carefully follows after you, sinking down into one of the armchairs. “So, I went back and watched some of the footage from when he was locked up.”

Your whole body tenses as you recall that conversation. "I didn't know you went down to see him, Ace. Those things he said, the things he did to you? What he said about your father? Were they all true?” 

Your eyes drop to your hands and he continues after a deep breath. “That’s what I thought.”

His tone is warm and sincere when he speaks again. “I’m sure that I’m probably the last person you’d wanna talk to about this but I want you to know that I’m always here for you. Or, if you’d prefer, I can find you the best doctor in the city. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone and what Steve did to you, it’s unspeakable.” 

You can’t help your thoughts as they drift to the night Steve had attacked you. You shudder and Tony softly carries on, “I’m so sorry that this happened and I wish I could’ve stopped this sooner. You didn’t deserve any of what he put you through.” 

“Thank you.” 

Tony pushes himself up and closes the small gap between you. “I’m serious, anything you need, Ace.” He sits beside you, gently pulling you into his arms. 

The second his arms are around you, your walls break down and you start to sob. “I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to look at him again.” 

“Shhh.” He gently rubs your back as you cry yourself out. 

“I’m going to have to relive it, won’t I? If he truly doesn’t remember, Steve deserves an explanation.” 

“He doesn’t deserve anything that you don’t want to give.” Tony reasons, shaking his head. “You need to put your own well being before his.” 

Logically, you know that. You know that you don’t owe Steve anything but a small part of you doesn’t think it’s fair to keep this from him. You tell Tony as much.

“So you talk to him when you’re ready and you don’t do it alone. Let Barnes or I go with you. We can stay outside the room if that’s what you’re more comfortable with.” 

“Okay.” You sniffle softly as you pull away from him. 

“Okay.” Tony nods. “What can I do? What do you need from me?” 

You take a moment to compose yourself before speaking. “I think I just want to be alone for a little bit, if that’s alright.” 

“Of course it is.” He stands. “If you need anything, have F.R.I.D.A.Y. get me.” You slowly nod and he leaves the room. 

Once you’re sure he’s gone, you let the tears flow freely down your cheeks. You hadn’t expected that anyone would find out what happened. Or that you might have to relive it again. 

***

It’s after midnight and you can’t sleep. You wander around the compound, allowing your feet to carry you wherever they please, and you end up in the medbay. You can see the light is on in Steve’s room as you inch closer. _Maybe he just fell asleep with it on?_

You open the door a few inches and Steve immediately pushes himself up in the bed. Your heart races as you lock eyes and you go to back out. 

“Wait." His voice is soft and hesitant. “Please.” 

Turning back to him, you bite down hard on your bottom lip. Coming down here without Tony had been a bad idea. 

“Please,” he begs again. “I’m so sorry for whatever I did to you.” 

“You… You really don’t remember?” 

“I truly don’t, but I wish I did.” 

“No, you don’t.” You take a tentative step into the room. “I wish I couldn’t remember.” 

In the light, the bruises are yellowing but no less aggressive. You notice his eyes moving over each one and you shiver. “I really did this to you?” He whispers and you can hear the pain in his voice. 

You nod and he holds out his hand to you. This time, you refuse to make that mistake and stay close to the door. “Sweetheart,” he starts. “I’m not going to hurt you.” 

“You have no idea how many times you’ve said that to me and then done exactly that.” The anger in your voice shocks both of you. 

Steve drops his hand back to his lap and looks away. “Doll, I -” 

“ _Don’t call me that._ ” You snap, shaking your head at him. “I thought I could do this. I thought I could talk to you but I can’t. I’m sorry.” Without waiting for his response, you slip back out the door. 

You make it to the end of the hallway before you need to stop. Leaning against the wall, you slide down to the floor and sob. _How am I ever going to forgive him if I can’t even talk to him?_ You stay there for a few moments, allowing yourself time to fall apart. 

When you finally look up, you can feel dread settle in when you realize that the door to his room is cracked open. He may not be able to see you but there’s no way he couldn’t have heard you. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” You can hear Steve call. “Get Tony down here please.” 

It isn’t even five minutes before Tony, outfitted in nano-tech, comes barreling into the medial wing. He takes one look at you as you cry on the floor and charges into Steve’s room. “What the fuck did you do?!”

You can hear the cuff jingle and assume he’s holding up his arm. “Nothing.” He exclaims, slightly panicky. “She came down here to talk and…” 

“And what? What did you say to her?” 

“That I didn’t remember anything. That I wish I did.” 

“No, you really don’t.” 

“That’s what she said and then she left. I heard her crying and didn’t know what to do because, clearly, I’m the reason.” Steve pauses for a moment. “So I had F.R.I.D.A.Y. get you.” 

“Okay, you stay here.” Tony sighs as he exits the room. You watch as he makes his way towards you, armor bleeding back into the arc reactor in his chest. He crouches down in front of you and takes in your appearance. “You okay, Ace?” 

You shake your head as you mumble, “I thought… I don’t know…” 

“It’s okay.” He stands, extending a hand to help you off the floor. “What happened to waiting for Barnes or myself?” 

“I’m sorry.” You whisper to him, wiping your eyes. 

“It’s fine, let’s get you a drink, huh? Cause I could use one.” 

The two of you walk in silence to his office. Your thoughts racing through the conversation over and over again. How could Steve not remember any of it? 

As Tony walks through the doorway, you stop, eyes wide. “You coming in?” He asks, glancing over to you as he pours two drinks. 

“He called for you...“ You’re frozen in the doorway, eyes locked on the crystal decanter.

“Yeah, Ace, I know. That’s why I came down there.” 

“No, Tony, you don’t understand. This whole thing started because he didn’t trust that you and I weren’t sneaking around behind his back.” 

“Yeah?” He puts the glass down and leans against his desk, waiting for you to elaborate.

“That thought had to come from somewhere, right? I highly doubt that the serum could create those feelings of violence, anger and aggression on its own.”

You step into the room, holding your hand out for the drink that had been poured. “He had to have been thinking about it before. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had to be worried that we were more than friends.” 

He turns, picking up your glass and handing it to you. “Well damn. With that logic, if the serum took away all impulse control, he could act on every homicidal thought he had. And let’s be honest, if he was still convinced that I was sleeping with you, he wouldn’t want me comforting you. That would push you right into my arms.” 

“Exactly. It doesn’t change what happened but I feel a little safer knowing that _our_ Steve is in control of his own thoughts again.” 

“Agreed, and that's a good sign.” Tony lifts his own glass to take a sip. “But we still aren’t gonna go see him alone again, okay?” 

You nod silently as you lift your own glass.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

Director Fury sits at his desk, watching you intently. “So, what do you wanna do about this?” 

“If the medical team has cleared him, I see no reason that Captain Rogers shouldn’t resume his duties as Co-Leader of the team.”

The words come out of your mouth so easily that you almost believe them yourself. The last thing you want is for Steve to be suspended from duty and have to linger around the compound all day.

“And any personal issues you two are having? I am aware there has been some cause for concern.” 

“From what I know of him, our personal issues will not hinder the Captain’s job performance.” 

The director stands. “So how are you going to handle him being up and about the compound?” 

“Honestly, the less time I can sit in my room and dwell on it, the better.” You shrug. “So, I would like to start going on missions and be able to use my talents wherever possible.” 

“That can be arranged. Stark let me know that you two have been training for a while.” 

“Perfect.” You stand, gathering your things from the other chair. “I know you’ve been away for a while so I’ll let you catch up. Please, let me know when you have something that I can do.” Director Fury nods, thanking you as you exit the office. 

You make your way down the hall, thinking over the conversation with the director. You had explained most of what had happened to him and you’re grateful that he wanted your opinion on what to do next in regards to Steve.

Hearing your name, you stop and turn to see Tony jogging down the hall towards you. 

“All done with Fury?” He asks, glancing back over his shoulder. You nod and he continues. “How’d it go? Tell him everything?” 

“Minus a few details, yes.” 

Tony nods, immediately understanding. “I get that.” He pauses, shifting his weight to the other foot. “Speaking of, Steve was released from the medical bay about ten minutes ago.” 

You can feel the color drain from your face. He must be able to see your panic because his next words are spoken soft and slow. “Please know that I, _not so gently_ , told him that he isn’t allowed within fifteen feet of you. I only wanted you to know so that you don’t turn a corner, run into him, and panic.” 

Before you can speak, you hear Director Fury call, “Stark. I need to speak with you!” 

“He hasn’t even been back for a day and already I managed to piss Dad off.” Tony grumbles as he makes his way to the office. 

***

Over the next week, you successfully avoid being alone with Steve. Or even being in the same room as him. 

You’re sitting in the living room, mending a pair of trousers for Bucky.* He is sitting beside you, some movie he’s been _dying_ to show you playing on the projector in front of you. You have no idea what is happening but you needed something mindless to focus on and he seemed very excited when you agreed. 

“Hey,” He asks hesitantly, pressing pause on the movie. “Can I ask you a sort of personal question?”

Sighing, you turn to look at him. “Three dates, James. Three.”

“No, no.” He says with a smile. “It’s about Dottie.” _Dottie_. The name brings you back almost eighty years. Dot had been your best friend back then, back when everything was much simpler and your relationship with Steve was new and uncomplicated.

She and Bucky had been steady a few months longer than you and Steve had been. She was a fierce and funny spitfire of a girl who gave Bucky a serious run for his money.

“What about her?” You ask him, not unkindly and set down the pants you had been working on. 

“Was she okay?” He asks, unable to meet your eyes. “Ya know, after I was reported killed in action, was she okay?”

The question throws you off for a moment. It hadn’t been what you expected but you soften when you realize just how much he loved her and must still love her. As much as you had vehemently thought there was no trace of the friend you once cared deeply for inside of this man, sometimes the old Bucky peeks through. 

“She took it hard.” You answer honestly. “There were a lot of nights when she’d reread your letters and cry herself to sleep. She loved you more than anything, James.” 

He takes a second and closes his eyes briefly. “Do you think she ended up happy?” 

“I do.” The statement is true. Your friend had been able to find happiness in almost any situation. “She had started seeing someone in the last few months of my life, I didn’t really get to know him but he seemed to make her smile.” 

“Good.” Bucky glances at you with a soft sigh. “I loved that girl and I wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn’t with me.” 

You gently reach out, touching his hand. “James, you made her very happy, I hope you know that.” The couple may have bickered often but you knew just how much Dot had loved him. 

“Thanks, Harvard.” He says with a wide smile. He immediately realizes his mistake and apologizes for the nickname. You laugh and tell him you don’t mind it so much now. Giving you a nod, he turns back to the screen and presses play.

“Hey, Buck?” You look up at the sound of Steve’s voice coming towards you. 

Gathering your things, you look over to Bucky and he nods in silent understanding. You pass Steve as he steps into the room and you can feel his eyes on you as you turn the corner. 

“You really had to come down here?” You hear Bucky ask. “I’ve been trying to get Harvard to watch this damn movie all week. She’s _finally_ talking to me.” Leaning against the wall, you close your eyes and try to relax yourself. That was the closest you’ve been to Steve since all this happened. 

“I’m sorry, I just needed to follow up on drill from yester-” 

“She’s still got my pants!” You open your eyes, glancing down to your hands and swear softly. You do, in fact, have his pants and until Steve is gone, Bucky will not be getting them back. 

As you start down the hall again, you can hear Steve’s confused voice. “What?” You fold them as you walk towards the kitchen, planning to leave them there for Bucky. When you turn the corner, all you can see is a pair of feet on the counter, appearing to be climbing up to rummage through the shelves.

“Hello?” You ask, standing in the doorway as Peter looks around the cabinet door. 

“Oh! Hi,” The boy shuts the door, starting to climb down. “I was uh… I was just hungry and Mr. Stark hides all the good snacks up high. Which is funny because he can’t reach either. Pretty sure the only one who could is Thor.” 

You set the pants down on the island as you cross the kitchen. “Would you like me to make you something?” 

“Yes, please.” Peter responses excitedly. “Mr. Stark says you’re the best cook ever, but don’t tell him I told you that. But seriously though, the best cook.” 

Chuckling softly, you thank the boy and turn to the stove. “Anything in particular you’d like?” 

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. Surprise me!” 

“Okay,” You nod, taking a moment to think as you open the cabinet. Your eyes fall on the bread and remember grilled cheese is universally loved. “Peter, could you get me the cheese and butter from the refrigerator?” 

“Sure thing, Mrs. Rogers.” The words cause you to freeze, hand resting on the loaf of bread. “Are you making grilled cheese? What kind of cheese makes the best sandwich? I feel like it would be cheddar. Oo! There’s gouda in here. I’ve never had gouda before, is it good?”

Peter stands up, closing the refrigerator door with his foot, blocks of cheese in hand. “Are you okay?” 

You let your hand fall back to the counter as you watch the boy. “Mrs. Rogers?” 

Peter stares at you like a deer in the headlights, nervously dumping the contents of his arms onto the counter. “Uh…. Mr. Stark… He… He started it. It’s not a bad thing though! I know that you and Captain America had a fight but that’s not why. Mr. Stark… He was telling me how awesome you are and smart and kind and really friendly and you wear a lot of sweaters. Just like the show! You’ve seen it right, I mean, everybody’s seen it.” 

“Anthony told you this?” You raise your eyebrows at the boy. 

“Are you mad at him? He’s gonna be so mad at me, he isn’t gonna let me come over anymore and I really like it here.” 

Folding your arms across your chest, you shake your head slightly. “No, I’m not mad at him.” 

“Are you sure? ‘Cause you look really mad and you said his full name.” He anxiously fumbles with the bottom of his hoodie as he speaks. “Aunt May only says my full name when I’m in a lot of trouble.” 

“I’m not mad at him, Peter.” It’s a complete lie but you don’t care. The teenager isn’t the one who started the nickname so he doesn’t need to know the truth. 

“So you’re mad at me?” 

“No.” You give him a small smile. “But, I trust you can make your own snack because I need to have a word with Anthony.” 

Peter groans, sliding down into one of the bar stools, head resting on the island counter top. “Mr. Stark is gonna kill me.” 

You’re furious by the time you reach Tony’s office. You find the man deep in concentration, pouring over blueprints to what looks like a new suit. 

“Anthony Edward Stark.” You watch as he shrinks down in his chair and slowly brings his eyes up to yours. 

“ _Fuck_.” He whispers as you move closer to his desk. “Yes?” 

“Mrs. Rogers?” 

“Hmm?” 

“When did you start calling me that.” 

“I’m gonna kill him.” Tony sits up and lifts his hands in a somewhat surrendering motion. “Okay so, I need you to know that I called you that _way_ before any of this started. It was cute and ironic because, ya know you and Cap but then there’s the show. And you just embody so many of the things from that - all good things!” 

You cross your arms, staring at him. “So I’ve been told.” 

“I never meant for it to upset you,” He begins rambling, something you know he does when he’s nervous. “I’m really gonna kill this kid. I didn’t think he’d repeat it…. Who am I kidding, the kid repeats everything I tell him. I just… I really… He hasn’t been here in like two weeks, he’s been on some stupid school trip so I didn’t even think of it. All he knows is that you two had a disagreement. Didn’t really have a chance to tell him much more. 

“But like, you’ve seen the show, right? Like it’s not a bad thing! Mr. Rogers is this sweet little old man and - “ You raise an eyebrow at him.

“Not that you look old or anything but he’s so wholesome and he’s a really great person. He wears a lot of sweaters and you also wear a lot of sweaters.” He gestures at your top excitedly. “Have you really not seen the show?” 

You shake your head and watch Tony panic once more at your reaction.. “Okay so we’re gonna watch a clip then, okay? F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Pull up a clip from Mister Rogers Neighborhood. Now please.” 

The clip you witness contains puppetry and a lot of pretend. As it ends, Tony turns back around to you, hopeful. When you say nothing, he starts to ramble once more. 

“You didn’t like it? He’s so nice and he helped a lot of people. My old man used to put it on for me when he didn’t want to deal with me. I learned so much and it was really great, everyone loves Mr. Rogers. Wow you are scary when you’re silent. It’s like my mother…. Honestly, it’s worse, at least I could get her to crack a smile.” 

You still say nothing and move to sit in one of the armchairs across from Tony’s desk. He stands hesitantly and walks around the desk until he is inches from you.

He runs a hand down his face before peering through his tented fingers. “So how much trouble am I in?” 

“Less, now that I understand where it came from.” You respond, meeting his eyes. “But it ends now.” 

“Yes Ma’am.” He responds, without a hint of sarcasm.

“Great. I’m glad we see eye to eye on this.” You stand up and head for the door. “I’m going to get dinner planned.” 

Tony lets out an audible sigh of relief before calling for F.R.I.D.A.Y to send Peter into the room. Peter, who had obviously been standing outside the doorway, pops his head in innocently. “You called Mr. Stark?”

“Yeah kid, come in. We need to talk.” He crosses his arms and his face sours into a disappointed expression.

The teenager glances at you briefly before turning his attention back to Tony. “Um, I’d rather not. I have lots of homework to do.” 

“It’s Friday,” Tony says dryly. “Do it later.”

Peter sulks by as you walk the rest of the distance to the doorway. You turn to look back at Tony with a stern expression. “Anthony,” you call out and he looks up warily. “Don’t punish the boy for your mistakes.” 

“Thank you,” Peter whispers to you before sitting in the chair you just vacated. Once fully out the door you hear, “So, Mrs. Rogers is a no go huh?”

“Yeah. Whatever gave you _that_ idea. Thought you were smarter than that kid.” You don’t want to, but you can’t help the smile that tugs at your lips as you walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *  
> Days later, Tony is reviewing security footage of the common room with Rhodey and Sam  
> Sam: So do you think he asked her to fix them? Or did she volunteer?  
> Tony: I don't know but that man has twenty-seven pairs of pants. I know because I signed off on the order.  
> Rhodey: I bet he asked. She wouldn't volunteer to fix a man's pants.  
> Sam: I dunno, she seems like the type.  
> Rhodey: But how would she know?  
> Tony: Are we really having this conversation right now?  
> Sam: Listen, that girl is something weird. She probably just knew.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

In the next month, you start going on fact finding and retrieval missions. Nothing that requires more than one or two other people, and nothing that keeps you away from the compound for more than two or three days.

Honestly, you love it. It keeps your mind off of what happened and you love feeling like you have a purpose that _doesn’t_ revolve around Steve - who you’ve managed to avoid the entire time. 

Leaving your new office, you head for the elevator, stacks of papers in hand. You struggle to press the button as the stacks wobble precariously. “Probably shouldn’t have taken this much.” You mutter as the doors slide open. Stepping inside, you press the button for B2 - the archives. 

You’re too lost in reading the top paper that you barely notice the elevator has stopped. It’s only when you hear Steve’s voice that you look up.

“Oh,” he stares at you. “I didn’t realize it was you, I’ll get the next one.” The door slides shut and the elevator begins to descend again. “Or not.” 

“It’s fine.” You sigh softly. “Just stay over there.” You move back to the corner as he stays close to the door. 

Steve anxiously watches you, hands tucked into his pockets. “Is it always going to be like this?” 

Before you can answer, you hear something snap above you and the elevator shakes and jerks to a halt. Everything in your hands comes tumbling to the floor as you stumble forward, landing among the papers. 

“Are you alright?” You look up to see Steve holding onto the support rail. “You didn’t get hurt, did you?” He asks, tentatively taking a step in your direction. 

“I’m fine!” You push yourself up onto your knees quickly. “Don’t come near me.” 

He sighs, shaking his head at your stubbornness. “You’re on the floor. You’re things are everywhere. Let me help you, please.” Again, he goes to move towards you. 

“ _Steven Grant Rogers_.” You snap and watch him freeze. “I do not need or _want_ your help. Stay on your side.” 

“Fine.” He says in defeat. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.? What’s going on?” 

“I’m sorry Captain Rogers, there seems to be a mechanical failure that I cannot repair. I have dispatched servicemen to the area but it may take a while due to our location. Mr. Stark has also been notified. He is en route from California as we speak.” 

_California. Great._ Still kneeling on the floor, you stare at the papers in silence. Your heart races and it feels like you can’t get enough air into your lungs. With no one to protect you, you’re worried about what might happen. 

“Ma’am. Your heart rate is very elevated. I believe you’re having a panic attack. Please don’t worry, I have notified Mr. Stark. At the suit's last calculated speed, he should be here within an hour. Would you like me to help you through some breathing exercises?” 

“No, thank you. I’m fine.” You leave the papers and push yourself off the floor. Now isn’t the time for this. Not in front of him. 

A few painful minutes pass before either of you speak. “A panic attack?” Steve asks, glancing from the discarded papers to you. “Are you really so afraid of me that being stuck here is giving you a panic attack?” 

You sigh before looking at him, this was not when you wanted to have this conversation. “Do you remember when you stepped in as my father tried to hit me? And then you told me that you’d never do that to me?” 

His eyes are full of sincerity when he answers.“Of course I do.”

“Well, you did so much worse. You put me through hell for nine days. So please, tell me how you expect me to feel? Because terrified seems the appropriate response to me.” 

“You know that wasn’t me.” He shakes his head. “The doctors - “ 

“I know what the doctors say.” Bitterness laces your words. “That your blood is clean but how can they be so sure that you won’t hurt me again? How can _you_ be so sure?” 

“Because, I love you.” Steve says simply. “And I would never willingly do something to hurt you.” 

“Steven.” You raise a hand to stop him and the anger you’re feeling comes pouring out of you. “I almost died by the same hands that stopped my father from hurting me. More than once. Every chance you got, you threatened my life. You can’t imagine what it felt like to hear you say that you _wanted_ to kill me. That you would enjoy it. And I’m sorry but you cannot possibly imagine what it felt like to be completely helpless against the one person who promised you he was different.” 

“You’re right, I can’t possibly imagine what that feels like, but you have to know that if I had been in control, I never would’ve hurt you like that.” He watches you closely. “And, I always hated when you called me ‘Steven’.” He gives you a small smile, trying to break the tension. "Felt like I was in trouble."

You raise your eyebrow at him. “Do you know what I hated?” He stares at you expectantly. “Your hands around my neck.” 

The slight smile on his face disappears. “What?” 

“I know you saw the bruises.” You tell him, moving the collar of your blouse to show him the faded light brown fingerprints across your throat.

Steve’s eyes follow your movements. As you pull the collar away, he turns from you quickly. “No, I saw them… I just didn’t…” 

“Didn’t what? No one else did this to me.” You scowl as you let go of your shirt. “It was you.” 

His eyes move up to yours. “I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry doesn’t stop the nightmares.” You whisper, closing your eyes to fight back the tears. Too many nights you had woken up, screaming because of what he had done to you. 

Steve is speechless as he stands there, watching you. You’re sure that this is hard for him to hear but it’s harder on you. No one should have to explain what happened to their own attacker.

“Have any of your memories come back?” You ask, wiping your eyes quickly.

“Small things.” He responds softly. “I remember throwing a plate, I remember talking to Thor.” 

“So nothing of consequence. I don’t think I ever wanted to have this conversation with you but since we’re stuck here,” you gesture around you. “Can’t see any way past it now.” 

“We don’t have to if you aren’t ready.” He’s offering you a way out- too little, too late. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.” You take in a shaky breath before starting to recount the nine torturous days. “It started off small, I just thought you were mad about me training.”

Pausing, you look over to him. “You told me I _wasn’t allowed_ to train with Tony and when I said something, you got so angry that you flipped the table.” 

“Couldn’t train with Tony?” His eyebrows shoot up. “I trust him with my life. And yours.”

“Which is exactly why I didn’t understand why you were upset.” You explain. “Did you honestly believe I would sneak around with Tony behind your back? Because I now know that’s how this started.” 

He sighs, shaking his head at you. “Of course not.” 

“Really? Because you brought it up multiple times so it had to be in the back of your mind before the serum.” Crossing your arms, you watch him closely. 

“I guess I had moments. I’m only human and you’re with him all the time.” Steve takes in your expression of disbelief and continues.

“He’s smarter than me. I’ve listened to the two of you talk shop for hours and I have no idea what you’re saying. He dotes on you, you want something and he gets it without question. Then there’s the fact that he _is_ Howard’s son. You always had a soft spot for him.” 

“I don’t even know how to respond to that.” You lean back against the wall. “Steven, you were the only man I have _ever_ been in love with. I never wanted Howard that way and I don’t want Tony.”

Shaking his head again, he looks away from you to the floor. “Logically, I know that and that’s why I never told you. I also trust that Tony would never try anything. Again, logically I know he’s in love with Pepper.” 

“Which is why I _logically_ knew something had to be wrong when you threw me up against the wall. You were cruel and aggressive with me.” You shudder at the memory. “And when I begged you to stop, you put your hands around my throat. I couldn’t breathe Steve, and honestly I don’t think you cared. Or maybe you just enjoyed how afraid of you I was.”

Steve’s voice is hesitant as he speaks. “I’ve never wanted you to be afraid of me.” 

“No? Because that’s not what it felt like.” You hold yourself back from rolling your eyes. “The only reason you stopped was because I managed to scratch you. You dropped me and then tried to comfort me as if you had made a mistake.” 

“But it _was_ a mistake.” 

“That time.” You cross your arms as you continue, “So the next morning at breakfast, you seemed fine… Until Tony, being Tony, made a comment about the marks on your arm. And you got so angry at me, in front of everyone, that you threw the plate.” 

He closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall. You can tell that he’s trying to piece together what he does remember. 

“You stormed off for a minute. And when you came back, you demanded that I go with you, and I did because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t.” 

It’s obvious when Steve opens his eyes and looks at you questioningly, that he doesn’t remember any of this part. 

“You cornered me in the hallway and accused me of sleeping with Tony.” Speaking softly, you shake your head. “You had no proof but, and I quote ‘ _God help you both when I catch you doing it’_. I still had no idea what had caused this and I didn’t think I needed to involve anyone else at the time. I assumed you were just upset over me hiding my training with Tony from you.” 

He makes a move as if to step closer to you, but stops, clearly thinking better of it. “It’s not that I didn’t want you training with Tony. I was just upset that you were still trying to pursue field work. You know that I know, in the end, you can do what you want. You’re your own person and no one owns you.”

You laugh humorlessly. “Well that’s funny, you seemed to think that _you_ owned me. And when I avoided you for a whole day and a half, you decided to show me that I was yours.” 

“What do you mean?” Steve asks you cautiously. 

“You were so hateful and violent that night. I was terrified of you. You hurt me more than I ever thought possible.” This time, you don’t bother to try and hide the tears. “So, when you left me there, I decided that as much as I didn’t want to involve anyone else, I needed to because I was scared that the next time, you’d kill me.” 

You watch the color drain from the man’s face as he covers his mouth in horror. There’s a part of you that can’t help but wonder what he would say if you told him the entire truth of what he did to you that night. 

“You were supposed to be gone all day,” you carry on. “Which would’ve given me plenty of time. But you and Sam got into an altercation and you came back right in the middle of me trying to talk to Tony.” 

“Oh my god…” Steve interrupts suddenly. “I slapped you.” 

You nod. “Hard enough that I fell. Tony got in front of me - “ 

He cuts you off quickly, “And I told him to put the suit on.” 

“So you do remember. Do you remember telling him to not bother with the suit, to see how long he’d last against you without it? Because I do. I’m sure he does. That’s not a threat you can forget about.” 

He shakes his head. “I don’t remember that.” 

“Do you remember what happened _after_?” 

“No.” Steve shakes his head again.

You point to the small scar on your cheek. “You hit me with your belt. You told me that all of this was my fault.” 

“Oh god. I.. please, stop.” His eyes are shining when you look into them. It’s clear that he’s fighting tears. 

“No. You didn’t give me that courtesy even though I _begged_ you to stop.” You take a step towards the large man without thinking. “The only reason you stopped that time was because Tony knocked you out.” 

“And you put me in the holding cell. I remember talking to Thor when I was behind the glass.” 

“How about talking to me?” You ask, warily. “Do you remember that?” 

Once again, Steve wordlessly shakes his head. He turns his face from yours, trying to wipe away any stray tears. 

“The things you said to me…” You stop, hearing a voice on the other side of the steel doors. 

“Hold on tight kiddos, I’m gonna figure this out.” It’s muffled, but it’s definitely Tony. _Thank goodness._

“This conversation is far from over.” You hadn’t wanted to have this talk but now that you’ve started, you need to make sure he understands what he’s done. 

He nods to you. You’re glad that he knows that this isn’t over. 

Silence falls over the small space for a moment as you both watch the doors, waiting. “I still love you with all my heart,” Steve murmurs, breaking the silence. His voice is unsteady and soft. “And I miss you. I want to make this right between us.” 

You glance over to him, taking a moment before responding. “There’s a small part of me that still loves you but right now, there is no ‘us’.” 

“Do you think we’ll ever get back to that?” He meets your gaze and it hurts to see how hopeful he is. 

“That’s an unfair question to ask me.” 

The door slides open about two feet and you can see that you are between floors. Tony pokes his head in through the two foot gap at the top and looks between you. “Everyone good?” He asks as his eyes settle on you.

“We’re okay.” Steve says, reassuringly. 

“Wasn’t asking you, big guy.” Tony replies, not moving his gaze from yours. “Are _you_ okay?” 

You let out a heavy sigh. “I would very much like to get out of here.” 

“Understood. I’m gonna hold the doors open, but Ace, he’s gonna have to lift you.” He gestures to Steve apologetically, “I’m sorry but I’m not talented enough to hold the doors and you.” 

You nod silently, logically you know you can’t make that jump. It’s too high and there’s not enough space for you to get a running start. 

Sensing your discomfort, Steve holds up his hands. “I’m just gonna boost your foot up. I promise no actual body touching and I’ll move out of the way as soon as you’ve got enough of a grip to pull yourself out.” 

This is the last thing you want but you know it’s the only option. “Fine.” You agree reluctantly. Steve nods to Tony who disappears from the opening. He bends slightly, cupping his hands together and you place your foot into it. Gently, he lifts you and you pull yourself through the opening. 

You stand once you’re fully out of the elevator and thank Tony. “All my papers…” You look down at the mess you left behind. 

“I got them, don’t worry.” He promises you with a smile. “Just get outta here. I’ll come check on you in a bit.” 

Without waiting to see Steve get out, you take off for the stairs and the safety of your room.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

It’s been about two weeks since you had gotten stuck in the elevator and you hadn’t seen Steve anywhere. Either you were really good at avoiding him or he didn’t want to see you after what you had told him. Not that you could really blame him. If the roles were reversed, you wouldn’t want to see you. 

You sigh softly as you look over the schematics for the nano-tech armor that Tony has designed for you. It’s a little out of your comfort zone with how tight it will be but you trust him when he says it will keep you safe. 

“So, you’ll use this to control it.” Tony explains, pointing his pen at a small drawing of a control panel in the arm. The way he describes the technology makes it sound like child’s play. 

“I really do appreciate this.” You smile for probably the tenth time since you entered his office. He smiles back and waves you off as he continues explaining. 

Both of you stop when loud music starts to play. You turn around, confused by the noise. “What on Earth is that?” It sounds like an old record player to you, but no one has those any more. 

“Oh that’s just the mopey zoo lion that moved in next door.” Tony sighs, sinking down into his seat. 

You raise an eyebrow as you turn back to the engineer in front of you. “What?” 

Tony is quick to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to pull up the video surveillance from Steve’s office. The footage shows him sitting at his desk, staring out the window and humming along to _You Always Hurt The Ones You Love_ \- a song that you knew well.

Muting the video, he turns to you with a sigh. “I get that he’s upset but he really doesn’t have the right to be after what he did to you.” 

“He’s allowed to be upset.” You reply, surprised by your own answer. “It’s different for him but it’s still a loss, Tony. He’s grieving.” 

Tony gestures to the side wall, a miserable expression plastered on his face. “I guess, but we share a wall...“ 

You quirk an eyebrow. “Have you not said something?” 

He raises both eyebrows in response. “Oh, I have no idea how to go about that.” 

“You could just ask him to stop.” You reason softly, fiddling with the pen closest to you.

Shaking his head, he looks back down at the schematic on the desk. “Yeah, I couldn’t do that.” 

“Would you like _me_ to?” 

Without moving his head up, he raises his eyes and smiles. “I mean… If you want to. Are you ready for that?” 

Rolling your eyes, you push yourself up and exit the office, Tony right behind you. You move the few feet down the hall to the other door and knock lightly. The music stops abruptly and you can hear footsteps approaching. 

When the door opens, Steve looks down at you, eyes rimmed red from having been crying. “Uh… Hi… What are you doing here?” The bewilderment in his voice is clearly evident. 

“What are you doing, Steven?” You ask softly, feeling very nervous now that you're standing in front of him. 

“I was just… I was listening to some music. Is it bothering you?” 

“Actually, I didn’t even,” You pause as you stumble over your words a little. “I didn’t know about this until five minutes ago.” 

Sensing your discomfort, Tony steps closer to the door, drawing Steve’s attention away from you. “So, we share a wall big guy. Can’t have you being a mopey zoo lion while I’m on the phone with the Secretary of Defense.” 

“A what?” He narrows his eyes slightly in confusion. “I didn’t realize it was that loud, I’m sorry.” 

“Honestly, it isn’t the music. I like the oldies - I mean, I talk to the two of you, don’t I?” Tony dramatically gestures between the two of you. “It’s the singing.” 

“The what?” That startles you and you turn to stare at Tony for a moment, surprise clear on your face.

“The singing, Ace, it’s bad. Like nails on a chalkboard bad.” Tony grumbles. “Serum must’ve enhanced everything but his voice, so I’m real sorry if he ever serenaded you before.” 

Steve leans away from the door, hands deep in his pockets.

Tony leans against the door frame, looking up at the larger man with a smirk. “So big guy, keep it down or I’ll have to knock you out again.” 

“He wouldn’t dare.” You gesture to Tony before turning to the other man. “And you, please don’t interrupt his work. Play your music all you want but be respectful… My office is at the end of the hall and I can’t hear it, let’s keep it that way.”

“Yes ma’am, I apologize.” Steve nods as he goes to close the door. Before he can shut it, the man stiffens and turns back to you, touching the shoulder you had shot him in. “You… You shot me. I just remembered… You _actually_ shot me.” 

When you don’t speak, Tony does. “Well _someone_ had to. It was either you or me and let’s be honest, she wasn’t the one aiming to kill.”

“I’d really rather not talk about this.” You cross your arms and take a step back. “But Steve, you left me no choice, we had no idea how far you were planning to go. I was afraid you were going to shoot Tony if I hadn't done something.” 

He glances between the two of you, shame crossing his features. “I remember everything from that day. I am so sorry. If -” He trails off as you start walking back down the hall. You can't do this, you need to walk away.

“Conversation for another day, buddy.” Tony says with a heavy sigh before he follows after you.

You settle back into your chair as he settles into his and picks up where he left off. It doesn’t take long for your mind to wander. _Why that song? Does he remember_ everything _? But why wouldn’t he say some-_

“Ace?” Tony’s voice brings you back. 

You blink and stare up at him, a bit embarrassed that he noticed you weren’t paying attention “Hmm?” 

“Where are you right now?” He tilts his head and smiles warmly. “Do you wanna put a pin in this for today?” 

“I just...” You sigh and tuck a stray curl behind your ear. “I feel like I’m ready to be around him and talk to him… Then he remembers something else and…” 

“Hey, it’s okay.” He says kindly, looking first at you then at the wall he shares with Steve’s office. “These things take time.” 

You follow his eyes, staring at the wall for a moment before peering back at him. “It’s been two months, Tony.” 

“I know, and you’ll get there. The fact that you even want to get there is progress.” He casually places his pen behind his ear then shrugs. “Two months ago, you wanted nothing to do with him, so just give yourself time.” 

It’s what you needed to hear, but not want you wanted to hear. “I really want to give you my full attention.” You slowly stand as you speak. “But I can’t right now.” 

Tony nods, tucking the blueprints back into their folder. “We’ll pick it up tomorrow.” 

Thanking him, you leave the office once more and start down the hall. You stop outside Steve’s door and bring your hand up to knock. Something inside you causes you to stop just before your fingers touch the wood. _I’m not ready. Yet._

***

A month later, you’re in the common room, music softly playing while you sit with an embroidery hoop in your lap. Behind you, Tony, Bucky, and Sam all playing cards together at the table. You can’t help the small smirk on your face, remembering how Tony swore up and down that he and Bucky would never be poker buddies. 

“Ask her, kid.” You hear Tony say. Looking up, you see Peter smiling as he makes his way over to you. 

“Hi...” Peter says softly, holding some kind of book close to his chest. “I have this project due tomorrow about World War II and the 1940’s? I was wondering…” 

As the boy trails off, you smile kindly at him. “Yes, sweetie, I’ll help you.” You set down the hoop and scoot over on the couch, giving Peter some room. He sits down quickly, opening his book up as he immediately starts asking you question after question. 

Like a blur, Steve comes rushing into the room with his belt folded over in his hand. Your eyes are fixed on the piece of leather as you remember the last time he held it that way. Instinctively, you position yourself in front of Peter. Even though you’re terrified of what Steve might do, you can’t let him hurt the teenager. 

“Uh. Mr. Stark?” Peter calls behind you, seeing your distress.

“Yeah, k-” His response dies as he turns to see Steve. In an instant, all three men are out of their chairs. Sam is quick to usher Peter out of the room while Bucky moves in closer to you.

Tony takes a few steps forward, meeting Steve before he can get to you. “Hey, Cap. Whatcha doing? We good?” 

Steve _looks_ normal, but his voice comes out rushed and full of panic. “I just need to talk to her… I… I remember.” He stares at you, eyes wide and you hate that all you can do is focus on the weapon in his hand.

“Well,” Tony suggests, extending his open palm out to Steve. “Maybe we put the belt down and we can all chat.” 

Steve stares at him for a moment, clearly confused by the words. When Tony gestures, his eyes follow to the belt and he swears softly. “I’m so sorry. I… It got torn and I took it off and I remembered. _Everything_.” 

Tony doesn’t falter. “Great… So. Put it down.” 

Apologizing once more, Steve tosses the belt away from him and looks between the three of you. “I remember that night… I just need to talk to her.” 

Tony shakes his head, folding his arms across his chest. “You don’t get -“ 

“Anthony, I’ll be fine.” You whisper. You don’t need Steve to elaborate more in front of an audience; you know _exactly_ what night he’s talking about.

“But Ace…” Tony protests. “You don’t want to -”

Your voice is soft but firm as you cut him off. “I know I don’t. But I need to. Please.” 

After taking a deep breath, Tony backs down. “Fine but we’ll be in the kitchen if you need _anything._ I’ll have F.R.I.D.A.Y. enact privacy mode in the common room. But you call for me and she’ll let me know. I’ll come running, with a suit.”

He glances over to Steve as he reaches down for the belt. “And, I’m just gonna take this with me.” 

The two men disappear into the kitchen, leaving you alone with Steve. Your heart is racing as he steps towards you. He moves to sit on one of the couches and gestures beside him. “Do you want to sit?” 

“I’d rather not.” You admit, crossing your arms. Standing gives you a better chance of escape if you need it. “I’m fine here for now. “

“I’ve been remembering bits and pieces since we got stuck.” Steve starts, eyes moving to his hands. “But today, when I was holding the belt like that… Everything from that night came rushing back. How violent I was, what I did to you? It was ra-”

You immediately cut him off. “I know what it was, you don’t have to say it.” 

He shakes his head. “I know that it doesn’t change what I did to you, but I am so sorry.”

Steve’s right, it doesn’t change anything. But hearing him admit it and take ownership of his actions gives you hope. Maybe someday you’ll be able to move on from this feeling of unease when you look at him. 

“I can’t get your terrified eyes out of my head. Hearing you beg me to stop… I just, it'll haunt me forever.” He runs both of his hands through his hair and when he looks at you again, he can’t fully meet your eyes.

“What you said to me in the elevator, that you thought I enjoyed the fact that you were afraid of me? I could feel it; the more terrified you were, the more I wanted to hurt you. The fact that I could’ve killed you? I hate that it excited me. I cut off your air without a second thought. No part of me cared about what would happen to you. Even after you passed out, I just kept on going.” 

You bite down hard on your bottom lip, willing the tears to not fall. Even though you knew he was just recounting that night, it's agonizing to hear him say that he didn’t care about what he had done to you.

“I wasn’t sure about this until now.” Steve confesses, looking through you. “But after you lost consciousness, I remember trying to fight with myself not to go through with killing you despite how much the serum wanted me to. There were these moments for me, flashes of clarity I think, before I was dragged back under the haziness.” Sniffling, he looks away and forces himself to continue. 

“That part of me knew what I was doing was wrong but my body wouldn’t listen, I was never fully in control. Whatever was in that serum was stronger than me and I couldn’t fight it.”

He looks at you then and you can see that tears are falling steadily down his cheeks. “Even though the thought of killing you excited me, I forced myself to move my hands off your throat. That’s how you got the bruises on your...” 

Moving to sit on the edge of the coffee table, you smooth down the hem of your skirt. “I know where they are.” 

“I don’t know how you can stand to look at me.” He mutters, staring at his hands. “I don’t know how _anyone_ can; I know there’s more that I don’t remember yet. And I don’t blame you for being afraid of me.” 

Steve wipes his eyes and when you stay silent, he continues. “I know that there is nothing I can say to convince you that I will _never_ hurt you like that again.” He takes a deep breath. “That’s why I’ve decided to leave the compound for awhile.” 

Your head shoots up in confusion. “What? Steve, this is your home.”

“This place?” Steve shakes his head. “This is four walls with a bed. Darling, my home is with _you._ You’re the love of my life and I swear I will spend the rest of my days proving that to you.” 

His admission isn’t new but it has a different meaning now in light of all that’s happened. His tone is sincere and filled with a promise you know he doesn’t want to break. The thought fills you with a warmth you hadn’t thought you could feel again. 

“I can go to the tower downtown.” You open your mouth to protest but he holds up a hand so he can continue. “It’s fully equipped; I have an office there and it’s not too far if the team needs me.”

The thought of him leaving never crossed your mind and now, you’re not sure this is what you want. “Is this really what you want?” You ask quietly.

“It’s not about what I want. This is about you.” He leans forward and meets your eyes intently. “You can’t heal if I’m constantly around. At least, not the way you need to.” 

Fresh tears spill down your cheeks and all you can do is nod.

“After what I put you through, let me do this one thing right.” He pleads gently. “It’s not forever. But I need to give you space.”

Standing, he gently cups your cheek with his hand and runs his thumb against your skin, wiping away your tears. The tenderness of the action surprises you but you don’t pull away. Before you can fully react to it, his hand is gone and you hastily wipe away the rest of your tears.

When you finally stand, Steve is already gone from the room. Tony’s voice grounds you and you glance in his direction. “Ace, I’m gonna go and see what he needs, okay? Barnes will stay with you, I’ll be right back.”

You can only stare at him as he goes. You hear footsteps behind you and turn to meet Bucky’s concerned eyes. “Are you alright?” He asks delicately, resting his hand on your shoulder. “What happened? What did he remember?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it again James, but I think I’ll be okay.” You say softly, touching where his hand had just been. _He touched my cheek and I didn’t flinch._ A small smile starts to form on your lips when you ask him to help you to your room.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

Sitting in your office the morning Steve is due to leave, you wonder if you should say goodbye to him. In the few days since your conversation in the common room, you’ve neither seen or spoken with him. 

You think back to multiple instances when you’d had disagreements with him in the past. No matter the circumstance, you always put it aside to see him off safely. But this time it’s different. Steve’s not going off to war, he’s leaving because he hurt you. 

_Do I even_ want _to see him?_ You wonder idly. _I don’t know, maybe I just head in the direction of the hangar. If I see him, then so be it._

With your mind made up, you quickly tidy the folders on your desk and make your way down the hallway. When you hear two voices in Tony’s office, deep in discussion, you slow to make sure he doesn’t need anything. You make a full stop however, when you recognize Steve as one of those voices. 

“I know we have some bad blood after what happened, Tony.” You hear him pause. “I don’t know what I have to do, but I will earn back your trust.”

“Look Cap, you and I have had scrapes before.” Tony’s voice has a hardened edge to it but you can’t see if he’s angry. “We’ll be fine, it’s just gonna take time. You holding that gun to my head is _a lot_ different than what happened in Siberia. That time, you weren’t _actually_ trying to kill me.”

You can hear Steve’s heavy sigh. “I know, Tony. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I know you are.” Tony stops and you can hear paper rustling. “Like I said, give me some time and we’ll be okay. If we need you, I’ll call you.”

“Are you sure that -”

“Go, Steve. I handled my own company, I can handle this.”

You hear the sound of canvas scraping the floor, most likely Steve’s sea bag. There’s a few footsteps followed by his voice, softer than before. “Tony? Take care of my girl while I’m gone, keep her safe?”

“That’s not even something you have to ask Cap. Of course I will.” The edge in Tony’s voice is gone, replaced by a kinder tone.

“Thank you, really. I know she doesn’t believe it right now but she’s the love of my life. I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to her while I was away.”

“Time, Cap. Ace needs time. We _all_ do. Now go, let Barnes know when you land.” You hear more footsteps as both men near the door and you duck into the first unlocked room. Which of course, just happens to be a broom closet. 

_Hiding in a closet, instead of facing him. Y_ ou sigh as you wait to hear the footsteps retreat. _How did I get here?_

***

Close to two months after Steve has left, you continue with your duties around the compound. You help the team whenever possible but it feels empty, meaningless somehow. Most of your free time is spent in your suite, either with a book or the radio. Anything that can keep your mind from drifting to everything that's happened. 

Sighing softly, you set down your wine glass as you turn the page of the file you took with you. You know you aren't really paying attention to it when you keep rereading the same sentence. You look up from the words when you hear a soft knock at your door. You aren’t expecting anyone so you instinctively feel nervous.

Standing, you move to the door and open it. “Tony?” You ask, confused by his expression.

Tony looks nervous when he meets your eyes. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he sighs before letting his words tumble from his mouth. “Hey Ace, so… Listen, no one’s starving but ya know… Just wanted to make sure you were okay because you haven’t cooked dinner in a few days.” 

You blink quickly, startled by his statement. “I’m so sorry, it must’ve slipped my mind.” You set the file down on the counter close to you. “I’ll get something started.” 

“No, no that’s not what I meant.” He gestures towards your couch. You nod, letting him into the room. “I’m just worried, you’ve been different since Steve left.” 

This is not what you expected from him. Silently, you follow him to the couch.

Tony watches you as he settles into the cushions and crosses his arms against his chest. “When’s the last time you were in the workshop?” 

You answer without thinking. “I was just there.” 

“Ace, it’s been three weeks.” He points out kindly. “You enjoy proving to me daily that you’re brilliant. So when I don’t see you, I know something’s up.” 

“I… I didn’t realize.” You look down and fiddle with the hem of your skirt.

“Obviously.” 

You glance up sharply when he gives you the sarcastic response. “ _Anthony_.” 

“Don’t _‘Anthony’_ me. You go to your office, go out on retrieval, then sit in your room. That can’t be healthy.” He reaches his hand out for your arm. ”I know that Cap left to help you heal but can you honestly say that it’s helping? Because I know this separation isn’t good for him, he’s just mindlessly going through the motions and I think you’re doing the same.” 

_Mindlessly? What is that supposed to mean? This was all Steve’s idea…_

“And in this business,” he continues, driving home his point. “Autopilot is dangerous. For both of you.” 

He’s right, you know how easy it is to get injured if your head isn't one hundred percent in the game- especially out in the field. But what does he want you to do? “I…. What do you want from me, Tony?” 

He looks at you like the answer should be obvious. “I want my friend back, Ace.” 

Of course, he misses Steve _. I’m only in the way of that too._

“Who else is going to school me on nano-tech without _actually_ knowing what it is?” 

“Oh.” Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “You meant _me_.” 

“Yeah. _You_.” Tony smiles at you fondly. “The Captain and I have our share of issues. I mean, we’ve had more than one blowout already. But we always work it out; him and I are gonna be fine.” His reassuring tone is somehow exactly what you need to hear. “But you Ace…” 

_Here it comes._

“You brought a light to this place and since he left, it’s like he took it with him.” _Oh._ You hadn’t been expecting that. You hadn’t realized that this had affected everyone as much as it has affected you. You find yourself warmed by the realization that you really _do_ belong here.

“I shouldn’t care that Steve’s gone.” You confess softly. “I shouldn’t miss him…” 

“But you do and that’s okay.” 

“Is it though?” You laugh bitterly. “I should hate him, and even though I’m still scared, I miss him more than anything.” 

Tony gives you a quick shake of his head. “He didn’t put me through this so ultimately, I can’t tell you what to do.” He hesitates before speaking again. 

“But I’ve seen him and I know the man pretty well. He’s a mess, Ace. He’s broken without you and I think you are too. And look, it’s not on you to put Cap back together. You only need to focus on putting _yourself_ back together. But, I think you might need each other to do that.”

You smile at him and cover his hand with your smaller one. “You should let more people see how wise you are Anthony.”

He shrugs at your compliment. “I’m just saying Ace, he’s a grown man and he’s dealing with his mistakes. And you are one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. But I think you might heal better, if you tried to do this together.”

You find yourself silent at his words and from the look on his face, you know he can tell your mind is racing.

Suddenly, Tony jumps up, startling you. “Oo! I got an idea on how to get you to smile!’ He grins as he heads for the door. “I’ll be back tomorrow, don’t go anywhere!”

You’re left sitting on your couch, more confused than when he arrived.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

“Ma’am?” F.R.I.D.A.Y. 's voice rings through your office. “Mr. Stark is requesting that you come down to the common area.”

You don’t look up as you continue clicking away at your Underwood. “Can it wait? I’m in the middle of this report.”

“I’m afraid not.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. responds. “He told me to tell you it was an emergency.”

 _Of course it is._ Sighing, you finish your sentence and pull the sheet from the paper rest of your typewriter. “Please tell him I’ll be right down.”

Standing, you push your chair in and head in his direction.

When you open the door to the common room, you see Tony gesturing excitedly to two large metal footlockers on either side of him. “Look what I got!”

“Anthony, those are trunks.” You point out, crossing your arms.

“Yeah,” he responds with a wide smile. “I know.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Are there people locked _inside_ of those trunks?”

He scrunches his face in confusion. “No?”

“Then _this_ ,” you explain slowly as if speaking to a child, “is _not_ an emergency.” Turning back toward the door, you call over your shoulder. “I have work to do.”

“Wait!” He calls, sounding slightly deflated. “These were my father’s.” 

You turn back around with a heavy sigh. “And?” 

“Okay, so this one,” Tony points to the one on his left. “Has Howard’s initials. And this one,” his hand moves to the one at his right, “Has S.S.R. You just kinda disappeared, your stuff had to go somewhere, and if you guys were close, he might’ve kept some of it.” 

“You…. You are too much right now, but I do appreciate this.” You smile warmly at him. He may be acting like an excited puppy, but you know he did this to cheer you up. “I will go through these with you but I’m gonna need a glass or two of wine.” 

He nods excitedly. “Red or white!”

“Surprise me.” You watch him hurry off to the kitchen as you settle down onto the couch. Within minutes, he returns with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon along with two glasses. 

“This is really exciting!” He smiles as he pours the wine into both glasses. “It’s like opening a time capsule. Your history could be in here.” 

“Wow." You laugh, holding out your hand. "You are so much like your father sometimes.” 

He makes a face as he hands you a glass. “Nuh uh.” 

“Oh yes.” You smile, enjoying his reaction. “ _Howard_ is currently sitting in front of me.” 

He presses his hand to his chest in mock offense. “ _Language_.”

“Stop pouting and open the trunks, please.” 

Tony hands you his glass for a moment before throwing open both lids with a dramatic “Ta Da!” 

Shaking your head, you hand the glass back and peer into the trunk with Howard’s initials on it. Inside, there are stacks of letters tied with ribbon, old photo albums, a couple shoe boxes as well as books and newspaper clippings.

As you move aside the books, you recognize a few articles of your own clothing. But more importantly, you see the stuffed bear that you had won for Steve. 

“These are all mine…” You breathe softly, smiling when you realize that after you went missing, Howard must have collected the things that he knew meant something to you and kept them safe.

Confusion passes across Tony’s face. “Wait, _everything_ in this trunk is yours?”

You pick up one of the books, looking it over. “Well those are certainly my dresses and that’s the bear I won for Steve on our second date.” Flipping it open, you hold it out to Tony. “And these are definitely mine. Look, there’s even my notes in them.” 

“I want to hear more about you winning that bear,” He says, taking the book from you. “But I’m just gonna say it- why would he keep _all_ your things? I figured maybe there would be like a few pictures or mementos. It’s a little weird, Ace.” 

“We only dated for three months.” You murmur quietly, distractedly reaching your hand into the trunk for a photo album. “But you know we had been friends for years before that, so to me it’s not _that_ weird. I mean, Howard was the one who recruited me.” 

Tony drops the book from his hands. “Wait… Three _months_?! You said three _dates_!”

You shrug slightly, not meeting his eyes as you open the photo album. The first pictures are of you and your best friend, a distraction that you're thankful for. “You just seemed so bothered by the idea that I may have fibbed a bit. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable” 

“I… You… That’s not a fib!” He stutters, pointing dramatically in your direction. “That’s a boldfaced lie. Liar.” 

“Oh Anthony, don’t be so dramatic.” You sigh heavily. “It’s not like I said yes when he proposed.” 

Tony shudders involuntarily. “When he… _proposed_?” You hide your smile with your hand when his last word comes out higher than you thought possible. “When did he do that? _Why_ did he do that…. Why?” 

“What do you mean, why?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, you’re lovely and you would’ve made a great mom.” He waves his hand dismissively. “It’s just… _Three months_?” 

“I had lost everyone and Howard was the only constant in my life. He had flirted with me for years, and I'll admit I had a bit of a crush, but my heart always belonged to Steve. Howard knew that.” You continue to flip through the album in your hands. “After we lost Steve, the first couple dates were really just companionship. But after a while I felt like I could see myself building some kind of life with your father.” 

You snap the book shut and a single photograph slides out, landing by Tony’s leg. “But I never felt for him what I felt for Steve and I knew it wasn’t fair to either of us if I said yes.” 

Tony picks up the photo as he goes to speak, “My God, Ace. Does Cap know?” 

“Of course not.” You turn to the trunk, grabbing one of the shoe boxes. “And that’s how it’s going to stay. Understand me?” When you’re met with silence, you look up at him. He’s staring at the photograph in his hands with wide eyes. “Anthony? What’s wrong with you?” 

“Uh… Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. You’re…. I’m… I’m a hundred percent fine.” His eyes are focused on the picture in his hand as he speaks. “Maybe you go through the rest of these and I… I take a break.” 

“This was your idea.” You say, holding out your open palm. “What’s in your hand, Anthony?” 

His eyes dart between you and the photo. “Uh… It’s a picture.” 

“ _Obviously_.” Rolling your eyes, you reach out to take the photo from him. 

You take a sharp inhalation of breath when you see yourself kneeling on a blanket, clad only in a polka dot bikini. You remember this day. You had wanted to do something special for Steve’s birthday and Dot had suggested getting professional photos taken for him.

It wasn’t an expense you would have ordinarily supported but with the photographer being a good friend of Dot’s, you had gotten a them for a steal. You had felt a little silly at first, taking pictures like this but you knew he’d love them. Especially since you took a few different ones. 

“These were not meant for your eyes.” You tell him, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

Tony stares up at you in disbelief. “These?! How many are there? Whose eyes were they meant for? Not my father… Please don’t say my father.” 

“No, not for your father.” Leaning forward, you start digging into the contents of the trunk. “They gotta be here somewhere... Ah! Here.” 

You hand him the small photo book you’ve found, open to the page of you wearing nothing but Steve’s shield and helmet. 

“Wait…” He stares at the picture with wide eyes. “Are you wearing _anything_ under that?!” 

“No.” You quickly shut the book. “That’s why I said, not meant for your eyes. Clearly, it was meant for Steve.”

“I mean… Wow… Like if I wasn’t basically a married man… And you weren’t pushing a hundred…” 

You glare at him, putting the book back into the trunk. “ _Anthony_!”

“I’m just saying…” He smiles, glancing up at you again. “You look good. Old guy’s got taste.” He raises his eyebrows. “Both of ‘em.” 

“I’m done with this conversation.” Shaking your head, you let out a sigh. 

He shrugs. “All I’m saying is you should be flattered. I mean, I get it now. No _wonder_ he thought we were sleeping together… I mean, if I had known what you were working with...” 

Closing your eyes, you groan softly. “Please, leave.” 

“I’m kidding, Ace.” He throws his hands up in defeat. “I’m kidding. Half kidding. But! I do have a few things to follow up on for our fearless leader.” He stands and makes his way to the doorway. “Holler if you need anything. There’s more wine in the kitchen if you come across any other spectacular secrets in those things.” 

“ _Goodbye_ , Anthony.” You dismiss him flatly but you find you can’t _really_ be upset with him. “But, thank you for this.” 

Tony spins around in the doorway. “What are friends for?” With a grin, he turns back, disappearing from the room. 


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

You aren’t sure how long you’ve spent sifting through letters and photos, but from the mess you’ve created around the trunks, it has to have been hours. You reach back into the trunk with Howard’s initials and pull out a small stack wrapped in a silk handkerchief. Without unwrapping them, you know what they are. 

With shaking hands, you slowly unwrap the letters and pull one from the stack. You smile as you reread the words that you had written so many years ago. Putting it down, you thumb through the others. There has to be months of correspondence here. 

You pick up one from the end of January, about a month and a half before Steve disappeared. Realizing this is one of the last letters you received from him before going into the ice, you read it out loud to fill the heavy silence in the empty room. 

_January 28, 1945_

_My dearest love,_

_I wish I could’ve been there to see Howard’s face when you shot at him. If anyone can teach him a thing or two, it’s you. At least you know that the shield can be made of titanium if it needed to be. I can’t see you right now but I can picture how you are. The way you probably smiled, your nose crinkling as you laughed at him._

_I_ _miss you more than I can put into words but with the way that men are dying out here, I am eternally grateful that you were not allowed to stay with me. I can’t begin to imagine what would have happened if I were to lose you too. Send my love to Dot, I hope she’s doing okay._

_I’ll be home before we know it, and yes, I promise to take you dancing. I love you, never forget that. You are my strength and my courage in this place. Darling, your love makes me see life differently._

_With all my love,_

_Steve_

  
  


“-my courage in this place. Darling, your love makes me see life differently.” Steve finishes the letter from the doorway, reciting it from memory with a soft, fervent tone.

You hastily wipe away a few stray tears and look up in surprise. “I didn’t mean to startle you, I just… I remember writing that to you. I remember laughing when I read about you shooting Howard. No one else would have the guts to -” He smiles at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling before his expression becomes somber again. “I’m sorry, I can go if you want.” 

“No.” You gesture to the other trunk beside you. “This one’s got some of your things in it and Tony left behind a wine glass.” 

He steps into the room, nervous and somehow hopeful at the same time. “Are you sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“If I wasn’t sure, I wouldn’t have suggested it. Sit.” You tell him, with more bite than you intended. Softening, you try again. “ _Please_ sit.” 

Settling into one of the armchairs, Steve effortlessly pulls the S.S.R. trunk over to him with one hand. 

“Such a show off.” You joke without thinking, a small smile tugging at your lips. 

“What?” He glances at you, surprise flitting across his face. 

“You. You’re such a show off, pulling that thing over to you like that.” You gesture to the large metal trunk. “I know it’s heavy.” 

Steve laughs softly. “Yeah, but I -” He closes his mouth as if realizing that he was about to say something he shouldn’t. “You’re right. It _is_ heavy.” 

Mentally acknowledging that this is uncharted territory for both of you, you let it go. “I only glanced in there.” You point to the trunk beside him. “There’s a few of my uniforms and a couple of yours but I didn’t get beyond that.” 

“Tony told me that he had these trunks.” He leans in and pulls out his issued Ike jacket and places it next to him on the arm of the chair. “But why did he bring them here?” 

You shrug, not wanting to get into the specifics of your conversation with Tony. “For me, I guess.” 

“For you?” 

“Uh… Yeah,” You gesture to the mess surrounding you on the floor. “Howard kept some of my things and Tony found them. He wanted me to have them so I could feel more at home here rather than like I’m just borrowing someone else’s space.” 

His hand stills on whatever he’s about to pick up. “Of course this is your home.” He leans back and appraises you kindly. “That’s why I left. I wanted you to feel safe here again.” 

“You have no idea how much that means to me.” You say softly. “But this is your home too.”

“You’re my home, sweetheart.” Steve’s hand moves to a taped up piece of paper. “What’s this?” He chuckles. “Darling, did you get mad at me for something?” 

In his hand is a letter your father had found and ripped up in front of you. It had been one of your favorites to re-read after Steve’s disappearance. His words had been so soft and sweet. You would rather not remember that day, it was one of the last confrontations you had to have with your father; you shudder involuntarily at the memory. 

“Of course not.” You snap, without meaning to. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

Steve looks up, surprise briefly flitting across his face. He schools his features into a cool mask of indifference. “It’s alright, we don’t have to.” 

Before you can say anything in response, Steve grabs the bear that you had won for him and grins, all traces of his earlier indifference gone. “Do you remember this?” He asks, turning it to face you. 

“I do.” You glance at him quickly before settling your eyes on the bear in his hand. “I could’ve won it on the first try if it hadn’t been so cold out.” 

“I knew then that I loved you.” He admits softly. “It was our what, second date? But I knew. I knew that wherever my home was, it was going to be with you.”

“Steve…” You start, unsure of what to say.

Setting the bear down, he holds up his hand. “I know, I know. I can’t help reminiscing a bit.” He gestures to the floor. “Our whole story is here.”

“I wasn’t going to stop you.” You say, surprising both of you. “It’s just all… It’s confusing for me. I still love you with all of my heart but you broke every promise you’ve ever made to me in such a short time. And I’m terrified of what might happen in the future.” 

“If I had a way to go back… If I could erase...“ He stops and shakes his head. “I can’t undo what I did to you. I know that. But please believe me when I say that I love you. I will spend the rest of my days proving that to you, even if your future isn’t with me.”

You don’t know what to say to that so you say nothing. Instead, you focus on the journals that are sitting at your side. You lean back against the couch and flip through the pages while Steve silently goes through the large S.S.R. chest. 

Close to twenty minutes later, he swears softly, holding a small box in his hand. You look up at him, raising an eyebrow. Scooting closer, you rest your hand on his knee while the other moves to his wrist, bringing it down so you can see. The motion surprises you both, but neither of you pull away. 

“What is that?” You ask, even though it’s obviously a ring box. 

He opens the box to show you a small square cut diamond placed into a simple raised setting. The sides are filigreed with three small swirls. “I can’t believe that Howard kept this.” 

“Who was it for?” You ask, staring at the ring in wonder. It’s a beautiful piece of jewelry, but too classic to be anything of Howard’s.

Steve peers at you sheepishly. “Well… You.” 

_That’s not the ring Howard proposed with._ “For me?” 

“Yeah.” He smiles. “I asked Howard to hold onto it when I knew I wouldn’t get to spend Valentine’s Day with you. I intended to propose to you when I came home from the war.” 

“What?” 

He stares down at you intently. “I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

“You have no idea how much I wanted that too.” Looking down, you whisper sadly. “I wanted to have a family with you and grow old together.” There were so many things that you had wanted with him that now you feel cheated for not being able to.

He lifts your chin with his finger. “We still can.” 

“Can we?” You ask in disbelief. 

His gaze is soft when he speaks. “Of course, darling.” 

“How, Steve?” The words come out more hopeful than you meant them to but if you’re being honest with yourself, hope is exactly what you’re feeling. 

“We take this one day at a time.” He places his free hand on top of yours. “If we can survive WWII _and_ being frozen for seventy years, we can get through this. Together.” 

“Together?” You ask, remembering Tony’s word from a day ago. _I think you might heal better, if you tried to do this together._ “Steve, how do we even -”

Steve cuts you off, excitement in his voice. “We start small. Maybe.. Maybe I take you out to dinner? In the city, like a real date. Just you and I.” He sees your nervous expression, even though you try to mask it. “Or. Or we can do it right here. We could just have dinner here, nice and casual.” 

“I.. I think I’d like that.” You look up with a soft smile. _Start small._

“Okay, so when do you wanna do this?” He stands and helps you to your feet. “We can do it whenever you feel comfortable, completely -” 

It’s your turn to cut him off. “Tomorrow.” 

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Tomorrow? Okay, we can do it tomorrow.” You can’t help thinking the enthusiasm on his face is charming and you find it’s a welcome feeling. “I’ll go back to the tower and make some arrangements. Then I can come and pick you up at your door around 1900h?” 

“You’re going to go back to the tower? Steve, that’s silly. It’s a waste of fuel for you to fly back and forth like that.” You realize how you sound and try to reel yourself back in. “But of course, if you have things there that you need, by all means fly back there.” 

“No, no.” He assures you, glancing down to the mess on the floor. “I have things here.” 

“Are you sure?” 

He nods. “Are you comfortable with me staying here?” 

“I’ll be fine.” You assure him as you bend down to gather some of the photos from the floor.

“Let me help you.” He offers, leaning over to pick up his old jacket from the arm of the chair. “I made half this mess, it’ll be faster.”

Shaking your head, you let him do it without a word. The two of you clean in silence for a few minutes. 

“Okay.” His expression is wistful as he straightens up. “Until tomorrow then?” 

You nod, eyes moving to the trunks in front of you. “Oh!” You look up as he’s halfway to the door. “Steve, wait.” He turns around quickly as you pick up the photos you had professionally taken for him. “These were yours.” You say gently. “You should have them.”

“I… you’re positive?” Steve stammers, reaching out to take the small booklet from you. 

You nod wordlessly as you pick up the bear from the table.

He holds onto them as he smiles brightly. “Thank you.” It’s obvious by the look in his eyes that he's thanking you for a lot more than just the photographs. 

“Until tomorrow.” You smile softly at him as he turns and walks from the room.


	30. Chapter Thirty

You’ve been anxious all day waiting for your date with Steve. You haven’t been able to concentrate on anything else. When the time finally arrives, you wait by the door, expectantly. Nervously, you smooth out your dress, a soft grey and blue plaid number with a full skirt and double check yourself in the mirror. Soft curls frame your face and a muted rose lipstick finishes what you hope is a perfect look for a first date in this day and age.

You watch the minutes tick by slowly. Steve is more than ten minutes late, something that is very unlike him. When the clock reaches quarter past the hour, you huff in annoyance and head to find him.  _ There’s no way he’d stand me up… Not after everything he already put me through. _

When you near the kitchen, you hear a shout of frustration causing you to hurry along and discover the source. Rounding the corner, you stop short. Of all the things you expected to see, this is not one of them. Smoke wafts in your direction, followed by a clean shaven, clearly distraught Steve Rogers. Wiping something onto the apron tied around his waist, he glances up and freezes when he sees you.

“Oh I’m late.” He blurts out. “I’m so sorry… Wow, you look really beautiful... I was just trying to finish up, and then it started smoking and I just wanted to clean up the mess before you saw it.” 

You can’t help but let your eyes wander over the countertops. Calling what he created ‘a mess’ was putting it politely. The entire kitchen looked like England in the middle of the Blitz. “What were you trying to make?” 

“Uh… Prosciutto wrapped chicken with parmesan risotto. I found the recipe in one of the books.” He gestures over to the stack of cookbooks he had clearly found somewhere hidden in the depths of the kitchen. 

You survey the damage as you walk over to the counter where the offending cookbook lays open. “I assumed when you said dinner here, you meant that you’d get takeout. Or something...” You trail off mildly annoyed. You close the book and read the title. “What made you decide to attempt a recipe from this book? You can’t even speak Italian.” 

He grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. helped me. She ordered the things I’d need and then she translated the recipe for me.” He glances around. “Although, clearly, we got lost in translation.” 

“Okay…” You reach into one of the drawers and pull out an apron for yourself. “Let me see what I can do to fix this.” It really was sweet of him to try and cook for you but you thought he would’ve learned not to long ago. 

Nodding, Steve steps back from the stove to give you room and immediately begins cleaning up his mess. “I’m not sure what’s left for stuff…” He says softly, glancing over as you pull pots and pans from the burners. 

“It’s fine.” You promise. The kitchen is well stocked so you aren’t really worried. “Can you get me the chicken breasts that are in the refrigerator?” 

He nods again, getting the ingredients as you ask for them. It doesn’t take you long before you’re pulling off your apron and plating up a meal for the two of you. Pulling off his own apron, Steve moves the plates to the table and pours you each a glass of wine. You thank him as he pushes in your seat. 

“This looks way better than anything I could ever make.” He smiles, settling down into his own chair. 

You give him a small smile, picking up your fork. “It’s nothing really even though I know it’s not as grand as what you had in mind.”

The minutes pass painfully slow and you find yourself glancing at the clock more than once. In the kitchen, things had been so easy and effortless, and now it was just awkward. You can tell just by watching him that he’s feeling it too. Finally you can’t stand the silence any longer and set down your fork, gesturing to your own face. “What made you decide to shave?” 

“Oh… Uh.” Steve looks surprised at your sudden question. “I just thought that you wouldn’t want to see the beard again. After what happened… I just thought it might hold some bad memories.” 

You shake your head. While the gesture is very sweet, you don’t like it. It took you a bit to get used to the beard but now you prefer him with it. “I liked it.” 

He sets down his fork and stares at you. “Really?” 

“Yes.” You smile, watching his face light up. “I enjoyed the beard, Steven. Please grow it back.” 

“You got it!” He excitedly grabs for his fork again and before he can stop it, his arm knocks over the wine glass closest to him. You watch it fall without issue but the sound of the shattering glass illicits a panic in you that you weren’t expecting. Without realizing it, you must have caught your foot around one of the legs of the chair; too quickly, you try to rise from your seat. Instead of the clean getaway you were expecting, you tumble to the ground and skittishly look up.*

Before you can push yourself off the floor, you see Steve push his chair back and stand quickly, causing the table to shake. As the dishes rattle above you, your mind races with thoughts of that first night. He must be able to read your expression and sense your complete panic. You watch as he takes a step back and crouches down low to be at the same level as you. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, placing his hands in front of his body, where you can clearly see them. His voice is soft and purposefully low. 

“I think so,” You answer lightly, trying to quiet the anxiety in your head. “I just scared myself.” 

“You didn’t scare yourself... “ He says, looking confused. “That was too intense of a reaction.” 

You can’t help the frustration that colors your words now. “I just need _a_ _minute_.” 

“Okay?” Steve leans forward and starts picking up the larger pieces of broken glass, setting them on the table. He watches you warily as you try to steady your breathing. “Oh my god.” He says suddenly. “O-okay… I understand.” 

Gently, Steve extends his hand to you, offering his assistance. Neither of you get the chance to stand before you hear movement by the door. Bucky freezes when he catches you both staring at him.

“Oh hey guys!” He laughs awkwardly before grabbing a bottle off of the counter. “I just needed this.” 

Steve squints to read the tiny label. “You just needed some... Basting oil?” 

Shrugging, Bucky glances down to the bottle. “Uh yeah…” 

“James,” You say, rolling your eyes. “Please tell Tony that I’m fine. I just scared myself.” 

“Tony didn’t send me down here. I really did need this,” Once again, Bucky looks to the bottle in his hand. “This basting oil.” 

“For what?” Steve asks, clearly not believing a word the other man is saying.

Without looking away from either of you, he begins to back out of the room. “Massages.” 

“What are you massaging?” You ask, hiding a laugh. “A turkey?” 

Bucky is through the door before you hear him call out, “Sometimes.”

You roll your eyes once more and glance at Steve. “He’s  _ your _ friend.” 

“With a reaction time like  _ that _ ,” He points out with a smile. “An argument could be made that he’s more  _ your _ friend. The whole team is at this point.” 

“I swear to you,” You promise as you push yourself up off the floor. “I didn’t ask for this.” 

“It’s fine, I’m not mad about it.” He stands, shrugging casually. “In all seriousness, I’m glad they’re looking out for you.” 

“Me too.” You reply, dusting off the skirt of your dress. “It was kind of necessary for a while but I’m glad to know they still care.”

He looks away from you then, melancolia passing across his handsome face. “Of course they do.” 

Picking up the glass off the table, he heads to the trash can. “They wouldn’t have protected you from a monster if they didn’t care about you.” Apologetically, Steve turns to face you. “I’m sorry I ruined this.” 

“You didn’t ruin tonight.” You say, choosing your words carefully. “I’m okay, we had a great dinner and we even got to witness the Awkward Bucky Barnes show.” 

Steve laughs when he realizes you’re trying to make a joke and lighten the mood. “I swear he wasn’t like this before the war.” 

“I know!” You gesture wildly. “I keep telling people that but no one believes me.” 

“No one believes you?” He laughs. “But to be fair, sweetheart, we’ve got about eighty years of history over the rest of the team. Peter still thinks of him as the plum guy.” 

His genuine laughter makes your heart swell and you find that you have no desire for the date to be over just yet. “Should we take a walk?” You suggest mildly, looking out the window.

“Out… Outside?” 

You point up to one of the security cameras. “Sure. I’m covered if something happens.”** 

Steve follows your finger and nods, leading you from the common room. “Good point.” 

Once outside, the topics of conversation easily drifts from the day to day antics of the team to what he’s been doing to keep busy. He makes more than a few jokes and you giggle each time, remembering how easily he could make you laugh. The banter is light and comfortable between you and for the first time in months, you feel whole again. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” You admit hesitantly. “I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do this again.” 

He stops and turns to face you. “You have no idea how afraid I was that you wouldn’t  _ want _ this again. I’ve missed you more than I can say. Sweetheart, I love you.”

“I… I don’t think that I’m fully there yet.” Looking up into his cobalt eyes, you give a small smile. “But with time, I think I will be.” 

“I will wait forever if that’s what you need.” Steve smiles reassuringly and continues the casual conversation with genuine curiosity. “So, how are your missions going?” 

“Honestly, really well.” You answer easily. Retrieval and missions have become one of your favorite aspects of being alive in this time. You’re happy to be able to contribute to the team the way that you are. 

He nods, hoping for more information from you. “Who goes with you? You don’t go alone do you?” He looks at your furrowed brow. “Not that you’re not capable-"

“It depends on the mission itself.” You explain cutting him off. “If I need history on Hydra or the Soviet Union, I usually bring James. If I need to get in somewhere using force or nano-tech, I bring Tony. I have my own tech now and he’s been showing me how to use it.” Steve’s eyebrows shoot up but wisely, he stays silent. “And if the mission requires more stealth, I bring Natasha with me.”

“Wow… You really integrated yourself into the team, haven’t you?” 

“Well, of course.” You answer with a shrug. “I work with them every day, they’re my family here.” 

“Good. Good.” Leading you back towards the doors, he says casually. “I’m really happy for you darling.” 

You fall into silence for a few moments until he blurts out of nowhere, “So Tony made you your own tech huh?” He feigns indifference but you can tell the question has been running through his mind. “Like what are we talking? Some enhanced weapons or something?”

“Or something.” You say as you purposely glance away from him.

“What do you mean?” 

Turning back to him, you gently touch his forearm. “I had a really good time tonight, let’s not ruin it by answering that.” 

“Oh god, he made you a whole suit, didn’t he?” As the two of you walk along the halls, heading towards your room, you peer up at him when he asks. He looks angry but you can’t tell if it’s you or the situation he’s reacting to.

“Steve, please don’t dwell on it.” You can hear your voice jumping a bit higher. “You’re not going to do anything but make yourself upset. And I don’t want you to get angry at me.”

“I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at-” Seeing your panicked face, he stops mid sentence. He sucks in a breath before starting again. “I’m not angry. I wish Tony had told me, but I’m not angry.” His gaze softens when he looks at you. “I understand why he didn’t and I certainly understand why he wanted you to have that kind of protection. I’m sure it had less to do with missions and more to do with me.”

“Steve,” You say softly. “I wasn’t trying to upset you or hide things from you. I’m sorry. There hasn’t been much communication between us and,” 

As you reach your door, you look up at him. “Hey, you don’t need to apologize to me for anything.” He hesitantly runs his thumb over your cheek. “And you certainly don’t owe me any kind of explanation. You do what you have to. This will take time.”

“Thank you,” You murmur. “I had a good time tonight.” Opening your door, you stand in the entrance way.

“So did I.” He agrees. “Thank you for giving me this chance. It means more than you know.”

“Of course, Steve.” You both linger for a few seconds before you whisper goodnight and shut the door.

Leaning against the door, your curse yourself for not doing what you wanted to.  _ What’s wrong with me? I should have kissed him. I wanted to since he messed up dinner.  _ Without a second thought, you fling open your door to find Steve still standing there, hand raised to knock.

“You didn’t leave…” 

“I’d never leave my best girl.” 

“Do you promise?” You ask softly, meeting his eyes.

Instead of answering, he gently lifts your chin up and steps closer to you, your bodies almost touching. You tense for a brief moment as he lowers his lips to yours. You can feel your heart start to race uncomfortably when his other hand moves from your line of vision. Your mind flashes back to that first night and you start to panic, thinking that he’s going to push you against the wall and aggressively claim your lips the way he did then.

Instead, Steve gently touches your waist and stops just before his lips touch yours. He waits for your approval, searching your eyes for any indication that you don’t want this. You close your eyes, and your hands move from your sides to his chest. 

He leans forward, gently closing the distance left between you. His kiss is soft and hesitant, seeming to ask permission and forgiveness all at once, and you feel yourself slowly start to relax. You part your lips, allowing him to deepen the kiss with a soft sigh. Moving your fingers into his hair, you pull him a little closer to you.

You softly murmur his name between breaths, granting him the atonement he seeks. Each time he whispers your name, it’s like he’s trying to erase all the harm he’s done and with each whispered word, it’s a little easier. 

With desire clear in his eyes, he pulls away from you, trying to collect himself. “I’d like to do this again.” He says, chest still heaving when he speaks.

You smile up at him. “The date or the kiss?”

He stares at you hesitantly. “Well, that’s entirely up to you.” 

You pretend to consider your options before smiling once again. “Both are good.” 

“Yeah?” Steve’s face lights up for the second time tonight and you feel a thrill of joy that you’re the reason. 

“Yes. How about tomorrow night? Maybe we can leave the compound this time.”

He leans forward to kiss your cheek. “Anything for the most beautiful dame in the world.”

After you exchange goodnights once more, you shut your door and are excited to discover that you can’t wait to see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *  
> Tony, Sam, Bucky, Nat watching the date through security feed in Tony's office.  
> Tony: Someone get down there now. It's about to go south real quick.  
> Nat: Barnes, you go. You're friends with them both.   
> Bucky: They're gonna know you sent me and they wont be pleased.  
> Sam and Tony: Just go
> 
> **  
> All four arguing about Bucky's wonderful performance in the common room  
> Bucky: What did you expect from me? You sent me down there with nothing so I improvised! I grabbed the first thing I saw!  
> Nat: And basting oil was the first? Barnes there were bottles of wine everywhere.   
> Sam: I should've gone. Old man can't hang, I am Barry White smooth - I would've made it in and out without being noticed.  
> Tony: Woulda, shoulda, coulda Wilson.   
> They all gets distracted by reader saying "I'm covered if something happens."  
> Sam: Shit. Can she see us?   
> Bucky: Nah, she's just that good.


	31. Chapter Thirty-One

You hear Tony’s voice apologizing from the hallway as you walk past his office. “I would’ve been honored to speak at the holiday award ceremony President, but I simply can’t make the timing work.” 

“Mr. Stark,” an accented voice argues back, making you stop and listen. “You attend every year, the September Foundation Research Grant wouldn’t exist without your generosity. I wouldn’t feel right awarding it without you there.”

“Sir, if I could be in two places at once, I would be. But I’ll be leading a classified assignment, with time sensitive factors. MIT is an incredible school-”

“Tony,” You whisper, leaning in the doorway. “I could lead in your place.”

He points at you, confusion clear on his face before addressing the speaker once more. “Sir, let me call you right back.”

Walking fully into the room, you sit in the armchair across from his desk. “Whatever you need, I’ll do it.”

Tony stands and walks around his desk, leaning against the edge once he’s in front of you. “It’s just a milk run really, but given the nature of the mission, I get if you don’t want to do it.”

Raising an eyebrow, you gesture for him to continue. “Fury’s team scouted out a second location, near that first Hydra base.” He pauses when you sit up warily. ”He wants me to sweep the base and locate any potential serum for disposal. It’s two or three days tops. But since it might have to do with that serum- it’s need to know.” He meets your eyes, “And Cap _doesn’t_ need to know.”

“You’re going on a mission that your co-captain doesn’t know about?” You cross your arms. “You weren’t going to be alone, right?”

“Of course not. I’d have three agents with me.” He laughs softly, crossing his arms, mirroring you. “ _Someone_ has to fly the jet.”

You smile at him. “Tony, I can absolutely handle this. I’ll have my suit and the team. You’ve done so much for me. Let me do this for you.” You don’t like keeping secrets from Steve, especially with how great things have been progressing but if you have the opportunity to wipe any leftover serum from existence, you’re going to do it. “What are the dates?”

“You’d fly out tomorrow, back by Friday morning. Are you positive?” He asks. “I don’t want to impose.”

“Absolutely.” You answer, standing up. “I have a date with Steve Friday night so it’ll work out perfectly.”

“Oh I know, it’s all he can talk about.” Tony says, uncrossing his arms and resting them on either side of the desk. “This dating thing you guys have been doing for the last couple of months has been great for both of you.” 

“I think so too,” You agree with a smile. “Steve is perfectly fine with taking things slow and going at my pace. Some days are easier than others, but we both want to make this work again.” 

Tony clears his throat anxiously. “So... What are you going to tell him about this?”

“Oh I’m doing this for you.” You smirk and gently point in his direction. “So _you’re_ the one who gets to come up with a lie for him.”

“C’mon Ace, that’s not fair.” He groans, reaching for his phone. You raise a brow and stay silent. Knowing he won’t win this fight, he sighs with a smile. “Alright, just let me call them back quickly.” As the line rings out, he leans back in his chair, watching you for a moment. “You’re my favorite, ya know. Don’t tell anybody.”

“Anthony.” You sigh, giving him a small smile. “Everyone knows.” 

***

With Steve on his own assignment, you and your assembled team take off without incident. It’s going to be a lengthy flight, taking up most of the first day. 

After you thoroughly read the dossier for your assignment, you settle yourself into the co-pilot's seat and chat casually with the agent manning the jet. She was one of the first agents on the scene when you were found over a year ago. You smile when she tells you that once she found out you were leading the team, she volunteered to join. Your original fourth member had fallen ill this morning.

“His loss,” you say with a smile. 

“Agreed.” The agent says with a lilt. “I’ve wanted to work with you for months. I heard you took down the Asgardian. I’m Evelyn O’Reilly by the way.”

“He startled me,” You explain. “It’s impolite.” You extend a hand in greeting, “It’s wonderful to meet you Evelyn.”

“Remind me to never be rude to you.” She laughs. “When we get back, I’d love for you to teach my kids proper etiquette, those three are an unruly little bunch. Got their mother’s Irish stubborn streak.”

You smile at her, “I’d love to meet them.”

Evelyn’s eyes glance back to the instrument panel. “It would give you some practice for your own little ones. Someday right?”

"Someday. Maybe.” Swiftly, you change the subject. You aren’t sure that kids are in the cards for you anymore. Even if you managed to be that comfortable with Steve again, was it even possible after being frozen for so long? “Evelyn, how close is this base from the one you found me in?”

“About thirty miles?” She says, making a so-so gesture. “Give or take. Why do you ask?” 

You can’t help but wonder if there will be anything at this location. After all, the three of you had searched high and low for every vial there had been. “Just curious.” 

“Well,” She says, eyes back on the sky in front of you. “We should be on the ground in about three hours so I’d get in a nap if I were you.” 

***

After spending an hour inside, you’re ready to call it quits. There’s nothing here. No serum, no laboratory. No sign of any Hydra activity in the last decade. You take one final sweep of the location before calling the team back to you. 

Once you’re in the quinjet, you step out of the suit, leaving only your communication panel attached to your wrist and you call Evelyn to start the jet back up. You turn, ready to give orders and you notice that neither of the other agents are behind you. “Smith? Anderson?” Without thinking, you rush back down the ramp. 

Both men are laying face down in the snow. “Evelyn!” You drop down to your knees beside the bodies as the other woman rushes to your side. 

“What happened?!” Evelyn asks, panic in her voice as she stands in front of you. 

“I don’t know, they were right behind me.” 

“Well we need to get out of -” When she stops, you look up at the woman. Your eyes widen as you stare at the exit wound in the center of her forehead. In full panic, you scramble back as Evelyn’s body pitches forward. 

Where she had just been standing is an agent that you don’t recognize dressed in digital camo. He raises the pistol as he steps forward. You close your eyes tightly. _This is it._

“Nicht schießen(1)!” Opening your eyes, you see that the man is now standing still, turning his attention to the owner of the voice. You watch as the newcomer closes the distance between you. He is clearly an officer of some kind but you have no idea if he’s an ally or an enemy. 

“Geht es dir gut? Er hat dich nicht verletzt, oder(2)?” The stranger asks. When you don’t respond, he speaks again, this time in accented English. “I apologize, miss. I shouldn’t assume you speak German.” He extends his hand. “Are you alright?”

You’re hesitant to take it, unsure if you can trust this man. “It’s alright,” He says, smiling kindly at you. “I don’t bite.” 

Instead of taking the hand, you survey the death around you. “My team is dead.”

“My apologies.” He says, motioning for the agent with him to retreat back into the building. “This is a government facility and no one is allowed here without the proper clearance. My men have orders to shoot on sight.” 

Standing, you eye him warily. “We were informed that this base had been abandoned.” 

“You may have been correct based on your country’s intel but my superiors do not report to _this_ country’s government.” He shrugs. “We operate on our own terms.” 

“I understand,” You nod slowly. “My superiors don’t work for my country’s government either.” 

“Oh, I know.” You stare at him, clearly confused. How could he know that? “Your plane.” He says, pointing behind you to the aircraft. “It has the S.H.I.E.L.D. symbol on it’s side. Everyone knows what that is.” 

The winter wind whips around you, making you shiver. “Come, let’s get you in where it’s warm.” He turns, leading you towards the building. “You can contact your American counterparts and explain what happened. I will take full responsibility for the death of your team.” 

You nod, following him. Once the doors have closed behind you, he turns, smiling. “How rude of me, I never introduced myself.” The man removes his hat as he speaks. “My name is Johann Schmidt.” You pause at the name. _There’s no way._ “The third. Named after my father, and my grandfather. I’m sure that you remember him.” 

Horrified, you back away, trying to turn for the door. Strong fingers close around your wrist. He crushes your communication device easily as he pulls you closer to him. “There is no need for introductions from you, liebchen(3), I know _exactly_ who you are. I have no idea how you survived but I am very curious to figure it out.” 

He cocks his head, appraising you. “You should be grateful. I was going to kill you but once I saw your pretty face, I knew you were certainly more valuable to me alive. The Captain won’t cross the ocean for a body.” 

Without thinking, you swing at him, refusing to go down without a fight. “None of that.” He dodges your fist and he pulls you to him, grabbing the back of your neck with his free hand. “Träume schön, Schatz(4).” He whispers as your forehead connects with the stone wall. 

***

When you come to, your head is pounding and you have no idea where you are. The room is dark grey concrete with very little for furnishings. One door, a desk and a chair opposite yours. You try to stand but feel your chest tighten in panic when you realize that you are tied - not tied, cuffed to the metal chair that you’re sitting on. When you try to kick out, you notice that not only are your ankles cuffed to the chair but the chair is bolted to the stone ground. 

“Oh good, you’re finally awake.” Schmidt steps closer to you, rag in hand. 

“What are you doing with that?” Fear unravels in your stomach as he leans down.

“Well, I was going to clean the blood off your face,” He says simply. “Unless you want it to stay there?” 

You furiously shake your head. “I don’t want you to touch me.” 

“That’s not up to you, liebchen.” He presses the rag to your forehead and you jerk away. Grabbing your chin, he forces you to look up at him. “I am going to make you bleed more, make no mistake about that. I just like to start with a fresh canvas.” 

Releasing your chin, he goes back to cleaning the dried blood from your face. You open your mouth, screaming for help. A sharp sting across your cheek stops you. “Oh liebchen,” He chuckles, leaning in only inches from your face. “No one can hear you down here. Your team is dead, your plane is gone, and there’s no way to find you. If you don’t give me what I want, you’ll beg for death by the time I’m done with you.” 

Tears threaten to spill as you realize how much danger you’re in. Without the communication panel, there’s no way for Steve or Tony to find where you are. _You_ don’t even know where you are. As Schmidt puts down the cloth and picks up a knife from the small desk, you can’t help the sob that escapes your lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Do not shoot!  
> (2) Are you all right? He didn't hurt you, did he?  
> (3) Sweetheart  
> (4) Dream beautiful, honey.


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next we will be swapping between points of view, just a heads up. 
> 
> Also, due to work, life and adulting, we will be moving to post once a week - don't worry though, we're not disappearing!  
> We have so many amazing and heart-wrenching chapters to come!

“She hasn’t logged her location in _three days_ and I’m just hearing about this now? There is _zero_ excuse for this.” Tony’s angry voice echoes through the halls of the compound. The agent standing opposite him has the decency to look ashamed as he apologizes once again for the lapse in communication. 

“Mr. Stark,” he begins, “The quinjet automatically pinged it’s own location until last night. It was an oversight. I’m assuming that the communications team just took that-”

“That’s your problem, Thompson!” Tony yells. “You assumed. If anything has happened to her or the team, I will personally ensure you never work in this country again.”

Thompson begins backing up, closer to the doorway. “Mr. Sta-”

Tony cuts him off, eyeing the agent dangerously. “ _Find her._ ” 

“Yes Sir.” Thompson spins around only to collide with Steve, who is observing the interaction with folded arms and a confused expression.

The agent ducks passed Steve as the solider walks fully into the room. “Tony?” he asks. “Who hasn’t checked in? Nat’s downstairs, I just spoke with her.”

Walking around his desk, Tony places both hands in front of himself in a military surrender. “Not Natasha.” 

“Then -” 

“So.” Tony meets the taller man’s eyes slowly. “Ace went on a mission and she hasn’t logged her location in three days.” 

“What?” Steve shakes his head. “She didn’t tell me that she was going somewhere.” 

“Yeah, well she wasn’t allowed to.” The shorter man explains, shoving his hands into his pockets. “It was need to know and, buddy, you didn’t need to know.” 

Raising an eyebrow, Steve moves further into the room. “Why not?” 

Hesitantly, Tony begins to explain. He crosses his arms defensively, knowing that whatever he tells the man, Steve won’t like hearing it. “Fury found a secondary base near the first site. He wanted us to sweep for the serum. If any were left, we were told to destroy them to ensure that what happened with you never happened again.” 

“Shit.” Steve swears, angrily narrowing his eyes. “How could you let her do this, Stark?” 

“Don’t ‘Stark’ me. I’m just as worried as you are and we both know that Ace is capable of handling this.” Tony shakes his head, starting to pace. “The plane was pinging its own location until last night, when it disappeared entirely.” He stops, making his way to the backside of his desk. “I just found out. Barely got off the plane when they told me.” 

“The signal disappeared?” Steve’s voice wavers slightly. If the plane was gone, what had happened to the woman he loves? “Does that mean…” He trails off, fearing the worst.

  
“Steve, you can’t think like that.” Tony says, meeting the man’s eyes as he intentionally says his first name. He begins pulling up screens to map out the quinjet's last visible location. “I need you to take a deep breath. Get Barnes and get your shield. We’re going to find her.” 

***

The jolt of pain to the bare skin of your side is what wakes you. You try to jerk violently to the left hoping to escape the current of electricity coming from the cattle prod in the strangers hand. Wildly, your eyes dart around in a panic, looking for Schmidt. 

The man is sitting casually in the chair opposite you, a vicious smile playing at his lips. “Good morning, liebchen.” He crosses one leg over the other. “Now that you’re awake, let’s begin again.”

You feel like you can barely hold your head up as he speaks to you. You have no idea how long you’ve been down here and with the limited water you’ve been allowed, it’s difficult to tell the passage of time. You feel foggy and your body is covered in cuts and bruises. It has to have been days. _I don't think I can take much more of this._

Schmidt leans forward, motioning for the other man to step closer and ready the prod. “What have you done with the vials of anti-serum?” 

“I don’t have it.” You say softly, eyes moving between Schmidt and the man next to you.

“I know _you_ don’t,” Schmidt says, rolling his eyes. “But I watched the Winter Soldier take twelve of them. Where are they?” 

_I may not have been strong enough to hide how I survived but I can’t tell him what happened. I can’t do that to Steve._ “They’re gone.” 

Angrily, he narrows his eyes. “Where?” 

The sudden electric contact with your skin hurts so badly you can’t breathe. Uselessly, you tug at the metal cuffs keeping you in the chair. “Please.” You gasp out. “I don’t know.” 

“You’re lying.” He motions to his partner. “Nochmal(1).”

You can tell he’s getting angry and impatient. If you can just stand the pain a little longer, he’ll get frustrated enough to just knock you out again. _Just a little more. Hold out just a little longer. Someone_ has _to come for me._

“What’s the point of lying? You’re just going to keep -” The blow knocks your head to the side, unintentionally causing you to whimper. You didn’t see the back of his hand coming but you definitely feel it. 

Letting out a low chuckle, Schmidt fists his hand into your hair, yanking your head back. Your eyes lock with his, feeling fresh panic claw its way into your chest. “As much as I enjoy watching this, it’s clearly not effective. I think we need to try something new.” He releases your hair and turns to his counterpart. “Mach das wasser an(2).”

From above your head, you hear water rushing through a pipe. In seconds, you are soaked and freezing. With the tattered remains of your clothing offering little protection, you know there is no way you can last long under the icy water. 

“Oh liebchen,” He shakes his head as he chuckles again. “Since you enjoyed your first deep freeze, let’s see how long you last like this.” Nodding to the other man, he disappears behind you. “Schalte es in zehn minuten aus(3).” You can hear the heavy door slid open and shut as Schmidt leaves you. 

***

“What was she doing on this mission in the first place?” Steve stands, glancing in Tony’s direction.

“Ya know.” Bucky pipes in, looking up from the plane’s instrument panel. “I had that thought myself. This isn’t her typical assignment.” 

“I was supposed to go but there was this thing at MIT,” Tony starts, glancing back to Steve. “She overheard me declining the president and offered to go in my place. I figured, she had the suit and a team so she’d be fine.” 

Steve stiffens, remembering the suit that the other man had made. “Right. I’ve also been meaning to ask about _that_.” 

Tony aggressively rolls his eyes as he stands from the co-pilot's chair. “What about it?” 

“Why the hell would you make her something like that?” Steve’s words come out annoyed, causing Tony to immediately go on the defense.

“She asked me to.” Tony answers, raising an eyebrow. “Are you two seriously going to give me shit for this?” 

Bucky quickly turns his attention back to the open sky. “I’m not giving you _anything,_ I agree with you. All I’m doing is flying this plane.” 

Standing with his arms crossed, Steve impatiently waits for some kind of answer. “All she said was that you made her one, so yes. I am going to give you shit for this.” 

“She’s too nice to tell you why.” Tony responds, jabbing a finger into the taller man’s chest.

“Stark.” Smacking the other man’s hand away, Steve glares down at him.

Tony sighs heavily. “You really want to know? Fine. Because of _you_ , Rogers. She needed to be able to protect herself and she _deserved_ to feel safe.” He shrugs. “And if a metal suit did that for her, then I was happy to help.”

“ _Someone_ could’ve told me.” Steve says through gritted teeth. If he had been kept in the loop, he would’ve been a lot less angry. But instead, everyone hid it from him for months. Their date was the only reason he even knew about it now.

“I sure as shit wasn’t telling you. Ace asked me not to and to be honest Rogers, I didn’t fucking want to.” Tony knows he’s about to land a low blow, but he’s too angry to care. “I know you didn’t have a choice in the matter but that poor girl had nightmares for months. Hell, she still does. But you aren’t around to see it. You left.” 

“I left _for her_.” Steve reasons angrily, hands balling into fists.“To help her heal.” Everything he’s ever done was for her. All he wants to do is help the woman he loves get through this and now it feels like Tony’s throwing it all back in his face. For the first time in months, he feels angry enough to punch someone.

At that moment, Tony wants nothing more than to punch Steve in the mouth. Instead, he slams his fist against the back of the chair and throws the taller man’s words right back at him. “And I did this _for her,_ Rogers _._ To help her heal.”

Tony steps away, needing a moment to calm himself down. “I don’t know if you remember the bruises, but I sure as hell do.” He watches the taller man freeze as he continues. “If anything ever happened again, I wanted to ensure a level playing field because she couldn’t fight you off on her own the first time.” 

Steve looks stung by Tony’s words, shifting uncomfortably. “I would never hurt her like that again.”

“No one thought you would’ve to begin with, but here we are.” 

“You’re acting like I wanted to do this to her. Do you honestly believe that I wanted to ra-” 

Tony turns, cutting him off. “Of course not.” His tone is soft as he watches the anguish on Steve’s face. “Look Cap, what happened wasn’t in your control. I know that. We’re worried about Ace and taking it out on each other. I made her a suit to help her overcome her fear, let’s leave it at that.” 

Silence falls in the cabin for a moment before Bucky glances over his shoulder at the other two men. “Now that that’s settled, can I get a hand because I gotta land this plane and there’s no signal.”

The other two men exchange a look that’s clearly meant to be an apology. Steve nods towards the co-pilot’s seat and Tony slips into it so he can help figure out what’s going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Again.  
> (2) Turn on the water.  
> (3) Turn it off in ten minutes.


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three

Barely conscious, you feel someone unlatching the metal shackles at your ankles. You slowly open your eyes, watching as Schmidt moves around you to unlock your hands. They fall uselessly to your sides; you’re too weak to fight him and he knows it. 

With little effort, he hoists you over his shoulder and crosses the small room in just a few steps. Even in your weakened state, he shouldn’t have been able to lift and move you as easily as he does.

Schmidt must sense your confusion as he begins shackling your hands against the wall, above your head. He gives you a sly smile as he clicks the locks into place. “I know what you’re thinking. There is much you don’t know about me, liebchen.” He walks toward a button to the side of you and presses it twice. 

You can feel your hands slowly being pulled up higher against the wall. With your toes now barely touching the ground, most of your weight rests on your shackled wrists. You try to move your hands, to get some relief but are only met with searing pain. Tears well up in your eyes as you watch your captor. 

Taking a few steps in the direction of his desk, Schmidt picks up a small lighter. He appraises you hungrily before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigarette box. With his eyes never leaving yours, he lights up and inhales deeply. “It’s a pity.” He muses casually, as he exhales smoke in your direction. “I don’t think you’re going to live long enough to get to know me like I know you.” 

Crossing the room quickly, he leans down close to your face. You turn your head away from him, shutting your eyes tightly. “Liebchen,” He chuckles, gripping your chin and forcing your face back to his. “We’re done with the questions. I’m not going to get answers from you, so I’m just going to enjoy making you scream.”

He presses the lit cigarette to the exposed skin of your chest. Your eyes snap open but you refuse to let out a scream. _If this is the worst he’s got, I can handle this._

“Really? Nothing?” He asks, moving to the underside of your arm. When you still don’t make a sound, he butts it out on your skin. “Have it your way then.” Tossing the cigarette to the floor, he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a silk handkerchief. 

“Wh- what are you doing?” Uneasiness settles in your stomach as he folds the fabric.

“This is what happens when you don’t give me what I want.” He is quick to tie the cloth around your eyes, blocking your view of the room.

All you can hear is the sound of footsteps moving closer. Immediately after is a soft hiss, followed by a click and the distinct sound of a blow torch igniting. You use any fight you have left in you as you try to struggle out of the shackles. You know it’s useless but the fear of what's coming is overriding your ability to think logically.

“ _Please_ ,” You beg, tears sliding down your cheeks. “I told you everything I know, I swear that I’m not lying to you! Please don’t do this!” 

“Oh, I know that.” Schmidt’s voice is right in your ear and you flinch away. Over your panic, you hadn’t heard him step closer to you. “No one could lie to me after this long.” 

You can feel some heat against the palm of your hands but nothing that immediately hurts. It takes a few moments before you realize that the metal around your wrists is heating up, the pain is excruciating and you can’t help but scream. The sound that comes out of you is piercing and raw. 

Over your own cries, you can hear him laughing. “Finally.” 

The pain in your wrists distracts you for a few seconds but you find yourself screaming again when he runs the torch along your side. Instinctively, you try to bring your leg up to kick him but he’s faster. “None of that, liebchen.” He moves his hand and you let out yet another scream as you feel the flame against your thigh. 

“Captain Rogers will find you...” You sob, letting your head fall against your heaving chest. “You can do whatever you want to me but he _will_ find you. When he does, he’ll kill you.” 

The sound of metal hitting concrete causes you to jump. The blindfold is ripped from your eyes quickly. Before it hits the ground, Schmidt has his hand around your throat, pinning you to the wall. “He isn’t coming for you. It’s been so long.” The man snarls, his face inches from yours. “Your precious Captain America doesn’t care about you.” 

“You’re lying.” You choke out. 

“Am I?” Schmidt asks condescendingly. “I haven’t moved you, you’ve been right under his nose. If the Captain hasn’t come by now, he never will.”

“He _will_ come.” You whisper, trying to convince yourself more than him, but it isn’t working. If he’s telling the truth, you worry that Steve has given up looking for you, if he ever was in the first place. 

At your defiance, he narrows his eyes and squeezes harder, almost completely cutting off your air. “Why would he?” 

“He... “ You gasp, trying to force the words out despite the lack of air in your lungs. “Loves me.” 

“Loves you?” Schmidt lets out a laugh, releasing you. He motions for his counterpart as you cough, trying to inhale as much air as you can. “You’re useless to him. Always have been.” 

Raising your chin as best you can, you meet his eyes. “You don’t know anything about us.” Your eyes flicker to the other man as your chest heaves. In his hand is a wooden baseball bat and you watch fearfully as he raises it high into the air. 

Schmidt shakes his head, holding out a hand. “Nein. Gib es mir(1).” Without a word, he hands it over to his superior. “You’re really going to make me do this, aren’t you?” He asks, almost pitying you. “I know I will enjoy it, but I can promise that you won’t.” 

He raises the bat and before you can beg him not to, it connects with your leg. The pain of the bone breaking is blinding and you feel yourself slipping into darkness because of it. 

***

“There’s no sign of the jet anywhere.” Bucky says through his ear bud. Each of the men has taken their own tunnel to try and narrow the search. 

Sighing heavily, Steve continues to walk down yet another abandoned corridor. He sees something on the ground up ahead and starts to jog in that direction. “If we can’t retrieve the plane, it is what it is. My concern is-”

“Ace. She’s the most important thing.” Tony agrees, piping in through the comms. “But I feel like we should have come across _something_ by now.”

“I wish you hadn’t said that, Tony.” Steve replies sadly. “I found her crew.” 

“Are they okay?” 

Steve surveys the gunshot wounds, shaking his head. “They’re dead. Looks like they have been for days.” 

“Well shit,” Bucky swears. “Harvard isn’t with them, right?” 

“She’s not here.” Steve confirms softly. He’s grateful that neither of the other men are with him. When he saw the bodies, he had had a moment of panic, thinking he would find you among them. 

“If she’s not with them, whoever did this has to be keeping her alive.” Tony reasons with more optimism than Steve feels. “We’ll come to you. They probably went that way if they left the bodies there.” 

After a few minutes of walking, Steve can hear a commotion through the comms. He stops in his tracks, trying to understand what’s going on. “What’s happening?” 

“We got some unfriendlies.” Tony replies, firing off a repulsor.

Bucky unsheathes a knife from his boot. “We got _a lot_ of unfriendlies.” 

Steve looks around the tunnel for any sign of the other two. “Are you together?” He asks, starting back down from where he came. “I’m coming to you.” 

“Yeah, we’re together but don’t come here.” Tony shouts over the melee. “If these guys are popping up suddenly, it means we’re close. Go find her.” 

“It sounds like you need the backup, are you sure?” 

“Don’t be stupid, Steve.” Tony fires off another shot. “Go get our girl!”

Nodding, Steve turns on his heels and rushes back down the passage. He turns down a few hallways before he hears sharp feedback in his left ear. “Guys? Everything alright?” When he’s met with silence, he slows down. “Tony? Buck?” 

‘I should’ve gone back.’ He thinks, looking around him. ‘If the comms are down, something damaged Tony’s suit enough to disable communications.’ His thoughts are racing as he contemplates turning back to help. 

As he turns, he catches movement down a dark hallway. Carefully, he ducks into one of the doorways to get a better look. Two men in dark uniforms stand guarding a door, both holding large assault rifles. Steve flings his shield and it bounces off of the first soldier's head, knocking him out. He catches the shield as it returns, quickly ducking behind it as the second soldier starts firing at him. 

There’s a pause in the hail of bullets and Steve seizes the moment to throw the shield once more. It connects with the soldier’s head and he watches as the man drops to the floor. He rushes down the hallway, collecting the shield as he goes. 

The door that the men were guarding is locked. With one foot firmly planted on the floor, he kicks above the door handle. When it doesn’t immediately open, he tries again, this time putting all his strength behind it. The door flies open, hanging on by a single hinge. 

In the soft light of the room, he can make out a figure hanging by their wrists. “My God.” He breathes, dropping the shield as he rushes across the small space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) No. Give it to me.


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four

Feeling trembling hands on your face, you try to shake them away. “Please,” you whisper, squeezing your eyes tightly. “Please don’t hurt me again.” 

“Sweetheart.” Steve’s voice is soft but insistent. “Open your eyes, it’s me.” 

_This has to be a trick._ “Please…” You beg again, feeling the tears slip down your face. _Steve can’t be here._

One of the hands disappears from your face and you feel steady fingers trying to pry open the shackles. Opening your eyes, you lift your head as much as you can. You see soft cerulean eyes, filled with concern, staring back at you. You can’t help the broken sob that comes out when you realize it _really_ is Steve. “You came for me.” 

“Of course I did.” He whispers, glancing above your head. “I’m gonna get you down but I’m gonna need your help. Can you stand?” 

“I…” The blinding pain in your leg is now a dull throb. “My leg, I think it’s broken.” 

Steve swears softly as he looks down. “Alright, I’ve got you.” He wraps one arm around your waist as he manages to break the cuffs. Gently, he carries you over to one of the chairs and you can’t stop staring at him. You can’t believe that he’s here and that somehow, you survived this nightmare. 

When he sets you down, he tilts your chin up to get a better look at your face and see what’s been done to you. He delicately thumbs away a streak of blood above your eye, saying nothing as he examines it. After a brief pause, your heart skips a nervous beat as he looks you dead in the eyes. Steve’s voice is quiet and tense, his anger _barely_ restrained. “Who did this to you?” 

Before you can respond, you hear Tony’s voice from behind you. “S-Steve?”

“Tony.” Steve closes his eyes for a moment as he breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad that you’re alright.”

“Oh I wouldn’t say that.” You hear Schmidt laugh and your whole body tenses up. _No._

Steve stares at you, confusion written all over his face. He turns, giving you a chance to see that Schmidt has Tony on his knees, gun pointed to the back of his head. Through the haze of pain, you wonder what could’ve happened to Tony’s suit that he would allow himself to be so vulnerable without it. 

“This has been a long time coming, Captain.” 

“I don’t know how this is possible.” Steve glances at his shield, discarded by the doorway, before turning back to Schmidt angrily. “You have to let him go.” 

“Ah, I don’t _have_ to do anything.” Schmidt cocks his pistol. “And I’ve been so rude, allow me to introduce myself.” 

Steve glances in Tony’s direction before shaking his head. “I know who you are, but it’s impossible. I killed you in 1945.” 

“You are correct, mein freund(1), it _is_ impossible.” The man laughs. “The Johann Schmidt you murdered in 1945 was my grandfather.” 

Steve takes a few steps forward, in the direction of his shield. 

“Unless you want Stark’s brains all over the wall, I’d stay right where you are.” Schmidt warns, eyes narrowing dangerously. 

“I don’t want that, you don’t have to do this.” Steve says calmly. You want to tell him that there is no reasoning with this madman but you can’t find the strength.

“Actually, I do. You see, not only did I inherit his looks and name but his ideals as well.” 

Tony glances at you, giving you a reassuring smile. “Out of all the bad guys, why did we end up with the creepy-Hydra-fanboy-clone?” 

The remark immediately angers Schmidt, causing him to press the end of the gun against Tony’s head. Feeling the metal, Tony swallows hard and briefly closes his eyes.

“Tony,” Steve implores him. “For once in your life, shut your mouth. _Please_.” Turning back to Schmidt, he raises his hands in surrender. “What do you want? Obviously you brought me here for a reason.” 

“For years, I’ve been perfecting the Hive serum.” The man begins, keeping the muzzle of his gun firmly pressed against Tony’s head. “I took the best parts of the serums that came before and combined them. I am the first thriving case. All the strength, ruthlessness, and aggression I have makes me the perfect killing machine.” 

“So your story is great and all, but this is the second time in a year that I’ve had an angry super soldier put a gun against my head,” Tony glances to the shield and you realize he’s trying to buy Steve time to get to his weapon. “And I gotta tell ya, not a fan.” 

“ _Anthony._ ” You say softly, finally finding your voice. Schmidt has proven himself to be a dangerous man. While you know what he’s trying to do, if Tony isn’t careful, he’s going to get himself killed. 

Schmidt glances at you as his free hand yanks Tony’s head back, forcing him to look up. “Would you prefer it against your head or the girl's? Because I’m open to either option.” 

“Mine.” Tony answers quietly, his eyes on Schmidt. You watch the fight leave him as he closes his eyes. “Leave her out of this.” 

“So why are we here?" Steve calls Schmidt’s attention back to him. "What do you want from us?” 

“Well, I was getting to that but I was rudely interrupted by your soon to be dead friend.” As he lets go of Tony’s hair, he shoves the man’s head forward. “I want what you stole from me. I want the anti-serum.” 

Shaking his head, Steve lets out a half laugh. “There’s none left.” 

“What do you mean there’s _none_ left? I watched the Winter Soldier take twelve vials from my facility when _this one_ ,” Using the muzzle as leverage, he keeps Tony’s head down. “And your little girlfriend, were in Zola’s office.” 

“Correct.” Steve smirks. “And they administered all twelve to _me._ ” 

“Steve…” You whisper, eyes wide with panic. 

Hearing your voice, Schmidt looks to you. “Ah, so that’s the secret you’ve been keeping, liebchen.” 

Steve protectively steps back in front of you. 

“So, tell me Captain,” His attention now back on Steve. “How did this come to be? Did you want more? Did the great Captain America feel tempted by all the power he could wield if he took _my_ serum?” 

“It’s none of your business how it happened, but know that I took all twelve of those vials because it made me a horrible person. It turned me into a monster and I hurt the people I love because of it.” Steve’s voice softens a bit as he glances back to you. “And I would do it again in a heartbeat.” 

“Well that’s entirely unnecessary.” Schmidt rolls his eyes as he speaks. “Since you had such a high dose of the anti-serum, you can never become like me again. In fact,” He laughs softly. “Your blood is now the reason that you have to die.” 

“Yeah, so we’re gonna pass on that offer.” All of you turn to see Bucky standing in the doorway, a pair of guns pointed directly at Schmidt. 

Using the momentary distraction, Tony throws himself across the room and stands with the shield in his hand. “Cap!” He calls, tossing it to Steve as Bucky hands him a gun. 

You watch as Schmidt looks around the room, appearing to weigh his odds. “Captain,” he starts, eyes settling on Steve. “You’re going to have two options and I _do_ wonder which one you’ll pick.” He glances at you for a second before pulling the trigger. “Come after me or stop her from bleeding out.”

The pain registers before you realize what happened. You look down, watching the blood seep from the bullet wound in your stomach. “Steve…” 

His terrified expression is the last thing you see before darkness claims you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) my friend


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five

You open your eyes, feeling groggy as you look around the room. None of it seems familiar to you. From the sterile white walls to the beeping equipment all around you- this must be some sort of hospital room. It doesn’t make sense, the last thing you remembered was intense pain before everything went dark. _Why does this feel eerily familiar?_

To your intense surprise, Steve is slumped over beside you, asleep in the hospital chair. Bucky flanks your other side, asleep in a small wooden chair. _How in the world?_ Gingerly, you sit up and try to get someone’s attention. 

“Thank you Doctor, I’ll let you know when she wakes.” 

“Of course, Mr. Stark.” 

You hear the talking before you see the owner of the first voice come into the room. _Howard?_ When he sees you, he beams with excitement and rushes to your side. 

“Ace? You’re awake!” Howard’s excitement wakes the two sleeping men and Steve immediately stands. 

“Darling? How are you feeling?” He asks softly, touching your hand.

“Everything hurts.” You answer truthfully before turning your head and staring at the other two men. “Howard?” You begin. “What happened? Did I get hurt in the lab?”

“Howard?” The man asks, confused. “Ace? It’s me, Tony.” He glances over to Steve before settling his eyes back on you. “What year is it?” 

You answer automatically. “1944.” _No, that’s not right. What happened?_ “Wait... “ 

Tony, not Howard, tells you the year and you shake your head slowly. 

Steve jumps in then, squeezing your hand. “Sweetheart, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“It’s fuzzy,” You start, looking between the three men. “I remember helping you pack, you’re supposed to be in Germany, aren’t you?” Your eyes settle on Steve. His expression is a mixture of anxiety and fear. “And I think that I had a mission from you.” Tony’s crosses his arms when you point at him. “I’m not sure.”

Bucky stands, motioning Tony to him. “I’m gonna grab the doctor. I’m pretty sure this isn’t normal.” You watch him walk out of the room before turning your attention back to Steve and Tony. 

“What isn’t normal?” You ask softly, playing with the edge of your blanket. “Me?”

“You’re perfectly normal, Ace. The fuzzy memories are no big deal.” Tony reassures you. “Let’s just uh, wait for the doctor.”

“What… What happened to me?” Peering over the bed, you can see the cast on your leg and the marks at your wrists. You look up, watching as both men exchange a worried glance. 

Once the doctor arrives, there’s a flurry of excitement in the room. A harried nurse checks your vitals while constantly staring and smiling at Steve. Both Tony and Bucky are in deep discussion with the surgeon who set your shattered leg while Steve chats casually with the attending doctor. No one is speaking to you. Despite your confusion, you can feel anger blossom in your chest. 

Loudly, you clear your throat and six sets of eyes meet yours. “Can someone _please_ tell me what is going on?” You rip your hand away from the awestruck nurse. “And he’s taken. So please stop staring at him like a schoolgirl.” 

“Oh she’s gonna be fine.” Bucky chuckles, settling onto the small couch across from your hospital bed. 

The doctor apologizes and steps closer to the bed. “Miss, your injuries were consistent with being held captive and tortured for almost a week.” You raise your eyebrows, looking over to Steve. _Tortured?_

“The damage to your wrists and the burns on your soft tissue will heal with time, but your leg required pins and screws in order to be set properly after it was shattered.” The doctors flips through your chart as he looks up. “You were severely dehydrated but you’ve been on fluids for the last thirty-six hours so -”

Holding up a hand, you cut him off, “Thirty-six hours?” 

“Yes ma’am, thirty-six hours.” He continues without a second thought. “You were unconscious for most of it.” 

“Is she going to be okay?” Steve’s voice is soft when he speaks. Even though the man is speaking with the doctor, his eyes are fixed on you.

“She’s as healthy as a woman should be in her late twenties but from what you’ve told me, I can’t say for sure.” The doctor shrugs. “Being in cryo-freeze for over seventy years and then being tortured the way she was, there’s no way to know.” 

“Great.” Tony rolls his eyes. “When can she fly? I have some of the best doctors back in New York on standby for her arrival.” 

“We have a few more tests that we would like to run, but she should be able to leave tomorrow.” He nods in your direction and picks up your chart. “Someone should be back in an hour or so to change your IV.” 

You thank them softly and watch the medical team exit. You slowly turn back to the three men left in your room. Crossing your arms, you lean back against the pillows and wait for more explanation. 

All three immediately start to speak and you hold up a hand. “One at a time,” You say softly as they fall into silence. “Please. This is a lot.” 

“You went on a mission in my place and you didn’t check in for a couple days,” Tony starts, resting his hands on the foot board of your bed. “So we were worried and came to find you. Cap found your team and we were -” 

“Oh God! Evelyn.” You move to shift towards the side of your bed but the searing pain in your stomach stops you. 

Steve rushes to your side, hands resting on your shoulders. “Where are you trying to go?” He asks, settling you back into bed. “You can’t move like that, you’ll tear the stitches.” 

“My pilot, Evelyn. She had kids, she had a family, sweetheart. We have to tell them.” Adjusting yourself to get comfortable, you pause and look between Tony and Steve. “Wait, why do I have stitches?” 

“They’ve already been contacted, Ace.” Tony promises. “We’re going to take care of her family.” He glances at Steve, “As for the stitches…” 

You can see the haunted expression in his eyes as Steve takes your hand in his. “You were shot. Schmidt used you as a distraction to get away. He knew I wouldn’t...”

As he trails off, Bucky finishes the words that Steve can’t. “He knew that Steve wouldn’t chase him if you were dying.” 

“I… I was dying?” You stammer softly.

“Darling, there was so much blood.” He explains, his voice thick with emotion. “And you were already so weak from what you had endured before we got there. We were so afraid that you wouldn’t make it.” When you glance up at him, his cheeks are wet. You hadn’t noticed that he was crying. You reach over and touch his cheek gently, wiping a tear away.

You look up at the sound of Tony’s sniffles and he refuses to make eye contact. “I’m fine, I just got something in my eye.” He wipes his eyes and gives you a warm smile. “Okay, so I’m gonna go get some coffee. Barnes, come on, let’s give these kids a minute.” 

“But I don’t want any coffee.” 

Tony glares at him. “ _You want coffee_. Come on.” 

“Uh…” Bucky pushes himself off the couch, glancing towards you with an exaggerated shrug. “I guess I want coffee. Anyone want anything?” 

Smiling in his direction, you shake your head. “No, thank you James.” 

Steve nods in Tony’s direction. “We’re good Buck, just go.” 

You watch the two men retreat from the room before you anxiously glance back at Steve. The man is watching you intently, arms crossed and a soft smile on his lips.

“Why are you smiling like that?” 

“Because you’re alive and you’re safe.” He unfolds his arms and leans forward. “I was afraid that I was going to be too late.” 

“I knew you’d come for me.” You whisper looking down at your hands. “I never gave up hope.” You hate that you’re lying to him but there’s no reason for him to know that Schmidt had gotten inside your head. 

Gently taking your hand, Steve squeezes it. “I’m sorry it took me so long. And sweetheart, I’m sorry that I’m the reason you keep getting hurt.” 

“This wasn’t your fault.” You pull your hand away from him, confused by his apology. “It was my idea to go on this mission.” 

“Yes but this guy was after the serum that he clearly thought I had and he used you to get to me.” 

“There was no way for any of us to know what he wanted.” You look away, fiddling with the blanket. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you about it. I wanted to but it was -.” 

Steve cuts you off gently, “Classified, I know that. Tony told me.” He gestures around vaguely. “This whole thing - the serum and what I did to you, it’s going to take time to move beyond it. And there are going to be things that come up that you can’t tell me but as long as we’re honest with each other about everything else, we’ll be fine.” 

You nod as you glance over to him, afraid that if you speak, he’ll be able to tell that you had lied. Steve kisses your forehead and for the first time in a long time, you feel safe with him. 

***

Within days of arriving back at the compound, you hear Agent Coulson talking to Steve about funeral preparations and the cost of the memorial service for the agents who didn’t make it back. As you wheel over, Steve reassures Agent Coulson that the Avengers will cover the cost completely and that the families would be well taken care of. You can’t help but feel a little proud at how well Steve is handling all of this. 

“I would like to go and pay my respects. These agents gave their lives while on a mission with me, I feel like I owe it to them.” 

Steve turns, looking down at you with eyes full of compassion. “Sweetheart, do you really think you’re up for that?” 

“No,” You admit softly. “But they would do the same for me.” 

“Then you should go.” He gently touches your cheek, glancing over as Coulson steps away to answer his phone. “But you aren’t going alone. You aren’t doing anything alone ever again.” 

***

As Steve pushes you up the ramp into the funeral home holding Evelyn's memorial service, you feel the anxiety settling into your stomach. The other two families had been appreciative and almost vaguely indifferent to your arrival but for some reason, the thought of seeing Evelyn’s family worries you. You can’t help but think of how her children will grow up without a mother and how her husband would never get to see her smile again. 

You push open the door and Steve moves you off to the side as the Priest continues to speak. Fiddling with your dress, your eyes settle on the three sobbing children in the front row. You find it hard to focus on what the Priest is saying as you watch Evelyn’s children. If there was any way you could bring her back for them, you would. 

The service goes much quicker than you anticipated and when the Priest stops speaking, Steve gently squeezes your shoulder. “Do you want to go up and pay your respects?” 

You silently nod and he pushes your wheelchair down the aisle. Halfway across the room, Evelyn’s husband’s eyes meet yours and his expression turns to one of anger as he storms over to you. “You are _not_ welcome here.” He snaps, looking between you and Steve.

“Excuse me?” Steve demands, stepping out from behind your chair.

Your fingers thread into his as you look at the man in front of you. “Mr. O’Reilly, I just wanted to -” 

“Wanted to what?” The man cuts you off as he glares down at you. “You wanted to tell me that you’re sorry? That I have your deepest condolences? That won’t bring my wife back. My children have to grow up without a mother because of you.” He takes a step closer to you. “How is it that you managed to survive while everyone else on your team died? What makes you so Goddamn special?” 

Steve moves in front of you as tears spill onto your cheeks. “Sir, there is no need to -” 

“I don’t want to hear it.” He snaps, cutting Steve off with a shake of his head. ”Am I right in assuming, she got to live because she’s Captain America’s girlfriend?” He rounds on you, pointing a finger in your direction. “You’ve done enough damage to my family. Get out of here.” Without waiting for either of you to respond, the man turns and starts back towards his children.

When Steve goes to follow, you gently squeeze his hand. “Don’t.” Your words are soft and your eyes drop down to your lap. “He’s right, please, let’s just go.” 

Turning, Steve crouches in front of you. “He _isn’t_ right and he doesn’t get to speak to you that way.” 

“Isn’t he though?” You bring your eyes up to meet his. “It _is_ true Steve. I’m the only one who survived because of who I am to you. I shouldn’t be intruding when I’m the one who caused this grief.” 

Steve opens his mouth to argue with you but you shake your head to stop him. “Please, sweetheart, I’d like to leave.”


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six

After the mess at the funeral home and with Christmas two days away, Tony thinks that having a party is the best idea. You, on the other hand, do not. 

“Anthony,” you argue. “I’m in a wheelchair, I have a cast up to my thigh. Being around a ton of people is the last thing I want to do.” 

“You can’t spend Christmas locked in your room.” Tony reasons, sadness in his eyes. “You almost died, Ace, you should be around people who love you.” 

“Okay then why can’t we have something small?” You sigh. “Why does it have to be a _party_?” 

“Do you know who I am?” Tony throws his hands up. “I party all the time.” 

Pepper walks in, rolling her eyes as she sets down her bags. “Since when?” She laughs, leaning in to kiss him. “Your idea of partying is staying up to eleven and playing Uno with Peter.” 

“You have no idea how intense those games get!” He quickly returns the kiss and raises an eyebrow at her. “Kid shows me no mercy with those plus four cards.” 

“Which one of you is the kid here?” 

You raise your hand to stifle a laugh. “It’s really hard to tell sometimes.” 

“This is bullying.” Tony points between you and his fiance. “I feel attacked!” 

“It’s not an attack if it’s the truth.” Leaning down to hug you, Pepper laughs softly. “It’s so good to see you by the way.” 

“It’s good to see you too, how’s California?” 

“Running my fiance’s company _is_ tiring but at least the weather is beautiful.” She shrugs with a smile. “When are you and Steve coming out to the house?” 

Pointing to the cast, you sigh. “To get away from this cold, I’d leave tomorrow but this thing makes it a little difficult.” 

“And that’s the exact reason,” Pepper smiles as she points to your leg. “That there should be a party. It’s been a rough year for you, you deserve to relax a little.” 

“ _This_ is why I’m going to marry you,” Tony smirks, picking up Pepper’s bags. “You always take my side.” 

“No, you’re going to marry me because I’m the only one who puts you in your place.” 

He gestures toward you with a wide smile. “I don’t know, Pep. Ace does a pretty good job.”

Pepper smirks at you before lowering her voice, “ _Not in the same way_ , I’m sure.”

Tony’s cheeks turn scarlet, something you’ve never seen before, and he surrenders quickly. “And you are correct.” He turns to you, changing the subject quickly. “So, party it is?” 

You know you won’t win this argument with them both on the same side. Sighing heavily, you consider his offer and decide to cave. “Fine.” It’s just a party, what could happen?

***

Wheeling you down the hallway towards the common area, Steve senses your discomfort. “We don’t have to stay very long but Tony’s really excited for this party.” He leans down to kiss the top of your head. “You look gorgeous, let me show you off a little -”

“Steve,” You cut him off with a heavy sigh. “I know what I look like right now, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better.” 

“Who’s lying?” The wheelchair stops moving and he steps in front of you, crouching with his hand on your knee. “You are stunning, you always have been.” 

His words cause you to roll your eyes. With what that brute had put you through, you definitely don’t feel pretty. “I’m covered in cuts and bruises. No amount of concealer can hide this black eye and the stitches… There’s ten of them on my forehead alone, kind of hard to miss.” 

“Sweetheart, none of that matters. You could have a third ear and you’d still be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” You go to speak but he stops you, gently tucking a curl behind your ear. “Honest. From the moment I met you, no one has _ever_ been able to compare. You are a beautiful person inside and out, no amount of stitches will take that away.” 

Unable to meet his eyes, you shake your head at him. “Steve…” 

“I’ll remind you every five minutes until you believe it, if that’s what you need.” Steve leans in, pressing his lips to your cheek. “Hey and listen, remember that New Years we ditched Howard’s party and were home by 2130h? If you really want, I can make that happen for you.” 

“Darling, that was during a war, it was different.” You glance up at him from the seat, smiling softly.

He chuckles, checking his watch as he goes to stand. “Give me half an hour and I can create a war.” The man moves behind you and once more, the wheelchair starts moving.

“While I appreciate that offer, I don’t need you to start a war just so I don't have to be at this party.” 

“I honestly think this is going to be good for us.” He points out. “There’s no impending danger and all our friends are here.” 

“I know, I know.” You agree, playing with the hem of your dress. “I saw Happy decorating earlier and it really looked beautiful.” 

Steve laughs. “Oh yeah, Tony goes all out for these things, you should have seen our first victory party after we all moved here. It’s been years and I’m _still_ finding confetti places.” 

“There isn’t going to be a Santa, is there?” 

Steve shrugs, thinking it over. “If there is, it’ll be just Happy in a Santa suit, man really loves his job.” 

You turn to look back at him. “If Tony tries to make me sit on Happy’s lap, I’m wheeling myself out of here.”

He makes a face as he opens the door to the common room. “If Tony tries to make you sit on Happy’s lap, _I’ll be wheeling Tony out of here_.” 

You open your mouth to respond but stop as you take in the beautiful gold, silver, and red decorations that have transformed the common room from a shared living space to a gorgeous holiday spectacle.

Where the dining room table was now stands a stunning ten foot tall Christmas tree. You glance around, taking in the number of people around the room. There are plenty that you know, but most of them you have never seen before. You shrink down slightly, feeling self-conscious. Between the wheelchair, the cast, and the number of guests, you definitely don’t want to be here now. 

“Steve?” You murmur up to him. “Am I going to have to meet all these people?”

“I’ll be with you for most of the night, and if you’re uncomfortable,” he leans down and whispers conspiratorially into your ear, “Thirty minutes sweetheart. You say the word and that’s all I’d need.” 

“Yes, sir.” You tease him as Tony makes his way over to you. 

“Welcome to the Avenger’s Compound Holiday Extravaganza!” Tony grins, holding out a glass to Steve.

He accepts the glass with a raised eyebrow. “You named the party?” 

With a bright smile, Pepper makes her way over to the three of you. “He names everything. Unnecessarily.” She leans in to kiss Steve’s cheek then yours. “I just don’t let him tell you about it.” 

“Thank goodness for small miracles.” You say with a soft laugh. 

“And again, I’m feeling attacked.” Tony makes a show of turning around. “Rhodey! Some back up, please! I need _someone_ that’s on my side.” 

The man in question turns around from his conversation with Agent Hill and gives the group an exaggerated smile. “So what are you calling me for?” You watch as Rhodey excuses himself from the conversation and crosses the room. Maria turns, waving Pepper over with an excited smile and the woman steps away as Rhodey moves to stand beside Tony. 

“Ace, I’d like you to meet my,” Tony rolls his eyes dramatically. “ _Not_ so best friend, Colonel James Rhodes.” 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Rhodey shakes your hand and nods in Steve’s direction. “But please, call me Rhodey.” Turning to Tony, he raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms. “Not so best friend, huh? Pretty sure I’ve saved your ass a bunch of times but I will not save you from a conversation that I know nothing about.” 

Tony smacks the other man’s arm with a chuckle. “Oh careful, she doesn’t like that kind of language.” 

Purposefully ignoring the comment, you smile up at Rhodey. “I like you, it’s a shame that Tony hasn’t introduced us sooner.” 

“Seriously? No scolding?” Tony shakes his arm in your direction. “Is it only when I do it?” 

You raise an eyebrow and put on your most serious expression. “Try it and see, Anthony.” 

Tony stares at you, eyes wide for a moment. “Uh… No thank you.” 

Rhodey laughs, smacking a hand on his chest. “Oh, I like you a lot.” He gives Steve a meaningful stare. “I think she might be the one, Cap.” 

“Oh, I know she is.” Steve gently places his hand on your shoulder. “Believe me, I’ve known since 1943.” You blush at the words, looking up at him and taking his hand.

Tony grins and you can tell he’s decided to press his luck. “Look at the old couple being all cute and shit.” 

“ _Anthony_.” 

Tony throws his hands up in defeat. “It _is_ just when I say it! I’m leaving, I have other guests to entertain.” He grins and turns on his heel towards the kitchen. 

Steve nudges you gently. “Is that all it takes to get him to leave? I’ve been going about this wrong for years.” 

Rhodey claps the other man on the shoulder. “She makes you funny, huh?” His eyes move to yours. “Please stick with him. He’s much more enjoyable to be around when he’s funny.” 

“And suddenly, I feel like _I’m_ being attacked.” Steve rolls his eyes but you can see the humor on his face. 

“I’m gonna grab a drink, do either of you want anything?” 

Steve holds up his glass. “I have a feeling that I will have a full one of these every five minutes if Tony has anything to say about it.” 

“No thank you.” You gesture towards your cast. “Pain medication and alcohol generally don’t mix well.” 

Rhodey agrees with a smile. “Can’t wait to see you put Tony in his place again, kid.” He nods to Steve before disappearing into the crowd. 

Steve pushes your wheelchair further into the party and you look around for more people that you recognize. To your left, Agent Coulson is chatting away with a few people that you don’t know but it’s clear that they are enjoying whatever story he is telling. 

You smile as you see Dr. Banner settled into one of the couches, deep in conversation with someone while his arm is wrapped around Natasha. The woman is clearly enjoying the company but otherwise looks bored. When she meets your eyes, she smiles and raises her glass in greeting. 

“Captain!” Thor’s voice booms through the party. “Bring your lady friend over! We’re telling stories of wartime revelry.” 

“Do you want to?” Steve asks with an excited expression. You can tell _he_ clearly wants to be a part of the conversation and you don’t want to force him to be bored all night. 

You sigh softly, watching the god’s smiling face. “Well, I don’t think we’re going to have much of a choice. He might just pick me up if we don’t go over.” 

You’re already moving in their direction as he answers. “Nah, I think he learned not to after you took him down the first time.” As you near the small group, you can’t help but smile at all the WWII veterans that Thor has surrounded himself with. The men are all discussing the Battle of Anzio, one that you remember pretty decently. 

“Ah, Captain!” Thor hands him a small flask as the men stop talking. Without a word, Steve takes a swig and hands it back. “They were just telling me of this wonderful battle.” 

One of the older men looks you over, shaking his head. “You probably won’t like this conversation, little lady. It’s all boring war talk.” 

“Actually, I remember that battle well.” You point out as Steve moves around to look at you. He doesn’t say anything, letting you take control of the conversation with a smile. “Operation Shingle was one of the _most_ ill-conceived operations of the _entire_ war. But honestly, we can’t blame the Prime Minister for it. He _was_ recovering from pneumonia.” 

The man’s mouth hangs open as he stares at you. “H-how…” He trails off as he looks between you and the grinning Captain. 

“I wasn’t there but...” Steve points to himself before gesturing in your direction. “Weren’t you and Howard working on some new weapon for that battle?” 

“We were.” You make a show of trying to remember. “Sadly, Howard miscalculated the timing and our troops had managed to break out of the stalemate before it could be field tested.” 

“Wait… As in Howard Stark?” 

You cross your arms and look at him as if the answer should be obvious. “Of course, who else would I mean?” 

Before the veteran can respond, you hear a voice behind Steve. “Holy shit… These drinks have to be stronger than they taste.” An older gentleman steps around Steve, staring at you. “This is going to sound really crazy, but you look like someone I used to work with.” 

“Oh?” His comment makes you pause. _Someone I used to work with?_

“But this would’ve been back during the war. Like in 1944.” 

“And?” Steve points out kindly. “Weirder things have happened.” 

“Yes but when you woke up Captain, it was headline news. If this was like that, we would’ve heard about it.” 

You smile and extend your hand in greeting. “We wanted to keep things quieter this time around.” 

“Ma’am, you probably don’t remember me. I’m Walter. I used to work in research under Howard Stark.” He stares at you for a moment before turning to the others. “Do you know who this is?” He asks and before waiting for an answer, he excitedly gives your name. “She used to run circles around Stark. Hell, she even shot at him once!”

 _Walter?_ You close your eyes for a moment, trying to picture the faces of your old team. “Wait… Big Gin Walt?” The man nods with vigor. “You were the best gin rummy player I knew!” 

The two of you begin excitedly talking about the past. After a few moments, you notice Steve nodding over you with a smile. You glance away from Walt and smile when you see Bucky shuffling out of the kitchen, holding a tray of appetizers. Wearing a dress shirt and trousers, he looks extremely uncomfortable just standing in the middle of the room. 

You motion up to Steve. “You should go save him.”

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” 

You wave him away with a smile. “Yes darling, I’ll be fine.” 

“Promise I’ll take good care of her, Captain.” Walt says, giving the larger man a salute. 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Steve smiles at the man before calling out to Bucky, who looks very relieved to hear his best friend asking for him. 

The conversation carries on for a while and you two talk about everything - the war, Howard, the rest of the team. Walt even shows you pictures of his family. Without realizing it, forty-five minutes have passed and you find that you’re actually enjoying yourself. 

“Well, I hate to do this but,” Walt looks down at his watch with a sigh. “It’s past my bedtime and my grandson should be here any minute. Merry Christmas, ma’am.” He says softly before leaving you alone. 

You turn the wheelchair towards the rest of the party and watch the other guests enjoying themselves. It doesn’t take long before the throbbing pain in your stomach draws your attention away from the guests. Reaching into the pockets of your dress, you pull out a small pillbox. 

Before you can look around for assistance in getting water, there is a glass being shoved in your face. You look up to see a small, baby faced man grinning at you. _Who the hell is this now?_


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

“You looked like you needed some help, so I thought I’d get you some water. I hope that’s alright.” The stranger holds the glass expectantly in front of you. 

For a moment, you have no idea what’s happening. “Uh. Thank you?” You take it and introduce yourself. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting.” 

“Oh! You’re Captain America’s girlfriend. I’m a huge fan of his work. Such a great guy. It’s so good to meet you.” You quickly swallow the painkillers as the man devolves into rambling. “I’m Ant-Man… I mean, I’m Scott Lang. Well, actually I’m both Ant-Man and Scott Lang, but I don’t know if I’m supposed to be telling people that. I’m kinda still new to this whole Avengers thing.” He shrugs. “Is it a secret identity? Everyone knows who Ironman and Captain America are so maybe it depends?” 

“Are you at all related to Tony or Peter?” You ask as you watch the man closely.

“Oh, man! No, but that would be _so_ cool!” Scott throws his hands up as he sits down across from you. “I mean, could you imagine the PR on that? We could be called the ‘Man Clan’! Like, Iron _man_ , Spider _man_ , and Ant- _Man_ !” He mimics an explosion with his hands as he lets out a soft ‘ _boom’_. “It would just blow your mind, right?!” 

“Sure.” Honestly, you have no idea what he is talking about. “So, how do you know everyone here?” 

He laughs at the question, shaking his head. “Oh, Captain America actually recruited me. Did he tell you that? I was, ya know, trying to help him save his friend. The grumpy one with the crazy cool metal arm. Have you met him? He’s a weird dude, funny, but weird… But he’s also very quiet. Kinda scary sometimes. You met him, right?” 

“Uh… Bucky Barnes? Of course.” 

“So, I mean, I feel like I should be a permanent member of the team. I know that I’m like never here but like, I’m Ant-Man.” His eyes are wide as he stares at you, as if realizing something important. “You’re really close with Captain America. Maybe you can put in a good word for me?” 

You look around for anyone that could save you from this very excited, too much energy man. “Um. Yeah, as soon as I find Steve, I swear I’ll tell him.” 

“Do you wanna do it together?” Scott eagerly asks. “I mean, in your state, you shouldn’t be messing around with those wheels. Not good for your wrists.” 

You shake your head as you look up at the man. “Honestly, all I have to do is press a button. It isn’t any work -” 

He cuts you off with a goofy grin. “Oh, stop, if I can help Captain America’s girlfriend then it’ll be a great day.” He pushes himself up from the chair and moves around your wheelchair. “It’ll be fun.”

“Fun?” You grip the armrests tightly as he starts pushing you through the party. 

Scott leans down, whispering in your ear. “Do you want to play a game?” 

You jump, not expecting him to suddenly be so close. “No, I do not.” 

“Oh, did I scare you? I didn’t mean to. I was just trying to make a joke.” He moves back from your ear as he continues to push you through the guests. “You didn’t get it though, did you? That’s okay, Captain America doesn’t get many references either. But that movie, I thought for sure Natasha would’ve made you watch it. It’s super scary. Well, the first one was but they made like seven of them. Should’ve stopped after three though.” 

Pretending to listen to him, you aggressively scan the crowd for Steve. _This is almost worse than torture._ Suddenly, the wheelchair stops and Scott quickly moves to stand in front of you. “Oh! I love this song. It’s the best Christmas song ever! Do you wanna dance?” His hands reach for the armrests, smiling brightly at you. “I mean… I know you really can’t dance right now but I can shimmy the wheelchair back and forth while I dance.” 

Before you can even fully process the question, you feel a hand on your shoulder. “She’s not much of a dancer.” You look up and let out a sigh of relief as your eyes meet Bucky’s. 

“You’re not? You look like you’d be a great dancer.” It’s obvious that Scott is a little let down by Bucky’s lie. “And you’re dating Captain America. I’ve seen that man dance before, with uh… What was her name? That girl he kissed?” He looks to Bucky who only shakes his head. “Anyways, he’s good. Well, not good but he definitely seemed to enjoy himself. But don’t tell him I said he wasn’t good. I really want him to like me.” 

“So where were you guys going?” Bucky asks, looking directly at you.

Again, you don’t have a chance to answer. “I was bringing her to see Mr. America. And then the-” 

“Who?” Bucky laughs, looking confused by the name. 

“Steve,” You say making eye contact with him. “He was taking me to see Steve.” 

Nodding, he looks back to Scott. “I’ll take her to _Mr. America_ , I got this.” 

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind. She seems really nice and we were having fun.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Bucky says as he turns and starts pushing you away from the other man. “Her and I are old friends.” 

You hear Scott calling after you, “It was so great to meet you! Can’t wait to see you again!” 

Once the other man is out of earshot, you look up at Bucky and sigh heavily. “Thank you so much. He wouldn’t stop talking and he asked if I wanted to play a game. It was really creepy.” 

“Steve told me that you told him to rescue me, so I’m just returning the favor.” Shrugging, Bucky looks down at you with a soft smile. “Lang’s a lot, sorry you got stuck with him.” 

“I don’t understand how a grown man that size can have so much energy..” 

“None of us do.” He pushes you towards the refreshment table. “Stark guilted me into manning the food, wanna hang out with me and avoid Lang for a bit?” 

You’re quick to nod as he puts the brakes on the wheelchair. “You shouldn’t let Tony tell you what to do, James. You’re nearly twice his age.” 

With a shrug, Bucky pours you a glass of eggnog and hands it over. “Eh, I deserve the guilt trip. And it’s a lot easier when he likes me.” 

With the way the painkillers dry out your mouth, you down the glass within seconds. “There’s no alcohol in this, right?” 

“Nah, I think I saw the kid drinking some earlier so you should be fine.” He shrugs as he refills your glass.

“Thank you.” You smile before taking a sip. “When did you get a haircut, by the way?”

Bucky runs a hand through his hair, grinning. “The day after we flew you home. You like it? I figured if Brooklyn could grow his beard back, I could chop off that mess of hair.” He shrugs, looking sheepish as he meets your eyes. “I’m not that person anymore so I didn’t need a constant reminder of what I was. ”

“I really like it. You look like you again.” Smiling back at him, you continue. “You were always very handsome, James. I didn’t like that the long hair hid your face.”

He says nothing but you notice a small smile that doesn’t leave his face as he turns away from you.

Falling into comfortable conversation, the time passes quickly. When your glass empties, Bucky refills it without even asking. Despite everything that has happened, you are almost grateful for it. You had missed being friends with him. Even though you swore that things would never be the same, it’s easy to make jokes and laugh with someone who has known you for as long as Steve has. 

In the middle of a conversation about Dot, your old friend, Peter bounces over to the table. “That dress looks really pretty on you.” He smiles at you. “I mean, you’re really pretty all the time but that dress makes you look even prettier.” 

“He’s more awkward than Steve was, huh?” Bucky looks at you before turning to Peter. “Hey kid, know how to ice skate?” 

“Uh. Yeah,” Peter nods. “Every Christmas Aunt May takes me to Bryant Park to go skating.” He looks around for a moment before turning back. “Oh! I really want you to meet her, she’s here! Is it okay, Mr. Barnes?” 

Bucky raises an eyebrow as he looks down at you. “Do you wanna go, Harvard?” 

It wasn’t how you intended to spend the evening but honestly, the excitement on Peter’s face is adorable. “Of course I’d like to meet your aunt.” 

“Alright but I’m gonna give you a mission.” Bucky turns to the kid, pointing a finger at him. “Any time that glass is empty, you refill it for her, got it?” 

Peter nods quickly as his hands move to the back of your chair. “Thank you, Mr. Barnes!” He calls as he pushes you away from the table. As you near one of the couches, you see Happy sitting comfortably with a beautiful brunette. The two are oblivious to you and Peter until the boy starts bellowing. “Aunt May! This is the girl I was telling you about!” 

The woman jumps slightly as she turns to look at the boy. “It’s nice to put a face to the name.” She extends her hand, smiling at you. “I hope he hasn’t driven you crazy yet.” 

“No, no. He’s a very sweet boy.” You shake the woman’s hand as Peter scurries away with your empty cup.

“Oh, he is.” May smiles at you. “But he can be a handful sometimes.” 

“I gotta tell you though,” You confide with a smile. ” When I first met him, I couldn’t help but wonder if he and Tony were related.” 

She leans down and looks at you with a light-hearted expression. “I completely understand. Sometimes I wonder the _same thing_ and I know they’re not.” 

“What do you wonder?” Peter asks as he hands you back your cup. 

“Nothing.” Both you and May say at the same time. 

The boy plops down beside his aunt as Happy excuses himself. “So, she’s actually Captain America’s girlfriend. Like from the 1940’s. Isn’t that cool? She’s almost a hundred.” 

“Peter!” May turns to him, embarrassment coloring her cheeks. 

“What? She looks _really_ good for being that old. Like c’mon, you’d never know.” 

The woman sets her cup down and pushes down her glasses, looking over them sternly. “ _Peter Benjamin_.” 

“Oh I’m in trouble.” He turns to you, eyeing your nearly empty glass. “You finished that quick, do you want me to get you another one Mrs. R.?” 

“Please.” You let the boy run off with your cup as you turn back to his aunt. “He tells me that I’m pretty very often. Steve doesn’t like it all that much but Tony finds it funny, so we just let it happen.” 

Laughing softly, May shakes her head. “If he ever gives you a hard time, just let me know.” 

You go to respond but a voice stops you. “Hey underoos? Where ya going with that?”

Turning in your wheelchair, you see Peter standing there with a brand new cup of eggnog in his hands and a taller man striding in his direction. May sighs behind you as she stands. “Oh god, what did he do now?” 

“I’m just bringing it over -”

“No. That drink is for the grown-ups.” The older man points to the crowd of adults. “Why do you have it?” 

“Oh I just… I…” 

“What? Are you holding it for a friend?” 

“Yes,” You say as May starts pushing your wheelchair towards the two men. “He was getting it for me.” 

The man shakes his head at you, sighing. “Ace, do you have any idea how much alcohol is in that?” 

May raises an eyebrow, looking down at you. “Are you not supposed to be drinking? It’s a Christmas party and you’re clearly an adult but ya know…” 

“Definitely not supposed to be drinking.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighs heavily. “Painkillers and alcohol… Not a good thing to mix.” 

“Howard, I’m fine.” 

“Not Howard.” He looks mildly concerned and moves toward the back of your chair. “And you’re _definitely_ not fine.” 

“What are you talking about? Of course you’re Howard.” 

The man rests his hands on the back of your chair. “May, please enjoy the rest of the party, but we’re gonna have to go.” 

May nods as he wheels you away from the others. 

“Let’s find Cap.” He suggests and you can’t help but giggle as you start moving. 

“Howard… I gotta tell you something.” You look up at the man, smiling. 

“Still not Howard but what’s up, Ace?” He leans over.

You grab his hand and start to ramble. “I just… Listen to me. I’m really sorry that I turned you down when you proposed. I love you but not like that and I really just wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be happy, Howard. Oh! Can you take me up in your plane later?” 

“I’m definitely still not Howard. And no, I can’t, you need to go to bed.” The chair stops moving and you grin as you realize that Steve is standing in front of you. “Cap. We got a problem.” 

Steve turns to look at the two of you, eyebrow raised. “What’s up?” 

Before the other man can answer, you jump in. “Howard won’t take me up in his plane because he’s mad at me for saying no when he proposed.” 

“What?” The taller man looks between you two, clearly confused. “Is she drunk? Howard proposed? What is happening?” 

“So. I’m pretty sure that she’s drunk, yeah. Lots of eggnog that was more bourbon than nog.” The other man replies with a shake of his head. “And since I’m not Howard, I’m not at fault here.” 

“Yeah, I get that but did you know your father proposed?” Steve doesn’t look angry, but he certainly doesn’t look happy about it.

“Not my story to tell, bud. Maybe when she sobers up, you can ask her.” 

You lean your head back to look at the shorter man. “Howard.” You whisper, tapping his arm lightly. “Howard…” 

“Okay, Ace… I’m _not_ Howard. Never will be.” He crouches down in front of you. “I’m Tony. Hell, I’m fine with Anthony, anything as long as it isn’t Howard.” You pout as you look at him and he sighs. “Fine. What?” 

“Why did you have those pictures of me in your trunk?” 

“I don’t know what pictures you’re talking about, Ace.” 

“Yes you do.” Smiling, you gently boop his nose. “The ones with the shield. I know you saw them when you brought me the trunks.” 

“Are you trying to get me killed?” The shorter man blanches, standing quickly.

Steve crosses his arms and frowns. “You saw those photos?” 

“Not on purpose, Cap, I swear.” Howard, Tony- whoever he is, gives Steve the military surrender while taking a step back. “You know I brought those trunks because I wanted the two of you to start talking again. The only reason I saw the pictures was because one fell out of a book she was holding.” 

“He really liked the one of me in the bikini.” You giggle and tug at Steve’s arm.

“Okay, I like being alive so you’re going to bed before he murders me.” The shorter man shields his eyes with his hands. “Let’s go.” 

Steve places his hand on the other man’s arm with a small smile. “I know she’s safe with you Tony, but I’ll take her.” 

“Goodnight Howard!” You call as Steve starts wheeling you away. 

“Sweetheart,” Steve says softly as he leaves the common room. “He still isn’t Howard.”


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight

Once inside your room, Steve helps you out of the wheelchair. You excitedly run your fingers through his hair, fascinated with how soft it is. He smiles as his eyes meet yours. “Steven, I love that your hair is a little longer. It looks really good on you, I mean, you know I think you’re handsome all the time but I like this.” 

You cup his cheeks with both of your hands, squishing his face. “It’s funny though because I think Bucky looks  _ so _ much more handsome with his short. It was awful when it was covering his beautiful blue eyes. A different blue than your blue -”

“Okay.” He cuts you off, taking your hands and placing them on your lap. “There’s a lot to unpack here.” 

“I don’t understand,” You giggle, looking around. “I don’t have any bags.” 

Steve crosses his arms and smiles down at you. “Even drunk, you’re still so pretty.” 

“Thank you!” You say, still giggling. “Howard thought I was pretty too.” Suddenly you need to explain to him about Howard. It’s so silly that you never told him. “Oh Steve! I am so sorry.” 

“For what?” He asks you as he kneels down to take off your shoe. 

You touch his face, trying to get his attention. “For Howard. For him proposing to me. I swear that I didn’t want it to happen, it was a huge surprise when he did it. It was in front of -” 

“You don’t need to apologize for that, sweetheart.” He touches your hand, moving to sit beside you on the bed.

“No but I do! I shouldn’t have accepted his invitation out in the first place. After Daddy threatened me at Dot's house, I was so afraid of being alone, and you were gone. Howard was such a good friend and I know you told him to keep me safe.” 

“I understand that,” Steve says gently. “What I don’t understand is why he asked you to marry him after three dates?” 

“Oh.” You say playing with the sleeve of his dress shirt. “I lied about that.”

“You what?” 

“It was three months, not three dates.” You look up and give him a smile. “You seemed so uncomfortable with the idea that I didn’t want to upset you.” 

“Nothing you could do would ever upset me.” 

“Well now  _ you’re _ lying.” You pout, pointing at him.

He looks genuinely surprised at your words. “What am I lying about?” 

“I always disappoint you.” 

“No, you definitely don’t.” He says, shaking his head, causing you to make a face. “How on earth do you disappoint me?”

You try to count off on your fingers. “With my field work, letting myself get kidnapped, and -” 

“Nope.” He cuts you off immediately. “We’re not having this conversation right now.” 

“See,” You mumble sadly. “Now you’re upset with me.” 

“Darling,” Steve softly touches your cheek and you look up at him. “I promise you that I’m not upset. Can we talk about something else though? Like the fact that Howard proposed?” 

“You really want to know about that?” As he nods, you continue, “The diamond was  _ really _ big and he was really sweet about it but I just… I didn’t love him.” You blink slowly, considering your words. “I mean, I did love him but just not in that way.” 

He shifts on the bed. “Uh huh.” 

“And I just didn’t want that for my future.” Feeling bold, you reach for the buttons on his dress shirt. “I wanted to marry  _ you _ and I wanted to have babies with you. Lots of them.” 

You get two buttons undone before he reaches for your hands to hold them. “What are you doing?” 

“I still want to have babies with you. Lots of cute, chubby little babies that look just like you.” Tugging your hands away, you go right back to unbuttoning the shirt. As your fingers work, you lean back and pull Steve with you. The man falls forward, hands coming to rest on either side of your head as you stare up at him. 

With his shirt completely unbuttoned, your hands move down to work on getting his belt off. “What... Ah, whatcha doing?” He asks, gently removing your hands.

“Stevie, can we have a baby?” You coyly smile up at him.

The question takes him by surprise and he can’t hide his shocked expression. “Not right now.” 

Sadness fills you and somehow the words make you want to cry. “Why not? Do you not love me enough?” 

“I love you more than anything in this world but -” He pushes himself up before reaching to help you sit back up.

“So I’m not pretty enough?” That  _ must  _ be it then. Why else wouldn’t he want to have a baby? “Do you think we’d have ugly babies?” 

“What? No, I don’t think our children would be ugly.” Steve chuckles, slowly attempting to re-button his shirt. “You are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met.” 

You cross your arms angrily, trying your best to look serious. “Steven, why can’t we have a baby then?” 

“We’re back to ‘Steven’ huh?” Standing from the bed, he walks to your dresser and pulls open the second drawer. “Because sweetheart, you’re in a cast and you were shot. In the stomach.” 

“Oh.”  _ Well that makes sense. I guess. _ “You’re right. I forgot.” 

“I haven’t.” He hands you a set of pajamas that you don’t want to put on and you scrunch your face in displeasure. Ignoring your face, he smiles and tells you to put them on. “I’m gonna get you some water and some aspirin.” He says as he turns around. You smile and reach out, lightly touching his butt before he can get too far. The man twists his upper half, looking between your hand and your face. “Whatcha doing beautiful?” 

“I like your bum.” Removing your hand, you smile at him. He shakes his head with a soft laugh and makes his way over to the small kitchenette.

You hear the water running as you stare down at the nightgown in your hands. You remember being shot  _ and _ you remember lying to him in the hospital. Without meaning to, tears start to fall. If he wasn’t disappointed in you before, you know he will be now because it wasn’t a small lie. 

As you let out a sob, you hear the cup drop and Steve whips around. “What happened?!” He asks, rushing back over to you. “We were fine two seconds ago.” 

“I lied to you.” 

“Do you not like my bum?” Steve raises an eyebrow at you. “I mean, it’s okay. I don’t care.” 

“No it’s not that.” Mumbling, you look up at him. “I  _ do _ like your bum.” 

He stares at you expectantly. “Okay…” 

“In the hospital,” You start, between sobs. “I lied to you. I said I never gave up hope but I did. I didn’t think you were coming.” 

Shaking his head, he moves back to the sink to shut off the water. “Sweetheart, you had been through something awful. It’s normal to feel like that.” 

“No you don’t understand.” You look down at your hands as the man crosses the room once more. “I didn’t know how long it had been and he just kept hurting me. And he said that you weren’t coming. That you never cared about me… And I believed him.” 

Steve sits down on the bed and reaches out to wipe away your tears.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore,” The words spill out before you can stop them. “I wanted the pain to stop, it was too much. I... I  _ wanted _ him to kill me.” 

His eyes widen in horrified shock as he stares at you. From his expression, you know that he doesn’t want to hear this but you can’t stop talking, you need to get it out.

“Schmidt told me that I was useless to you. That I always had been. And I believed him because it had been so long and I didn’t think anyone was looking for me. I’ve caused you nothing but trouble since I got here.”

Finding his voice, Steve whispers. “Darling,” His eyes search yours softly. “That isn’t true at all.” 

“Yes, it is. The only reason you became that monster was because of me. Everything you did to me, it was all my fault. I deserved it.” Beside you, Steve tenses at your words. You sniffle as tears continue to run down your cheeks. “I shouldn’t even be here. I shouldn’t have gone on that mission back in ‘46. What happened to me was all my fault, I should’ve died a long time ago.” 

“Hey, hey.” He leans over and cups your face in his hands. “Please don’t say that.  _ None _ of this is your fault. And you absolutely did  _ not _ deserve what  _ I _ did to you.” 

“But it is.” You sob, dropping your head onto his chest. “I don’t deserve to be here with you. I don’t deserve to be happy.” 

“Where is this coming from?” He asks, wrapping his arms around you. ”You deserve this as much as I do. As much as anyone else in this world.” 

The rest of your words come out unintelligible as you cry into his shirt. Steve holds you, gently rubbing your back as he whispers words of reassurance that you wish you could believe.

After a few minutes, your eyes start to feel heavy. You hear him whispering that he loves you and soon after that, the allure of sleep is too strong. Still in the warmth of his arms, you let yourself drift off.


	39. Chapter Thirty-Nine

Before you open your eyes, you’re aware of two things. One, it is entirely too warm under the blankets of your bed and two, you are absolutely  _ not _ alone in said bed. 

You open your eyes as you go to push yourself up and realize that not only are you not alone, but it’s Steve who is asleep beside you with his arm draped over your stomach.

You nudge his arm, whispering his name but it doesn’t wake him. The man is dead to the world. You take stock of the fact that not only are you in a cast but Steve’s heavy arm is preventing you from going anywhere. Your head is also  _ pounding _ . Glancing around the room, you let out a sigh of relief when you see the water and aspirin on your bedside table. 

Quickly taking the pill and downing half the water, you let your eyes wander over the bed. Both of you are still fully clothed and you’re the only one under the blanket so clearly nothing happened. But you can’t help but wonder how you got here. The last thing you remember is mistaking Tony for Howard.  _ I definitely have to apologize to him. _

The rest of the night is fuzzy. You remember crying but you don’t remember what caused it. The man beside you shifts and you turn to look at him, shaking him harder this time. It takes him a moment before fully coming to and when he does, he jumps out of bed, startling you in the process. “What’s wrong?” He asks, looking around the room. 

“Nothing?” You tilt your head as you watch him. “Can you sit down please? You’re making me nervous.” 

“Sorry,” Sitting back down, he gives you a small smile. “I didn’t know where I was for a second. Don’t usually wake up in your room.” 

“About that… Why are you here? Not that I mind too much but… Why?” 

Steve raises an eyebrow. “How much do you remember about last night?” 

“I remember calling Tony, Howard.” 

Nodding, he chuckles. “More than once. Even after he insisted that he wasn’t.” 

“Well, that will be a fun conversation.” 

“Speaking of fun conversation…” He awkwardly settles himself back against the pillows. 

“Oh no…” 

“So Howard proposed huh?” Steve crosses his arms with a slight smile. “With a  _ big _ ring.” 

You stare at him for a moment before taking your head in your hands. “Oh sweetheart, I didn’t tell you because -” 

“Oh I know why. You told me- in painful detail.” He cringes before smiling once again. “You also told me that you thought Buck was handsome with his short hair, should I be concerned?” 

“What?” Furrowing your brow, you shake your head at him. “No, of course not.” 

“Good, because you didn’t tell me that you liked _ his _ bum.” He shrugs as a playful smirk settles on his lips. “You told me you liked mine.” 

Your hands drop onto your lap as you stare, wide eyed. “I’m sorry… What?” 

Steve chuckles as he speaks, “Yeah, you kinda cupped it when I went to get you water.” 

“I did what?” 

He raises an eyebrow, considering you. “Didn’t hate it, was just really surprised.” 

“I am  _ so _ sorry, Steve.” 

“No, don’t be. It was kind of adorable.” He takes your hand in his, smiling brightly. “Also liked that you called me Stevie again. Haven’t heard that in a long time, kinda missed it.” 

You feel the heat rise in your cheeks and you look down at your lap. “I don’t even remember drinking.” 

“Yeah well I’m gonna have words with some of the team about that. Apparently the eggnog that Buck kept giving you was ‘more bourbon than nog’ - Tony’s words.” 

Slipping your hand from his, you go to push the blanket over. “I can’t imagine what you must think of me right now, I’m so sorry.” 

Taking your hand again, Steve gently stops you from getting into your wheelchair. “Hey, hey. It’s completely fine. I don’t think any less of you but there is something else we need to talk about.” You freeze, warily staring at the man now. “There was a lot of crying last night.” 

_ Oh God…  _ You thought you had a pretty good handle on everything that had happened so you can’t imagine what you had said. “W… Wha…” 

“So,” He starts softly and you try to interrupt him. “For a second, please don’t talk. I need to get this out.” You nod and he continues, “For what you endured at that bastard’s hands, it’s natural that you would feel as hopeless as you did. But darling, please know that I will always come for you. There is nothing on Heaven or earth that could keep me from you.” 

You stare up at him, mouth open slightly in shock. “Hearing you say that you wished he had killed you broke my heart.” He says softly as you sit in silence. “I wish I had never given you reason to doubt me so you would’ve known I was coming.” 

With tears welling up, you drop your gaze to your lap. “You are not useless either.” Steve gently lifts your chin, eyes searching yours. “You are the most important person in my life, you have been since the day I met you.” 

You turn your head away from him, not wanting to hear anything else that you told him.  _ What else could I have said?  _

“Sweetheart,” His voice is soft as he speaks again. “What I did to you, it isn’t your fault. It will  _ never _ be your fault. You did nothing wrong and you absolutely didn’t deserve it.” 

“Steve,” You look back at him and see that his eyes are wet. “I-” 

“No.” He shakes his head. “There is nothing you could ever say to convince me that any of this was your fault. It’s my own. If I had been stronger, I would’ve been able to fight it.” 

Leaning forward, Steve rests his forehead against yours. “You belong here, as a member of this team and you belong here with me. You deserve happiness. I don’t know where all the doubt came from. If I caused it, I am so sorry, but I will swear it to you again - I will spend the rest of my life making sure you feel safe, wanted, and loved.” 

“I  _ do _ feel those things,” You gently wipe the tears from his cheeks. “It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do. Very much so. It’s just been a really tough year and everything that I bottled up just spilled out of me.” 

“I want you to be able to talk to me about these things so that this doesn’t happen again.” 

“I can try and I promise not to doubt you again.” Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath to try and settle your thoughts. That was a lot more than you had expected. “Thank you for being here.” 

“Of course,” He says simply. “I love you.” 

You open your eyes again and focus on the man in front of you. You  _ do _ love him. For months, that thought had been constant but you haven’t been able to say it back to him since before the incident. You look up through your lashes. “I love you too.” 

As he leans in to press his lips to yours, there is a soft knock at the door. He freezes for a second before giving you a quick peck. “Yes?” He calls out, a very small hint of frustration in his voice. 

“You two decent?” You hear Tony call back. 

With a roll of your eyes, you respond. “We were never not.” 

Tony opens the door with a smile, holding a small tray with coffee on it. “Well that doesn’t sound like a fun night.” 

“Maybe for you.” You laugh as you meet his eyes. “I got handsy with his bum, it’s really tight.” 

Processing your words, Tony looks visibly startled. Both men stare at you, open mouthed and confused. “So that’s cool…” He says as he lifts up the tray. “Brought you some coffee. Just wanted to know if mom and dad were feeling like coming down to breakfast. Pepper’s gonna cook.” 

“We both need to shower and change, so give us an hour and we’ll be down.” Steve says, standing to take the tray from the other man. During the exchange, Tony is making uncomfortable amounts of eye contact.  _ What on earth has gotten into him?* _

Steve offers you a cup of coffee as he places the tray on the bed. You accept the cup graciously and inhale the rising steam, “This smells amazing.” You say as you bring the cup to your lips. “Thank you Anthony. I promise we’ll be right down.” Tony nods and backs out, making the strangest face in your direction as he shuts the door. 

Glancing at his watch, Steve informs you that your nurse should be here in about ten minutes to help you get ready. “Do you want me to wait with you?” He asks, picking up his own coffee cup.

“No, no. That’s not necessary.” You answer after taking another sip. “I’ll just drink my coffee and wait for Abby.”

Cup still in hand, he leans down to kiss your cheek. “I’ll be back at 0915.” You smile as he begins to walk out of the room. 

“Steve?” You call out softly before he can fully exit.

With his hand on the doorframe, he turns his upper body to look back at you. “Yes, darling?”

“I love you.” You answer with a small smile before looking down at your cup.

“I love you too.” He says and when you look back up at him, his smile reminds you of when you gave him the bear you had won. He told you he had fallen in love with you that day. In this moment, you are completely sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Tony's internal monologue  
> Got handsy with his bum? What does that even mean? Does the Cap like butt stuff? But they're fully clothed... I don't understand. I can't tell anyone... I gotta tell everyone. But no one's gonna believe me. It's too ridiculous to not be true though. I'm making a lot of eye contact, I gotta stop staring. I should've sent the kid, he offered. Why did I tell him no? Why am I still staring...


	40. Chapter Forty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting next week, we will be posting one chapter a week!

0915 on the dot, there is a knock at your door. Smiling brightly, you wheel yourself over and pull it open. Steve stands in the doorway, smiling down at you. He is wearing a plain t-shirt and jeans but yet, you’re overwhelmed with just how handsome he really is.

“You look beautiful.” He says softly, moving behind your wheelchair. Before starting down the hall, he kisses the top of your head. 

“Thank you, sweetheart, I tried to match the cast but I didn’t have any hospital grey in my closet.” You jokingly tell him. The wheelchair stops moving and you crane your neck up to question why he’s stopped. When you look, Steve is doubled over and you worry for a second that something is wrong. He leans back and lets out a full belly laugh. You can’t help but laugh right along with him when you hear how infectious his is.

After a few moments, he leans forward to kiss you. “God, I missed this.” He says, touching your cheek. 

“So did I.” You admit with a smile. Still chuckling, he starts pushing the chair again and within a matter of minutes, you’re making your way into the common area. 

*At the table, Sam, Bucky, Rhodey, Peter, and Tony are all excitedly chatting. The second the two of you enter the room, there is silence. Five sets of eyes are on you and you shrink down slightly in the chair. You’re uncomfortable by how they’re all just staring. “Merry Christmas Eve, everyone.” You say awkwardly looking between each of them. 

They all mumble a response as Steve wheels you over to the table and he settles himself into a seat beside you. As he reaches for the orange juice, everyone is still staring. 

“Okay, I can’t.” Rhodey shakes his head. “I gotta know… The butt? Really?” 

Looking confused, Steve responds softly. “What about it?” 

“She got handsy, huh?” Glancing between the two of you, Rhodey reaches for his coffee mug. 

Steve pours your juice and then reaches for his own glass. Without looking up, he answers, “Yes?” 

“Did you guys talk about it first?” Peter stares at you, eyes wide. “In school, they taught us that it was important to talk about all that stuff before you do it.” 

“No?” Steve asks, clearly just as confused as you are. “She just went for it when I got up to get her water.” 

Sam slams both hands down on the table, causing you to jump. “No prep?! I know you’re a super soldier but come on!” 

“What kind of prep would you need for that?” You ask, folding your arms across your chest. “It’s not like he didn’t like it.” 

“You can’t be serious…” Sam shakes his head as he speaks. 

“Completely serious.” Steve shrugs, glancing over in your direction. “Wasn’t expecting it but, yeah I didn’t hate it.” 

“I’m sorry, did you use your fingers?” Rhodey asks, concern etched onto his features. “Or something else?” 

You shake your head, turning to Steve. “No, I used my whole hand. Is there another way to do it?” 

Peter leans forward, using his fork to point at you. “Wait… So you really stuck your _whole hand_ up Captain America’s bu-” 

“What?! No!” You’re quick to cut the boy off. No one needs him to finish that sentence. “Why would you ever think that?” 

“Well, Mr. Stark said…” The boy trails off, setting down his fork and shrinking slightly.

The excited chattering stops and everyone falls silent again as you turn and look furiously at the man next to you. “Anthony said what?” 

“Anthony said _nothing_ , that’s what.” Tony freezes and pushes his chair back, eyes wide as he meets your gaze.

“No, Mr. Stark you said -” Peter turns his attention to the older man, looking confused. 

“Kid.” Tony pleads, waving his hands at the boy. “Please, if you value _my_ life… Stop.” 

“Peter.” Your voice is firm when you address him. “Continue.” 

Shrinking down further, his eyes shift between the two of you. He looks as if he’s being scolded by two very upset parents and he clearly isn’t sure who to listen to. “I… I think I wanna go home now.” 

“Great idea, kid.” Without hesitation, Tony pulls his phone from his pocket. “I’ll call May.” 

“Anthony Edward, put that damn thing down.” When the man doesn’t move, you reach over and pluck the device from his hand. You set it in your lap and turn back to the teenager across from you. “Peter Benjamin. You tell me what he said.” 

“Sorry Mr. Stark.” Peter glances over to Tony, very apologetically. “He said that you told him that you got handsy with Captain America’s butt and that it was tight.” 

Shaking his head furiously, Tony gestures to himself with both hands. “I did no such thing!” 

“Oh you didn’t?” You whip your head towards him, cocking it to the side. “Then how did they all hear that?” You aggressively gesture to the table and the man visibly winces. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. must have told them.” Tony points up quickly. “Right, F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Sorry boss but I have no recordings from suite 17. Do Not Disturb has been on since around 2200h.” 

Tony closes his eyes and tips his head back. He lets out a heavy sigh before speaking again. “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.” 

Leaning out from the kitchen, Pepper is trying to hold back her laughter. “Okay, so I’ve heard this whole conversation and someone needs to explain what really happened. If I keep laughing like this, breakfast will not be coming any time soon.” 

“She did get handsy, she kind of cupped a cheek.” Awkwardly beside you, Steve shows them the motion. 

“And I said it was tight because it is.” Shrugging, you gesture towards Steve’s lower half. “He has a very nice bum.” 

“Okay. Stand up, Captain.” Sam claps his hands together and motions for Steve to stand. “Sorry but I gotta feel this butt.” 

Folding his arms, the man shakes his head. “I’m not getting up.” 

“Nah Brooklyn, I think you gotta.” Bucky, who has been suspiciously silent, says with a wide smile. “This conversation just happened at the breakfast table and you know they won’t let it go until you do. And for the record, I told Stark that he was wrong when he came down here yelling it.” 

Steve shoots his friend a look before turning to the rest of the team. “If I do this, we will never speak of this again, correct?” 

Everyone shrugs and the man sighs heavily as he stands. You take your head in your hands as each one of them takes a turn cupping Steve’s butt. _How did we get here?_

“Hey Ace?” When you look over at him, Tony is smirking. “This is your life. You’re so lucky.” 

Ignoring Tony, you turn to Bucky. “James, you could've stopped this at any time. But instead, you said nothing and let this conversation go on for far too long.” 

“To be honest,” Bucky shrugs. “It was really funny to watch both of you being super uncomfortable. You were as red as when I caught you and Stevie on Dot’s couch.” 

“Wait… Wait…” Tony pipes up, leaning in closer to you. “Who is Dot and when were you and the Golden Boy on her couch?” 

Holding up a finger, you shake your head at him. “No. We’re done.” 

Pepper, thankfully chooses that moment to fully walk out of the kitchen and inform everyone that breakfast is ready. She crosses the room to lean on the top of Tony’s chair. “And I don’t serve you, so if you want to eat, go get it.” Everyone stands and she turns to grab the sleeve of Tony’s shirt. The man stops dead and looks back at her. “Get her a plate. It’s the least you can do after that mess.” 

Tony nods and hurries after the rest of the team as you laugh softly. “I really wish you weren’t in Malibu.” You say, looking up at the other woman with a smile. “I could use backup when it comes to them. Being a woman here is tiring, I feel like I’m mothering them half the time.”

“Well, what about Nat?” Pepper asks, sliding into Tony’s seat. 

“What about her?” You know that if she had been there, she would’ve made Steve remove his pants. “She’s very nice but honestly, she’s more like one of the guys.” 

“That’s very fair.” When she smiles, her eyes crinkle at the corners. Between that and her red hair, you’re reminded very much of your best friend. “You know I’m only a phone call away.” 

You look up as the men start to trickle back into the dining room. “Usually, all I have to do is threaten to call you and Anthony behaves himself.” 

“That’s not true.” Tony says indignantly. 

Both you and Pepper turn to look at the man, eyebrows raised and instead of pressing the matter further, Tony asks if you like bacon. “Yes, I do. Thank you.” You take the plate from him and he slides down into a chair opposite his fiancee. 

The rest of breakfast passes without incident. As you and Pepper chat about the suits that Tony has built for the two of you, you watch as Sam and Rhodey get up from the table and head towards the elevator. Before anyone else at the table can move, Steve clears his throat and everyone turns their attention to him. 

The man leans back, crossing one arm and points at Peter, Bucky, and Tony with the other. “Once you’ve cleared your plates, come back here. We need to have a chat.” His tone leaves no room for argument and the other three men just nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *  
> Tony: -comes barreling into the room- You guys are NEVER going to believe this!  
> Everyone stops talking and turns to him  
> Peter: What Mr. Stark?  
> Tony: Cap likes butt stuff.  
> Bucky: -silent, raising both eyebrows in confusion-  
> Sam: Stoooop  
> Rhodey: Tone... Did they say it? Did you walk in on something? We need more information here.  
> Tony: Nah. Ace just came out and told me.  
> Pepper: Tony. -heavy sigh- What exactly did she say? -She walks into the kitchen-  
> Tony: She said and I quote, "I got handsy with his bum. It's really tight."  
> Sam: -pushes back from the table- Ooo! I know what THAT means  
> Bucky: I don't think you do. I've known that kid since he was a LITERAL kid. I don't think -  
> Peter: Nah Mr. Barnes, that's exactly what it means. We just talked about this in school  
> Bucky: Okay but even if he did, there's no way in hell they would ever tell you.  
> Tony: Well, she did.


	41. Chapter Forty-One

Three grown, well _mostly_ grown men sit across from you. Steve is leaning back in his chair silently, arms crossed as his eyes move between them. The three men glance uncomfortably between both Steve and you, waiting anxiously for one of you to speak.

“Okay so,” Peter pipes up, looking down at his hands. “Is this about the toaster because I really didn’t mean to break it. F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me that it was okay, that she’d just order a new one.” 

The thought derails you completely and you turn to stare at the boy. Steve and Tony also seem to be confused as their eyes settle on him. “You broke the toaster, kid?” Tony asks with mild annoyance. 

“So it’s not about that then… That’s cool.” Peter glances up briefly. 

“When did you break it?” Tony raises an eyebrow at the teenager, waiting for more information. 

Before Peter can respond, Steve clears his throat beside you. “That can wait.” He places both hands on the table and raises an eyebrow. “So, let’s talk about the alcohol in the eggnog.” 

“I had no idea Mr. Rogers. Mr. Barnes told me just to keep her glass full, I swear.” 

“Maybe next time, we don’t blindly follow orders, huh?” Steve lets out a heavy sigh, shaking his head at the boy. “Maybe we find out what’s _in_ the drink we’re giving to someone.” 

“Well I didn’t think there was anything bad in it. Mr. Barnes-” 

You reach across the table and gently touch the boy’s arm. “No, no Peter. It’s not that there was anything bad in it. It’s just that I had no idea when I was drinking it. Alcohol and pain medication shouldn’t be mixed.” 

“I don’t understand how you couldn’t tell.” Tony shrugs. “It was like two to one bourbon.” 

“Yeah, I’m getting to you next.” Steve points to him before looking back at Peter. “Just please be more careful next time. We don’t want this to happen again.” The boy nods and Steve motions for him to leave. 

Without hesitation, Peter pushes his chair back and hurries from the room. Steve then turns his attention to Tony and before he can say anything, you speak, “Do you do this every year? Do you really spike the eggnog that much?” 

“Well it’s kind of a tradition.” Tony rubs at the back of his neck as he meets your eyes. “Honestly, Ace, I don’t know how you couldn’t tell. I could smell the bourbon from halfway across the room.” 

“There was alcohol everywhere and we were right near the bar so I assumed whatever I was smelling was coming from that -” 

Tony cuts you off, leaning in slightly. “And you couldn’t taste it?” 

“Let me finish, please.” You sigh. “The pain medication dries my mouth out so much that I don’t taste much. Honestly, it was more like milk than anything.” 

“Her tasting or smelling it isn’t the point, Tony.” Steve shakes his head again. “You should’ve said something about it being spiked. What if Peter had drank it?” 

“Didn’t realize I had to announce it to the party.” Tony retorts with an eyeroll. “Barnes knew and he wouldn’t have let the kid have any.” 

“You stuck me on drink duty, that’s the only reason you even told me about the stupid thing.” Bucky crosses his arms as he sinks down into the chair. 

Glancing over to Steve, you can see his eyes narrow at his best friend's words and you’re sure you know what he’s thinking. _James did this on purpose._ “Tony, you don’t have to announce it to the party but maybe you fill people in who are taking pain meds.” He says, barely pulling his eyes from Bucky. 

“Sure thing dad, can I go? I have last minute gifts to get.” Tony’s already standing as he speaks. Steve nods and the man makes his way out the door. He turns back before he leaves and glances at you, all traces of humor gone from his face. “Ace, you know I didn’t mean for -”

You cut him off quickly. “I know Tony. It’s alright.” He smiles and heads out. 

Bucky looks between the two of you and lets out a heavy sigh. “So am I grounded?” 

“Buck. You knew.” Steve’s voice is low, his anger barely controlled. “Not only did you know but you kept giving it to her for hours.” 

You move your hand to Steve’s arm as you watch Bucky roll his eyes. “And you lied to me about it.” You turn to Bucky, gesturing back and forth. “You and I were just starting to be okay and this is what you pull? James, what is wrong with you?” 

Completely ignoring Steve, the other man focuses on you. “I wasn’t trying to start anything Harvard, but you’ve had such a shitty year.” He uncrosses his arms and leans forward. “Honestly, you’re wound tighter than Steve’s ass. I just wanted to help you relax and _maybe_ sleep through the night for once.” 

“I had just taken pain medication, James.” 

“It could’ve killed her.” Steve interjects, disappointment coloring his tone.

“If I had known you had just taken them, I wouldn’t have given you so much.” Bucky raises his hands in surrender. “All I wanted was for you to relax a little and have fun. It’s Christmas.” 

“There are other ways to go about that, Buck. Ones that don’t end with her crying herself to sleep.” You quickly turn, giving Steve an angry glare. It hadn’t been any of Bucky’s business what had happened in your room. “I’m sorry but I felt like he needed to know.” He says with a shrug. 

“Wait, you cried yourself to sleep?” When you glance up and meet Bucky’s eyes, you find them full of concern. “Are… Is everything okay?” 

“I had a lot of feelings and thoughts that I… I wasn’t sharing with anyone.” You look down at your lap, feeling slightly uncomfortable. “Apparently, when intoxicated, I’m rather chatty.” 

“Not that that wasn’t okay.” Steve reassures you, reaching over to take your hand. 

“I know that.” You squeeze his hand. “But it really wasn’t the best time to be discussing what’s happened to me.” 

Bucky softens and reaches out a hand to you. “Harvard, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to get _that_ drunk and I certainly didn’t want you to get upset like that.” His eyes move to Steve. “Brooklyn, you know I didn’t mean to put her at risk. She’s like a sister to me.” 

“I don’t want to say it’s fine but I understand what you were doing.” Steve sighs softly, crossing his arms. “Just _please_ don’t do it again, Buck.” 

“You have my word.” Bucky stands from the table with a nod. With one last glance to you, he makes his way from the dining room. 

“Well, I’m glad that’s over and done with.” You turn to smile at Steve, thankful that the situation’s been dealt with. 

Turning your chair to face him, the man gives you a serious stare. “Actually, I got a couple more things to discuss.” 

“With me?” 

“With you.” The man confirms as he leans back in his seat, laying his palms on his upper thighs. He lets out a soft sigh and speaks again, “So, you want babies?” 

Your stomach drops and you can’t help but just stare at him. “What?” 

“That’s what you told me last night.” Steve explains, smiling while he crosses his arms. “To be exact, you want a lot of cute, chubby babies that look like me.” You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks as the man continues. “If we’re being honest, I think that chubby babies that look like _you_ would be more adorable, but that’s not the point.” 

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have -” 

“No, don’t be sorry.” He jumps in, uncrossing his arms and reaching for your hand. “It’s a perfectly fine thought to have. I’m just not sure if it’s even possible for that to happen, but we can find out.” He pauses and gives you a wide smile. “Though I think it would be best if we were married before that.” 

“I agree.” You nod, happy in the thought that marriage and babies are things that Steve still envisions with you. 

“I also think that we shouldn’t be living here when that happens. Too many dangerous things that kids could get into, I mean,” he cracks another smile as he watches you. “Have you _seen_ Tony’s workshop? There’s parts of his suit all over the place.” 

“I’ve tripped over more than one thing in that place.” You agree with a laugh. “He really needs to learn how to pick up after himself.” 

With a small chuckle, Steve nods. “Now that drunk thoughts aren’t ruling your brain, how many are a _lot_?” 

Taking a second, you consider just how many children you do want. Not the question you had thought you’d be answering, but you don’t mind that it’s been asked. “I always imagined us having three.” 

“Three isn’t a lot.” He chuckles. “I thought you were going to say seven or eight.” 

“Good lord, no.” You shake your head, pressing a hand to your chest. “Where would we put them all?” 

“That’s what I’m saying.” 

With both of you laughing and Steve willing to try for children once you’re married, you think the conversation is over. After all, what else would he need to talk to you about? As the man goes to open his mouth, Tony steps into the room, hands raised as he quickly darts past you. “Sorry! Forgot my Starkpad in the kitchen.” 

“You have like ten of them.” Steve rolls his eyes at the smaller man. 

Tony shrugs, “Yeah but that one’s my favorite.” He says as he disappears into the kitchen. It takes him a few moments before returning. The man waves it as he apologizes and crosses to exit the common room.

Once he rounds the doorway, Steve turns to look at you. “So, there’s one more thing we need to talk about and you’re not going to like it.” 

The way he says it isn’t unkind but you feel your heartbeat quicken nonetheless. “What do you mean?” 

“What haven’t you told me?” 

With your thoughts racing, you stare at him with a blank expression. There was nothing else that you could think of that you had buried down. He knew everything that you had tried to hide. 

“About your father, sweetheart, what haven’t you told me?” 

“Darling, you know everything.” 

“I don’t.” Steve shakes his head, not meeting your gaze. “When you were talking to me about Howard last night, you said you didn’t want to be alone after _‘daddy’_ threatened you.”


	42. Chapter Forty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we said we'd be posting once a week but since the world is in a weird place, we figured everyone could use a little something.
> 
> Side note. We've hinted at the past parental abuse but now we're diving in.

When you don’t say anything right away, Steve continues, his voice soft. “What did he do? Did he hurt you?” 

“He hit me.” You admit softly. “If Dot hadn’t come home when she did, it would’ve been worse.” 

“Sweetheart,” He closes his eyes briefly, letting out a long breath. “I know this is hard and that it’s Christmas Eve, but do you think you’d be up for telling me?”

You take a deep, steadying breath as you close your eyes and begin to explain everything to him.

_It had been the first 4th of July after Steve’s supposed death. Not only was the four month anniversary about to pass, but it was also Steve’s birthday. The pain you had felt from the loss was still overwhelming. You had been determined to not leave the house, all you wanted to do was to hide out in your room with some tea and a stack of correspondence between you and Steve. Anything that would take your mind off of the day and remind you of what it was like to be happy._

_Dot and a few of her friends had been going to the beach to see the fireworks and enjoy the sun. She had begged you to go for days but each time you told her no. So when she had knocked at your door, you sighed heavily and opened it, leaving a hand on the door frame._

_“Sugar, I really wish you’d come with us.” The redhead’s lilting drawl had usually made you smile. The girl had been able to charm anyone with her voice and you had known she was trying with you right then._

_Again, you sighed. It had been the same conversation over and over again. “I’d just rather stay here.”_

_“It’s not good for you to be cooped up like this.” Dot had shook her head at you. “All you do is go to work and come home to your room. I barely see you anymore Sugar. I miss my best friend.”_

_“I haven’t gone anywhere.”_

_“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” She had softly wrapped her manicured fingers around your hand. “The day he died, it was like you did too.”_

_You had dropped your gaze so she wouldn’t see the tears forming in your eyes. “Dottie, please.”_

_“I understand it’s hard, Darlin’. Trust me, I do, but he wouldn’t want this for you.” She had lifted your head up with her fingers. “If he could see you now, you know he’d tell you that he didn’t want you to stop livin’.”_

_“You knew today was going to be hard for me so please, just let me grieve the way I need to.” Meeting her eyes, you had softened when you had seen the concern there. “We can go out Friday, we can go dancing if you want.”_

_Dot had reached out, gently tucking hair behind your ear. “Do you promise?”_

_“I do, you can drag me kicking and screaming if that’s what it takes.”_

_“Alright Sugar,” She had said with a laugh. “I’ll hold ya to it.” Satisfied with your answer, she had started heading down the hall. “I’ll be back once the fireworks are over.” She had called just before you had heard the front door close._

_Running your fingers through your hair, you had headed towards the kitchen to start the kettle. What Dot had said, had hit you hard._ ‘The day he died, it was like you did too’ _. You hadn’t realized that you had gotten that bad. It had been four months but the pain of it felt like it had happened yesterday, and you still had no idea how to move past it. Or if you ever would._

_The whistle of the kettle boiling had brought you back to the moment and you had been quick to turn the burner off. It hadn’t taken you long to make your cup of tea and as you had headed back towards your bedroom, a letter in your hand, a knock on the door had stopped you._

_“Did you forget your key again?” You had asked, setting both the cup and the letter down as you had made your way to the front door. You pulled it open, expecting to see Dot’s smiling face but instead you had looked up into the angry eyes of your father. “Wh- How… How di-” You couldn’t form a full sentence as the large man pushed his way into the house. Instinctively, you had stepped out of the way, heart racing._

_“If you_ really _didn’t want me findin' ya, you shoulda moved to a city where ya uncle isn’t on the force.” His heavy Boston accent had assaulted you as he slammed the door shut. You had jumped at the sound and immediately dropped your eyes when the man moved closer to you. “For someone with an expensive college education, ya so damn stupid. Maybe if ya had actually finished, you woulda learned somethin'.”_

_He had grabbed your upper arm and forced you to sit down on the couch beside him. “Daddy,” you started softly. “What are you doing here?”_

_“Heard ‘bout ya dead_ hero _and I came to bring you home, where ya belong.”_

_The words had sent a shiver down your spine and you couldn’t stop yourself from nervously fidgeting with your dress. “Daddy, I am home.”_

_“This shithole of a city? This ain’t ya home.” He had gestured around Dot’s house. “And_ this _is a whorehouse. Ya uncle has been keepin' an eye on you for me and he’s told me about the men that come and go all night.”_

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Ya don’t?” Your father had walked toward the mantle and you quickly followed behind him. “What the fuck is all this then?” His eyes had moved over the pictures there before picking up one of you and Dugan. “These all men you been spreadin' ya legs for?”_

_You had let out a horrified gasp. “Daddy, of course not.” Your eyes had flown to the picture of you and Howard and the picture of you and the Howling Commandos. “I work with them.”_

_He had snorted before settling the frame back on the mantle. “Yeah, I bet you do.”_

_“Daddy, I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t be.There’s pictures of Dot and her boyfriend as well. You can see that.” You had gestured to the couch. “Should we sit down and talk?”_

_“Well if ya not the one spreadin’ ya legs for half of New York then clearly that redheaded harlot is sluttin’ ‘round enough for both of ya.” Sparing a hard glance at Dot’s picture, he had crossed his arms and moved to sit back down. With a soft sigh, you had followed. “Either way, I don’t want ya around her.”_

_“Daddy, please don’t speak…” Thinking better of talking back, especially when it had come to Dot, you had trailed off. “I have a job and a life here. I’m not leaving.”_

_He had moved his hand to your knee, gripping it harder than necessary. “Ya still_ my _little girl and if I tell you that ya comin’ home, ya comin’ home.”_

_Your eyes had welled up with tears at his words. Why hadn’t you just gone with Dot when she asked? His other hand had gently wiped away your tears, a gesture that should have calm you but instead it had only instilled fear. “Ya boyfriend’s dead princess. You ain’t got no reason to stay anymore.”_

_“Daddy,” You had tried to interject but stopped when the man had raised his hand, threatening to strike. “My job, my career is here.”_

_“Ya can get a new job in Boston, plenty of places will be lookin’ for secretaries.” He had lowered his hand back to his lap as he looked you over. “Or you can stay home and take care of me, just like ya momma used to.”_

_His eyes had moved to Steve’s letter you had stupidly left on the coffee table. “What the fuck is this?” You flinched as he had leaned over, fingers grazing the paper._

_“It’s nothing Daddy.” You had tried to grab the letter before he could. “Just an old letter, really. Don’t worry about it.”_

_Panic had unfurled in your stomach. You hadn't wanted him to see any of your letters to or from Steve. They had been personal and you had been afraid that if he saw them, his image of “daddy’s little girl” would've been cracked. You had known he would get angry and you were terrified of what he would do._

_His hand had roughly grabbed your wrist, stopping you from reaching the table. “If it’s nothin' Princess, then you won’t mind me lookin' at it.” His eyes had scanned the letter, face contorting in rage with each passing line._

_“You little floozy.” Your father had met your eyes furiously. “This ain't nothin', it’s a fuckin' love letter. He never asked for my blessin' to speak to ya that way. Ya lucky he’s dead. If he wasn’t, the boys and I woulda had to teach him a god damn lesson for touchin' my little girl.”_

_His words had hit you like a wave of ice water. How could he have spoken so callously about Steve when he had given his life to save everyone else’s? Your father had released your wrist and grasped the edge of the paper with his fingers. Before you could stop him, he had torn the letter in half. “You don’t need this shit. Just confirms that ya need to come with me. I’ll take care of ya.”_

_“Daddy no!” You had grabbed his hand without thinking._

_His backhand had caught you by surprise and it knocked your head to the side. You had gone to touch your cheek but quickly put your hand down, having known better than to react to the pain in front of him. “Don’t fuckin' tell me what to do.” His voice had been deadly calm despite his apparent anger. “Now I’m sure of it. Get ya shit together. That’s the end of it.”_

_Going home with him had been the last thing you wanted but right now, you didn’t see any way out of it. James had been long dead. Steve’s body still hadn’t even been recovered. Dot wouldn’t be home for hours and you knew you wouldn’t have been able to call Howard or Dugan. There had been no one to help you. Your only hope had been to stall for time until you could come up with something. “I’m so sorry Daddy, let me go pack my things.”_

_“That’s my good girl.” Your father had allowed you to stand. “Before you do, go make ya daddy a drink. And maybe throw a little makeup on, huh? How is anyone supposed to respect you if you don’t respect yaself enough to look presentable.”_

_You had nodded before hurrying into the kitchen in hopes of finding anything for him. It had taken a few minutes of looking through every cabinet for you to realize that there was nothing. “Daddy,” You said as you stood in the doorway to the living room. “I’m sorry but we don’t have any liquor in the house. I can make you coffee or tea, if you’d like. Or I could cook something, I’m sure it was a long drive.”_

_Without a word, he had pushed himself from the couch and crossed the room in three steps. “Nothin’ for guests? What kind of a house are you runnin’ here?” The back of his hand had connected with the back of your cheek again faster than you had anticipated. “I raised ya better than this.”_

_“I’m sorry. If I had known you were coming, I would’ve -”_

_His backhand had connected with your cheek a third time and you couldn’t stop yourself from crying. “You woulda what? Hidden? Called the police?” His low chuckle had rumbled through him. “I am the goddamn police, kitten.”_

_You had shivered and kept your eyes trained on the buttons of his shirt. “I’m so sorry daddy, it won’t happen again.”_

_“Damn right it won’t fuckin' happen again.” Your father had agreed. “When we get home, I’m gonna have to reteach ya some manners.” He had turned, walking back to the couch. “You got ten minutes to get ya shit together or you leave with nothin’.”_

_Without a word, you had hurried into your room and closed your door. Once you had been sure the door was shut, you had leaned against it, slid down to the floor and allowed yourself to cry for a moment. You had stood a few minutes later and grabbed a suitcase from your closet, and started to fill it. It hadn’t taken long before you had shut it and started back down the hall._

_The creak of the floorboards had caused you to freeze and look up. You had been expecting your father’s angry face but this time, it was Dot’s. She had looked you over, taking in your scared expression and your suitcase. “I_ knew _it was his damn car out there.” The redhead narrowed her eyes at you. “You are_ not _leaving with him.”_

_“How-”_

_“I came back because I forgot my cheaters.” She had crossed her arms as she spoke. “Saw his car parked right out front and came ‘round back to be safe.”_

_“I don’t want to make him angrier, I have to leave with him.” You had said softly, looking away from her._

_The other woman had gently taken your chin in her hand, forcing you to look at her. Her eyes had traveled to the welt that had been forming on your cheek. “He did this, didn’t he.” It hadn’t been a question and you knew it. “Jesus Sugar, that looks bad. How many times did he hit you?”_

_“Dottie, you don’t understand.”_

_“You’re right. I don’t. How many times.” She had lowered her hand to your shoulder and sighed heavily._

_“Three times.” You had whispered, avoiding her eyes. “But I deserv -”_

_Dot had cut you off quickly. “Absolutely not. You never deserved that abuse. That monster of a man has treated you like his punching bag for long enough.” She had let you go and pointed to you. “You stay right here. That bastard is leaving_ my _house and I don’t care if it’s on his own or in a bag.” She had said as she disappeared into her room._

_A few seconds later, Dot had returned with her pistol in hand. “Betsy and I are gonna go make him leave. You should stay here.” Without waiting for you to speak, she had walked off._

_You had followed her, trying to get her to stop. But as you both had rounded the corner to the living room, all the fight had left you._

_“_ Albert _.” Dot had addressed your father firmly._

 _“_ Dolores _.” He responded as he had stood from the sofa._

_“I’m gonna need you to leave my house.” She had said calmly, pointing her pistol at your father. “Now you can do it on your own or you can do it in a body bag. It don’t matter none to me.”_

_Rolling his eyes, your father had taken a couple steps towards the two of you. “You won’t use that thing.”_

_“You know my daddy raised me to protect myself.” Dot had held the gun steady. “Do you really wanna test my aim?”_

_He had taken another step forward, eyes moving from the gun to you. “Princess, is this really who you want to be associated with? Cheap women who threaten your daddy?”_

_You went to speak but Dot cocking the gun had stopped you. “There’s nothing cheap about me but I will tell you, I inherited my mama’s temper so I’m not gonna ask you again.” She had leveled the gun back in your father’s direction. “Git out of my house.”_

_“Princess -”_

_“You heard Dot,” You had stepped forward but stayed close to your best friend. “I’m not leaving with you daddy. Get out.”_

_He had stared at you for a moment, annoyed at your defiance. “If I leave, ya gonna regret it.”_

_“If you don’t git, you’re gonna regret it.” Dot had angrily countered._

_“The way ya attitude’s gotten since being with her, I bet America’s golden boy crashed his goddamn plane on purpose.” He had crossed the room as he spoke, only turning back to you when he had pulled the door open. “Probably the only way he could think to be free of you.”_

_You had held yourself together until he was through the door and as Dot had crossed the room to throw up the deadbolt, you had collapsed into tears. The feeling inside you had been one of absolute terror and heartbreak._

_Once the door had been locked, Dot had made her way back to you and gently took you in her arms. There had been a long few moments where neither of you said anything as she had rubbed your back._

_“Sugar,” she had finally said. “You know none of that was true. The Captain loved you more than anything.” You had known she was right, but it had been too late. The damage of your father’s words had already been done._

When you look at Steve, you realize you’ve been crying. You had been too absorbed in the memory to notice at first. The man stands from his seat and gently wraps his arms around you. He lets you cry for a few minutes before speaking, “There’s nothing I can say that would make this better for you, but I’m really proud of you for being able to tell me all of that.”

He kisses your forehead gently. “I’m so sorry that you had to live through your father’s abuse one more time and I wasn’t there to stop him.” Leaning back, Steve gently cups your face, eyes searching yours. “That man can’t hurt you anymore and I am so grateful to Dot for being there to help you. If she were still alive, I’d thank her personally.” 

You nod as he continues softly, “And you do know that I didn’t crash the plane because I didn’t want to be with you. I was trying to save the world from crazy Nazis.” 

“I know.” You can’t help but smile slightly at his words. 

“I would’ve moved Heaven and earth to get back to you, sweetheart. You were and still are the love of my life.”

Hearing a clatter behind Steve, you lean to peer over his shoulder. Tony freezes mid reach for his fallen Starkpad as your eyes meet his. “So,” he takes a step into the room as Steve turns around. “Do you want me to pretend that I didn’t hear any of that? Or are we going to acknowledge how much of an asshole your father was?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side side note - Here's a little bit of the sassy redhead we've mentioned a few times. Hope you enjoy her as much as we do.
> 
> Side side side note - Please excuse any past tense mistakes, it's late and our brains are a little mushy with all this self quarantining.


	43. Chapter Forty-Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's something a little cute to take your mind off this weird world we're in. 
> 
> Hope everyone is staying safe!

Tony takes a step into the room, glancing between the two of you. “‘Cause I’m just saying, I know a thing or two about shitty fathers.” He shakes his hands in front of his body quickly. “Not that your father and mine are comparable but the Howard Stark you knew is _not_ the one I grew up with.”

Sensing the escalating discomfort in the room, Steve jumps in. “Tony, I don’t think -”

You put a hand on his arm to stop him. “No, it’s alright. I got through that easier than I thought I would.” You motion Tony all the way into the room. “I’m alright to talk about him. Quite a bit of time has passed, I know he can’t hurt me anymore.”

Tony pulls out a chair from the end of the table and drags it closer to you until the three of you are huddled in a small group. “Ace, you know if you didn’t want to talk about it - I’d pretend I heard nothing and go about my business.”

“I know that.” You promise softly. 

Nodding, the smaller man starts with a gentle tone. “Was he always like that?” 

“My father was _always_ short with me, quick to anger, even when I was very little. I got slapped a few times when he didn’t like something I did. His job was stressful and for a long time I thought that was the reason for his temper. He would cuss so much that I started flinching whenever somebody swore. That’s why I don’t like it.” Taking a deep breath, you look down at your lap. “He was a police officer in Boston.” Steve takes your hand in his and squeezes it in encouragement.

“I had no way of knowing that his ‘I have a temper’ excuse was hiding something much worse. When I turned about eight or nine, he got promoted to Chief of Police.” Your voice is soft but surprisingly steady. “Shortly after that was the first time he hit me hard enough to leave a mark. It escalated pretty quickly from that point.”

Anxiously, you fidget with the hem of your dress. “The older I got, the worse it was. I wasn’t allowed to wear anything but pink, frilly dresses, I had to call him ‘daddy’ all the time - I was his ‘little princess’ no matter how old I got. Even something like going to school was a fight, but in the end, he let me go - only because it made him look good.” You glance up to Tony. “And he never let me forget that the only reason I was going to Harvard was because he allowed it and if I made him mad, he could take it away.” 

“What do you mean ‘take it away’?” Tony asks, confused by your words.

Subconsciously, you tug at the sleeves of your dress. “Well, he was paying for it so I had to go home every weekend and let’s just say that I got very good at hiding bruises.” 

Watching you intently, Tony shakes his head in disbelief. “Did you not try to leave? No education is worth you getting hurt like that.” He turns to Steve, eyebrow raised. “You didn’t have anyone that could help you?” 

“If I had known her, I would’ve put an immediate end to it.” The taller man shakes his head with a soft sigh. “After her mother died and I found out the truth, I did.” 

“But there had to be someone who would’ve taken you in.” 

“My high school best friend knew and when she moved away, she’d tell me all the time to transfer to a school in New York. But I couldn’t leave my momma alone with him.”

Tony opens his mouth to speak but you hold up your hand. “Things changed when I met your father. His job offer was the part of the reason I left. When I spoke to my momma about it, she tried to talk me out of it and then that night, she told my father everything. He was so furious with me. It was then that I realized that if I stayed, I’d end up just like my momma. And I didn’t want that for myself. So Dottie, my friend in New York, helped me get away.” You smile as you cross your arms. “Mind you, it was in the middle of the night with two suitcases and a cherry red convertible. I moved in with her and started working with Howard a few days later.” 

“Took me a while to even talk to her.” Steve rests his hand on your leg with a smile. “The first time I saw her, I made a complete ass out of myself.” 

“Yeah…” The smaller man glances between the two of you. “You know I’m gonna need that story.” 

You smile, opening your mouth to respond but Steve gently squeezes your leg. “No, I got this one.” Confused, you raise an eyebrow at him. “You’re gonna make me sound less like an ass.” 

“Sometimes you’re an ass.” Tony shrugs. “I don’t care who tells me about it, I just wanna know.” 

“She was standing outside of Howard’s office, holding a coffee cup... I had just gotten back from overseas and I was exhausted from that flight. So, I asked her to get me a cup and she jumped and scurried away to get me one.” Steve starts to explain, glancing over to Tony.

Tony laughs softly, shaking his head. “I can’t imagine you scurrying anywhere for anybody.” 

“It was a very different time and I didn’t know Steve…” You gesture towards the tall man beside you. “He’s a very big guy, as was my father.” 

“Hence the reason I felt like an ass.” Steve shrugs. “So when she came back with it, your father got really confused and asked what she was doing. I told him that I had sent her to get coffee and Howard just busted out laughing.” 

Tony gestures for more information. “Because…” 

“I would make Howard get his _own_ coffee, sometimes he’d even get mine.” 

“Oh so you thought…” Tony stifles a laugh as he trails off. 

“Yes.” Looking down, Steve lets out a soft sigh. “She wasn’t anybody’s secretary. She was on his weapons development team.” 

Raising an eyebrow, Tony lets out a low whistle. “Little bit of a douchey thing, Cap.” 

“I’m aware and trust me, when she was comfortable with me, I apologized a lot.” 

“Steve got me a lot of coffee after that.” You smile, reaching for the man’s hand as he looks up at you. “And tea, and hot chocolate. Honestly, any other beverage that I didn’t know I needed.” 

“I’m glad that things worked out the way they did and that you took the job with my father.” Tony leans back, resting his chin against his fist. “I’m sure you kept him on his toes. I am sorry that that’s what you grew up knowing though. No one deserves to be treated like that.” 

“You’re right, _no one_ deserves that.” You meet his eyes with a soft smile. 

“I didn’t have it nearly as bad as you did but it is what it is.” Tony smiles, sitting up to nudge your arm. “I think we turned out pretty okay.” 

***

Christmas Day and New Years were quiet and to be honest, that’s exactly what you had needed. You had been hoping to be out of the cast by Valentine’s Day but unfortunately, you had another week or so to go before they could clear you. So instead of going into the city like you had wanted, you and Steve had a romantic dinner at the compound. It had been perfect in its own way even though it hadn’t been what you had pictured. 

Three days after your cast is removed, you’re making your way out of your office when you realize that the compound is oddly quiet. You poke your head into Tony’s office and then Steve’s but neither of them are there. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Where is everyone?” 

“Captain Rogers has instructed me that if you did not ask for him by 1800h, he requests that you go down to the common room.” 

Leaning on your crutch, you tilt your head in confusion. “Why?” 

“All I’m allowed to tell you ma’am, is that he is creating a Do-Over.” 

“A Do-Over?” You press the button to the elevator. “What is Steve doing over?”

Your question goes unanswered as you step inside. When the elevator door opens, you look up to see Steve standing there, grinning. From behind his back, he produces a single rose and offers it to you. You smile as you take the flower from him. “What’s going on?” 

“A Do-Over.” He says, extending his arm to you. You loop your arm through his and he takes your crutch, slowly leading you towards the common room doors. 

You go to open your mouth to ask what he means when Steve shushes you. “You don’t _always_ have to know all the answers. Just trust me.” 

“Can I at least ask where everyone is?” 

“I booked the compound for the night,” he says as he pushes open the door. “Everyone is gone.” 

“How did you-” You stop as your eyes take in what Steve has done with the common room. The lighting of the room is soft hues of red, illuminated by flickering candles on nearly every available surface. In the center of the room, sits a small round table covered by a gingham tablecloth. 

You turn to look up at Steve in complete surprise. “You did all this? When did you have time?” 

The man nods, leading you into the room. “Of course I did. We didn’t get to have the Valentine’s Day you wanted so I had to make it up to you.” He explains as he pulls out the chair for you to sit. “You spend so much time in your office that it was easy to pull this off. And, I had a little help.” 

“The candles were Tony’s idea, weren’t they?” You ask softly, looking up at him as you ease yourself into the chair. “Don’t get me wrong, I love them but it just seems like a very Tony thing to do. The man has no regard for fire safety.” 

He laughs as he moves to sit across from you. “Yeah, I know it’s a lot. Tony was so excited and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was probably a hundred too many.” Pointing to the table with one hand, he takes yours with the other. “Don’t worry, there’s a fire extinguisher.” 

“God, I love you.” 

“And I love you.” He gives your hand a gentle squeeze as he grins.

Looking around the room for a moment, you smile as soft music starts to play. “So,” you move your eyes back to his. “What do you have planned for this evening, Soldier?” 

Steve gives you a wide grin as he watches you. “Well, ma’am, we’re gonna have a little dinner. Don’t worry, I didn’t cook.” You laugh softly, shaking your head as he continues. “Then I figured we could do a little dancing, help get some strength back in your leg. And lastly, I pulled some of our old love letters from the war. Thought it might be nice to reread them together.” 

“That sounds perfect.” You say softly as the man pushes himself back and makes his way into the kitchen. _I can’t believe he did all of this for me. He_ really _is the sweetest man I’ve ever met._

A little later, once Steve has cleared the plates from dinner, he holds his hand out to you and smiles. “May I have this dance?” He asks as the track switches to your song. 

“I was hoping you’d ask.” You take his hand and he gently helps you up, making sure that you’re steady on your feet. Letting Steve guide you around, you rest your head against his chest and just close your eyes as the music plays. “I could stay like this forever.” 

“I completely agree.” His voice is soft when he speaks but you can feel the rumble in his chest. “It always felt like home when you were in my arms.” 

As the song ends, he leads you over to the couch. He opens a bottle of wine as you settle in, holding the letters in your lap. You each take turns reading the letters out loud and when you finish your second one, you look up. You’re not sure if it’s the wine or the lighting but something in you makes you reach out and gently run your fingers through his hair. 

Setting the letter to the side of him, he looks over to you and smiles. “Hi. Whatcha doing?” 

Having a moment of boldness, you climb into his lap and straddle him. “Shush.” You smile softly as you rest a hand against his chest. “Stand down, Captain.” 

“Yes ma’am.” He leans back against the cushions, letting you have complete control over the situation. 

Softly you pepper kisses along his jawline, smiling as each one draws a small sigh from the man in front of you. Both of your hands move to cup his face as his left hand circles your waist, pulling you closer to him. Your eyes flutter shut as you close the distance between you. His lips are soft and hesitant against yours, moving slowly but savoring every moment. You sigh into his mouth and he deepens the kiss, pulling back only to let you run the tip of your tongue against his bottom lip. 

Without thinking, you slide your fingers into Steve’s hair, tugging slightly to pull him closer. The hand at your waist moves up to rest on the back of your neck while his other hand moves into your hair. You freeze for a moment and he pulls back, searching your eyes. “Is this okay?” He whispers hoarsely. 

You stare at his lips for a second and nod before leaning back in to kiss him. He gently nips at your bottom lip and you feel desire starting to pool within you. Without breaking the kiss, your fingers move from his hair to his dress shirt. Steve slides the hand from your hair and rests it on your upper thigh while you start to undo the buttons of his shirt. Your fingers move quickly as his hand starts to slide up your dress. 

Needing air, you finally break the kiss and when you meet his eyes, you notice that they have darkened with desire. As you move to kiss his neck, Steve swiftly shifts both of you so that you are laying beneath him and you re-adjust to make things more comfortable. He leans back down, kissing you deeply as his hand snakes back under your dress. 

“ _Oh_!” 

You’re so involved with what’s happening right now that you don’t register the ‘oh’ right away. When you do, your eyes flash open and your hand moves to Steve’s chest to stop him. _That’s Tony’s voice._

Steve glances over his shoulder and lets out a heavy sigh. You lean your head to the left and your eyes lock with Tony’s. “Why are you _here_?” The words slip out with more frustration than you wanted but it was too late. 

“Uh… I live here.” The smaller man responds. His eyes move from yours to Steve’s back and then to your legs, where you know he can see your garter belt. 

“No, here in this room. Right now.” Pushing himself back, Steve sighs again and helps you up as you adjust your dress. “You told me you wouldn’t be back until the morning.” His voice is hoarse and slightly annoyed. 

“I wasn’t gonna be but there was a phone call from the Secretary of Defense. I couldn’t access what I needed to from the car so you know, had to come back.” Tony puts his hands up in defense. “We were definitely hoping to be in and out before you noticed. I heard a noise and _come on,_ we definitely thought you’d be upstairs by now.” 

“ _We_?” Both you and Steve ask, heads whipping around. 

From the doorway, Bucky salutes the both of you without meeting your eyes. “Yeah, Barnes and Wilson came with me.” Tony says, slowly heading towards the door. 

Holding documents high above his head, Sam appears in the doorway bellowing, “I got ‘em! Let’s get outta here before -” He stops, eyes landing on you and Steve. “Oh! Where was _this_ headed?”

“I don’t know but it always starts with them on the couch.” Bucky murmurs and when you see the look in his eyes, you know he didn’t mean to say that outloud. 

Tony grins as Sam laughs, gesturing to the two of you. “Well don’t stop on our account.” 

“Get out.” Steve commands with gritted teeth and you watch as all three men scurry away. When he turns back to you, his tone is much softer. “Where were we, sweetheart?” 

“Well, Captain.” You smile. “I believe your hand was up my dress and I had gotten your shirt completely unbuttoned.” 

He looks down, smirking. “That you did. Shall we go back to that?” 

“Absolutely but maybe we should go upstairs?” Leaning forward, you blow out a few of the candles. 

“I agree.” Steve stands, taking your hand to help you from the couch. “Because if we get interrupted again, I’m sure it will be far more compromising.” 


	44. Chapter Forty-Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand here's something extra! With everything shutting down, we were able to get more written than we expected.

Tony had been asking you to look over the changes he wanted to make to your suit for weeks. Staring at the screen, you scrunch your nose at the schematics for the new design and cross your arms. “Anthony,” you say with a sigh. “I’m fine with whatever upgrades you want to make. I trust your ability to modify the suit and make it stronger.”

“Yeah I know you do Ace,” Tony shrugs, looking down at his Starkpad and starting to make adjustments. “But I wanted your input. You lived through what happened to your original suit. You have to have some opinion. I mean, I wanted to make my next suit vibranium resistant after your man drove his damn shield through my chest plate.” 

Looking up from your notes, you stare at him with wide eyes as the man continues. He doesn’t even look away from his screen. “And I didn’t even think about adding the bulletproof glass to it until I had to rip off Barnes’ arm to stop him from cracking the reactor.” He glances at you, as he trails off, “I’ll include that in your…. What’s wrong?” 

Raising an eyebrow at him, you lean forward. “What?” 

“What what?” 

“What are you talking about?” You place a hand on his desk as you speak. “Because it sounds like Steve and James attacked you.” 

“Oh…” He gestures towards you with a panicked expression. “So what are the odds that I can convince you to pretend you heard none of that?” 

“Zero, Anthony. Tell me what happened.” 

Tony anxiously points towards the small bar by the windows. “Do you want a drink because I need one if we’re going to do this.” 

Leaning back, you cross your arms and shake your head at him. “Okay cool, well I’m still gonna have one.” He says, pushing himself up to pour a drink. As he sits back down, he stares into the whiskey glass for a moment before meeting your eyes. “Where do I even start?” 

“Well, the beginning I would assume.” 

“The beginning? Yeah… Good place.” He nods absently. “So first, I was born in -”

“ _Anthony_.” 

Tony sighs, making deliberate eye contact with you. “Look, I _really_ don’t want to talk about this Ace.” 

“Either you talk about it or I go find Steve.” You shrug casually. “One way or another, I will know what happened.” 

“Fine.” Taking a long sip, he looks away from you again. “You know Barnes killed my parents.” You nod and allow him to continue. “Well, your boyfriend knew and lied about it. So, when I found out and got mad, they tag-teamed me.” He shrugs. “They destroyed my suit and left me to die in the frozen wasteland of Siberia.” 

“Are you being dramatic or is this actually what happened?” 

Tony gives you the scout’s salute. “Scout’s honor.” 

“What do you mean, you got mad? There has to be more to it if they got upset enough to attack you. Steve would never hurt you like that without cause.” When you’re only met with silence and a shrug, you sigh and ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. the location of the other two men. 

“Both Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes are in the Captain’s office. Would you like me to get them?” The A.I. responds. 

“Yes, please. Tell them it’s urgent.” 

From the other side of the wall, you hear the scraping sound of a chair and turn to watch Tony shrink down in his own seat. He covers his eyes with one hand and grips his glass with the other. As the door to the office opens, you hear Steve’s panicked voice, “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” 

You stand, looking between all three men. “Sit.” 

When neither of the soldiers move, Tony starts speaking without moving himself. “So before this gets going, I need you to know that I wasn't complaining at all. We’re good. We’ve been good.” He takes a long sip from his drink. “I was explaining to Ace the modifications I was making to her new suit and I started rambling about the ones I made to my own suit,” He pauses, peeking out from under his tented fingers. “After Siberia.” 

“ _Shit_.” Steve plops down in your vacated seat. “Tony, seriously?” 

“Language.” Bucky mumbles from the doorway. “Good luck Stevie.”

“Oh no, you’re involved too.” You point to Bucky then to the other empty seat. “Sit down.” 

Immediately, Bucky lowers his head and moves to the chair. “Yes ma’am.” 

You lean forward, placing your hands on the edge of the desk. “So, who wants to explain to me why you decided to beat Tony up after he got upset that James killed his parents.” 

For a minute, the room is silent. “This office is really small right now.” Tony mutters, finishing off his drink. 

“I can do this all day.” You promise as you glance between the three of them. “All my reports are done.” 

With a heavy sigh, Steve starts to explain, “There’s a lot more to it than that, sweetheart.” You incline your head in his direction but say nothing. “Tony came to us with a set of laws that the Secretary of State wanted us to abide by. They controlled the Avengers, honestly it was more like being a government slave. We didn’t agree on it and Tony and I had our differences.” 

“Because you were being dangerously arrogant about the unchecked power that we had.” Tony jumps in as he stands to refill his glass. 

“You could’ve gone about it a different way.” Steve responds, eyes following the smaller man. “You could’ve come to me and we could’ve figured something out. Something that worked better for everyone.” 

“Yeah and that would’ve worked until,” Tony gestures towards Bucky with his glass. “This one supposedly started killing people. And you _still_ chose him over me.” 

Steve sighs and nods in Tony’s direction. “You’re right.” His eyes move to you. “To be fair, when Tony realized that Bucky _wasn’t_ behind all the murders that the secretary thought he was, he found us in Siberia. He wanted to help us but there was another player that we didn’t know about. He was the one that had actually committed all those murders and he brought the footage there, knowing that Tony would find it.” 

Bucky clears his throat and meets your eyes when you turn to him. “After he watched what I did to Howard and his wife, I knew that he would come after me. So did Steve, he even tried to stop him. But, Tony clocked him right in the face. So we fought.” 

You twist your head, eyes narrowing slightly. Tony had conveniently left that part out. “Hey! He deserved it. He knew about it and he _lied_ to me. You don’t lie to friends!” 

“And you don’t hit friends!” Pushing yourself off the desk, you pinch the bridge of your nose. Sometimes, dealing with these three was like dealing with children. You take a deep breath and drop your hand to your side. “So how did this get resolved?” 

When none of them respond, you fold your arms across your chest. “Again. I can do this all day.” 

“Well, I mean…” Tony downs the rest of his second drink. “We didn’t speak for like a year.” 

“So none of you apologized?” You watch as all three men just shake their heads. “Great, so let’s do that now. Who wants to go first?” 

“Ace, we’re grown men.” Tony clinks the ice in his empty glass. “We don’t need to apologize, we got over it a year before we pulled you from that Hydra base.” 

“Am I correct in assuming that this is the first time that you’ve even spoken about it?” You ask and they just nod. “So, we’re apologizing. ”

Steve sighs, glancing over to his best friend. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t find you sooner, maybe this whole thing could’ve been avoided. Trust me Buck, we were trying.” Eyes moving to Tony, he lets out another sigh. “And Tony, I apologize for not telling you about your parents. I can tell myself that I was trying to spare your feelings all I want but really, I just didn’t want to deal with the fallout of it.”

Crossing the room, Tony sets down his empty glass. “Well, I’m sorry that I pushed the accords on you so hard. We were partners in this whole thing and I should’ve come to you first.” He says softly as he moves back into his seat. “It’s really hard for me to apologize for any of my actions in Siberia but I did let my emotions get the better of me and I’m sorry for that.” It wasn’t exactly the apology you had been hoping for but given the circumstance, you know it’s the best you’ll get. 

The three of you turn to Bucky, who shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “At one time or another, I tried to kill everyone in this room… So sorry for that.” When you clear your throat, his eyes move to Tony. “I truly am sorry for what I did to your parents. Howard was a friend and you didn’t deserve to find out that way.” 

“So next time, God forbid, promise me that you will talk to each other.” You lean against the wall and cross your arms. “You are the three most important people in my world, I can’t stand the idea that you all hated each other for a while.” 

“Hate’s a strong word Ace.” Tony laughs, breaking the tension in the room. “And look, because of you - Barnes and I are decently civil. I call that growth.”

“I’m gonna put it out there now,” Steve smiles up at you and reaches for your hand. “You’re gonna make a great mom one day.” 

Standing from his chair, Bucky chuckles. “Yeah, if I was your kid, I wouldn’t want to piss you off.” 

“Good.” You raise an eyebrow at the men. “Remember that for next time.”


	45. Chapter Forty-Five

“Okay so how does this work?” Peter asks, as he walks with Bucky into the common room. Quickly, he jumps over the back of the sofa and settles into the cushions. “Do we go by how many years you’ve been around the sun or how many birthdays you’ve been awake for?” 

Bucky walks around the couch and sits on the arm chair opposite you. He makes a puzzled face, as if he’s deeply considering his options. “Well if we do it by the years around the sun, I think it would triple me in age so I dunno.” He raises his glass in your direction with a smirk. “Harvard? What do you think? How old does that make you?” 

You smirk right back at him and pretend to be offended by his query. “James, you _never_ ask a lady that question.” You press your hand flat to your chest, in mock outrage. “Either way, I’m not going to age beyond twenty-seven.” 

“Well _that_ just seems grossly unfair.” Tony complains from his position behind the bar. As he pours the cocktail shaker into a waiting glass, he rolls his eyes at you with a smile.

“Agreed.” Steve laughs as he grabs the glass from the bar. He settles onto the arm of your chair as he takes a drink.

Playfully, you smack at his forearm. “Hey hey hey, you're supposed to be on my side.” 

“I am!” Steve exclaims, lifting his glass into the air so it doesn’t spill. “But you can’t just stop aging.” 

“I did and so did you.” You point out, smug in the knowledge that neither of them can argue with you. “So did you James.” You say, twisting your body to face him once again. “So, I say birthday boy makes the rules.”

“Excellent point, Harvard. My birthday, my rules.” Bucky laughs, crossing his arms. “I have spoken, twenty-nine forever.” 

Peter has been watching the exchange with growing excitement and a wide smile. “So basically just a free day to drink and eat cake?” 

Bucky nods sagely. “Basically.”

“Sounds good to me.” Tony pipes up. “I’m gonna stop aging too.” 

Steve laughs as he turns in the direction of the bar. “Sorry Tony, the Frozen For Decades club isn’t accepting new members right now. Maybe next year?”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Who needs a new drink?” 

“Me!” Peter raises his hand hopefully causing you to turn toward him with a stern expression. You open your mouth to object. He may be an Avenger, but he is still a child.

Tony however, beats you to it. “Not gonna happen kid.” He slings a towel over his shoulder and pops the top of a can of soda clearly meant for the teenager.

“Why?” Peter complains, crossing his arms petulantly. “It’s basically punch.” 

Bucky laughs when he sees Peter’s face. “It may taste like punch but I promise, two of those will feel like you’ve been punched in the face” 

“You can’t hide the taste of alcohol, James.” You roll your eyes and you see four sets of amused expressions turn to you. “The eggnog was different! I was on heavy pain medication.” 

“Well, Harvard.” Bucky announces, standing from his seat and crossing the room to you and Steve. “You’re just gonna have to try it.” He plucks Steve’s drink from his hand and gives it to you with a smile. 

“Tony,” Steve makes a small sound of annoyance before glancing over his shoulder in Tony’s direction. “I’m gonna need a new one.” 

Rolling your eyes again, you lean the glass close to your nose and smell the contents. “You don’t even know if I’m going to like it.” 

“Yeah I do.” Tony smiles as he begins pouring a mixture of alcohol into the shaker. “I’m very good at this.” He reaches under the bar for a new glass. “If this Avenging thing didn’t take off, I could’ve made a killing as a bartender.”

“Right, but only if Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist didn’t work out either.” You take a tentative sip. It has a fruity, sweet taste and no uncomfortable burn after. “Oh… That’s delicious. You _really_ can’t tell there's alcohol in it.” 

Steve gets up to get his new drink. “That’s the point, Doll.” 

At Steve’s words, you’re immediately sent reeling into a memory of _that night_. It’s a sharp visceral thing as you feel the color drain from your face. You can feel your heart racing, fluttering wildly against your rib cage. Your chest feels impossibly tight as you try to take a breath. 

_Steve slaps you. You shut your eyes tight to stop the tears from flowing. “Say it.” He growls._

_“No, no, no.” You repeat the word over and over in some hope that he might come to his senses and realize what he’s doing._

_Your actions have the opposite effect on him. Instead of releasing you, the hand on your chest quickly moves to your throat and your eyes fly open. He leans down, putting his full weight on you and you struggle uselessly to get air into your lungs._

_"I can't brea-'' You futilely try to gasp but Steve shows no signs of loosening his vice like grip on your throat. In fact, he seems to enjoy the terror that is written on your face._

_"That's the point, doll." He sneers, slamming back into you with force. "You can't say no if you can't breathe."_

_You want to try and scream, do something to save yourself, but Steve anticipates your next move. Viciously, he takes his free hand and clamps it over your mouth and nose effectively cutting off any ability to draw air into your lungs._

_Panic takes over when you realize you can't get any air at all and you try frantically to squirm out from under his grip. "I think I prefer you like this." He taunts, smirking as he watches you struggle. "I should keep you tied down and locked in here. I could take you whenever I want, however I want."_

“You okay Mrs. R.?” Peter asks, leaning forward in your direction. You are vaguely aware of the concern on his face as he stands to assist you. 

Panic seizes you as the cup falls from your hand and shatters on the ground below you. The breaking of the glass causes everyone to turn their head in your direction. Steve moves to crouch down beside you, fear etched on his face. 

Almost immediately, Tony is crouched in front of you, watching your face with wide concerned eyes. “Give us the room.” He commands in a tone that allows for zero argument. You turn and watch with wild eyes as Bucky quickly ushers Peter out of the common area.

You know your eyes are starting to fill with tears as you try to even out your breathing. Steve reaches for your hand in an attempt to comfort you. Right now, the very idea of his touch makes your stomach turn. You pull your hand away with a horrified expression you know you aren’t quick enough to hide it from him. 

Panic bubbles out of your chest and before you allow anything hysterical to slip from your lips, you stand and move quickly toward the doorway. With the safety of the elevator in sight, you quicken your pace. Hearing foot falls behind you, you glance over your shoulder to see Steve only feet from you. “Wait!” He calls out, his own panic clear in his voice when he speaks. 

You turn quickly, not stopping, only slowing your stride. “Goddamn it, Steven. Just stay _the_ _hell away_ from me.” You yell, harsher than you intended, causing him to recoil as if you’ve hit him.

Steve’s eyes meet yours briefly before the doors close, inches from his face. The look you find there is a confused mix of fear and unease. You know that he has no idea what he’s done but at that moment, you can’t make yourself care. It’s not until you step out onto your floor that you feel like you can breathe again.

Once inside your room, you lock the door and sit on the edge of your bed. You take a few steadying breaths as you run your fingers through your hair. A soft knock at the door makes you look up and stare, anxiety creeping into your chest once more.

“Ace?” Tony calls from the other side of the door. “I don’t know what the hell happened, but Cap and I want to make sure you’re alright. He said you freaked when...” He pauses. “Look, whatever it is, you can talk to me.” His voice gets softer as he tries to convince you to open the door. “If Steve did _something_ , we can fix it. You know you can trust him. And you know I would never do anything to hurt you. So, open the door please.” 

Something that tastes suspiciously like fear blooms in your stomach at his words and you don’t know why. It works its way up until you can taste it in your mouth. The memory that had caused the panic attack was intense and crippling but you know it was just a memory. Steve has been fine for months now. He earned back your love and trust completely when he saved you from Schmidt. And you trust Tony with your life. There’s no logical reason for you to feel this terrified. 

But when he knocks again, you absolutely refuse to open that door. “Leave me alone Anthony.” You call out, the unease you feel bleeding into your words. “I’m not opening the damn door.” 

Silence falls on the other side and you hold your breath anxiously until you hear his footsteps head back in the other direction. Exhaling heavily into the silence of your room, you feel tears of frustration sting the corners of your eyes. You feel like you’ve come so far and all it took was one sentence to shake your faith in everything you’ve worked so hard to get back.


	46. Chapter Forty-Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been updated, keep them in mind!

You’re not sure when you got to the kitchen. The last you remember, you were tossing and turning for hours, unable to get any sleep. Is it possible that you’ve been so exhausted, that you’ve just gone through the motions of the day? You shake your head, trying to clear the fogginess you feel.

“Dinner should be ready in about fifteen minutes!” You call out from the kitchen. Shutting off the burner on the stove, you turn around and see Steve leaning against the island. You have a moment of surprise at his clean shaven face, when did he have the time? He gives you a brief smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You know he’s just come from a meeting and you wonder if everything went well. 

“Hi sweetheart,” You say brightly, making a mental note to ask about the meeting after dinner. “You have perfect timing.” You smile back at him and point up to one of the cabinets. “I can’t reach the bowls, would you mind?” 

“Sure thing, Princess.” Steve shrugs, pushing himself off the counter. The man reaches above you as you stare at him. _Princess?_

You raise your eyebrows in confusion. “That’s not a thing you can call me, you know that.” 

“Would you rather I call you  _ babydoll, _ instead?” Steve sneers, closing the distance between you. “That’s what Don called you, didn’t he? Should’ve just let him break you when he took you from me. Save me all this trouble.”

Your heart hammers in your chest. There’s  _ no way  _ Steve could know about Don. You never told him the truth of what happened when Don abducted you, never told him  _ anything _ about Don really; knowing that if you had, Steve would’ve immediately gone after him.

Only Dottie had understood how afraid you were of the man, but she promised never to tell anyone.

“How…how do you know about that -”

The words have barely left your lips when the back of his hand connects with your cheek. You tumble to the floor and scoot yourself back against the lower cabinets. Pressing your palm to the heated skin on your face, you turn your gaze upwards. “Steve, what’s gotten into you?” 

“I thought your daddy taught you better than to talk back.” He crosses his arms, eyes narrowing as they meet yours. “Obviously you need to be retaught.” 

Scrambling to your feet, you reach for the butcher block but Steve is too quick. Your fingers barely graze the handle of a chef’s knife. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He harshly grabs your wrist, pulling you close to him. 

“Stop, please. You’re scaring me.” You try to push yourself away but he tightens his grip, now locking both wrists in his fist. “Why are you acting like this? We gave you twelve of those anti-serums, we fixed you.” 

Steve lets out a low chuckle that makes you shiver. “You did. But the serum only enhanced what was already in me. You have to know that by now. Schmidt was right, I _wanted_ his serum. I wanted to be better than _just_ Captain America. Everything I did to you? There was a part of me that absolutely loved it. This is all me now, princess.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?!” You call out frantically. “Get Tony or Sergeant Barnes down here, please!”

“I’m sorry.” The A.I. responds immediately. “But you do not have authorization. Your request is denied.” 

The man lets out another laugh, shaking his head. “No one’s coming to save you this time, Doll. They’re all as done with you as I am.” Your eyes widen in mounting terror at his words. “Tony locked you out of the system days ago.” 

Before you can say anything, he shoves a dish towel into your mouth, gagging you. With his free hand, he undoes his belt and you can feel the panic rising in your chest. You struggle against him and without hesitation, Steve whirls you around, trapping your wrists behind your back with his belt.

The way you’ve been gagged and the roughness of the leather on your skin is a horrifyingly familiar feeling and no matter how much you twist and pull at it, the belt refuses to loosen. 

“Remember this? We had so much fun last time.” He shoves you towards the kitchen island and you can’t help but stumble. His fingers knot into your hair, steadying you for a moment. “You’ve been such a bad girl. I need to remind you what happens when you make me angry.” You can hear the smirk in his tone as he pushes your chest down against the cold marble. 

Closing your eyes tightly, you fight back the tears and try to beg him to stop through the towel. The words come out muffled and unclear. “Oh, Princess, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you. Maybe try speaking up?” Steve laughs, reaching forward for the gag. _He’s pulling it out, thank God -_ Your thoughts scatter as he pushes the towel further into your mouth and you struggle not to choke on it. 

As his hand snakes up the back of your dress, you hear another voice from the doorway of the kitchen. “What’s going on here?” Your eyes shoot open and lock on Tony’s face. The man looks confused and you attempt to spit out the gag. When it doesn’t move, you struggle and shake your head. 

Steve tugs you off the counter by your hair, locking his arm around your restrained ones. “What the fuck do you think is going on?” He shoves you forward slightly and you whimper in fear.

“She doesn’t seem to be okay with this.” Tony inclines his head in your direction and steps further into the kitchen. 

_Thank God_. Tony will put a stop to this. Once you’re safe, you can both figure out what to do next. Obviously something is wrong with Steve, you just have no idea what. Maybe the anti- serum had a delayed side effect? 

You frantically shake your head, only stopping when Steve yanks your head back further, forcing you to look up. “Don’t you fucking move.” He growls low in your ear. “Obviously she isn’t, Stark. But that’s half the fun, isn’t it? She struggles so nicely for me.” 

“Mmm, it does make it better if they try to fight you.” Tony agrees as he closes the distance between you. He reaches up, roughly caressing your swollen cheek. “Ace, I gotta tell ya, you look so much prettier when you’re trussed up like this.” 

Dread settles in your stomach as you look up into his cold eyes. _What is he saying?_

His hand travels down your neck and settles on the buttons of your dress. Once you realize what Tony’s going to do, you try to struggle away from him frantically. Steve’s fingers move from your hair to wrap tightly around your throat. “What did I just fucking say?”

You freeze when he further tightens his grip in warning. You squeeze your eyes shut as Tony’s fingers deftly unbutton the top of your dress. “Open your eyes, honey, I want you to look at me when I’m touching you.” Sniffling, you do as he says and he smirks, eyes flickering up to Steve. “Did her daddy not teach her manners?” 

“Oh no, he did. She got slapped around plenty for it too.” Steve chuckles. “But she’s _clearly_ forgotten them.” 

“Guess you’re gonna have to beat them back into her.” Tony chuckles, running his fingers along the curve of your breasts. “That’ll teach you, huh Ace?”

Steve tightens his grip around your neck as he lifts you off the ground, cutting off your air. “Trust me, I plan to.” He flexes his fingers against your throat and your eyes flutter when your toes try to touch the floor. Through the gag, you try to beg him to stop. The choking sound you make elicits a wide grin from the man in front of you.

“ _My god_ , she’s terrified. That’s so fucking hot.” Adjusting his pants, Tony clears his throat and looks over to Steve with a smirk. “Which of us, do you think, can scare her more?” 

“Is that even a question?” Steve scoffs in a disparaging voice. “Me, obviously. I’m the one who’s almost killed her. Multiple times. You’ve only ever tried to save her.” He lowers you back to the floor but doesn’t quite loosen his grip. You greedily suck in as much air through your nose as you can.

“That sounds like a challenge.” Tony looks down at you with lust in his eyes and you shiver without meaning to. “Because Ace wouldn’t expect me to hurt her. I’ve been nothing but patient with her, waiting for _you_ to toss her aside.” He moves to unbutton his own pants and then reaches for the gag in your mouth. “Is she a beggar or a screamer?”

Steve backs away from the other man, holding you tight to his chest. “As entertaining as it would be to watch her get used by a Stark, I don’t share my toys. I told your father the same thing.” 

Disappointment in his eyes, Tony crosses his arms and makes a face. “Not even once? Come on Rogers, I’m not my old man. _I’ll_ let you break her. I just want to teach her a lesson.” Steve growls in response, possessively moving his arm from behind your back to your chest. 

“Fine.” Tony huffs in annoyance. “What are you planning to do with her when you’re done?” 

“You know exactly what I’m going to do.” At Steve’s words, you shake your head, silently begging one of them to come to their senses. You can feel tears prick your eyes and desperately will them not to fall.

“What a waste.” Tony sighs heavily, buttoning his pants while looking you over. “Just do it in here. I don’t want to have to hire someone to get that much blood out of the carpet.”

Your eyes widen in terror _. What? Surely Tony doesn’t mean.._. You know you should try to fight but it’s completely useless. With your hands bound behind your back and Steve’s hand around your throat, you know there is nothing that can be done. Squeezing your eyes shut once again, you let out a sob that makes both men laugh. 

“Have fun. I can’t wait to watch F.R.I.D.A.Y. 's security footage later.” He grins over his shoulder as he walks away. “Make her scream for me.” 

“See Princess,” Steve whispers in your ear as he walks you back towards the island. “I told you no one cares about you.” He pushes you back down onto the marble, hand returning to its place up your dress. “Now, where were we?” 

You can hear his jeans unzipping and you can’t help but try to twist away from him. It’s a futile effort, you know you won’t be able to stop him, but you have to try. “Go ahead, struggle all you want. I promise you aren’t going anywhere.” 

You can hear the sound of a kitchen knife being unsheathed from the block and can’t stop the tears from flowing freely. You’re expecting pain but instead, you feel your panties being ripped away from your body. Your sobs come out muffled from the towel stuffed in your mouth; your body tenses, knowing what he’s about to do. 

“Please, _please_ give me a reason to hurt you.” He threatens and the calmness in his voice is so out of place given the situation you're in. "Because, honestly, I’d love nothing more.” Without warning, he slams into you and you choke back the muffled scream. “I mean, how do you think this is going to end for you? You aren’t walking away from this.”

He pulls out fully and before you can catch your breath, he slams into you again. You try to kick out your legs, hoping to connect with him. Instead, he chuckles and pushes your further up onto the counter, causing your feet to dangle inches above the floor.

"You’re still trying to defend yourself? Oh liebchen, I don’t know if you’re brave or just stupid." Not stopping his relentless motion, he slaps you hard across your upper thigh. The stinging coupled with Steve’s tight grip on your wrists only makes you sob harder. “You can’t fight me Doll, you’re just making it worse for yourself.”

Tears fall from your eyes and pool on the marble counter top as he forces his way inside you over and over. You keep your eyes squeezed shut and try to keep breathing evenly through your nose. Every snap of his hips is designed to hurt you, punish you for whatever wrongdoing Steve seems convinced you’ve committed. His fingers find their way into your hair and he tugs at your scalp while letting out a deep groan. He finishes as suddenly as he started, tilting his hips as far into you as he’s able. 

Still buried in you, Steve leans forward and brushes your hair from your face. The gesture should be sweet but comes off foreign given what’s just happened between you. “Still so tight for me, babydoll.” He whispers next to your ear before taking a step back. 

You hear him shuffle behind you before he grabs your shoulder and flips you around. Your hands are now trapped between you and the counter as Steve leans back down to run his hands along your collarbones and the curve of your breasts. He tilts his head as you shudder from his unwanted touch. 

As you watch him uneasily, his fingers move to caress your cheek. “You aren’t daddy’s little girl anymore, are you? All used up like the trash he warned me you were.” You sob through the gag at his words. Why was he doing this to you?

Your mind races; had your father really said those things to him? He reaches for the towel and roughly pulls it from your mouth. Tossing it to the side, he examines you with contempt. “He’d be disgusted with you. Though if he saw the slut you’ve become for me, I’m sure he’d want a turn.”

“You don’t mean that.” You whisper softly, voice trembling with fear. “No matter what you do to me, I still love you and I know this can’t be real.” The confidence in your words surprises both of you. Steve smiles in a way that sends a shiver down your spine and you close your eyes expecting to be slapped again. 

What you don't expect is the sound of metal scraping against the marble counter. Your eyes fly open and wildly connect with his. Steve stands a few feet back from you, holding the large knife. “Not real, huh?” He grins again, casually flipping the knife in his hand. “You have a ten second head start doll, and you better pray that I don’t catch you.” 

Shaking your head in disbelief, you stare at him for a moment. “What are you -” 

Steve flips the knife once more and starts counting down from ten. When he hits seven, you push yourself up with your shoulders and try to bolt out of the kitchen. You get through the doorway and turn back to see if he’s still standing where he was. Seeing nothing, you turn back around and slam into his chest. 

Without your hands to steady you, the force of it knocks you to the ground. Before you can scramble backward, Steve is on top of you, straddling your hips. “One.” 

You open your mouth to scream but stop when he leans forward, pressing the blade to your throat. “I’d think carefully about your next words, they might be your last.” 

“Why?” You whisper, closing your eyes to stop the tears. 

“You were nothing but a Goddamn mistake to me.” Steve sneers, laughing when your eyes open and stare up at him through your tears. “Your daddy was right by the way.” He tosses the knife to the side and your eyes follow the movement before looking back up at him in confusion. He wraps both hands around your throat and you thrash frantically beneath him as fresh panic sets in. 

“Steve, please don’t do this -” You can only wheeze out the words before he tightens his grip, cutting your air off completely.

“I _did_ crash that fucking plane to get away from you.” He leans down, his face inches from yours. “I never loved you, I only wanted to use you.” 

You struggle to get air into your lungs as he presses down harder on your throat. “I should’ve known the only way to get rid of you was to do this.” He continues squeezing, watching your useless struggling with dark amused eyes. 

As your vision starts to blur, you can feel the tears sliding down your cheeks. You know you have seconds left before you’re unconscious. If he doesn’t let go, Steve is going to kill you. He _must_ know that. You feel yourself going limp, your body too weak from the lack of oxygen to fight him any longer.

“Oh leibchen.” Steve laughs as your eyes flutter shut. “Finally.”

 _“Hey, hey!” You feel hands on your shoulders, the shock of it cutting through your terror and confusion..._


	47. Chapter Forty-Seven

“Harvard! You’re alright, wake up!” You feel the hands on your shoulders again, shaking you awake. “It’s me. You’re safe.” Your eyes fly open and take in the looming figure above you. Your mind flashes to Steve leaning over you, his fingers tightening around your neck. The memory causes you to scramble away from the figure in terror. 

You tumble off the bed and hit the floor with a small thud. As your bedside light is switched on, your eyes dart around wildly trying to familiarize yourself with your surroundings. Moments before you thought you had been on the floor in the common room, fighting for your life. Now, you’re tangled in a blanket as Bucky walks slowly toward you, hands extended in a military surrender. 

“J- James, what are you doing here?” With your chest still heaving in panic, your words come out shaky and uncertain.

Bucky crouches down in front of you and watches you warily. “You were screaming. I had to wake you up.” He extends a hand to help you stand and waits patiently while you decide if you’re going to take it. “I didn’t mean to scare you but I was afraid you were going to hurt yourself.”

Taking his hand, there’s a million questions running through your mind. Settling on the least invasive one, you look around your room and ask him how he could’ve heard you in the first place. 

“Well,” He pauses, looking uncomfortable by the question. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. may have told Tony that you had a bad nightmare two days ago and he told us. So Steve asked Tony and I to take shifts with him and intervene if the nightmares got really bad again.” He stands and helps you to your feet. “Steve doesn’t know what he did but he’s convinced that they have something to do with him… And obviously he was right.” 

“Obviously?” 

“Yeah, you were begging him to stop doing something.” He rubs at the back of his neck as he watches you. “I didn’t know what he was doing or if you were okay, so that’s why I came in and woke you up the way I did.” 

You shiver without meaning to and he must mistake the motion for you being cold. He hands you the bathrobe off the edge of your bed. “Let’s take a walk, yeah?” He inclines his head toward your rumpled sheets. “I can’t imagine you're going back to sleep right now.” 

Quickly you pull the bathrobe on and tie it securely around your waist as Bucky speaks again. “Come on, I’ll make you some tea.” Smiling, he leads you from your suite. 

The entire walk to the common room, you’re silent and thankfully, Bucky doesn’t try to force conversation. He makes his way towards the kitchen, turning back to you with a smile, “Do you want English Breakfast or Camomile? Those are the only two I know for sure we have.” 

You open your mouth to answer as your eyes drift down to the spot where he’s standing. Logically, you know that it was just a dream but the panic you feel seeing the spot where Steve had killed you is overwhelming. 

“Harvard?” Bucky asks softly and you bring your eyes up to meet his. “Are you okay?” When he’s only met with your silence, he lets out a heavy sigh and walks toward you. “Okay, I wasn’t gonna push it but I think we need to talk about this dream.” 

Finding your voice, you shake your head at him. “I really don’t want to.” 

“It’s not up for discussion, Harvard. You’ve been holed up in your room for days and now you’ve been having nightmares again.” He rests his hand on your shoulder. “This nightmare clearly involved Steve, I want to know what happened… You guys were doing so well before my birthday.” 

“James, I…” 

“I get it if you’re uncomfortable talking with me but you need to talk to someone about this.” He gestures towards the doorway. “I can go get Tony if you prefer.” 

“No!” You respond immediately, eyes wide as you stare at him. 

Putting his hands up, Bucky nods slowly. “Okay… So me then.” He gestures towards the kitchen. “Do you want tea? Or do you just wanna sit?” He laughs uncomfortably, running his fingers through his hair. “I honestly don’t know what to do right now. Last time I saw you this freaked out, I had Dottie to help me.” 

“We can just sit.” Your eyes move towards the couch and you anxiously bite your bottom lip. 

“Are you sure? I’ll make you whatever you want.” As he speaks, he takes a couple steps towards the kitchen. “You can come with me if you don’t want to be alone.” 

Looking back at him, you shake your head again. “I do _not_ want to go in that kitchen.” Bucky only nods to you, extending his hand towards the couch and you move to sit. He settles across from you and kindly tells you to take your time. 

“On your birthday, we were all joking about drinks.” You don’t meet his eyes as you nervously fiddle with the belt of your bathrobe. “I made the comment about not being able to tell there was alcohol in it and Steve said ‘that’s the point, doll’ and I had a panic attack.” 

When you glance up, Bucky is staring at you expectantly. Dropping your eyes back to your lap, you take in a shaky breath. “Please don’t think any less of him because I haven’t talked to anyone besides Steve about this.” 

Leaning back against the couch, he crosses his arms. “Okay?” 

“While he was under the control of that serum, there was one night where he said those exact words to me.” 

“‘That’s the point, doll’? What happened -” Bucky asks in confusion. 

You hold up a hand, stopping him mid sentence. “Please let me get this out. It was honestly the worst night of my life. Reliving it is very difficult for me.” Bucky’s eyes widen but he stays silent. “He came into my room, threatened me and when I tried to run, he restrained me with his belt. I was terrified of him and I begged him to stop, and that’s when he started to choke me. When I tried to tell him that I couldn’t breathe, he told me ‘that’s the point, doll.’ and just kept going until I blacked out.”

“So when he said it so casually at your birthday, it brought back the memory and I panicked.” You reach for a throw pillow and hug it tightly to you. “All I could think about was that night and the _other_ horrible things he did to me.” 

“Jesus Christ.” His brow furrows in concern. “There’s more?” 

“James,” you pause, sniffling. “Steve _raped_ me.” The words come out more like a whisper and you close your eyes tightly to stop the tears from flowing. “Even after I had passed out, he didn’t stop.” Tears flow freely then and you don’t try to stop them. 

Bucky leans forward and pulls the pillow from your lap. “C’mere.” He tells you softly and you collapse in his arms. As his arms close around you, you let yourself fall apart and sob into his chest. “I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what that was like for you. No wonder it took you months to even look at him again.” He rubs your back gently and lets you take a few moments to let it all out. “So hearing Steve say that, caused the panic attack. Which makes sense. And that caused the nightmares?”

Leaning back, you nod at him. “I hadn’t had those types of nightmares for months and tonight’s was…” You trail off as you wipe the tears from your cheeks. 

“Those types? What happened tonight? I mean… I know what I heard when I woke you up but -”

“In every dream, Steve tries, but he never succeeds in actually killing me. I always wake up before it happens.” You cut him off, meeting his eyes. “He did tonight.” 

“ _What_?”

“It started in the kitchen. I had asked him a question and he called me _Princess._ That’s what my father used to call me. Steve would never.” You shake your head. “It was like that night all over again, he slapped me when I questioned him and it escalated pretty quickly from there. I tried to call for you or Tony and he gagged me with a dish towel. When I tried to get away, he used his belt to tie my hands behind my back.” You look down at your hands. “When Tony came in, I thought I was safe.”

Bucky crosses his arms again as a horrified expression slides onto his face. “And you weren’t?” 

“No.” You take a deep breath. “Tony was almost as sadistic as Steve was. I trusted him and he… he... ” Bucky takes your hand as you explain to him the monstrous things Tony had said and done to you. When you pause to wipe away fresh tears, Bucky asks if this was why you hadn't wanted him to get Tony earlier. You nod in response, not trusting your voice to stay steady.

“Christ.” He shakes his head. “What happened then?”

You take a steadying breath. “He shoved me back up onto the counter. And when Steve finished with me, he grabbed a knife from the counter and told me he’d give me a ten second head start.”

“A head start? For _what_?”

“To get away from him. He told me ‘you better pray I don’t catch you’.” You look over to the spot on the floor before looking back to Bucky. “And he did. He knocked me to the floor and climbed on top of me so I couldn’t get away. The way he spoke to me…” you shiver and pause before continuing. “I could've sworn he was my father.”

You falter slightly and Bucky squeezes your hand in reassurance. “He wrapped his hands around my throat, told me he had never loved me. When I begged him not to do this, not to… hurt me, Steve cut off my air until I was too weak to fight him. He was killing me, he knew it and he said ‘finally’... Just like Schmidt had done when I eventually caved from the pain of what he was doing to me.

“The next thing I knew, I was tumbling out of my own bed because you had woken me up.” You look up at Bucky and watch his reaction. Confusion mingles with anger and it finds its way to his eyes. “James, say something. Please.” You ask him when he stays silent for a few moments.

“I... I wish... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything....” Bucky trails off, softening his features. “But you have to know that Steve would never hurt you like that again.”

“I know that, I do.” You sniffle. “But I have to believe that all the doubt and uncertainty I’ve had over the last ten or so months manifested into this. Add Schmidt to that...”

Bucky reaches over to grab the box of tissues on the table. “So obviously you’re not as okay with everything as you want to think you are.” At your arched brow, he quickly adds, “which is perfectly alright! Just maybe, it’s time to see someone about this?” 

“Absolutely not.” You say firmly. “That is _not_ something I want to do. I don’t need -”

“Alright, alright.” Bucky says, raising his hands. “Then you at least need to talk to Steve and Tony. I can’t be the only one you feel comfortable talking to.”

Standing from the couch, you begin pacing back and forth. “James, how can I talk to either of them about this? The way they acted, what they did to me? I can’t stomach it.”

“Which is _exactly_ why you need to talk to them. They have no idea what’s going through your mind right now.” He looks up at you. “When we had finally broken Hydra’s control over me, I had to talk about what I remembered, what I’d done. If I didn’t, it would have destroyed me. Steve was there for me, he listened and didn’t judge me. And most of the things, I didn’t want to relive.

“Harvard,” He says softly. You stop pacing and meet his eyes. “There are things I’ve done that I still don’t fully remember. Look what happened with you and I. God, I had no idea until I saw you in the kitchen. The memory came at me like a steamroller and in the aftermath, Steve was there. Despite all the reasons he didn’t have to be. He’s a good man. And Tony? That man is more compassionate than I ever thought he could be. The fact that we have any kind of cordial relationship is…” He shakes his head with a smile. “They _will_ understand.”

You know that Bucky is right, Steve and Tony will want to help you get through this. You have to talk to them. Glancing up at the clock near the kitchen doorway, you sigh. “James, it’s almost 0400h, no one is awake. _I_ shouldn’t be awake.”

“First of all, you know they are _definitely_ awake. Tony doesn’t sleep and Steve will be leaving for a run any minute now.” Bucky gets up from the couch with a shrug. “But I think you should get some sleep before you attempt either of those conversations.”

Panic settles on your face and you know he can see it. “If you want,” he offers, “I can sleep outside of your room?”

“How would you feel about sleeping on my couch?” You ask as you both head for the door out of the common room. “I think I’d sleep better if you were there.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time Harvard.” He laughs with a wide grin. “But sure, I don’t mind.”

“It would _absolutely_ be the first time James.” You stifle a smile. “I’m certain you slept in Dottie’s room that first night.”

“Jeez Harvard,” Bucky covers his heart with his hand. “You wound me. Couldn’t at least let me _pretend_ to be a gentleman?”

“Dottie would roll over in her grave if I let you pretend to be a gentleman.” 

Rolling his eyes, Bucky smiles and walks back with you to your room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many of you guessed that last chapter was a dream?  
> A nasty one, but a dream nevertheless... *phew*
> 
> And Bucky is such a good guy -  
> We think everyone needs to see him being sweet and caring, he doesn't get enough love.


	48. Chapter Forty-Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! We were able to get another chapter out between working from home and catching up on trashy tv!

Stepping out of your bathroom, you hear the door to your suite shut but not fully latch. Gingerly, you get closer to the door when you hear Steve’s voice.

“Buck if I didn’t trust you both completely, I’d be a little concerned as to why you’re _still_ in there.”

You can hear Bucky laugh softly. “It was a rough night bud. Harvard had a night - wait. _Still_?”

“Uh, yeah.” Steve answers. “So remember when you said I was probably _leaving_ for a run last night?” 

You freeze where you stand, nervous that Steve had heard your conversation with Bucky.

“Shit. Stevie, what did you hear?”

“Okay, well. I was actually coming back.” You can hear hesitation in his voice. “I couldn’t sleep. I passed by the common room right around when you were talking about Tony and I.”

“So, you didn’t hear -” 

Steve cuts Bucky off, “I didn’t _hear_ everything no. But, I may have gone down to Tony and asked him to pull up the surveillance footage from the common room so I could _see_ everything.”

“Why, and I cannot stress this enough, _the fuck_ would you do a thing like that? If you were trying for a textbook case of privacy invasion, you did it.”

“I wasn’t trying to spy on either of you but something clearly happened and it involved Tony and myself. So much so that you didn’t get either one of us. I… I don’t know Buck.”

“I mean, I guess I get it but, it’s still a little creepy buddy.”

“I know that, but she isn’t speaking to me.” Steve hesitates. “I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“She was planning to talk to you. You had to have seen that, right?” Bucky sounds as annoyed as you feel. “Well, you know what’s wrong now and I’m assuming Tony does too. I’ll try to smooth this over with Harvard but how are you going to fix it?” 

“I’m not going to lie to her, I’ll tell her that Tony and I saw everything. I don’t want to create any distrust between us -”

“Well I’m _certainly_ glad to hear that.” You say as you swing the door open and watch both of their reactions.

Bucky’s jaw hangs slack as he stares at you. It takes a second but he pulls himself together and turns to give his best friend a look of mild concern.

Steve opens and closes his mouth a few times in a gesture that reminds you of a fish. His eyes are wide as he realizes that not only have you heard what he just said, but you’ve more than likely heard the entire conversation.

“So, I’m gonna go,” Finding his voice, Bucky points his finger in the direction of the hallway. “Unless…” He trails off leaving the _you need me_ left unsaid _._

“Thank you James.” You answer with a small smile. “But I think we’re fine.” You stand to the side and let Steve walk through your doorway, shutting the door once he’s completely through. Gingerly, you take a few steps in his direction but stay close to the door. 

When he turns to look at you, Steve's expression is guarded. You know that he has no idea how you’re going to react, to be honest, you aren't sure yourself. Part of you is furious that he went behind your back and watched all of your conversation with Bucky. But, the other part of you is relieved that you don’t have to relive it again so Steve can understand.

Steve takes a small step towards you and involuntarily you take a step back, body pressed against the door. He stops immediately and throws his hands up. “I’m sorry.” He whispers. “I’ll stay back.”

“No,” You start, pushing yourself off the door. “You don’t have to. I didn’t mean to back away, it was unintentional.”

“Given the circumstances, it’s completely understandable.” Steve says, taking another step and gesturing to the sitting area. “Should we sit?” Nodding, you move first and settle into the sofa before he moves to sit at the opposite end.

Neither of you speak for a moment, letting the silence sit cavernous between you. There’s a million things you want to say but with how fast your thoughts are racing, you can’t form the right words. 

“Sweetheart,” His soft tone causes you to glance up and meet his eyes. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know… I had no idea…”

As he runs his fingers through his hair, a few strands fall over his forehead. You lift your hand to brush the hair away and think better of it, letting your arm drop to your side.

“I’m so afraid this is going to keep happening.” He admits. “We get so far and one thing I say or do ruins it. Maybe… maybe it would be better for you if we...” 

“Steve?” Now you move, scooting close enough to reach for his hand. “”If we what?”

He wraps his fingers around yours. “Darling, you and I both know it. We’ve been on borrowed time for over a year now. The nightmare happened because of what I did to you. No matter how much distance we put between us and what I’ve done, it’s still there. As much as I don't want to accept it, after this, I think you deserve someone better for you than I am."

Steve’s words feel like a knife to your heart. _He wants to end things?_ You can feel tears prick the corners of your eyes as you pull away from him. “Is… Is that what you want?” 

“No, but you deserve someone who you can feel safe with.” He whispers, his voice thick with emotion. “Someone who hasn’t hurt you the way I have.”

“So, that’s it then?” You ask, letting bitterness creep into your words. “I don’t get a say in this?”

Steve’s eyes widen in surprise at your tone. “Of course you do.” He shakes his head in confusion. “But I thought… I mean, you couldn’t stand to be near me. You _ran_ from the common room, you _swore_ at me. I just assumed... After the nightmare, you would want to be done with feeling like you couldn’t trust me.” 

“Steven Grant Rogers, how _dare_ you assume that I would want to end this relationship over something like a dream.” 

He isn’t quick enough to hide the confusion on his face. “But it wasn’t _just_ a dream.” 

“It absolutely was.” You point out in frustration as he looks down at his hands. “It was a dream, caused by a panic attack.” 

“It was a _really_ bad dream,” He protests before looking back up to meet your eyes. “What we did to you, what _I_ did to you… darling, you have to know that I would _never_ do that to you again. I would die before I hurt you like that. I can’t fathom how afraid of me you were. I… I felt sick to my stomach hearing you tell Buck about it. You sounded completely terrified.” 

“I was.” You admit hesitantly, looking down at your own hands. “It was honestly the worst dream I’ve had since everything started. Every fear I’d felt over the last year came rushing back and manifested into that hellish nightmare.” 

“I should have been more careful with what I said -” 

You cut him off with a soft sigh. “Look, I wasn’t expecting to hear those words from you and yes, I had a panic attack because of it. But, there was no way for you to know what would happen.”

You gently sweep his hair away from his face. “I don’t want to end this because of it, Steven. I love you.”

“Sweetheart, you’re my best girl and I love you. More than my own life. But, if this happens again how do we keep moving forward?”

Smiling softly, you cup his cheek. “If this happens again, I promise not to shut you out the way I did. I promise to talk to you first. If you promise not to give up on me, on us.” 

There is visible relief on his face as he leans forward and presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “I promise.”

“Clearly I need to work on how I’m coping with everything.” You laugh, trying to lighten the mood. “Before I get too attached to my room and develop agoraphobia.”

“About that,” Steve says with a small smile. “I know Tony’s mentioned therapy before. He knows someone that’s really good with our type of weird.” 

“Absolutely not.” Refusing to entertain the idea, you shake your head. “I wasn’t raised to speak to a stranger about my problems.” 

He raises an eyebrow but stays silent. After a moment, he lets out a heavy sigh. “What if I went with you?”

“No.” You declare with finality. “Don’t push this Steven.”

“Alright,” He agrees, raising his hands in defeat. “I won’t, but you can’t blame me for trying.” After a moment, he shrugs. “So, we’re okay, right?

“You and I are.” Standing, you hold your hand out to him. “But now I need to talk to Tony.” 

***

Anxiety blooms in your chest as you raise your hand to knock on the door. You’ve never felt the need to knock before entering Tony’s office; you’ve always felt welcome inside. But knowing that he is aware of what happened in your dream, you’re nervous that somehow he’s upset with you.

Steeling your nerves, you give three sharp knocks and wait for him to answer. When he does, you slowly push open the door. 

Tony doesn’t immediately look up from his desk as you creep into the room. Surprise registers on his face when he finally looks up and meets your eyes. “Hi.” He says cautiously, as he sets aside the papers in front of him. “I figured I wouldn’t see you for a little while.”

“I know,” You agree as you step closer to his desk. “Anthony, I… I just wanted to apologize -”

Tony’s eyebrows fly up in disbelief. “Ace, you’ve got _nothing_ to be sorry for. I’m the one who owes you the apology. I heard you, I was a complete prick in that dream of yours.” He stands quickly, walking around the desk to where you stand.

You fiddle with the sleeve of your blouse. “Right, but I figured you’d want to know why… I can’t imagine what you must think…” You sigh and look down at the floor. “I just thought that you’d be upset with me for turning you into some kind of monster. ”

Shaking his head, he leans against his desk. “Why on Earth would you think that I’d be upset with you? I figured _you’d_ be pissed at _me._ I mean, you can’t control what you dream about and from what I heard, I did some pretty nasty stuff to you.” 

You shake your head as he motions for you to sit opposite him. “I’m not angry with you at all.” You promise softly.

“Good.” Tony says with a smile. “I’m not either. Concerned, but definitely not angry.” He picks up a pen from the desk and flips it between his fingers. “Which is why I think we should talk about this a bit. If you’re up to it.”

You nod and he continues. “I would _never_ hurt you. You _do_ know that right? Listen Ace, you're a beautiful woman and Cap is a real lucky guy. I mean, I needed a minute after I saw those photos.” He laughs and you smile at his words. “But Pepper is the only one for me.”

“I do know that.” You sigh softly. “I don’t know what caused you to even be there in the first place.”

“Dreams don’t have to make sense, Ace.” Tony points out. “The panic attack triggered a very real fear you had not too long ago. The Captain is someone you trusted never to hurt you and he did exactly that.” He shrugs and crosses his arms.

“So, no wonder your subconscious decided to make me a bad guy- it was only a matter of time right? I heard you say it to Barnes, you trusted me, you wouldn’t have expected me to hurt you. I’m sure you felt more vulnerable than you have in months. Loss of control is a scary thing, that kind of trauma just doesn’t go away.” You look up, startled by his reasoning. “Trust me, I’m not a doctor but I’ve been to many.”

You raise an eyebrow and it dawns on you that Tony’s prone to panic attacks. After he confirms it, you ask him if that’s how he knew to have everyone clear the room. He nods and pushes himself up from the desk.

“After the Battle of New York, I started getting them. The smallest things would set me off. I tried to manage them on my own at first. Hell, I even tried talking to Bruce - he’s not that kind of doctor but he tried to help.” He reaches for the whiskey decanter and grabs two glasses. 

“But after I froze on a mission, Cap and I discussed it.” Tony continues as he hands you a glass and settles back against the desk.

“I went to talk to a professional and she taught me some decent coping mechanisms. It’s been a little over three months since I’ve had an attack. But given the fact that I could’ve died and you almost did, I’d say it was warranted.”

You look up at him, unable to mask the surprise on your face. “You had a panic attack while we were in Russia?”

“Sure did.” He downs the contents of his glass in one gulp before he speaks again. “My suit had been so damaged, the nano tech couldn’t repair itself. So, when Barnes and I were ambushed, we got separated and I held my own but it was kind of hard to hold off eight guys with just my charm and good looks.”

He walks to the decanter and refills his glass. Turning around, he takes a sip. “We fight, I lose. Flash forward, I’m led at gunpoint to the room you and Cap are in. God Ace, you looked _rough._ ”

You watch him shiver at the memory. “So between that whole situation and then you getting shot, it was just… it was a lot. We were afraid you weren’t going to make it. Thus, panic attack.” 

Tony regards you carefully. “If it weren’t for what the good doc had taught me, I would have had a harder time getting it under control. She’s really good at what she does, and she’s never questioned the craziness that goes on here.”

“I’m really glad that this doctor has been able to help you.” You take a small sip of your drink. “She sounds great.”

“I’m glad you think so,” he grins. “She’s going to help you too -”

You point your finger at him. “Oh no.” You argue, cutting him off. “I already told Steve that I didn’t need to talk to someone.”

“Ok, but here me out. You do.” You narrow your eyes at him but he continues as if he doesn’t notice your irritation. “Steve may not push this, but I’m going to. I don’t care if you get mad at me Ace. I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not afraid you’ll break up with me.”

With a sly grin, he shrugs and carries on. “Your appointment’s Thursday at two. Be ready for ten. You and I are gonna take the Mark VI into the city and make a whole day of it. We’re gonna do dinner and see a show, it’ll be a good time.”

Tony plays dirty, he knows you love that car. It reminds you of the one you and Dottie had. An idea forms in your head and you smirk at him. “Fine, I’ll go.” You say brazenly. “But _I’m_ driving.” 

He blinks slowly and tilts his head in disbelief. “Ace, it’s a _vintage Bentley_.” 

“Anthony, _I’m vintage_. Plus, I’ve had my license longer than you have.” 

“A _technicality._ ” He argues, crossing his arms. “You were a popsicle for longer than I’ve been alive.”

“That may be, but I got my license in 1938. Trust me, you weren’t even _thought_ of yet.” You cross your arms as you watch him. “So if you _insist_ on me going, I _insist_ on driving.”

When you’re still met with silence, you decide to play dirty too. “Your father would have let me drive.” 

Tony’s eyes widen, not believing the card you just played. He watches you with a raised brow, hoping you’ll cave. When you don’t, he sighs dramatically. You’ve won. “ _Fine._ Go tell the Captain that you’ll be home late on Thursday.”


	49. Chapter Forty-Nine

“Natasha,” You call out from the dressing room. “Where’s the rest of this shirt?” When she doesn’t respond, you sigh and wonder for the third time today if this was a good idea. 

After a few consistent weeks of therapy, Dr. Ryan had suggested you get out and enjoy different surroundings, try new things. When you had told Tony about her idea, Natasha had overheard and offered to take you shopping in the city.

She had been wanting to go for some time and while she didn’t mind shopping alone, she welcomed another woman’s opinion. _‘Plus,’_ she had told you, _“It’s your birthday, you deserve some girl time. It’ll be fun.’_

You didn’t mind the jeans even though they were much tighter than your usual trouser pants. _But this shirt is not happening_ you think as you step out and look for her.

Natasha steps out from the dressing room across from you, looking more uncomfortable than you’ve ever seen her. She agreed to trying the pastel monstrosity if you agreed to trying the crop top and jeans. 

“I can’t.” Natasha laughs as she twirls in the dress. “I feel like I’m an extra in Gone with the Wind.” She throws the back of her hand across her forehead and when she speaks again, it’s in the worst southern accent you’ve ever heard.

“Why sugar, I do declare.” She laughs, a soft and genuine sound, and in that moment you swear Dottie is standing in Natasha’s place.

“Relax, Dolores.” You tease without thinking. 

Natasha quirks an eyebrow and starts walking toward you. “Dolores?” She asks as she spins you around, appraising her clothing choices.

“Mmhmm,” you murmur. “She was my best friend growing up. She, like you, was a fiery and very sarcastic redhead.”

Natasha pauses and holds a finger to the side of her mouth. “Oh yeah, she was a model right?

Surprise settles on your face. “How on Earth did you know that?”

“One night, Jimmy was talking in his sleep. Going on and on and on about this Dottie girl. I asked him in the morning if I had a reason to be jealous. You should have seen his face.”

You struggle to keep up. “Jimmy? You mean James?”

“Jimmy, James, same thing. Anything but Bucky. Bucky is a horrible name for a grown man.” As she shrugs, her lips twist into a smirk. “ Let me tell you, he hated it when I called him Jimmy. Which is _exactly_ why I kept doing it.”

Your mouth falls open in shock. “When did you… were you? Were you dating?”

“Oh God, it was a while ago. We hadn’t found you yet.” She explains quickly. “And I don’t date. We just enjoyed each other’s company, often. We’re still good friends.”

You nod and steer the conversation back to Dottie, curious as to what else Natasha knows. “What did James tell you about her?”

She heads back into the dressing room, talking over her shoulder as she slides the curtain shut. “Just a few things. I could tell that he still loved her because I don’t think it was easy for him to talk about her.”

She’s silent for a moment before sliding open the curtain again. She walks out in a very short green dress, smoothing the sides as she continues talking. “She was a model, pretty damn good at it too.” 

You give her a questioning stare and she shrugs in response. “I may have looked her up after he told me about her.” She spins around. “What do you think?”

You nod your approval, “It’s much shorter than I’m comfortable with, but green is definitely your color.”

She smirks and eyes your outfit. “I love those jeans on you, girl. But the top, I’m assuming, is a no go?”

You laugh, “That’s correct.” You head back toward your dressing room. “Did James tell you anything else?” 

“Just odds and ends really. She had a thing for soldiers, which Barnes used to his advantage whenever possible. Her family had money, but she insisted on working. I think he secretly loved that she was so independent.”

“Oh, I agree.” You slide a silk top over your head. Looking in the mirror, the deep blue compliments your eyes and you begrudgingly admit to yourself that you love it. “But they used to fight about her modeling all the time. Dottie liked attention, all kinds, and James was the jealous type.”

“I believe it,” she quips. “That boy has a bit of a temper when he gets going.” When you step out, Natasha whistles at you. “That outfit is a keeper. Steve’ll lose his mind.” Her eyes widen in excitement. “Don’t move, I’ve got just the thing!”

She hurries out of the dressing area as you twirl yourself around. As much as you love your dresses and high waisted pants, there is _something_ about these jeans and this top that you love. Both pieces flatter every curve on your body; you wouldn’t mind picking up a few of each in different colors.

When you turn back around, Natasha is watching you from the entrance with a warm smile. “Look at you, kid. A regular twenty-first century woman.” She walks fully into the room. “Told you, you don’t need to wear dresses all the time to feel good”

You glance back in the mirror. “I do _really_ enjoy these jeans.”

She leans to the side to see around you. “Yeah, they do make your ass look great.”

“ _Natasha_.” You try to scold but she’s enjoying your reaction too much to care.

“For the eightieth time, call me Nat.” She smiles at you. “And what? I can appreciate a great body and you, honey, have one. It’s just hard to see under all those button ups and dresses sometimes.”

Before you can protest, she holds up two sets of heels and two sets of very modern lingerie. “One of each will be going home with you. You pick.” At your wary expression, she offers a less appealing alternative. “If you don’t pick, I will. And I’ll go get the lingerie I wanted to grab you. That set has a lot less material.”

You reach for the nude heels and the cream colored lace teddy. “These ones.” You confirm with uncertainty. 

“Perfect.” Nat agrees, placing the discards into the hands of the attendant. She heads back into her own dressing room and tells you that she wants to see at least the heels on you. 

You try on the teddy and find that you’re surprised by how much you like it. You slip the jeans back on and slide the shirt over your head once more. A little bit of the cream lace peeks out from the v-neck but you like the effect. 

As you slip into the heels, you call out over your shoulder. “Did James ever tell you about the time he got in trouble for interrupting Steve and I?” You slide the curtain open and step out carefully, trying to adjust to the five inch height difference you now feel. “I think Dottie was angrier at him than I was.”

Nat steps out, back in the clothing she arrived in and grins at you. “Yes! You’re not even changing back. Just give me the tags. You’re 100% going home in that.”

She turns to the attendant and tells her that you’ll be requiring that shirt in every color, plus three additional pairs of jeans. When you try to object, Nat waves a hand vaguely. “Don’t even worry about it. I have Tony’s card, he won’t care that you bought a few things.” 

“I feel bad spending his money.” You tell her as Nat pulls the tags off.

Shaking her head, she looks up. “Please, the man has plenty. Now, enough money talk. You’re part of this team, you get to enjoy the perks. And besides, it’s your birthday.”

You smile at her words, hearing Natasha say you belonged here warms your heart more than you thought possible. “Let’s get back to your story though because Barnes _definitely_ didn’t tell me that one.” 

“Well,” You start. “Stevie and I had come back from celebrating his birthday and the house was quiet so we assumed that Dottie had gone to bed. Neither of us expected James to be there.”

You crinkle your nose at the memory. “It had been a very romantic night and neither of us really wanted it to end so we may have made our way to my bedroom.” 

You lower your voice as you head to the register. “Steve was saying really sweet things to me and he started kissing me…” Nat grins and motions for you to continue.

“He flipped us so that I was under him and _suddenly_ James was there. Standing in my doorway. Only reason we knew he was there was because he choked on his water.” 

Not waiting for the total, Nat hands over a silver credit card and signs the slip. “Not to derail your story, but please tell me that he’s gotten better.” 

“James? No, of course he hasn’t.” You smile at the clerk and take your bags from him. “If anything, he’s gotten worse. I swear ruining moments for us has become a sport for him.” 

Grabbing her own bag, Nat shakes her head. “While I don’t disagree, I meant Steve.” 

You tilt your head in confusion. “What about him?” 

“I kissed that boy a few years back and he was _definitely_ out of practice.” Nat vaguely gestures to her mouth as she leads you out of the boutique. “Thought for sure I had chipped a tooth.” 

“I’ve never had an issue with any of his abilities,” You say, trying to mask your confused annoyance. “But _why exactly_ were you kissing him?” 

As Nat flags down the town car, she shrugs casually. “We were on the run from S.H.I.E.L.D.; Steve was a fugitive. They were closing in and we needed a diversion. Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.” 

“That’s correct, they do.” You say as you step off the curb. “You were able to get to safety I assume?”

“Sort of.” She smiles as the car comes into view. “We made it to the coordinates we were trying to track down. Camp Lehigh?” She sees your surprised expression and nods.

“Yep. _That_ Camp Lehigh. Steve found a super computer in the basement level that told us all of Hydra’s dirty little secrets. That’s where I first saw _you_ , you know.”

“You saw me?” 

She nods as the driver opens the door for you both. “On the walls in one of the offices was a picture of you next to Stark’s father. Steve didn’t want to tell me who you were but I could tell he was visibly shaken by seeing your face there. Eventually, I pried it out of him.”

“So you knew who I was from the moment I woke up?” You ask, settling into the seat beside her. “Is that why you didn’t like me?”

“I had an idea.” Nat confirms. “That’s why when Steve asked me to leave, I said ‘no’. I couldn’t wait to hear the explanation for how you were alive.” She raises an eyebrow.

“I didn’t know you, but I was expected to trust you. In my experience, that’s not how it works. You were a distraction for him at first and I wasn’t sure if you’d fit on the team.”

You open your mouth to argue but she silences you with a look. “You have _more_ than proven yourself. You’re one of us. The compound is as much your home as it’s mine or Steve’s.”

“Thank you Natasha.” You beam at her. “It means the world to hear you say that.”

“You’re welcome.” She smiles back. “And for the eighty-first time, it’s Nat.” 

***

Once you’ve safely tucked your bags away in your suite, you head down to the kitchen to start on dinner. You’re bent over, digging through the produce in the refrigerator when you hear a voice behind you. 

“Goddamn Nat,” Sam lets out a low whistle. “You gotta stop dressing like that. These uniforms are tight enough as it is and I know Banner won’t share.” 

Straightening up, you give an indigent sigh and whirl around to face the man. “Excuse me?” 

He immediately brings his fist up to his mouth as his eyes trail over your body. “Damn…” He locks eyes with you and shakes his head quickly. “Shit. I am in _so_ much trouble.” 

You aren't sure what offends you more, his comments or his gawking. “Sam, watch your mouth.” You chide, settling on the former.

“Yup… I’m real sorry ma’am.” He apologizes sincerely, casting his eyes away from you. “Just never seen you in _anything_ like that and wow… The Captain's real lucky, huh?” Cautiously, he looks back in your direction. “Speaking of, this conversation never happened. Please don’t tell Steve?” 

“Tell Steve what?” You hear from the doorway.

Sam visibly shrinks and spins on his heel. “Ok so, I didn’t mean anything by it. I swear to you, I thought your girl was Natasha.”

You hear Steve scoff at Sam’s words. “How can you confuse the two?” 

Instead of answering, Sam simply steps aside. His movement places you in Steve’s full view. For a moment it looks like the wind has knocked out of him. His eyes drag up your body slowly, taking it all in. From his slow smile to the way his eyes darken, his expression tells you he’s clearly enjoying the view. 

Steve clears his throat and meets your eyes. “Hi.” He says slowly. “Shopping went well.” It’s not a question, you both know it. 

You nod. “Mmhmm” Turning around slowly, you ask him, “Do you like it? You always said I look good in blue.”

He pushes himself away from the doorway and walks toward you. “I do. And you _definitely_ do.”

As his hand snakes around your waist, Sam coughs and you both turn to him. “I’m still here.” He says, almost apologetically. “It’s cool if the answer’s yes, but is it safe to assume that we’re just gonna order take out?”

Steve nods and turns back to you. “Uh,” Sam interrupts once more. “You two won’t be joining us right?”

“No.” Steve confirms with finality. “We’ll be busy, order out.”

Without looking away from Steve’s face, you smile and agree. “You heard the Captain. Menus are in the drawer.”


	50. Chapter Fifty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know that this one is a little shorter buuuuut this chapter is long overdue.
> 
> This one is ALL smut... Enjoy 😘

You both barely make it through the elevator doors before you're pressed against the wall, his lips ghosting along your neck. With Steve’s body leaning against yours, you can feel his arousal through his jeans.

If you had known that wearing something like this would have created _this_ kind of reaction in him, you’d have let Nat take you shopping sooner.

“You look incredible, darling.” Steve murmurs, sliding his hands under the silk of your shirt. “Tell me you got more than one of these.” Nodding, you gasp as his fingers make contact with your heated skin. He gives you a slow smile, “Good.” 

Using his other hand he pops open the buttons of your blouse. Your shirt hangs open, leaving the cream lace of your teddy on full display. You watch Steve’s eyes darken with desire as his fingers trace the cut out of lace on your stomach. “And what’s this?” 

“A surprise.” You whisper in what you hope is a seductive tone. “Do you like it?” Steve doesn’t answer, just hungrily captures your lips in his as he slowly snakes his fingers into your hair. You moan into his mouth, ready to deepen the kiss, when the ding of the elevator makes you both pull away. 

You press your hands to his chest, trying to steady your breathing. “If we don’t get inside my room, everyone is going to get a show.” 

Steve laughs softly as he steps out into the hallway. “With you looking like that, they almost got one in the kitchen.” 

You both cross the few feet to your room. As Steve shuts the door behind him, he slides the lock into place. He turns back to you with a smile and lets his eyes roam over your body.

“Now where were we?” He asks, walking toward you as you let your shirt fall to the floor. You step out of your heels, nudging them toward your shirt. Your cheeks flush as you fumble with the buttons on your jeans. 

“Darling, that’s my job.” He chuckles, looping his fingers into the waistband and pulling you to him.

You let your hands move to his arms and gaze up at him through your lashes. “Then do your job, Captain.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Steve responds with a smile. He cups your ass and lifts you, walking with you to the bed. Your words definitely had the reaction you hoped for.

He lays you on the bed and carefully unbuttons your jeans. You prop yourself up on your elbows and watch as he reverently peels each of your legs out of your jeans. “Let me take care of my best girl.”

Steve stands back up, furrowing his brow. “Something’s missing.” He murmurs as he looks around the room. He makes a hum of appreciation when your heels land in his line of sight.

Bending to pick them up, he turns back to you. “Keep these on,” he tells you as he gently slides each of your feet back into the shoes. As he leans down to meet your lips, you smile against his mouth.

“Do you trust me?” He asks, lips ghosting against yours, as his fingers trace the lace of your panties.

“Of course.” You whisper, looking up at him. 

When his hand slips under the fabric, you inhale sharply. He kisses you again and for a moment you seem to forget where his hand is. His fingers move and slide through your arousal.

You moan at the sudden feeling and buck your hips against his hand when he continues moving his fingers. You whimper at his touch, arching your back when he slips two fingers inside you.

“So wet for me,” he whispers between kisses. “Can’t wait to have a taste.”

You can't help the shiver of excitement that runs through your body at his words. Heat courses through you, making every touch, every movement of Steve’s feel like electricity on your skin.

Yet, despite his bravado, he seems to be in no rush to taste as he indulgently moves his lips from your mouth to the length of your neck. 

You whimper as he kisses the curve of your breasts and moves down to kiss along your navel. He keeps pace with his fingers as you move your hands under his shirt to feel the muscles in his back.

God, you want to feel his skin on yours. He thumbs your clit and you gasp loudly as pleasure spikes through you. He chuckles before placing a kiss on your hip bone and settling himself between your legs.

His beard tickles your inner thigh as he runs his nose along the sensitive skin there. You bite your lower lip as you meet his eyes, watching as he pulls his fingers from you and runs them across his tongue. The groan that comes from him causes color to rush to your cheeks.

You can feel your heart hammer against your chest as he moves to place soft kisses along your skin, whether it’s from nerves or excitement you aren't sure. 

Your doubts vanish as his tongue glides along your slit and you feel your body melt into the bed. Steve hums with appreciation, resting his hands on your thighs. Your fingers move from under his shirt and find their way into his hair. You let yourself relax as you concentrate on the feeling of his mouth and the pleasure you can already feel building.

Steve’s tongue circles your clit, causing a small wave of heat to course through you. You bite your lip again as his motions cause you to squirm under him. Your fingers tighten in his hair and you can feel him smirk.

“My god, you’re beautiful.” He murmurs. “And you taste,“ he growls, leaning back in, “so sweet.” 

Moving his tongue in gentle circles, he continues to suck on your clit. Each gasping breath that escapes your lips only encourages him to keep going. You can feel your orgasm building inside of you. Steve can feel it too. Quickly flicking his tongue back and forth over your clit, he slips two fingers back inside you. 

When he does, your orgasm crashes over you in waves, making your body feel like it’s on fire. He doesn’t move from his spot between your legs until the aftershocks have passed. Slowly, he drags his head up and grins at you. 

“W...where did you learn that?” You ask, surprised by how coherent your voice is.

“The internet.” He smirks, running his hand down his beard. ”So helpful.” *

Laughing softly, you move in an attempt to sit up but stop when Steve holds a hand up. “Where ya going birthday girl?” He asks as he straightens, shrugging out of his shirt. 

“Uh, nowhere?” You’re distracted by the mere sight of him, the skin of his chest glistening slightly as he moves his hands to unbutton his jeans. “I’m enjoying the view, but I thought I could take care of -”

“No sweetheart, this is all about you.” He grins, stepping out of his jeans and boxers. “I’m sure we can get at least one more of those out of you tonight.”

Your cheeks redden as he meets your eyes. He grins and motions for you to lay back down on the bed. You do and he’s on you instantly, peeling you out of your teddy. His heated gaze moves over you as he leans down to pepper your neck with kisses.

You tilt your head back, sighing softly as his mouth works down your chest. His hands move to cup your breasts and you gasp as his thumb drags across your nipples, hardening them into little peaks. 

Steve leans his head down to wrap his lips around one and you arch your back to meet him. “Don’t stop.” You whisper, not caring how desperate you sound.

“I don’t plan to.” He responds, in a tone that fills you with desire. “I can do this all day.”

It feels like he’s worshipping you. Steve’s hands and mouth are somehow everywhere at once, tracing the curves of your body and leaving you feeling breathless. He wraps his arms around you and in a quick motion, flips you both. He is smiling from underneath you as you straddle his lap. 

“I want to watch you,” He says and feeling shy, you look away from him. His fingers reach up to touch your cheek, turning you to face him again. “Sweetheart, you’re so beautiful.” He smiles. “I want to see your face light up when I make you come again.”

You nod and gently lower yourself onto him. You grin when he lets out a low moan and pushes himself up to meet you. You shift to accommodate the fullness you feel with him inside you and brace yourself against his chest.

As you begin to move, his fingers slide down your back. His touch is scalding, even on your flushed skin, as he moves down to cup your ass. 

He starts to direct your movements, snapping his hips up and down as you both move slowly. You’re transfixed by the expression on Steve’s face, as you grind down on him, rocking your hips back and forth.

Each time, his pelvis grazes your clit and you find yourself moving faster to chase the electric feeling in your core. His mouth falls open and he shivers beneath you, letting his head fall back.

“That’s it sweetheart. You’re perfect.” He murmurs, between thrusts. 

He gives your ass cheek a small smack and you yelp in surprise. “I like your bum.” He winks and you can’t help the breathless giggle that escapes you.

You lean down and capture his lips in yours, biting gently on his bottom lip. You groan as he grips your ass tighter and he deepens the kiss. Your fingers thread through his hair and grip tightly. He hisses in pleasure before he closes his eyes and groans.

You throw your head back as Steve begins moving urgently with you now. His hand has slipped between your legs and he rubs your clit with intense skill. _Where did he learn that?!_

You’re right at the edge, chasing the feeling you know is coming and you feel him spasm beneath you. You lean forward and brace yourself against his chest once more.

The feeling triggers your second orgasm of the night as you shout his name breathlessly. He presses his forehead against yours as you both ride out the feeling of your release, electric shocks overriding everything else in your world.

You collapse against him in exhaustion. Steve’s chest rises and falls steadily and you use that to even out your own breathing. “Did you learn that on the internet too?” You ask as you lift your head to smile at him.

“Something like that.” He tucks your hair behind your ears as he grins up at you. “I’m up for a repeat performance anytime.” He gestures to your discarded lingerie on the edge of the bed. “If you have more of those to show me?”

“Not yet,” You tell him. “But I’m feeling very inspired to go shopping again.”

“I’ll happily go with you.” Steve chuckles and meets your eyes with excitement. “I’ve heard dressing rooms can be _very_ fun.” 

You roll your eyes as he grabs your waist and flips you. You yelp in surprise as you suddenly find yourself underneath him. He leans down and kisses your nose.

“I have an _actual_ birthday gift for you,” he says with a smile. He pushes himself off of you and the bed and leans down to retrieve a small box from the pocket of his jeans

“Stevie, you didn’t have to get me anything.” You sit up and wrap yourself in a sheet from the bed. 

“I wanted to. This year deserved to be really special. Especially after what I… after last year.” As your brain catches up, he quickly pulls on his boxers and sits next to you. _Last year? Oh my god, has it really been a year?_ He hands you the box with a smile.

Slowly opening the lid, you immediately tear up. “The last one had to be destroyed and I knew how much it meant to you.” Resting on a bed of red velvet sits a small oval locket with the letter ‘R’ engraved in the center. With trembling fingers, you lift the necklace and open the clasp. 

On one side is a small photo of the two of you dancing and the other side has the words, _‘Darling, you are my strength and my courage. I love you_.’, the same engraving that had been inside your previous locket, the same words that Steve has said to you countless times.

You look up at Steve through your tears. He gently wipes them away as he explains, “You aren’t a Rogers yet, but I fully intend to make you my wife.” Taking the locket from you, he moves your hair and carefully clasps it around your neck. “Do you like it?”

You smile down at it and glance back up at Steve. “It’s perfect, thank you.”

Tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, he grins at you. “Happy birthday sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Last week.... 
> 
> Bucky: You figure out what you're doing for Harvard's birthday yet?  
> Steve: Not yet. I was thinking about taking her to the MET.  
> Sam: Nah, you can't do that.  
> Steve: Why not? She really liked it the first time.  
> Sam: But that was what, 1943? C'mon man, the girl deserves more than just the MET. Right, Barnes?  
> Bucky: She's a simple girl so -shrugs-  
> Sam: Ignore him, Cap. You gotta show that girl a little extra attention.  
> Steve: Spending an entire day with her in the city isn't enough attention?  
> Sam: Yeah, do that but then you gotta do a little extra. What you need to do is go down on that girl.  
> Steve: Excuse me?  
> Sam: Go down on her.  
> Bucky: I mean, it's not a bad idea... Harvard's been through a lot of shit this past years. She deserves to relax a little.  
> Steve: Uh...  
> Sam: Don't tell me you don't know what you're doing... C'mon man, you may be over 100 but you aren't dead.  
> Steve: -shrugs-  
> Bucky: -laughs-  
> Sam: Go google it. You got some time before her birthday.


	51. Chapter Fifty-One

“Come on Sweetheart,” You taunt, blocking Steve’s arm. “Is that the best you’ve got?” He laughs and doubles back, feinting to the left in an attempt to confuse you.

You’re faster than he is, anticipating his move and you roll with his punch. You return with your own strike before he has a chance to get back into a defensive position. He tries to sidestep you and fails as your glove connects with his chest and he stumbles back for a second. 

A few strands of hair fall into Steve’s eyes and he quickly pushes them back. Sweat clings to his chest, making his shirt stick to him like a second skin. It’s entirely too distracting, you think and shake your head to clear your suddenly inappropriate thoughts.

“Tony was right,” He admits, grinning as he moves closer towards you. “You _are_ good at this.” He uses your momentary distraction to knock your legs out from under you.

You tumble to the ground and quicker than you thought possible, Steve is on top of you, straddling your waist. “But I’m better.” Despite his heavy breathing, he still manages a smug smirk as he stares down at you. “I win.”

You can’t help but return the smirk, “Are you sure?” You fling your gloves off and reach up to grab his collar. He’s too confused to resist you and the second his lips meet yours, he melts into the kiss. You nip at his bottom lip before resting your forehead against his. “Because I think I’m the real winner here.” 

Steve tilts his head and grins, going back in for another kiss when a soft noise from behind you makes him pause.

The noise happens again, louder this time and you lean your head to the side and roll your eyes. Without turning around, Steve sighs heavily. “What do you need Buck?” 

“How did you -” Bucky shakes his head. “Never mind, look I swear I’m not trying to make a habit out of this but…”

Steve climbs off of you and pushes himself up onto his knees. He extends a hand to you and helps you into a sitting position. You turn to Bucky with a raised eyebrow. “And yet, here _you_ are.”

“I know!” With raised hands, he looks properly embarrassed. “I don’t know why they always send me! But, Fury called for a briefing.” He gestures with his thumb, “Tony’s already upstairs. I’ll tell them to give you a minute?” 

“Please?” You ask as Steve nods in agreement.

“Can do.” He mutters and backs out of the training room.

You look back at Steve with a small smile as you hear Bucky’s receding footsteps. “We can pick up where we left off after the meeting?”

“You bet.”

***

Tony is already in a heated debate with Director Fury’s projection when you arrive. Bucky and Sam flank him on either side. Both have their arms crossed as they silently listen to the verbal volleying.

You could hear Tony’s raised voice before you had even stepped foot in the room. “Don’t push me on this, Nick.” He argues hotly, as you both slip in. His arms are crossed in clear annoyance. “You’ll need a full tactical assault if you insist on going back in there. And you’re not doing it without us.”

The director’s face pinches in frustration. “Stark, it’s not necessary -”

Tony slams his hands on the table, interrupting him. “No. I want this asshole as much as you do, but I speak for Steve and myself when I tell you that unless you allow clearance for a full tactical workup, with us involved, it’s not happening. Do not underestimate Schmidt.”

The authority in Tony’s voice makes you raise an eyebrow in surprise. You’ve never heard anyone speak to Fury like that. Tony has never shirked his duties as Steve's team lead parter, but he’s certainly never asserted himself like this. You glance at Steve, who has his eyebrow raised as well. You’re both impressed.

Steve clears his throat and Tony whirls around. Relief crosses his features as he sees both of you. “Perfect timing, kids.” He turns back to the projection. “You better start over.”

Fury nods to both of you as you settle against the table. “As I was telling Stark. We believe we’ve located Schmidt. He seems to have holed himself up in a small bunker just outside of Vienna. Now we’ve done exhaustive recon. There’s never been more than six heat signatures in the building. I recommend a small stealth team to go in and dispatch the five Hydra agents we’ve noted and bring Schmidt in- alive if possible. I don’t believe we need a full tactical assault as Stark suggests and I don’t think you need to be involved.”

Steve uncrosses his arms and glances over to you and Tony. “I agree with Tony.” He pushes himself up from the table. “You’re _not_ doing this without us, Nick. I want that bastard dead, but if you want him brought in, the most effective hands are our own.”

You nod your head in agreement. “Director, with all due respect, the Captain and I understand Schmidt’s habits very well, he’s much stronger than you think. I’ve spent more time with him than I care to admit so I believe we would have the advantage here.”

“I agree.” Bucky notes, shifting where he stands. “We’ve already dealt with this clown.” His eyes flit to you for just a second. “He’s caused the team enough pain, let us finish it.”

Fury presses his palm to his face in frustration. “Don’t make me regret this.” 

Tony grins at him, “When have we ever?”

The director rolls his eye as he speaks. “Rogers, gather your people, I’ll have dossiers sent to your Starkpads, you’ll know what I know. Have Coulson run point from the compound. I need eyes on you at all times.” Steve nods in compliance. “Wheels up in two hours.” 

The projection blinks out and for a moment no one speaks. You break the silence by asking Steve how long he thinks you’ll all be gone.

“Sweetheart, you can’t be serious. _You_ aren’t going anywhere.” Steve turns to face you. “Schmidt almost killed you, I’m not going to put you in that kind of danger again.”

“But I’ve… Steve you have to let me go. I’m part of this team.” You can feel your cheeks get hot as anger flares in your chest. You turn to Sam and Bucky, both of whom cast their eyes away from you. _Really?_ You glance at Tony, knowing he’ll take your side. “Anthony?”

Tony shakes his head. “Sorry, Ace. I’m with Cap on this one. Schmidt is dangerous and the guys clearly got some kind of twisted obsession with you. You shouldn’t be anywhere near him.” He uncrosses his arms and shrugs. “We got this.”

 _Fine_ , you think. _Just walk away._ You’ll get on that plane one way or another. “I’m not happy about this. Know that.” You turn on your heels and walk out of the room before Steve or Tony can say anything else about the matter.

***

From your hiding spot in the quinjet’s bathroom, you can hear Steve and Tony talking as they board the plane.

“I know she’s pissed at me, but I don’t get it. She always sees me off.” He pauses. “Tony, tell me I made the right call.”

“Come on Steve. You know you did. You don’t know what seeing that son of a bitch would do to her. Ace is strong, but he put her through Hell.”

Tony makes a sound argument and for a very real moment, you’re afraid that you’ve made the wrong call. You shake the thought away, knowing the value you bring to the team.

You’ve got your new suit with you, nano-tech tucked into the watch on your wrist, and you've been practicing your hand to hand combat again. You can help.

Take off goes smoothly, as it usually does. You sit there for about two hours, smiling to yourself because you’ve actually succeeded with stowing away, again.

You figure that in another hour, you’ll creep out and settle yourself into the back of the plane, hiding just until it’s about time to land. Steve will most likely be angry. When you pulled this stunt back during the war, he was furious, but he got over it. Eventually. 

The bathroom door flings open, visibly startling you. Bucky stares at you with an amused expression. “Harvard?”

“James.” You stare up at the man, eyebrow raised.

Bucky shakes his head, letting out a low chuckle. “Steve’s gonna be pissed.”

You have to react quickly. You grab his arm and pull Bucky into the bathroom with you. If you thought the room was cramped when you were alone, it’s a shoebox with him in there with you. He opens his mouth in confusion and you cover it with your hand before he can speak. “Be quiet. Do you think Steve heard you?”

“No, but I did.” Tony laughs, leaning against the doorway. He takes stock of the compromising position you realize you’re in and grins. “Of all the things I thought I’d find back here, this wasn’t one of them.”

He looks at both of you with what you think is disapproval and shakes his head. “All this time, he’s got a problem with me but what Rogers really had to worry about was you two? Color me impressed.”

“No, no.” You whisper in frustration. “It’s not like that -”

You stop abruptly when you hear Steve call from the other side of the door. “Everything alright back there? Two people definitely don’t fit in that bathroom.”

Tony gives you a pitying stare before answering him. “You’d be surprised.”

Quickly, you shove a still bewildered Bucky away from you and twist to face Steve as he approaches the bathroom. “Hello, darling.” You smile, leaning against the door. Tony steps out of the way to allow Steve entrance to the bathroom.

Anger flashes across his face as he stares at you. “Sweetheart.” He grinds out through clenched teeth. “Trying to make this a habit, are we?”

“What, hiding in bathrooms?” Tony asks, brows furrowed.

“No.” Steve answers without turning away from you. “Defying orders. Stowing away. Putting herself in danger. Honestly, take your damn pick.” 

“Oh, there’s a story here.” Tony smiles wide. “Imma need it.”

Ignoring him, Steve crosses his arms and steps out of the doorway. “Gentlemen, could you assist Sam with the controls? I need to speak to my girl.”

“You got it.” Bucky scoots around you and heads in the direction of the cockpit.

Tony hesitates before leaning over to Steve’s ear. “Cap.” You hear him say before walking away. 

“Yeah, I know,” Steve concedes before turning back to you. Once alone, his eyes narrow in your direction. “I can’t believe you’ve done this. Again. What on Earth were you thinking?”

Anger bubbles out of you. “I was _thinking_ that you can't shut me out of this, Steven. I have just as much right to be here as you do.” You push him out of the way to stand opposite him in the hall of the plane.

“It’s not about having a right to be here. You damn well know that.” Shaking his head, he lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s about safety. Yours _and_ the teams. This was incredibly reckless. Now I’ll have to have an agent stay behind on the jet with you. That throws off our offensive, do you understand that?”

“What are you talking about?” You hiss back, throwing your arms in the air. “I have my suit with me and the team is more than capable -”

Steve cuts you off, his voice low and angry. “Oh, I know the team is capable. And you having your suit? It doesn’t matter. Just you being here is an unnecessary distraction. Especially to me.” He crosses his arms. “I’ll be too worried about you getting hurt to focus on eliminating Schmidt.” 

His words cause tears to fill your eyes. You know he’s not wrong but to hear him say it stings more than you thought it would. “You can tell yourself I’m a distraction all you want, but I know I can help.” You say softly, wiping away your tears. “You need me.” 

Steve’s tone softens. “I need you alive.” He reaches out and touches your cheek. “I don’t mean to be so harsh sweetheart, but you being here terrifies me.”

Your eyes meet his as he continues. “You haven't been near that bastard since we rescued you. You have no idea what this will do to you to see him again.”

“I can handle him.” You promise. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“But I do.” He smiles. “I’ve always worried about you because I love you.”

“I love you too. So let me help.” You reason with him. “You can’t turn the plane around now anyway.”

He glances past you to the front of the plane. “You’re not wrong.” He agrees. “So you get to run point from the plane and Sam will come with us into the base.”

“Steve -” You try to argue with him.

“Darling please, don’t make me the bad guy.” His blue eyes search yours as he speaks. “I am concerned for your safety. Don’t fight me on this, you being here will be fine as long as you _stay in the plane._ ”

“If this goes south, I’m coming in after you.”

“It won’t.” Steve leans down to kiss your forehead before heading back up to the front of the plane. You fidget with the sleeve of your jacket and when you look up, Tony is heading in your direction.

“I’m fine.” You tell him as he stops in front of you.

He crosses his arms. “I figured you would be but you know I’m gonna check.” He thumbs in Steve’s direction. “So the big guy has you running point?”

You nod, trying to hide your annoyance.

“You know these controls Ace, you can do quite a bit from here.” You can tell he’s trying to cushion the blow of you being grounded in the plane. “I'd honestly rather _you_ be here than Wilson. He’s better in the field than with the tech.” He hugs you quickly. “And in here, you’re -”

“Safe. I know.” You pull away from him with a smile. “I’d like for you all to be safe too.”

“And we will be. With you running point from the plane.”

Rolling your eyes, you walk with Tony toward the cockpit. Steve has his head down, concentrating on the mission dossier. Bucky smiles at you when you pass him before turning his attention back to Steve.

“Come on Stevie, don’t be so hard on her. At least Harvard isn’t the one who thinks it’s optional to wear a chute when jumping out of a plane.” 

Steve lifts his head and furiously glares at Bucky before reluctantly sliding his eyes to you. You know you shouldn’t comment but your anger still simmers just below the surface. “I suppose being _reckless_ is a trait we share, Captain.” You storm away before he can say anything.

Sam welcomes you in the cockpit with a smile. You both make small talk for a few moments before you settle yourself in and get comfortable. The rest of the flight passes without incident and you find yourself nodding off in the passenger seat. 

You don’t know how long you’ve rested when Sam nudges you from the pilot’s seat. “Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins.” 

You hear Tony’s laughter from behind you as Sam continues his speech. “While you may not have a choice in flying Avengers Air, we appreciate your business and hope you’ll fly again with us soon.”

***

“You and I are going to have a talk about parachute safety when this is all over.” You say, as you wrap your arms around him tightly. “But I mean it, Steve. If things go south…”

“We will, and they won’t.” He promises. “Besides, we have you keeping an eye on us. We’ve never been in better shape.” 

You stand on your tiptoes to kiss him softly. When your lips touch his, he smiles and deepens it for a brief moment. 

“Can I get one of those?” Bucky grins from beside you. “You know, for luck?”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “You want me to kiss you?”

“Not you.” Bucky laughs, clapping Steve on the shoulder. “It would never work between us, Stevie. I’m too much man for you.” 

You both double over in laughter as Bucky winks at you and heads out of the plane. Sam follows him shortly after, discussing contingencies with the agent staying behind to assist you. 

Tony heads toward you in his suit. He flips up the face plate and nods at Steve. “Ready when you are, Cap.” His eyes move to you. “Keep watch Ace. We can hear each other through the comms. If something looks strange -”

“I’ll tell you immediately.” You smile at both of them. “Please, stay safe.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep the senior citizen out of trouble.” Tony gives you a reassuring smile and claps Steve’s shoulder. “Wouldn’t want him to break a hip.”

You roll your eyes as Tony turns and heads out with Steve right behind him.

As they head down the ramp, you call out to them. “Boys?” They both turn in your direction. “Take the bastard out.”

“Yes ma’am.” They declare in unison and you head back into the plane with a small smile.

***

The agent with you is boring you to tears. As he drones on about every dull subject he can think of, you pull up every thermal and geographical map of the base you have.

Tony’s voice sounds in your ear, confirming the direction he’s moving in and you can see his heat signature on the screen. Sam confirms that he has Tony’s six and you see his signature behind the first. Steve and Bucky clear room after room, confirming the emptiness you see on the screens. 

“This is odd, don’t you think?” You ask them. “Shouldn’t we have found something by now?”

“Yes.” Comes Steve’s answer in your ear. “Fury said there would be five agents along with Schmidt.”

“It’s been over an hour and we’ve got nothing?” Tony questions. “Feels like a trap.”

“Don’t be so optimistic Tony.” Sam crackles through. “Maybe… left…” His comm starts to cut out.

“Sam, I think you got a buggy line.” You check the reception of the comms, all of them seem fine. “Steve, Tony? Can you hear him?”

When you’re met with silence you adjust the frequency and try again. “Steve? Tony? James? Does anyone copy?”

Tony comes through, “Ace? Where’d you go? Cap, you think she’s ignoring us? Are we having too much fun, I bet that’s it.”

“Ignore him darling,” Steve laughs through the line. “We all do.”

You get the agent’s attention. “Andrews, I think something’s going on with the frequency. I can hear them but they can’t hear me.”

He stands and starts fiddling with the controls. “The issue doesn’t seem to be coming from our side. There must be something inside the building that’s causing the jam.”

Movement from the screen beside you catches your attention. When you turn, you see five heat signatures in a cluster. You breathe a sigh of relief, at least the team’s together. 

Your relief turns to horror when your eyes slide to the left of the screen. A mass of heat signatures are rushing toward Steve and the team, bottlenecking them in the room they’re in. With growing dread, you realize there has to be at least fifty of them and you have no way to warn them.

“This _was_ a trap! Dammit it!” You swear loudly and jump from your seat. “I have to warn them!”

“Ma’am! Ma’am!” He calls after you, “We should call for backup!”

You’re already down the ramp when he calls to you again. You can’t wait for backup, you’re all they’ve got. As you press the button on your watch, releasing your suit, you can only hope that you’ll be enough.


	52. Chapter Fifty-Two

The entrance way into the base seems eerily familiar. You wonder dryly if Hydra kept the same blueprint for all of them. As you slowly make your way down the halls, you keep your repulsor armed and ready. Agent Andrews follows behind you with his firearm out in front of him.

Ma’am,” he hisses after you’ve cleared the third room. “We need to go back to the plane. I have strict orders to keep you safe.”

“You also have strict orders to assist me in running point.” You whirl around and flip up your faceplate, narrowing your eyes in his direction.

“My team is in danger. The man I love is in danger. So I am choosing to run point from inside this base. Are you _really_ going to try to stop me? Do you think that’s your wisest course of action?”

“No ma’am.” He responds. “But what would Captain America tell me if I just let you -”

“He would tell you to do as I say.” You know it’s a lie the second you say it but, right now, you don’t care. Steve, along with the people you care most about, is in trouble. He can get mad at you all he wants when he’s safely back on the plane with you.

Andrews attempts to argue, stopping abruptly when a bullet narrowly misses his head. You yell at him to get down as you close your faceplate and begin firing back. You grab and pull him into an open door, giving you both only moments to regroup. 

“Where did they come from?” He asks, leaning around the corner. “I can’t tell how many are out there.”

Scanning the outer corridor with your suit, you assess the threat. “There looks to be only four of them, easy to dispatch.” Andrews nods at you and you both take turns shooting out into the hall until you hear silence. Your suit tells you there is no thermal activity and you relay the news with a grim smile. 

“Ma’am, I would exercise caution moving forward.” Andrews tells you as he peeks around the corner. ”I feel like there’s no way to really tell how many more agents are here.”

You consider his words and realize that he’s going to hate your next suggestion but it’s the only logical one you can come up with. “I need you to go back to the plane.” He immediately shakes his head. “It’s not optional Agent. Try and radio for backup. Get anyone you can.”

“I don’t think -”

“Do as I tell you or this _rescue_ mission could become a _recovery_ mission.” Flipping up your face plate, you look him directly in the eye. “For everyone here.”

“Be safe.” Andrews yells as he takes off down the hallway. Once alone, you take a deep breath and carry on toward the room at the center of your blueprint. 

You find little issue getting to the center. Each room and hall you pass is silent, giving zero indication that anyone has been here. You comm crackles to life and you freeze, suddenly able to hear everything that’s happening.

The battle is not going well, you realize that instantly. No matter how skilled the team may be, there’s four of them against god knows how many.

“Steve?!” Panic floods through your voice when you speak. “Can you hear me? I’m coming!”

You rush down the next set of stairs you find and pull up the map in your suit. You are minutes from the room the team was bottlenecked in. Continuing your trek, you once again try to let the team know that help is on the way. 

Two fallen Hydra agents are the first sign that you’re near to the commotion. You step over their bodies and peer around the corner. You see two more agents - these ones standing guard by the door.

Steve’s shield lays abandoned on the floor. The sight makes your mouth run dry. You have to get into that room and help them gain the upper hand. 

As quietly as you can, you fire off two quick repulsor rounds. Both men fall and you remind yourself to thank Tony for calibrating the suit so accurately. Gingerly, you step down the hall and towards the door.

 _How on Earth did this get out here,_ you think as you lean down to lift the shield off the ground. Your heart starts pounding in your chest when you notice that blood is splattered across the front of the metal. You pray that it’s not Steve’s as you slide it onto your arm and peer around the entrance to the raging battle inside. 

It’s chaos. 

Sam’s exosuit looks to have sustained enough damage to keep him grounded. He throws a quick uppercut to the agent on his left, only to double over when another agent punches him in the stomach.

Sam deflects the next incoming punch but two agents seem to come from nowhere and grab his arms. When another punch lands to his chest, he falls to the ground with a loud groan.

You find Tony next. He picks himself up from the floor as three agents surround him. His nano suit has been pulled away from his left leg and his right arm. The armor of his left hand is fashioned into a spear that he wields with ease. Unfortunately, the agents fighting him don’t seem to be phased. 

Before you can do anything, one of them rips the faceplate off his suit and throws a hook that knocks Tony to the floor. Before he can stand back up, another agent kicks him the face. This time, Tony doesn’t get back up.

Your eyes scan the room and settle on Bucky next. He is fighting off at least seven agents. Despite your growing panic, you’re proud of the fact that he is holding his own against that many.

A glint of steel in his hand causes two agents to drop to the ground, bloodied and still. Bucky turns away from you and throws a right hook to another agent on his left. 

You turn to look for Steve but your attention is quickly pulled back when a new, larger agent grabs Bucky’s metal arm and twists the hand of it from its joint. The metal falls to the floor and you have to cover your mouth to keep from screaming.

 _Where is Steve?!_ You continue scanning the battle and look up to the scaffolding near the back of the room. That’s where you finally find him.

Steve is fighting with Schmidt near the edge, throwing punch after punch. Schmidt lands as many blows as he dodges, pushing Steve closer to the broken railing than you’re comfortable with.

A blow lands to Steve’s chest that knocks him down and your chest tightens in horror when Schmidt pulls a Kruger pistol from his jacket and points it at Steve. Unless you do something right now, you’re going to lose him.

You lift your face plate and aim your repulsor at the weak point in the scaffolding. “Captain!” You yell as loudly as you can. Steve freezes for a second when he sees you. “Jump!” 

The beam hits its target, collapsing the scaffolding in a cloud of smoke and confusion. You rush into the room, firing off blasts at as many agents as you can while using the shield to push back anyone who tries to get in your way. You watch them drop one by one, until only a handful remain. 

You turn to take down the agents holding Bucky when Schmidt’s voice rings through the smoke. “I would cease fire, liebchen!” You whirl back and find yourself eye to eye with him. “Unless you want to be the cause of your precious captain’s death.” 

You look down his arm to find the Kruger pistol still in the man’s hand. Steve is on the ground with two large agents keeping him pinned to the floor. You watch, frozen in fear, as Schmidt crosses the small distance between them and presses his boot to Steve’s chest. The shield falls from your arm and clatters uselessly to the floor.

“Sweetheart,” Steve calls out, sounding weaker than you expected. “Get out of here, please.”

“You know I won’t leave you here.” You tell him before turning your attention to Schmidt. “Please, don’t hurt him.”

“Step out of that suit, liebchen.” When you hesitate, Schmidt grinds his foot further down onto Steve’s chest. His groan of pain makes your heart twist and you step closer to them to do as he asks. “Let us talk like civilized adults.”

“Don’t do it, kid.” Sam yells. “That suit is the only thing standing in his way right now. Take that off and -” A jab to the face silences him.

Hearing the cocking of the gun, you turn your attention back to Schmidt. “Take it off or I shoot the Captain in the head.” 

Steve struggles to twist himself out from under Schmidt’s boot. The agents holding him pull him up to his knees and hold him there. He glares at Schmidt with fury in his eyes and holds his gaze steady. ”Don’t listen to him, I’ll be alright.”

“Oh, Captain,” Schmidt taunts, leaning over to press the muzzle to Steve’s forehead. “You won’t be alright, you’ll finally be dead.” He whispers something in Steve’s ear that makes him freeze and glance in your direction.

_Enough._

“Stop!” You scream out. “Don’t shoot him! I’ll do what you want.”

Steve shakes his head, fear for you etched on his face, but you’re already allowing the nanotech to suppress itself back into your watch. “You wanted me out of it, here I am.” Your voice rings, loud and angry in the cavernous chamber. “Take the gun _off_ him.” 

“Not until you ask nicely, liebchen.” Schmidt sneers at you. “Where are your manners?”

Drawing in a steadying breath, you step closer to them and survey the damage already done to the rest of your team. “Please.” You don’t want to beg this monster, but you will if it keeps Steve alive. “Take the gun off of -”

A trickle of water leaks from the broken piping above you. It hits your face and stops you cold. You try to draw in breath as your chest tightens from the memory you can’t stop.

_Schmidt fists his hand into your hair, yanking your head back. Your eyes lock with his, feeling fresh panic claw its way into your chest._

_“As much as I enjoy watching this, it’s clearly not effective. I think we need to try something new.” He releases your hair and turns to his counterpart. “Mach das wasser an.”_

_From above your head, you hear water rushing through a pipe. In seconds, you are soaked and freezing. With the tattered remains of your clothing offering little protection, you know there is no way you can last long under the icy water._

_“Oh, liebchen,” He shakes his head as he chuckles again. “Since you enjoyed your first deep freeze, let’s see how long you last like this.” Nodding to the other man, he disappears behind you. “Schalte es in zehn minuten aus.”_

You drop to your knees, shaking hands frantically wiping the water from your face. Schmidt’s low chuckle brings you to the present. You quickly draw in as much as air as your lungs will allow and try to calm yourself. You absolutely don’t want to react this way, especially in front of Steve and the others. 

“Stay away from her you son of a bitch!” Steve’s voice rings out, making you look up in confusion. The agents holding him tighten their grip when he attempts to get an arm free. His face is a mask of pure horror as he struggles unsuccessfully to get loose.

“Don’t touch her!” He begs and your heart twists at the desperation in his voice.

When you see Schmidt walking toward you, you scoot backward to get away from him. “Don’t worry, Captain,” he calls, turning back to Steve. “I’ll always take care of _our_ girl.” He leans down, hand fisting in your hair. “Do you want more liebchen?”

You swallow back the disgust rising in your throat at Schmidt’s ‘ _our girl_ ’ comment. Your father had let Don call you that once. Back then, the power that Don seemed to wield was terrifying and your father hadn’t blinked at the way Don treated you. You let yourself be paralyzed with fear every time he was near you.

But this isn’t 1942 and you’re not that same scared girl. You have so much more to fight for now. "I'm not afraid of you.” You hiss, glaring up at him. 

As Schmidt pulls you to your feet, your hands fly up to your hair. He laughs, spinning you so your back is pressed to his front, as you try to pry his fingers off you. “Come now, your eyes say otherwise.”

You freeze when the muzzle of the Kruger pistol presses against your side. “Don’t make me shoot you in front of him again.” He threatens, loud enough for everyone to hear. “And this time, I promise you that I won’t miss.”

You tear your eyes away from Schmidt and glance quickly at Steve and the others. Steve’s eyes are glued to the pistol at your side. You’re terrified that they will hear everything and be forced to watch you relive each torturous memory you’ve fought to push down.

“Let’s have a repeat performance.” He sneers, walking you forward so water trickles on your face again. You can’t stop the panic that erupts from your chest when it hits you. “I know you enjoyed how wet I made you the first time.” 

“No! Please stop, please!” You beg in a frantic voice. 

From across the room Steve shouts, “What are you doing to her?!” and tries again to twist himself out of his captor’s grip. “Please don’t hurt her!”

Ignoring Steve’s pleas, Schmidt watches your petrified reaction and takes a dramatic breath. “Oh! Did you not tell them?” You shake your head violently as he turns you both and addresses the group. “She’s kept secrets from you, Captain. Interessant(1).” 

“I haven’t kept anything -”

He easily cuts you off, speaking over you as he tightens his grip in your hair. “No secrets? So you’ve told them how many times you let me water douse you?”

You shiver at his words and avoid looking at Steve. “It was five times, gentleman. No need to be curious. The third time, she lost consciousness. Most likely due to hypothermia.” 

You close your eyes briefly as Bucky calls your name. You open them and glance in his direction. His face is calm despite the bruising and blood you see. “Pay attention to me, Harvard, don’t listen to what he’s saying.” 

Schmidt gestures to the agent closest to Bucky. Without a word, the agent wraps his hand tightly around your friend's throat, silencing him. “Leibchen, I don’t care if you listen, you and I will always have our memories. I want _them_ to hear it.” 

He turns you, forcing you to be in clear view of Steve as he continues to speak. “Waking you up with that cattle prod was fun, wasn’t it?” Your eyes start to well with tears when Steve’s eyes widen in horror. “The way you tried to get away from my colleague… it was almost comical to think that you could.”

You squeeze your eyes shut so you don’t have to watch Bucky and Sam react. Steve is a little harder to block out. When he speaks your name you open your eyes and watch him mouth ‘You’re going to be okay.’ You wish you could believe him.

Schmidt laughs in your ear. “Ah, then there were my cigarettes! How you managed to not scream. Honestly liebchen, I was impressed.” Moving his hand from your hair, he pulls the collar of your shirt down to call attention to the faded scarring on your chest. “Has she shown any of you _these_ scars?” 

You want to kick backward and shove yourself away from him, but with his pistol pressed into your side, you don’t dare.

“I’d assume it’s harder to hide the ones on your wrists. Heating shackles with a blowtorch _does_ tend to leave more vulgar marks.” He explains as he walks you closer to Steve. “I do wonder, have you been intimate with your Captain?” 

At that, Steve renews his struggling and snaps his eyes over to Schmidt. “Shut your mouth. You have no right -”

“Did she not show you where I burned her?” Schmidt asks, interrupting Steve’s threat. “Or did the marks on her side not bother you enough to ask about them when you took your fill of her body?” 

Schmidt leans his head against yours, the gesture making you want to pull away as much as you can. You squeeze your eyes shut again, letting tears slip out onto your cheeks.

“Surely the burns on her thigh must have given you a moment of disgust. The ugly realization that you are not the only man to lay hands on her must have driven you mad with jealousy.” 

Your eyes fly open at the lie in his words. “Please stop. We never.” You whisper, struggling against him. Steve closes his eyes for a moment, drawing in a deep breath.

You wish he didn’t have to hear any of this, listen to any of this bastard’s lies. You had done everything you could to spare him, all of them, from the details of what had happened to you. 

When he opens his eyes again, Steve addresses you directly. “Sweetheart, don’t be afraid -” He stops dead as an agent presses a knife against his throat. He swallows slowly, closing his eyes and wincing when the blade cuts into his skin. 

When he opens them again and stares at you, you can see real fear reflected in the soft blue of his eyes. Your panic grows when you realize that for the first time, he’s unsure you’re all going to make it out of this alive.

“Steve…” You whisper as another tear falls down your cheek.

Schmidt chuckles as he presses the pistol further into your side. “I’d actually prefer if you were but I don’t think you were _truly_ afraid of me until I picked up that bat, hmm?” You push against him as you watch Steve panic.

“The sound of your bones breaking? Nothing can compare. Well, almost nothing.” He pauses and tilts his head away from you. “Oh Captain, her screams were simply perfektion(2). What I wouldn’t do to hear them again.” 

Despite the fear etched on his face, Steve doesn’t take his eyes off you. Schmidt turns you away from Steve, so he can look into your eyes. “We did have so much fun together, didn’t we?” He pushes you down to your knees, smiling cruelly as he takes in your expression. 

Schmidt leans into you, lips pressing to your ear. “If you even think about your suit, leibchen, the Captain will be dead before he hits the floor, verstehst du(3)?” You nod, too scared to speak.

“What would it take to make you scream like that, one more time?” Schmidt asks, loud enough to make you jump. You hate that your body is trembling, Steve was right - you should have stayed at the compound. You’re useless to them. You take stock of the chaos around you. 

Bucky and Sam are held by agents ready to kill them at a moment's notice, Tony lying unconscious on the ground, and Steve kneeling with a knife at his throat. This mess is entirely your fault. You haven’t helped them, you’re going to be the cause of their deaths. 

“Should I shoot you first?” Schmidt presses the muzzle to the back of your head and you squeeze your eyes shut. “No. I want you to watch.” The gun moves and your eyes open again at his next words.

“Perhaps I’ll kill your friends first. Then the Captain.” You look up at his outstretched hand, the gun trained on Steve’s chest. “Once I’ve taken away everyone you love, I’ll kill you. Finish what I started.” 

“Leave her alone!” Steve shouts as you close your eyes once more. “Shoot me, I’m the one you really want!” 

Schmidt smiles, “Not as dramatic an ending as I’d hoped but, wie du möchtest(4).”

Everything happens at once.

A shot rings out and you can’t help the scream that rips from you. Your eyes fly open at the commotion you suddenly hear. Steve quickly elbows the agent pressing the knife against his throat. The metal clatters to the floor as he rushes toward you. You twist your body to see Schmidt on the ground, blood seeping from his shoulder. 

You look across the room in confusion. You let out a breath of relief when you see Tony. He sways, unsteady on his feet as his repulsor fires down. With a nod, he meets your eyes and you can see how much pain and exhaustion is written on his face.

You scoot away from Schmidt as he calls to his men. “Hol mich hier raus(5)!” At once, the remaining agents holding onto Sam and Bucky rush toward him. They help the man to his feet and haul him out of the room. Everyone is too stunned to stop it from happening. 

You turn away from Schmidt’s retreating form as Steve reaches your side. You stare up at the man you love, the man you almost lost - again. His eyes are wild and still filled with terror as he checks you over for any sign of damage. 

With a sob, he pulls you to him and buries his head against your neck. You can feel him shaking as he wraps his arms around you. The moment you understand you’re truly safe, you sag against him and let out your own sob. 

“That was too close of a call,” Tony swears softly as he makes his way toward you both. “Let’s get out of here.”

As Sam heads in your direction, you notice a visible limp from his left leg. He claps Bucky’s shoulder as he leans down to pick up the shield. “I agree with Tony.” He stares at Bucky’s missing hand. “None of us are in good shape.”

“Took your sweet time, huh?” Steve looks up at Tony and manages a small smile. “I told you to take a nap on the plane.”

“Come on, Cap,” He teases, extending his hand to help you and Steve stand. “Couldn’t let Barnes be the only one who can make a dramatic entrance. He’s got two on me, you know I don’t do second place.” 

***

Despite the eight hour flight time, no one's ready or prepared to discuss what happened. Steve refuses to leave your side during the flight and you’re sure it’s because the second you land, Steve will lay into you about the mistakes you’ve made. Your actions almost destroyed the team, everyone can see that. 

F.R.I.D.A.Y. informs Sam that he’ll need stitches in his leg and checks on Tony’s mild concussion. The AI completes body scans on both of them and finds multiple instances of bruising and minor damage. Tony makes a joke about old age and Sam raises an eyebrow before cracking a smile.

Bucky will need a completely new hand - Tony said as much as you all boarded the plane minutes before. Even though the three of them don’t seem too upset about what needs to happen, you’re sure they think the same thing.

You caused this. Each of them has checked on you but aside from the lingering shock of it all, you’ve sustained no damage. Each time, you’ve pushed their hands away - your only concern is them. 

You make a point to voice your concerns to Steve about halfway through the flight. He tells you not to worry, everything will be alright. You nod, allowing yourself to drift off in his arms. It’s the second time today Steve’s tried to reassure you. It’s the second time you wish you could believe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Interesting  
> (2) Perfection  
> (3) Do you understand?  
> (4) As you wish  
> (5) Get me out of here


	53. Chapter Fifty-Three

Steve gently nudges you once the quinjet is on the ground. You wake with a start and frantically look around you. “You’re alright,” He says somberly. “We’re home, let’s get the team inside.” You nod, refusing to meet his eyes, and begin gathering your things. 

Tony helps Sam out of the plane and heads back up the ramp to where you stand. You glance up at him quickly and give him a small smile. He gives you a once over with a mix of concern and pity. You turn away from him when you feel your cheeks flush with guilt. 

You start to help Bucky with his things before Tony can even open his mouth. Bucky accepts your assistance graciously but shakes his head, avoiding your gaze when you ask him if you’ve forgotten anything. 

You know what’s coming when you get back into the compound. Steve may not look angry now, but he has every right to be. Your actions were reprehensible, you willingly endangered yourself and the team.

You hope that if you keep yourself busy, helping the team in the medbay, you can stave off the impending argument for as long as possible. Almost as if he senses your discomfort, Bucky puts his good arm around you and walks with you off the plane. 

By the time you help Bucky into the medbay, the doctors are already working quickly to patch up the injured. Sam’s leg is already stitched; he smiles at you as you lead Bucky to the next bed.

“We’ll get you fixed up James.” You tell him encouragingly. When he nods, you turn to check on Tony in the bed across the room. “Anything broken?” You ask him softly, thumbing the edge of the hospital bedding. 

“Just my pride, Ace.” Tony shrugs with a small smile. “Needed a few stitches here and there but the suit took most of the damage. The concussion is a real pain but you know me, hard headed and all. Gimme a few hours and I’ll be good as new.”

He pats the edge of the bed and you sit. “You should get yourself checked out too. While you’re here.”

You shake your head quickly. “No, I’m more concerned about the four of you.” He makes a skeptical expression, letting you see just how much he doesn’t believe you. “Honestly Tony, I’m fine.” 

He raises an eyebrow. “Yeah Ace, you keep saying that. It can’t be me you’re trying to convince.” You glance around the room but see no sign of Steve.

“Cap’s not here.” Tony offers, reading the anxiety in your eyes. “He went straight up to debrief Fury and hopefully give him an earful. _We don’t need a full tactical work up_ my ass. That went to Hell too damn fast. I don’t know what intel he was working with but...” He trails off and you look away, staring at the floor.

Tony leans back as a nurse comes over to read his vitals. You stand and move out of the way. Your eyes flit over to Sam and then Bucky before settling back on Tony. “Don’t worry about Barnes.” Tony says. “I’ll get him sorted out. He won’t even miss the old hand when I’m done.”

Bucky grins at you from across the room. “You’ll give me a _hand_ right Stark? Not a hook or a claw?” 

Tony laughs and immediately regrets the motion, grabbing his side. You hadn’t seen him get hit there but it doesn’t surprise you. You were about twenty minutes behind the chaos when it started.

You have no idea how much damage was inflicted before you got there. “As much fun as it would be to see you with a claw machine hand,” Tony points out, “I’m pretty sure Cap wouldn’t be pleased.” 

“Okay, but here me out,” Sam laughs. “He’d be real fun at parties.” 

“I am _plenty_ fun at parties.” Bucky argues, feigning offense. “Maybe Tony can give _you_ a claw.”

Sam bursts out laughing as he pushes himself up in the bed. “Tony, you make it extendable and I just might consider it.” 

“Listen, I’m concussed,” Tony laughs. “One limb at a time please.” 

The other two men laugh with him and you use this moment to slip out of the main room. You make your way out of the medbay with a small smile. You feel intense relief in knowing they are all going to be fine. Now, you just hope you can make it up to your room before you see Steve.

Sliding the door shut, you quickly turn around and crash right into the man you’re trying to avoid. “Are you alright?” Steve asks calmly. You stumble backward, embarrassed, as he extends his arms to steady you. “Did the med team clear you?”

“Steve, I… I’m fine.” You stammer. “Everyone is going to be okay. Once I knew that, I figured I would go back to my suite.”

He tilts his head, considering you. After a moment, he nods and gestures down the hallway. “Alright then, I’m coming with you. We need to talk.”

You can feel your heart hammering in your chest when you look up at him. “You… you should get yourself checked out too. You fell from the scaffolding.” You look up at the faint line of dried blood on his throat. “And I don’t want that cut to get infected.” 

“I’m fine.” He promises with a smile that doesn’t meet his eyes. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

Nodding, you move in front of him. You keep a steady pace as you both walk to your room. As your anxiety grows, silent tears slip down your cheeks. Each time, you hastily wipe them away before Steve can see. You deserve what’s coming and if he sees how upset you are, you don’t want to make things worse.

With the door shut behind you, you turn and close your eyes. Before you can react, Steve’s arms are wrapped tightly around you. He rests his head on top of yours and lets out a small sob.

Even though his arms are shaking, you feel the tension in his body melt away as he holds you. You blink away fresh tears and glance up at him. “I’m sorry.” You say softly, before burying your head back into his chest.

“For what?” Steve pulls away from you, confusion written on his face. “Sweetheart, you saved my life.” He gently touches your cheek, wiping away your tears. “You saved everyone.”

“I deliberately disobeyed your orders and -”

Shaking his head, he cuts you off. “ _And_ you took out at least two dozen Hydra agents in one sweep.” You stare up at him, confused. This hadn’t been what you were expecting. You had thought he’d be angry with you.

“Darling, we were losing. There were just too many of them for us. From where I was, there was nothing I could do to help the men on the ground.” 

Steve motions for you to take a seat on the sofa as he speaks. “And Schmidt made sure I knew it too.”

Furrowing your brow, he explains with a sigh. “The bastard taunted me. He could see what was happening below and wasted no time telling me that his team was going to kill mine.” 

You reach for his hand as he sits right beside you. “I’m sorry if firing the repulsor blast stopped you from ending him. I saw him up there with you and I just reacted.”

“He had me for a second.” Steve admits as he leans back into the cushions. “If you hadn’t fired when you did, it would have ended very differently for me.” 

“What do you mean?”

He squeezes your hand and lets out a shaky breath. “I was holding my own but the son of a bitch is stronger than I expected.” He shivers at the memory. “Schmidt knows that you’re my weak spot. He threatened you, told me that after he killed me there would be no one to keep you from him. You’d finally be his.”

Your free hand flies to your mouth. “He used my fear against me and was able to knock me down. Schmidt would have killed me, he… he wouldn’t have hesitated.”

“So the blast -”

“The blast saved my life.” Steve smiles at you. “ _You_ saved my life.” 

“I expected you to be angry with me.” You tell him, looking at the floor. “I thought I made it worse. I thought I’d be able to handle seeing Schmidt but I just froze. I was an idiot for thinking that I could do anything to fight against him. I wasn’t expecting him to… and after all that, he got away. Again!”

“Sweetheart,” Steve says softly. “Don’t say that, you are _not_ an idiot. You held yourself together in the face of the man who brutally tortured and tormented you. You, my love, are so strong. Stronger than I’ve been in the face of that much pain.” 

You raise your eyebrow as he continues. “Darling, I nearly fell apart when I first woke back up and realized I was alone.” His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper.

“Seventy years had passed and everyone I loved, everyone I cared about, was gone. What made me so special that I got to survive while my friends didn’t? I had days where I struggled to put on my uniform and just do my job. I didn’t want to. I felt that I didn’t have the right or the strength to occupy the space I took.”

“Steve, I… I didn’t know.” You stammer softly. 

“No, no it’s alright. No one knew how I felt. I didn’t feel like I could talk to Tony, or even Nick. I just wanted to work the job and mindlessly wait for the next one.” He stops for a moment and reaches for your hand. 

“I looked for you. Immediately, I looked for you. Your file said ‘presumed dead’, it broke my heart when I saw it. I had files on everyone; Howard, The Commandos, Bucky. All dead. I felt especially responsible for your death and his. Seeing my failures laid out for me was unbearable. I couldn’t sleep, I could barely function.”

Steve gently wipes away your tears and meets your eyes. “You can’t imagine my relief when fate brought you both back to me.”

You had no idea the amount of pain and guilt Steve had felt. It wasn’t his fault and yet, that didn't change how he looked at the situation _._ You move yourself closer to him and rest a hand on his leg. “Stevie, none of that was your fault. You must know that.”

He smiles. “That’s what I’m trying to tell _you_. Schmidt got away yes, but Tony got a good shot at him. He’s wounded now. He’ll be on the run and we all live to fight another day.”

He pulls you to him. “Because of you we made it out. Trust me, I’m the opposite of angry.” He leans back and gives you a soft smile. “I’ve never been more thankful that you didn’t listen to me.” 

“That couldn’t have been easy for you,” you murmur softly. “Thank you for telling me.”

Steve leans down and gently kisses your forehead. “I don’t want to keep secrets from my best girl.” He runs his fingers through your hair before pushing himself up from the couch and heading to the kitchenette.

“You look exhausted. Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll make you some tea to help you sleep.” He freezes as soon as the words leave his mouth. Spinning on his heel, Steve kneels down in front you. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” 

You’re confused and he knows it. You give yourself a moment to catch up. When you understand why he thinks he’s upset you, you immediately shake your head.

“It’s alright, my love. I’m sorry you had to find out that way, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t want to keep secrets from you either.” You stand and hold out your hand to him. “You deserved to know, I just… I didn’t want to burden you with the details of it all.” 

Steve opens his mouth to speak and you ignore him, carrying on. “You had saved me, I wanted to put it behind me and move on.” You give him a pointed stare. “And be honest, if you had known the extent of what he had done to me, you would have kept me from missions indefinitely.”

He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t deny it. Instead, he runs a hand down his face as he stands.

“When I found you in that room, you looked so bruised and broken. I could’ve asked you but I didn’t push. I just felt so lucky that you had survived. Even in the hospital, when the doctor went through your injuries with me so we could give you proper care - I didn’t know exactly what you had been through. I didn’t stop to consider that your injuries ran deeper than what I could see.” 

Walking to the cabinet, he grabs two glasses and heads to the sink. “When we got home, you were adjusting so well.” He explains, glancing over his shoulder at you.

“I told myself that I didn’t want to push you into talking about something that was so difficult, that I was sparing you from it. But I know I was only sparing myself from the guilt I felt over not finding you fast enough.” 

His words stun you into silence. In the countless ways this conversation could have gone, you hadn’t imagined this. How could Steve blame himself for you not wanting to talk about what had happened? He didn’t have to feel guilty about it. What Schmidt did wasn’t his fault. 

“It was my job to protect you and again, I failed.” _Again?_ You quickly cross the distance to him as he turns around completely. “I should never have given Schmidt the opportunity to put you in that position. Not only did he force you to relive that torture in front of me, but in front of the team as well. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Steve, listen to me.” You tell him, reaching for his face. “The team shouldn’t have had to hear any of that and I will talk to them. They deserve an explanation. But I would endure Schmidt a thousand times more if it kept you safe. You said it, he was going to kill you. If letting him taunt me, gave Tony that second to shoot him? I can live with that.”

When he stares down at you, his eyes are full of warmth. “Sweetheart, I don’t know what I did to deserve you. You are the most incredible woman I’ve ever known.”

“I love you too.” Pushing yourself up on tiptoes, you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. He leans into the kiss and dramatically dips you backward. You giggle and look up at him with a grin. “Alright, Captain.” You muse, kissing him again. “I think we both need sleep. It’s been a day.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Steve agrees, straightening both of you. “But I gotta be honest with you darling, once I go grab a change of clothes - I’m not letting you out of my sight again. So which side of the bed do you want?” 

***

F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice is the first thing you hear the next morning. “Ma’am, Captain Rogers,” The AI announces throughout the room. “Sergeant Barnes is requesting that both of you come down to the kitchen immediately. Mr. Stark is attempting to cook.”

You push yourself up quickly and raise an eyebrow in Steve’s direction. “Is he trying to burn down the compound?” He shrugs with a laugh and slides out of bed. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” You call out, “Tell Sergeant Barnes to have the extinguishers ready. We’ll be right down.”

“Tony probably wanted to give you a break.” Steve reasons, grabbing a fresh shirt from the chair beside your bed. “I’m sure he’s not actually trying to burn anything down.”

“You can’t make that promise.” You argue, sliding out of bed. “Tony could burn cereal.” You walk over to your dresser and grab what you need before heading to your closet. When you slide the doors open, you feel Steve right behind you.

“Wear this one,” he suggests, pointing to a soft yellow dress with a full skirt. “I haven’t seen you in yellow.”

You scrunch your face in confusion and lean back against his chest. “That’s a lie. I wore yellow when you first took me to the MET.” 

“That was in 1943,” he points out with a small laugh. “It doesn’t count.” 

You grab the dress from the hanger and spin around. “Says who?”

Steve leans down and kisses your forehead. “Your Captain, that’s who.” You can feel your heart flutter wildly when he smiles down at you.

You roll your eyes. “Well Captain, about face. I need to get dressed.”

He smiles and grabs your waist, pulling you close to him. “No need for the formalities Ma’am, I think we’re far past that.” You smile up at him, feeling color creep into your cheeks. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“You’re not wrong.” Stepping back, you slide out of your nightgown and start to get yourself ready. “And while we could volley back and forth on the practicalities of you watching me get dressed, if we don’t get downstairs, that man will burn down my kitchen.” 

“Fine, fine.” He chuckles softly. “By the way, waking up next to you was really nice.” Steve admits as he gently zips the dress for you. “Definitely wouldn’t mind starting every day like that.” 

You let your hair fall back into place. “I wouldn’t mind it either.” As you walk to your vanity, you can feel his eyes on you. “I loved waking up in your arms.” You pick up your brush and start to style your hair into place as Steve heads into the bathroom.

“We could make that happen you know.” Steve offers, emerging from the bathroom a few minutes later.

How he manages to make his hair look _that_ perfect astounds you. You look him over with pride, loving everything about him. You know you’ll never get tired of seeing just how handsome Steve is.

He gives you a sideways grin when he catches you watching him. “What do you think?” He asks. “Do you want to?” 

You tilt your head in confusion. “Do I want to what?”

His boisterous laugh makes him double over. “Do you want to make that happen? Wake up next to each other every day.”

“Oh!” You exclaim, feeling your cheeks heat again. “Of course I do. But what would the team think?”

“Sweetheart, it’s not 1945. Honestly the team thinks it’s strange that we _don’t_ share a room already.” 

You twist your upper body around and raise your eyebrows in concern. “Do they really?” You try to keep your expression neutral but he can see right through it.

Crossing the distance, Steve leans against your vanity. “I think Tony has made a joke at least a dozen times.” He crosses his arms and smiles. “But if it bothers you, their opinion on the subject doesn’t matter. You’re the only woman I ever want to be with, whether or not we share a room.”

You stare at him for a moment before answering. Steve is the only man you want to be with. You’ve always known that. After what just happened, you don’t want to waste another second without him by your side.

“Let’s do it.” You say, resting your hand on his leg. “Let’s move in together.” He raises an eyebrow, making you giggle. “Well, move _our things_ in together.”

“Your suite or mine?” Steve laughs, pulling you to your feet.

You tap your finger against your chin. “Yours _is_ closer to the training room, but mine has the bigger closet _and_ the oversized clawfoot tub.”

Steve pretends to consider his choices. “No traffic to the training room or an oversized clawfoot tub?” He throws his hands up in mock surrender. “There’s no contest. I’ll make the arrangements to have my things moved in here.” 

You stand on your toes and kiss him gently. “Sounds good to me.” Steve releases you and you walk over to your closet to pick up a pair of oxford heels. “If Tony doesn’t burn the place down, we may have to ask him to expand this closet.”

You chuckle as you check your reflection in the mirror. “Nat has given me an obsession with shoes and I know you have _a lot_ of uniforms.”

“I’m sure we can make that happen.” Steve says with a smile. He holds out his hand to you as you both head for the doorway. “For the record,” He whispers, leaning down to your ear. “You look as gorgeous now, as you did standing in front of that Monet. I really am the luckiest guy in the world.” 

Your cheeks flush for the third time today but you don’t mind it. Resting your head against his shoulder, you feel like you’re the lucky one. 

***

The commotion in the kitchen grows as you near your destination. You can hear Bucky and Tony shouting at each other and you stifle a laugh when Bucky shouts something about ‘not needing a PHD to make toast’.

You can’t make out Tony’s reply but from the outraged screech you hear, he’s clearly not pleased by Bucky trying to intervene.

As Steve pushes open the doors, both men immediately stop. You raise your eyebrow when Tony huffs toward you. “I was trying to be helpful Ace, make breakfast so you didn’t have to.” He angrily points to Bucky. “But Robo-cop over here has an issue with the way I make toast.”

“No,” Bucky responds, pointing in your direction. “I have an issue with you burning down _her_ kitchen!”

Steve chuckles and leans against the table as you cross your arms. “Tony,” You say, making a serious face. “I appreciate you for wanting to take care of the cooking. It’s very sweet, but I honestly don’t mind. You know I find the motions of it all very relaxing.” 

Bucky looks smug before you turn your attention on him. “Now James, I don’t think that Tony _wants_ to burn down any room in the compound. And I’m assuming you didn’t volunteer to cook. So, let’s just call it a truce and stop harassing each other.” 

Bucky rolls his eyes as you walk into the kitchen. You know he thinks you didn’t see him. “Your new hand looks _amazing_ James.” You tie your apron with a smirk. He stares at you open mouthed as you pull bacon out of the oven.

It’s surprisingly not burnt, despite Bucky’s apparent concern that it would be. “Tony, did you get any sleep at all last night or did you stay up until you finished it?”

“ _Someone_ is sassy today.” Tony laughs as he grabs the French press from the counter. He offers you a cup and you take it gratefully.

Steve pushes himself from the table and walks over to you both. “We did a lot of talking last night.” He explains with a small smile. “And we finally decided to move our things in together.” He threads his fingers into yours and you glance up at Bucky and Tony.

They both seem to forget their earlier argument as they congratulate you with genuine excitement. “It’s about time!” Bucky says with a chuckle. “You know, feel free to express your gratitude at any time.”

“Don’t push your luck, James.” You laugh, putting down your coffee cup. “I seem to recall you spending most of that ice skating trip, falling down. Stevie and I, eventually, did just fine on our own.”

“The Cleavers are finally pushing the beds together?” Tony asks with a smirk.

Before you can respond, Sam’s voice comes booming from the doorway. “Tell me someone took pity on the wounded and saved me _all_ the bacon!” 

You roll your eyes and head back into the kitchen to whip up eggs and toast. By the time you come back out, everyone is seated and talking softly amongst themselves. You place a platter of bacon on the table and Steve stands to help you bring out the rest. 

You know you need to bring up the mission, you want to get it out in the open. After everyone has finished eating, you softly clear your throat. Steve squeezes your hand reassuringly. Sam, Tony and Bucky look up and stare at you expectantly.

“I uh… I wanted to talk about what happened. On the mission.” You tell them. Your voice is soft but sure. “I wanted to -”

“Ace,” Tony interrupts, looking between Bucky and Sam. “You don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to. Trust me, we all understand. What you went through...” He shakes his head. 

“He’s right.” Sam agrees, crossing his arms. “We had no idea exactly what the son of a bitch did to you. Hearing it all? I wouldn’t have been able to be in the same room as him if it were me. You are a helluva lot stronger than I could’ve imagined.”

Bucky nods emphatically. “I know you were worried that we were upset with you.” Your eyes widen and he quickly continues. “Stevie and I talked when you were asleep. On the quinjet.”

You turn and stare in disbelief at Steve. “How did you -”

“I could see it on your face." He says simply, squeezing your hand again. “And I know you better than I know myself.”

Bucky nods and continues speaking. “Harvard, you gotta understand. Those Hydra agents outnumbered us twelve to one. We weren’t walking away from that fight. Not in one piece anyway.”

He lifts his metal arm and waves the fingers. “Wilson’s suit was busted to Hell. Tony was knocked out and Steve? We couldn’t even -”

Tony gently cuts him off. “What he’s trying to say is that we were losing. You came in and took out over half the remaining agents in a matter of seconds. We’re so damn grateful that you didn’t stay on that plane. _You saved us_ , Ace. You have no idea how sorry we are that we weren’t able to stop him before he started in on you. ”

You reach for a napkin when you feel your eyes start to water. You should have known that they would understand. You open your mouth and Tony holds up a hand to silence you.

“We can’t imagine how awful it was to have to relive what Schmidt did to you, especially in front of the Captain. And I’m sure you never intended to tell _us_ every gruesome detail, it was none of our business. But Ace, we all love you. You’re a part of this family. Please don’t ever feel like you aren’t able to talk to us.”

“Any of us.” Sam says, smiling at you. “We are in this together. We’re gonna hunt this bastard down and end him.”

“Thank you, I love you all too.” You tell them with a smile. “But _I’m_ going to be the one who ends him. That monster has hurt us for the last time.”


	54. Chapter Fifty-Four

The weeks following the mission were more routine than you expected they would be. Every time Steve or Tony had a meeting with Director Fury, you all assumed it would be in regards to Schmidt’s whereabouts. Each time, they would return with a shake of their head and an unrelated mission or assignment. 

The sense of unease you felt after the last confrontation with Schmidt had found an unwilling but permanent place in your heart. You did everything you could to push it down and put up a front of normalcy for Steve. 

At least, that’s what you tell yourself. You don't want to admit how much that mission still affects you. Having Steve constantly nearby has helped keep your anxiety from skyrocketing and with the two of you sharing a room, you can finally sleep through the night. 

But when your thoughts drift, and they do often, you find yourself back in that massive chamber; watching Steve stare down the barrel of Schmidt’s pistol. Or watching Tony drop to the floor in an unconscious heap. It normally takes every ounce of your concentration to bring yourself back to the present and not get too wrapped up in the memory.

At the moment, you’re more than comfortable leaning against Steve as he sketches the two of you. You’re able to fully concentrate on his pencil scratching away as he sketches out the planes of your face on the page. His rhythmic drawing is mesmerizing. It’s always amazed you, his ability to create something so alive and vibrant on the pages of a sketchbook. 

You remember him telling you once that he had been in art school when war first broke out. He wanted so badly to do his part, that he abandoned his dreams of becoming an illustrator in favor of trying to join the Army. 

“I’m glad you never stopped drawing, Stevie.” You tell him softly as he stares down at you and scrunches his nose in concentration. “You always did have quite the talent for it.”

“It’s just a hobby now,” he answers with a smile. “But I can't pass up the chance to draw a beautiful dame when she’s sitting right next to me.” He leans over and kisses the top of your head as you nestle in closer to him. He resumes his work and you continue watching him.

After about an hour, you know you want to get up and start dinner. You’ve never been more grateful for the routine of the day to day as you are now. As you push yourself up from your comfortable spot next to Steve, you can hear Peter and Thor bantering back and forth as they enter the common room and head straight for the kitchen. Thor laughs loudly as Peter tries to explain the difference between Midgardian and Asgardian education. 

“Okay _but,_ ” Peter huffs as he walks out, soda in hand. “I can’t get into MIT if I only focus on battle strategy. I need to focus on biochemistry and physics. Didn't they teach you anything like that?”

“Of course not!” Thor exclaims, settling himself into the armchair across from you. “As the heir to the Asgardian throne, I was taught a great many things. How to understand the languages of the nine realms, how to rule a kingdom, how to ride your steed valiantly into battle!” You raise your eyebrow as he crosses his ankles on the coffee table.

“But not manners I see.” You say as you stand. “Get those boots off the table.” You slap at his feet and he quickly moves them.

“You have my apologies, dear lady.” Thor says, sitting up straight. “I meant not to offend you.” 

Steve glances up from his book and smiles at you. You know exactly what he’ll say, _Only you, sweetheart, would scold a God for poor manners._

Tony waves as he walks into the room and sits himself down at the table for just a moment. He’s listening intently to whoever is on the other end of the earpiece. He starts jotting notes on his Starkpad before saying his goodbyes. “Nothing new on the Schmidt front.” He says, annoyance in his voice. “Fury thinks he may be deep in hiding. Possibly even dead.”

“He’s not dead.” Steve sets down his pencil. “Schmidt’s not going down without a fight.”

“I agree with Steve.” You nod as you head into the kitchen. “We’re not that lucky.” Without waiting for Tony’s reply, you tie an apron around your waist and open the doors to the refrigerator. You can hear the four of them discussing strategy as you pull chicken and fresh pasta from the drawers.

Ingredients in hand, you whirl around to place them on the counter and come face to face with Thor’s hammer in the middle of the island. Right where you need to be. _He has to stop leaving this thing everywhere_ , you think as you roll your eyes.

You very much enjoy Thor’s company, in fact, you wish he was able to join the team on missions more often than he is. But, you’ve had to move this damn hammer at least five times in the last two months. Frankly, it’s irresponsible to leave one’s tools lying around the house.

With a heavy sigh, you lift the hammer from its spot on the island and carry it out into the living room. “Thor,” you call out as you round the corner. You wave the hammer with a flick of your wrist and four sets of wide eyes turn to you in astonishment. “If you insist on leaving this wherever you please, I will throw it in the trash.” 

Everyone in the room stands as Thor jumps from his seat and quickly reaches you. You don’t understand the fuss, it’s just a hammer. Wordlessly, Thor holds his hand out and you feel prompted to apologize as you hand it over. “I wouldn't actually throw it away, you’ve just got to take better care of your things and not leave them everywhere.” 

“It’s not that.” Thor smiles widely. “I must… I must get my brother! Friends!” He turns to look at Steve, Tony and Peter. “I shall return in but a second!”

Before you react, Thor is gone and back again. This time, accompanied by a thinner, younger man you’ve never seen before. From the sour expression on his face, you can instantly tell he does _not_ want to be here. His blue eyes are sharp and narrowed, as he angrily stares at Thor. 

He could be handsome, you think, if he washed his hair and stopped looking around the room like he stepped in something foul. You notice Steve move closer to you as he recognizes the newcomer. Tony does the same, pulling back his sleeve to reveal his repulsor watch. You raise an eyebrow in confusion. 

“Brother,” Thor excitedly slaps the man’s arm. “Watch this.” He places the hammer on the table and gestures to you. “Good lady, if you would be so kind as to wield mjölnir for us?” 

You cross the distance to the table and casually lift the hammer into the air. Thor grins again as Tony’s jaw drops and Peter pulls out his phone. Steve smiles at you and crosses his arms proudly. Thor opens his mouth to speak as Bucky’s voice startles everyone in the room. 

“What the fuck?” Bewildered, you turn and almost drop mjölnir as Bucky rushes into the room. “How is this possible? Thor, you brought a dummy hammer right?”

“Obviously it’s not a fake you simpleton.” The dark haired man sneers. “I have seen this woman lift mjölnir many times in the past few months.” He crosses his arms with a chuckle. “Honestly, how have none of you noticed? _You live here_. You have something watching every room, do you not?”

Tony’s eyebrows fly up as he presses the button on his watch. “You’ve been here multiple times? You shouldn’t be able to get in here without us knowing, without _me_ knowing!” He raises the gauntlet in the other man’s direction.

“Come now Stark,” The younger man raises an eyebrow, condescension clear on his face. “If _you_ created the security system, it’s no wonder I’ve been able to slip in and out for so long without detection.”

Narrowing his eyes, Tony steps forward as warm light grows from the gauntlet on his hand. The younger man shifts his weight to his back leg and holds out a palm. Thor holds an arm out to stop his brother. “Loki,” he says calmly. “Take care how you speak. I brought you here to bear witness, not spar with my friends. Do you wish to return to the dungeon then?”

Loki glares at his brother, but immediately backs down with a small shake of his head. Steve walks to you and gently touches your arm. “Sweetheart,” he asks, meeting your eyes. “Do you know what you’re holding? What it means that you can lift it?”

You shake your head as Tony turns to Thor and asks how any of this is possible. Thor shrugs, “I can assure you that it is my hammer.” He turns to you and smiles. “It means, my dear, that you are worthy.”

You can’t help the giggle that escapes you as you set the hammer back down. “I’m sorry?”

Loki lets out an annoyed sigh and points to the side of mjölnir. “ _Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor_.” 

“Can none of you hold it?” You ask, glancing around the room. Tony shakes his head and Steve just stares at you with a small smile. 

“I never tried!” Peter tosses his phone onto the couch. “Can I, Mr. Thor?”

Thor nods as Peter makes his way to the table. He slides his hand through the strap and pulls up. The hammer doesn’t budge. Your eyebrows fly up in surprise. _What?!_ He makes two more attempts before admitting defeat. “I don’t know what you did to that thing.” Peter says, wiping sweat from his brow. “But it’s not moving. Mr. Barnes, you just got a new metal arm. You try!”

Bucky glances at Thor for permission before attempting to lift mjölnir and failing multiple times. Thor laughs and easily lifts the hammer from the table. “I’m sorry, good friends. It would seem that only myself and this lovely young woman are worthy.”

“Dear brother, _worthy_ is a broad term for you. Don’t you think?” Loki laughs. “I’d say you're adequate at best.”

You raise your brow and turn your attention to Loki. You tell him your name with a smile and hold out your hand. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.” 

Thor clears his throat and Loki gingerly shakes your hand. “I am Loki, _brother of Thor_.”

“Pleased to meet you Loki. Now, excitement aside, I need to get dinner started.” You glance between Loki and Thor. “Will you both be joining us?”

“ _Both of us_?” The startled look on Loki’s face surprises you. 

“Do you not want to stay?”

Thor claps your shoulder. “Of course we do! It’s most kind of you to invite us.”

You nod and head back into the kitchen, Steve and Tony at your heels. You barely make it through the doorway before Tony is hissing in your direction. “Reindeer games is _not_ staying for dinner.” He crosses his arms angrily. “You have no idea the shit he's done!”

“ _Anthony_.” You scold. “Watch your tone. Loki is a guest in this house. Aside from his attitude, I see no issue with him.”

“Barnes gets away with dropping an F-bomb but you yell at me? And Loki may not be doing anything wrong _right now,_ but the guy’s a menace.” Tony points out, turning to Steve. “You wanna back me up here?”

“Tony’s right, darling.” Steve agrees calmly. “Loki killed eighty people in two days. He caused panic on a global scale and brought an alien race here to attack New York.”

His words make you pause. “The battle of New York was years ago. I think he’s had to pay for what he did. Didn’t you hear Thor? He threatened to put Loki back in the dungeon.” You lean over and grab a pan from the island and stare down both men. “Your past does not define you, I think everyone deserves a second chance. Of all people, you two should agree with me.”

Tony throws his hands up in surrender. “Ace, you’re lucky I trust you.” He heads out of the kitchen with a heavy sigh. “Kid?” He calls out, “you stay next to me all night, got it?”

Steve leans against the counter and raises an eyebrow. “I don’t like this.”

“Loki has done terrible things and I’m not defending that but, he’s lived his whole life in Thor’s shadow.” You turn and open the cabinet. “Thor is a lot of personality. If that had been you, your whole existence measured by who you’re _not,_ what would you have done?”

“I certainly wouldn’t have tried to take over the world.”

You turn and lean against the counter. “James has -”

“Nope.” Steve cuts you off with a shake of his head. “Not using that one.”

“Fine. But I need you to trust me on this.” You tell him. “I see something in Loki. I don’t think he’s evil. I just think no one has cared enough about him to see him as anything other than Thor’s imperfect shadow.”

“I do trust you.” Steve assures you, looking over his shoulder. “It’s _him_ I don’t trust.”

“It’ll be fine, sweetheart,” you reassure him. “Now please go mediate between Peter and Thor while I finish dinner. I have a feeling, if they get going again, it could be hazardous to the furniture.”

***

“My God, that was good.” Tony tosses his napkin onto the plate with a flourish. “You outdid yourself, Ace.” Murmurs of agreement ripple across the table and you flush at the compliments. Peter volunteers to help gather the plates and with a nod, you both rise and begin collecting. 

“Sweetheart,” Steve asks with a smile as you walk back out of the kitchen. “Did I see pie in the oven earlier?”

“Mmhmm, apple pie.” You nod and glance around the table. “I made it this morning. Should be finished warming in a few minutes. I hope that’s alright with everyone?”

The air ripples beside you and when you turn, you’re staring at a double of Steve where Loki had been moments before. “There’s nothing more American than apple pie!” He says, mocking Steve’s voice perfectly. “God bless America!”

Everyone freezes, unsure of what they’re seeing. You walk over to the chair Loki’s sitting in and stand beside it. “Change back,” you demand calmly. “I’d much rather speak to you, Loki, when you’re not wearing Steve’s face.”

He grins and the gesture looks almost inappropriate. “Come now pet,” Loki says, his voice still a perfect reflection of Steve’s. “Does my taking the form of your _precious Captain_ not please you?”

His words hit you like ice water. When your hand lashes out to slap him, you don’t realize at first what you’ve done. Loki immediately shimmers back into his own form and slowly rises to his feet. As he stands, so does Steve, Tony and Thor. Your hand covers your mouth in horror as you quickly take a step back. 

“Loki,” you whisper. “I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t mean to. It was a reflex.” He narrows his eyes but doesn’t move. “Please, let me explain?” You gesture toward the kitchen.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Steve says, moving closer to you.

“Calm yourself, Captain,” Loki snaps as he follows you out of the room. “Only one of us has resorted to violence this evening and for once, it was not I. It would seem I have more to fear from her, than she from me.”

Once inside the kitchen, you shut off the oven and pull the pie from it. As it begins to cool on the rack, you whirl around and immediately apologize again.

“Girl, there are not many who would dare to strike a God.” Loki marvels, elegantly crossing his arms. “I expect an explanation.” 

“I didn’t mean to slap you.” You tell him, carefully watching his face. “You called him my ‘precious Captain’. I know you don't know what that means but it took me by surprise and I… I just reacted.”

“It is just a turn of phrase, my dear.”

You lean against the counter and let out a deep breath. “It may be to you, but to me…” Loki’s face softens when he realizes your eyes are beginning to water. “I’m sorry, I just need a second.” He waves his hand, creating a handkerchief and wordlessly hands it to you.

You give yourself a moment and Loki patiently waits for you to collect yourself. “There was a mission, about six months ago. Something went wrong and I was… held by this madman, intent on destroying us. For over a week he tortured me. When he’d refer to Steve -”

“He would call him your precious Captain.” You nod silently. “I understand love, you do not need to further explain.” He tilts his head to the side and smiles kindly. “You have my respect for enduring what you did. I was present for various moments during your recovery. I had wondered what put you in that cast over the winter holiday. It would seem I have my answer.”

At the confusion on your face, Loki explains. “My brother likes to give me leave from my prison cell. I would not be well received if I chose to wander Asgard.” He shrugs. “So I come here, to Midgard. I find this compound fascinating. How such a varied group manages to not throttle each other is truly a feat.”

You stifle a small laugh. “We’re family,” You reason with a smile. “We love each other.”

“Family means something vastly different where I am from.” Loki confesses, casting his eyes to the ground. He takes a deep breath and moves a step closer to you. “Speaking of, I would like to extend my gratitude to you, my dear. I heard the argument between you and the Captain. I have not had someone speak of second chances of my behalf in quite some time.”

“I firmly believe in them,” you tell him softly. “But I also believe you have to trust that they want a second chance.” Loki furrows his brow as you continue. “I have a feeling that you’re not used to having someone care about you.” You take his silence as confirmation. “Would you like to stay with us?”

You watch Loki’s eyes light up and then immediately darken in suspicion. “I am not someone to be pitied. If that is what you’re trying to do. I am a God -”

“I’m more than aware of _what_ you are Loki,” You tell him, crossing your arms. “What I don’t know is _who_ you are. Now you are more than welcome to return to Asgard with Thor. But I have a feeling that you aren’t happy in that cell, with only your thoughts to keep you company.” 

“You may be able to convince my idiot of a brother, but you’ll never convince the tinman or the Captain.”

You raise your brow. “Loki, I won’t tolerate that kind of disrespect in this house.” Your tone surprises him, causing him to take a small step backward. “You will speak courteously and with respect. If that’s not something you can handle, you _will_ return to the dungeon with Thor and I’ll see to it that you don’t get leave from your cell for quite some time.”

“You’re quite serious, aren’t you?” 

You turn and grab a stack of plates from the shelf. “You’ve popped in and out of here for months, yes?” 

“Yes.”

“Then you know that I am, in fact, quite serious.” You grab a knife from the block and wrap it in a kitchen towel. “Now you take a minute to consider my offer. I’m going to speak with Steve. Should you decide you’re able to abide by my rules, then please bring the pie out so we can all enjoy dessert.”

***

“ _Absolutely not_.” Steve uncrosses his arms as he pushes himself off the wall. He shakes his head and glances over at Thor. “You can’t think this is a good idea. Your brother is dangerous and quite frankly, unstable.”

“Loki can be a handful yes,” Thor agrees, looking at you. “But you said that he had agreed to your terms?”

“He did.” You say, leaning back against the wall. “I think he just wants a second chance. And where better than this compound? No place is safer, or more secure.”

Steve narrows his eyes. “I’m not concerned about _his_ safety.” He turns to Thor, raising his hands in apology. “No offense. But none of us have magical abilities. Loki does.”

You hadn’t thought of that. 

Thor smiles at Steve. “Captain, if that is your fear, let me assuage you. Magic is a part of Loki’s very being. I cannot remove it, but I can lessen it. I shall return in a moment.” Before either of you can protest, Thor is gone.

Steve raises an eyebrow at you. “This is a bad idea darling.” You sigh and turn to face him. “The team won’t be comfortable with him here. I told you, I don’t trust him. And with Schmidt still at large, I feel like we don’t need any distractions.”

“Sweetheart,” you reason, attempting to make him see your side of this. “All the more reason to have a magical ally at the compound. Loki seems to be a logical man, at least he did when he spoke with me. He doesn’t have to live here forever. But I think it would be a nice change of pace for him and if Schmidt makes a move, we have Loki here to help.”

Steve sighs and leans forward, gently kissing your head. “I really can’t say no to you.”

As you smile, Thor pops back in with a metal bracelet in hand. “Friends, this bracelet will dampen Loki’s abilities. He can still perform everyday magic but can do no true harm.” He gestures toward the common room. “The one who locks the bracelet is the only one who can remove it.” He hands it to Steve. “Shall I retrieve my brother?”

“I will.” You offer. “This was my idea.” You push through the door and look for Loki. 

When you don’t see him, Tony looks up from the apple pie and sighs. “I think he’s hiding in the kitchen. He dropped this off and scurried back in there.” He chuckles. “What’d you say to him, Ace?”

You roll your eyes and call out for Loki. He pokes his head out of the kitchen and makes his way toward you. When he’s within earshot, you hold out your hand. “I have a proposition for you.” You tell him. “And if you agree, Steve and Thor are on board with you staying here for a while.”

Loki nods, and you stop just before the doorway. “There was concern over your magical abilities.” He raises an eyebrow. “Rather, concern over just how powerful you are. Thor offered a solution that I believe will work for everyone.”

“I cannot live my life in those damned handcuffs.” For a moment he looks truly afraid. “They completely block my magic, leaving me weak and exposed.”

“Loki, I would never do that to you.” You promise him. “Please just listen. Thor brought us a bracelet. It keeps you from performing strong enough magic to harm.” You touch his arm gently. ”You’ll still have your magic and be able to use it. You have my word. I would never allow anyone, Steve or your brother included, to leave you feeling helpless.”

Loki takes a deep breath and is silent for a moment. When he finally answers, his voice is soft and unsure. “I’m trusting you, pet. I don’t give that easily.”

“Then I will do everything in my power to not break that.” You smile at him and watch a small grin form on his face. “Let’s get that taken care of and I’ll show you to the guest room.” 

As you both walk through the door, you’re pleased to find that his smile hasn’t left his face.

***

Later that night as you climb into bed, Steve gives you a sly grin. “You can’t tell anyone, but you and I are the only two who can lift that thing.”

You tilt your head in confusion. “Lift what thing?” 

Steve laughs and sits up in the bed. “The hammer, mjölnir. I didn’t want to say anything in front of the group.” He raises an eyebrow, “I get interesting looks from them as it is when I need to use my photographic memory.”

You climb into the bed and regard him with intense interest. “When did you know? How did you -”

He holds up a hand and smiles at you. “A few years back, we had a small gathering to celebrate the end of a mission. Thor let us all try.” Steve rolls his eyes and shrugs. “Tony, of course, was very dramatic about trying to lift it.”

You roll your eyes back at him with a smile. “ _Of course he was._ ” 

Steve shakes his head and continues. “When it was my turn, I barely touched it and I _knew_. I knew I’d be able to lift it.” Your eyes widen in surprise. “I tried not to, but I wiggled it and when I saw Thor’s face, I knew it would hurt his pride if I picked it up in front of everyone.” 

He grins at you. “So I pretended I couldn't.” He gestures for you to snuggle up to him. “A while later, when Thor left it on the table unattended, I called mjölnir to me. Like I had seen him do countless times in battle. It flew off the table and into my hand.” 

You scoot closer and nestle yourself under his outstretched arm. “You should tell him, Stevie. He was very excited that I could lift it. I’m sure he would be just as happy to know that both of us could.”

“Maybe.” He muses, kissing the top of your head. “But honestly my love, I don’t care if the team ever knows about me. I just didn’t want to hide it from you.” You settle yourself against him, feeling his chest rumble as he speaks. “But I’m telling _everyone_ that you can lift it. It’s no surprise the hammer chose you too, you’ve _always_ been worthy.” 

You look up at him and smile. “So have you.”


	55. Chapter Fifty-Five

You find that you enjoy having Loki around the compound more than you thought you would. In the three weeks that he’s been here, you’ve learned an impressive amount of knowledge in regards to Asgardian culture and way of life. 

Loki continues to surprise you every day. You know that Steve and Tony have their concerns, but he’s never given you reason to believe he’s anything but a gentleman. 

Having just left a wonderful lunch Loki swears he _didn’t_ use magic to cook, you both make your way outside for a walk around the compound. From the end of the hall, you can hear shouting.

Resting his hand on your arm, Loki signals you to stop and let him investigate. He stalks down the hall and you creep behind him trying to make out the yelling.

“It can’t be _this_ hard Tony!” Bucky shouts from the training room. “Come on! Spin me around, switch hands and dip. Haven’t you ever needed to dance at some Stark Industries Event?”

“Not like this!” Tony shouts indignantly. “This is significantly more difficult than a waltz!”

“A Lindy Hop is _not_ that difficult. Let’s go again.”

“Barnes, I swear to God.”

“ _Again._ ” 

You hear Glenn Miller’s In the Mood start to play and Loki turns back to you with a Cheshire-like grin. “You _have_ to see this, pet.” He leans back around the door to watch whatever he finds so amusing in the training room. You hurry over to him and stand in the doorway, eyebrows raised in amusement. 

Bucky is leading Tony around - _no that’s not quite right,_ you think with a smile. You take a good look at what you’re seeing. Tony is leading Bucky around the room in a haphazard swing dance.

You giggle at the absurdity of the two of them and when Tony sees you, mid dip, he unceremoniously drops Bucky to the ground.

Backing away, Tony raises his hands in surrender, as Bucky grumbles in annoyance. “Really Stark? What’s wrong with you?”

“Hey Ace!” Tony yelps, eyes darting between Bucky and you. “Wha… what are you doing here?”

“We were going for a walk outside and heard you and James shouting.” You walk into the room and press the control panel on the wall to pause the music.

Bucky pushes himself up on his elbows. “ _We?”_ He asks, glancing out the door. “Is Stevie with you?”

Loki glides into the room right after you. “Not the Captain, Sergeant Barnes. Me.”

Tony extends a hand to help Bucky stand and he takes it, moving fluidly to his feet. As Bucky walks over to grab a towel, Tony scowls in Loki’s direction. “Listen Reindeer Games, I don’t want a word of this getting out. I _can_ dance.”

Loki crosses his arms with a smirk. “Wouldn’t dream of it Stark.” 

“Tony, James what are you doing?” You can’t help the curiosity. The Lindy Hop is a specific type of dance, something you’re surprised to hear Tony talking about. It’s a few decades past it’s popularity.

“Uh…” Tony shifts his weight and glances at Bucky. “I’m planning something for Pep. She’s always wanted to learn to swing dance so I want to surprise her. Obviously I can dance but not like this. I was uh, researching and Barnes offered to teach me -”

You chuckle softly. “Why on Earth didn’t you ask me? Or Steve for that matter?” You raise your eyebrow and stare at them both. “James is a very good dancer but a bit advanced for you, I think.”

Bucky smirks for a second, then seems to remember something important. “I offered Harvard. I think he’d rather embarrass himself with me than with you or Stevie. He knows I won’t say anything. Right, Tony?”

Tony’s face twists in annoyance but simply smiles in your direction. “Yep.”

You roll your eyes and hold out your hand to him. “Don’t be silly, Anthony. I would never judge you for trying to learn something. Especially a dance that even Howard wasn’t good at.”

You knew you’d make him smile at that and he walks toward you. “Let me teach you. I don’t mind at all.” You turn back to Loki, “You don’t mind the slight detour do you?”

“Not at all, love.” Loki grins and settles himself on a rolled up mat next to Bucky. “This is proving to be far more entertaining than simply walking the grounds.”

You smile and ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to start the song over. “Follow my lead,” you tell Tony as you start to move to the music. “Mirror my movements and you’ll have it down in no time at all.”

He takes your hand as you explain to him the basics. “The dance itself consists of both 8 and 6 count steps and it includes footwork borrowed from the Charleston and Tap. I know you’ve seen tap dancing at least.”

You both begin moving as Tony calls over your shoulder. “Barnes, I’ve already learned more from Ace than I did with you. Who would’ve thought.”

“Yeah,” Bucky drawls, looking up from his phone. “But you accepted _my_ offer _._ Didn’t you?”

You raise an eyebrow but say nothing when Tony’s cheeks turn pink.

Tony is a decent dancer and after a few tries, you feel like you’ve gotten him to have a solid understanding of the first couple of steps. “We should try the next few steps tomorrow.” You suggest, as the song ends another time. “I’ll have you Lindy Hopping in no time.”

“As entertaining as that would be,” Steve muses from the doorway. “Buck volunteered and we know how great a dancer he is.”

You raise an eyebrow, “Are you saying I’m not a good dancer?”

“Of course not, my love,” Steve’s smile falters. “You taught me how to dance after all. But, didn’t you… um..” He tilts his head and stares in Tony’s direction. “You’re going to be busy because -”

“Because,” Loki interrupts, locking eyes with Steve for a moment. “You promised the boy that you would assist him with his schooling assignment. He is coming to the compound tomorrow, I believe.”

Loki’s right, you did promise Peter and you don’t want to let him down. If you’re honest, you’re excited to be able to share your knowledge of the Secret Communications System. It’s not exactly something that comes up in everyday conversation anymore. You give Tony a look of apology. “He’s correct. I did promise Peter, but if -”

“Don’t worry about it, Harvard.” Bucky jumps in smoothly. “I don’t mind. If I can’t get Tony on my level, it simply can’t be done.” He grins and gestures to Steve. 

You turn your head to stare at Steve and find his face is deceptively calm. 

_What is going on?_

Loki clears his throat. “Captain, would you be so kind as to accompany your beloved and myself as we tour the grounds?”

Steve smiles, “I would love nothing more.” He responds, quickly walking over to Tony and hands him a small piece of paper. Tony unfolds it and meets Steve’s eyes with a smile. They nod in unison and Steve heads back over to you. “Shall we?” 

_Something is happening and I_ will _figure it out._

Steve and Loki walk a few steps ahead as you say goodbye to Tony and Bucky. “I covered for you, Captain.” Loki hisses, just within earshot. “You will tell me what’s going on.”

Steve shifts his gaze at you and once he’s certain you aren’t looking, you hear his soft reply. “Fine, but not here.” He calls out to you from over his shoulder. “Darling?”

“I’ll be right along,” You tell him with a smile. _Peter_ must _know something. That boy cannot keep a secret. I’ll just ask him tomorrow._

***

“The Captain is _incredibly_ protective of you, pet.” Loki raises an eyebrow at you as he walks into the kitchen. “More so than I would have expected.”

“What do you mean?” You ask him, reaching into the cabinet. Box of crackers in hand, you turn around and watch as he settles himself on a stool next to the island.

“We were discussing a few things last evening.” Loki admits, reaching into the box. “The Captain brought up the fact that he was trusting me to keep you safe. Especially while you’re with me on the grounds.”

He gives you the ghost of a smile. “I do not know if you are aware of this, pet. But he will stop at nothing to keep you safe. You are truly the love of his life.”

Loki’s words bring a smile to your lips. “You know a little about what’s been happening here.” You begin softly, settling yourself onto the stool next to him.

“I’ve told you what a monster Schmidt is. That vile man is still out there and who knows what he’s truly capable of. Steve’s worried, honestly we both are.”

“He asked me if I would be willing to protect you if it came to that. To use my magic against those who meant you harm.” He smiles. “Of course I would, you know that. But I was surprised that he would ask that of _me_.”

“Steve wouldn’t just come out and ask anyone to lay their life on the line like that.” You point out kindly. “So he must trust you.” 

“I suspect it’s because _you_ trust me.”

“Most likely. But Loki, it’s well earned trust. You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.” He grins at you as he pops a cracker into his mouth. “I hope Steve wasn’t rude when he asked?”

“He wasn’t necessarily rude, but I feel like I must tell you that the previous time I met your Captain, he and I did not see eye to eye. He has many reasons to dislike me.”

You shake your head. “Loki, I know all of that already. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“And you still choose to talk to me?” He glances up at you and you see disbelief and happiness fighting for control in his eyes. “To trust me?”

“Yes.” You reach out your hand for his. “Because I don’t believe you should continue to be punished or judged for what you’ve done in the past. You’ve been nothing but kind and respectful since the night you arrived.”

“You have no idea what it means to me that you’ve said that, love.” He smiles softly. “Thor casts a mighty shadow, one that I’ve never seemed to measure up to.”

“It’s good that I don’t look at things the way the Allfather does then.” 

“You are quite a surprising woman,” he muses. “The more time I spend with you, the more I understand why Stark and the Captain care for you the way they do. If it were within the realm of my abilities, I would hunt that monster down myself. If only to grant you the happiness you and the Captain deserve.” 

“Thank you Loki, but I would never ask that of you. I don’t want to put anyone else in Schmidt’s path.”

“You don’t have to ask.” He smiles and pops another cracker into his mouth. “Justifiable homicide, pet.”

Before you can argue, you hear the telltale sound of Peter’s sneakers on the floor in the common room and call out to him. “Peter? Would you like something to eat before we get going?”

“Yes please! Whatever you feel like making is -” He turns the corner into the kitchen and stops when he sees Loki sitting next to you. “Fine.”

Loki nods in greeting and turns his head to you. “I’ll leave you both to it.” 

Peter nods back and smiles at you. “Thanks for helping me with this project Mrs. R.” He hops onto the stool near yours. “Mr. Stark told me you actually helped invent the Secret Communications System. Was he telling the truth?”

You nod. “He was. I think I shocked him when I first told him too.” As you tell him all about it, Peter hangs on your every word. He appropriately takes notes and asks questions when he needs clarification. 

“Mr. Stark wasn’t kidding. You’re like the smartest lady I’ve ever met!”

“Speaking of Mr. Stark,” You lean over and look him in the eye. “What has he told you about the event he and Captain Rogers are planning?”

Peter’s expression goes blank. “What? Mrs. R, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Are you certain?” You ask, pointing your pen at him. “Surely someone has said something. Everyone is sneaking around and I want to know why.”

He squeaks. “Honest. Mr. Stark hasn’t said anything to me.”

“Peter.”

“I swear, Mrs. R. I don’t know any -”

“ _Peter Benjamin Parker._ ”

You watch him shrink in his chair and look down at his homework. _Now I’ve got him._ “Oooh!” He looks anywhere but at you. “The award ceremonial banquet for the uh… Stark Internship. Yeah, that’s it.” 

You cross your arms. “Peter, are you lying to me?”

He furiously shakes his head and begins to quickly grab his things. “No! I mean… why would I…” He hops off the stool in a rush. “I gotta go! I think I hear Aunt May.”

Without waiting for your reply, Peter bolts from the room. As you shake your head, you hear Bucky shout as he enters the kitchen. “Where’s the fire kid?” He smiles when he sees you. “What did you do to him?”

“James, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You answer as you stand and start to put away the snacks you had pulled down earlier. 

“ _Right_.” He raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Because him almost knocking me over while aggressively apologizing to me had _nothing_ to do with you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was helping him with a project.” 

“Alright Harvard.” He grins. “If you say so.”

***

After changing and getting yourself ready to go out, you figure you’ll wait for Steve in his office. You know he’s been in a meeting with Director Fury for most of the afternoon. Steve’s been authorizing scout missions of old Hydra bases and filling in the Director on what the agents find.

He’s taking you into the city for dinner. What began as a random surprise has become a weekly date night ritual and you love it. You feel secure in the compound but it’s great to get out and see New York, especially with Steve. It’s incredibly romantic being there with him again.

You sit yourself in his chair and glance around the office. Next to a photograph of you is a dossier folder with Schmidt’s name on the side. You smile at the picture and gingerly pick up the folder. Leaning back in the chair, you flip through the contents. 

Halfway through the official report on the H.I.V.E serum, you hear a buzz from the other side of the desk. You glance up and see Steve’s phone. You ignore it until the phone buzzes again. And again. 

You pick it up to silence it and stare at the incoming messages:

 **Bucky Barnes  
** _Guys, she’s getting close. We need to be more careful.  
_ **Tony Stark  
** _What do you mean?  
_ **Bucky Barnes  
** _I think she tried to get the kid to tell her._   
**Tony Stark  
** _Nah, we’re fine.  
_ **Tony Stark  
** _Even if she did, the kid knows nothing.  
_ **Bucky Barnes  
** _Still. One slip up and that whole night will be ruined.  
_ **Tony Stark  
** _Barnes you worry too much. She’s clueless.  
_ **Bucky Barnes  
** 🙄  
 **Tony Stark  
** _What’s your problem? We’ve thought of everything. It's weeks away, our asses are covered.  
_ **Bucky Barnes  
** _She’s smarter than you give her credit for. She knows something’s going on.  
_ **Bucky Barnes  
** _Especially after you dropped me.  
_ **Tony Stark  
** _I know damn well how smart she is.  
_ **Tony Stark  
** _Why do you think it takes three of us to plan this?  
_ **Tony Stark  
** _And I’ve already apologized for that._

 _What is happening?!_

The buzzing continues and it takes everything in you to not open the phone and read the rest. When you hear the footfalls of Steve’s boots coming down the hall, you shove his phone under a paper on his desk and quickly resume reading the file on your lap.

“Darling!” Steve exclaims when he sees you. “I am so sorry to keep you waiting. The meeting went longer than I wanted.”

You smile up at him. “Don’t worry about it.” You lift the folder and watch as he pulls his phone from under the sheet of paper. “I was just reading over Agent Sander’s report on the H.I.V.E serum. The remote teams are truly working wonders gathering intel.”

He scrolls through his phone quickly, and you know he’s not fully paying attention to you. “Mmhmm.” He murmurs, without looking up. “They’re pretty on top of it.”

“Stevie?” You ask, as innocently as you can. He glances up and stares at you. “Is everything alright?”

“Uh, yeah. Yes. Everything’s perfect.” He quickly types something and slides his phone into his back pocket. “Are you ready to go? I’ve been thinking about this all day.”

Standing, you drop the file onto his desk before walking over to him with a smile. “Me too.” You tell him as you thread your fingers into his.

 _I_ knew _something was happening. All I need is some time and I’ll figure it out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Any guesses as to what they're planning?


	56. Chapter Fifty-Six

Three more weeks go by and you’re no closer to figuring out what’s going on than you were the day you caught Tony and Bucky dancing. No one has let slip any details. In fact, everyone has become increasingly tight lipped when you walk into the room. It’s driving you crazy. 

When you roll over in bed on a Saturday morning, the only day you and Steve sleep in, and find his side of the bed empty, you’re confused. _Where on Earth has he gone?_ You push yourself up in the bed and grab your phone off the charging port next to you. You quickly send Steve a text and ask where he’s gotten to.

His response is immediate, telling you that he had a few errands to run and he’ll be back soon. ‘Check your vanity, I left you a surprise. Get yourself ready and I’ll pick you up at the suite for 1200h. I love you always.’

_Whatever is happening, must be today._

You smile and respond that you love him too. Untangling yourself from your blankets, you make your way to the vanity and stop. Sitting on your chair is a large yellow box, tied with a blue bow. Excitedly, you tear the bow and the wrapping off the box and gasp when you see it’s contents.

You lift the dress from the box and hug it to you. You turn and stand in front of the mirror. _How on Earth?_ The dress is an _exact_ replica of the one you wore on your second date with Steve. It was always his favorite. How he managed to find it again is beyond you. 

It’s navy blue satin with a fitted bodice and full skirt. The collar leading to the bust of the dress is ruched to accentuate your chest; striking but not too revealing. Three quarter length sleeves and a white belt finish the dress perfectly. Just like you remember.

You lay the dress on your bed and walk back to the box. Wrapped in tissue, you find a pair of pearl earrings and a small pearl clip for your hair. Underneath that, you find a pair of T-strap heels. Steve’s attention to detail is astounding. With a smile you head into the bathroom to start getting ready.

When you walk out of your bathroom close to two hours later, you're freshly showered with perfectly curled hair. You slide on stockings and attach your garters to the belt.

With ease, you twist up one side of your hair and reach for the pearl clip. You slide it into your hair above your ear and let the curls cascade over your shoulder. After attaching the earrings, you sit at the vanity and perfect your makeup. 

After a few swipes of blush and mascara, you choose a soft red lipstick to complete the look. Once you’re done, you stand and slip into the heels. You twirl yourself around in the mirror and smile. 

All you need now is a carnival and you would swear you fell back into 1943.

You grab a small bag from the closet and wonder if Steve is taking you into the city. You have no idea what to bring. You shrug and throw your phone along with a few vital things into the bag and click it closed. The clock on Steve’s side of the bed says 1155h. You have perfect timing.

At 1200h exactly, you hear a knock at your door. _Why doesn’t he just come in._ You chuckle and unlock your door. “Stevie, you don’t have to knock, just come -” You throw the door open and you find yourself speechless.

“Captain Rogers at your service Ma’am. I’m here to escort you to a celebration.” Steve smiles at you. “We’ve won the war, I believe you owe me a dance.” He bows and you can’t believe it. He’s wearing his dress uniform and he looks perfect. 

Even after all this time, the uniform is pressed and still fits him like a glove. The dark forest green material with brownish hues accent his eyes the way it did when you first saw him in it.

As your eyes trail up his body, they roam over his broad shoulders and you admire how every bit of him looks like the soldier you first fell in love with. 

You’re speechless as you stare at him. Softly, you reach out and touch his bare cheek. Steve grins sheepishly. “I know you loved the beard Ma’am, but it’s 1945. That kind of facial hair isn’t regulation. If Colonel Phillips saw me, I’d have to surrender myself for disciplinary action.”

“What are you talking about?” You ask him, giggling softly. “Steve, have you lost your mind?”

“No Ma’am,” He grins, holding out a hand to you. “But you’ve got me a little shell shocked, looking as gorgeous as you do. That dress looks as perfect on you as it did at the Winter Carnival.”

You look down at the dress. _Surely it’s not the same dress, I mean it looks like it but how…_ He sees your confusion as you take his arm and start to walk.

“I had Mr. Stark get an identical dress made for you based on a sketch I handed him. He can be a wise guy sometimes but he’s got the suds and he wanted to help make today perfect.”

 _Mr. Stark? A wise guy? The suds? I have to have hit my head._ The last time you heard Steve talk like this was over seventy years ago. “Steve, uh... Captain Rogers?” He inclines his head with a raised brow. “Where are we going?”

“Don’t you worry about a thing little lady,” He answers, sounding every bit the soldier. “But you and I are going to a humdinger of a dance.”

You pass by the common room and raise a brow in question. That’s where the Christmas party was held. Where is he taking you? Steve continues to make small talk, peppering in every bit of slang from the forties that he can. Each time you answer him, you try not to giggle. Wherever he’s taking you, Steve is committed to authenticity.

He presses the code to open the back door, leading to the grounds. Outside is a massive white tent. It’s easily the size of the compound itself. You can’t see inside of it but you can hear swing music drifting out of the open doorway. 

You can’t hide your excitement as you both make your way inside. Steve extends his arm and lets you enter the tent before him. You gasp as you take it all in. 

You are instantly transported back to the last USO Party you attended before you started going into the field. Howard had taken you on a date and as you look around the room at the lavishly decorated tent, you feel like you’re there again. 

Twelve tables are set up around a raised dance floor. You see red, white and blue accents everywhere - flowers on the tables, bows on the backs of chairs, even on the hired staff for the event. Everything reflects the USO theme.

The tablecloths are blue checker and an American flag pattern circles the large raised platform the dance floor sits on. On the pillars supporting the massive pavilion are photographs of you and Steve, the Commandos, and New York in the 40’s. 

You turn to gape at Steve. “What is all this?” You ask completely awestruck. “What’s the occasion?”

“You are, Ace.” Tony walks up to you, making you do a double take. With his hair gelled into place the way it is, you’ve never seen him look more like his father than he does now.

Sporting dark wide-leg pants held in place by classic striped suspenders, his legs swish when he stops in front of you. His dress shirt is folded at the elbows and a wide patterned tie completes the outfit. “We did this for you.”

“Anthony, you look -”

“Great, right?” He beams at you, pulling at his suspenders. “You too. You look,” He whistles in your direction. “I mean, you look amazing Ace.”

You tell him how handsome he looks and he grins. “The tie pattern is a bit much but I was trying to copy a photo of my old man. I think I pull it off better than him.” 

“Sure you do.” Bucky comes up on your side. “Just as modest as he was too.”

Bucky, like Steve, is wearing his dress uniform and looks as handsome as ever. You grin at all three of them. “Is this what you three have been planning? Sneaking around for weeks, I thought I was going crazy.”

“It’s been a rough year,” Bucky explains. “We wanted to do something fun and Stevie figured a good old fashioned USO Party was the way to go.”

“And you know me with a party,” Tony laughs. “Go big or go home, so here we are. Whaddya think?” 

You look around and take in the handful of faces you recognize, all decked out in attire from the 40’s. Natasha is swaying to the music with Bruce at her side. You spy Pepper leaning against a pillar with Peter and his aunt and Sam chatting with Rhodey and a few men you don’t recognize.

Before you turn back to Tony, you see Loki, dressed in a dark suit, sitting near the dance floor with his brother in deep conversation.

It’s too much but somehow still perfect. You tell them that. Tony beams and nudges Bucky with his elbow. “Told you I’m good.” Bucky rolls his eyes but doesn’t disagree.

Steve leans over and presses his lips to your temple. “Shall we dance?” You nod and let him lead you to the dance floor. As you climb the few steps, the band plays an upbeat song that gets everyone on their feet. Tony sways with Pepper and you nod when he looks at you. He twirls her away from you with a smile.

Bucky leads Nat up the steps and the pair begin dancing as the music gets faster. They spin around you and when Nat’s scarlet hair whirls around her head, you could swear Bucky was dancing with Dottie.

 _She would’ve loved this_ , you think as you watch them with a wistful smile. Bucky’s expression is genuinely happy, something that you haven't seen in some time. 

Steve twists you around the floor and as the music ends, he dips you. The band starts to play something slow and you rest your head against his chest as you sway back and forth. You feel his chest rumble as he hums along to the song.

You lift your head and smile up at him. “Welcome home, Captain.” 

He smiles down at you softly. “I’m so sorry I made you wait.”

You can’t imagine being happier than you are at this moment. “Steve,” you whisper. “I would have waited for you forever.” He doesn’t say anything, just holds you a little tighter and you know your words have affected him.

You can’t believe how lucky you are. This man has created an entire night just for you, just to create a sense of comfort from the rollercoaster this last year has been.

After a few songs, you and Steve decide to take a breather. He guides you to a table and asks if you’d like something to drink. You nod and he hurries off to the bar set up against the back wall. You glance around the room and wave at Peter as he makes his way over to you. 

“Hey Mrs. R!” He calls out. You smile and greet him when he pulls out a chair to sit next to you. “Are you having a good time? I had no idea that Mr. Stark and the Captain were planning something like _this.”_

You chuckle and shake your head. “I didn't either. They really are sneaky. Sergeant Barnes helped too. Did you see him dancing out there?”

“I did!” Peter exclaims. “But you and Captain Rogers are killer diller out there. I had no idea he could dig the jive that well. But with a dish like you, it’s no surprise.” 

You can’t help but giggle. “Where on Earth did you learn to talk like that?”

“Yeah kid,” Tony interrupts, pulling out the chair to your left. “I don’t know what you just said but it sounds offensive.”

“It’s not,” You assure him. “Peter was complimenting mine and Steve’s dancing ability and he told me -”

“Because she was so pretty, he wasn’t surprised.” Steve finishes, placing a drink in front of you. He glances at Peter with a smile. “She taught me how to dance, I had two left feet until she helped me. But if you really want to see some fancy footwork, you should see this little lady dance with Bucky. He can really _cut a rug_.”

“Oh, stop.” You feel your cheeks blush. “James is a great dancer, but don’t sell yourself short.”

“I don’t know Ace,” Tony laughs. “Kinda refreshing to hear that Cap isn’t perfect at _everything_ the first time.” 

Steve rolls his eyes and rests his hands on your shoulders. “I didn’t have to be perfect Tony, I just needed the right partner.” You squeeze his hand, a small gesture to let him know you appreciate what he’s said.

Tony smiles at you both before glancing over your shoulder. “Yeah, I get that.” He excuses himself and steps away. You turn to see where he’s gone off to; your mouth twists into a smile when he reaches Pepper and rests his chin in the crook of her neck. _If only Howard could see his son now._ You know how proud he’d be.

“I have to say a few words darling,” Steve tells you. “I’ll be right back.” You nod and twist your body toward the podium the band stands on.

Steve climbs the few steps and addresses the group. Everyone falls silent as he begins to speak. “Ladies and gentleman. I want to thank everyone for joining us today. It’s been a bit of a tough year for the Avengers. While we have so much to celebrate, we’ve had to face a few crushing losses and more than one close call. This party isn’t meant to be a fix-it for what we’ve faced, but I felt it was high time to bring everyone together in celebration of the family we have and the love we share.” 

He takes a deep breath and meets your eyes. “I personally have so much to be grateful for. I’ve been given a second chance with the love of my life, something I will never take for granted. Tony and I felt that a…” He clears his throat. “...small get together was just what we needed. Thank you Tony for ignoring the word _small._ ” 

Tony laughs from his seat. “Go big or go home Cap.” This earns a murmur of laughter from the crowd and you smile. He winks at you when he hears your peals of laughter as well.

Steve smiles and lets the crowd grow quiet again. “There is much we still have to face. But we will do it together, as we always have. For tonight however, please have a drink or three on us and cut a rug on that dance floor. I couldn’t ask for a better team or a better family to be a part of.” Applause erupts as Steve steps away from the podium. 

You stand and meet him halfway. “I love you Steve Rogers, you know that?” You wrap your arms around him and feel him sigh in contentment.

“I love you too darling.” He echos, resting his head on yours. You stay like that, in his arms, for a few moments. You let the music wash over you and close your eyes, swaying in place with him.

From the way all your friends are dressed to the music and decorations, it’s so easy to imagine that you’re back in 1945 with him. Especially now when you hear ‘In The Mood’ start to play.

“Hey Harvard!” Bucky yells, making you turn to see his smiling face coming toward you in the crowd. “Let’s you and I swing a wing, huh? Show these dead hoopers how to really knock it out!” He takes your hand and pulls you up to the dance floor.

Bucky has always been an incredible dancer and as he whirls you around the floor, you notice that a crowd has assembled to watch you both. You move your feet quickly as he spins you around with a laugh.

He holds his hand out as you dance around him, stepping quickly along with the song. You kick your leg out as Bucky leans the opposite way and kicks out his. When you spin back, he crouches and helps you jump into the air to spin around his back.

As you land, everyone claps riotously. Tony takes over with a quick, “May I cut in?” You nod, slowing your steps just a second to catch your breath. He taps his feet back and forth while you shimmy and sway around him.

You smile as Tony counts the steps while watching you. He’s remembered most of what you’ve taught him, you proudly think. He lets go of your hand as you spin and when you stop, you land in Steve’s arms with a smile.

“My turn.” He grins and walks you backward in time with the beat. He takes your hands and sways back and forth with you. Steve’s smile is infectious, making you laugh as he kicks his leg out with yours.

You can’t remember the last time you had this much fun. He takes your hand and holds it high so you can sway back and forth, letting the skirt of your dress flare out as you move. 

When you stop spinning, Tony has taken over again to finish the song. He holds a hand out to you with a smirk. You take it and move your hips back and forth as you step closer to him. You spin a few times more and as the trumpet swells, ending the song, Tony dramatically dips you.

With your head tilted, you see the audience begin to clap, then stop abruptly. A hush falls over the crowd as Tony guides you back into an upright position. He grins excitedly and once you have your bearings again, you look down.

 _Oh my God._

Steve is down on one knee, smiling nervously. He extends his hand to you. On uncertain legs, you walk forward to him.

_Is he about to..._

You draw in a shaky, excited breath. 

_He is._

“Darling,” Steve begins softly. “You’ve always been my best girl, I saw my world differently when you became a part of it. My heart has always belonged to you, no time or circumstance will change that. I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you. Sweetheart, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. You’ve been my strength and my courage always.” 

As he gently pulls a small ring box from his pocket, you feel tears well up in your eyes. You cover your mouth with your hands, letting tears of happiness slip down your cheeks. “Will you marry me?”

You nod, wiping away your tears. “Yes. Yes, Steven Rogers, a thousand times yes.” With trembling hands, he slides the ring onto your finger. It’s beautiful and fits perfectly.

Two small heart shaped diamonds sit on either side of a gorgeously sparkling oval diamond with a thin halo circling it. The ring glints in the light when you hold it up. 

Pressing your hand to your heart, you glance over at Steve. His eyes are wet as he rises to his feet. He wraps his arms around you and effortlessly lifts you, spinning you for a moment. When he lowers you to the ground, he leans his head down to press his lips to yours. 

You smile against his mouth as you hear everyone cheering and clapping. You both giggle as you lean back. “She said yes!” Steve shouts, more excited than you’ve ever seen him. He wipes away his tears and looks into your eyes. “She said yes.” He repeats, softer this time, the words meant only for you.

He presses his forehead against yours as soft music begins to play. You both sway in place to the song but you hardly hear the words. Earlier in the day, you had thought nothing could top the happiness you felt by just being here. Then Steve asked you to marry him. After everything you’ve been through, you finally get to build your life with the man you truly love. 

As the song ends, Tony taps the mic from his place by the band. “Let’s hear it for these crazy kids!” He lifts his glass towards the two of you as everyone claps. You take Steve’s hand and he lifts it to his lips. “Alright, alright!” Tony laughs. “I say kids but let’s be real, they’re both older than me!” 

He smiles when Steve raises an eyebrow. “Honestly guys, I couldn’t be happier. No one deserves this more than the two of you. Now get outta here huh? This party's gonna carry on long into the night, we’ll be here when you get back.” You feel color rush to your cheeks at what he’s implying. 

You stop at the table to retrieve your clutch and when you turn, Thor and Loki are making their way through the crowd to you. Thor is quick to congratulate you with a hug and ask where he can find Steve.

With a smile, you motion a few feet behind you and Thor sets off after him. “Congratulations, love.” Loki smiles as you turn back to him. “No one deserves to be happier than you.”

“Thank you, Loki.” You give him a small hug and lean back. “Can I just say, you look very handsome in your suit.”

He grins and crosses his arms. “Well, I knew this was happening and I wanted to make sure I looked the part. The Captain requested it.”

He looks over his shoulder at his brother. “Unfortunately, my brother and I will be traveling off world for a bit. There is civil unrest in Asgard and we must intervene. But, I assure you, I wouldn’t have missed tonight and I will be certain not to miss the ceremony.”

“I hope everything is alright.” You furrow your brows in concern. “And I don’t know how long you’ll be gone but we haven’t even picked a date. I think you’ll be fine.”

“Just as a precaution,” Loki explains. “I wanted you to know and I wanted to thank you. You have shown me more kindness in these last six weeks than many have shown me in a lifetime.”

This time, Loki hugs you and smiles. “You are welcome here anytime.” You tell him. “Think of this as your second home.”

***

As Steve leads you out of the tent, your smile grows. To your right, is the collection of cars from your guests inside. You grab his hand and walk with him in between two taller cars. “I can’t wait to be your wife,” you tell him as you push him gently against the side of an SUV. “I love you so much.”

He looks down at you and smirks. “I can’t wait for you to be my wife.” You tug his tie out of his uniform and wrap it around your hand. Pulling it down, you lower Steve’s head to yours. His eyes widen in surprise, you can tell he wasn’t expecting _that._ He recovers quickly, smirking as he attempts to say something but you press your lips to his, cutting him off.

You thread the fingers of your free hand into his hair as he wraps his hands around your waist. He steps forward and you know he’s going to try to walk you backward and press you against the other car. You’re not ready to let him take over, not yet.

“At ease, Captain.” You order him, letting go of his tie. He stops and relaxes back against the SUV. You rest your hands against his chest and stare up at him. “You’re off duty right now.” 

You stand on your tiptoes to kiss him as his hands move from your waist to your hair. You reach for his tie again and pull him down to you. He chuckles, low in the back of his throat and you lean back from him to catch your breath.

His pupils are blown wide with lust, the blue of them visible only in tiny rings. “Let’s go inside, sweetheart.” He whispers hoarsely. You nod and let him lift you. You wrap your legs around his waist and press quick kisses along his neck and jaw as he carries you up to the suite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought we'd throw in a video of an actual Lindy Hop to 'In The Mood'  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e62p_K4-Cvc


	57. Chapter Fifty-Seven

For Steve’s first birthday as your fiance, you had wanted to do something extra special for him. After racking your brain for days, the answer had fallen into your lap. 

_At breakfast about a month before, Steve had been scrolling through an article on his StarkPad when he eagerly flipped it around to show you._

_“Sweetheart, do you remember my old Harley? From the War?” You had nodded, glancing up to see what had made him so excited. “This Veteran in Massachusetts rebuilt an old Liberator. It looks just like mine.” He smiled at you wistfully. “There was something about the feel of that bike. She was a work of art.”_

_You had raised your eyebrow, lifting the coffee cup to take a drink before you asked, “don’t you have a Harley now?” Steve had looked a little like a scolded puppy. “You hardly bring her out.”_

_“Yes,” he explained with a small shrug. “But it’s… it’s hard to explain. Riding the Liberator was different. You could really feel her gripping the road. She had blackout lights and a much better air cleaner for off roading. With the Softail, it’s too...” he had paused, searching for the right words. “Smooth. I don’t feel like I’m riding a bike, I feel like I’m in a car with all the windows down.”_

_You had smiled at him then, you always loved when Steve talked about something that excited him. His cobalt eyes would light up with passion and he always moved his hands with intense animation. This time was no exception. “You can’t buy them anymore?” You had asked, as an idea began to take shape in your mind._

_He shook his head, turning back to the article. “I could always try to rebuild one. But I was never the mechanic. That was Howard,” he had smiled at you. “And in any case, I wouldn’t have the time. We have a wedding to plan.”_

_You had smiled back at him and finished breakfast. As soon as you were able, you had dashed down to Tony’s workshop. With any luck, he’d be down there and you wouldn’t have to go hunting for him._

_You had found him elbow deep in an Ironman suit, the major pieces all around him on the floor. “Tony?” You had called out softly so as not to startle him. He had still jumped before pulling his arm out of the chest cavity. “I’m sorry to bother you, do you have a minute? I need some help with Steve’s birthday.”_

_“For you Ace, I can make a minute.” He had reached for a rag to wipe his hand and gestured for you to sit on the stool next to him. “Whatever you have in mind, I’m in.” He had grinned at you, “As long as it’s not a puppy. None of us have time for a puppy.” You had laughed, shaking your head and began to explain your plan._

The morning of Steve’s birthday, you excitedly guide him out to the front of the compound. You’ve blindfolded him and you’re holding his hand to help him out the doors. “Should I have worn something specific?” He asks, lightly.

You take stock of what he’s wearing. You raise your eyebrow and almost make a comment about how much he reminds you of James Dean. From the form fitting white t-shirt, to his dark wash jeans and black boots, Steve looks perfect. Incredibly so. You tell him that with a grin and he smirks in response. “Alright, so where are you taking me?” He chuckles. “Should I guess?”

You gently smack his arm, causing him to keep laughing. “Steven Grant, don’t you dare.” You stop him in front of the doors leading outside. “Tony and I have been working on this for weeks. We can’t wait to give this to you. Now stay here, don’t move.”

"Yes ma’am.” Steve grins, standing straight and still. You type in the code to open the doors and see Tony standing outside next to the fully rebuilt 1942 Harley-Davidson WLA Liberator that you both have been studiously working on for the last month. Tony grins, giving you the thumbs up and you reach for Steve’s hand.

“We hope you love it.” You tell him softly, leaning on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. You guide him out the door and stop about three feet from the bike. You nod at Tony who straddles the bike and kickstarts it. She roars to life and the air is filled with the distinct sounds of a Liberator’s engine. Tony climbs off as Steve rips the blindfold from his eyes.

“Son of a - how did you?” Steve glances wildly at you, then Tony, then the bike. “Is this really a WLA Liberator?” He runs his fingers along the handlebars gently. “Guys, how on Earth did you find her?” 

“Happy Birthday, Stevie,” You smile when he turns and lifts you up. Spinning you quickly, he gives you a quick kiss. When he puts you back on the ground, you motion to him to get closer and check her out.

Tony grins, handing Steve a large box before turning the bike off. “This was all Ace’s idea. She came down to me and asked if I could help her find one, the condition didn’t matter. We could rebuild her, and boy did we ever. I kept the integrity of the body intact but she’s got a new engine and fording system. Plus, military regulation paint job. Ace took care of that. And yes, I know the second seat isn’t regulation but you needed a place for your girl.” Steve takes the box from Tony with a smile and rests it on the back of the bike. “Happy Birthday, Cap.”

Steve turns to you again, his eyes glassy. “You did this for me?”

“Of course I did, my love.” You reach for his hand. “When you were talking about her that morning at breakfast, I knew how much you missed yours. The way you described her made me want to find one, if only so I could see how happy you’d be riding again. Tony had the means to help and I wanted to give my fiance the best birthday gift I could.”

He squeezes your hand and gently presses it to his heart. “You already gave me that when you agreed to be my wife.” You lean forward and let him wrap his other arm around your waist.

Tony chuckles, “Alright, you two. Save that for part two of this birthday adventure.” He lifts the box again and hands it to Steve. “Open your other gift and go ahead and get outta here.” 

Steve unwraps the box and pulls out a lightweight black leather jacket. He excitedly pulls his arms through and when he turns around to show it off, you _need a minute_. He looks… well there aren’t words, but Steve can tell you love it from the heated stare you give him when you’ve finished looking him over. 

Steve winks and turns back to Tony. “I was gonna getcha a helmet.” Tony shrugs and rolls his eyes. “But I figured Steve ‘no parachute’ Rogers wouldn’t use it. Best I could do was make sure Ace had one.” He lifts the flap of the saddle bag and hands yours to you.

“This means more than you know.” Steve admits, clapping the other man on the shoulder. “Thank you, Tony.” 

“It’s nothing, really.” Tony promises. “Now go, have a great ride. I cleared your schedule today.” He hands Steve a pair of sunglasses with a smile before heading back into the compound.

Steve climbs onto the bike and once your helmet is secure, you climb on behind him. He starts the bike and yells loudly for you to hold on. You tighten your grip around his waist as the bike takes you out of the parking area. “Where to?” He asks, leaning his head back slightly.

"It’s your birthday,” You tell him with a small chuckle. “I’ve packed a picnic lunch so anywhere you want!” He nods and once you’ve reached the end of the sprawling driveway, he turns up the road that will take you toward the Catskill Mountains. 

The ride is a pleasant one. Steve keeps the speed even, asking every once in a while if you’re alright. Each time you nod, knowing how excited he must be to be able to ride a Liberator again. The wind ruffles his hair and jacket, reminding you again just how much he looks like James Dean. You close your eyes and lean your head against his back, enjoying the ride and this moment with him.

After about forty minutes, he turns off onto a tourist viewpoint. As the bike slows, he says this seems like a great place to stop. From the view you see at the outlook, you completely agree. Steve kills the engine and lets you climb off. 

Your body hums with excitement as your legs adjust to standing. You unclip the helmet as Steve climbs off himself. “There is nothing like that,” He swears with a grin. “Well, _almost_ nothing.” You blush and turn to grab the lunch you packed.

You walk over to the railing and stare at the mountain range in front of you. The green and gold hues of the forest are breathtaking. “My goodness,” You murmur. “Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?”

“I have.” Steve nudges you so you stare up at him. When you understand his meaning, you blush again. “This is the best birthday ever, sweetheart. Thank you for this.”

“Thank you for being the wonderful man you are.” You lean your head against his shoulder and sigh. Being with him makes you happier than you ever thought possible and moments like this are proof that everything you’ve gone through together is worth it.

“What did you make for my birthday lunch?” He looks down at you and grins. You tell him you’ve made sandwiches and he smiles. “Let’s dig in, shall we?

You grab the small blanket you rolled and attached to the back of the bike and spread it out as Steve sets out the food. “I’m making your favorite for dinner,” you tell him as he unwraps a sandwich. “Lasagne.”

“And apple pie?” 

“Of course, darling.” You smile at him. “Your birthday wouldn’t be complete without it.”

***

“How was the ride kiddos?” Tony asks when you walk back into the compound, hand in hand with Steve. You both nod and Tony grins. “So listen,” he begins, talking quickly. “I invited some friends over tonight for a party. Sort of a Fourth of July/ Happy Birthday Cap kinda thing. Hope you don’t mind.”

Steve groans and runs his free hand down his face. “Tony. I don’t want a huge party,” he glances at you. “Neither of us do. I mean, we _just_ had a huge thing here.”

You nod your head in agreement. “I planned on cooking Steve a small dinner and staying in, nothing crazy.”

Tony throws his hands up, “Come on, Cap when you passed the century mark we didn’t make a big thing of it. I just figured, with Ace along for the ride, we should properly celebrate.” You roll your eyes, trust Tony to find a reason to have a party. 

Steve _does_ deserve to be celebrated but if he doesn’t want a party, you won't push him to go. “Sweetheart,” You turn to face him. “We can still do our dinner, just you and me. Then we can pop down to the party after, for a bit before the fireworks?”

“You’re sure you don’t mind?” He asks, narrowing his eyes at Tony. You can see he’s still smiling so you crack a smile that turns into a small laugh. You tell him you don’t mind at all and Tony’s excitement grows. 

“Thanks _Mom and Dad_ ,” Tony laughs, turning to walk away. “See you tonight, wear something nice!”

“What on _Earth_ is wrong with him?” You chuckle as you both head toward the elevators.

Steve smirks at you as he presses the button to go up. “Obviously it’s because you didn’t hug him enough as a child.” He raises an eyebrow in disapproval. “You were a very distant mother.”

You roll your eyes as the doors slide open, “Well I was frozen, in Russia. So, what’s your excuse?”

“I was frozen _first_.” He deadpans as he follows you in. “And it’s my birthday.”

***

As you begin mixing pie crust, Steve comes back into the kitchen and wraps his arms around you from behind. “Of all the things I love watching you do,” He raves, nestling his head in the crook of your neck. “I think cooking is my favorite.” He presses a quick kiss to your cheek and steps away from you. With more grace than he should be able to, he jumps up onto the counter and smiles at you. 

“I’ll take that as a high compliment.” You smile back and lean your elbow against the counter. “But, if you think you’re going to come into my kitchen and just _watch_ , then clearly old age is affecting your memory.” You grab a peeler and the bowl of apples from the island behind you. “Get peeling, Captain.”

Steve raises both of his eyebrows in surprise. “It _is_ my birthday,” he laughs softly. You raise your own eyebrow and he continues to laugh. “Yes, ma’am.”

“What was that call about?” You ask him. Tony had said he’d cleared Steve’ calendar today so it had surprised you both that the Secretary of Defense had called, on the Fourth of July of all days.

“Nothing substantial honestly,” He grabs an apple and gets to work. “We’ve had black ops following leads on Schmidt for months. They thought they might’ve had something.” You tilt your head in interest. He shakes his head. “They didn’t. He’s covering his tracks too well.”

You let out a heavy sigh. “We need to get back out there, Steve.” You begin pressing the dough into the pan. “I don’t like it anymore than you do and I know what you’re going to say. But sweetheart, you and I both know that until we go after Schmidt, he won’t be found. His vendetta is with us.”

Steve stares at you silently. You know he doesn’t like it, but in your heart you know you’re not wrong. He knows it too.

After he’s peeled a couple apples, Steve pauses and sets down the peeler. “Darling, I know that a lot has happened since we brought this up last. But do you still want to try to have a family with me?” 

You look up, surprised. “Of course I do, sweetheart.” You turn to face him, “but I still think we shouldn’t be trying to raise a family here. There are way too many things for little ones to get into. Why do you ask?”

He shrugs slightly, moving his hand to cover yours. “It’s been a rough -”

“I know,” you interrupt with a small smile. “But I am engaged to the love of my life. No matter what hardships we face, we face them together. Like house hunting and planning a wedding, how hard can it be?”

Steve rolls his eyes and flicks a bit of flour at you. You blow some in his direction and when you see the dusting of flour on his face, you double over in laughter. He grabs a towel and tries to wipe it off. “You know,” he smiles, still covered with flour. “I almost proposed to you back in the ‘4o’s.”

You reach over and wipe the rest from his face. “You told me. You said that you had wanted to wait until after the war.”

“No, no.” He shakes his head with a grin. “Remember that day we went for a bicycle ride around the base and I had a picnic waiting for us?” You nod as he continues. “I was so ready to ask you to be my wife but, like always, Howard had the worst timing.”

“Stevie, you were able to pull off the most amazing proposal at the USO party.” You step closer to him, resting your floury hands on his jeans with a smile. “No matter the decade, believe that I would have said yes to you. I’ve wanted to be your wife since we danced at Dottie’s on New Years.”

He leans down and wraps his arms around you. “Darling, I love you so much.”

You press your head to his chest. “I love you too, Stevie.”

***

After you both have finished dinner, F.R.I.D.A.Y. announces that Steve has another urgent call in his office. He sighs and asks if he could call them back. The A.I tells you both that the Secretary refuses to wait. “I’m sorry darling, I won’t be long.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” You stand and grab the dishes to put into the dishwasher. “Go take the call. I’m going to clean this up and head up to change for the party.”

He rolls his eyes. “Right, the party.” He carries the glasses into the kitchen and after he sets them down, you shoo him out, reminding him that the faster he takes the call, the faster he can get the to the second half of his birthday. He smirks, “I’ll be twenty minutes, tops.”

Hours later, you stare at the clock in your room. _What on Earth is keeping him?_ You hadn’t wanted to go to the party without him, so you waited patiently, sure that he would be up in just a minute. Parties weren’t exactly your cup of tea, anyway. You were more than content to relax and read a book until his call was done.

But now, the fireworks have long since been over and there’s still no sign of him. _Well, I’ll just have to go to him._ You slip out of your dress and readjust your garters. Your hair and makeup are still perfect, all you need to do is reapply your lipstick. You had on a soft mauve, but for _this,_ you reach for Steve’s favorite dark red shade. 

Once you’ve applied, you stand from your vanity and stride over to the closet. You change out of your oxfords, opting instead for a simple pair of black heels and lean into the back of your closet. You pull out a tan trench coat, bought months ago when it was still cold outside, and slip it on over your lingerie. You tie the belt and stare at yourself in the mirror. This is bold, especially for you, but you’re determined to give Steve the best birthday you can.

You slip out of the suite and hurry to the elevator, praying that no one sees you. You know you’ll lose your nerve if you have to stop and explain why you’re wearing a trench coat after ten o’clock at night, in July.

You tap your foot impatiently as the elevator rises. As you step out onto the floor, you’re met with silence. You gingerly make your way down the hall, toward Steve’s office. You softly call out to F.R.I.D.A.Y. and ask if Steve is still in there. “Yes, ma’am.” She tells you. “He is still on the phone with the Secretary. Would you like me to tell him you’re outside?” You tell her no and quietly open the door.

Steve looks up, surprise mingles with confusion on his weary face. “Sweetheart,” he whispers, covering the phone with his palm. “I’m sorry this is taking so long. What are you doing here?”

“Hang up the phone.” You order him softly and he shakes his head regretfully. You turn quickly and lock the door behind you. Steve raises a brow but stays silent, watching you intently as he listens to the voice on the phone. 

As you walk to the desk, you untie the belt of your coat and place your hands on your hips, revealing the lingerie underneath. “Hang up the phone, Captain.” 

Steve drops the phone onto his desk and scrambles to sit up straight. “Uh… Sir?” As he stumbles over his words, his eyes stay glued to you. “I’m gonna have to call you back.” Without another word, he hits the end button on his phone. 

Pushing yourself off the desk, you drop your trench coat and make your way around, heart racing. “Wha-“ Steve stutters, watching as you kneel down in front of him. He opens his mouth to try and speak but you gently palm his growing erection through his jeans and shake your head. 

You fumble with his belt for a moment before he takes over. He unbuckles it with ease and you smile up at him through your lashes. This isn’t something you ever thought you’d be doing. But for Steve, you’re willing to try anything. Unzipping his jeans, you slide your trembling fingers into his briefs. 

At your touch, Steve lets out a groan as his head falls back against the chair. You smirk and pull his cock from his briefs. Pressing soft kisses against the shaft, you work your way up to the tip and glance up at Steve. His lust filled eyes are glued to you as he grips the armrests of his chair. 

Feeling slightly more confident, you tease the tip of his cock with your tongue while gently running your hand along the shaft. Steve groans above you, encouraging you to continue. You close your eyes as you continue to tease him, enjoying his reaction to what you’re doing. After a few moments, you decide to stop your teasing and you wrap your lips around him.

With a soft smile, you look up at him and let your tongue swirl around the tip. He threads his fingers into your hair as you begin to bob your head up and down along his length. “Oh god sweetheart.” He moans, gently bucking his hips forward to meet your mouth. Your eyes fly open as you feel his belt meet your lips. “ _Shit_! I’m so sorry.” 

You pull away for a moment, sitting back on your heels as your hand keeps a steady pace. “Stand down, Captain.” He groans and you lean up to kiss him lightly before returning your mouth to his cock. It’s obvious how hard he’s trying to keep his hips still this time.

Every sound he makes only makes you feel more confident. You meet his eyes as you continue sucking, hollowing and then relaxing your cheeks as you go. You know he’s close from the heavy breathing, occasional twitch of his hips and how his fingers tighten in your hair. 

Steve lets out a low moan, his muscles tensing as he cums hard. Shutting your eyes, you press your hands into his thighs to try to steady yourself as you swallow. You can tell the action surprises him but from the hazy, heavy lidded stare Steve gives you, you know it was the right move. After a moment, you sit back on your heels and grin up at him. 

“That was amazing, sweetheart.” He tells you as he buttons his pants. “Where on Earth did you learn that?”

“The internet.” You reply with a smirk. “So helpful.”* Standing, you quickly wipe your mouth with a tissue he hands you. “Happy birthday, Stevie. I love you.” 

Steve pulls you onto his lap, kissing you. “I love you too. More than anything.” 

“See you back downstairs?” You ask, rising from his lap to retrieve your coat from the floor. 

“Only if you keep that lingerie on.” He teases, looking you over hungrily. You promise that you will and make your way to the door. “I swear, I will only be a few more minutes.” You smile softly to yourself as you click the door shut and turn back toward the elevators. 

You’ve gotten about two steps when the elevator doors ding and you freeze. _Shit._ You glance around wildly, knowing that there is nowhere you could go fast enough. As you quickly contemplate your options, Tony and Bucky walk out of the elevator, deep in conversation over a small stack of files. Bucky glances up first, eyebrows raised when he sees you. “Hey Harvard,” he says casually. “What are you doing?”

“I… uh.. I forgot...” You should just stop talking but you can’t get your brain to understand that. You cross your arms, accidentally shifting the hastily tied coat and revealing more of the lingerie than you intended.

Bucky and Tony continue to stare but it’s Bucky who seems to connect the dots first. His eyes widen in disbelief. “ _Stooop_.” He laughs, making a small barking sound and doubling over. When he stands back up, he rests his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “You did it, didn’t you?”

“James, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

You hear Steve’s office door creak open and you whirl around to face him. His hand is still on the handle when he meets your eyes. “What are you guys doing up here?” He asks, less confidently than you’d like him to. 

You stare at his t-shirt and notice your red lipstick on the hem of it as he walks over to you. _Oh god. It must have rubbed off from his belt._ His hair is mussed, undoubtedly from him running his fingers through it after he bucked his hips. 

You know your hair is a mess, and bits of your lingerie have already been seen. Bucky’s already connected the dots, you saw it on his face. There’s no way that Tony won’t after seeing all this.

You turn back as Tony clears his throat. “Uh, Barnes and I were going over old Hydra data in the kitchen. He recognized a symbol in one of the files and we came up here to - wait a second.” He gestures between the two of you. “What are _you guys_ doing up here?” He narrows his eyes for a second, observing the state you’re both in. “So _that’s_ what the banana was for? _Way to go, Ace_.” 

Your cheeks turn red as both men in front of you smirk. Bucky nods his head in approval. “Happy Birthday to Stevie, huh?”

Steve rescues you, threading his fingers through yours. “Based on DoD intel, I have quite a bit to discuss with you in the morning.” He gives them both a serious expression. “Now gentleman, it’s been a uh, long day.” He smiles at you before leading you toward the elevators. “So if you don’t mind, I’d like to enjoy the rest of my birthday with my fiancée.”

Tony’s mouth hangs open in silent surprise but as you pass, Bucky pulls out a handkerchief from his pocket with a grin. “Your lipstick is a little smeared there, Harvard.” You take the cloth with a small smile.

As the doors shut, Steve turns to you with a curious expression. “So I’m going to need to know about the banana.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *  
> You: Nat... I wanna do something special for Stevie's birthday this year.  
> Nat: Okay?  
> You: But... I... Um...  
> Nat: Spit it out.  
> You: He kind of... You know... And I wanted to... Return the favor?  
> Nat: You want to give him a blow job?  
> You: ....Yes  
> Nat: And you don't know how?  
> You: ....Yes  
> Nat: Get a banana and meet me in my office.


	58. Chapter Fifty-Eight

Two months after Steve’s birthday, Schmidt makes a move. No one is prepared, no one sees it coming.

It starts as a normal morning. You and Steve enjoy a late breakfast in bed before he has to attend two video conferences with Tony in his office. As you both get dressed, you ask him if he thinks there’s anything the team should be doing differently. 

“I’m not sure,” he admits, running his fingers through his beard anxiously. “I think S.H.I.E.L.D. is doing everything within their power to hunt down leads without us.” 

At your gesturing, Steve walks over to you and zips up the back of your dress. “But you and I both know the most effective hands are our own.” You argue as you turn to fix the collar of his dress shirt. 

“I get that Fury wants us benched until they’ve got something tangible.” Steve rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed. “ _For safety_. But I don’t think Schmidt is stupid enough to make a rookie move and out himself until he’s ready.”

You nod in agreement. “Make sure you drive that point home, Steve. Each time we underestimate him, Schmidt gets the upper hand.” Letting out a small huff, you cross your arms and sink onto the edge of the bed. “Sometimes I think Fury underestimates you and Tony.”

“So do I.” He sighs, leaning over to kiss the top of your head. “But we fully intend to -”

A knock at the door interrupts him and Tony calls from the other side. “Cap, you ready? You know how much I love these video calls, I just _can't wait_ to hop on them.”

Steve laughs, walking toward the door. “Oh I know you do, Tony.” He opens the door to let Tony slip in. “Give me just a second to get my shoes.”

“Morning Ace,” Tony greets as he sits on the edge of your bed next to you. “Hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” He wiggles his eyebrows, making you smack him lightly on the arm.

“I’m kidding,” he smiles. “Hopefully these calls aren’t all yelling.” He groans and runs his hands through his hair. “I feel like that’s what's been happening lately, on both sides.”

“There won’t be yelling, Tony.” Steve promises, motioning for Tony to stand. “But Fury is going to listen to us. Before something catastrophic happens.”

“Please fill me in after?” You ask them both, as they start toward the door. 

“Sure thing Ace,” Tony nods.

Steve nods at you with a smile. “Of course, darling.”

***

“Cap’s gonna miss lunch, he and Barnes had a follow up with the Ops team.” Tony shrugs as he walks into the kitchen a few hours later. “Barnes has been decoding more of those symbols I showed him the night we uh, ran into you outside of the offices. He thinks he’s decoded something about a cannon.”

“I’ll save them both a plate.” You pull out the veggies from the steamer as he leans against the counter. “Did the call go the way you hoped?”

“Ask me if Fury was a total dick.” Tony rolls his eyes as you grab the chicken from the oven. “I’ll give you one guess.”

“What did he say?” You ask, setting it on the island to cool. Tony pushes himself off the counter and grabs two plates from the cabinet. 

“There’s been cluster bombings in Europe for the last three weeks.” You attempt to interrupt but he shakes his head in annoyance. “S.H.I.E.L.D. didn’t say anything to us, _to us_ , because they couldn’t prove it was Schmidt. Steve and I are convinced that it’s him.”

He walks with you to the table in the common room. “The attacks are random, high fatalities with the same signature as each previous attack.”

“The Director thinks they’re just random attacks?” You ask in surprise. Tony nods, angrily. You can’t fathom why the team is getting such pushback on this. If Steve and Tony think it’s Schmidt, it is. “That’s completely ridiculous.”

“I know.” Tony agrees. “It’s Schmidt, Ace. He’s trying to draw us out.” You plate lunch while he continues. “We all think it’s suspicious that he hasn’t been seen in months. I mean, I got a good shot in last time but the guy doesn’t seem to be the patient type.”

“We haven’t been out there,” You argue as you push your chair in. “Steve and I think that we need to put ourselves in the line of fire to get his attention. That’s the only way we’re going to catch him.”

“ _Yeah_. Cap made that argument, Ace.” Tony settles himself into his chair. “And I gotta be honest, that crazy son of a bitch, pardon my French, wants you and Steve _dead._ I’m not too keen on giving him what he wants.”

“I’m not either,” You point out. “But I’m afraid it’s going to be our only option if Schmidt keeps this up.” 

“It’s not gonna come to that.” Tony promises, digging into his plate.

As you smile at him, you both hear a resounding boom, then feel a rumble in the floors below you. You have seconds to try and figure out its source before another boom can be heard above you. This rumble rocks the furniture in the room. 

“What the fuck -” Tony scrambles to his feet as the plate glass windows are shattered from a blast you can’t place.

He shoves you to the floor and twists both your body and his under the table to stop the spray of shattered glass from hitting you. Smoke fills the room quickly, limiting your vision. If Tony wasn’t touching you, you’d have no idea he was there.

 _What the hell is happening?_ You push yourself to your knees and frantically look around. Four men in dark suits rappel through the blown out windows.

“Finde das Mädchen(1)!” One yells and you clamp a hand over your mouth to keep from panicking. _Schmidt is here_. 

You turn to Tony, your eyes already filling with frightened tears. “It’s Schmidt, he’s here.” 

Tony leans back, still hunched on his knees. He wipes your face and smiles grimly. “If it is him, I fight.” You both know it’s a fight he’ll lose.

Tony isn’t wearing his nano reactor so he doesn’t have access to his suit. In the compound, you don’t feel the need to wear your control panel to call yours to you either.

Your panic rises as you realize the improbability of your situation. You know Tony can see the fear in your eyes. “Tony, you can’t!” You grab his arm. “You don’t have your suit, he _will_ kill you. Where’s Steve? What do we do? We can’t hide, we can’t -” 

“Hey. Listen to me, Ace.” Tony whispers urgently. “We’re going to be fine, Steve is going to be fine. Do you understand? The man is a tactical genius and Barnes is with him. You need to stay alive, let me handle this. Do _not_ try to be a hero, you got me?”

You shake your head, pushing down your fear. “Tony, he wants Steve and I. If I have a chance to end this -”

“No.” He growls, cutting you off. “This is not the setting. You are _defenseless_ right now. If it comes down to it, I’ll try -”

“Oh, leibchen!” Schmidt's voice carries throughout the common room. You flinch when you realize how close he is. “Komme raus wo immer du bist(2).”

Tony shakes his head, telling you to stay put and pushes himself to his feet. “You’re not getting her, asshole.” He warns as he stands in front of the table.

“Now, I hope you’re planning on reimbursing me for all this damage you and your fanboys caused. Cause I gotta tell you, double tempered glass ain’t the cheapest to replace.”

“You will not live long enough to worry about such things. Do you not recognize this, Mr. Stark?” You hear Schmidt chuckle and can see his boots move toward Tony.

“ _You should._ You’d be smart to not leave your toys lying around. Just _anyone_ could pick them up and make them their own. Imagine the damage it would rain down on a small town if it fell into the wrong hands.”

You can hear a repulsor fire up and watch Tony stumble back a few steps. “I wonder how it will feel to die at the hands of your own technology.”

You know Schmidt won’t hesitate, you have seconds to make a move. As quick as you can, you fly out from under the table and try to push Tony out of the way. 

You’re only seconds too slow, making the blow intended for Tony’s chest, hit his shoulder instead. Your hand comes away crimson as you check him for damage.

“Get outta here, Ace.” He hisses weakly as he pushes himself up from the floor. “ _Please._ ”

“Leibchen, I’m so glad you decided to join us.” Schmidt presses his hand to his ear. “I have the girl, eliminate the rest.” You stand quickly and scan the room for anything you could use as a weapon.

“No!” Tony shouts from behind you. Schmidt rolls his eyes and aims his repulsor above your head. The ceiling caves in, trapping Tony mostly underneath it. You whirl around and try to lift some of the debris as Schmidt calls to you again. 

“You made me miss, leibchen. Do not anger me further.” You hear the cocking of a pistol and take a deep breath. “I will not hesitate to put a bullet between Stark’s eyes.” _No._ You spin on your heel and glare at him.

“I’ve been searching all over for you,” He taunts, stepping closer to you. “I had time to think while I was healing from Stark’s attempt on my life. I decided to put on a show for you and the Captain. Did you not enjoy it?”

That confirms it, the bombings _were_ his doing. All those innocent lives lost because Schmidt wanted to draw you out. “No.” You whisper angrily. “You killed all those people? And for what? To... to get our attention?”

Schmidt nods, closing the distance between you. Frantically, you take a step back and hit the rubble. You have nowhere to go. “I wanted you to understand that no matter where you hide, I will find you. Even here, in this impenetrable fortress.” 

He powers down the repulsor and retracts it into his ring. “You will be mine.” His hand touches your face, making you flinch. When his hand wraps in your hair, you try to pull away from him.

“Don’t… touch… her…” Tony wheezes from where he’s trapped. His head and chest are exposed but the rest of him is covered in rubble. You know Tony’s more defenseless than you are right now. You need to keep Schmidt away from him, no matter the cost. 

“I will do as I please, Stark. You’re in no position to stop me. In fact,” Schmidt twists you around, pulling a pistol from his side holster and aims the pistol at Tony’s head. “I think it’s time I eliminated you completely.” As he takes aim, Tony closes his eyes.

“Stop, please,” You beg, attempting to face him. You hear Tony sob when Schmidt pulls back his arm. You push back against Schmidt, angrily. “Please don’t hurt him. I’m the one that you came for, right? Captain Rogers and myself. You have me now, don’t hurt Tony.”

“Leibchen, as much as I love hearing you beg, you must understand that nothing you can say will stop me.” His fingers tighten in your hair as he turns you around. You hear German coming from the comm in his ear, making him smile. “Perfektion(3).” He praises the voice on the line and smirks at you.

_What are they saying?_

“Beg me not to kill him, leibchen.” Schmidt orders suddenly. “Get on your knees and beg for his life.” _What?_ _He just said_ \- “Beg me, because Stark is going to be all you have left.”

No, Steve is too smart and the team knows how to defend themselves. You shake your head as Schmidt pushes you down to your knees. The cool marble of the floor is a striking contrast to how warm you feel right now.

“ _Beg me."_ Schmidt commands, pressing the pistol against your head. 

You close your eyes, feeling your heart hammering in your chest, and do as you’re told. “Please don’t hurt him. I’m the one you want.” You beg softly, letting a few tears slip down your face.

You swallow and try to even out your ragged breathing before speaking again. “Kill… kill me instead.”

Schmidt chuckles darkly, touching your cheek with his free hand. “Look at me, liebchen.” He orders. When you don’t obey, he presses the pistol harder against your skin. Your eyes fly open and he smiles.

“Trust me, I will kill you. You’ll beg for death when this is done and I will oblige, slowly. But first, I will take everyone from you.” 

Without moving the gun, he crouches down to meet your eyes. “Your precious Captain is already dead. Shot between the eyes in his office.” 

You feel like you can’t breathe. There’s no way they got the drop on him, Steve would’ve been smarter, would’ve been prepared. _But none of us were prepared_ , you think hopelessly.

You hear a small sob and realize after a moment that it’s come from you. “You’re lying.” You protest, blinking away tears. “You -”

“I would have preferred to kill him myself,” he muses, clearly enjoying your horror. “But my team understood that they were not to hesitate. Three of my agents cornered him and the Winter Soldier in his office. They immediately dispatched the soldier and in the confusion of the blasts, my number two shot him in the head.”

 _Nonono._ Your heart hammers in your chest. _James was with Steve._ Hydra wouldn’t know that or where they were unless…

“So, I’ll ask you again, leibchen. Beg me to spare Stark’s life.” 

You turn your head to see Tony’s face. It’s ashen from the mixture of pain and blood loss. He’s conscious, but only just. “Ace, I...I’m s...sorry.”

You turn away from him, letting fresh tears slide down your face. You can see it on _his_ face, Tony believes that Steve is dead. If he believes it…

“Please.” You meet Schmidt’s eyes. “Please, don’t kill Tony. Please spare his life.”

“Why, leibchen? Why should I?” He moves the gun and presses it under your chin. “And do be specific. Both of your lives depend on it.”

You swallow and struggle to keep your panic from overwhelming you. “Because he’s all I have left. Because… Captain Rogers is de… dead.”

He tilts his head, seeming to consider your offer. “No, I don’t think I will.” He starts to move the gun and you grab his arm, holding it in place.

“I’ll do anything. Please.” He stares at your hand, then your tear stained face. “I swear it, I’ll leave with you and I’ll do whatever you want. I won’t put up a fight.” 

Tony makes a small noise that sounds like your name and you turn your head. “Let me do this. Let me keep you safe.” You turn back to Schmidt. “That’s what you want, right? You can have me, if we leave now.”

This time when he considers your offer, Schmidt grins. He fists his fingers into your hair again and pulls you to your feet. “You drive a hard bargain, leibchen, but I accept. Kommen sie(4).”

You spare a quick glance at Tony before you let Schmidt lead you away. “Where are we going?” You ask softly. He pushes the pistol into your side and walks with you toward the elevators.

“I have a helicopter on the roof, leibchen.” He presses the button as you survey the damage around you. Glass is broken everywhere and concrete lays in destroyed piles on the ground.

“You and I are going to disappear for awhile.” You shudder as he pushes you into the elevator. “We have much to discuss.”

Your thoughts move sluggishly as the elevator climbs. Steve is dead. You’ve lost him, all over again. The man you love, the man you intended to spend your life with, is dead. It doesn’t matter what Schmidt does to you now. Your life was over the second he told you Steve had been murdered. 

The dinging of the elevator brings you crashing back to reality. With a small sob, you step out onto the roof. The wind whips around your hair as you step closer to the chopper.

“Just a few more feet,” Schmidt pushes you forward, making you stumble. “And you’ll finally be mine.”

An agent reaches down to grab you. When his fingers wrap around your arm, a sudden shot rings out and the agent pitches forward. You scream when he falls to the ground beside you. Schmidt turns and angrily attempts to push you up. 

“Get your Goddamn hands off her, Schmidt!” _That’s Steve’s voice_. You’re as sure of that as you are your own name. 

You wrench yourself away from Schmidt and whip yourself around. Steve limps toward you, looking beaten and bloodied. But it’s Steve. He’s alive. 

You manage to take a step forward before searing pain assaults you. Glancing down, you watch Schmidt pull a knife from your side before climbing up into the chopper. You press your hand to the side of your stomach and stare up in confusion.

Everything moves too quickly and you sink to your knees, unable to draw steady breaths. You hear one more gunshot and Steve is at your side, pushing your hair from your face.

“You’re alright sweetheart, I’ve got you.” He promises. “You’re safe.”

 _How is Steve here? Am I dead?_ You feel him wipe away the tears on your face and gently lift you off the ground. “Stevie?” You ask in disbelief. “He, he said you were dead.”

“Schmidt lied.” Steve smiles at you softly. “Son of a bitch tried, but I’d never leave my best girl behind.” He moves slowly, wincing with each step until he’s in the safety of the elevator. 

“Is Tony?” You ask, feeling the warmth of darkness threatening to take over. You try to grab his hand and gasp from the pain of the wound in your side.

Steve nods, “We got him, he’s safe. You kept him alive.” He holds you until the elevator dings. You hear more voices speaking quickly and with panic, but you’re in too much pain to focus.

***

When you wake up, your first instinct is to panic. _What happened? Steve’s alive? Did Tony survive?_ You gingerly push yourself up and wince when you tug at the stitches in your side. Glancing around in confusion, you try to steady your breathing.

Schmidt doesn’t have you. You’re in the medical bay in the Avengers Tower. You’re safe. A groan to your right makes you quickly turn your head. Tony lays in the bed next to yours, his chest is covered in bandages and a cast elevates his left leg from the bed. 

You carefully slide out of bed and sit on the edge of his. “He... hey, Ace.” Tony whispers, his voice cracking as he speaks. He quirks up the side of his mouth in a small grin. 

You let out a breath of relief. “Tony, you’re alright.” You stare at the extensive damage done to his body and feel tears well in your eyes. “Well, not alright. Tony I’m so sorry -”

“Don’t,” Tony protests weakly. “I’m alive because of you.” He struggles to push himself up a bit and meet your eyes. “You know as well as I do, that bastard would have killed me. He had no reason to keep me alive.”

“But look at you,” you argue, wiping away your tears. “You’ve never been so hurt and I…” You trail off, unsure what to say. You can’t look at him, knowing that all this damage is because of you. 

“I’ve been through worse,” Tony tries to laugh, letting it choke off when he clutches his side. “The point is, I lived. This will heal.”

You can see him gesture to his injuries out of the corner of your eye. “I’ve never in my life been more grateful that you didn’t listen to me. Hey, Ace. Look at me, please.” 

You tilt your head to glance up at him. He’s blinking away tears himself. “You are the bravest person I’ve ever met, squaring off against that son of a bitch without any protection. There is no way I can ever repay you for facing him to keep me alive.”

Tony pauses and wipes his face. “Especially when you thought Steve was dead.”

“Tony, I would have done _anything_ , you have to know that. I love you like family.” You push yourself up and stand closer to him. “I didn’t try to save you only because I thought Steve was -”

“I know that, Ace.” Tony interrupts. “I love you too, so I’m grateful just the same. Pepper is too, Steve called her a few hours ago.”

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, she’s outside, making a statement to the press.” At your confusion, he explains. “The compound was wrecked. Three bombs rocked the foundation, there was so much damage. We lost a lot of agents. Something like that doesn’t go unnoticed.”

He shrugs carefully. “Pepper, Steve and Wilson are trying to manage the media frenzy.”

“Steve?” You ask cautiously. “He’s..”

“He’s fine.” Tony assures you. “Took a shot to the leg. Through and through, but nothing a few stitches couldn’t fix. I’m sure with his super blood, he’s already healed.”

“Do you know what happened?” You ask him, checking your side when you feel the stitches tug again. “In his office?”

“I got the gist of it, but you’ll have to ask Cap for the details. Those agents did get the drop on him and Barnes. There was a scuffle, Cap took a hit to his right leg and Barnes took a hit in the arm. The good arm of all places.”

He rolls his eyes. “But they eventually took ‘em out and Cap came running to find us. Barnes pushed the debris off me while Cap took off after you.”

Your hand trembles when you rest it on the railing of his bed. “I was so sure. Schmidt knew Steve’s location, knew he was with James.”

“Ace, I believed it too.” He gently places his hand over yours. “I swear, when he came running in, I thought he was a ghost. I mean, blood loss will do that to a guy but I digress.”

You nod and take a shaky breath. “I can’t believe I almost went with that madman. Steve must be furious.”

“Yes but Ace, not with you. You did what you had to. Believe me, we’re furious that all of our safeguards and precautions were useless against that son of a bitch.”

Tony gingerly touches the repulsor wound in his shoulder. “You know if Steve really hadn’t made it, those of us that had survived would’ve scoured the globe for you. Right? We wouldn’t have stopped. Not till we had you back with us.”

You hear the door slide shut behind you and you glance to your left.

“Tony’s right,” Pepper agrees, walking toward you. The dark lines under her eyes betray her exhaustion but when she meets your eyes, hers are alert and full of fury. 

“I would’ve led the charge, I want the bastard dead for what he’s put you through.” She carefully embraces you, dropping her head onto your shoulder. You hear her sniffle and she looks up. 

“Thank you for saving Tony’s life.” She glances at him quickly. “He may be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I love him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“Pep,” Tony whispers with a small sniff. “Don’t make me cry, huh?”

“You almost died, Tony.” She scolds him softly. “I’ve cried plenty.”

You lean back and smile. “I love him too,” you tell her with a smile. “He’s certainly a handful, but I would have done anything to save him.”

“Hey, I’m not a handful! I almost died.” Tony gripes, making you and Pepper laugh. She walks over to the bed and kisses his forehead. 

“How’s your pain?” She asks him. When he makes the same joke about having been through worse, she rolls her eyes. Pepper turns back to you with a smile. “He’s gonna be fine.”

“Are you staying for a while?” You ask her as you carefully sit back down on your bed. 

She nods, leaning over to kiss Tony’s cheek. “The compound is going to need to be massively rebuilt. Tony and I will be working on plans as soon as he’s able. Steve is managing the government’s expectations of the Avengers while most of you are out of commission.”

She smiles kindly when she sees your eyes widen. “He was by your side until he had to step away for the press release. I know he didn’t want to, so he’ll be in as soon as he’s able.”

“I know he will.” You assure her. “I’m just glad to know he’s alive.”

“Tony told me, I can’t imagine how you were able to keep your head.” Pepper shudders as she walks to the door. “I know I wouldn’t have been able to.” She turns and smiles back at you. “I’m going to see if I can grab him. Let him know you’re awake.”

“Please.” You tell her, pulling the blanket over your lap. “I just need to see his face, you know?” She nods and slips out the door. You turn and smile at Tony, “She’s incredible. Managing the press and the rebuild? It’s like she’s a magician.”

He shakes his head, “I know. She says that she’s lucky to have me but honestly, I’m the one who’s lucky. I think I’d fall apart without Pepper by my side.” 

You chuckle and nod your head. “I don’t disagree, but I understand. I don’t know what I would have done if I lost Steve again.”

“You would’ve survived, Ace.” Tony points out, letting himself sink down a bit in his bed. “I wish you’d give yourself more credit. You are so much stronger than you think you are.” 

You thank him and lean back in your own bed. You really wish you could believe him. If the mere thought of Schmidt makes you shudder, you have no idea how that makes you strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Find the girl  
> (2) Come out, come out wherever you are  
> (3) Perfection  
> (4) Come


	59. Chapter Fifty-Nine

After the nurse comes in a second time, she administers pain medication to Tony and another round of antibiotics to you. Tony tries to keep conversation with you while you’re waiting for Steve. But after about twenty minutes, his eyelids start to droop.

“Anthony,” You scold him softly, “You’ve been through a lot. You don’t have to stay awake on account of me.” 

“I feel bad if I fall asleep on you, Ace.” He slurs, letting his head droop onto his chest. “I can stay awake.” You slide out of your bed and move to sit on the edge of his. You carefully rest your hand on his leg and smile at him.

“It’s alright, I can only imagine how much pain you’re in.” You sigh and glance toward the door. “Rest. Let your medication do its job.” 

Tony nods, resting his head back against the pillows. “You know Ace, this entire thing would fall apart without you.” He lifts his head and smiles at you. “Look at us. We’re a better team with you here.” You sit there for a minute, watching his steady breathing as he falls asleep. 

“He’s right, you know. You keep us all together.” 

You whip your head around at Steve’s voice and push yourself up from the edge of the bed. He’s leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

You quickly take stock of him and notice that he’s had to change clothes. The cuts and bruising you see marring his face have been tended to and appear to be healing quickly, but he still looks battle worn and weary. 

Steve uncrosses his arms as you wrap yourself around him. “Stevie.” You whisper, burying your face in his chest. He carefully closes his arms around you as he lowers his head to rest on top of yours. His chest is warm against your cheek as you use his steady breathing to even out your own. 

Knowing that Steve’s safe and alive is almost overwhelming. Quiet sobs rack your body as he holds you. “Shhh, it’s alright my love.” His voice is soft, a comforting balm, soothing your frayed nerves. “You’re safe now.”

You lean back sniffling and quickly wipe your eyes. “How did this happen?” Steve motions to your bed and you walk with him. You notice he’s still limping slightly, favoring his right leg. 

You carefully slide into your bed and let Steve sit as close to you as he’s able to. “How much do you want to know, sweetheart? There’s a lot of horrible.”

You swallow and look up at him, “I thought you were dead, Steve.” Tears slide down your cheeks again. “I can’t imagine anything more horrible.” He leans forward and wipes your tears with his thumb. 

“You will _never_ lose me.” He vows, threading his fingers through yours. “It will take a lot more than Schmidt to come between us. I promise you.”

You nod as Steve glances over at Tony before meeting your eyes. “Bucky and I were going over some decoding he had been working on when we heard the first blast. The other two came so fast, we weren’t prepared. I tried to get to you immediately but there was so much damage done to that side of the compound.” 

Steve runs his fingers through his hair. “Three agents ambushed us and while we got in a few good hits, I took a hit to the leg. Buck got hit in the arm, taking out the agent aiming at me.” 

“That’s what Tony told me.” You tell him. “I was so worried about you, I had… I had no idea if you were alright. What about the rest of the team? How are they? How many... casualties were there?”

“Sam and Natasha were here in the tower, Sam headed in as soon as the safeguards failed. Nat stayed behind to get back up. They didn’t know what they were walking into.”

His voice is even, purposely calm. ”Buck will be alright. Once they dug the bullet out, he was already griping about his _one good arm._ Phil has a few cracked ribs but he’ll be just fine.” 

“And the casualties, Steve.” You ask him urgently. “How bad was it?”

Steve leans forward, unable to meet your eyes. “We lost a dozen agents. Eight were killed defending the compound, the other four died as EMS were enroute.” 

You feel tears slip down your cheek again. “Stevie, we have got to end this.” He nods and hands you a tissue from the side table. “Schmidt’s not going to stop. I thought he killed you, he almost killed Tony, we can’t -”

“Sweetheart, I know.” Steve stands from the bed and starts to pace back and forth. “But I refuse to put you at risk again. Schmidt has made a liar out of me each time we face him. We’re never prepared and you always end up hurt because of it.” 

He quickly glances at you before turning his back to you again. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. was still able to record all security footage during the attack. What he said to you, what he made you do…” 

Even though Steve’s not facing you, his shoulders start to shake, a clear sign that he’s crying. “He made you believe that I was dead. He forced you, at gunpoint, to… to beg him to kill you instead of Tony. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I didn’t get to you in time. _Again._ You’ve got the damn stab wound to prove it. No one wants that bastard dead more than I do. I just...” He trails off as he turns back to face you.

You shiver, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I didn’t know you saw everything, Steve, I’m so sorry. Please don’t be upset with me, I just didn’t know what to do.” You stare up at him. “We were defenseless. I… I couldn’t let Schmidt kill him, I couldn’t.”

You wipe away more tears with the tissue he’s given you. “I already thought that you and James were dead. I refused to lose Tony as well. He was trapped and Schmidt, he… he wanted me. I would've said anything, done anything to keep from losing one more person to that monster.”

Steve crosses the distance quickly and cups your face with both hands. “I am _not_ upset with you, darling. You’ve been braver than you should have ever had to be.” You nod, not trusting yourself to speak. “I love you so much.” He whispers reverently, moving his fingers to your hair.

“What do we do now?” You ask him, softly. “The compound is in ruins. How did he even get through the safeguards?”

Steve leans back, settling himself down next to you. “We hunker down here, heal and regroup. That’s number one. Tony is seriously out of commission for a while and each of us has a bit of time before we’re ready to retaliate.”

“We can’t let him get away with this, Steve.” You start to push yourself toward the edge of your bed. “He destroyed our home, tried to destroy us. We -” 

He stops you with a shake of his head. “The compound can be rebuilt, sweetheart. Safer than before.” You hear his phone chirp but he ignores it as he continues talking.

“Pepper and I have been discussing new security measures and fail safes. We think Schmidt hacked Tony’s tech when he manipulated the gauntlet for his own use.”

“I saw him retract the glove into his ring, like Tony does with the arc reactor.” You shake your head, remembering that clearly. “So you think that because he was able to create his own version of the reactor core, he was able to shut down any protection we had?”

“I do.” Steve crosses his arms. “I haven’t been able to run my theory by Tony yet, but I have a feeling that he’ll agree with me.”

He glances over to the other bed. “Pepper tells me that she’s already drawing up plans to rebuild with more aggressive protections in place. I never would have imagined that we'd need to but now we can be proactive.”

“She told me the same thing.” You agree. “Let's be honest, Tony has more than likely been thinking of it since he got here.” You both chuckle and fall silent for a moment. “Steve?” You ask and his eyes move to meet yours again. “How are _you_?”

“I’m fine.” He answers, smiling tightly as he finally looks down at his phone. “I’m needed in the press room. There’s so much work to do, I can’t let myself -”

You reach out for his hand. “ _Steven_.” He lets out a long shaky breath and shakes his head. He knows he can be honest with you, you’d never fault him for it.

When Steve does speak, his voice is barely above a whisper. “I feel like I’m barely holding it together. Fury wants answers, so does the Government. Everyone demands to know what I’m planning to do about this, about Schmidt. How we plan to fight back. ” 

Steve looks up at you, his cobalt eyes showing every bit of exhaustion he’s hiding. “And I honestly don’t know. The realization that I was seconds away from losing you to him keeps replaying in my mind. It’s all I can think about.” He absently runs his thumb over the back of your hand.

“We were vastly unprepared. Tony could’ve died. If Buck and I hadn’t reacted as quickly as we did, one of us may not have made it.” He runs his free hand down his face in frustration.

“There’s so many families grieving and we need to take care of them. I know Pepper has the rebuild handled but there’s so many unanswered questions and sweetheart, I’m terrified.” You squeeze his hand reassuringly.

“I know I need to be strong for everyone. I need to present a unified front but I’m spinning my wheels here, there’s never been an attack like this at the compound. Especially by a monster with a vendetta against _me_. So in the back of my mind, Schmidt is there, reminding me how close I came to losing the woman I love and the people I care about, _again_.”

“It’s going to be alright, darling,” you assure him softly. “You said it yourself, the compound will be rebuilt. In the meantime, we will be safe here.” You lean forward and gently touch his cheek. “The rest? You do _not_ have to handle alone. You and I are a team, I will handle the funding and organization for the families as soon as I’m cleared to leave here.” 

Steve nods as you continue. “You tell Fury that you don’t have answers yet. He wants them? He can actually find Schmidt so we can get ahead of him for once. The government just needs to know that we are developing a plan of attack. You and James are brilliant strategists. Loop him in and make sure they all know that he’s been decoding Hydra files for months.”

You cross your arms, letting yourself feel more confident with each decision. “We’re hurt yes, but we are certainly not finished. What did you say to me earlier? _You will never lose me?_ I couldn't say it better myself. What we have is stronger than anything that bastard throws at us. Darling, Schmidt may think he’s won but we will survive this the way we’ve survived everything else. _Together_.” 

Steve’s lips twist into a genuine smile. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You both hear a knock on the door as he leans forward to kiss your forehead. You close your eyes and let out a soft sigh. _Everything will be alright. It has to be._

Bucky slips in as Steve stands from the bed. With his right arm in a sling, he carefully shuts the door behind him. “When you didn’t answer your phone, I figured I might find you here.” He smiles in your direction. “Hey Harvard, how you feeling?”

“I’m alright, James. I’ll be out of here in no time. How’s the arm?”

He rolls his eyes. “I couldn’t get hit in the metal arm right? Woulda bounced right off. Instead, they got -”

“ _My good arm._ ” Steve finishes for him with a small laugh. He glances at you. “Told you he’s said it a few times.”

You stifle a giggle when Steve turns back to Bucky. “Well, when it’s the good arm, I suppose you’re allowed to be upset about it.”

“See?” Bucky gestures toward you. “She gets it!” He moves to stand at the end of your bed. “You’re needed downstairs, Steve. I know it’s the last thing you wanna do but.” 

“I know, I know. I’m coming.” Steve takes a deep breath and glances at you. “You’ll be alright here?”

You nod and gesture to Tony, who’s still asleep in the bed next to yours. “I’m fine, I’ve got Tony to keep me company.”

Both Steve and Bucky laugh with you before Bucky smiles and slips back out the door. Steve steps forward and softly kisses you. “I’ll come back up as quickly as I can, I love you.”

“I know, I love you too.”

***

As much as you love the tower, you miss the sense of normalcy the compound gave you. You and Steve have been moving non stop for the last couple of weeks. Steve spends most of his time in Tony’s main office, fielding calls from military officials and Director Fury. 

When he’s not with them, he’s with Bucky and Sam strategizing a plan to get ahead of Schmidt. He’s spoken to more members of the press than you can fathom. Each time, he keeps a cool head and repeats only what Tony’s press team advises him to say.

You lead the charge on funding and assisting the families that lost their loved ones in the attack. You personally work with the funeral homes to ensure the highest attention to detail. You attend press conferences with Steve, refusing to hide from Schmidt any longer. Each night, you both return to your room exhausted but grateful for each other. 

When you aren’t doing that, Tony asks you to lend your opinion to the house renovation in Malibu. “I’m gonna kill two birds with one stone.” He had told you with a sly grin. “Besides, it’s not like I can do anything else right now with this broken leg and busted up shoulder.” 

You’ve given your opinion on practically every room in that house. Which Pepper has expressed her immense gratitude for, citing that a _woman’s touch_ is needed. 

This time, as you and Steve have a few moments before he’s due for a briefing downstairs, Tony asks which of the three master bathroom options you like best.

“I prefer the one with the large tub.” You point to the first picture with the spa sized tub built up on a platform. “But that’s just me. I know Stevie prefers showers, so really it’s whatever you and Pepper like.” 

“That shower in the second one is what I’d pick.” Steve offers. “Tony, you think you’d like a combo of the two?”

“Stevie, that shower is huge. You could fit us three,” You stare down at the picture. “Plus James in that thing.” 

“We’re _now_ all showering together?” Bucky grins as he stands in the doorway of Tony’s office. “I mean, not what I had imagined when I asked back in ‘43.” 

“Excuse me?” Steve whips his head around and narrows his eyes. “Asked her _what_?” 

“James, don’t forget that when you asked me that, you almost broke your nose on the dashboard of Dottie’s car.” 

Steve side eyes you with an incredulous expression. “Again, what?” 

“Would you look at the time!” Bucky holds up his metal arm, showing that he’s clearly not wearing a watch. “That press conference…” 

“Yeah, it can’t happen without me.” Steve retorts, crossing his arms. “So, one of you needs to explain.” 

Tony leans back in his chair, pointing at Steve with his pen. “I’m with Cap, I need an explanation.” 

“Well,” You shrug, recalling the memory. “James had just started seeing Dottie and had apparently spent the night without me knowing. Which was odd, because those two were _not_ usually the quiet type -” 

“Hey now.” Bucky interrupts with a chuckle. “It wasn’t my fault -”

You give him a pointed stare. If you had to count how many times the two of them had woken you up with their escapades, you’d need both of your hands plus everyone else's in the tower.

“Anyway, I was going to get ready for work and I opened the bathroom door and James was standing there, naked as the day he was born.” 

“She closed that door so fast and all I could do was laugh.” Bucky leans forward, holding his stomach as he tries to stifle his laughing. “Dottie laughed too if we’re being honest. She didn’t care, told you that you should’ve knocked with the door being closed.” 

“What does this have to do with his face meeting a dashboard?” Tony asks, motioning for you to keep going.

“I was getting there, learn some patience, Anthony.” You admonish, rolling your eyes. “Dot offered for me to give James a ride to the base since we were both going anyway.” 

“And I may have suggested that if she liked what she saw that I’d be down for a _ménage à trois_.” Bucky shrugs, casually glancing at Steve. “Which, her only response was to slam on the brakes.” 

Steve takes a second to absorb what he’s just heard. “Wait…” he starts laughing. “Is that why you showed up to base with a bloody nose?” 

“Yup. That was the day.” Bucky rolls his eyes.

“You told me that it was just because of the air pressure that day.” Still laughing, Steve leans forward. “I should have known something had happened when you pulled _barometer_ out of thin air!”

“Yeah well, didn’t want you knowing some dame turned me down like that.” 

“I wasn’t just _some dame_ , James. I was your girlfriend’s best friend.” Reaching over, you smack his leg lightly. “You should be thankful that that’s all I did. I could’ve told Dottie and your relationship would’ve been over so fast. Well, after she got Betsy out, of course.” 

Tony’s eyebrows fly up. “Ace, didn’t you say that Betsy was her -”

“Gun?” Bucky scoffs. “Yeah, it was and that girl was one Hell of a shot. Trained sniper over here and she put me to shame sometimes.” 

“I swear, Ace.” Tony laughs, gesturing to the three of you. “The more stories I hear about you four, the more I feel like you had this fantastic life before I even existed.” 

You let out a small laugh. ”Tony, we had to entertain ourselves.” You shrug. “What did you think we all did back in the ‘40s? Go dancing every night and wait for the air raid sirens?”

“On that note, I do actually have to deal with this.” Steve glances at Tony with a smile. “I think _Pepper_ would like the combo of the two bathrooms.”

Nodding, Tony starts making notes on his Starkpad. You stand and wrap your arm around Steve. “Have fun in the city, sweetheart.” He says, softly. “Please give Dr. Ryan my apologies that I’m missing this session.”

“I will.” You promise. “Just remember, deep breaths and the briefing will be over before you know it.” As Steve heads out, you smile at Tony. “Any other pictures for me?”

Tony stares down at his notes and shrugs. “Nah. The kitchen can wait until tomorrow, Ace. Go do your thing.”

Bucky holds out his metal arm for you and you both make your way to the elevators. “Thank you for taking me. I know the doctor’s office is much closer now but I still don’t like the idea of going alone.”

You press the button for the ground floor. “The city has changed so much since the ‘40s. I don’t exactly feel comfortable -”

He shakes his head. “I’m happy to do it.” He tells you as you watch the numbers fall. “It gives me a bit of normalcy, you know? Sometimes it's hard to imagine that I had a real life before any of this. When I was me again, I used to take Stevie’s bike into the city all the time and just ride around.” 

You stare up at him as he explains. “Being in the city because I wanted to be was the normalcy I needed. I felt like I was home.” He shrugs. “Then I’d go back, avoid everyone in the compound at all costs, and train with him. It was kind of like therapy for me.” 

Stepping out into the lobby, he smiles at you. “Speaking of, how long has Stevie been going with you? I’ve been meaning to ask him but it just never seems the right time.”

“He’s been coming with me almost since the beginning. At first, it was just to keep me company but after we faced Schmidt the second time, Steve and I talked about attending a few sessions with me.” Bucky holds the door open for you and you both slip out. You pause as you pass a group of reporters heading into the building.

“He’s been going ever since.” You tell him as you take a look around. “He said it’s helping him, having an outlet.”

Bucky nods as you both make your way down the street. “Good, I’m glad it’s helping _both_ of you.”

***

Halfway through your session, you hear the light patter of rain against the windows. By the time you’ve finished, it’s become a full rainstorm. You’re thanking Dr. Ryan as Bucky stands and makes his way over to you. 

Shaking the doctor’s hand, he introduces himself with a smile before she excuses herself back into her office. “Since neither of us brought umbrellas, I already called us a taxi.” He tells you, glancing out the window. “Let’s wait in the lobby until it gets here, huh Harvard?” 

“Good thinking, James.” You look out the window at the people scattering below. “I didn’t think it was supposed to rain.” Thankfully, you don’t have to wait long until you see a taxi pull up with the logo of the company that Bucky called. Quickly, you both hop in and shake off the rain.

“You call today for taxi?” The old man asks as he turns around. “Bozhe moy(1)!” He exclaims, glancing between the two of you. “I know you!”

Your eyes widen in fear and Bucky, fingers still on the door handle, growls out, “ _How_?”

The man grins, holding up a newspaper from his front seat. “I saw you in papers! You marry Captain America!” 

Bucky relaxes his grip on the door and allows himself to slide all the way in. “That’s her. So, Avengers Tower in Midtown, pozhaluysta(2)?”

“Ah! Ty tozhe po russki govorish'(3)?” The old man eases the taxi into traffic as you stare between the two men with a bewildered expression.

Bucky raises an eyebrow and coolly responds. “Fluently.” 

“You remember Russian?” You hiss, leaning over close to Bucky. 

He doesn’t move his eyes off the old man as he answers you. “The entire language, just wanted him to know that.” He glances at you quickly. “If he tries anything, I have three knives and a gun on me. We’ll be fine.”

“James, he is a seventy year old man, I hardly think that he'd, wait -” You twist to face him. “How did you get _three knives and a gun_ in the office? There’s metal detectors.”

Bucky shrugs his shoulders. “I have a metal arm, Harvard. They can’t exactly have me remove it, that’ll be awkward for -”

“You don’t look like Captain America.” The driver interrupts, talking over his shoulder. “He have strong jaw.”

“I’m not.” Bucky responds, flatly. His eyes move back to the rearview mirror and stay there.

The seconds tick by and neither men speak again. Feeling weighted by the tense silence, you speak up with a small laugh. “No, Captain America is very busy today. This is my friend, James. I had business in the city so he offered to -”

Bucky’s hand comes down on your leg, abruptly stopping you. “ _Harvard_.”

“What?” Whispering, you tilt your head at him in disbelief. “He asked me -”

He squeezes your leg. “ _No_.”

“I am Sergei.” The driver says with a small nod. “You enjoy today in city? Rain happen often in Moscow, remind Sergei of home.”

You turn your attention to Sergei kindly. “Is that where you’re from? Have you lived here long?”

“Family live twenty five years in United States.” He nods excitedly, as he switches lanes. His eyes move to Bucky through the rearview. “James, you man of little word. Vy byli soldatom(4)?”

“I was. It’s Sergeant Barnes, please.” Bucky replies, sitting up straighter in his seat. You understand his concern but you’re sure that the kindly taxi driver is just that.

Sergei nods at him. “Serzhant? Eto porazitel'no(5). He tips an imaginary hat at Bucky, making you smile. “Sergei serve ten years in Russian Military. United States have better forces, not good pay in Russian Military. You serve or go to prison.”

“That’s so interesting.” You answer, leaning forward. “You said you have a family here, do you have kids?”

“U moyego druga byl dlinnyy den'.” Bucky interrupts once more, holding up his hand. “U neye sil'naya golovnaya bol', poetomu ne mogli by vy svesti razgovor k minimumu(6)?”

“No, kazhetsya, tvoyemu drugu ne bol'no. Ona zadayet mne voprosy(7).”

“Ona ochen' vezhlivaya i ne khochet tebya obidet'(8).” Bucky glances at you for a second before looking back to Sergei.

Sergei nods in his direction and smiles knowingly at you. “YA proshu proshcheniya, serzhant(9).” 

You have no idea what he’s just said but Sergei turns his attention to the road and stays silent. “James, what did you do?” You hiss, whacking Bucky’s leg. 

“I told him you have a headache.” He whispers, leaning his head back. “Act like it, please.”

You let out a heavy sigh and turn toward the window. “We’re having words when we get out of here.” He doesn’t respond, making for an increasingly silent twenty minutes.

When the taxi pulls up to the tower, you practically hop out, leaving Bucky to deal with the driver and the fare. When he steps out, he watches the taxi pull away completely before he steps in from the rain.

“What was that about?” You ask him angrily when he’s within earshot. “That man was nothing but polite to us.”

“Harvard, you need to be more careful.” He scolds as you walk through the lobby. “You can’t trust anyone right now, you said it yourself that you didn’t feel comfortable being out there alone. That guy could’ve worked for Hydra. They were _everywhere_ , still are.”

You cross your arms as you step into the elevator. “James, he was an elderly man. I can’t imagine that he could be anything but sweet.”

Bucky turns and stares down at you. “Do I look like I’m capable of murdering over a hundred people, Harvard?” The question takes you by surprise and for a second, you don’t answer him. “That’s what I thought. And you know me, you trust me.”

You look down as he continues. “We didn’t know this guy, but he knew you. Right now, that’s tantamount to dangerous.” He rests a hand on your shoulder. “Wasn’t trying to upset you, but our main priority is keeping each other safe.”

As the elevator dings, you both step out. “I, for one, don’t want to have to explain to Steve that I let you get carted off by some old Russian man.”

“Please don’t, I’m pretty attached to her.” Steve laughs, turning the corner toward where you stand. “Do I want to know?”

Bucky shakes his head. “You don’t, trust me. Harvard is just too good at making friends. Honestly it’s a problem.”

You whip your head around and raise your eyebrow. “It _is_ a problem. If only I had been more choosy making friends back in 1943.”

“Life would’ve been so _boring_ for you.” Bucky argues, looking mildly offended.

You roll your eyes. “James, I think you’ve pronounced _quiet_ incorrectly.”

Steve doubles over in laughter as he reaches for your hand, leaving Bucky shaking his head in the hallway. As you round the corner, you both hear Bucky yell from behind you. “It’s fine Harvard, be that way. It’s not like you have me to thank for your relationship or anything!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of us had a similar interaction with a wonderful Russian cab driver while in Chicago, he was funny and sweet - making the ride to the airport go by quick... So, of course, we just had to let the reader and Bucky interact with someone just like him! 
> 
> (1) Oh my god!  
> (2) Please.  
> (3) You also speak Russian?  
> (4) You were a soldier?  
> (5) Sergeant? That is amazing!  
> (6) My friend had a long day. She has a severe headache, so could you keep the conversation to a minimum?  
> (7) But it doesn't seem to hurt your friend. She asks me questions.  
> (8) She is very polite and does not want to offend you.  
> (9) I'm sorry, Sergeant.


	60. Chapter Sixty

The movie credits are rolling by the time Steve looks up from his Starkpad. He’s been so engrossed in the dossier that he hasn’t realized it’s ended. With a small huff, he hits the power button on the tablet and lays it beside him on the couch. Unfolding his legs, he nudges you gently so he can stand. “The Wizard of Oz will always be a favorite -” 

Steve stops abruptly when he realizes you’re sleeping. Your head is tilted to the side, letting your face press against his shoulder. Soft strands of hair wisp around your face and fall in messy tendrils from the twist you had it styled in today. He smiles, quietly observing the steady rise and fall of your chest as you lay next to him.

Steve watches you for a moment and when you shift, your lips parting slightly from heavy sleep, he can’t quite believe his luck. After everything he’s had to sacrifice, he gets to have the love of his life here with him, right now. The two of you defied both time and circumstance and because of that, he gets to wake up with you safe in his arms. “How did I get so lucky,” he whispers. “That I get to have your love everyday?” 

You mumble, making Steve chuckle softly and lean over to press a kiss to the top of your head. “Hmmm.” You stir at his touch, readjusting yourself and lifting your head to stare at him with sleepy, heavy lidded eyes. “Stevie?” Your voice may be thick with sleep but he can’t imagine a moment where you’ve looked more enchanting **.**

“Go back to sleep darling, I’m just going to carry you to bed.” Steve slides carefully off the couch as you nod and let yourself drift back to sleep. Gently, he wraps his arms underneath your legs and wraps your arm around the back of his neck. He lifts you effortlessly, smiling as you snuggle into him. He thinks that he could live forever like this if he was able. 

These past months have been excruciating for both of you. Steve can’t count how many nights you’ve been asleep before he even gets to your shared room. Your eyes had lit up with excitement when he told you that he had cleared the community room for a long overdue date night. He kept it simple, dinner and a movie but it gave him the intimacy he was desperately craving.

So as he carries you to the elevator leading to your room, Steve refuses to think about the slew of conferences, calls and meetings tomorrow. 

Instead, he carefully studies the soft lines of your face, memorizes the flush of your cheeks and the gentle flutter of your eyelids. You’re perfect, a tailor made match for him and Steve couldn’t be happier.

When he’s feeling overwhelmed by the weight of the world’s expectations on him, Steve will close his eyes, take a deep breath and think of this moment. Everything around him may be chaos, but here with you, he finds himself centered and at peace.

***

Two days after Tony’s cast had come off, Pepper had knocked on your door and told you she was dragging him to the city to get married. “I’ve waited almost ten years and I’ve almost lost him more times than I’m comfortable with. So, we’re doing this.” 

You had laughed and asked what she needed from you. “Not a thing,” She reassured you. “Just make sure you and Steve are there. We’d like you to stand up with us.” You were flattered that she had asked and told her so with a soft smile. “You’re family.” She answered with a shrug and pressed a dress bag into your hands.

The ceremony had been brief but beautiful. How Pepper had managed to plan something so sophisticated in such a short amount of time astounded you. Her dress was simple, yet elegant, fitting her body like it was designed for her. Tony’s tuxedo was tailored to fit him perfectly. 

When you told him how handsome he looked, Tony had smiled and asked if he looked better than his old man. You had laughed and told him yes, Howard had nothing on him. He hugged you tightly and thanked you for always being there for him. “There’s no place I’d rather be, Anthony.” You assured him as you wiped away a few of his tears and your own.

Tony’s vows had brought more tears to your eyes, his words expressing so eloquently his love and admiration for the woman standing in front of him. The woman who stood by his side when it felt like the world was against him.

Pepper spoke of loving a man who cared so deeply for the world that he often lost himself to it. She promised to continue to love him even when he forgot how to love himself. Your eyes had met Steve’s then, mouthing ‘I love you’ from across the small space. 

You smile at the memory of watching Tony’s eyes glisten as the Justice pronounced them ‘husband and wife’. After the ceremony, Tony had surprised Pepper with three weeks on an island off the Greek coast, that he _owned_. 

She was ecstatic but in true Pepper fashion, had concerns of everything currently happening at the tower and the compound. Steve reassured both of them that the continued construction of the compound will go off without a hitch. “Tony’s given us all the information,” Steve had promised her. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, that’s not the only thing _I’m_ worried about, Cap.” Tony had leaned back from hugging you to raise an eyebrow. “Promise me that if anything happens, you’ll get a hold of me. I’m gonna be off the grid but we’ve got enough tech that a message will get through.”

Steve had clapped Tony’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, nothing’s gonna happen.” He had smiled down at you before glancing back up at Tony. “Go enjoy your honeymoon, Tony. You more than deserve it.” With another quick hug, Tony and Pepper had left to enjoy their well deserved break.

***

Steve holds open the door for you as you slip into the backseat of the waiting town car. “It was a beautiful ceremony, don’t you think?” He asks as he settles down beside you. “Pepper pulled that together quickly.” You nod and rest your head against his shoulder as the car pulls away.

“She’s an incredible woman,” you smile up at him. “I loved how small and intimate the entire affair was. You’d never know how little time she had to make it happen.” He shifts in his seat and peers at you.

“Is that what you’d like then?” Steve asks, reaching for your hand. “Something small? We could do that. Just a few guests, the people that matter.”

You think for a second, letting the options fill your thoughts. You and Dottie had talked about it a few times, when you imagined marrying Steve back in the 1940’s. Whether it was better to have an intimate gathering with just a few guests or have a grand affair and invite everyone you could to share in the excitement with you. 

Should you do something small? It’s what you’ve always wanted and you feel Steve had wanted that too. _But things are different now, aren’t they?_ Captain America deserves a grand wedding, something befitting the station of the hero he’s become.

You tell him that, keeping your eyes down, and he gently lifts your chin with his fingers. “Sweetheart, all that matters to me is that you and I are there.” He smiles kindly. “I’m not marrying the rest of the word, I’m marrying you. We could do it like Tony and Pepper if you wanted, all _I_ want is to watch you walk down that aisle and hear you say _I do._ ”

“Really?” You ask, twisting your body to face him. _How is this incredible man, mine?_ He nods and you lean forward, wrapping your arms around him as best you can in the car. You lean back and smile. “I wouldn’t mind a mixture of the two, I suppose. Nothing crazy but I’d like to be able to share the day with the people I love.”

Steve agrees, nodding his head once more. “We can talk to the newly appointed Mr. and Mrs. Stark when they get back. I’m sure Tony will be itching to plan something seeing as Pepper handled the reins on this.” 

“They are good together, good for each other.” You let out a soft sigh and glance out the window. “Do you think that people think that about us?” He stays silent for a second and you twist your head to stare at him.

Steve’s eyes meet yours as he threads his fingers through your hair. “How could they not? You make me strong, sweetheart. Everyone can see that.” He lifts his arm, letting you scoot underneath it and gently squeezes your shoulder. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you by my side these past few months.”

“We _are_ better together,” You agree softly. “Especially in times like this.” _In times of War_ , you think absently. “You’ve always given me courage, Stevie,” You tell him, resting your hand on his leg. “Courage to face the impossible and the courage to keep going when I didn’t think I could.”

He presses a kiss to the top of your head as you settle against him, your body curving perfectly to his. You stay that way, quiet and content, until you reach the tower. 

***

A week after the wedding, Steve asks if you wouldn’t mind popping up to the compound and checking on the final stages of construction. With the number of meetings he has today, there’s no way he can get away to sign off on the installation of Tony’s upgraded security system. 

“I don’t mind at all, darling.” You tell him, pinning your hair to the side in the small vanity of your shared room. He walks over and rests his hands on your shoulders with a smile. He places a quick kiss on the top of your head before grabbing his Starkpad from his side table.

He slides it open and pulls up the schematics you’ll need. “I’m sending them to you, all you’ll need to do really is sign off that the work has been completed.” He rests the tablet back on the side table and grabs his tie off the bed. He fumbles with it for a second before giving up and imploring you to help him. “Would you mind?” He asks sheepishly, lifting the ends of his navy tie.

You giggle and stand from the vanity. Quickly, you fix Steve’s tie, twisting it into an easy half- Windsor knot. You pat his chest gently, smiling up at him as you take a step back. “Perfect.” You grin, crossing your arms and appraising him top to bottom. 

Steve pulls you to him, nuzzling your hair. “I was going to say the same thing.” You lean into his touch, savoring the moment and listening to the steady rise and fall of his chest. “I asked Buck if he didn’t mind tagging along. I know you hate making long drives alone.”

You shake your head, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the drive _up_ , but the drive _back_ takes forever. So I’m grateful for the company.” You both glance up at the sound of knocking on the door to your room. “I’m assuming that’s James now.”

Pulling away from him, you quickly cross the room and open the door. Sure enough, Bucky stands in your doorway, holding a tray of coffees. He hands one to you with a smile before handing another over to Steve. “Figured we could all use some caffeine. And there’s so many shops around here now, I don’t mind the walk.”

You thank him after you take a small sip. With it being late November, the chill won’t have left the air by the time you leave the tower. You’re grateful for the hot drink. “Are you ready?” Bucky asks, leaning against the doorframe. You hold up a finger and press a quick kiss to Steve’s cheek.

“Don’t have _too_ much fun.” Steve says wistfully, grabbing his Starkpad and folders from the side table. 

Bucky watches as you pick up your bag and motion for him to follow you. “Harvard’s driving, I make no promises.” As you walk out of the room, he jingles a set of keys from the garage. “Figured we could take Tony’s Audi. He’s not using it currently.”

You grab the keys with a grin. “You know me so well.” You tell him as you press the down button at the elevator.

He laughs, watching the numbers fall. “I mean, after about eighty years, I should hope so.” 

***

The drive up was beautiful. You and Bucky made easy conversation and the views were breathtaking. After three hours however, you’re both grateful when you see the familiar side road that will lead you to the compound. You pull up, parking the R8 in the front lot near the main entrance. 

“It’s strange,” you remark softly, walking toward the doors. “The compound looks the same, but it feels completely different. Don’t you think?”

Bucky shakes his head, quickly pulling his jacket around him as the wind bites through the air. “Remember pre-war? Everything felt different once the war started, but nothing looked different. The city changed, life still went on.”

You both walk in and shake off the cold. Looking around, the interior looks sterile and brand new. You can almost imagine that nothing terrible has happened here but the further in your look, the more you remember the destruction Schmidt caused two months before.

As you fold your coat over your arm, three construction workers head in your direction. “We’ve been expecting you, the security panel is right down this way,” the shortest of the three tells you. Bucky heads off with the tallest gentleman to check on the completion of the munitions and shooting range. 

As the construction worker extends his arm, you ask if F.R.I.D.A.Y. is back up and running. “Not yet, ma’am.” He apologizes. “We’ll need Mr. Stark for that. Captain Rogers informed us last week that the Starks were on their honeymoon?”

“Yes, they are,” You agree, walking into the control room. “So I’m here in his place.” The sheer enormity of the new security system is overwhelming. You scan the room, recognizing many of the facets of the system in front of you. 

The gentleman begins explaining upgrades and adjustments to the compound's security and after about twenty minutes, you’re pleased with every new precaution Tony has taken. You sign off and ask a few follow up questions regarding response times and EMS notification. He makes notes and promises to get back to you. 

As you walk back with him, you see Bucky speaking into his phone in the lobby. Confusion mingles with fear in his eyes as you call out and ask if everything is alright. The color has drained from his face, leaving him pale and on edge. He shakes his head and motions for you to walk to him. “She’s here, Steve. Yeah, as soon as the chopper lands. We’ll see you soon.”

“James, what’s wrong?” You ask urgently, grabbing your coat from the table you rested it on.

He shrugs his coat on and turns to you. “There’s been a development with Schmidt. Steve wants us to get back to the tower immediately."

“And we can’t drive? I don’t feel right leaving Tony’s car here.” Bucky’s face twists into a desperate expression and your argument dies in your throat. “Alright, alright. We can always send someone for it after.” Whatever’s happened has clearly spooked him. You can see it in his eyes.

You both walk outside as you hear the whir of the helicopter. As you approach, the wind whips around you, making you jog toward the aircraft. When the pilot pushes the door open, you and Bucky quickly climb in and get yourselves secured in your seats. Bucky gives the thumbs up for the pilot to take off as you stare out the window.

Your thoughts race as you fly over the mountains and head into the city. What could have happened that made Bucky react like that? What kind of development had Steve come across that made him send up a chopper? 

The flight is a little over twenty minutes, plenty of time for your anxiety to skyrocket and dread to settle in your stomach. You can see Steve waiting as the chopper lands at the tower. You can see worry and panic clear on his face. The wind from the blades whips his hair around his face, briefly hiding his expression. As soon as you’re able, you and Bucky climb out and head in his direction. 

“What’s happened?” You ask, once the three of you are inside. Steve’s expression remains the same as it did out on the heli-pad. He tries to smile when he sees you but you can clearly see fury and fear reflected in the blue of his eyes.

Steve takes your hand as you stare up at him. “Schmidt’s made a move.” He walks with you to the elevators as he speaks. “I knew you’d be safe with Buck, but I wanted you both here, just in case.”

“Has he hurt anyone?” You clutch at Steve’s arm, afraid of the answer. He nods his head as he leads you and Bucky to the office he’s spent most of his days in lately. You gasp, covering your mouth and feel tears start to form as you sit down across from his desk. 

“This video transmission came through to S.H.I.E.L.D. about an hour ago.” Steve explains, motioning up to the screen. “It’s addressed to me directly but clearly Schmidt wanted as many witnesses as possible. I’m going to warn you, darling, it’s violent and he singles both of you out.” Crossing his arms, he leans against his desk and lets out a small sigh. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Please bring up the footage again.”

The AI readily complies, pulling up a grainy video with crystal clear audio. You and Bucky lean forward in your seats, trying to make out what you’re seeing. As your eyes adjust to staring at what looks like a public park, you feel a shiver of fear snake down your spine. Schmidt wouldn’t dare, would he? 

Before you can ask, you hear clear shots ring out in the video. It’s utter chaos; people screaming and yelling for loved ones, blood splatter everywhere. You close your eyes to the horror of it. Sensing your distress, Bucky slips his hand into yours to calm you. You open your eyes again when you hear Schmidt’s voice, dripping with derision. 

The video blacks out and all you can see is Schmidt’s sneering face. “I will continue to open fire wherever I choose, Captain. There is no telling where I’ll be or when I will make my next move. These deaths will keep happening, I will continue to attack so long as you remain alive.” You turn to Steve, who’s eyes remained trained on the screen. His body is rigid with tension, his shoulders set in a hard line.

“Let me prove my point. S.H.I.E.L.D., you know Aaron Jefferies,” Schmidt remarks, bringing a bound and terrified young man into view of the camera. “A good man, a good agent, I’m sure. Doing his job to uphold the values of all that is right and just. Due to the Captain’s defiance, I am going to shoot him the head.” 

You whip your head to the video and squeeze Bucky’s hand. Before you can look away, Schmidt does as he threatened, killing the man instantly. You cry out and clamp your free hand over your mouth in shock.

“Since a direct attack to your home failed to give me your compliance, Captain, perhaps this will. You continue to resist me, knowing the devastation I will reign down upon you. You know who I am, you know my blood, and you know what I stand for. No one will be safe. Not you, your teammates, and especially not your precious fiancée.”

Schmidt walks away from the body and turns back to the camera. “Submit to me, and these useless deaths will stop. You have the power to end this, if only you were strong enough to do what must be done. Now Captain, you have 24 hours to deliver yourself to me, _alone_ , or I will make good on my promise - starting with your sweetheart. 

“I was so close to having her all to myself when I convinced her you were dead. She was so broken and afraid, so compliant; the picture of perfecktion. I could have done whatever I pleased.” He grins, and the shiver of fear you felt crawls up to your chest making it difficult for you to breathe. 

“I have many ways of getting her alone. She does visit that wonderful doctor every Thursday, at 1400h, does she not? I have noticed that lately, she enters that room alone.” Schmidt lowers his voice, letting it take on an even more sinister affectation. “Perhaps I have one of my many followers capture her for me, ja? She has already met one of them. Captain, you should teach her to be more careful of strange men in New York City cabs.”

Your eyes widen in terror. _James was right._ You squeeze Bucky’s hand again, trying to get a grip on yourself. You feel him shiver when Schmidt speaks again. “Or should I start with the Winter Soldier? Sitting there in that waiting room, he makes an easy target. He’s not the threat he once was, now is he? I could have them both taken, it would be interesting to see which of them you’d try to save first. _Do not test me again._ ” 

The video ends as abruptly as it started, and you can feel yourself shaking from the horror of what he’s just said. Schmidt has agents everywhere, watching your every move. You glance at Bucky, who seems just as shaken as you are. Steve turns and quickly uncrosses his arms as you try to mask your panic. 

“I’m not going to let _anything_ happen to either of you.” Steve vows, moving to crouch in front of you. He glances at Bucky before grabbing your hand and gently kissing it. “I swear it.”

Bucky nods, leaning forward in his chair. “Yeah Stevie, I know that. I’m not worried about me. But this guy is _something_ , thinking that you’re just going to surrender yourself because he’s making a threat like that. He wants you dead and he’s trying to use Harvard and I to ensure you comply. I mean, S.H.I.E.L.D. must be all over this, right? Do we even know if he actually killed that guy?”

“I’ve already spoken with Fury,” Steve answers, shaking his head. “Agent Jeffries disappeared two days ago. We have no reason to believe he’s lying. And we know Schmidt doesn’t threaten, he promises. Fury doesn’t like it, but he agrees. I have no choice, I can’t let him continue to hurt people. I’m going to surrender myself and give him what he wants.”

“That’s out the question, Steve.” Bucky stands, abruptly. “Have you lost your goddamn mind?! He _will_ kill you. I mean, do you even hear yourself? This isn't some neighborhood bully, this is a homicidal terrorist. You can’t do this alone.”

“Buck, come on. You know -”

Your mind is racing; if Steve surrenders, you’ll lose him forever. But, if he’s not alone and you plan this carefully, you could end this. No one else has to get hurt. _No one else has to die._

“He won’t be alone.” You cut Steve off as he stares up at you, confusion written on his face. “We’re going to ambush Schmidt. We’d _finally_ have the upper hand.” You tell him, searching his eyes for comprehension. 

“You’re an honorable man Steve, if he tells you to come alone, he assumes you will. But if you’ve got us with you - James, myself, Sam, an army of agents? We could bring him to justice. End this nightmare.” Steve shakes his head and you cup his cheek. “Darling, I can’t let anything happen to you, or James. It’s the only way I see this ending without losing you.”

Steve stands and leans against the desk. “If we pulled off a full tactical assault...” He furrows his brow. “I think you may be onto something, sweetheart. We should call Tony and -” 

Bucky scoffs angrily, slamming his fists against the wall. “Have you _both_ lost your minds?” You jump at the sudden noise and turn to peer at Bucky. “This guy is insane. Each time we’ve fought him, we’ve had a full team and we’ve _barely_ made it out alive. _Neither_ of you should be involved.” 

He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I’m sorry, but what makes you think this time will be any different? We _don’t_ have Stark. So alone or with a group, it won’t matter. Schmidt will kill you both, _without hesitation._ We’re _not_ doing this. I’m not losing the only two people I have left, the two I care about the most.”

“James, please.” You stand and gently touch his shoulder as he turns back to stare at you. “You heard him, he will come after _both_ of us. Do you think I could bear to lose _you_ ? We have to end this. Schmidt won’t be expecting a full team. And he certainly won’t be thinking that I can handle being in the same room as him again. _This_ is how we win this, how we stop him.”

“Absolutely not,” Steve counters, reaching for your arm. “I will risk my own life a hundred times over, but I refuse to put _you_ in the line of fire, again. It’s too goddamn dangerous.”

“So is _you_ going by yourself.” You argue back, shrugging out of his grip. Too many people have lost their lives to this madman. You know it’s dangerous, you just can’t allow Schmidt to hurt anyone else.

Steve throws his hands up as anger courses through his tone. “Darling, I won’t be alone. You said it, I’ll have Buck and the team. But what choice do I have? If I do this -”

You whip around, crossing your arms in aggravation. “You aren’t doing this without me. At this point, I’m perfectly suited to distract him. You know he won’t be expecting to see me again. Schmidt will think that you’d keep me as far from him as possible.”

“Which is a great idea.” Bucky argues, leaning against the wall. “If you two attempt this, it’s going to end bloody for one of us and I wish I felt more confident that it’d be Schmidt. The two of you should sit this one out and -”

Steve moves towards his desk and reaches for his cell phone. “Okay, look, I’m going to call Tony and -”

You reach for his phone, swiping it easily. “Do _not_ call Tony. He deserves this break and we can do this without him. I have my suit, we’ll be fine.” Steve shakes his head, ready to argue and you carry on. “I mean it, Steven. Don’t bother him. Now get the team together, we have to go. We can handle this, we’ll be fine.”

“Famous last words.” Bucky growls, storming out of the office. “Tell me that again when I have to _bury_ one of you.”

Steve hasn’t moved, hasn’t backed down, which only annoys you further. You hand him back his phone, glaring up at him as you speak. “Steven Rogers, you can stand here and argue with me or you can do this _with_ me. But I’m _done_ letting Schmidt hurt people.“ 

You spin on your heel and head out of the room before he can protest further. “Whether or not you’re on that jet, wheels up in sixty.”


	61. Chapter Sixty-One

You’re grateful for the speed of the quinjet. What should have been a nine hour flight, made it to Germany in just over six. The flight had been tense with you, Bucky and Steve at odds. Natasha kept everyone prepping and going over your instructions; she seemed to be the only one on your side. When you told her what you were planning, she had leapt at the chance to help put Schmidt down. 

It felt strange for everyone to be taking their cues from you, but Director Fury had supported the idea of bringing a full team for a surprise attack. Now that you were inside the base, the teams were split into three groups. You and Steve were flanked by five additional agents. Bucky and Sam had five agents to support them and as much as you didn’t want to involve Scott Lang, he and Nat finished off your company with another five. 

You hadn’t argued with the Director when he demanded you bring all available personnel in the tower with you. You hadn't been keen on endangering any more members of the team but at the same time, you knew what Schmidt was capable of. Ultimately, you’d take all the help you could get. 

As your group moved carefully through the dark, Steve held up a hand to make everyone pause. “There’s something up ahead,” he whispered. “Proceed with caution.” He repeated the information into the comms system and motioned for your group to move.

“We just took out three of them.” Nat confirms through your ear piece. “Careful Rogers, there’s hidden tunnels and doors all over the damn place.”

“ _Great_ ,” Bucky responds through the comms. “As if we needed _another_ reason to think this a bad idea.”

Nat’s voice crackles through again and you can hear the smirk in it. “Someone’s salty. Come on Jimmy, don’t get bent outta shape cause no one voted on your plan, we got this. It’s gonna be fun.”

You can hear Bucky growl in response and despite the tense situation, you let out a small chuckle. Steve turns and motions for the group to get closer to him. “Stay sharp, Romanoff,” he orders. “Don’t antagonize him. _No one_ thinks this is fun.”

Steve’s voice is dripping with disdain. You don’t have to fully see his face to know that he’s still angry with you. _That’s fine_ , you think hotly, _he can be angry all he wants_. _You’re_ still angry with him and Bucky for giving you so much pushback about going after Schmidt like this. But you couldn't let Steve go this alone, he'd be killed. 

This was the only way. Everyone knew it, you were just the only one willing to admit it out loud. You don’t want to be used as bait, but you can’t deny that it would draw the bastard out. And this time, you have the numbers to ensure that nothing goes wrong. Bucky may be upset that you and Steve were putting yourselves in the line of fire, but he knows as well as you do that in times of war, _someone_ has to make the hard choices.

Suddenly you all hear shots coming through the comms. Steve calls out, asking for positions so he can assign additional backup. It’s silent for a moment so you pull down your faceplate and ask your suit for a thermal scan. Nat and Scott’s team is the one under fire. Four thermals are fighting with their group. 

You flip your faceplate up and motion to Steve. “It’s Nat’s team. They’re in the East corridor, four Hydra unfriendlies.” You tell him quickly. Steve nods and repeats that back into the comms. He motions to two of the agents in your company and they take off running. He turns his back to you and keeps walking.

“We’re already on it.” Bucky confirms, breathing heavily through the line. “But I won’t say no to additional backup. These pieces of shit keep multiplying.”

“Sir, what do we do?” A younger agent asks Steve. “Should we -”

Steve whips around, frustration clear on his face. “We stay our course and proceed. It’s too dangerous to split up any further.” His tone is decisive and final, making the agent cast his eyes down and continue walking.

“You don’t need to be so cross with them, Captain.” You whisper as you catch up to his long stride. “They are simply following orders. And it’s not them you’re actually angry with anyway.”

He glares down at you as you reach for his arm. “You’re right, I’m not angry with them.” He hisses. “I’m angry with myself for not listening to my own reason. There was no need to put all these men in danger. I should have done this myself and minimized the casualties.”

“And I would have lost you.” You counter, narrowing your eyes at him. “Do you understand that? You’d be dead.” 

Steve pauses and softens his gaze for a moment. “But you would be safe. You and Buck. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”

You open your mouth to respond when you hear more shots coming, this time from directly behind you. You both take off down the hall and into the melee of the fight. Steve immediately flings his shield in the direction of two Hydra agents running toward the group. It hits them both, knocking them down but they don’t stay that way long.

With your faceplate down, you can better assess the threat. Your suit tells you there’s five thermal signatures aside from the ones that should be here and there’s four more incoming. You quickly fire off a repulsor round at the agent pinning one of yours to the ground. 

He scrambles to his feet and grabs for his discarded pistol. The agent fires off two rounds right into his attackers chest. He nods at you in thanks and takes off back into the fray. You fire off more blasts at anyone your suit labels unfriendly, taking down two Hydra agents before they can move on Steve.

You aren’t fast enough to save another of your own agents as one of Hydra’s spins on his heel and shoots him in the back of the head. You can’t help the scream that rips out of you as he falls to the floor. Steve twists at the sound of your horror, pushing himself up from the agent he was punching. “I’m calling for backup,” you shout at him over the commotion. 

“No!” He shouts, rushing to you. “This is a goddamned trap. I’m not calling anyone else so they can die in this hallway.” You fire off another round over his shoulder, killing the agent aiming for you. “We have to take them.” He wipes the blood from his lip and turns away from you. 

After a few more minutes of fighting, you and Steve have eliminated another three Hydra agents, leaving four to advance on you and the one remaining agent you have on your side. Your suit has sustained damage to the chest, after using the Nano tech to create a shield to deflect the bullets being fired at you. The repulsor in your left hand is busted from stopping a bullet at point blank range.

Steve’s uniform has been torn in a few spots, leaving bloodied skin exposed. Aside from his split lip and those shallow cuts, he’s otherwise unharmed. Your one agent standing clutches his clearly broken arm as he scrutinizes the situation. “I don’t think we’re going to make it.” The agent croaks out, taking aim at the tallest of the four. “You two should make a run for it, while you still can.”

Steve shakes his head. “We’re not leaving you behind, Agent.” You nod in agreement and move to shield the man as another hail of bullets comes at you. A bullet hits the agent in the chest before you can fully protect him. He falls when you’re inches from him.

You only have seconds but you try to do something to help him. From the blood seeping from his mouth, you know the shot was a fatal blow. “ _Go_.” He orders weakly and you stand, firing off another shot. 

Thinking quickly, you grab Steve and pull him further down the hallway. He argues with you immediately, but with your suit you can match his strength. You see an opening up ahead and you both head into it. “We need to regroup and reassess before we can do anything else.” You tell him. “We can’t take anymore.” 

The second you both cross the threshold, you realize your mistake. A thick metal door slams down behind you, trapping you and Steve in the windowless room. The only illumination comes from the warning light, blinking red on the wall. 

Panic grips your chest as you realize that this was entirely your doing. You whirl around, searching for an exit of any kind. Your suit tells you that the room doesn’t exist on your map so you have no way to know where exactly you are.

Steve slams his fists against the door and struggles to find some type of seam to use as a pressure point. Finding none, he resorts to punching the metal until his knuckles bleed. “Shit!” He swears angrily before speaking into the comm. “Buck, can you hear me? Can anyone hear me? We sustained heavy fire in the North corridor, sublevel two. I think we’re trapped in a hidden room at the end of the hall. ” 

It takes a second but Bucky comes through, clear as a bell. “Nat and Wilson’s comms are damaged but Lang and I are heading to you now, Steve. Harvard, you good?”

“I’m fine, James,” you assure him. “We had three casualties, how is your team? And Nat’s?”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “Nat’s wounded, bullet through her shoulder and her leg. She’s lost a lot of blood. Sam’s got a hell of a concussion and a broken collarbone. We lost all our agents but two. We took out as many Hydra bastards as we could but, it wasn’t enough.”

Steve glances at you for the first time, sensing your distress. “There’s nothing we could’ve done.” He stresses, resting his hand on your shoulder. “We had our hands full here.” He turns away from you and speaks directly to Bucky. “If it’s safe, head to us. If it’s not, get out of here. Treat the wounded and call for backup.”

“Yeah, I’m not leaving you two behind.” Bucky retorts. “Just add that to the list of bad ideas today. I’ll radio as soon as I’m near.”

Steve thanks him and leans against the wall. He stares down at the floor, refusing to look at you. “Steve,” You start to repress your suit back into your watch and he snaps his head up.

“Don’t.” He warns you, shaking his head. “You’re safer in the suit. Even if it’s damaged.” You let the nanotech pull itself from your head, but leave the rest of the suit alone.

You examine the room you’re in, seeing nothing to identify its purpose and turn back to him. “Steve, please.” You plead softly. “I’m sorry. I know you’re upset with me but I never wanted this to happen. I honestly thought that -” 

He pushes himself off the wall and crosses the distance to you. “I’m not upset with you,” Steve admits, touching your face softly. “Not anymore. But you need to understand how completely terrified I am. We’ve already lost agents and sustained injuries to our team. We haven’t seen any sign of Schmidt and now you and I, the two he really wants, are trapped in this damn room.” 

He narrows his eyes as he examines the room before settling his eyes back on you. “I’m terrified sweetheart, terrified that we’re going to lose and terrified that I’m going to lose you.” He shakes his head. “Buck was right, I should’ve listened to him.”

You refuse to let your fear take over. You can feel it, simmering just below the surface. The team will get the door up and as much as you want to keep going, you’ll retreat if that’s what Steve tells you to do. You’re not going to push him any further after this. “Steve, I -”

“Guys, Lang and I are here.” Bucky informs you through the comms. “Just looking for something I can use as a lever.” The fact that you can’t hear anything on the other side of the door gives you cause for concern. _How thick are these walls?_ Steve moves closer so he can help if need be.

“Whatever you need, Cap, I can do it.” Scott calls out, sounding more chipper than anyone in a war zone should. 

You hear faint pounding on the door and realize that Bucky must be trying to punch his way through. “James, I don’t know how thick the door is but I think you’ll wear yourself out before you get in.”

“Let me try something,” Scott suggests. “I can get really small.” 

You and Steve glance at each other, waiting for something to happen. After about a minute of silence, Steve furrows his brow. “Lang, what did you try? Everything alright?”

“He’s shrunk himself down, Steve. Super tiny.” Bucky explains with a sigh. “But I don’t think it matters. We can’t find a seam to let him slip through. I’ve tried banging at it with your shield and my fist, maybe if we try to heat it up? There’s gotta be something in the jet that can help.”

“The metal will expand but I don’t think it’ll do any good if you can’t find a seam, James.” As you think it over for a second, you pat Steve’s arm as an idea forms in your mind. “The quinjet uses liquid nitrogen as a coolant for it’s superconductor.”

Steve nods, his mouth quirking into a genuine smile. “Yes! Buck, we’ll lose the ability to have low emissions, so we won’t be able to fly back in stealth mode. But the nitrogen should let you freeze the metal enough to crack it and break through.”

“Wilson brought Nat and the injured back to the jet. I’ll radio him and see what we can do.”

As you allow yourself to have a moment of relief, you both hear a hissing sound from inside the room. There isn’t enough light for either of you to discern its source but you can feel the air in the room start to feel thin. “Steve, what’s happening?” You ask, feeling the weight of your limbs as you move toward him. 

Sinking to his knees, Steve reaches for you. “I don’t know, sweetheart. Come here, it’s going to be alright.” You feel too tired to stand and allow your body to fold into Steve’s. “Buck,” he calls out weakly. “I think they’re flooding the room...knock out gas…”

“Steve?! _Shit_! Harvard?!” Bucky calls out, his voice filled with alarm and confusion. “What’s going on?” Your head is too heavy to answer. 

When you move your eyes to stare at Steve, he takes as deep a breath as he can and speaks into his comm. “Get them out of here…please, Buck. That’s… an order.” 

“I’m _not_ leaving you both here!” He yells in a voice seized with panic. Neither of you have the strength to answer him. As the room grows dim, you close your eyes and surrender to the oppressive weight of darkness.

***

“Steve? Can you hear me?” Bucky yells out through the comm. When he’s met with silence, he slams his fist against the door. The sound of metal clashing against metal reverberates through the hall. “ _Shit!”_ He swears as he turns around and stares down the corridor. 

Expanding himself back to normal, Scott rips his helmet off. “What’s happening? Are they going to be alright? They aren’t d- ” 

“Don’t even say it, Lang.” Bucky warns, running a hand through his hair. “We’re going to get through that damn door.”

Scott stares at the door then shifts his gaze to the carnage behind him. “Yeah, I hear you, Barnes. But we’re in no shape if there’s another attack. We should get the wounded back to New York and come back with reinforcements. We’re sitting ducks out here.”

Bucky can feel his well guarded control starting to slip. Scott isn’t wrong but Bucky knows the probability of his two best friends surviving drops the longer you’re both behind that door. “Go back to the plane, Lang.” 

“And do _what_ exactly?” Scott asks, letting his own frustration show. “Wilson and Agent Romanoff are too out of it to fly the jet. You’re it buddy, you’re in charge right now.”

“Check on them, Lang. I’m going to get this door open.” When Scott doesn’t move, Bucky raises his voice. “Now! We’ll be right behind you.”

Scott sighs, glancing at the door and Bucky’s frantic expression before turning and jogging down the hallway. Bucky lets out a low growl and resumes slamming on the door. Despite his best efforts, he doesn’t even make a dent.

At least half an hour has passed by the time Bucky stops his efforts. His chest heaves with heavy exertion as he wipes away the sheen of sweat off his face. “Barnes,” Sam’s voice crackles through. “It’s pretty bad in here but I can try to help. You gotten anywhere?”

As Bucky opens his mouth to answer, he hears the shrill beep of an intercom. Quickly he covers his ears and leans against the wall. “If you value the lives of your surviving comrades, I would abandon your futile efforts, Sergeant Barnes.”

Bucky whips his head up in confusion. _It must be Schmidt,_ he guesses. _But where the hell is he?_ He twists around quickly, searching for the source of the voice. “Where are you, you son of a bitch? How do you know -”

The voice in the intercom chuckles, stopping Bucky mid sentence. “How do I know who you really are? Come now, Barnes. Do you really think I wouldn’t learn the true identity of the Winter Soldier? Beleidige mich nicht(1). I know my enemies, can you truly say the same?”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky grinds out, pacing back and forth in the hall. Sam crackles through again and Bucky shushes him, telling him to wait just a second.

“You can stop searching for me, Soldat.” Schmidt calls out. “You won’t find me. However, if you do not leave this base in the next five minutes, my cannon will destroy your jet and end the lives of your team.”

Bucky pauses, quickly running through his options. If he leaves now, he’s terrified that he won’t be able to save the two people he cares about most. But if he doesn’t, he risks taking the lives of five innocent people -

“Time’s running out, Soldat. It’s almost four minutes now. I have the Captain and his precious fiancée. There’s no need for further bloodshed.” When Bucky hesitates, Schmidt sighs. “Are you willing to risk yourself and five innocents just to save the Captain? _Do not test me._ ”

 _Of course I’d risk myself. A hundred times over._ But Bucky can’t ask this of anyone else. Scott’s got a kid for Christ’s sake. _Fuck._ He takes off down the hall, running in the direction of the jet. _“_ This isn’t over.” He swears as his boots thud on the cement. “I swear to God, we’re going to end you.”

“The Captain and his sweetheart are not long for this world, Soldat. I’m afraid they won’t be alive to assist you in fulfilling that threat.”

Schmidt’s words try to paralyze him with fear but Bucky pushes on, too afraid that he won’t make it to Wilson and the team if he stops. “Sam,” he calls. ”Start the engines, we gotta go, _now_!”

Bucky pushes through the doors as Schmidt’s low chuckle echoes through the corridor. He forces himself to move just a little faster, they must only have seconds now. As he flies up the ramp, he screams for Sam to close it. He flings himself into the pilot’s seat and pushes up on the yoke to get them as far from here as fast as he can. 

“Where’s Cap?” Sam asks, walking over as they reach the proper altitude. “Where’s -”

Bucky shakes his head, struggling to even out his breathing. “I couldn’t get them out. And that son of a bitch threatened to blow up the damned plane if I didn’t leave.”

“He’s going to kill them.” Sam responds, running his good hand down his face. “Shit, this is so bad. What are we going to do?”

Bucky lets out a shaky breath and swivels his chair around. “ _We’re_ not doing anything. You guys are in rough shape, the _only place_ you’re going is to the med bay. _I’m_ going to get ahold of Stark and _I’m_ going back.”

“He’ll damn well kill you too, you know that.” Sam groans, using the side of the co-pilot's seat to support himself. “You don’t even know what you’d be walking back into. Come on man, you know I don’t want to think that way but the two of them could already be dead by the time you get back to them.”

Bucky rises from his seat quickly, feeling what's left of his control shatter. _Steve and Harvard are my best friends_. “Stark and I will get them out.” _Or I’ll die trying._ He storms off toward the communications panel before Sam can get another word in.

He knows the first thing he’s got to do is radio the Tower. Someone there can find Tony, they have to. Once he’s back in the states, he’ll rally up as many agents as he can and storm that damn base.

Sam and Scott listen intently as Bucky rattles off the report of the mission to the first agent he speaks to. Once he’s impressed upon them the importance of reaching the Starks, he ends communication and leans back in his seat. He can feel his real hand shaking from the stress of the situation as Scott leans forward. “So Chief, what’s our next move?”

Bucky squeezes his hand in a fist to steady the shaking and lets out a deep sigh. “Lang, I just need a minute. Alright?” _I’ll find Stark and everything will be fine._

***

As soon as he’s dropped off his injured teammates and refueled, Bucky takes off toward the coordinates Coulson has given him. Of course, Tony has to honeymoon on a private island. _He’s a damn chip off the old block._ He was hoping that he’d have more than coordinates to go off of once he landed, but Bucky will take what he can get. 

Bucky makes the flight alone; his mind’s too keyed up and panicked to attempt further conversation. Plus, he knows he’ll have to do plenty of talking once he lands. Tony won’t be pleased to see him.

He slams his hands on the yoke, letting all his frustration explode now that he’s by himself. _God dammit Steve, why didn’t you listen to me?_ He leans back and closes his eyes for a second. He should've pushed you both harder to reconsider. Bucky knew how dangerous this would be and he let you do it anyway.

 _Not like I really could’ve stopped either of them. Harvard’s just as bad as Stevie is. Both of them are so damn willing to lay down their lives to stop this bastard._ Bucky rolls his eyes. Even though Tony’s on his honeymoon, Bucky knows that he’ll drop everything and help save the two of you. He just hopes that Steve can hold Schmidt off long enough.

Soon, Bucky has to announce himself to Greek airspace and request permission to land at Tony’s hanger. At least it’s a private hangar and with S.H.I.E.L.D. credentials, he shouldn’t have any issue getting through to someone in charge.

Once the plane is safely on the ground, Bucky catches his reflection in a shiny part of the plane’s interior. His face is still smeared with blood, some of it his own, and bruising along his jaw is starting to blossom and darken. He doesn’t have time to clean himself up; his only priority is finding Tony.

Bucky steps out into the brilliant light, meeting three security guards on the ground. “I work with Mr. Stark. It’s an emergency, I need to find him.” The men nod and quickly speak to each other in Greek. _Great._ “Do you speak English?” He asks, feeling his patience wear thin. 

No one answers him and he shakes his head in frustration. He raises his hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he asks again. ”I do, Mr. Barnes. I’m head of security for this Island.” A middle aged man answers from Bucky’s right. “Is Mr. Stark in danger?” 

“Not Mr. Stark.” Bucky corrects, not bothering to ask how this man knows who he is. Tony has files on _everyone._ “Two of his teammates. Please, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t urgent.”

The man nods and gestures to the interior of the hangar. “Come with me, he’s on his yacht right now, but I can radio them in.” Bucky follows him to a jeep parked inside. “We’ll meet them at the docks.”

It’s a short ride to the water but for Bucky, it feels like forever. As he approaches the waters edge, he can see Tony’s yacht taxiing in from the water. He thanks the head of security and climbs out of the jeep. Against the sunlight, it’s hard to see anything but the blinding brightness of the boat. 

Tony comes into view as he stands, arms crossed, on the deck. He doesn’t look pleased and when he hears what Bucky has to say, he’s going to be furious. Bucky feels the heavy weight of anxiety settle in his stomach as a dockworker attaches a walkway for Tony to meet him on land.

“I gotta be honest Barnes, not who I expected to see.” The man laughs as he steps onto the dock. “You’ve lucky I put shorts on, I was naked as the day I was born five minutes ago.” As he gets closer, Bucky can tell that Tony’s scanning over his bruised and bloody face, even behind the sunglasses he’s wearing. “Why are you here, _covered in blood_?”

Bucky rolls his eyes. Any other time, he’d encourage this sarcasm back and forth. But not today. Not with yours and Steve’s lives on the line the way they are. “Schmidt has them both.”

“ _What?_ ” Tony hisses, ripping off his sunglasses and closing the distance between them. “ _What the fuck happened?_ ”

“Schmidt made a move,” Bucky explains quickly. “I’ll fill you in on the way. Please Stark, I know you’re on your honeymoon but we don’t have a lot of time.”

Tony swears again and turns to look up at the yacht. “I have _nothing_ here. I’m assuming you didn’t think to grab a suit for me?” When Bucky shakes his head, Tony rolls his eyes. " _Shit._ Alright, let me throw real clothes on. I’ll be right down.”

True to his word, Tony is back within minutes. Bucky is already waiting in the jeep when he walks up. “What did you fly here?” He asks, sliding into the passenger seat. 

“A quinjet.” Bucky answers, leaning forward to get closer. “Why?”

Tony rolls his eyes again before answering. “Because all I have is a luxury plane here. It’s not designed for speed and _now_ we have to stop in New York.”

Bucky doesn’t argue with him. In fact, he stays silent until they’re up in the air. It’s tense in the small space but once it’s safe to turn on auto pilot, Tony twists in his chair. “So what the fuck happened, Barnes?”

“Schmidt sent a video. It was pretty gruesome; the bastard opened fire in a park and killed a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent on screen. If that wasn’t bad enough, he threatened Harvard and he threatened me. If Steve gave himself up, the killing would stop. We fought over it, Steve was going to go alone and surrender to him. Harvard -“

Tony cuts him off, quick and angry. “ _What the fuck_? And no one thought to call me?” Bucky opens his mouth to answer as Tony talks over him. “So obviously you fucking went. How’d it go wrong?”

Bucky sighs, leaning forward in his chair. “We had everyone with us; we split into three groups to divide and conquer. Then we were ambushed, each group. It was planned, it fucking had to be. It went south too fast. The two of them got locked in a room and once I got to them, they stopped answering me. I’m not sure what happened. I don’t -”

“You fucking left them there? What the hell is wrong you, Barnes?” Tony runs his hands through his hair. “How could you have been so reckless, so damn stupid?”

Bucky stands, letting his temper rise. “And what would you have done, huh Stark? I didn’t want to leave. But if I didn’t, Schmidt would’ve blown up the quinjet. With Wilson, Lang, Nat and two other agents inside. Steve wouldn’t want that, Harvard wouldn’t want that.” 

“They can’t want _anything_ if they’re dead.” Tony hisses, letting his fear show through his anger. “You better hope that we make it in time to save them both. If we don’t, you’re going to wish you had never woken up from that fucking cryochamber. It would've been a safer alternative for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Do not offend me


	62. Chapter Sixty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins....

Your head feels heavy when you start to open your eyes. You hear Steve calling your name but he sounds miles away. You blink a few times, struggling desperately to make your eyes focus, to cut through the hazy fog you feel. “Steve?” Your voice cracks, sounding raspy and hoarse. 

“Sweetheart, I’m here.“ He whispers, his voice equally hoarse. “Try not to panic. How’s your head?” 

You try to twist your body to find him, but realize with growing horror that you’re shackled to the chair you’re sitting in. You stare down at your chest and legs, seeing the brown and blue of your tactical uniform, not your nano suit. You were wearing it when the gas knocked you unconscious.

With your wrists trapped the way they are, you don’t see your watch anywhere on your arm. Without that, you have no way to call your suit to you. You start to panic, despite Steve’s soothing words, as your helplessness has a gruesomely familiar feeling to it. 

You tug at your arms, trying in vain to loosen the bindings and feel fresh terror start to set in. _Schmidt has me again. Schmidt has me and now he has Steve._ “Steve, where are you?” You call softly, trying to steady your voice. _This is my fault._

The lights in the room are still dim making it hard to see anything past your own legs. You can feel your chest tightening from the anxiety of the situation. “I’m right behind you, darling.” Steve tries to comfort you. “It’s going to be alright, we’re going to be fine.” 

You crane your neck as much as you can to see his profile from the corner of your eye. _Of course he’s trying to comfort me right now._ “I don’t see how it’s going to be. We’re shackled to these chairs and my suit is gone. Schmidt could walk in here any minute. We’re helpless, we both know what he -”

“Shh, the rest of the team got out. They’re going to come back for us.” Steve reassures you. “Buck will get help. He’ll get Tony. We just have to hang on till then.” 

You shake your head. “What can one man do against Schmidt? We had a full company and his soldiers, oh god, his soldiers killed so many of our agents. We can’t… we aren’t going to get out of -”

" _Yes, we are_.” Steve promises you. “I swear on my life, sweetheart. I am going to get you out of here.”

“That is not a promise you are in _any_ position to make, Captain.” You jump, startled by Schmidt’s sudden voice in the room. You can’t stop the shiver that runs through you when you see him push himself off the wall to your left. “Neither of you will be leaving this room alive.” You blink, trying to rapidly adjust your eyes to the bright light flooding the room. 

“You’re the only one who won’t be leaving here, you son of bitch.” Steve snaps, letting his anger color his tone. 

Ignoring Steve, Schmidt takes a step toward you. You push yourself as far back against the chair as you’re able. “Liebchen, how I’ve missed you. It’s a pity we have the Captain with us right now, what I wouldn’t give for some _alone time_ with you.” His fingers trace along your cheek gently. “Like old times, no?”

“Stay away from her!” Steve threatens, struggling against his bonds. “I’ll die before I let you lay a hand on her! Your issue has always been with me, Schmidt. You leave her out of this.”

“How nice, we both want the same thing.” Schmidt leans away from you and smiles viciously. “But you’re right, Captain. She has her role to play, of course, but my issue _has_ always been with you.” He steps out of your line of view as he chuckles. “I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time.” 

Schmidt’s fist connects with Steve’s jaw, knocking Steve’s head back into yours. He lets out an angry groan and Schmidt hits him again. With the way he’s shackled to the chair, Steve can do nothing to defend himself. “Please stop!” You beg, your ragged voice echoing through the small room. “Please, don’t hurt him!” Schmidt only laughs and hits Steve again.

After a moment, you can hear Schmidt’s footsteps as he backs away. “Are you ready to accept that I am your überlegen(1), Captain?”

Steve coughs. “I could do this all day.” His voice is soft but even, at odds with the erratic thumping of your heart.

“Yes, yes.” Schmidt sighs, stepping toward you. “Of course, you can but I’m on a tight schedule.” He steps in front of you, his eyes moving lecherously over your terrified face. He grips the back of your chair and drags you directly in front of Steve, leaving your knees inches from his. You gasp when you take in the sight of his beaten, bloodied face.

As Steve shakes his head at you, you can feel yourself tear up. Schmidt’s been in the room with you for less than ten minutes and has already drawn blood. If Schmidt keeps this up, you have no idea how either of you will be able to hang on until the team gets here. 

“What the hell do you want with me?” Steve hisses, tearing his eyes from you to glare up at your captor.

Crossing his arms, Schmidt lets out a small chuckle. “We should be allies, you and I.”

“ _Go to hell._ ” Steve spits, venom dripping from each word.

Schmidt strides forward until he’s inches from Steve’s face. “Take care how you speak to me, Captain. I need _you_ intact.” He turns and grips your chin harshly, paralyzing you with fear. “However, I cannot say the same about her.” He releases your chin and before you can react to what he’s said, the back of his hand brusquely connects with your cheek. 

Your head whips the side as Steve aggressively pulls at the cuffs holding him. “Don’t touch her!” He snarls. “What do you want with me, Schmidt? You said it yourself, my blood is useless to you now.”

Schmidt turns, tilting his head and walks out of your line of sight. Steve’s eyes are trained on him as he moves behind you. “I thought the same thing, Captain.” You jump when his hands settle on your shoulders. 

“From the fragmented notes and samples from my Großvater(2), I was led to believe that once you had been delivered the anti-serum, you _would_ be useless to me. But then I saw you in battle after you’d been cured. Despite having such a high dosage of the antidote, you did not lose any of your super soldier strength and abilities.”

He flexes his fingers, tightening his grip on your shoulders and you shiver from the unwanted touch. “I watched you, Captain. I observed the way you behave in combat to ensure perfektion(3) for my future attempts. I knew then your blood was the key to everything.” 

Steve’s face twists in fury, the cobalt of his eyes narrowing into slits. Schmidt only chuckles. “I would have been the only perfect killing machine to come from this endeavor, but thanks to you, I finally have the means to perfect my HIVE serum. Um es zu perfektionieren(4). All of my Großvaters early efforts were flawed abortions compared to what I will have managed to do now that I have you here.” 

“You can do whatever you want to me,” Steve snarls. “I will _never_ give you what you want. When I get free of these goddamn cuffs, I'm going to stop you once and for all.”

Schmidt’s hands move from your shoulders and you try to crane your neck to see him. “Surely you both realize that you’ve only survived this long because I wished to test your capabilities. I have allowed your kostbare verlobte(5) to live only given that if I killed her too soon, you would be consumed with vengeance and I wouldn’t be able to observe you properly.” 

One of Schmidt’s hands wraps around your throat as his other twists in your hair, holding you in place. “An issue you’ll find we no longer have.” His fingers squeeze, restricting your airway. When you panic at the loss of air, he chuckles and tightens his grip further. Steve’s eyes widen in horror as Schmidt taunts you. “Struggle all you like, liebchen. It will do you no good, but I find it quite amusing.”

Steve twists futilely against the metal holding him in place as he screams for Schmidt to stop. You can manage the smallest bursts of air through your nose but you can’t help the terror snaking its way down your spine. Schmidt has no reason to let you live now. Because of your stupidity, he has Steve right where he wants him. 

“In order to arrive at this moment Captain, you needed to believe that you could still defeat me.” Schmidt chuckles venomously as he swiftly unravels his hand from your hair. “You needed to think you still had a fighting chance.” As the hand around your throat constricts further, his other hand covers your nose and mouth. “But you must realize now, you _never_ did.”

As he watches you struggle for air, Steve immediately begins to beg, letting fear and desperation overtake his voice. “Stop! Schmidt, _stop_!” You can see the agony on his face as your vision starts to grey at the edges. “You’re killing her, you bastard! You want me to beg, I’ll beg. Please, I’ll… I’ll do whatever you want, just let her go.”

Sneering, Schmidt leans close down to your ear. You struggle to stay conscious, knowing you have seconds before you pass out. You tear your eyes from Steve’s as Schmidt moves the hand covering your mouth and nose. “See how quickly I can convince him to cooperate? I told you, we all have our role to play, don’t we, liebchen? I harm you, the Captain readily complies.” 

Schmidt’s grip on your throat loosens slightly as he turns his attention to Steve. You greedily suck in the limited oxygen you’re allowed. “Are you ready to behave, Captain?” You can feel your eyes watering from the lack of air as Steve’s eyes meet yours. Without hesitation, he nods and hangs his head in resignation. “That’s more like it.” Schmidt drawls, moving his hand from your throat. 

As you cough and struggle weakly to pull air into your lungs, Steve draws Schmidt’s attention back to him. “If I cooperate, will you let her go?” 

Schmidt walks back in front of you, crossing his arms in disappointment. “I won't let her go,” he chides, reaching out and touching your cheek. “But I will let her live. Zur zeit(6). That is the only mercy I will show you.” 

Narrowing his eyes, Steve growls low in his throat. “Schmidt -” 

“Need I remind you what I will do to her if you defy me?” Schmidt asks, dangerously. When Steve sees the renewed panic in your eyes, his face softens. You want to tell Steve not to give in, not to let this son of a bitch win, but you’re too terrified to speak. 

He glares up at Schmidt defiantly. “No.” Seemingly satisfied, Schmidt nods, caressing your cheek once more before he turns on his heel. You let out a breath of relief as his footsteps move away from you. 

“Beim zweiten Gedanken(7). I think you both need to understand how far I’m willing to go to ensure your compliance.” You widen your eyes in confusion but have no time to react further as Schmidt’s fist connects with your jaw. The force of the blow knocks you and your chair sideways, slamming your head hard against the concrete of the floor.

Your vision blurs as you hear Steve scream your name. “You son of a bitch, you promised!” He yells, attempting to kick Schmidt as the man leans down and lifts you by your throat.

Schmidt smirks at the terrified confusion on your face as he sets you back into an upright position. “I promised no such thing, Captain.” He calls over his shoulder.

Without releasing his grip on your neck, he pulls his free hand into a fist and hits you again. Blood trickles from your mouth as you cough and squeeze your eyes shut. “Please,” you whimper softly. “Please don’t -” Another squeeze cuts off your air, silencing you. 

You know you can’t take much more of this. You still haven’t recovered from Schmidt attempting to kill you minutes before. Your already weakened lungs are begging for air. The sound of Steve begging is breaking your heart; you never wanted for this to happen. 

Of course, Schmidt kept you alive to threaten Steve into submission. His obsession was a twisted game of cat and mouse you weren’t smart enough to figure out in time. Now that he has what he wants, you know you won’t leave this room alive.

You open your eyes when Steve begs again, sounding more broken than you’ve ever heard him. “Please Schmidt, I won’t fight you. I swear it.”

“I know you won’t, Captain. I am ensuring that.” Schmidt grins wickedly as he winds back and directs his next hit to your stomach. If you had any air in your lungs, the punch would’ve knocked it all from you. Your chest rattles as it tries to draw in the oxygen you’re being denied, the sound barely audible over Steve’s panicked yelling. 

Schmidt slams his fist into your scarred stab wound, the one he caused, sending searing pain ricocheting through your body. As tears stream down your cheeks, he leans down until his face is inches from yours. His dark eyes meet your wild terrified ones and he smiles.

“You have your precious Captain to thank for what I’m doing to you.” Schmidt sneers, loud enough that Steve can hear. “This is his fault. If he had just died when he crashed that plane, none of this would be happening.” He glances over his shoulder. “Isn’t that right, Captain?”

He releases his grip on your throat and uses your hair to drag you until you’re inches from Steve. His eyes are filled with fear for you when you peer up at him. You wheeze and attempt to even out your ragged breathing as Schmidt pushes your head forward. “Tell her, Captain. Admit that this is your fault.”

“ _What_?” Steve hisses, tearing his eyes from you to snarl in Schmidt’s direction.

“Let us clear the air once and for all.” Schmidt shrugs, yanking your head back. “I am not the true villain here liebchen, your verlobter(8) is. I am merely seizing an opportunity that he has presented to me. I think it’s time that he admits that to you. That every bit of pain you’ve had to endure at my hands is due to the konsequenzen(9) of his actions. ”

You can feel your head swimming from the pain you’re in. “This is _not_ Steve’s fault -”

Schmidt’s hand wraps around your throat one more time, cutting you off. “If you’d like for her to keep breathing, Captain…”

Steve glances quickly between you and Schmidt. He swallows thickly as he lowers his head. “I should have died that day, I know I shouldn’t have survived.” You’re not sure if Schmidt can see, but you watch a few tears drip onto Steve's chest as he speaks. 

Despite the blackness at the edges of your vision, your heart twists to hear the sorrow in his voice. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” Steve whispers, raising his head to look at you. “This is happening to you because of me.” 

If you could speak, you would tell Steve to stop talking. That no matter what Schmidt does to you, he’d never be able to convince you that Steve is the cause of your pain. Even if you don’t make it out of this alive, Steve has given you the happiest life you could ask for. But with Schmidt’s hand wrapped around your throat, you can only wheeze and blink back tears.

“Is that what you wanted to hear?” Steve asks, staring at Schmidt. “Please let her go. Don’t hurt her anymore.” 

Schmidt flexes his fingers before he releases you. Your head is still swimming despite being able to breathe, leaving you feeling dizzy and disoriented. Schmidt steps away from you and tilts his head. “As much fun as I’m having, I have much to prepare.” He turns and makes his way out of your line of sight. “Enjoy what little time you have left together.”

Leaning your head back, you breathe painfully and slowly. You close your eyes, feeling the warmth of sleep beckoning you. Instinctively, you know that’s a bad idea. With all the damage you’ve taken, sleeping is a dangerous threat. But you feel _so tired_ and if you just keep your eyes closed, you won’t have to feel any more pain.

The second Schmidt has left the room, Steve calls your name, making you focus on the warmth of his voice instead of sleep. “Stay with me, darling. You’re going to be alright.” When you don’t answer him, Steve attempts to twist out of the cuffs holding him down. Finding them unbreakable, he lets out a heavy sigh. “Sweetheart, look at me. Please.”

Your mind can’t focus properly, but you have to try. _For Steve_. “Hey, hey. Come on, keep those beautiful eyes open for me.” He begs softly, trying to adjust in the chair. “Don’t you fall asleep.” You shake your head and instantly regret the decision. It feels like someone is pounding on your head and you are _so tired._

“Stay with me, please sweetheart.” You open your eyes but can’t find the strength to lift your head to look at him. “Listen, you and I? We’ve been in worse scrapes than this.”

At that, you do lift your head and try not to let him see the confusion on your face. “Have we?”

“Sure we have.” He smiles, despite his split lip. “Remember the day we played hooky and snuck away to the beach? We didn’t tell anyone where we were going. We just took Dottie’s car and drove to New Jersey. Remember the sun? How hot it felt on your face. Do you remember, sweetheart?”

You nod weakly and Steve smiles again, relief showing in his eyes. “Good, what else do you remember?”

“You didn’t… you didn’t get a sunburn even though you didn’t wear sunblock.” You struggle to recall the memory through the haze and fog in your mind. “I wore my green? No, it was blue, my blue swimsuit. You told me you loved me in blue.”

Steve laughs, encouraging you to continue. “And do you remember getting lunch at the boardwalk? We shared French fries and a frosted shake.” 

You smile as your mind brings up the rest of the memory of that day. “We walked along the beach for hours.”

“We did and then we watched the sunset from The Wheel at Steel Pier.” He blinks away a few tears you’re sure he didn’t want you to see. “Do you remember what happened when we got home? How angry Buck and Dottie were with us? Because we had disappeared without telling anyone?”

You shake your head, struggling to push down the exhaustion and sleepiness you still feel. “I don’t… I don’t remember.” You can feel a chill settling into your skin. “Stevie, I’m so tired. Just let me sleep for a bit and we can -”

“No,” Steve answers forcefully. “You gotta stay with me, sweetheart. _Please_. I know how tired you are but I can’t let you sleep, I can’t lose you.” He sniffles as he continues. “Remember pulling into Dottie’s driveway? Buck and her were sitting on the swing. They started yelling at us the second we were on the porch. We lived through that, right? We’re gonna be just fine now. I just need you to hold on a little -”

You close your eyes for a moment and can hear the panic rising in Steve’s voice. “Darling! Come on, wake up, please.” You hear the rattle of metal as you slowly open your eyes. “ _Thank God_ ,” he breathes softly, slumping in his chair. 

As you stare at him, you can see how truly terrified he is. His shoulders are set in a tense line and when his eyes meet yours, you see tears in them. He lets out a slow shaky breath. “Don’t do that to me again.” He tells you quietly. “Please, you need to stay with me.”

“I remember that day.” You murmur softly, slowly shaking your head to try and clear away the persistent fog.

Steve nods excitedly, his fingers motioning encouragingly for you to continue. “That’s great, sweetheart. Tell me about it, please.”

“Remember being in the lab and How… Howard called me up to the radio room. You were on the other line and I knew something was wrong. You… you wouldn’t have patched through unless something had happened.”

Steve shudders as his brain catches up to the memory you’re telling him. “You told me you had to put the plane in the water. That it was the only way.” You whisper. “I begged you not to, that we still had time. You didn’t listen to me, Stevie. You… you left me behind.”

You don’t attempt to stop the tears that fall onto your cheeks. “I was so angry at you, angry that you didn’t think you had another option, that you didn’t have time. After your plane went down, I thought I would never find happiness again. Everything was so dark all the time, I…” You trail off, not knowing how to continue.

“Sweetheart, I…” Steve starts. “I never meant… If I could do it again, I’d -”

“I’m not upset anymore, Steve, the moment I woke up in the compound, I forgave you. This second chance with you has been the best time of my life. I love you more than you could ever know. You were the greatest love of my life.” You feel your head start to droop and you fight against it.

Shaking his head, Steve lets a few tears fall himself. “Hey, hey don’t talk like that. You _are_ the greatest love of my life. We’re going to get out of this. I promise you. And then, you’re finally going to be my wife. I tried to ask you then.”

You meet his eyes with confusion. “What?”

“As the plane was going down,” he explains. “I tried to ask you to marry me. I wanted one good thing before it hit the ice, I wanted to hear you say yes. From our second date, I knew that you were my home, my happy ending. I always wanted to make you my wife, darling. I’m so sorry I made you wait so long.”

You smile at him softly. “I love you, Stevie.” You tell him, letting your head droop onto your chest. “I’ve always loved you.” You know you can’t keep your eyes open anymore, no matter how much he wants you to. 

As you close your eyes, Steve frantically calls your name but he seems too far away for you to answer him. The allure of comforting sleep is too strong and you let the darkness consume you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Superior  
> (2) Grandfather  
> (3) Perfection  
> (4) To perfect it  
> (5) Precious fiancee  
> (6) For now  
> (7) On second thought  
> (8) Fiance  
> (9) Consequences


	63. Chapter Sixty-Three

The ever present feeling of panic blossoms fresh in your chest as you open your eyes to darkness. You glance around, hearing quiet sobbing over the soft hum of what you think is a generator. 

_Is Steve crying?_ You pull at the metal holding you to the chair, letting out an involuntary whimper when they still don’t budge. _How long have I been out?_

Steve must be trying to shift in his seat, you can just make out the sound of fabric catching on metal. “Dar…darling?” You whisper, hating how fractured your voice sounds. “Steve?” 

“Sweetheart?” Steve croaks out. “Thank God, you’re awake. Once the lights went out, I… I couldn’t see your face and over the damned hum, I couldn’t… oh sweetheart I couldn’t hear your breathing. I thought...” He sniffles and tries to clear his throat. “I thought I’d lost you.”

Your head still feels heavy but you push through the haze to make sense of what he’s saying. “How... how long was I unconscious?”

“A few hours, I think. It’s hard to tell time here.” He pauses and you can hear the steady rise and fall of his chest. “I just can’t believe you’re alive. How are you feeling?” 

You tilt your head back, resting it against the back of the metal. “Like the compound fell on me.” You try to draw in a deep breath, stopping halfway when shocking pain lances through you. 

“I think I may have a cracked rib, it hurts to breathe in all the way.” You try to take stock of your other injuries as best you can. You know your lip has to be split, and the dull ache of the concussion hasn’t fully receded, leaving you foggy and confused.

“Take slow breaths, don’t exert yourself.” He tells you in a calm, soothing voice. “I promise you, I’m going to get you out of here.”

You unintentionally let out a sob. “Stevie, please. You don’t have to do that. It’s okay, I know what our chances are.” You sniffle and lift your head from the back of the chair. “I need you to know how sorry I am. This never would have happened if I’d just _listened_ to you.”

“Don’t talk like that, my love. I don’t want you to apologize to me, you have _nothing_ to be sorry for.”

“Steve -”

He lets out a soft sigh, making you pause. “No. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me. I knew this was dangerous and I didn’t push you to stay home. I knew that we’d be walking into a trap but I was so damn focused on killing that sadistic bastard that I didn’t properly weigh the risks. If anything else happens to you because of my stupidity -”

Steve stops mid sentence when bright light floods the room. You rapidly blink and try to adjust your vision, letting your eyes settle on his face. Most of his bruising and cuts from before you passed out have healed, leaving only faint markings on his skin. As his eyes settle on your bruised face, he sobs then casts his eyes to the floor. 

“Interessant(1). Your wounds have healed so quickly, Captain.” Schmidt calls from behind you. “Let us see how rapidly you heal from today’s game.”

You feel a shiver crawl up your spine watching the way Steve swallows and tries to draw himself up taller in his seat. You have the chilling realization that Steve is _terrified_. Not just afraid, but truly terrified of the man now walking into the room. 

Stopping feet from you, Schmidt pulls a roll of duct tape from his coat pocket. “You will be silent today, leibchen. As much as I love the sounds you make when you fear for your life, the Captain and I have much to discuss.” 

You watch with fearful eyes as he yanks a handkerchief from his pocket and advances on you. Shaking your head, you try to twist away from him when you realize what he’s going to do. “No, Schmidt, please -” Before you can finish, he shoves the cloth into your mouth, muffling your startled pleading. He forces the material further and further in until you’re unable to make a sound. 

“You will not resist, else I’ll be tempted to cover your nose as well.” He warns as he grabs the back of your neck to hold you still. “I imagine you wouldn’t last long after that.” His threat paralyzes you; you can barely breathe as it is, with the cloth pushing against the back of your throat. 

He pulls a length of tape, ripping it from the roll and grins down at you wickedly. “Although, I would enjoy watching you suffocate while the Captain is able to do nothing but beg me for your life.” He runs a finger along your trembling bottom lip. “I’d rob him of his fight. It would be child’s play to kill him then, don’t you think?”

When your blood runs cold at his words, you allow Schmidt to stretch the tape across your mouth, gagging and completely silencing you. You try to keep your breathing slow and steady, despite the panic threatening to overwhelm you. Tears slip silently down your face as you watch him smirk, clearly satisfied by his actions. 

Steve glares dangerously at Schmidt, narrowing his eyes as he turns. When he speaks however, the intensity and fight you’re used to hearing in Steve’s voice, is gone. “Do whatever you want to me, but _please_ don’t hurt her. She can’t -”

Schmidt chuckles and pushes the hair out of Steve’s face. “Captain, I will do as I please. You should have thought twice about bringing the woman you love into a trap set by a _sadistic bastard_.” Schmidt yanks Steve’s head back and leans down to his ear. “When she dies, you will have no one to blame but yourself.”

Steve shakes his head, attempting to get free from the man’s grip. Schmidt’s backhand knocks Steve’s head to the side before he has a chance to respond. You let out a muffled cry as Schmidt slaps him again. 

He spins around, smirking at you. “Oh leibchen, I’m afraid I can’t understand you. Are you asking me to stop? Perhaps you’re missing my touch.” He tilts his head and stares at you. “I am happy to oblige.”

Schmidt steps toward you and Steve shakes the chair as hard as he can. You understand as quickly as he does that his chair must be bolted to the ground. Your eyes are watching Steve so when the blow strikes, you don’t see it coming.

The wind is knocked from you as his fist connects with your stomach. The rib that you’re sure is cracked, must break further; as you try to drag air in through your nose, your chest screams in agony. You can’t help but whimper as he winds his fist back again and hits your jaw. 

Steve shouts every obscenity he can think of to stop Schmidt from hurting you. When that doesn’t work, he starts begging, letting all his fear and terror seep into his words. “Schmidt, just tell me what you want!” he pleads, his shoulders shaking with rage. “Please, stop hurting her! Please just hit me, hurt me. God damn it. I’m the one you’re really after.”

Schmidt leans away from you and twists to face Steve. “Captain, do you not understand? I _am_ hurting you. Indirectly, I’ll admit. But you cannot imagine how sweet it is to hear you beg for something I will never give you.” 

You slump forward, feeling too weak to sit up straight. Your chest is heaving from not being able to pull in enough air. The gag completely muffles your sobs, making them sound broken and weak. Exactly how _you_ feel.

Chuckling, Schmidt turns back around and caresses your cheek. “She has a role to play in all of this, I said as much yesterday. Leaving her inches from death until I am ready to end her life? I cannot imagine a better threat to keep you in line.”

“Schmidt, _please_.” You can tell Steve’s resolve is cracking. You lift your head to see his tear stained eyes boring into yours. “Please stop. She can’t take anymore. You have my cooperation, _just please_. I’m _begging_ you to stop.” 

Crouching down, Schmidt rests his elbows on your legs. “Have I been too rough with you, leibchen?” You narrow your eyes at him. “All you have to do is ask me to stop.” He cups his ear with his hand, pretending to listen to you. 

You scream at him, the sound incomprehensible through the cloth stuffed in your mouth. “I hear no objections, Captain.” Schmidt smirks, watching your reaction. He slaps you hard across the face as he rises to full height. “I think she wants more of my attention.” 

Steve begs again, screaming until his voice is hoarse. Schmidt only laughs and winds his fist back, taking great pleasure in the way you try to tense up and protect yourself. His fist connects with your side and when your seemingly endless tears loosen the tape on your mouth, he stops abruptly and picks up the discarded roll from the floor. 

You watch him warily, terrified to move. Every breath you drag in is agony and for a moment you wildly think he’s about to finish you off. He rips three pieces off and carefully secures each one over your mouth until he’s sure you won’t be able to remove them. “That’s better, don’t you think?” He asks, resting his hand on your cheek. “Didn’t want it to fall off overnight.” 

Shaking your head violently, you try to shift yourself away from him. His hand moves back and harshly slaps you twice more. You don’t try to stop the tears that fall now, letting them run down your face in steady streams. He positions himself so that you can’t see Steve and leans close to you. “What are you doing?” Steve calls out. “What are you doing to her?”

“I will take great pleasure in killing you, leibchen.” Schmidt whispers next to your ear. “I think I may enjoy it more than killing your Captain.” His fingers pinch your nose shut, cutting off your air. He grins as you panic when you’re unable to draw breath into your lungs. “Look at you, so terrified of me, of what I’m going to do to you. Perfektion(2).”

Your fingers desperately claw at the metal arms of the chair as you feel your vision start to tunnel. You realize Steve has no idea what Schmidt is doing, you could be dead before he can even react. As you feel your eyes start to close, Schmidt releases you with a laugh. Despite the agony you feel with each deep breath, you suck in as much air as you can. 

“Captain,” Schmidt calls out as he straightens. “I had intended to play today’s game with you, but your kostbare verlobte(3) proved to be more entertaining. I want to see her reaction.” He quickly walks behind Steve and grabs a wooden chair from the wall. Settling himself between the two of you, he crosses his arms. “Isn’t it interesting the things we hold onto?”

You try to keep you breathing slow and shallow, anything to lessen the pain you feel. You narrow your eyes at Schmidt in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about, Schmidt?” Steve asks, keeping his eyes on you.

Schmidt sighs and uncrosses his arms. “When you were both unconscious, I took the liberty of going through your persons. Liebchen, you’ve noticed your watch is gone, ja(4)? Sadly you didn’t have what I was hoping to find.” He turns to smirk at Steve. “But you Captain, had something I will enjoy as a keepsake once your bodies have been disposed of.”

He pulls Steve’s compass from his pocket and holds it up for both of you to see. “Sentimental value is a powerful thing, no? The object has no actual value to the common man, but to you, Captain, it means everything.” Steve begs him to give it back and Schmidt pockets it with a grin. “Ich denke nicht(5). You’ll have no need for it where you’re heading.” 

When Steve protests again, Schmidt’s fist flies and punches Steve in the side of the jaw. As Steve shakes his head to try and recover, Schmidt carries on as if he never stopped. “I was looking for a piece of jewelry, a locket. Not unlike the one you were wearing when I visited you in your home just a few months ago.” 

_The locket that infected Steve?_ _How could he know about that?_ Even when he tortured you the first time, you hadn’t told him about it.

“From your expression, I can tell you both know what I’m talking about. Ausgezeichnet(6).” He settles back in his chair, making a show of getting comfortable. “If you’ll remember when you first took her from me Captain, I asked you if you had enjoyed the HIVE serum running through your veins. I was struck with the question of how that had come to pass. Then I understood, sentimental value.”

Schmidt smirks, crossing his arms when he sees confusion on Steve’s face. “When your darling was pushed into the ice chamber by the Winter Soldier back in 1946, she was wearing the locket you gave her.” 

He turns to you with a lecherous grin. “The locket was torn from your chest and brought down to the lab. One of Hydra’s scientists infused the metal with the early HIVE serum, intending to wake you and infect you with it.”

Your eyes widen, realizing what he means. “What are you talking about?” Steve seethes, yanking uselessly at the metal circling his wrists.

“I see you’re having a little bit of trouble connecting the dots, Captain. Let me make things clear for you. Your kostbare verlobte was intended to be the perfect partner for the Winter Soldier.” 

You shake your head, unwilling to believe him. “Twice as ruthless and efficient as he was, yet no one would suspect such a small, unassuming girl until it was too late. She was _always_ intended to be the second fist of Hydra.”

“You’re a goddamn liar!” Steve swears, meeting your eyes. “He’s lying sweetheart, he has to be.” Your mind is reeling, you hadn't thought about _why_ the locket had the serum in it. You’d just been so focused on fixing Steve when he was infected. But it made perfect sense, why else would they have made sure to put the locket back in with you?

“I assure you, Captain. I am not. It’s a pity that this did not come to pass. Hydra would have overthrown your organization easily if they had two loyal killing machines at their beck and call.” He stands and drags the chair to the side of the room.

“It would have been my großvater’s finest achievement, ja? Captain America’s most trusted friend and his true love, destroying S.H.I.E.L.D. from within.”

The tears that fall from your face drip onto your lap. You can’t find it in you to lift your head and meet Steve’s eyes. You can only imagine what he must be thinking right now. You don’t want to believe what Schmidt has said, but the more you think about it the more sense it makes. 

You would have been welcomed back into the S.S.R. without question. No one would suspect you until you had massed a high enough body count. And by then, you would have made sure you were unstoppable.

“Are you picturing how wonderful it would be, liebchen?” You lift your head, narrowing your eyes angrily. “Komm jetzt(7), we both know it would’ve been a better life for you than what you have now. All that power running through your veins? The Captain was not strong enough to handle it, but I have a feeling you would have been an excellent candidate.” 

“Leave her alone, Schmidt.” Steve warns. “Haven’t you hurt her enough?”

Schmidt smiles at you. “For today, yes, I have. I planned to take my leave once I had had my fill of her, but I remembered this compass and felt that it was my duty to share with you both what Hydra had originally planned.” He drops the compass on the floor and slams his boot down on it before Steve can protest. “Enjoy your night, it tends to get cold in the mountains this time of year.”

From your tears and the pain in your chest, it’s hard for you to breathe properly. The cloth in your mouth and the tape covering it adds to the difficulty, making your eyes widen in panic. Steve can see the fear in them when he stares at you. 

“Don’t leave her like that, Schmidt!” He begs as the man presses a hidden button to slide open the door. “She can hardly breathe, please. Ungag her, god damn it. She won’t last the -”

“All the more reason for me to leave it where it is.” Schmidt calls, walking through the door. “I’m excited to see if she’s still breathing in the morning.”

The slamming of the door sends a shudder through your body and panic blossoming through your chest. You attempt to suck in air and the material scratches the back of your throat. You gag, knowing you have no way to stop this nightmare. Your lungs are screaming as your chest gets tighter with each passing second. 

You’re hyperventilating and suffocating at the same time. Each breath you take is more laborious than the last. The more you think about what Schmidt has just told you, and the more you try _not_ to focus on the pain you’re in, the more panicked you feel. _I’m not making it out of this, I can’t do this, I can’t_ -

Steve calls your name, pulling you from your thoughts. “Breathe through your nose.” He orders softly. “Nice, slow breaths. You’re okay, it’s going to be okay. Please, just breathe.”

Blinking to clear the tears clinging to your lashes, you meet his eyes and force yourself to listen. “Remember what Dr. Ryan taught you.” You shake your head, willing your heart to stop thudding rapidly. “Close your eyes, sweetheart, don’t think about the gag or Schmidt. Try not to think about the pain, just listen to my voice.” 

You do as he asks and close your eyes, trying to block out everything but his words. “I know you remember going to the MET.” You nod, unable to do anything else. “When I got out of that meeting and it was snowing so heavily, I had been so mad.” 

He laughs softly, clearly for your benefit. “Then I saw _you_. You were shivering when I saw you standing outside the base and I knew I couldn’t leave you there. Do you remember that I used my shield to stop the snow from falling on you?”

Again, you nod, listening to the rich timbre of his voice. “I couldn’t believe that you didn’t have a coat so I took mine off and wrapped it around your shoulders. I remember you laughing because it was huge on you but I couldn’t imagine you looking any cuter than you did then. You told me you weren’t in any rush to go home so you didn’t mind walking. Do you remember me looking at you like you were crazy?” 

Steve laughs again and you let the sound wash over you and steady your breathing. “I told you, I was going to the MET and I asked if you wanted to come. You remember, right?” You nod again, opening your eyes to stare at him. 

“I loved watching you wander the rooms, showing me every painting you loved. You were so happy, so content. I would’ve kissed you in front of that Monet if we hadn’t been interrupted.” 

While you aren’t exactly calm, you do feel less panicked than you did minutes before. As long as Steve keeps talking, you’ll be alright. “Sweetheart?” He asks, softly. “Nod if this is helping, shake your head if it’s not or if it’s making this worse.“ You nod slowly and his crooked smile would’ve made you kiss him then if you were able. 

“That’s good,” He breathes as you close your eyes so you can focus on his voice again. “Did I ever tell you -” When he stops abruptly, your eyes fly open. He’s watching the vent above your heads. You look up and see white gas seeping through the slits in the metal. “Darling, look at me. Don't focus on the gas. It’s going to be alright, take slow breaths. I love you, we’re going to be okay.”

As you try to listen to him, you can feel tears slip down your cheeks. It’s impossible to think that anything will be alright, ever again. You sob through the gag and let your head drop onto your chest.

Part of you wants to stay strong for Steve, he needs a clear head to be able to defeat Schmidt. But the part of you that is screaming in agony, just wants this to be _over._ That part of you doesn’t want to be strong, you want to be able to fall apart and not feel anything ever again. 

When the gas fills your lungs, you don’t fight it. You welcome the darkness and the relief from the pain you’re in.

***

You’re no longer in your chair when you come to. You find yourself shackled to the wall on the left side of the room. Your arms hang painfully above your head, but thankfully your feet touch the floor.

Both chairs sit empty in the center. _Both_. You twist your head as carefully as you can and glance around the room. _Where is Steve?_ You want to call out for him but your mouth is still stuffed and taped shut. Anxiety blooms in your chest at the thought that you could be alone; you have no idea how long you’ve been out. 

You find Steve laying on a table to your left. His arms and legs are strapped down, securing him in place. Your eyes widen at the IVs drawing blood from both of his arms. Steve’s facing you with his eyes closed and chest rising slow and shallow. His skin is ashen and gaunt from lack of blood, aging his soft features in a way that terrifies you. 

The door in front of you slides open, making you close your eyes when Schmidt strides into the room. “So good of you to join us, leibchen.” He remarks, stepping close to your face. You can feel him inches from you, making you squeeze your eyes shut tighter.

“I was hoping you’d last the night. I wasn’t ready to be done with you.” His fingers pull at the side of the tape and as you open your eyes, he rips it off violently. You gasp from the pain of it and whip your head to the side, hoping to hide your tears from him. “What do you think of my toy for the Captain?” He asks as he yanks the cloth from your mouth.

Coughing and wheezing, you struggle to find your voice at first. When you answer him, you try to make it as steady as you can. “Wh… what are you doing to him?”

“I am so glad you asked.” He chuckles, slapping your cheek. “I told you his blood was the key to perfecting my serum. I am draining all of it, over time to ensure I have enough to stabilize an army of soldiers with my enhanced capabilities.” 

He turns from you and steps to the table. “I’ve been draining him for the last hour, I’ve come in to see how fruitful my efforts have been.”

You stare up at the two bags above Steve’s head, filled with blood. “You… you have to stop. You’re going to kill him.” You plead, twisting your wrists uselessly above you. “Please, don’t do -”

“I _am_ stopping for today, leibchen.” He smirks, flipping the switch on the machine that Steve is hooked up to. “I am not naive. It would be foolish to, oh what is that silly American phrase? _Kill the goose that lays the golden egg._ Until I know for sure that I have enough of his blood, the Captain is worth more to me alive.”

Schmidt steps closer to you and runs his fingers along the skin of your collarbone. “I have such fond memories of the last time I had you like this. You screamed for me then, the sound was musik(8) to my ears.” You turn your head from him, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of seeing how scared you are. 

“Don’t touch me.” You beg softly, staring down at the floor. “Please… please let him go. When our team gets here, you won’t be walking away -”

He slaps you again, hard across the cheek. “Oh leibchen, you know I love it when you beg, but I’m afraid that I must stop you there. You will both die here, and _if_ your team manages to find us, they will never make it past my men. We will outnumber them as we did when I caught you.” 

Schmidt tilts his head, considering you cruelly. “For their sake, you had better pray they are unsuccessful in locating this base. Because the only thing they will find if they do, is their own deaths.” 

He steps from you, disconnecting the bags from the machine and resting them on the end of the table. “Although, I’d welcome seeing Stark again. I look forward to finishing what I started at your home.”

“My team won’t give up, no matter what you do.” You tell him, meeting his eyes defiantly. “Tony will find a way in and we will put you down like the -” Schmidt swings his arm, fist connecting with your side - the same side he damaged before. 

Searing pain blossoms from the spot causing you to start coughing. You can feel what you think is blood running down your chin as you try to steady your breathing. “You know better than to talk back to me, leibchen. Perhaps leaving you this way overnight will make you think twice about doing it again.”

“W...wait!” You call out, gasping through the intense agony thudding through your body. Schmidt ignores you, taking the bags of blood and walking through the doorway. “Please…”

You let your arms support your weight for a moment as your body sags from the stress of the situation. You can’t let yourself think that anything will happen to Tony or Bucky. They are smart men, they _will_ find you and they’ll have plenty of backup. 

Your concern now is doing what you can to wake Steve. You know, from the ache in your side, that Schmidt has done _something_ to you that will only slow Steve down. _But maybe, if he can break free from the table, he could get help._ The thought is completely irrational, you know it. Steve would never leave you, even if you begged him to. 

Blinking away tears, you softly call out to him. You can’t do anything if he doesn’t regain consciousness. “Steve? Steve, please wake up.” You rattle the chains on your wrists, trying to make as much noise as you can. “Can you hear me? Please, darling, you need to wake up.” 

You can see the slow rise of his chest and try not to panic. He’s breathing, he’s just lost a lot of blood. You need to stay calm for him, he’ll likely panic when he wakes and it’ll be your turn to try and reassure him that everything will be alright. 

When you cough again and see a bit of blood land on the floor, you know that despite whatever you tell him, neither of you will believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Interesting  
> (2) Perfection  
> (3) Precious fiancee  
> (4) Yes  
> (5) I do not think so  
> (6) Excellent  
> (7) Come now  
> (8) Music


	64. Chapter Sixty-Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tough one, brace yourselves ❤

You don’t know how that gas was able to knock you out again. You wake first, a realization that shocks you. Between the growing ache in your wrists and shoulders and the piercing agony you feel with each breath, you’re in too much pain to do anything but sob. 

Your only source of comfort is hearing Steve’s shallow but steady breathing. You stare at his face, willing him to wake up. As you watch the machine pull blood from his veins, you choke back the fear that neither of you are going to survive this.

Keeping your head down, you rest it on your chest as you try not to focus on the numbness you’re feeling in your fingertips. When you hear a soft groan, you lift your head and stare at Steve with wide, panic filled eyes. 

He tugs at his restraints, confused that he’s laying on a table rather than sitting in the chair he’s used to. You try to call to him, your voice hoarse from how weak you are. You swallow, stifling the cough you can feel in your chest and try again. 

“St...Steve?” You whisper softly. “Look at me, sweetheart.” His eyes focus on your face, the blue in them dark against his pale, gaunt skin. He twists his wrists in the metal cuffs, lashing him to the table, grunting weakly when they don’t break.

“Don’t struggle,” you tell him a subdued voice. “Schmidt has been… draining your blood. I don’t... want you to… hurt yourself.” You have to pause every few words, your chest aching each time you try to draw in a breath. 

Steve rests his head back against the table when he tries, unsuccessfully, to push against the metal strapped to his legs. “I’ll be fine sweetheart, how long have I been out?” When you tell him you don’t know, he swears and lifts his head. “What did that son of a bitch do to you? I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine -”

“I'll be fine, Steve.” You promise him, meeting his eyes. “I’m worried about… you.” You’re overtaken by a painful coughing fit and when blood dribbles from the side of your mouth, Steve’s eyes widen in panic.

“That looks like the opposite of fine,” Steve argues, blinking away the tears that dot his lashes. His chest heaves from exertion, a feeling you know he isn’t used to. “Darling, what the Hell did he do to you?” 

You try to take a deep breath, cutting it short when your chest tightens in agony. “Nothing that he hasn’t... already done.” You twist your wrists slightly. “I’ve lived through... worse than this at... his hands.” 

The statement isn’t a lie, but you know that Schmidt has done more damage to you this time. You refuse to let Steve know, he needs to stay focused on reserving his strength so he can overpower Schmidt when he gets the chance.

“Oh sweetheart, you look… I am so sorry.” Steve murmurs sadly. You let your head drop back down onto your chest. The weight of it seems unbearable but now that Steve is awake, you can relax. Maybe close your eyes for a second. “I love you, you’ve been so brave, I just need you to be brave a little longer. Can you do that for me, darling?” 

You loll your head to the side. “Stevie, do you remember... when Tony brought you into me? When I first... woke up?” He nods slowly, smiling at you in encouragement. “What were you thinking? Because Tony thought… I was Hydra.”

“The second I saw you, my heart stopped. I didn’t care what Tony thought, I knew you weren’t working for Hydra. I was… I was beside myself with excitement. We were given a second chance.” He sniffles, making you lift your head.

“You were the greatest love of my life, sweetheart and by some miracle, you were alive and safe. I thought I had to be the luckiest man alive, because otherwise, I was dreaming and I didn’t think that I would have survived it if I was.” 

You smile, blinking away a few of your own tears. “I felt the same.” You assure him. “I was so afraid… that I was dreaming. No one person could… could be that happy without consequence.” 

_But that’s what’s happening, isn’t it? All of this is happening now, because we were only allowed so much happiness._ _We’ve cheated death one too many times._

“After everything we’ve sacrificed, after everything we’ve been through,” Steve reasons, trying to take a deep breath. “You and I deserve to be happy.”

As the door in front of you slides open, Schmidt strides in looking smug and arrogant. “Unfortunately for you, Captain. Your second chance ends here.” You let out a small whimper as the door seals behind him. 

He immediately walks over to Steve and presses a series of buttons on the machine he’s hooked to. The slow pull of Steve’s blood increases as the machine starts whirring angrily. “It’s been a busy thirty-six hours and I’m sure our little darling has told you what I’ve been doing to you.” 

“ _Thirty-six?_ ” Steve snarls as angrily as he can. He’s looking weaker by the second, his skin growing more pale and ashen than before. “She’s been like that for thirty-six hours? Let her down, Schmidt. Let her move her arms. I’m in no position to fight you… you can see that. You’re making… me weaker than she is. She doesn’t deserve… to be in that… kind of pain.” 

“She deserves everything I’ve done to her, don’t you liebchen?” Schmidt chuckles, turning to leer at you. “But I fear after today’s game, I will have to move _both_ of you.” 

His words make your blood run cold. _I will have to move both of you._ You understand his meaning as clear as day. He means to kill you both when he’s done with you and he’s going to do it today. Steve understands it too and immediately renews attempting to twist his wrists in the restraints. 

“Captain, you will not be able to break out. I can assure you.” Schmidt taunts casually. “But you are welcome to try, use up what’s left of your strength.” He walks over to the machine Steve is hooked to and finally turns it off, detaching the bags that the IVs in Steve’s arms have been feeding. 

Schmidt places the bags in a cooler under that table and straightens himself back into a standing position. He rips the IVs out of Steve’s arms, making Steve swear softly. Schmidt swiftly uncuffs Steve and throws him over his shoulder like a rag doll. 

You gasp when Steve doesn’t attempt to fight back. He’s been drained so much that no matter how quickly he heals, he is too weak to fight. As Schmidt unceremoniously tosses him into the metal chair, Steve slumps down, unable to pick himself up. “Is this what passes for a man in your country?” Schmidt mocks. “Erbärmlich(1).”

Schmidt spins on his heel and before you can say anything, he backhands you, knocking your head to the side. “When you and I spent time alone yesterday, I noticed the burns on your chest from my cigarettes. They scarred nicely, did they not?” You refuse to look at him, to give him any more power over you than what he already has.

“Please… Schmidt. Leave her… alone.” Steve begs, breathing heavily. 

Schmidt only laughs and kicks your legs out from beneath you, making your wrists temporarily take all your weight. The action stretches out your chest, immediately reducing you to sobs. “Have you enjoyed carrying a bit of me everywhere you go? I’ve given you plenty of new marks this time, it’s a pity that soon they’ll just be decoration for your corpse.”

As you struggle to stand, Steve begs again, softer than before. “Please… don’t do… this.”

Schmidt wraps his hand tightly around your throat, pushing you flush against the wall. “Tell me, Captain,” he calls out over his shoulder. “How does it feel to be powerless against me? To know that you’ve been drained of so much blood that you’re weaker than your broken and bloodied verlobte(2).” 

He uses his free hand to punch you in the stomach without warning. You can’t draw in enough air to scream, the only sound that comes out of you is a strangled yelp. “You can’t stop me even without the cuffs.” Schmidt taunts, twisting his upper body to glare at Steve.

Tears are falling freely onto Steve’s cheeks now. “Please,” he sobs brokenly. “Hit me… hurt _me_. I… I love her.”

“How sweet, Captain. But how foolish to think that something like that matters to me.” Schmidt turns back to you, tightening his grip on your throat. “But because you’re begging so nicely, I’ll offer up a compromise.” 

He leans in closer to your face and smiles cruelly. “I will stop hurting you, leibchen, but a handel(3) will need to be made. I will hurt the Captain in your place, but you must tell me to do so. Condemn him, else I will continue my brutal assault on you.”

“Do it,” Steve begs softly. “Sweetheart, I… I can take it.” Your lungs are screaming for air, but you can’t let him take your place. Steve is too weak like this, Schmidt will kill him if he lays a hand on him. The most you can do is buy Steve time, take the brunt of this so he can heal.

Defiantly, you narrow your eyes at Schmidt. “ _Never_.” You choke out, glaring at him. 

Schmidt raises an eyebrow and grins viciously. “Very well, leibchen. Very well.” He releases his grip on you and lifts his hand to your wrists. He unhooks the shackles, letting your arms fall to your sides. Your body sags to the floor, exhaustion overwhelming you. “Let us get more comfortable then, ja? I want to better enjoy this.”

As he drags you to the chair by your hair, you resist the urge to scream as pain prickles through your scalp. He picks you up by your waist and throws you into the metal chair with a dull thud. Tears stream down your face as you try to sit up.

Schmidt doesn’t give you time to push yourself up before he punches you twice in the jaw. He winds back and punches you in the chest, laughing when you cough up more blood.

“Sweetheart,” Steve whispers, attempting to sit up straight. Schmidt whirls around and upper cuts him in the jaw before turning back to you. 

“Look at the two of you,” Schmidt mocks, backhanding you so hard you almost fall from the chair. “So weak and useless. I have no further need for either of you, save for my entertainment. I’ve taken all the blood I need to create my army.” 

He pulls a revolver from his side and spins the cylinder with a flourish. “I don’t know how many bullets are in this gun, let’s see which of you I can dispose of first.”

Before either of you can react, Schmidt presses the gun to your forehead and pulls the trigger. You squeeze your eyes shut, flinching as you hear the click of the empty barrel. “Maybe I’ll have better luck with the Captain, ja?” He muses, spinning around. He presses the gun to Steve’s head and pulls again. 

Steve keeps his eyes open, glaring defiantly up at Schmidt, but flinches just the same as you when the barrel clicks. Schmidt roars with laughter, relishing the fear in Steve’s eyes and yours. He pulls the cylinder open, revealing six empty bullet chambers. 

Your eyes widen as you watch him load six bullets into the cylinder and click it shut. “It was enjoyable to watch you both squirm, but know that when I take aim again, I will not miss.”

Schmidt tucks the gun into his holster and grabs Steve by the tattered collar of his uniform. “It’s fitting, Captain, that I get to be the one to end your life, ja?” He effortlessly throws Steve across the room, making him crash into a wooden chair in the corner and shatter it beneath him. 

Steve groans and tries to push himself up before Schmidt can reach him. The man is too quick, pressing his boot into Steve’s back with lightning speed. “After all, your incessant need to stick your nose where it doesn't belong is the reason we crossed paths so long ago. I wouldn’t have known you existed if you’d just stayed safe in your ivory tower.”

“What do you mean?” Steve grinds out, struggling to twist his body and gain the purchase he needs to sit up. Schmidt moves his foot and reaches down to pick Steve up by his hair. He rises to his feet, trying in vain to twist out of Schmidt’s grip. 

Schmidt chuckles, grabbing Steve by the throat and walking him backward to the wall. He shoves Steve, knocking whatever air he has left out of him when his body connects with the concrete. 

As Steve struggles for air, you beg Schmidt to let him go. “He can’t breathe, _please_.” You call out, covering your mouth to hide the blood as you cough. “Please Schmidt, you don’t have to do this.”

“It was almost three years ago now?” Schmidt muses, ignoring you as Steve tries to get the purchase he needs to loosen the grip on his throat. No matter how hard Steve tries, Schmidt remains stronger. The terror you see in his eyes, floods yours with tears.

“You and your _team_ were sweeping Hydra bases near my home in Berlin. Do you remember, Captain?” He tightens his grip and Steve makes a small choking sound as his face turns an uncomfortable shade of red. “Because I do. It was the first time I saw you. I dispatched my men, the first round of HIVE soldiers, to destroy your team.”

You gasp, remembering all of this. That mission was terrifying, everyone came back injured. Thor’s arm was broken, you remember panicking at the thought that something had been strong enough to hurt a god. Steve was missing for five harrowing days. At the time, you thought that was the worst possible thing that could happen. 

When he returned to you, Steve had no memory of what had happened to him. Aside from cuts, bruises, and a limp, he had no other marks on him. You both had chalked up his memory loss to the stress and trauma of the situation. You had no idea Schmidt was behind it.

“We were able to injure the big one and significantly damage Stark’s suit.” Steve gasps for air as Schmidt leans closer to his face. “My real prize however, was _you_. I could not believe that I had the great Captain America, the bane of my Großvater’s legacy, as my prisoner. A test subject I could examine at my leisure.”

“No.” You breathe out, attempting to sit up. “What did you do to him?”

“For days, I kept him barely conscious as I ran my tests.” Schmidt shrugs, using his free hand to pry Steve’s fingers from his arm. “I knew I needed to see him in action, so after I had run every test my Großvater and his scientists had created, I injected him with a serum of my own creation to help him forget his time with me. After that, I waited.”

Schmidt pushes against Steve’s throat a final time before releasing him, letting him crumple to the ground. “I found _you_ after that, leibchen and discovered a new way to get what I wanted from the Captain.” Your eyes widen as he stalks toward you, a predatory smile on his face. 

Steve coughs, struggling to pull air into his lungs. Schmidt crouches down, resting his hands on your thighs. “If I went after you, he would stop at nothing and I would see what the Captain was truly made of.”

Your heart races as you put the pieces together, Schmidt planned this all along. Everything he’s done to you, to Steve? It’s all been part of his twisted plan to manipulate Steve into surrendering himself when he was done observing him. 

“No.” You whisper, letting tears stream down your face. Your head feels heavy and foggy from what you hope is just dehydration. Your vision blurs at the very edges when you focus on him.

“Oh yes,” Schmidt grins, backhanding you as he stands up. He crosses his arms and glares down at you. “And I’ve been patient for far too long, liebchen. You’ve been a thorn in my side since the first time you left me. I knew once I took the Captain’s blood and then his life, I would be able to tear you apart.” 

He glances back at Steve disparagingly. “You wouldn’t be alive to stop me, so I could take my time with her, nice and slow.”

Bile rises in the back of your throat knowing you can do nothing but listen to his taunting. A coughing fit wracks your already weak body. When blood trickles out from the side of your mouth, Schmidt wipes it away with his finger. “Seems I have already done some damage, ja?” He whispers. “You know how I love to watch you bleed.”

“For the last time, _leave her alone_.” Steve pushes himself to his knees, swearing softly. “Come face me like a man, you son of a bitch.” 

Schmidt tangles his fingers into your hair, lifting you from your chair. “Taunting me will not work, Captain. I have not survived this long by being baited easily.” He wraps an arm around your neck, using your body as a shield. You lift your arms to try to pry yourself out if his grip but every move you make feels like agony. 

You watch Steve’s eyes widen as you feel the cold barrel of Schmidt’s revolver press against your temple. You swallow back a sob as he speaks into your ear. “I’m going to make him beg, leibchen. Do you think he loves you enough to be able to barter for your life?” 

He tightens his grip on your throat and gestures to Steve. “Beg me, Captain. Beg me not to kill her. I will not be baited. But perhaps, I can be _persuaded_ if you beg ardently enough. Choose your words carefully, they may be the last that she hears.” 

Steve meets your eyes as he desperately tries to stand. “Schmidt, please. I love her more than my own life. I, I don’t care what you do to me. Kill me right now, but let her walk away. Please.” He falls forward, resting on his palms as he takes a shaky breath. “ _Please_ , let her go. I’m begging you. Shoot _me_ instead. Take my life, please Schmidt. _Spare hers_.”

“You make a convincing argument.” Schmidt loosens his grip on your throat and chuckles when you sob again. “I could kill you, Captain, and let her go, but your verlobte must make a choice.” 

He spins you around to face him. “You would not allow me to beat him, but I wonder what your own life means to you. I will let you walk away, leibchen. You can leave this base alive and free, _if_ and only _if_ you tell me to kill the Captain. If you do not, I will shoot you in the head, right now. _”_

“ _No!_ ” Steve shouts, lifting his own head. Schmidt kicks his boot out and hits Steve in the face, knocking him backward to the floor. You try to push yourself away from him and feel yourself start to lose your footing. Schmidt shoves you to the floor, smirking as the back of your skull collides with the concrete. 

Before you can clear your vision, Schmidt is on top of you. One hand circles your throat, the other presses the revolver to your forehead. “You’ve outlived your usefulness, leibchen.” He snarls, cocking the gun. You close your eyes, praying that Steve will be able to get himself out of here once Schmidt has killed you. 

The sound of a fist hitting flesh makes your eyes fly open. Steve has pulled Schmidt off of you and punched him in the face. Schmidt pinwheels backward, dropping the revolver to the ground beside you. As gingerly as you’re able, you push yourself up to see if there’s anything you can do to help Steve. 

He hits Schmidt square in the jaw, breathing heavily as he winds his fist back to strike again. You know that Steve can’t keep this up forever, whatever strength he has now will be short lived unless he can get Schmidt on the floor. 

After a second hit to the stomach, Schmidt catches Steve’s fist mid swing. “Did you _really_ think you could best me, Captain?” He twists Steve’s hand, forcing him to his knees. 

Your fingers wrap around the revolver. You just need to get yourself to your feet.

“All you’ve managed to do is anger me.” Schmidt sneers, fisting his hand into Steve’s hair. "Now I will ensure that your death is slow and your _kostbare verlobte’s_ is painful. She will beg for you when I kill her, and I will be happy to reunite her with you.”

You push yourself to your feet, struggling to maintain your balance as Schmidt hits Steve in the jaw for the last time. You lift your arm, keeping your aim as steady as you can. “ _Oh, leibchen!_ ” You call out, knowing Schmidt will turn back.

When he turns to stare at you in confusion, you don’t hesitate. You fire off a round with the last of your strength, aiming for Schmidt’s forehead. 

Your vision blurs, knowing it took too much out of you to stand. Schmidt staggers backward and for a moment, you’re afraid you’ve wasted your shot. 

When you see blood trickle from the spot between his eyes, you let yourself fall to your knees. Schmidt’s body pitches backward and Steve scrambles to get out of the way.

_Schmidt’s dead. He’s finally dead._

As Steve stares at Schimdt’s body in shock, you collapse further onto the floor. His eyes find yours and he rushes over to your side. “Sweetheart, hey, hey, you’re alright. You did it, you saved us, my love.” When you stare up at him, taking in the blood on his face and the bruising blossoming on his jaw and cheek, you feel tears slip down your own cheeks. 

He carefully wraps his arms around you and buries his face in your hair. His shoulders start to shake and you know he’s sobbing. “Stevie,” you whisper, softly. “Don’t cry, it’s alright... I knew… you’d be strong enough... to get free of him.” One of his hands moves over your side, making you swallow back a scream from the pain that ripples from his touch.

Steve leans back, carefully studying your face. Your vision doubles, making you close your eyes for a moment to stop the room from spinning. “You gave me the strength. You were so brave, my love. I am so so proud of you.” You open your eyes as he glances up toward the door. “I just need you to hang on for just a moment. I’m going to open the door so I can carry you out.”

You drag in as much of a breath as you can, coughing up a bit more blood. Steve won’t need to carry you anywhere, you know you’re not leaving this room alive. Your injuries are too severe, you understood that when you first woke up. You just needed to buy Steve time. 

“Darling,” You reach out for his arm. “Give me... just a second. Just stay with me... we’ve been through Hell.” You shudder and know it has nothing to do with the temperature in the room. “I just want to look at you... for a moment. _Please_.” Your voice breaks on the last word and Steve shifts, cradling you so he can stare down at you.

“Sweetheart,” he reasons, glancing at the door again. “You’re hurt, we don’t know how badly and I need to get you out of here. Please, don’t fight me on this.” Another cough brings up more blood and Steve’s eyes well with tears. 

Gently reaching up, you touch his face. “You know that... no one is coming, Steve. At least not yet. Just stay... here with me, just... hold me.” Turning your head, you cough again. 

As Steve wipes away the blood from your mouth, he blinks back more tears. “I’m just going to get the button. I don’t care if I have to carry you to the closest city, we’re getting the Hell out of here.” 

Before you can protest, Steve gently rests your head on the floor and pushes himself up. As quickly he can, he reaches the hidden button and pushes to slide up the door. He turns back to you with a small smile. “See? We can do this. I’m going to carry you out and -”

“I’m not... leaving this room with... you, darling. You know that.” You close your eyes for a second, letting out a sob as he scrambles back to you. 

Steve drops to the floor and carefully cradles you in his arms. “Don’t talk like that, you’re going to be alright, you’ll see.” He gently moves your hair away from your face. He sobs when his hand comes away crimson with your blood. 

“You can’t leave me, not when we were finally going to get married and live...“ He sniffles. “Don't make me do this, sweetheart. Don’t ask me to say goodbye to you.”

As he lowers his head and kisses you on the forehead, you feel his tears drip on your face. “You don’t... have a choice.” You tell him, your voice a hollow rasp. Steve pushes himself to his feet and effortlessly lifts you, taking care not to jostle you further. He holds you tight to his chest as he slowly walks out of the room.

Shaking his head as he carries you, Steve’s eyes never leaving yours. “I’ll... always be with you,” You promise, reaching for his face. When you caress his cheek, he leans into your touch, knowing it’s the last time he’ll feel it. “But you have... your whole life ahead of... you, Stevie. Be courageous, my love... I’ve never loved anyone… as much as I’ve loved you.”

Steve stops and shakes his head again, leaning against the wall for support. His beautiful cobalt eyes, the ones you fell in love with so long ago, are the last things you see when you close your eyes. “Sweetheart, I love -”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) Pathetic  
> (2) Fiancee  
> (3) Trade
> 
> How many of you caught the plot call back to early in the story? Steve was missing for days, and now we finally have confirmation that Schmidt was behind it. 
> 
> Well.. how are you all doing? Schmidt IS dead. But at what cost?


	65. Chapter Sixty-Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for another heart breaker. Bucky and Tony are about to find out what Steve already knows...

“Sweetheart, I love -” Steve stops mid sentence as your head lolls backward against his upper arm. “Sw… sweetheart?” He panics when your eyes stay closed despite insistently calling your name. _She can’t be…_ God, he can’t even say it out loud. 

When he moves his hand to touch your face, your body shifts in his arms. When the subtle action makes your arm fall limply to the side, Steve lets the sob he’s been holding back escape from him. “ _Please._ ” He whispers, unwilling to admit to himself that you’re truly gone. “Darling, please.” He sobs, letting himself fall to his knees. “Come back to me.”

Steve hugs you close to him, rocking back and forth for a moment. _This can’t be the end. She did nothing wrong, she didn’t deserve this._

With a surge of strength, Steve pushes himself to his feet and lets them move him mindlessly through the dark hallway. _Maybe if I hijack a plane, maybe I get back to the tower, maybe.._. He sobs again, knowing there’s nothing he can do. 

_Maybe if I had been strong enough to stop Schmidt sooner, my girl would still be alive._ The thought crosses Steve’s mind before he can stop it. It’s not that it isn’t true, he has no one to blame but himself, he just wishes it had been him instead. 

Each tortuous step makes him sob harder, begging you not to leave him. “How am I supposed to do this without you?” He asks, moving matted, bloodied hair from your face. “I don’t… I can’t…” 

Light at the end of the hallway makes Steve look up, squinting from the blinding light he was afraid he’d never see again. He takes a few more steps forward and cradles you closer to him when he sees a figure running in his direction. Steve isn’t stupid, he knows that he won’t have enough strength to fight off whoever’s coming. “I’m sorry, my love.”

“Steve!” Tony calls out, relief coursing through him. “It’s us. Thank Christ! You guys are alright.” At Tony’s voice, Steve lets himself collapse. As his silhouette gets closer, Steve can make out the worried lines on the older man’s face as he lets the nano tech bleed away from it. “Barnes and I got here as soon as -”

Tony cuts himself off as he reaches Steve. Taking in the blood smeared across Steve’s face and the tattered remains of his uniform, Tony swears loudly. “Fuck. What the hell happened in there?” His eyes fall on your body laying still in Steve’s arms. 

“Ace, are you…” His eyes widen when Steve drops his head and protectively tightens his grip on you. “Rogers, she’s just unconscious, right? She’s not…” 

Steve can’t bring himself to answer, if he says it outloud then it’s too real. “Answer me, Rogers!” Tony shouts, kneeling in front of Steve to reach for you. Steve lifts his head, staring at Tony with blank, empty eyes and shakes his head. 

Tony doesn’t need it spelled out for him, he presses his fingers to your throat to feel for a pulse. “ _Fuck!_ ” He shouts and moves to pry Steve’s fingers off of you.

“ _Move_.” He demands when Steve doesn’t budge. Bucky’s footsteps echo in the hallway as he approaches. Tony doesn’t take his eyes off your face as he barks off orders. “Barnes, she isn’t breathing. Move him now. Or _I’ll_ move him.” 

Bucky may not understand, but he doesn’t hesitate. He grabs Steve by the back of his uniform and attempts to pull him away. “Steve, come on. You gotta let Tony try to help.” Steve shakes his head, recognition filling his eyes. He nods and lays you carefully on the floor. 

Tony’s eyes soften as he stares down at your broken and bloodied body on the ground. Your skin is a mottled mix of bruising and abrasions. A mix of dried and fresh blood covers your face and any exposed skin through your ripped tactical uniform.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., give me an Infra scan please,” he asks, letting the nano tech cover his head. The heartbreak Tony feels is overwhelming, but he knows he has to bury it until he’s done everything he can. “Tell me what I’m working with.”

“Sure thing, Boss.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. answers doing a full work up in a matter of seconds. “I’m detecting multiple instances of bruising and trauma. She has three broken ribs, one of which has punctured her left lung. There seems to be intense swelling of the front and temporal lobes, consistent with multiple severe concussions. Due to the severity of her brain injury, she must have gone into cardiac arrest.”

 _So CPR is off the table._ Tony swears again, letting his anger bleed into his commands. “Fire up the repulsors to .5% capacity. We need a small electric shock.” His palms glow as F.R.I.D.A.Y. does as he asks. “Nice and gentle, there we go. Alright Ace, this is gonna tickle a bit.”

Bucky calls out to him warily, asking what he’s doing. “ _What’s it look like, Barnes?_ ” Tony snaps, resting his hands on your chest. “I’m trying to restart her heart.”

Steve and Bucky watch from beside you as Tony lets electricity flow from his gauntlets to your chest. After no response from the first attempt, Tony tries two more times, praying for a heartbeat.

“I’m sorry Boss, no heartbeat detected.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. answers and Tony swears he can hear the sadness in the AI’s voice. 

_Nonono._ Tony’s thoughts swirl in a mess of fury and anguish as he stands and grabs Steve by the collar of his uniform. “What the fuck happened in there, Rogers?” Tony snarls, slamming him against the wall. “She’s dead. Do you hear me? Ace is _dead._ ”

Seeing the tears in his best friend's eyes, Bucky steps in, using his metal arm to pry Tony’s hands off of Steve. “Stark, take a walk, huh?” Tony turns and stares at him with furious, narrowed eyes as Steve lets himself sink to the floor. 

Bucky rests his hand on Tony’s arm. “She was my friend too.” Tony blinks away tears, grateful for the faceplate shielding his eyes. “Get the quinjet going, tell the other agents to head back to the Tower. We’ll be right out.”

“She can’t stay here Barnes, we can’t -”

“And we won’t, Stark. I’ll carry her.” Bucky glances down at Steve, sitting motionless with his head in his hands. “I’ll carry them both if I have to.”

Tony steps back, refusing to look down at the ground. “I don’t give a shit what he does. This is his fucking fault.” He blinks back a few more tears as he barks off orders to men waiting to hear from him in the quinjet.

“Tony’s right.” Bucky jumps, startled by Steve’s soft yet insistent agreement. “She’s dead because of me. I should have just listened to you.”

Bucky crouches down, resting his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Yeah, you should have but I know you didn’t do this to Harvard. I know you’d sooner die than let anything happen to her.” Steve lifts his head, darting his eyes to your body before settling them on Bucky’s face. “So what _did_ happen in there, Steve?”

Steve chokes back a sob and runs a hand through his hair. “We were shackled to chairs, mine was bolted to the floor. Schmidt was hitting her, _hurting her_ , he wouldn’t stop, I… I couldn’t get free. I tried Buck, you gotta believe me.” Bucky nods, keeping his gaze steady on his best friend. “The bastard chained her to the wall when he drained my blood -”

“ _He what?_ ” Bucky hisses, checking Steve over. He still had a few cuts and bruises on him but Bucky hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, he was just grateful that Steve was alive. 

Steve wipes his face, letting his tears mingle with the blood dried on him. “He needed it to recreate his serum. And he took so much, I was so damn weak. I couldn’t fight him off when he pinned me to the wall, I couldn’t stop him when he kept punching her. I wasn’t strong enough to save her, even though I promised her I would. In the end, she’s the one who killed him. Bullet to the head. I was completely useless.”

Bucky glances over his shoulder before turning back. “Steve, you were in an impossible situation. The fact that you both managed to survive for the four days he had you is…” Bucky doesn’t finish his sentence, he can’t. He knows there's nothing he could say that would make this okay. 

“Let’s get out of here.” Bucky suggests quietly. He stands and reaches down for Steve’s hand to help him up. “Let’s bring her home.” Silently, Steve pushes himself to his feet. Bucky effortlessly lifts you and carries your limp body out of the hall of the base and into the waiting plane. 

***

Steve doesn’t leave your side as the plane takes off. Despite Bucky insisting that he buckle up, Steve ignores him, kneeling beside the stretcher you’ve been placed on. Bucky only shakes his head and moves toward the cockpit. He knows nothing he says is going to get through to Steve right now.

Tony sits in the co-pilot’s seat, leg bouncing furiously as he lets his anger start to consume him. _How did this happen? How could Steve have been so fucking stupid? They should have waited, they should have planned better. If Steve hadn’t been so goddamn impatient, Ace would still be alive._

Once the plane is in the air, Tony pushes himself out of his seat and stalks toward the back of the plane to look for Steve. He knows he shouldn’t lash out but right now, he can’t help it. 

Whether or not he has a right to be, Tony’s furious. Furious at himself for not getting there faster, furious at Bucky for not being able to convince them to wait, and furious at Steve for endangering you in the first place.

He finds Steve kneeling beside your body. Thankfully, someone laid a sheet over you so you wouldn't be gawked at by the few agents on the jet with them. Feeling his anger simmering just below the surface, Tony stares down at him. “How could you have let this happen?”

Steve doesn’t look up, just shivers and wipes tears from his face. “What do you want from me, Tony?” He murmurs listlessly. 

Something in Tony snaps. He leans over and with more force than he thought he possessed, shoves Steve backward. Not expecting the outward show of anger, Steve lets himself crash to the floor in surprise. “What I _don’t_ want, Rogers, is to be bringing back her fucking body.” 

“Do you think this is what _I_ want?” Steve whispers as angrily as he can manage. He pushes himself to his feet and glares defiantly at Tony. “That I _wanted_ this to happen to her?” 

Tony scoffs and tosses his arms into the air. “I don’t know, Rogers. Is it? You should have fucking waited for me. I’m not saying that I’m the end all of support here but my suit would have blasted through that door in minutes. It’s three times as strong as hers.”

“The room was filled with some kind of gas before either of us could figure a way out.” Steve protests, knowing that nothing he says will lessen the guilt he feels. “It would’ve affected you too if you had been able to get in.”

“At least it would’ve been open. The agents still alive could have rushed in. At one point, you _had_ the numbers.” As Tony stares down at him his anger boils again, bleeding out of him and into his words. “If you had been more careful, _they_ wouldn’t have died either. This was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

Steve crosses his arms and looks away from him. “I know, Tony.”

Tony balls his hands into fists. “ _You know_ ? No, I don’t think you do. And bringing Ace into the middle of all this mess? Fucking reckless. Actually, _that_ was the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.” He points a shaking hand to the body under the sheet. “Ace is… christ, I can’t even say it. She’s gone, Rogers. You have no idea how much I want to punch you in the face right now.”

“I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have -”

“Did you even fucking love her or was this all some fucking show to prove to yourself that being in the ice hadn’t changed you?” The words slip out of him before he can stop himself. But once Tony’s said them, he doesn’t regret it as much as he anticipated. 

“Of course I love her!” Steve crosses the small distance and gets close to Tony’s face. His voice breaks as he speaks and if Tony was paying attention to anything other than how _he_ feels right now, he’d see the agony in Steve’s eyes. “Tony, how could you even ask that!”

Tony watches Steve stare down at the floor. “Well, you didn’t look for her after you came outta the ice, did you?” He asks, lacing his voice with venom. “Cause if it were me, I would’ve looked for Pepper immediately.”

Tony’s prepared for this fight, he wants to hit Steve until he doesn’t feel this fury coursing through him; hit him until Tony doesn’t feel _anything_. 

Steve’s head snaps up and despite the tears Tony sees in his eyes, he doesn’t soften his gaze. “I _did_ look for her!” Steve argues weakly, fighting back sniffles.

“The file that Fury gave me said ‘presumed dead’ and it _broke my fucking heart_ when I saw it. I had files on everyone; your father, my old team, Bucky. All dead. I felt responsible for all of their deaths, but especially hers. I couldn’t sleep, I could barely function.”

Tony shakes his head and grabs Steve by the collar, throwing him back into the wall of the jet. He’s vaguely aware that if Steve truly fought back and tried to defend himself, Tony wouldn’t have been able to throw him at all. Not without his suit. When Steve slams against the metal with a thud, Tony feels the smallest hint of satisfaction.

“Well, you’re responsible for her death now.” He snarls, using his grip on Steve’s uniform to hold him against the wall. “This is _entirely_ your fault.” Steve’s eyes fill with fresh tears but he doesn’t argue or attempt to pry Tony off of him. 

“Stark, enough.” Bucky orders from behind Tony. “This isn’t _entirely_ his fault.” 

“Isn’t it?” Tony hisses, twisting his upper body to glance over his shoulder. “If you two idiots hadn’t been so impatient and just wanted until the whole team was together, Ace would still be alive.”

Bucky sighs, running a hand through his hair. While he may not disagree with Tony, he feels like he’s got to be the one to defend Steve. He’s certainly not doing it himself. “If we waited, Schmidt would’ve gotten away.”

Tony keeps one hand fisted against Steve’s chest as he whirls around angrily. “And we would have kept fighting. What the hell made you think that Ace needed to be on this mission? The girl had no right being here, not when that bastard had some ridiculous obsession with her.” 

“But Harvard was the one -”

Tony laughs bitterly. “ _I’m sorry,_ you’re seriously going to blame the dead girl for this?!” He bellows, daring either man to finish Bucky’s sentence. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

Bucky shakes his head and raises his hands in surrender. He knows the best thing to do right now is try to de-escalate this, before someone gets hurt. “Of course not.” He answers softly. “I was just trying to -”

“Well that’s what I’m hearing, Barnes.” Tony accuses, focusing his anger on Bucky now. “I told you on the way up here that you were going to regret leaving that cryo chamber. Because of what you meant to her, I did _nothing_ in retaliation for what you did to my parents. _You’re done, Barnes._ With Ace dead, I have zero reason to give a shit what happens to you now. Either of you, really.” 

Before Bucky can even react, Tony turns back to Steve and fists his other hand in Steve’s uniform. “ _Did you even try to save her_?” He grinds out through gritted teeth.

Steve looks visibly shaken by the question. “Of course I tried to save her.” He protests weakly. “But I was cuffed to a chair and -”

Tony cuts him off viciously. “ _Cuffed to a chair?!”_ He yells, slamming Steve back against the cabin wall. “ _Give me a break_ , you’re a fucking _super solider,_ Rogers! I’ve seen you do more damage with your bare hands than I can with my suit.” 

Steve looks down at the floor, unable to meet Tony’s eyes. “Schmidt was draining my blood, I wasn’t st-” 

“So you just sat there and watched him beat the shit out of her?” Tony snaps, not caring how his words are affecting the man in front of him.

Because everything Tony needs to say? Steve _will_ hear it, it’s been a long time coming.

“Tony, I tried -”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Tried what? To not watch him? Because from where I’m standing, that’s what it seems like. You and I have a very different definition of the word _try._ ” 

Steve shakes his head, resting a hand on Tony’s arm. “No, that’s not -”

“Oh really? It’s not?” Tony easily shrugs Steve’s arm off of him and watches it fall uselessly to his side. “Then explain to me how she ended up dead?” 

Steve shudders despite himself. He doesn’t want to have to remember any of what happened in that room. But Tony isn’t backing down. “Schmidt was hurting her and I begged him to stop.” 

“ _I bet you did._ ” Tony snorts, releasing his grip on Steve’s uniform.

“ _Stark_.” Bucky murmurs, trying to get back in between them. 

“It’s alright, Buck.” Steve assures him quietly. “Listen Tony, I did but he wouldn’t stop. Not unless she told him to.” Tony rolls his eyes again. “He said he would _let her go_ if she just told him to kill me. She wouldn’t, Tony, and _I begged her_. She wouldn’t let that bastard hurt me, no matter how much I begged her to.”

Steve runs his hands through his hair in frustration. “All the pain she’s had to endure since she’s woken up has been my fault. I would have done _anything_ to spare her from it.”

“You know what Rogers, you’re fucking right. The poor girl spent half of her time being terrified of you and the other half trying to make herself feel like she belonged here, with you.” Tony crosses his arms, setting his jaw in a hard line. “And in the end, you got her killed.”

“Jesus Tony, don’t you think I know that?” Steve blinks away tears, the only thing he seems to be able to do right now. “She deserved so much better than me.” He glances at Bucky before dropping his eyes to the ground. “I never should’ve gone on that double date. I should have just left her alone.”

Tony shifts his weight, stepping forward to invade Steve’s space again. He feels a twinge of guilt when Steve flinches from the proximity.

“You damn well should have. Eventually, she would have fallen in love and gotten married. Christ, even my old man would’ve worked. _He_ had the means and the money to keep her safe. Things would have been different for sure, but at least she would’ve had the chance to live a full life.” 

His eyes narrow when Steve refuses to look at him. “I can’t stand the sight of you right now.” Tony steps back, dropping his hands to fists at his sides. Tony takes a deep breath before letting every bit of emotion he’s feeling bleed into his next words. “ _It should be you on that fucking table, not her._ ” 

“I know.” 

At that moment, Tony was prepared for this fight. He wanted to hit Steve until he didn’t feel this fury coursing through him; hit him until Tony didn’t _feel_ anything.

And the way that Steve just agrees with him, so pliant and willing to accept that he fucked up? It makes the last cords of Tony’s restraint snap as he winds his arm back to punch him. 

Steve sees it coming, of course, but takes the punch to his jaw without lifting a hand to defend himself. Bucky rushes to Steve’s side, glaring up at Tony but doesn’t dare argue with him. Not now, not when Tony has the same dangerous look in his eyes that he had in Siberia.

If Tony were a better man, less like his father, then maybe he would have been able to restrain himself. At least, that’s what Tony tells himself as he stares at his own fist. He feels disgusted by what he’s done, but more disgusted by the emptiness on Steve’s face.

“Good. I’m glad we’re finally agreeing on something.” Tony sneers, taking a steadying breath to quell the urge to punch him again. There’s no turning back now, Tony knows it. “ _You’re the one who should have died.”_ He hisses venomously. “She did nothing to deserve this.” 

As Bucky helps Steve to his feet, Tony jabs him in the chest with his finger. “When we land, get the _fuck_ out of my tower. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to know you exist. Don’t bother packing, I’ll have someone collect your shit and send it wherever you go.” 

“You can’t just kick him out,” Bucky argues, stepping defensively in front of Steve. “There’ll be services for her.” 

“I can and I fucking will.” Tony grinds out, shoving Bucky out of the way. “As for the services Rogers, _I’ll handle it,_ just like I handle every other mistake you make.” He knows how much he’s hurting Steve, how unnecessarily cruel he’s being, but Tony can’t bring himself to care. Not when his own heart feels like it’s _still_ shattering. 

Tony turns on his heel, knowing the next words coming out of his mouth are especially vicious. “I’ll bury her near my father and _maybe_ if I’m feeling generous I’ll have someone let you know when it’s being held.” 

“Stark, you can’t do that to him.” Bucky begs, grabbing onto Tony’s sleeve. “Harvard was the love -”

“Fuck off, Barnes. She would be alive if it weren’t for him so as the _only person_ on this fucking jet who cared about Ace’s wellbeing, I get to make the decisions now.” He shoves Bucky off of him and turns to fully face Steve. 

Steve stares at Tony, letting his eyes fill with tears once more. “What do you want me to say, Tony? I agree with everything you’ve said. If I had involved you, been stronger, the love of my life would still… I wish to God I could take her place but I can’t and that's a guilt that I have to live the rest of my life with.”

“If I had made the decisions from the start, _the love of your life_ would still be alive.” Steve nods in silent agreement, his silence only seeming to anger Tony further. “You disgust me.” Tony growls, turning to walk away.

***

Tony watches the Captain slide to the floor of the plane. As the tears in Steve’s eyes spill over onto his cheeks, his breath hitches and turns into a sob. The consuming anger Tony felt only moments before, starts to slowly dissolve as he watches Steve break down. He turns his attention to the body lying on the stretcher near his legs. 

_Steve was an idiot for letting you come here, Ace_. Tony crouches and feels the rest of his heart splinter as his thoughts race. _But I know you wouldn’t have listened to any of us. I don’t want to stay angry at him forever. But I can’t look at him right now. I know why you did it, you love him.You saved his life. I just wish you could’ve held on a little longer. I wish had been faster. I wish… Fuck._

“Oh, Ace.” Tony sniffs, gently touching the sheet. “I’m so sorry, kid. You definitely didn’t deserve this.” He raises his head and glances at Steve. Tony knew he didn’t need to be so hard on him, but he couldn’t stop himself. The rage he felt when he realized you were dead needed somewhere to go. 

Unfortunately, Tony’s never been good about suppressing his anger. Especially when it comes to Steve.

When Tony glances over, the Captain’s head is in his hands as his body shakes with sobs. Whatever stitched up version of friendship he and Steve had, has been torn apart. He knows that as well as he knows his own name. 

You kept them together, kept them fighting for the same side. Without you, Tony doesn’t feel like fighting anymore. He and Pepper will retire, far from the compound and the memories of what it felt like to belong to something bigger than himself.

With your death, Tony realizes solemnly, comes the death of the Avengers. Steve will leave the tower without a fight and that’ll be it. The team will dissolve without its heart, _that_ died the moment you did. And Tony knows that no matter how hard he tries, things will never be the same. 

***

Bucky walks back to the cockpit once he’s sure the fight is over. Not that he’s been much help diffusing Tony and Steve’s arguments before but, he’s always tried to do what was best for the team. This wasn’t a difference of opinions on what call to make for the team though. This was a final, devastating blow to the life they had all created together. 

One of his oldest friends was dead. Your life snuffed out before it should have been simply because you cared too much. He knows that both Steve and Tony feel heavy guilt for their part in this mess and right now, it's manifesting into anger with each other. 

Bucky feels a different emotion altogether and grips the handles harder than necessary, trying to keep his own grief at bay. With your death, comes the death of the last piece of him that still feels connected to Dottie, to his life before the Winter Soldier.

He clung to those memories, desperately hoping that if you could find happiness with Steve in the wake of what Hydra had done, then he might make it out okay too.

But Bucky can’t think about that right now. He needs to stay strong for his best friend. He’s angry at Steve in his own right, but the love of Steve’s life is gone and Bucky knows that he has a hard road ahead of him because of it. And if Tony means to make good on his threat, he needs to do as much for Steve as he can in the limited time he has. 

The sky darkens, hiding the sun, as he presses on towards home. He wonders briefly if he’ll ever care to see it again. If this is the end of everything, fitting that even the sun wants to run away because Bucky wishes he could do the same. 

***

“ _You’re the one who should have died."_ Steve can’t get Tony’s words out of his head. They play on repeat, like a highlight reel of all the ways he’s let you down.

He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to wake up every morning without seeing your soft, sleepy smile. He can’t let himself drown in the knowledge that he’ll never hold you again, never kiss the top of your head or watch you scrunch your nose at something funny he’s said. 

He doesn’t want to think about the family and the life the two of you could have had. A dream he let snuff out because he refused to wait and _think things through_.

Steve doesn’t know how the world continues on without you. How _he’s_ supposed to continue on without you. He doesn’t want to.

Steve knows Tony wants him out, he won’t fight it. If he could simply stop existing, he would and save everyone the trouble. He can’t bring himself to argue with Tony, even as the man throws every failure, every sin, back at him. It’s not like he truly _could_ argue anyway. Steve knows that he was the reason behind every awful thing that happened to you.

The woman he loved more than his own life is dead. Dead because of him. 

He can’t bring himself to lift the sheet and see your bruised and broken face. He can’t bring himself to say your name out loud. If he does, Steve knows that he’ll break down and let himself continue breaking until all that’s left is shattered pieces that no one wants to glue back together.

Steve can’t bring himself to think of what he should do next. Nothing matters to him now. Not the Avengers, not S.H.I.E.L.D., _nothing_.

Everything that mattered to him died when you did. Steve doesn’t try to stop the sob that comes out of him, he doesn’t have the right to. He deserves to feel this sorrow for the rest of his life.

As tears clean a fresh path down his own bloodied face, Steve wishes he had died in your place.

***

Tony can’t stay on this jet a minute longer. If he does, he’ll keep picking fights with Steve and he doesn’t have the energy for that. He has so much to deal with when he gets back to New York that he’ll dive right into it. Tony will do anything to stave off the grief until it comes roaring at him and he’ll be forced to face it. 

Neither of them deserve an explanation as to why he’s leaving, but out of courtesy, Tony lets an agent in the rear know what he’s doing. As he presses the reactor on his chest to activate his suit, he can immediately register F.R.I.D.A.Y. frantically speaking to him. 

As he lets the faceplate build around him, the AI scolds him for muting her speaker protocols in the jet. “We didn’t need you,” he tells her with a heavy sigh. “Plot my course back to the tower, huh?”

“No can do, Boss.” The AI argues. “I’ve been trying to tell you for the last half hour. I’ve detected a weak heartbeat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A heartbeat?!  
> Did anyone see that coming?
> 
> But trust us, we aren't done putting everyone through the emotional ringer. Buckle up.   
> Til next week 💋


	66. Chapter Sixty-Six

“You _what?_ ” Tony hisses, whipping around to stare at the sheet on the ground. “Way to bury the damn lead, F.R.I.D.A.Y.!” Not bothering to suppress the suit, Tony rushes to your side and rips the sheet off your body. “Are you sure?” He asks, letting his voice shake. “Do a scan, I need to be positive.”

Steve glances up from the ground, hastily wiping tears as he shakes his head in confusion. “Tony, what the _Hell_ are you doing?” He asks, watching Tony as he stares down at you. He pushes himself up and crosses the small distance. “ _What’s going on_?” 

Ignoring him, Tony watches the screen in front of him as it accesses all of your vitals. He can’t believe it, he can’t fucking believe it. It’s a weak pulse, but it’s there. _How did I not notice it? The shallow rise and fall of her chest? It doesn’t matter, she’s breathing._ You’re alive.

Tony quickly lets his helmet suppress back into the suit and immediately starts barking out orders. “McCallum! I need you here, bring the oxygen and that collar.” He lifts his head to stare at Steve’s wild, terrified eyes. “Rogers, you have no idea how fucking lucky you are. Ace has a heartbeat.”

Falling back onto his heels, Steve tries to process what Tony has just said. “She what?” He whispers, blinking back fresh tears. “Are you positive?”

“Does it look like I’m fucking lying to you, Rogers?” Tony snaps as Agent McCallum pushes past Steve with an oxygen tank and mask. Another agent follows with a cervical collar. Steve watches, frozen in disbelief as the team gets to work trying to stabilize the woman he thought he had lost forever.

“We’re going to want to hook her up to the ventilator.” McCallum suggests. “We’ve still got a bit of a flight and I want to keep her breathing as best as we can.” Tony nods and lifts you carefully, moving you to the small bed near the rest of the medical equipment. “She’s stable for now, but someone tell Sergeant Barnes to move this bird a little faster.”

Tony slides his gaze to Steve, still frozen on the floor. _The son of a bitch must be in shock._ “Rogers! You want to actually be useful and tell Barnes to get the lead out? We’re trying to save her life.” 

If there was time, if there wasn’t so much bad blood between them, Tony would’ve been kinder in his request. But that’s not the case. 

As Tony barks at him, Steve flinches but pushes himself to his feet as quick as he can. He takes a hesitant step towards you and Tony raises a hand in warning. “Go! Now! Then come back. For fuck’s sake, pull yourself together.”

His feet carry him to the cockpit where Bucky looks up at him in question. “Hell of a lot of commotion going on back there. You two start another fight? Cause I’m already on Stark’s shitlist -”

“She’s got a heartbeat.” Steve breathes softly. “She’s… she’s alive.” 

Swearing loudly, Bucky presses a small red button on the dash. “Are you sure?” He watches Steve nod imperceptibly. “Okay, I’m gonna put the jet at top speed. I’ll have us home in an hour and a half tops.” 

Steve lets himself sink into the co-pilot's seat for a moment. Bucky reaches over and rests his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be alright, Steve. Harvard’s gonna be alright.”

Steve lets out a shaky breath. “I know she is. Because I don’t know what I’m going to do if she isn’t.”

***

Leaning against the wall, Tony has one arm crossed as his other hand pinches the bridge of his nose. Steve’s head is in his hands, finding it impossible to look at Tony or anyone else for that matter. Soon after you’re out of surgery and stable, the surgeon walks over to inform the two of them of your status. 

When Tony sees him coming, he pushes himself off the wall and kicks Steve’s foot with his own. “How is she, Doc?”

“There was substantial bruising and internal trauma. She has three broken ribs, one of which had punctured her left lung. We were able to get in there and repair the puncture.” He lets out a heavy sigh as he speaks.

“My concern now lies with her brain. There is some intense swelling of the front and temporal lobes, consistent with multiple severe concussions. She went into cardiac arrest due to the severity of the damage.” He turns to Tony with a small smile. “If it weren’t for you, Mr. Stark, there’s no way she would have been able to be revived once you landed. What you did, saved her life.” 

Tony nods, sparing a quick glance at Steve before taking a step forward. “I did what I could. She’s family.” The surgeon smiles and crosses his arms. “Is she awake?” Tony asks softly. “When can we see her?”

“She is comatose and unresponsive.” The surgeon watches Tony and Steve’s faces fall. Before either of them can question him, he quickly adds. “But she is breathing on her own which is a good sign. She’s being moved to a room now, as soon as she’s settled, you’re welcome to see her. If you’ll just wait here, I have her nurse get you as soon as she’s ready.” 

Nodding again, Tony shakes the surgeon’s hand before he walks away. “Thanks, Doc. You got a huge upgrade coming to all your equipment, courtesy of Stark Industries.” 

Letting out a shaky breath, Steve sinks into the chair. “Thank you, Tony.” He whispers, running his hands through his hair. 

“For doing what you couldn’t?” Tony scoffs, before he can stop himself. Leaning back against the wall, he stares down at Steve with narrowed eyes. “Yeah, I didn’t do it for you. I love that girl, she’s family. Ace didn’t deserve this, she certainly didn’t deserve to die because of your incompetence.”

Steve blinks back tears but doesn’t argue. Tony’s not wrong, Steve has no one to blame but himself for what happened to you. If he had been stronger, he would’ve gotten you both out sooner. He slides his phone out of his pocket with trembling fingers and texts Bucky to let him know that you’re out of surgery. Bucky immediately answers, asking if you’re in a room yet.

Before he can reply, Steve hears footsteps down the hall. He looks up and sees a nurse making her way toward them. “Mrs. Rogers is in her room, if you’ll follow me.”

Steve glances up at Tony in question. Tony shrugs at him. “It was easier that way, no one’s going to argue with me.” Steve nods as they both follow the nurse to the private wing at the end of the hall. As they walk in, Steve raises an eyebrow at the sheer size of the room. It’s easily the size of your shared suite in the compound. 

Again, Tony shrugs at the confused expression on Steve’s face. “I funded half this hospital. Did you really think I was gonna let them stick Ace in some tiny room?” Tony moves to the window, glancing down at the street below. “This will work until we can have her moved to the Tower.” 

“We’re _not_ moving her.”

Tony spins around to face Steve with a pointed stare. “The hell we’re not. I have some of the _best_ doctors in the country at my beck and call. There’s no better place for her than the Tower. She’d have twenty four hour care, without the chaos of a hospital.”

“It’s a private wing, Tony. Not a lot of chaos happening here.” Steve argues, standing on one side of your bed. “And _her_ doctors are already here. They know what’s going on and how best to handle her specific needs.”

Shaking his head, Tony takes a step from the window. He moves until he’s on the other side of your bed. He keeps his voice low but lets his tone lace with venom. “ _My_ doctors are better suited for her specific needs. _She’s_ their _only_ concern, they don’t need to prioritize patients.” He narrows his eyes. “Unlike you, who couldn’t be bothered to prioritize her over your own wellbeing.”

Steve reels backward like he’s been slapped. “How many times do you want me to apologize Tony, huh? I know what I did, I know that she’s lying in this Goddamn bed because of me.” He struggles to keep his voice steady and low. “I would have given my life for hers. You know as well as I do that if I could take her place, I would. I love her with everything I am so if you think for a second -”

“Could’ve fooled me, Rogers.” Tony snaps, leaning further over the bed. “I’ll tell you what I think -”

Bucky interrupts them both before they have a chance to continue arguing. “You wanna take this outside?” He growls. “What is wrong with the two of you? You’re literally fighting _over_ her. Cut the shit.”

Throwing his hands up, Tony glances quickly at Steve before he huffs out. “Let’s go, I’m not done with you.”

Crossing his arms, Steve follows him into the hallway. “You’re right, Buck. I didn’t mean to argue over her, it just escalated quickly.”

“Yeah, I see that.” Bucky rolls his eyes. “The doctor said she’s comatose? But she’s gonna wake up, right? The worst of it is over.”

“ _We hope_.” Tony scoffs, throwing his hands into the air. “If we had gotten here sooner -”

Steve steps in front Tony, turning on his heel angrily. “ _Stark_ , I swear to God -”

“Figure your shit out, _out here._ I’ll keep her company.” Bucky calls over his shoulder as he heads back into the room. “Harvard doesn’t need to hear any of this. She’s gonna be furious when she finds out that we’ve been at each other’s throats like this.” 

Tony crosses his arms and leans back against the wall. “We’re moving Ace to the tower, and that’s final.” 

Steve crosses the distance until he’s inches from Tony’s face. “You don’t get to make that call.”

Narrowing his eyes, Tony refuses to back down. “I think after today, I fucking do.”

Steve opens his mouth to argue when a shrill continuous tone stops him. Both heads whip in the direction of your room. Steve turns to Tony quickly with wide, panicked eyes. “What’s happening?!” He asks as they both run in to see your EKG machine flat-lining. 

Bucky stares at them, mouth open. Before he can say anything, doctors and nurses fill the room, rolling a crash cart along with them. “I’m sorry, Sir.” a nurse explains, pushing them from the room. “You need to leave.”

“Wait! What’s happ-” The nurse shakes her head and slams the door in Steve’s face. He stays frozen in the doorway for a moment before he feels Bucky’s arm on his shoulder.

“Come on, Steve.” He murmurs, pulling Steve away from the entrance to your room. “We gotta let them help her.”

Shaking his head, Tony leans against the wall. “Come on Ace, don’t do this to us.” He looks up as the door to your room opens. The nurses push your bed out and take off down the hall. Over the hospital intercom, he hears a woman's voice calling a Dr. Montgomery to Radiology. 

At Steve and Bucky’s terrified faces, Tony pushes himself off the wall and stares down the hall after you. “I’m going to go find out what’s happening.” He offers, raising his hands in surrender. 

Steve nods as he lets himself fall into the chair near the door to your room. After a moment, he runs his hands through his hair as he stares up at Bucky. “Tony was right, she would’ve been safer with Howard.” He whispers, swallowing back tears. “She would’ve been happier. I should’ve stayed away.” 

“She _wouldn’t_ have been happier, Steve.” Bucky argues, sinking down into the chair next to him. “Don’t say that. She’s so in love with you. And you, her.” 

Shaking his head, Steve rests his hand on the back of his neck. “Being with me has brought her nothing but pain. Howard could’ve given her a good life, he could’ve given her the family she always wanted.” 

“And it would have been empty.” Bucky argues, crossing his arms. His earlier anger at Steve starts to dissipate as he comes to truly understand how much guilt he’s been holding. “She told you as much. She didn’t love him like she loved you. _No one_ in the world loves you more than Harvard does. She got a second chance at happiness with you, Stevie.” 

Steve can’t help the few tears that fall. He doesn’t care how it looks, the pain he’s in overwhelms him, threatening to swallow him whole. “But at least she would’ve been safe.” He sobs. “How am I supposed to live knowing that she’s like this because of me? If I had been stronger…” 

“There is _nothing_ you could have done. That skinny kid from Brooklyn is still the strongest man I know. Time hasn’t changed that. You did everything you could, you and I both know that.” Bucky stares down the hall, in the direction where your bed was rolled just minutes before. 

“Harvard took Schmidt out because she loves you.” Bucky sighs, reaching out for Steve’s shoulder. “She used her last bit of strength to destroy that asshole. Don’t let her sacrifice be in vain. No matter what happens now, you’ll get through this. One day at a time. You’re not alone.” 

Steve resists the urge to shrug Bucky’s arm off of him, he knows he doesn’t deserve the comfort Bucky’s offering. “She’s the love of my life and I did nothing to save her.” He growls angrily. “All I did was sit in that damn chair while he hurt her. I should’ve talked her into letting him hurt me. I could’ve taken it. Even if I couldn’t… She’d be awake and okay, Buck. But now, I have to live with this… This guilt.” 

“Stevie, you weren’t at your full strength.” Bucky shakes his head and leans forward to stare at the tattered uniform and haggard look on Steve’s face. “Even now, you aren’t. You said it to me earlier, he was draining your blood. If you had been able, I know you would’ve killed that son of a bitch before he touched her. And you know _damn well_ that when Harvard is determined, nothing changes her mind. We both know there’s no talking her into anything she doesn’t want to do.” 

“ _It should’ve been me_ ,” Steve’s voice cracks as he lets his head fall. “I could’ve talked her into it if he had just left us alone. Then she could’ve been able to live out her life and have a big family but instead… It isn’t fair. This isn’t what she deserves, Buck. I- I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I lose her…” 

Bucky furrows his brow. He had no idea how bad it really was, how much blame Steve was carrying. “Don’t say that. It shouldn’t have been you. It shouldn’t have been her _either_. And you’re right, she should have been able to have that big family. _With you._ Neither of you deserve this pain and if I could take it from you, I would. You’re going to take this one day at a time and take the next step forward. I will help you with whatever you need. You _will_ get through this. We all will. _Together._ ” 

“Why didn’t she tell me how bad she was hurt, Buck?” Steve sniffles, looking up at him. “She had to know, right? Why would she keep something like that from me… If I had known…” 

“I’m sure she thought it wasn’t that bad.” Bucky shrugs, trying to smile. “She’s a tough cookie, Steve. And come on, even if she did know, you know damn well that she wouldn’t say anything until she knew you were safe.” 

Steve rolls his eyes, cracking a smile for the first time in days. “She’s too goddamn stubborn.” 

“She _is_ too goddamn stubborn.” Bucky agrees, leaning back in the chair. “But that’s why we love her. And it’s why she’s going to be fine.” 

Steve turns at the sound of footsteps. Once the orderly walks past, he smiles again. “I love her for so much more than that… I’ll always love her.” He meets Bucky’s eyes, grateful that his best friend is here right now. If he had to go through this alone, he isn’t sure he’d be able to do it. “Buck? Do you honestly believe she was happy with me? That she wouldn’t have been better off with Stark?” 

“She wouldn’t have been better off with Howard.” Bucky sighs and stares over Steve’s shoulder, pushing down an emotion he knows he can’t deal with right now. “Better half a life full of love and passion than a full one that’s empty and full of regret.” 

“Is that how you look at it when it comes to Dot?” 

Bucky lets out a small sigh as he rubs at the back of his neck. “I have to, Steve. I loved that girl more than I thought possible. And when my time with her was cut short and I was finally myself again, it was Harvard who told me that Dottie had moved on and eventually settled down.” 

Pausing for a second, he tries to get control of himself before he speaks again. “And for a moment, I felt grief for a life that I was cheated out of. But I have the memories of a short time filled with love and passion. And that has to be enough for me.” 

“I don’t know if that would be enough for _me._ ” Steve admits, lifting his head when he hears the sound of dress shoes at the far end of the hall. “That girl is everything to me and now I could lose her… Again. I didn’t even get to tell her I loved her this time.” 

“She knows.” Bucky promises. “Trust me, she knows.” 

Steve stands when he sees Tony walking down the hallway toward them. “You know she was proud of you, right Buck?” 

“Yeah, I do.” Bucky nods, standing from his chair and turning to face Tony. “I’m glad that we fixed things between us. Harvard’s always meant a hell of a lot to me. I was afraid that she would never forgive me for what I had done to her.” 

“Well Ace is a much better person than the rest of us.” Tony cuts in, stopping inches from where Steve and Bucky stand. “She forgives a lot more than she should, a lot more than I would anyway.”

Steve sighs and crosses his arms. “What did you find out?”

“Well because I’m me,” Tony shrugs. “I was able to speak with the neurologist as he was looking over the scans. Ace’s brain is bleeding, he’s not sure what caused it because she was stable enough to move to her room. She’s being prepped for surgery now.” 

For the first time, Tony’s voice falters, letting his fear and grief show through his words. “It, uh, it doesn’t look good.”

Bucky slams his fist against the wall. “ _Shit._ ” 

Tony motions to a room next to the nurses station. “We have to wait. As soon as she’s out, I was assured that I’d be notified immediately. Come on.” He starts walking toward the waiting room as Steve and Bucky follow obediently behind. 

Steve sinks into a chair near the doorway and drops his head into his hands. Tony resists the urge to take another shot at him, knowing that Steve’s just as scared as he is. Instead, he lets out a heavy sigh and decides to take a walk. 

Tony may not feel like arguing with the old man right now, but he’s certainly not going to stare at him until you're out of surgery. Pushing off the wall he was leaning on, he leaves without saying a word. Bucky and Steve watch him leave, each one silently wondering what to do next.

Tony wanders, Bucky nods off, and Steve sits straight in his chair. They stay that way for the next five hours, waiting anxiously to hear from the surgeon. 

***

Steve lifts his head when he sees the Neurosurgeon walking toward them. He nudges Bucky to wake him and they both stand. The surgeon walks into the room wearing a somber expression. Tony rounds the corner and moves to stand near the other two men. “How is she?” Steve asks as calmly as he’s able to.

“The worst is over.” He informs them, crossing his arms. “We were able to stop the hemorrhaging but she coded again on the table. She’s been stabilized but I must inform you that despite our best efforts, she is no longer breathing on her own.” He speaks softly, but each word feels like a dagger to Steve's heart. “The extent of the damage done to her frontal lobe is still inconclusive.”

“What does that mean?” Bucky asks, fighting to keep his voice steady. 

The surgeon sighs. “It means, unfortunately, she is still comatose. Despite achieving hemostasis, her brain is still swelling and we cannot find the root cause.” Steve feels his heart shatter again. The room spins as he leans against the wall for support. 

“Is there anything else I can answer for you? I know this is a difficult time.” The surgeon continues. “Once she’s back in her room, I’ll have a nurse fetch you.”

“Wait.” Steve’s voice is barely above a whisper. “When is she going to wake up?”

“There’s no way to tell,” the surgeon answers, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Captain Rogers.”

Steve sinks down into his chair, sobbing into his hands. Tony stares at him for a second before looking up to meet Bucky’s eyes. “Take Steve back to the tower,” he orders softly, trying to hide the concern in his voice. “Get him some food and a shower for christ's sake. He’s still got blood all over him. I’ll stay until you get back.”

Bucky nods as Tony heads toward the nurses station. “Come on Stevie, let’s get you cleaned up, huh?” Steve’s shoulders shake but he otherwise doesn’t move. “Stark’s right, you’re still covered in blood. You know that Harvard would be pissed if she saw you walking around like that. You’re gonna take a shower and I’ll bring you right back, I swear.”

Steve lifts his head, tears tracking their way down his cheeks. “I don’t want to leave her.”

“I get that, but Stark will be here with her. She’ll be alright.” 

Steve nods, rising from his chair. “We keep saying that, when am I supposed to believe it?”

Bucky doesn’t have an answer to that, just a grim feeling in the pit of his stomach.

  
  


***

The shower doesn’t make Steve feel any better, but he’s glad to get all traces of blood off of him. When he stares at himself in the mirror, he almost doesn’t recognize the man looking back at him. 

His eyes are dull and listless but somehow, simultaneously too bright. He knows it's from lack of sleep and almost fives days worth of insufficient nourishment. But he can’t bring himself to do anything other than drink water in small intervals. 

He feels all together keyed up with anxious energy and utterly exhausted. Hoping to get rid of some of his anxiety and maybe even tire himself out, Steve heads down to the training room. If he can’t eat, then he can hit something until he doesn’t feel like this anymore.

He beats the punching bag until it tears open, spilling sand all over the room. He sighs and picks up another, hooking it to the ceiling before he starts again. His thoughts race as his fists connect with the bag over and over. 

_What if she doesn’t wake up? What if this is the end?_ This is his doing, he knows that. No matter how much Bucky tries to assuage his guilt, Steve will never stop blaming himself. 

When he gets back to the hospital, Tony is sitting with you in the room. Steve swallows back a sob when he sees you lying in the bed. You look so tiny, tubes and IVs connected to you as you lay still and silent. “We aren’t moving her.” He warns softly, daring Tony to argue with him.

“Fine,” Tony counters, crossing his arms. “But one of us should be here all the time. Round the clock. And you’re insane if you think I’m gonna sit here and stare at your face all day. You’ll end up in a bed next to her.”

Steve sighs, too exhausted to argue. “We’ll work out a schedule then. Because I agree with you, she shouldn’t be alone.”

“First useful thing you’ve said all day.” Tony scoffs, standing from his chair. “I’ll be back tomorrow, gotta button up some things from today.” He turns and gently touches your hand. “See you soon, Ace.”

Once Tony has left the room, Steve scoots the chair as close to you as possible. “I love you, sweetheart. I am so sorry.” He rests his head on your bed and lets himself cry until he feels like he can’t anymore. 

***

True to his word, Steve works out a schedule with Tony. One of them is always at the hospital, keeping you company, and the other will handle all Avengers press and meetings. Aside from a couple very small hiccups, the schedule works flawlessly. 

As each day passes and the swelling in your brain doesn’t decrease, the doctors become less and less optimistic. Due to this, Steve and Tony’s relationship remains fractured, cracking more and more each day. After the first week, neither of them are willing to speak to the other, let alone be in the same room. 

Tony can’t move past his own anger and grief; it snowballs into something terrifying, something he doesn’t know how to control every time he’s near the Captain.

Steve can’t climb out of his own spiral of blame and sorrow; it weighs heavily on him every hour of the day. Tony knows how to get under his skin and throw what he _thinks_ Steve’s done in his face. He doesn’t need to be reminded. 

As Steve makes his way to your room at the end of the first week, he smiles softly at the nurses behind the station. Each of them took to Steve immediately, offering coffee and food to him once they noticed how often he stayed in your room. 

He pauses at your door, listening to the soft voice of Peter Parker carry on about his homework. He doesn’t know why Peter is there, but his presence makes Steve smile all the same. 

“Mrs. R., I don’t get it.” Peter sighs as he erases a line in his notebook. “Why does calculus have to be so _difficult?_ Like who needs to know the limit of a function as x approaches a fixed constant?” 

Steve chuckles and leans against the doorway. “Uh. Peter?”

Peter glances up, waving his pencil in greeting. “Oh hi, Mr. R.!” 

“What are you doing here?” Steve asks, walking into the room. “I don’t mind of course, just wasn’t expecting company.”

“Mr. Stark told me that there was gonna be an hour that Mrs. R. would be alone.” Peter explains, closing his notebook and hastily moving his two open textbooks off of the hospital bed. “He said that you couldn’t get outta your meeting early and he couldn’t go to his late so I offered to sit with her.” 

Steve drags over the extra chair, usually reserved for Bucky when he pops in. “That’s very kind of you, Peter.” He settles into it, near the head of your bed and stares down at Peter’s homework with a curious expression.

Shrugging, Peter hands over the notebook. “Well, the doctor did say that even in a coma, talking to her would help. And with how good Mr. Stark said she was at calculus, I figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea.” 

“She _is_ brilliant.” Steve smiles, thinking fondly of the many, many times he would go down to the lab during the war, just to let you _explain_ something to him. Steve just wanted to be near you, but he could listen to you talk for hours if he had the chance. “She could run circles around Tony’s father.” 

“That’s what Mr. Stark said!” Peter laughs, happy to have what Tony told him confirmed.

Steve stares over Peter’s shoulder at a small round blue tooth speaker. “Did you bring that?” He asks, gesturing to it.

Turning, Peter grabs it with a grin. “Yeah! I wanted to show Mrs. R. something.” 

“And what’s that?” 

“Your wedding song.” Peter answers, voice full of confidence and excitement.

Chuckling, Steve crosses his arms. “Peter, I think she already has one picked out.” He leans back in his chair and stares at you. He’s fairly certain that if you haven't picked out one yet, the song the two of you danced to in the training room would be a top contender. _That romantic moment feels like a lifetime ago now._

“No, no.” Peter shakes his head. “This one is _perfect._ It’s about this couple that has loved each other for like a thousand years. I know you two haven’t been in love _that long_ but it has been like a hundred, so it’s just too perfect. And besides, she really likes it, I can tell.” 

“Can I hear it?” Steve asks, leaning forward in his seat.

“Of course!” Peter excitedly pulls up the song in his phone and reconnects his speaker. “I’m sure that Mrs. R. won’t mind hearing it again.” 

As Steve listens, he can feel his eyes watering as he imagines dancing with his best girl at your wedding reception. The lyrics are beautiful and Steve is sure he’s never heard anything more fitting for the way you two feel about each other. _Peter was right, the song is perfect._

When the song ends, Steve knows he wants to hear it again. “Could you write that song down for me, Peter?” He asks, sniffling gently. Peter hands him a tissue without a word, beaming proudly at Steve’s reaction.

“I could download it onto your phone, if you want.” 

“Please.” Steve unlocks his phone and hands it over to Peter. 

He fiddles with a few apps, then hands it back with a smile. “There ya go.” Peter grins, reaching for his notebook. “I also screenshot the lyrics for you. Just thought you’d like them.” 

Steve nods and tucks his phone back into his pocket. “Alright, let’s see the rest of your homework. I’m not as good as she is, but I was pretty smart back in the day.”

Peter laughs and hands Steve a sheet with equations. They spend the next two hours chatting and muddling their way through Peter’s homework. Once it’s finished, Peter packs up his things and tells Steve that he wants to come back tomorrow after school.

“Tony will be here then, not me. But I’m sure she’ll be happy to have you here either way.” Peter stares at him like he wants to say something. Steve shakes his head, sure he knows what it would be about. “My fight with Tony has nothing to do with you. You’re welcome here anytime you want.”

Peter nods, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I know that, Mr. R.,” he pauses in the doorway. “You know, Mr. Stark said the same thing actually. Even when you aren’t speaking, you still think alike.” 

Steve sighs good-naturedly. “Let me know when you get home, Peter.” Nodding, Peter takes off down the hallway. Steve turns around and reaches out for your hand, softly rubbing circles over your fingers. 

He stays the night, as he often does, and by the time the sun has set, Steve has memorized all the lyrics to Peter’s song. He sings the lyrics to you as he watches your chest rise and fall in sync with the ventilator. “ _Time stands still; Beauty in all she is; I will be brave; I will not let anything take away; What's standing in front of me.”_

No matter what the doctors say, Steve has to believe that you’ll open your eyes again. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if you don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Stevie. This is not going to be an easy road for any of them.  
> And Steve may think she would've been safer with Howard. But think about it, he's forgetting December 16, 1991... Something that is sure to come at some point...


	67. Chapter Sixty-Seven

A full week passes.

As your condition remains unchanged, Steve’s time away from the hospital decreases daily. He leaves only to take a shower and answer any notes that Tony’s left for him. On his way back after three hours away, one of the nurses gives him a pitying smile. He’s used to it by now, but that never makes it any easier.

Bucky rolls his eyes as Steve walks into your room. He pushes himself up from the chair and meets Steve halfway. “You can't be here all the time like you are. I understand how much she means to you but you _need_ to get some rest, Steve. Before you make yourself sick.” 

Steve claps his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Buck, I _do_ sleep.” 

“ _Yeah_.” Bucky laughs humorlessly, gesturing to the chair next to the bed. “For an hour or two and in that damn chair.” 

“That’s all I need.” Steve argues, walking over to your bed. He carefully checks each machine to make sure everything is as it should be. When he’s satisfied, Steve settles himself in the chair Bucky gestured to. “You think I can sleep right now?” 

“Steve, I’m not trying to hassle you.” Bucky raises his hands in surrender before sitting down once again. “You know that. But you can’t stay here all the time. I mean, the nurses will kick you out eventually.” 

Steve crosses his arms defensively. “They won’t, they all stare at me like I’m a lost kid but none of them have kicked me out. So I’m staying here until she wakes up. Being at the compound or even the tower just feels wrong when she’s laying here alone.” 

Bucky turns and stares at you, smiling wistfully. “Harvard’s never alone. I'm here a lot and so is Tony. Hell, even the kid stops by.” 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” 

“Yeah Stevie, I know what you meant.” Bucky sighs, running his hand through his hair. “But sitting here, just waiting isn’t good for you. You think she’d want that?” 

Steve stands, letting frustration bleed into his words. “What exactly do you want me to do, Buck? Go back to the tower and stare at the wall? Worry that she’ll wake up with me not here or that something will happen?” Bucky stares at him, as he starts to pace back and forth in the room. “No. I’m staying here, and when she wakes up, she can yell at me all she wants for it.” 

Bucky rolls his eyes, pushing himself to his feet. “Steve, you -”

“ _So, it is true_.”

Before he can register what’s happening, Steve goes flying into the wall of the room. Bucky tries to rush to his aid but he finds he’s unable to move. When Steve pushes himself up, confusion furrowing his brow, Loki materializes directly in front of him. He looks disheveled and Steve doesn’t recognize the uniform he’s wearing, but there’s no mistaking that face.

“Loki, thank g-” Loki cuts him off, using his magic to lift him off the ground and pin him to the wall. When Steve realizes he can’t move, he feels a small shiver of panic. He’s at a complete disadvantage like this. He’s not sure what’s causing Loki to react this way but from the furious glare in his eyes, Steve has a feeling the anger is directed at him. “Loki, please listen to me -”

Loki lifts his hand and Steve rises further from the floor. “Stark told me you put her here, Captain. I have half a mind to throw you from that window. Even _you_ would not survive a fall from this height.” 

Steve can’t help but panic, even when Loki’s mind was controlled by the scepter he wasn’t like this. “Let me explain, please. It’s not -” Loki moves his hand again and Steve’s words die in his throat. No sound comes out when he tries to finish his sentence.

“ _Let you explain_?” Loki hisses. “How could you possibly try to explain what you’ve done to that innocent girl? She has been entirely devoted to you, Captain. What could she have done? Hmm?” Loki moves him closer to the window making Steve frantically shake his head. 

Loki turns his head, his gaze softening when he sees you lying in the bed. “Because of how much I care for her, you have exactly thirty seconds to explain before you and Sergeant Barnes are laying in this hospital’s morgue.”

When Loki flicks his wrist, Steve can speak again. He takes a deep breath and quickly explains. “Thank you. Schmidt took us both, tortured us for days. We fought but I wasn’t strong enough to stop him from hurting her. You have to understand, please. I begged Schmidt to let her go, kill me. He wouldn’t.”

Steve lets out a shuddering breath. “As we were fighting, she shot and killed him. I didn’t know how extensive her injuries were until it was too late. She’s had two surgeries but her brain is still swelling. I would _never_ willingly endanger her life, Loki. I love her more than my own life. You have my word.”

Loki narrows his eyes, considering Steve’s words. After a moment, he lowers his hand, letting Steve drop to the floor in a heap. Bucky rushes to Steve’s side to help him stand. 

Silently, Loki crosses the room and gently touches your hair. “This machine is helping her breathe?” He stares up at Steve and raises an eyebrow. “So there’s _nothing_ that can be done?”

“The doctors say the only thing we can do is wait.” Steve runs his hand down his beard. “If the swelling doesn’t go down, there’s a possibility that she may never wake up. It’s been two weeks and there’s been no significant change.” 

Having to explain what happened to someone on the outside of the situation hits Steve differently. He hasn’t realized how hopeless it truly sounds until he voices it out loud. 

Loki takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment. He rests his hand on your shoulder before opening them again. “Her injuries _are_ extensive. The doctors may have done all _they_ can, but I am not bound by mortal medicine. Let me see if I can be of assistance.”

Before Steve can say anything, Bucky steps forward. “Why? What are you going to do?”

“I care about her, you imbecile.” Loki snaps, narrowing his eyes in Bucky’s direction. “That girl was the _only one_ brave enough to show me kindness in all my time on Midgard. I will do all I can to save her from suffering the way she is.”

Steve rests his hand on Bucky’s arm to stop him. “Let him do what he can, Buck.”

Bucky turns to look at his best friend, eyes wide. “But he just attacked you -”

Shaking his head, Steve lowers his voice. “There’s been a lot of heightened emotions lately, he was reacting to what he was told. If Loki can help, let him.”

Loki nods in Steve’s direction. “I’ll need some privacy, if you please. Shut the door, I cannot be interrupted.”

Walking over to the bed, Steve gently kisses your forehead. “Thank you, Loki.” He smiles and walks with Bucky out of your room.

***

After a few minutes, Loki pokes his head out. “Captain,” he calls, a surprised expression on his face. “Could you step inside, there is something you must see.”

Steve pushes himself to his feet quickly and follows Loki inside the room. “Is everything alright?” Steve asks, trying not to let worry show in his voice.

“I’ve begun healing her brain.” Loki smooths your hair away from your face. “There is more damage than I think even your doctors are aware of. It is helpful for me to investigate what is healing as I work. In the process of healing, I am able to see into her consciousness.”

Loki smiles when he sees the confusion on Steve’s face. “Even with the little I’ve done so far, her brain activity has increased. I feel it would bring you a great comfort to be able to see what your beloved is thinking about, even now as she sleeps.”

Steve feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. “Can… how can you do that?”

“Magic runs through my veins, Captain.” Loki explains, settling himself in the chair next to your bed. He holds out his hand to Steve. “I am capable of a great many things. If you’ll allow me, I would like to share her memories with you.”

Nodding, Steve feels his hand shake as he slides it into Loki’s. “You’ll need to relax, Captain.” Loki smiles. “Seeing into her mind will be jarring at first. You’ll be seeing things from her point of view, the way she saw them.”

When Loki touches the top of your head, Steve feels himself tumbling until he’s suddenly righted, unsure of where and when he is.

_“Ooo, she’s beat you three times now.” Bucky laughed, pulling Dottie closer to him. “Come on Stevie, you gonna let a dame school you at ring toss?”_

_You wrapped your coat closer around yourself as snow fell. As soon as Steve realized you were cold, he had shrugged out of his jacket and rested it on your shoulders. He smiled and pulled you to him. “Buck, I’m not ashamed that my girl could beat me at ring toss. It’s a game that requires a high level of skill that I simply don’t have.”_

_You giggled, watching Bucky’s cheeks turned red when Steve had taken your side. “Dottie, you want to give it a try?” You asked, feeling your own cheeks flush when Steve threaded his fingers through yours._

_“Absolutely not.” She laughed, pulling Bucky toward another game. “Come on Sergeant, win me something.”_

_You smiled as Bucky let himself be led away. Once you were alone with him, you stared up at Steve nervously. “Are you sure you don’t mind that I’ve beaten you, Captain? It was easy for me to figure out the trajectory of the ring so it would land on the milk bottle perfectly.” You watched him smile back, his eyes sparkled with affection. “And if I win one more, you’ll get a teddy bear.”_

_Steve laughed, his smile lighting up his face when he stared down at you. “Then by all means, doll. I want to watch you win me a teddy bear.”_

_He handed the man a coin to pay for your next three rounds. “Pick out which bear you want, Captain.” You concentrated on the center milk bottle and angled your throw just right. But with the snow falling, your fingers trembled when you threw the ring. You missed the first but hit dead center on your second try._

_“Captain America’s dame wins a prize!” The man laughed, gesturing to the wall beside him. “Take your pick, Captain Rogers.”_

_You jumped up and down in excitement. “Which one would you like?” You asked, smiling up at Steve’s handsome face._

_He pointed to the brown fuzzy bear, with a red white and blue bow tie. “That one.” He grinned. When the carnival worker handed it down to him, Steve beamed with pride. “Look at that, my girl won me the best teddy bear in the whole carnival.”_

_He gently tucked a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. “Thank you, doll. I’ll keep him forever.”_

Steve feels a tugging in the middle of his stomach. He squeezes his eyes shut as nausea overwhelms him. He feels Loki’s fingers on his forearm. “Captain, would you like to continue?”

He takes a deep breath and stares at the woman he loves. “Yes, please.” He breathes softly. “It was incredible, seeing that night from her eyes.” Loki nods and closes his eyes again. This time, Steve expects the tumbling feeling and opens his eyes once he’s upright.

 _“Stevie, I don’t have much to drink.” You had apologized when you walked out of Dottie’s kitchen. “We should have grabbed a bottle of champagne from Howard’s before we left. I’m sure he wouldn’t have missed_ one _.”_

_Standing, Steve had extended a hand for the fluted glass you held. “Sweetheart, I could drink water and be happy. As long as I get to spend New Year’s with you, that’s all I need.”_

_He had taken a small sip of the wine Dottie had and set down the glass on the table in front of the couch. He held his arms open for you with a soft smile. You had let yourself relax when Steve wrapped himself around you, resting his head on top of yours._

_You breathed in the scent of him, bar soap and clean linen, feeling more comfortable in Steve’s arms than you had felt all night at Howard’s party._

_“Hold on one second, darling.” Steve pulled away from you and walked toward the Victrola you kept in the sitting room. “Let’s play some music.” He lowered the needle, smiling as Vera Lynn’s We’ll Meet Again started to play._

_Dottie loved this song, you often heard it drifting throughout the house whenever she had cooked. “Come on doll,” Steve grinned, taking your hand. “The band’s playing our song.”_

_You had swayed back and forth with him, letting the song wash over you both. You rested your head against his chest, taking in the steady rhythm of his breathing._

_Tonight had been perfect, you realized with a small smile. You had been dancing with a wonderful man, a man that made you feel like the sun rose and set on you. You had never felt this way before._

_When Steve started humming along to the words you stared up at him in wonder. Each time you really looked at him, he took your breath away. Not only was he the kindest and most sincere man you’d ever met but he respected you, valued your opinion._

I’m in love with him _, you realized as he ran his fingers through your hair. He leaned down to press his lips to yours and you smiled against his mouth. “Happy New Year, darling.” He whispered, pulling you closer to him as the clock chimed midnight._

Loki pulls Steve back, resting his hands on the bed’s railing to steady himself. “Do you need a minute?” Steve asks, watching Loki try to catch his breath.

“No, I’m fine.” Loki chuckles, meeting Steve’s eyes. “Being inside her head just takes a bit of adjustment, that’s all.” 

At Steve’s confusion, he explains with a smirk. “I feel her emotions as strongly as she’s feeling them in the moment. So while I appreciate your concern Captain, I was simply suppressing the urge to kiss you.”

“Ah.” Steve can feel his ears heat up in embarrassment. Loki laughs and closes his eyes. Steve braces himself for the feeling. When he opens them, he’s shocked to find himself in your shared suite. 

_“Whatcha doing, beautiful?”_

_“I like your bum.” Removing your hand, you had smiled at him. He shook his head with a soft laugh and made his way over to the small kitchenette._

_You heard the water running as you had stared down at the nightgown in your hands. You remembered being shot and you remembered lying to him in the hospital. Without meaning to, tears had started to fall. If he hadn’t been disappointed in you before, you knew he would be now because it hadn’t been a small lie._

_When you had let out a sob, you heard the cup drop and Steve whipped around. “What happened?!” He asked, rushing back over to you. “We were fine two seconds ago.”_

_“I lied to you.”_

_“Do you not like my bum?” Steve raised an eyebrow at you. “I mean, it’s okay. I don’t care.”_

_“No, it’s not that.” Mumbling, you had looked up at him. “I do like your bum.”_

_He had stared at you expectantly. “Okay…”_

_“In the hospital,” you started, between sobs. “I lied to you. I said I never gave up hope but I did. I didn’t think you were coming.”_

_Shaking his head, he had moved back to the sink to shut off the water. “Sweetheart, you had been through something awful. It’s normal to feel like that.”_

_“No, you don’t understand.” You looked down at your hands as the man crossed the room once more. “I didn’t know how long it had been and he just kept hurting me. And he said that you weren’t coming. That you never cared about me… And I believed him.”_

_Steve had sat down on the bed and reached out to wipe away your tears._

_“I just couldn’t take it anymore.” The words spilled out before you could stop them. “I wanted the pain to stop, it was too much. I... I wanted him to kill me.”_

_His eyes had widened in horrified shock as he stared at you. From his expression, you knew that he hadn’t wanted to hear that but you hadn’t been able to stop talking, you needed to get it out._

_“Schmidt told me that I was useless to you. That I always had been. And I believed him because it had been so long and I didn’t think anyone was looking for me. I’ve caused you nothing but trouble since I got here.”_

_Finding his voice, Steve had whispered. “Darling,” His eyes searched yours softly. “That isn’t true at all.”_

This time, when Steve and Loki emerge from the memory, Loki holds up a hand. “I need a minute, Captain.” He whispers. “I have never felt fear so strongly before, I feel paralyzed by it. I did not understand just how afraid of him she truly was, even then.”

“Now you understand why I wanted to destroy Schmidt as much as I did.” Steve pushes back. “I knew she was terrified of him, and yet she squared off against him three more times. She refused to let her fear consume her, she’s the bravest of us all.”

Loki narrows his eyes. “If the bastard wasn’t already dead, I would find a way to finish him off myself.”

Steve nods, swallowing back a tear he doesn’t want to fall. “Thank you. For that and for everything you’re trying to do for her.” Loki says nothing, just smiles as he closes his eyes.

_When you stared up at Pathway In Monet’s Garden at Giverny, you had felt Captain Rogers staring at you. You turned around, feeling incredibly shy. “I’m sorry, Captain. Am I in your way? I just can’t help but to want to get closer. I feel like I could climb in and just walk down the path -”_

_You had cut yourself off, knowing how badly you were rambling. The Captain had probably just wanted you to move, not hear your commentary on the painting._

_“You’re not in my way at all, doll.” Captain Rogers smiled kindly. “I was going to ask you what you thought of the work. Monet was one of the world's foremost impressionist painters, I love how small and thin the brush strokes are. He was truly able to create movement of light like no other.”_

_You had been momentarily stunned._ How on earth could the Captain know so much about Impressionist painting? 

_He had chuckled when he saw the confusion on your face. “This will probably come as a shock to you, but I was in art school when war first broke out.”_

_He had shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed. “I wanted so badly to do my part, do anything I could to help. So I abandoned my silly dream of becoming an illustrator in favor of trying to join the Army. I knew there were more important things to do than draw cartoons, as much as I wanted to do just that.”_

_“That’s not a silly dream at all, Captain.” You had assured him, resting your hand gently on his arm. “You’re allowed to dream, to have things that you want simply because they make you happy.”_

_It certainly surprised you to hear it. But knowing that Captain Rogers had wanted something else before all of this had made you realize that there was so much more to him than just the sides you had seen of him at the base._

_He had had dreams and aspirations to do something just for him. He had wanted to take on a career that might not have made him a rich man but it would have made him happy. You had smiled at the thought._

_Captain Rogers tilted his head, making you giggle at the expression on his face. “What are you thinking about?” He had asked, stepping closer to you._

_“It’s just... you surprise me, Captain Rogers.” You felt your cheeks heat at how bold you were._

_He had chuckled, tucking a loose curl behind your ear. “It seems there’s plenty of that going around, doll.” He leaned his head closer to yours as you had closed your eyes -_

Loki chuckles as he pulls Steve out of the memory. “If every memory we see ends with you kissing her, this is going to become a problem, Captain.”

Steve laughs, genuine happiness flooding through him for the first time in a long time. “I can’t control what my girl is thinking about. But I can’t thank you enough for this.”

“The pleasure is mine,” Loki grins, crossing his arms. “ _Concerningly so._ Shall we continue?” Steve nods, closing his eyes.

_“Stevie told me he loved me, Dottie. He actually said it!” You had settled yourself at the table excitedly. “Can you believe it?”_

_Dot had turned around, placing your teacup in front of you with a smile. “And did you tell him you loved him back?”_

_“Of course I did! You know that I’ve been in love with him since we danced on New Years.” You picked up the cup and had smiled over the rim of it. “I was so afraid to tell him, I didn’t know if he felt the same.”_

_Dot raised her eyebrow and smirked. “Sugar, that boy has been in love with you since he met you. Even James agrees with me. You were both head over heels in love with each other months before either of you would admit it.”_

_You had rolled your eyes but hadn’t argued. Dot had been right, you felt like you had been in love with Steve forever. “I want to marry him.” You had told her softly. “I know it sounds crazy, with the war and who he is, but when it’s just us the rest of the world melts away and all I can think of is how much I want to be his wife.”_

_“That doesn’t sound crazy, sugar.” She promised you, taking a sip of her own tea. “You and Stevie are perfect for each other.” She had reached out her hand for yours. “And with everything you went through growing up, you damn well deserve a happy ending. If marrying the Captain gives that to you, then you go for it.”_

_You smiled, thanking your lucky stars that you had had someone like Dottie in your life. She had been such a wonderful friend. You hadn’t known what you would’ve done without her._

_“What about you and James then?” You had laughed at the surprise on her face. “Don’t try to tell me that you aren’t in love with him. I see the way you look at each other.”_

_“I won’t deny it.” She had flushed, tossing her scarlet hair over her shoulder. “What James and I have is special. Especially for me. But sugar, I don’t think anyone else in the world has a love like you and the Captain.”_

Steve smiled, remembering that night fondly. He had first admitted that he loved you on your birthday. He remembered how nervous he felt too, how afraid he was that you wouldn’t feel the same. He tells Loki all of this with a small grin.

“I’ve known how strongly she loves you Captain, you can hear it in her voice when she speaks of you. But I must admit, it warms my heart to know that you’ve loved her as long as she’s loved you.”

“I’ve been in love with that girl since the carnival you just saw. I knew I wanted to marry her and build a family. Anything she asks for Loki, I want to give it to her. She’s my world, my everything.”

“I will never doubt that again, Captain.” Loki closes his eyes. “Let us enter once more before I finish my work here.”

 _You couldn’t help but be annoyed. Howard had been running late,_ again _. You understood that he was a busy man but honestly, he did have obligations to fulfill. He should have been more respectful of other people’s time. You had planned to tell him that as soon as he arrived._

_Hearing footsteps coming down the hall, you had spun on your heel, ready to scold Howard for his tardiness. Your words had died in your throat when you saw him. Captain Steven Rogers. You gripped your coffee cup to keep from dropping it as he had moved closer to you._

_He must’ve just gotten back from England, by the looks of it._ My goodness _, you had thought._ He is quite handsome. _The press photographs and grainy posters had not done him justice, at all._

_The Captain had worn a dark leather jacket over what looked like his War bonds uniform top. From his head to his feet, he was the epitome of perfection. When he smiled at you, his grin crinkled his sky blue eyes at the corners and for a moment, you had forgotten how to breathe._

_You had to take a steadying breath once you realized he was walking toward_ you. 

Loki chuckles as he settles himself into the chair next to the bed. “My, my Captain. Seems she was quite smitten from the moment she set her lovely eyes on you.”

Steve grins sheepishly. “Trust me, I was quite taken as well.”

“Indeed.” Loki smiles at him, knowing full well from that memory how attracted you were to Steve from that first moment. “I hope that I was able to give you something of a sense of peace, Captain. Now I’ve been using my magic to heal her since I first allowed you entrance into her memories, but if you don’t mind, I’d like a moment alone to finish my work.”

“Of course.” Steve agrees, making his way toward the door. “I know I’ve said this, but thank you Loki. I know that you care for her and that you aren’t doing this for me but you will have my eternal gratitude for whatever you’re able to do.” 

Loki turns to you once he’s sure that Steve is out of the room. He shakes his head sadly, staring at the IVs and tubes around you. “I am sorry I was not here to help you, love.” He wraps his fingers around yours. “You are the kindest woman I’ve known, with the heart of the Einherjar. You do not deserve to have this sorrowful fate befall you.”

He pushes himself to his feet letting his magic flow through him and into you. “I will do what I can to save you, you have my word.” 

Loki can feel your injuries healing, your broken ribs knit themselves back together effortlessly. Your various cuts and bruises fade away as he lets his magic work. The swelling in your brain has been his focus from the start. Now that he’s healed the rest of your body, he directs everything he has to the damage in your frontal lobes.

After a few moments, Loki leans forward, his chest heaving from the exertion of what he’s done. You may not be awake, but now it’s not a question of _if_ you’ll wake up, but merely a question of _when_.

When he’s caught his breath, Loki calls out into the hallway. Steve and Bucky come running, anxious to see what he was able to do.

“I have done what I can.” He tells them both softly. “Her minor injuries have been completely healed, as have the broken ribs and internal bruising. I was able to eliminate most of the swelling in her brain but I apologize, she has not woken yet.” He turns back to you quickly. “I am happy to say that now it’s a question of _when_ she’ll wake. You needn’t be concerned that she won’t.”

Steve can feel his eyes welling with tears. He’ll take a _when_ , especially since he was so sure that he’d never be able to get even that from the doctors. When he opens his mouth to thank Loki again, the man holds up his palm. “You’re going to want to retrieve a nurse. She no longer needs that machine to breathe. She is now perfectly capable of doing that on her own.”

Without a word, Bucky takes off down the hall to grab someone to help. Steve pulls Loki in for a hug. The action surprises both of them. “You’ve saved her life, Loki. When she wakes, I’ll make sure she knows what you’ve done. I’ll make sure _everyone_ knows.”

“I didn’t do this for the fame of it.” Loki admits. “I just wanted to ensure that the two of you would get the ending you both deserve. She wants to marry you, Captain. Marry you and have a family. I merely did what I could to give that poor girl the happiness she was denied eighty years ago.”

“That’s all I want too.” Steve tells him, leaning back. “I was afraid that I missed my chance to do it right this time, to show her the life she deserves.”

Loki steps away, settling himself into the chair on the other side of your bed. “I promise Captain, you haven’t missed this chance.” He smiles at Steve as he leans back in the chair. “Now, don’t waste it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With all the bad that he's had to endure, we felt like it was time to give Steve something nice... And what's better than being able to see your sweetheart's memories of falling in love with you? Plus, any excuse we can to let Loki show off a little :)


	68. Chapter Sixty-Eight

Two more weeks pass. While you’ve shown signs of improving, you still haven't woken up. Steve knows that what Loki did was invaluable, he just wishes he was able to have some kind of timeline.

Steve sits in your room, reading you Murder on the Orient Express when Bucky drops off his third coffee of the day. “Since you have that conference in a few hours, I figured you could use all the caffeine you could get.”

“Thanks, Buck.” Steve watches him sit down across from him. “As much as I don’t want to go, the Secretary isn’t going to wait forever for this debriefing. I’ve been avoiding him for a month.” 

“If it’s going to be _that_ much of an issue, I can leave and take the meeting.” Tony scoffs from the doorway. “I’m sure the Secretary is sick of my face, but he’ll have to deal if you can’t handle -”

Steve pushes himself up and interrupts him, pressing the book into Tony’s hands. “No, I’m the other half of this leadership. I’ll go.” He gives you a soft, lingering look before he turns to grab his things.

“Good. Cause it’s my turn with her. Ace will be safe with _me._ ” Tony comments, letting venom lace through his voice. He knows full well how Steve will take that, he just can’t bring himself to care. 

Steve looks up, agony twisting his face and for second, Tony wishes he could take it back.

As Tony watches him, he can’t help but notice Steve’s run down and haggard appearance. His annoyingly perfect hair lays disheveled and in his face, clearly he hasn’t bothered to brush it in weeks. And the beard is just ridiculous, thicker than Tony’s used to seeing and far more unkempt than he’s ever thought possible from the Captain. 

It’s Steve’s eyes however, that make Tony pause. They’re dull and listless, exhaustion making it seem like they’ve sunken into his face. Tony can see the lack of sleep clearly visible throughout Steve’s entire body as he gently kisses your forehead, speaking softly to you before he heads out into the hallway.

Bucky pushes himself up from his chair and crosses the room, stopping when he’s inches from Tony’s face. “I don’t care what you threaten me with Stark, I’m just gonna say it. You’re lucky Stevie hasn’t fucking punched you for how you’ve been speaking to him.”

“Rogers is fucking lucky that I haven’t punched _him_ for what he did to her. You know that it’s the least amount of damage I could inflict, if I wanted to.” He glances over to your sleeping form. “So I think you should _both_ be grateful that I don’t.”

Bucky rolls his eyes, refusing to stand down. 

Tony sniffs, hiding any emotion he’s feeling in favor of appearing indifferent. He digs out the keys to his audi from his pocket. “Go with him, I don’t need you skulking around on my watch. But you drive.” He tosses the keys, watching surprise cross Bucky’s face when he catches them. 

Tony’s expression softens for the barest hint of a second. “What? The idiot hasn’t slept in days, I don’t want him to wrap my car around a tree.” 

Bucky narrows his eyes and for a second, Tony thinks he’s going to argue with him. When his face softens too, Tony turns and walks toward the chair near your bed. 

Bucky leaves without another word and Tony lets his body sag from the weight of everything resting on his shoulders. “Ace, I can’t keep doing this. I feel like an asshole everytime I’m near the two of them.” 

He lets out a soft sigh as he settles into the chair and lays your book near your legs. “I know, _language._ But I gotta be honest, at this rate, we’re gonna tear each other apart by the time you decide to wake up.”

Tony reaches out and squeezes your hand. “ _You can_ , any time you want, you know.” He lets go and leans back, crossing a leg over his knee. “You have no idea how difficult it is around the compound. I’m telling you, it doesn’t even feel like Christmas without you.” 

Tony crosses his arms as he glances over his shoulder. “Steve and I aren’t speaking, none of us are really. This is worse than Siberia, I think.” He rolls his eyes. “Ace, I can’t even be in the same damn room as him. And it’s been non-stop since you ended up here.”

He lets out a low breath. “Everyone wants answers and I’m not the one who has ‘em. I can’t make Cap talk about what happened. I know it’s not easy but what am I supposed to do? Conference after conference, we’re passing notes like school kids because it takes everything in me not to knock his teeth out.”

Tony raises an eyebrow, more to himself than anything else. “And I’m sure I’m not his favorite person either, I keep pushing and pushing. I’m waiting for him to snap. Not proud of it Ace, but it is what it is. I’m furious with him.” 

Pushing himself up, Tony needs to move around and not just stare at your body. Your stillness reminds him too much of those moments when he first arrived to rescue Steve and you. “I can’t believe he did this to you, he was so goddamn _stupid_. What would we have done if Rock of Ages hadn’t shown up? You’d still be hooked up to that damn machine and we’d…”

As he lets himself trail off, Tony sniffles softly. “You gotta wake up, Ace.” He crosses the room and leans against the edge of the bed. “He’s a wreck without you, we all are. But Steve, he’s... I can’t stand looking at him, but he’s falling apart all on his own. He’s not sleeping, god knows if he’s eating. He never goes home, I mean, I can’t blame him. But trust me, I’ve _never_ seen him like this.”

A knock at the door startles him, making him jump up off the bed. One of your nurses pops her head in with a small smile. “Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Stark. I just need to check her vitals.” Tony nods and gestures for her to come in. 

As the nurse does her job, she glances up at Tony encouragingly. “Mrs. Rogers is making some incredible strides in her recovery, wouldn’t you say? I really think that she’ll wake up any day now.” 

“She really is,” Tony agrees, flashing her a disarming smile. “I speak for Captain Rogers and the rest of the team when I thank you for the amazing care she’s gotten here.” The nurse blushes as she makes a note in the chart and heads for the door. 

Once the two of you are alone again, Tony picks up the book and sits back down into the chair. “I miss you, kid. Now no pressure, but you gotta help put us back together.” He runs a hand through his hair as he stares at you softly. “We can’t do this without you.” 

***

“Did Mr. Rogers really punch Hitler in the face? Cause that would be so freaking cool!” Peter shows you the comic book, excitedly. “I know that you pretty much lived this, like, in real life. But how cool is it that Captain America had his own run of comics! Mr. Rogers must know about it right? I mean, how could he not? They’re about him.”

Peter flips the pages as he reads each of them out loud. “I found this one in Ned’s attic. He thinks his grandpa bought it back in 1942? Crazy right?”

“Uh, kid?” Bucky asks from the doorway. “Whatcha doing?” 

Peter glances up, a wide grin creeping onto his face. “I’m reading to Mrs. Rogers. The doctors said it was good for her and I found this really old run of comics in my friend’s grandpa’s attic. It’s Captain America! They’re vintage but I thought she’d like ‘em.”

Bucky laughs and strides into the room. “I remember when those came out, Stevie thought they were so cheesy but Brandt had him running all around the country promoting war bonds so anything -” He stops himself from rambling with a small smile. “Hang onto it, it’s gotta be collectable by now.”

Peter nods excitedly, tucking the comic back into his backpack. “That’s what my friend said. But I _had_ to show her. Did she know about them back in the ‘40s?”

“I’m sure she did, but I don’t think she ever read them.” Bucky smiles wistfully. “She preferred to read books about physics and things I couldn’t pronounce if I tried. Comics weren’t really her thing.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “And it was a different time, kid. Wartime shifted everyone’s priorities. Comics were more for kids. When we had any time that we weren’t at the base, we were spending it with the people we loved. We never knew if that was going to be the last time we saw them.”

Peter turns and glances at the hospital bed. “I can’t imagine what that was like.” He replies softly. “That’s why Mr. Rogers is here all the time, right? Because he’s afraid that...” He stares at the floor for a second as he trails off. “Jeez, I didn’t mean to make this sad. I mean, it’s Christmas Eve. Everyone should be happy.”

“Should be,” Bucky agrees. “But it’s not easy. In a way, defeating Schmidt was like being at war. For people like us, what happened stays with you. Steve’s doing what he can to deal with the aftermath. Being close to her gives him hope, that’s why he’s here all the time.”

“I wish I could do more,” Peter replies, in a voice that sounds years older than he is. “Mr. Rogers is a good guy. So is Mrs. Rogers. Well, _not a guy_ but, you know what I mean. They shouldn’t have to go through this.”

Bucky settles himself into the chair near your head and crosses his arms. “I hear you, kid. I wish I could do more too. But the fact that you’re here and you read to her, Steve knows she’s taken care of. Trust me, it helps.”

Peter smiles, taking in the praise and pushes himself to his feet. “Thanks, Mr. Barnes. Now that you’re here, I’m gonna head out. If that’s alright with you? Aunt May and I are gonna go ice skating at Bryant Park. It’s kinda our tradition.” Before he leaves, he turns to the hospital bed. “Merry Christmas, Mrs. R. and to you too, Mr. Barnes.”

“Have fun, kid.” Bucky twists his upper body, giving Peter a small wave as he heads out. “Merry Christmas.” 

Bucky twists back, getting comfortable again as he pulls out his phone. He texts Steve to let him know that he's here and lays the phone on the blanket near your leg. He glances around the room, smiling when he sees the countless flowers, gifts and well wishes from people that care about you as much as he does.

For a moment, he feels an overwhelming wave of sadness. The grief that he hadn’t let himself feel for weeks creeps in and despite the time that’s passed, he feels suffocated by it. He and Tony were almost too late, it was too close of a call for his comfort. You had almost died and if you had, Bucky knew he would’ve lost both Steve and you. Steve would’ve never been able to come back from that. 

As he sits next to you, Bucky lets his thoughts drift to push away the sorrow he’s feeling. He thinks of his life before the War, before Hydra. He thinks of when he met you the first time and how unimpressed with him you’d been. 

You had been sitting next to Dottie, wearing the biggest sun hat he’d ever seen. He laughs to himself as he remembers how you’d given him _a look_ when he flirted with your pretty redheaded friend. 

If he knew then what he knows now, he would’ve dragged you over to Steve and saved both of you months of wasted time. _And if Dottie had known, it would’ve been so much easier. That woman, just like Harvard, was a force to be reckoned with._

 _Speaking of._ “Come on Harvard, you’ve had enough time for your beauty sleep.” Bucky lets out a deep sigh. “Dottie would be so pissed to know you’re still asleep. You know she thought sleeping past eight was lazy, so it’s time to get up.” He pauses to wipe away a stray tear before anyone comes in. “I can’t handle these idiots without you. You’re the only one who can keep ‘em all in line.” 

He leans back in his chair and glances out the window. Snow has begun to fall, leaving the city a mosaic of glittering lights and blurry softness. White accumulates over everything it touches, painting a memory for Bucky to lose himself in. “Harvard, do you remember when Dottie and I took you and Stevie skating?”

***

Steve arrives a few hours after Bucky has. It’s after visitors hours but the nurses all look the other way when he heads down the stretch of hallway. They don’t make him check in anymore, each of them knowing Steve by name and knowing exactly where he’s going. 

“There’s fresh blankets and an extra pillow on the couch for you, hun. An orderly will bring you dinner once you’re settled.” One of the older nurses, Gloria, stops him before he walks in the room. “I figured you’d be staying the night, with it being Christmas Eve and all. Wanted you to go to sleep warm and with a full belly.”

“You didn’t have to, but thank you, Gloria.” Steve smiles kindly. “I truly appreciate everything you’ve done for us.”

Gloria rests her hand on Steve’s arm. “We’re happy to do it. You’re such a sweetheart and no one as young as you should have to deal with such sadness. Especially during the holidays.” Steve smiles, resisting the urge to remind her that he’s technically older than she is. Instead, he just pats her hand and thanks her again.

“Is my friend still in there?” He asks softly, gesturing inside. He had texted Bucky an hour before and hadn’t received an answer. 

She nods before responding. “James? He is, the little darling fell asleep about an hour ago. We covered him with a blanket so he didn’t get too cold.” 

Steve rolls his eyes with a smile. _The little darling. Of course_ that’s what she calls him, Buck could flirt and make any woman blush. “Don’t go waking him now,” she scolds. “He looked as exhausted as you do. I’ll have Marcus bring an extra dinner for him.”

Grinning, Steve makes his way into the room to find Bucky snoring softly, his head drooped onto his chest. He decides to let Bucky sleep for a bit longer before he tells him to head home and relax. He shrugs out of his coat and hangs it on the door hook, smiling at the remnants of melted snow that lay along the folds of his scarf.

“Hey sweetheart,” Steve greets as he settles down. “You should see the snow outside. The way it’s falling over the city reminds me of the day we went to the MET. I wish you could see it.” 

He runs a hand down his face. “This isn’t the way I wanted to spend our third, well technically, fifth Christmas together. We should be celebrating; drinking eggnog with too much bourbon and laughing at whatever ridiculous thing Tony’s just said. Instead...”

Steve shakes his head sadly. “I had something made for you, way before any of this happened. It’s wrapped, waiting for you on our bed in the compound. I won’t… I can’t sleep in our room without you. So you just have to wake up so I can give it to you.”

The steady rise and fall of your chest, makes Steve’s breath hitch in his own. “Please wake up, sweetheart. The longer you stay asleep, the more difficult it is for you to come back to me. And I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to.”

Bucky stirs in his sleep, making Steve swallow back the fresh round of tears he was about to let fall. Hastily wiping his face, he smiles at Bucky as he opens his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows at how dark it’s gotten outside. “Hey, Buck.” Steve chuckles as Bucky shifts to sit up straight. “How was your nap?”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep, Stevie.” He groans as he stretches his body, leaning on his knees to stand up straight. “Guess I didn’t realize how tired I was. Was the blanket you?”

Steve shakes his head with a grin. “No, it was one of the nurses. I’m assuming all your flirting is paying off, they all love you.”

Bucky’s ears turn red from embarrassment. “What can I say? Old habits, I guess.”

Laughing, Steve lets brief happiness flow through him for a moment. “I seem to recall your flirting getting you in a lot of trouble with Dot.” Bucky shrugs, letting out a soft chuckle himself. “You can head back to the tower if you want. Sleep in a real bed.”

“Steve, I’m not going back to an empty tower. That’s just depressing.”

“You could head up to the compound,” Steve suggests, crossing his arms. “Everyone should be home for Christmas.”

Letting out a humourless laugh, Bucky settles back down into the chair. “And do what?” He asks, scrunching his face. “Let Stark murder-stare at me all night? _No, thank you._ Everytime I turn my back, I’d be afraid he’d stick a knife in it.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with him.” Steve sighs, uncrossing his arms to run one through his hair. “It’s not you he’s really angry with. Stark has a right to be angry with me -”

“No, he fucking doesn’t.” Bucky argues. “Stark’s been treating you like shit for the past five weeks, refusing to acknowledge what actually happened and refusing to move past his own petty anger.” He rolls his eyes in annoyance. “Despite what he may think, he’s not the only one who cares about her.”

Steve sighs again, letting his mouth twist into a half grin. “He’s like his father that way, isn’t he? Rash anger, think things through later. He loves her, differently than Howard did, obviously. But loving someone makes you irrational, I know from experience.”

“Stop defending him, Steve.” Bucky hisses, narrowing his eyes furiously. “He has no right. He can’t even stand in the same room without trying to pick a fight with you. He keeps doing it, I’m gonna knock him on his ass.”

“No, you won’t, Buck.” Steve rises and walks over to the window. “Stark’s grieving. The same as I am. As we all are.” He leans against the glass and stares down at the bustling city below. “Do I wish that he would be rational and understand? _Of course I do_. But I’m not going to argue with him about his coping mechanisms. My girl is my priority.”

Bucky stares at the back of Steve’s head. “I wish you would. Sometimes you’re too damn noble for your own good, Stevie.” He turns and Bucky watches heartache cross his friend’s face for a moment. “It’s not a _bad_ thing, I just think that you should’ve punched Stark in the face weeks ago.”

“Once she wakes up, I’ll deal with him.” Steve promises, smiling and gesturing as the orderly comes in with two trays of food. As the man sets them down, Steve expressively thanks him and wishes him a happy holiday. 

The pair eat, making comfortable conversation about nothing in particular. Steve welcomes the distraction that comes from Bucky’s presence, thankful that neither of them have to be alone on Christmas Eve.

Bucky offers to carry the trays out to the station, balancing both in his metal hand as he walks out. Steve leans on the edge of your bed, gently running his fingers through your hair. He hates how pale you look, hates how tiny and breakable you seem laying in this sterile hospital room. You should be home with him. Home with everyone who loves you. 

He leans down and grabs your book off of the table near the bed and thumbs open to the page he stopped at last. Bucky comes back in and lays on the couch, listening to the sounds of the hospital mingling with Steve’s calm voice. 

Steve reads for the next hour or so, stopping only when he hears Bucky’s snoring over his shoulder. He closes the book with a chuckle and rises to cover his best friend with both the blanket from the chair and the blanket folded on the side of him. “Merry Christmas, Buck.” He whispers as he covers him. 

Settling himself into his chair, with his own jacket as a makeshift blanket, Steve smiles softly at the woman he loves. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

***

The day before New Year’s eve starts out dreary. Sleet slides down the sides of the hospital window, obscuring Steve’s view of the city. He sits, perched on the edge of his chair, as he sketches your face. 

It’s one of the few things that’s kept Steve sane over the last six weeks. He’s filled his sketchbook with memories of the two of you, happy vibrant moments in time that Steve is terrified he’ll never have again. 

“Hun, you look like you need some coffee.” Gloria peeks her head in. “Do you want me to go grab you some?”

Steve looks up with a smile. “No, I could use a moment to stretch my legs actually. Do you mind sitting with her for a moment?” She shakes her head and sits down across from Steve. He rises and heads out into the hall. 

Feeling buzzing in his pocket, he steps out of the elevator. “Hey, Sam.” He greets softly. “How’s things at the compound?” It was an unspoken thing, but Sam had more or less been Steve’s eyes and ears in the compound, ensuring things were still moving along in his absence.

“It’s alright, quiet actually.” Sam tells him. “The Secretary has been up Stark’s ass about what happened back in Germany. Stark keeps dodging him, even when he shows up here.” 

Steve rubs at the sides of his beard anxiously. “What’s he saying?”

“Stark? It’s odd. He’s defending you, man. Every time the Secretary tries to pin what happened on you, Stark turns around and argues on your behalf. I’ve heard shouting matches in Stark’s office. Thought you two hated each other? Weird behavior for someone who’s threatened to kick your ass.”

Steve leans against the wall near the cafeteria doors. He and Tony may be at vast odds right now, but there’s moments when he feels like whatever has broken between them can slowly mend over time. _Slowly_. “It’s complicated. I honestly couldn’t explain it if I tried.”

“I’m just glad he’s doing it. The Secretary is pretty relentless about wanting answers. The loss of life this time was -”

“I don’t need to be reminded, Sam.” Steve scolds gently. “I am plenty aware how much I have to answer for. And I will. I suppose I should thank Stark, Tony, for getting between the Secretary and I. I just can’t face him.” Steve leaves the _him_ vague on purpose. He’s not prepared for either conversation just yet.

Sam scoffs into the phone. “One, you don’t have to thank Stark for defending you. It’s what he should’ve been doing this entire time. And two, the Secretary can wait. You don’t have to deal with all that until you’re ready. And you know damn well that Barnes and I will be by your side if you need it.”

“Thank you, Sam.” He feels like he should say more than that, Steve just can’t find the words. 

“Don’t mention it, really.” Sam chuckles. “Any time I can annoy that pompous dick, I’m here for it.” Steve notices that Sam kept his answer just as vague. After a pause, Sam speaks again. “How is she, by the way? Any change?”

Steve takes a deep breath before he answers. “No change, but the doctors are hopeful.” It sounds like a recording coming from his mouth. The same words, over and over. So much so that Steve isn’t sure he believes them anymore.

“That’s good, Cap.” Sam answers. “Any day now, I’m sure.” 

Steve agrees with him, going through the motions as he usually does during this part of the conversation with any of his team. _She’ll wake up, any day now. Don’t worry, it’s going to be alright. You’ll see, it’s just a matter of time._ Steve always agrees, the words sounding hollow when he speaks.

Once he’s off the phone, Steve grabs himself coffee and slowly makes his way back upstairs. As he steps off the elevator, he sees a doctor hurrying around the corner. He thinks nothing of it, taking a careful drink of his coffee as he too, rounds the corner. 

When Steve watches in confusion as three nurses take off running, he feels his stomach churn with dread. _They’re heading toward your room._ He lets his coffee cup slip from his hand and takes off down the hall to find out what’s going on. 

His mind races, fearing the worst as he reaches the open doorway. There’s a flurry of confused activity happening inside. He can’t get past the group of nurses and doctors crowding the bed. In his panic, he can’t understand what they’re saying. 

“What’s happening?” He calls out, his voice high and frightened. “Is she alright? Let me see her, please!”

It’s then that he hears it. The voice is soft, rough from lack of use, but undeniably _yours._ “St… Steve?”

It’s a sound he was afraid he would never hear again and the moment it hits Steve’s ears, tears fill his eyes. He makes no effort to stop them, he couldn’t if he wanted to. 

The medical team moves out of the way and Steve stops. He can feel his legs buckling beneath him as he stares into your confused but _open_ eyes. Steve allows himself to drop to his knees as he lets out the breath he feels like he’s been holding for the last six weeks. 

_She’s awake._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it finally happened- the reader is awake! Did anybody expect it so soon? Or ever?  
> You know we couldn't do that to you guys! But trust us, this won't be an easy recovery. For any of them.


	69. Chapter Sixty-Nine

The room is a flurry of confusion and movement as you try to get your bearings. “St… Steve?” When the nurses around you move out of the way, you watch Steve freeze in place. He meets your eyes and you see tears fill his as confusion furrows your brow. Steve drops to his knees as he lets out a shaky breath. 

You try to push yourself up in the bed but find you have no strength. A nurse leans over and helps Steve back up to his feet as you close your eyes for a moment. The exhaustion you feel is overwhelming and you’ve only just attempted to sit up. “Wh.. what’s happening?” You ask, shocked by the raspiness in your voice. 

Steve walks over to you on unsteady feet and sits by the edge of the bed, near your hip. “Darling, you’re awake.” He marvels softly, running his fingers through your hair. “How… how are you feeling?” He turns back to a doctor quickly. “How is she? Is she… is she alright? I mean, healthy?”

When Steve drags his eyes up to meet yours, you stifle a confused gasp.You can’t recall the last time you’ve seen him like this. Dark circles surround the warm blue of his eyes, making it seem like he hasn’t slept in days. His deep golden hair is shaggy and unkempt. What’s happened for Steve to look this utterly exhausted?

You tilt your head as one of the nurses shines a light in your face. You blink rapidly to clear your vision and hold up a hand to make everyone pause. Your arm feels like it weighs over a hundred pounds. When you stare at it, you’re startled to find that there’s an IV in your hand.

“Please.” You ask carefully, attempting to make your voice less scratchy and soft. “What happened to me, what…” 

You trail off when it becomes too exhausting to finish your sentence. You let the medical team check on your vitals, poking at you and making notes, until they step back seemingly satisfied by their findings.

Steve’s eyes widen as he takes your hand. “Is amnesia a common side effect?” He asks, anxiety lacing his voice. “Is this normal for her to act like this?”

The doctor to your left spares you a quick glance before turning back to Steve. “Most coma patients feel groggy, disoriented, even confused. That’s not uncommon.” He motions to a nurse who begins scribbling notes furiously. 

“But with the damage she sustained, I didn’t know what to expect. I told you in the beginning that the most we could hope for was a maybe. The amnesia may be temporary however, I don’t know the extent of her memory loss.” He turns to you with a soft smile. “Do you know your name?”

 _My name? Of course I know my name._ You answer him easily but you’re still reeling from the fact that he said you were in a _coma. Damage you sustained? What happened to me?_

You stare at him, at a loss for words until one of the nurses gently clears her throat. “She seems stable, maybe we could give Captain Rogers and the missus a few minutes alone? They deserve it.”

Steve smiles warmly at her. “Thank you, Gloria. Doctor, would that be alright?” You watch him nod and usher the group from the room. 

Once the two of you are alone, Steve turns to you and lets out a quiet sob, making his shoulders shake when he speaks. “I can’t believe you’re awake, I thought… I thought I’d never see your smile again. I thought that I’d lost you forever.” 

He lets out a shaky breath and runs his hand through his hair. Blond strands fall into his face and if you had the strength you’d push them back to better see the deep blue of his eyes. You aren’t sure what’s happened but you’d do anything to stop him from looking so devastated.

“Darling, I’m… I’m so sorry.” Steve continues, looking away from you. As his guilt weighs on him, he finds it difficult to meet your eyes. Sensing his discomfort, you carefully move your hand to cover his and furrow your brow. “What do you remember?” he whispers. “This is my fault, I’m -”

You shake your head. “Shhhh. Whatever happened, it’s not your fault.” You get out as clear as you're able. “I don’t remember -”

“ _Son of a bitch_. They weren’t shitting me.” You turn your head and smile when you see Tony standing dumbfounded in the doorway. “Yeah I know, _language._ But Ace, you gotta gimme a pass. This one time?” He strides into the room and carefully wraps his arms around you. “I’m so happy you’re okay.” 

You notice that Steve moves himself so he’s out of Tony’s way but you don’t have time to comment on it. Tony carefully kisses your forehead and straightens up. “As for not remembering?” He raises an eyebrow. “Maybe that’s for the best.” 

He gives Steve a withering stare and settles himself where Steve just was. “Have the doctors been in? They checked you out and all that?” 

You nod, confused by Steve’s silence. Tony turns and addresses Steve for the first time since he’s walked in. “You’re the luckiest son of a bitch alive, Rogers.”

Tony turns back to you with a smile. “I’m sure you can’t wait to get home. This is a great hospital but there’s nothing like real food, huh, Ace?” At your confused expression, he lets out a small chuckle. 

“And I’m jumping all over the place.” He rolls his eyes. “I’m just excited that you’re walking and talking. Well, you know what I mean.”

“The compound is finally reconstructed.” Steve explains, meeting your eyes from the end of the bed. “As soon as you’re cleared, we can move you home.”

You shake your head, struggling to understand why he would say anything about the compound being finished _._ “How long?” You ask them both. How long have you been in a coma? 

Neither of them answer right away, making you cross your arms as carefully as you can with an IV in one hand. “ _How long_?”

Steve moves closer to you, on the other side of the bed. “Six weeks.” He answers quietly, crossing his own arms. “You were in a coma for six weeks.” 

“That’s impossible, Steve.” Staring out the window at the snow collecting on the trees, you shake your head. “Your birthday was July fourth, there’s no way this is the middle of August.” 

Steve and Tony exchange a quick glance, concern flitting across both their faces. “What?” You ask, staring at them both. 

Tony clears his throat as he pulls his sunglasses off his face. “His birthday is the last thing you remember?” When you nod, Tony grabs Steve by the arm and leads him towards the door. “Ace, give us a minute alright?” You stare at both of them with a bewildered expression. “We will be right back, I swear.”

***

Tony rounds on Steve the second the door is shut. “You really are the luckiest bastard I’ve ever met.” He slides his sunglasses on and glances over his shoulder. “Obviously, we’ll need to have her checked out, but if she really doesn’t remember anything this could be for the best.”

“I won’t lie to her, Stark.” Steve narrows his eyes. “I almost lost her, so if you think for a second that -”

“Relax, Rogers.” Tony snaps, rolling his eyes. “Neither of us are going to lie to her, but we certainly aren’t going to supply her with all the gory details of how you let that son of a bitch torture her for _days._ She _died._ Like she needs those nightmares again. _”_

Steve makes a pained expression before he looks away. He lets out a heavy sigh as he lifts his head to meet Tony’s eyes. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Well, it’s not about you so feel free to have your existential dilemma some other time.” Tony shakes his head. “Right now, you need to go in there with a goddamn smile on your face, see exactly what she remembers. You and her are the only two that know what happened in there. If she truly remembers nothing, let her have peace. I’m going to go see what the doctor's plan is so I can get her home.”

Steve glares at Tony as he turns on his heel and walks away. He wants to shout after him, but can’t string the thought together fast enough. 

What could he even say? Tony’s right, this isn’t about him. All the guilt he’s carrying and the pain he’s in? Steve can't let you see it. You don’t need that, you need to heal. He needs to be strong for you, like he wasn’t in that room. Make sure that you’re going to be alright.

Letting out a steadying breath, he pushes open the door to your room and heads back in.

***

“I want to help you fill in the blanks, because you’re missing some time, darling.” Steve tells you, gently settling himself into the chair. “It’s actually a few days after Christmas, the thirtieth.”

“How?” You ask softly. How has it been months? How is it that the last thing you remember is the day after Steve’s birthday? And he’s telling you it’s the thirtieth of December? Your head feels like it’s spinning with all the questions you have forming in your mind.

When Steve asks you what you remember, you answer honestly. You close your eyes, recalling the memory. “The morning after your birthday. After I made breakfast, we went for a ride into town. James wanted that fudge ice cream from the shop there? We offered to pick it up so you could take your bike out again.”

Steve smiles at you as he moves from the chair to sit next to you on your bed. “And anything else?”

Furrowing your brow, you uncertainly shake your head. “It’s fuzzy, I remember flashes of things. Everyday things, really.” You fidget with the edge of your blanket anxiously. “Steve, what happened at the compound? Why did you say it was _finally reconstructed_? What happened to me? Why don’t I remember anything?”

He crosses his arms, setting his shoulders in a tense line. “I know you have a lot of questions, sweetheart and I’m going to answer them all for you. I just want to make sure the doctors have cleared you before I jump into anything that may overwhelm you.”

That frustrates you more than you can explain. You open your mouth to argue when Tony pops his head back in with a smile. “Doc wants to do an MRI, a few blood tests too. But! He says if everything checks out, you can go home tomorrow.”

“That’s great news.” Steve smiles encouragingly. “And once you’re home, I’ll tell you everything.” You don’t catch the glare that Tony throws in Steve’s direction, you’re too focused on trying not to let your frustration show. 

***

_Schmidt wraps his hand around your throat, pushing you aggressively against the wall. “Tell me Captain,” he calls out over his shoulder. “How does it feel to be powerless against me? To know that you’ve been drained of so much blood that you’re weaker than your broken and bloodied verlobte.”_

_He uses his free hand to punch you in the stomach without warning. You can’t draw in enough air to scream, the only sound that comes out of you is a strangled yelp. “You can’t stop me even without the cuffs.” Schmidt taunts, twisting his upper body to glare at Steve._

_Tears are falling freely onto Steve’s cheeks now. “Please,” he sobs brokenly. “Hit me… hurt me. I… I love her.”_

_Everything flashes again and this time, you know you’re not going to survive what’s happening to you. “I’m not... leaving this room with you, darling. You know that.” You close your eyes for a second, letting out a sob as Steve scrambles back to you._

_You watch him drop to the floor and carefully cradle you in his arms. “Don’t talk like that, you’re going to be alright, you’ll see.” He gently moves your hair away from your face. He sobs when his hand comes away crimson with your blood._

_“You can’t leave me, not when we were finally going to get married and...“ He sniffles. “Don't make me do this, sweetheart. Don’t ask me to say goodbye to you.”_

_“_ Beg me _.” Schmidt commands, pressing the pistol against your head. You spin around, confused when you’re no longer staring at Steve’s face. You’re in the compound, what’s left of it anyway._

_You close your eyes, feeling your heart hammering in your chest, and do as you’re told. “Please don’t hurt Tony. I’m the one you want.” You beg softly, letting a few tears slip down your face. You swallow and try to even out your ragged breathing before speaking again. “Kill… kill me instead.”_

_Schmidt chuckles darkly, touching your cheek with his free hand. “Look at me, liebchen.” He orders. When you don’t obey, he presses the pistol harder against your skin. Your eyes fly open and he smiles. “Trust me, I will kill you. You’ll beg for death when this is done and I will oblige, slowly. But first, I will take everyone from you.”_

_Without moving the gun, he crouches down to meet your eyes. “Your precious Captain is already dead. Shot between the eyes in his office.”_

“NO!” You push yourself up in the bed and glance around wildly. Steve is by your side in an instant, pushing your hair away from your face. You can’t even out your breathing, you’re too panicked. It couldn’t have been a nightmare, it felt _so real_. 

“Darling, are you alright?” Steve asks frantically. “Talk to me, please.” He presses a button on the control panel near your bed, flooding the area with soft light. 

You run your fingers through your hair as you stare up at him. What you saw has to be memories. But of _what_ exactly? “Is _he_ dead?” You ask softly, knowing that Steve will understand exactly who you mean. 

“Yes.” He answers simply. As relief courses through you, another memory shocks you. 

_You fire off a round with the last of your strength, aiming for Schmidt’s forehead. Your vision blurs, knowing it took too much out of you to stand. Schmidt staggers backward and for a moment, you’re afraid you’ve wasted your shot._

_When you see blood trickle from the spot between his eyes, you let yourself fall to your knees. Schmidt’s body pitches backward and Steve scrambles to get out of the way._

You audibly gasp. “Steve, I… I shot him.” When he nods, confirming what you’ve remembered, you lean back in the bed feeling a little overwhelmed. “I need to know what happened.” You tell him softly. “How did I end up like this? How -”

Steve holds up a hand and settles down on the bed. “Schmidt attacked the compound. Nearly destroyed it. You saved Tony’s life but Schmidt got away. We kept hunting him and eventually, we found him.” 

He rubs at his beard, anxiously. “You and I were… taken. It was rough, we got pretty banged up. Near the end of it all, you shot him. He pushed you, you hit your head when you fell. You took him out but I was so afraid… You were pretty hurt, sweetheart.”

You don’t know what to say to that. _Schmidt’s dead. He’s finally dead._ The nightmare is over. Nodding, you give Steve a reassuring smile. “And you were alright?”

“Don’t worry about me darling, my only concern was you.” Steve threads his fingers through yours. “Everyone has been so worried. We were afraid…” He trails off as he glances out the window. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re awake and you get to come _home._ ”

He’s not telling you everything. You can see it in the way Steve’s jaw is clenched and how he’s holding tension in his shoulders. “Sweetheart -” 

“How about we try and go back to sleep?” He suggests, lightly. “I know it’s a lot to process.” 

Maybe he’s right. Maybe he’s not hiding anything, he has no reason to. You’re exhausted and a little overwhelmed to be honest. Once you’re home, Steve will tell you everything, as he promised.

***

In a way, the compound looks the same as it always has. An imposing structure, safe and secure. As the chopper lands on the roof, you smile at Steve and Tony. It feels good to be home. They were both uncharacteristically quiet on the ride back, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

Everything is a jumbled mess in your head. Flashes and memories of Schmidt attacking you and Steve, the destruction of the compound, you and Bucky being threatened. It’s confusing and each time you’ve asked Steve or Tony about it, they’ve changed the subject. Thus, leaving you with an overly quiet ride home. 

Steve carefully helps you out of the helicopter and guides you inside. “Let’s get you settled,” he murmurs, letting you use his arm to steady your walking. “I’m sure the ride took a lot out of you.”

Tony clears his throat behind you and meets your eyes when you turn. “I’ve got a few calls to make, Ace. You need _anything_ , tell F.R.I.D.A.Y. and I’ll be right there. No matter what time it is.” He leans forward and carefully wraps his arms around you. 

“Thank you, Anthony.” You tell him as he pulls away. He heads into the building with a smile on his face. You glance up at Steve with a smile. “The older Tony gets, the more he reminds me of Howard. Don’t you think? He's taking after his father more than he’d like to admit.”

You don’t notice the way Steve’s jaw clenches when you bring up Tony’s father. You carry on without concern.

“Did Tony tell you that he’s donating a new batch of medical equipment to the hospital? It’s so sweet of him. It just reminds me of how Howard paid for the medical expenses for the Commandos after the war was over. He had told me that he wanted to do whatever he could, especially with -” You turn to him sadly. “Well, with you gone. He wanted us to be taken care of.”

Steve remains silent as you stare up at him. He didn’t know that. In everything he’d read about the Commandos once he’d woken up, there was nothing to say just how much Howard had taken care of them. Irrational anger burns hot in his stomach. 

Steve already feels like you would’ve been better off with Howard, and now to hear how he had taken care of the Commandos as well? Steve knows it shouldn’t bother him, he wasn't in any position to help. But after everything you both have endured, hearing you speak about Howard with such affection in your voice sends him down a spiral of anger that he wasn’t expecting. 

“Are you alright?” You ask him, concerned by the frustration you see on his face. “What’s wrong?” When he shakes his head and assures you that it's nothing, you both walk the rest of the way to your suite in silence. _Was it something I said?_

Once he’s entered the code to open your door, he gently presses a kiss to your temple. “Welcome home, sweetheart.” You lean into his touch, happy to be home, happy to be safe. “I love you.”

***

About a week after being home, you’re trying to acclimate yourself back to life with the rest of the team. Everyone seems to be avoiding you and when they can’t, the conversation is purposely light and happy. 

It’s driving you insane. You remember more and more of what happened with each passing day; the memories rushing through you and leaving you horrified. 

Steve refuses to answer your questions whenever you ask. You haven’t told him what you’re remembering, it’s pointless to try. He acts like not talking about it will make what happened to both of you seem less serious. 

It doesn’t. Instead, it drives you further into your own head. 

Further into thoughts of guilt and shame over what happened. Further into a spiral of depression and sadness that you don’t know how to climb out of.

As you sit on your bed, pouring over the reports that Tony has asked you to finalize, you feel a crackle of energy in the room. Loki materializes at the edge of your bed, glancing around wildly until his eyes settle on you. 

“I returned to the hospital and you were not there.” He walks over to you and perches on the side of your bed. “I feared the worst, love.”

“Loki!” You carefully scoot yourself toward the edge so you can give him a hug. “It’s so good to see you!” You exclaim as you wrap your arms around him. “How are you?”

“ _How am I?”_ He chuckles, shrugging out of his suit jacket. “I am perfectly fine. I’m not the one who had the brush with death. How are _you_ , pet? I am pleased to see that what I was able to do has made a difference in your healing time. The Captain must have been so relieved when you finally opened your eyes.”

 _Brush with death?_ You sit up straight in the bed, furrowing your brow. “My healing time? Loki, what are you talking about?”

Loki’s expression changes from one of pride to intense concern. “Has the Captain not shared with you the details of your ordeal?” He asks as he raises an eyebrow in your direction. “I apologize if he hasn’t. I did not mean to speak out of turn. Perhaps I have said -”

You let out a frustrated sigh. “No one will tell me what’s happened. Steve and Tony look at me like I’m going to break into a million little pieces. But I remember more and more each day. And Loki, what I remember terrifies me.” At that, his widened eyes soften.

“I deserve answers and they won’t give them to me. So if you can fill in the blanks for me, _please."_ Your words come out in a small whisper. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“If that is what you wish, love.” Loki sighs, folding up the sleeves of his shirt. “I will tell you what I know. But you must promise me that you will speak to the Captain about this. What you endured, horrified even me.”

He lets out a deep sigh before he speaks again. “When I confronted the Captain, he told me that Schmidt had taken you both, tortured you for days. He fought with Schmidt, but he was not strong enough to stop that bastard from hurting you. He told me that he begged for his own death, if it would bring about your release from the pain that was being inflicted on you. Schmidt refused to stop, bringing _you_ close to death a few times.”

You feel tears start to well in your eyes as he speaks. You can’t imagine how upset Steve must be. Why would he choose to shoulder it himself and not tell you about this? Was he upset with you? You remembered having an argument before you went on that mission. You know that you had forced Steve’s hand to take action without waiting for Tony.

“I was told,” Loki continues carefully, “As Schmidt and the Captain were fighting, you were the one to take aim and kill him.” You nod, knowing that Steve has confirmed that part already.

“In the aftermath, the Captain did not know how extensive your injuries were, until it was too late.” He reaches his hand out for yours, letting his face take on a somber expression.

“When Stark found the two of you,” he explains, glancing to the floor. “The Captain thought you were already dead. Your heart had stopped. Stark’s suit was able to restart it, but you had sustained too much damage to be able to properly recover.”

Your breath catches in your throat. “Loki, are you telling me that I died?”

He nods solemnly. “Stark informed me that your heart stopped twice. The Captain could not bear to tell me.”

Loki turns his head for a moment, needing a second to compose himself. “You must understand, love. When I arrived in the hospital, you were not breathing on your own. You had already endured two surgeries but your brain was still swelling, leaving you with a less than positive prognosis.” 

He meets your eyes with a grim smile. “That along with the punctured lung, fractured ribs and various other injuries, the Captain was certain he would never see you again.” 

You cover your mouth with your hand in horror. Steve had certainly glossed over your injuries when you asked and Tony had ushered you out of the hospital as soon as he could, before you could ask too many questions.

“I offered to help,” Loki squeezes your hand. “I could not allow the one person in all of Midgard that truly trusted me, to succumb to injuries that she did not deserve. I used my magic to heal what your modern science could not. You did not wake when I was finished but you no longer needed the assistance of a machine to breathe. After that, it was just a matter of time before you came back to us.”

You find yourself speechless. Loki furrows his brow when he sees how upset you are. “I’m sorry you did not know this. I did not intend to cause you further stress, my dear.”

“It’s not your fault.” You tell him, crossing your arms in frustration. “Steve gave me the barest explanation possible and Tony just avoids the topic everytime I ask. Why would they hide this from me? It happened _to me._ I have a right to know.”

Loki stands from his spot on the bed and begins to slowly walk back and forth. “I do not think it was right of them to conceal what happened to you, but I’d be lying if I told you I did not understand why. You have no idea the effect almost losing you had on the Captain. On Stark. On _me._ ”

When you tilt your head in confusion, Loki turns to you with sadness in his eyes. “We almost lost you, pet. I choose to believe that Stark and the Captain did not wish to force you to remember every horror you endured at Schmidt’s hands. I know you said you’ve been remembering more and more each day. It’s not just, but if I were in their shoes, I would have hoped to spare you the memories as well.”

You shake your head, feeling a small swell of anger in your chest. “ _It doesn’t matter._ I should have known, Loki. I know that Schmidt didn't go easy on Steve either. He may heal faster than I do, but I remember that Schmidt was draining his blood. He was hurt just as badly as I was. Is he supposed to carry _that_ knowledge alone?” 

You swing over the side of the bed and rise from it. “We are supposed to be _partners._ How am I supposed to trust him, be his wife, if Steve’s going to hide things from me? Especially things like this.” 

Loki pulls you to him, wrapping you in a hug. “The Captain loves you more than his own life. You know that.” 

“But if he can’t share with me the ugly parts of all of this…” You pull away as you blink back tears. “Then where does this leave us? How can I marry a man that doesn’t trust me?” 

Loki eyes you warily. “The Captain does trust you, love. He confides in you with everything. But I feel as he must have, that this was just too much to handle at once. Perhaps -”

“So you’d all rather I remember what happened in nightmares? Loki, they terrify me so much I wake in a cold sweat.” Loki flinches at the harshness in your voice. “You’d rather I feel alone in this?” 

You let out a heavy sigh when you realize how much you've snapped at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s alright, love.” Loki interrupts softly. “I did not mean to upset you. Would you like me to speak with the Captain?”

You shake your head as you glance at your door. “Thank you but no. I have to do this on my own. Steve and I have much to talk about.”

Loki smiles as he leans over and hugs you once more. “Alright pet, I have a few things to discuss with Stark so I will be here for a little bit. I’ll let you gather your thoughts. What do you say to a cup of tea when I’m finished?”

“I’d like that.” You agree, settling back down on the bed. Loki smiles and materializes out of sight. You lean your head back against the headboard and close your eyes. Your thoughts are racing through your head. Loki gave you much more information than anyone else had since you’d been home but you’re sure he still glossed over some of the gruesome details. 

An idea starts to form in your mind. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” You call out. “Are you here?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The A.I. responds. **“** May I just say, welcome home. Everyone is very happy to see you.”

You smile before you answer. “Thank you, F.R.I.D.A.Y.. Do we have the mission report from the last assignment Captain Rogers and I were on?”

“Yes ma’am. Captain Roger’s report is complete, as well as Mr. Stark’s follow up.” The A.I. pauses, as if she doesn’t want to tell you the next part. “I also have access to the surveillance footage from the base where you were held. It has been hidden from SHIELD’s database. I must warn you, the footage is rather graphic. Mr. Stark has not attempted to view it due to my warning.”

You push yourself up and slide out of the bed. Grabbing your robe from the chair next to your bed, you quickly wrap it around yourself. “Please send everything to my office. The files and the footage as well. I’m heading there now.” You open the door to your room and peer out into the hallway. “Do not tell anyone what I’m doing, please.”

***

Once you’re in your office, you lock the door and settle into your chair. The files are clinical and by the book; a trademark for Steve but when you find Tony’s written the same way, you feel uneasiness in the pit of your stomach. Tony’s mission reports are usually more _colorful_ in their tone. You’ve rolled your eyes many a time at the way he debriefs. 

This report was cold and unfeeling, so unlike Tony that you double checked to ensure it was his and not Steve’s version of events. Neither written report gives away too much detail and Steve’s mentions close to nothing about the damage either of you sustained. _Did they doctor their reports? Why? Was it that bad?_

Shaking your head, you close the documents and ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to pull up the footage. You’re able to see everything; from the moment you and Steve were locked in the room to the moment Steve carried you out. You feel your eyes welling with tears each time Steve pleads with Schmidt for your life.

It takes hours to get through it all and there’s plenty you have to fast forward through because you can’t bear to see it. Just hearing Schmidt taunting the two of you sends shivers down your spine. 

By the time you’re done, you’re openly sobbing. Seeing what was done to Steve and being able to fill in the blanks about your own injuries is heartbreaking. You knew it had to be bad for Steve and Tony both to avoid telling you about it, as well as lie on official documentation. 

You just had no idea how _brutal_ Schmidt had been. Guilt blossoms in your chest; this is your fault. You pushed Steve. You caused his pain.

But then despite the overwhelming anguish you feel, you can’t help the anger that flares inside of you. Did they feel like you couldn’t handle the truth? That you were better off having a thousand unanswered questions and spotty memories than honesty from the people you care about most? 

Maybe Steve really doesn’t trust you. Maybe Tony knew you were too fragile, too weak to deal with what actually happened. 

But then, they’d both seen how badly you’d handled your reaction to Schmidt before. Maybe they just didn’t want to deal with you. You can’t exactly blame them, it _was_ your fault that you and Steve were in that mess in the first place. 

Your fault that Steve was forced to beg for your life after being drained of his own blood. Your fault that Tony had to miss his honeymoon to come and rescue you. 

Wiping the tears from your face, you let out a steadying breath. After watching that, you believe you don’t have a right to be angry. After your recklessness and refusal to cooperate with Schmidt’s demands, you know that they _must_ be angry with you. 

As much as you want to tell them that you’ve seen the footage, if Steve and Tony don’t want to talk about it, you know you have nothing that will be able to justify what happened. You want to crawl back into your bed and sleep for days. 

F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s soothing voice pulls you from your oppressive thoughts. “Ma’am, your elevated heart rate tells me that you’re feeling stressed. Take a few deep breaths, please.”

You do not want her to call for Steve or Tony. You aren’t prepared to deal with either of them just yet. “That reminds me.” The A.I. tells you. “You have three messages from the fertility specialist you saw previous to the mission. Would you like me to play them for you?”

“Yes, please.” You answer, leaning back in your chair. _After everything awful that’s happened, please please let there be some good news._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Who thinks it's good news?


	70. Chapter Seventy

The room is spinning as your doctor speaks. Her kind eyes stare at you from a suitable distance in the room, close enough to see your reaction but far enough to be removed from the aftermath of the news.

“Yes, this is why we wanted to get you in here, so we could speak in person. It’s never an easy conversation to have.” You hear her say, as she glances down to your chart. “But it’s simply impossible, I am so sorry.” 

You aren’t truly processing what she’s saying to you after that, even when her hand rests on your shoulder in an effort to comfort you. The gesture feels cold and detached after she’s just delivered information so devastating that for a moment, you wish you had never woken up from your coma. You blink back tears that threaten to spill as you attempt to clear your mind and appear present once again.

“Adoption is always an option for you and the Captain. I don’t believe that you would get _any_ pushback from an agency.” She steps away, tucking your chart under her arm. “If you like, we can step into my office and discuss your alternative options for the future.”

 _The future._ It takes everything in you to not laugh bitterly in her face. This particular future may not have been for everyone, but it was something that you and Steve had wanted so desperately. And now, you’ve all but destroyed that. 

You won’t have a _future_ with him once he finds out. He won’t want you once he understands how broken you believe you are.

“Thank you, but no.” You turn her down gently. “I have to get going, actually. But another time, maybe.” You slide off the table and pick up your coat, expectantly waiting for her to leave the room.

Your doctor hesitates, her lips pursed as if she’s about to scold you like she would a child. Instead, she twists her lips into a sad smile and gingerly walks toward you. “I know this can seem overwhelming. I’d really like it if we could speak further. I can help assuage any anxiety you might be feeling. And I’d be happy to set up an appointment to speak with you and Captain -”

“ _No_.” You interrupt in a tone harsher than you intended. “Captain Rogers and I are very private. I’ll be discussing this with him when I get back upstate.” She opens her mouth to protest and you silence her with a dismissive stare. She nods sympathetically and steps out of the room. 

As you slip into your coat, you finally allow yourself a few tears. You have no idea how you’re going to tell Steve about this. He already thinks you couldn’t handle knowing what happened with Schmidt. You can’t imagine what would happen when he realizes that he’s trying to protect a damaged shell that won’t be able to give him the thing he deserves most, _a family._

When you slide into the back of the town car, you decide not to tell him. Not yet. It may not be the best thing for you to do, but if Steve can decide that you’re not ready to know what happened when you were taken, you can make the choice not to tell him about this. 

And if you’re honest with yourself, despite how angry you still are with him, you’re not ready to see Steve’s opinion of you change. 

***

For the first few days after the doctor’s office, you make your excuses to stay in your room or your office while everyone else congregates in the common areas of the compound. You successfully avoid Steve, Tony, even Bucky when they look for you. Thankfully, F.R.I.D.A.Y. doesn’t question you when you ask her to place your office on Do Not Disturb. 

You pour over the reports from the mission, rereading every line until you can recite them from memory. You obsess over the agents lost in the line of fire, promising yourself that you’ll personally reach out to each family. No matter how upset they’ll be with you, Steve or S.H.I.E.L.D., you owe it to them to see that each family is healing as best as they can.

No one questions you, at first you think they are just giving you your space. But in your efforts to hide from everyone, you don’t see how isolating it is or what it's starting to do to your already deteriorating mental state. 

In the long hours spent in your office, your mind wanders. You think of the fight you had with Steve and Bucky before the mission, how frustrated they’d both been when you refused to back down about hunting Schmidt together. 

You can’t help but wonder what would have happened if you _had_ backed down. If you hadn’t gone with them and stayed behind in the tower, perhaps none of this would have happened. 

If Schmidt had seen that you weren’t on the mission, would he have waited to make his move? But the second you think it, you shake your head. He wanted you dead, but he _needed_ Steve’s blood. The only reason Schmidt allowed you to keep breathing was to ensure Steve’s compliance. 

If anything, it was worse that you were there. When Schmidt was hurting you, Steve was willing to do _anything_ to make it stop. That made him vulnerable and weak, something you're sure Steve remembers and resents as clear as day.

You feel like you’re drowning in the sea of shame and hopelessness crushing you. You know you should try to fight it; talk to your therapist and talk to Steve. But as you rest your head on your arms and cry, you don’t see the point. 

Nothing will change how broken and despondent you feel. You don’t deserve to be happy anymore, not after the pain you’ve caused.

*** 

The first week you skip your therapist’s appointment, you hadn’t meant to. 

You’d been holed up in your office for a few days and the date has passed without realizing it. When the office called to reschedule, you told them you’d been feeling under the weather. You felt the lie roll off your tongue with more ease than it should have. You’d absolutely be there next week.

The second week you skip your therapist’s appointment, you at least let the driver bring you to the building in the city. 

But instead of walking into the office, you wait until the town car has driven away from the curb. Once you’re in the clear, you wrap your coat tighter around you and wander the streets for ninety minutes. 

The third week you decide to skip your therapist’s appointment, you tell the driver you won’t be needing him. 

Unable to stomach going into the city again, you borrow Tony’s Audi and just drive. You purposely don’t bother with a GPS, instead you opt to lose yourself in the backroads and small towns of western Massachusetts. 

You try not to focus on the oppressive thoughts in your head. You manage it well until you pass a family playing in the snow outside their farm house. Knowing you’ll never have that and knowing what it’ll do to Steve when you finally tell him, you pull over to the shoulder of the road and sob until you feel sick.

It’s late when you finally get home. Aside from agents running on the grounds, the compound is quiet. When you sneak into your shared suite, you wrap yourself in the quilt at the end of your bed and curl up on the couch.

***

Steve notices when you stop wearing your locket. You haven’t worn it for over a week but you’ve managed to limit your contact with him until he happens to step into the elevator as you’re stepping off.

“You’re not wearing your necklace?” He questions casually, trying not to make a big deal out of it but you can see how much it upsets him. Just like everything else you do. You tell him that the chain is broken, the lie slipping out easier than you expected. Again.

Steve’s face remains impassive, offering to take you into the city to replace it. When you turn him down, telling him you’ll do it the next time you head into the city for your doctor’s appointment, his eyes flicker away for the barest hint of a second. 

Disappointment clouds his features as he carefully steps closer to you. “If that’s what you want.” He murmurs, gently touching your hand.

It takes everything in you not to pull away. For you, the necklace was a symbol of the love the two of you shared. With everything that’s happened, the lies you’re telling each other and the distrust you’ve allowed to be sown, you don’t feel like you deserve to wear it. 

You meet his eyes briefly before excusing yourself and stepping off the next available floor. You see a training room to your left and duck inside immediately. As soon as you’ve closed the door behind you, you lean against the mats and try to steady your breathing. 

Your heart is racing as your eyes scan the room. You’re trying desperately to focus on what you can see and hear around you. Your doctor has taught you how to handle a panic attack but right now, your coping mechanisms don’t seem to be working. Your chest feels impossibly tight as you let yourself slide to the floor. 

Squeezing your eyes shut, you attempt slow, even breathing. You tug your fingers through your hair, pulling it carelessly from the twist you had it in. You drop your head on your raised knees as you begin to cry. 

You feel ridiculous as you sit there, hiding behind mats in the training room, suffering through your tenth panic attack in the four weeks you’ve been home.

After what feels like forever, your chest starts to feel less constricting and your heart begins to calm it’s hummingbird pace. The room stops spinning when you finally look up. Taking a few deep breaths, you wipe your eyes and push yourself to your feet. 

You need to make it back to your office without being seen, you don’t want to have to explain the state you’re currently in. You’re sure that with your mussed up hair and wild eyes, you’d raise a few questions.

Carefully, you peek your head out of the doorway. When you’re sure the coast is clear, you slip out and rush back to your office. 

***

As the secrets you both keep from each other fester into something like resentment, the distance between you becomes cavernous. You’ve made a point to rise before Steve does and be the last person to come to bed. Not that the bed is where you’ve been resting your head. You’ve condemned yourself to the couch or the armchair near the patio. 

By the time you make it back to your room, Steve is already asleep. You sit on the edge of the bed, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he snores softly. You change and wrap a robe around you as you settle onto the couch. You haven’t been able to sleep well since you’ve been home and you certainly can’t sleep in the bed next to him. 

Tonight however, you can’t even sleep on the cushions you’ve fashioned into your bed. With a sigh, you sit up and run your hands through your hair. Maybe if you just take a walk and make some tea? You tiptoe carefully out of the room and make your way toward the kitchen. 

After a few minutes, you fold yourself onto the new loveseat in the common area. Everything in the room is updated and yet, it still has the same familiar comfort to it. You rest back against the cushion and slowly sip your tea. 

You set your mug down when you hear the door to the common room slide open. It’s easily 0200h, who could be awake right now?

Bucky shuffles into view, pulling a dark grey sweatshirt over his head. He freezes when he sees you, his brow furrowing as he pieces together what you’re doing here at this hour. “Uh, hey, Harvard.” He greets you, plastering an easy smile on his face. “Didn’t expect to see you down here. Figured you’d be asleep.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well since I came home.” You explain, unfolding yourself so you can sit up straight. “I thought tea might relax me.”

Bucky moves to sit in the armchair closest to you. “I’m sure the panic attack you had earlier didn’t help any.” You lift your head quickly, embarrassment coloring your cheeks. “I didn’t mean to spy on you, honest.” 

He lifts his hands in surrender. “I just happened to be on the other side of the room when you flew in there. You didn’t see me so I didn’t want to startle you and make it worse.”

You stammer out the best reply you can, given how mortified you are. “James, I… I’m sorry you had to see that. I didn’t mean to -”

“Harvard.” He interrupts, pushing himself up from the chair. “Don’t apologize to me for having a panic attack. That wasn’t your fault. What you’ve been through is enough to give even the toughest soldier nightmares.” He moves closer to you, sitting on the edge of your loveseat. 

When he carefully rests his hand on your knee, you lift your head to stare at him. “What did Stevie say when you told him?” 

“He suggested that I speak to Dr. Ryan, maybe consider new coping mechanisms.” Another lie. But Bucky doesn’t need to know that you haven’t told Steve; if you had been more careful, he wouldn’t have known about the panic attack in the first place. You try to school your face into a mask of innocence hoping that he won’t see through your dishonesty.

After a moment, Bucky nods. If he doesn’t believe you, he doesn’t show it. “Good, that’s good.” He gives you a soft smile before letting out a heavy sigh. “I’m glad that you’re at least talking to Steve about what happened.”

Your shoulders tense up but he carries on as if he doesn’t notice. “Cause I see it, you know. Everyone does. You go to your office and then back to the suite. I was worried that you weren’t talking to anyone. I get that this is difficult but that kind of isolation can’t be healthy for -”

You interrupt him with a dismissive glare. “James, I don’t want to discuss this.”

“I know, but -”

Shaking your head, you push yourself up from the loveseat and cross your arms. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I _really_ don’t want to talk about this.” Your mind moves sluggishly as you try to come up with any excuse you can to get out of this. “It’s late and my tea has gotten cold. I… I think I’m going to try and sleep.”

Bucky slides his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt as you pass by him. “Alright, Harvard,” he shrugs. “I was just trying to make sure you know you’re not alone.” 

His words make you pause but you don’t turn around. If you do, you’re afraid the passive mask you’ve been wearing will slip. “Thank you, James.” You hear yourself say, calmer than you feel. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Once you’ve left the room, Bucky leans back against the cushions again. “No, I won’t.” He counters unhappily. 

***

“I don’t know. She lied right to my face. Told me that she told you all about her panic attack.” Bucky leans in the doorway of his best friend’s office, watching him answer yet _another_ email from the Secretary. “Stevie, you gotta talk to her, man. Stop burying yourself in this bureaucratic bullshit.”

Steve stops typing and glances up into the doorway. “ _I’ve tried_. God Buck, you have no idea how many times I’ve tried.” He leans away from his computer with a heavy sigh. “She won’t talk to me. I don’t know when she stopped wearing her locket. She told me the chain broke on the necklace but…”

“You don’t believe her.”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore.” Steve sighs, rising from his office chair. “She’s barred me from her office, she doesn’t want me in there. I had to have F.R.I.D.A.Y. override the lock so I could get in to try and check on her. If that wasn’t bad enough, when I got in, every picture of us was gone from her desk. I don’t know what she did with them.”

When Bucky opens his mouth to interrupt, Steve holds up a hand.

“I know she’s not sleeping in our bed. Her side hasn’t been touched in three weeks, _at least._ I feel like she… like she isn’t in love with me anymore.” He shakes his head as he trails off again. “And I can’t even defend myself because I did this, I screwed this up.”

Bucky furrows his brow as he fully walks into the room. “What the hell are you talking about? I think it’s physically impossible for Harvard to not be in love with you.”

“ _I_ did this.” Steve explains, running his hands through his hair. “She’s angry with me. I know it. I should have told her what happened to her as soon as she woke up. I just… she didn’t remember and I wanted to spare her the memories. But if she’s having multiple panic attacks again, then she knows. I should’ve been there for her, instead of lying and trying to shield her from the truth.” 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “ _Then tell her that._ ” As intelligent as Steve is, sometimes that boy doesn’t have any damn common sense.

“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” Steve snaps, harsher than he intended. “She takes great pains to avoid me _at all times_. I haven’t been able to see her for more than five minutes since we’ve been home. I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like I’ve lost her all over again.”

“You haven't lost her, Steve. I’ve never seen a couple more deserving of each other.” Bucky promises, resting his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Look, she’s in her office now. Go and _talk to your girl."_

Steve anxiously runs a hand down his face. His thoughts move a mile a minute as he shakes his head. He knows he should have just told you the truth, he should have just listened to his gut. He’s got no one to blame now but himself. “I don’t think that’s a good -”

“ _Go, Captain._ ” Bucky demands sharply. “Or do I need to order you?”

***

A soft knock at your office door makes you look up in alarm. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” You ask softly. “Who is it?”

“Captain Rogers, ma’am.” The A.I. responds, automatically. “I can deny him entrance but, as you know, the Captain has Mr. Stark’s override codes for this floor.”

Your heart thuds wildly against your rib cage as you stare at the door. You’re not prepared for Steve; not prepared to have him stare at you with pity in his eyes when he speaks and certainly not prepared to have to pretend that you still don’t know what happened to you.

“Let him in.” You decide, taking a steadying breath to prepare yourself. When the door opens, you sit up straight in your chair and purposely plant a neutral expression on your face. As Steve gingerly steps into the room, you rest your hands in your lap and meet his eyes. “Steven.”

“Hi.” He greets you quietly, stopping inches from your desk. “Do you uh, do you mind if I sit?” When you gesture to the chair in front of your desk, he slides down into it and perches himself on the edge. 

Watching him warily, your heart twists when you take in the tired lines of Steve’s face and the darkness you see under his eyes.The blue in them seems lackluster in comparison to the startling cerulean you’re used to seeing reflected back at you. “What do you need?” You ask, doing your best to keep your voice steady.

“I just wanted to check on you, sweetheart.” You glance down, your palms starting to get clammy when he smiles at you. “Bucky said -”

You whip your head up at that, cutting him off before he can continue. “ _What did he tell you?_ ” You hiss, making Steve’s eyes widen nervously.

“He told me about the panic attack you had,” he answers quickly. “That you’ve been having them again. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about, well, about everything.”

 _Now?_ Weeks after, he finally wants to talk about what happened? You’re too caught up in your own oppressive thoughts to be able to own up to your mistakes from that mission. And you know you have plenty. _Deflect,_ you think desperately. _I can’t do this right now._

You narrow your eyes, feeling anger start to prickle down your spine. You shouldn’t have lied to Bucky, you should have known that he’s run to Steve. You curse yourself for being so stupid to not check that the training room was empty. “We’re _not_ having this conversation right now.” You tell him in a sour tone. 

Sensing your mounting fury, Steve holds up his hands in surrender. “But, sweetheart. If we could just talk -”

“Get out, Steven.”

He shakes his head slightly, the shock of what you’ve said settling heavily on his face. “W… what?” He whispers, furrowing his brow in confusion.

You push back your chair and stand, bringing yourself to full height. “I said, _get out._ I don’t want to talk to you.” You cross your arms, glaring at him so you don’t cry. _I don’t want to see your eyes when you finally understand that what happened to us is my fault._

Steve leans back in his chair, too stunned to stand. You’ve never spoken to him like this before. In his mind, the way you’re behaving right now confirms it, you don’t feel the same way about him as you did before he let you get so badly injured. 

When Steve doesn’t move, you walk around your desk and make your way to the door. “Fine,” You growl through gritted teeth. “If you won’t go, I will.” He seems to snap out of it quickly as he rises to stop you. 

Before he can open his mouth to argue, you push past him and rush toward the elevator. Your pulse doesn’t stop racing until after you’ve locked yourself inside your suite. Once you’re sure Steve hasn’t followed you, you let yourself sink onto the bed and cry.

A couple of hours later, you hear a soft knock on your bedroom door. You glance up from your book with a soft annoyed sigh. “Go away, Steven. I don’t want -”

“I get the sentiment,” Tony calls from the other side. “But it’s just me, can I come in for a sec?” You consider saying no, you really don’t want to talk to anyone right now but Tony currently seems to be the most harmless option in the compound. You push yourself up as you call out to F.R.I.D.A.Y. to let him in.

“Hey, Ace.” He greets cautiously, shutting the door with his foot. “I just wanted to talk for a minute. I wanted to make sure you're comfortable? See how you’re sleeping?” He pulls his tinted frames off his face and slides them onto the pocket of his shirt. Tony’s babbling, a telltale sign that he’s anxious.

You close your book and cross your arms. “What do you need, Anthony?” You ask, letting a tinge of annoyance slip into your voice. You watch him carefully as he moves to the chair opposite you. He fidgets nervously for a moment until you ask him again, this time you don’t bother to hide your frustration. “ _Anthony_.”

“Alright, look.” He starts, moving his eyes from the floor to your face. “So I intercepted a call from a doctor of yours in the city. Apparently, you left in a hurry when you were there a few weeks back, they needed a signature from you.” You can feel your pulse quicken as he speaks. The only doctor you’d been to in the last month was the fertility clinic.

Tony shrugs carefully, trying to keep his movements and voice casual and calm. “The receptionist told me she tried to call you, but your phone is off. I’m the policyholder for all the Avengers so the call went to my office. Normally, I just let that stuff go to voicemail but, when I saw the call was from the _New York Fertility Institute_ …” He trails off for a moment, watching your reaction intently.

You’re too stunned to speak. “Ace,” he continues, pushing himself up from his chair and moving next to you. “I didn’t know that you were seeing a specialist.” He smiles quickly. “I mean, it’s cool! The old man must be thrilled.” Your mouth runs dry as you listen to him. 

_Steve will be the opposite of thrilled when he finds out._

Tony misunderstands your silence, letting his smile grow wider. “Are you surprising him? Cause Ace, he’ll be over the damn moon. Something needs to improve his mood, cause it’s been _something_ lately.”

“No, Anthony. That’s not it.” You murmur, staring down at the back of the book in your lap. “They told me I couldn’t… that I was unable to…”

You don’t want to tell him, you don’t want to admit it out loud. It’ll break the fragile wall you have protecting your heart if you do. He tilts his head in confusion for just a second before understanding dawns in his eyes. 

Without a word, he wraps an arm around you and holds you. He stays silent for a few seconds until he pulls back and stares down at you. “When did you find out exactly? The office said it was a few weeks.”

“Three weeks ago.” You answer softly. When you try to keep your voice even but fail miserably, your answer sounds weak and broken. A reflection of the way you currently feel inside. “I don’t want to talk about this.” 

Tony shakes his head, ignoring your request. “Cap knows, right? What did he say?” You stare up at him anxiously, silently pleading with him to stop talking. “Ace, have you not told him? Have you not told _anyone_?”

“Anthony, it’s no one else’s business.” You scold him, attempting to build your walls back up without having to elaborate. “I really don’t want to -”

“That’s too damn bad.” He argues, narrowing his eyes when you shrug out of his grip. “You’ve kept this bottled up for weeks? Ace, you know better than anyone how unhealthy it is to keep a secret like that.”

Your eyes flash at him angrily. _I’m not the only one who keeps secrets around here._ “I’m not saying you had to tell _me_ ," Tony throws his hands up. "But why haven’t you told Cap? Or even Barnes for Christ sake. _Someone._ ”

You roll your eyes in annoyance as you walk back over to the bed. “Because I don’t want to admit out loud that I can’t give Steve the one thing I know he really wants. Because if I tell him, I’m afraid…” You trail off before settling on a different sentence entirely. “Because if I told James, he would run to Steve and tell him everything. I don’t want that.”

“Why would he -”

As you perch on the bed of the mattress, you cut him off with a heavy sigh. “I had a panic attack yesterday and James _immediately_ told Steve about it.” You start babbling before you can stop yourself. 

”They’ve gotten really bad since I’ve been home, worse now that I know I can’t have a family with him. I haven’t said anything, but I can’t sleep. I have the worst nightmares when I close my eyes. And what makes it worse it that Steve and I aren’t speaking, I can’t even sleep next to -” You cut yourself off abruptly, realizing your mistake.

Tony’s eyes widen in astonishment, surely he’s misheard you. There’s no way that you and Steve aren’t speaking. And what did you say? You aren’t sleeping in the same bed? The man had his flaws, _serious flaws_ , but Tony knew what almost losing you had done to him, surely Steve wouldn’t let you drift from him like this. 

If he knew about the fertility doctor, Steve would do everything in his power to make sure you understood that it didn’t matter. Because Tony is sure that it doesn’t. 

He crosses his arms as he watches the anxious expression on your face. And your panic attacks are bad again? Tony’s got more questions than he’s sure you’ve got answers for. His lips press into a thin line before he speaks. “Ace, why aren’t you and Cap speaking?”

Your fidget anxiously with the hem of your dress. When you refuse to meet his eyes, Tony crouches and rests his hand on your knee. “Come on, Ace. _I’m_ not gonna run and tell on you. What’s going on?”

You take a deep breath and smile at him, being careful to make your voice light and even. “It’s nothing Anthony, really.” You pray that Tony believes you, you can’t face explaining how ashamed of yourself you are for what’s happened. “We just had a little argument.” It’s not a total lie, you’re sure if you spoke to him, it _would_ end in an argument.

When he leans back on his heels, you can see him calculating whether or not he believes you. “Ace, I…”

“Anthony... Please." You shake your head, meeting his eyes quickly. "I just want to be left alone." 

Tony pushes himself back up and stands, maintaining eye contact with you as he does. “Alright look, when you're ready to tell me what’s really going on, you know where to find me. ‘Cause I know it’s more than that. It’s really not good for you to keep all this to yourself.” 

You watch him step toward your doorway and you let out a small sigh of relief. He may not believe you, but he’s not going to push it.

“And I can promise you, Ace,” Tony vows. “That I won’t immediately run to Steve about it. The man’s not on my priority call list lately.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... It definitely wasn't good news...  
> Anyone wanna guess how long it's going to be before Steve knows the truth?


	71. Chapter Seventy-One

As Steve makes his way down the hall, he sees Tony shutting the door to your shared suite. Irrational anger blossoms inside him, making him narrow his eyes furiously. “What were you doing in there, Stark?” He snaps, nearly colliding with Tony as he turns.

“I _was_ talking to Ace.” He replies, coolly. As he steps forward to close the small distance between them, he gives Steve a withering stare. “I’m the only one she feels comfortable with because I don’t repeat everything to you.” 

The words come out harsh and venomous, exactly how Tony intended them to. “She’s going through some shit right now, Rogers. She _shouldn’t_ be alone.”

Steve’s expression softens for a brief moment. “I know that.” He admits, looking past Tony’s shoulder to your door. “But she won’t talk to me about it. She’s barely looked at me since we got back. I know she's not sleeping in our bed.”

Tony makes a small scoffing sound as he crosses his arms. “Yeah well, can’t blame her for that. _I_ can't stand looking at you, can’t imagine having to sleep next to you.” Steve trembles with fury, balling his hands into fists as he listens to Tony berate him. 

Tony stares at the man's fists and chuckles. “You wanna hit me? Go ahead, see which one of us Ace gets angry with. That poor girl thinks she’s broken because of everything she’s been through and the person that should be helping her through it is out here starting shit with me.”

“Stark, I swear -”

Hearing the commotion outside, you open your door slightly to hear Tony arguing. “Tony, is everything okay?” When you stick your head out to make sure he’s alright, you’re shocked to find that he’s arguing with Steve. Your fingers freeze on the edge of the door.

“Everything’s good, Ace.” Tony assures you with a disarming smile. “Cap and I were just having a chat.”

Steve takes the opportunity to cut in, trying to get your attention. “It’s alright sweetheart, we were just -”

“I wasn’t talking to you, Steven.” You glance at him briefly before turning your gaze back to Tony. “I just wanted to check on _you_. I heard the shouting.”

Tony smiles again, reaching out to casually touch your arm. The gesture makes fury and something dangerously close to jealousy flare hot in Steve’s stomach.

“Don’t worry about me.” Tony promises. “I’ve got everything handled.” You nod and without another word, close your door and lock it. 

When Tony turns back to Steve, the expression on his face is smug and triumphant. “Exactly the point I was trying to make, Rogers. You have _no idea_ what she’s going through.”

He rolls his eyes in annoyance. “You know, when I cautioned you to not tell her all the gory details, I didn’t mean for you to push her away. She thinks she’s all alone.”

“ _She’s not._ ” Steve grinds out, gritting his teeth furiously. “I’m here for her, in any way she needs me to be.”

Tony pushes past him, completely done with the conversation. “ _Does she know that?_ ” He growls over his shoulder, mirroring Steve’s tone from moments before.

 _Of course she does_ , Steve thinks, turning on his heel in the direction of your room. _Right?_

As soon as Tony is out of sight, Steve types in the code to the room. When he gingerly steps inside, expecting to immediately be kicked out, he’s surprised to see no sign of you.

His eyes scan the room, brow furrowing in confusion when he hears the rushing of water in the bathroom. You must be taking a bath.

Steve sinks onto the edge of the bed, dropping his head into his hands. He’s got no idea what he’s doing. He knows that you’re furious with him; you’re remembering what happened when Schmidt had you both.

He should have been the one to tell you, he should have done this differently. _I shouldn’t have gotten her killed._

That’s what he’s sure you’re truly furious about. How could you not be? He’s furious with _himself_. If he had been stronger, if he had been able to eliminate Schmidt before he allowed the bastard to touch you again, none of this would have happened. 

When Steve lifts his head, your jewelry box catches his eye. It’s open, the contents carefully arranged inside. He has the thought that if the broken locket is in there, maybe he can take it to get it fixed for you. He’s sure that having your necklace whole again would bring a smile to your lips. 

He rises from the bed and crosses the short distance to your dresser. Steve gently lifts various earrings and necklaces until he sees the edge of your locket under an old bracelet. When he carefully pulls the locket free from the pile, his heart leaps into his throat. 

The chain isn’t broken. Not on the clasp or any part of the chain itself. _She lied to me,_ he realizes with a shuddering breath. _She_ chose _not to wear it._

With slightly shaky fingers, Steve lays the necklace down where he found it. A glint of sparkle stops him from turning around. He can feel his heart wildly thud against his ribcage as he lifts your engagement ring from the bottom of the box. You haven’t been wearing it, and for some time too, based on where in the box he found it. 

Steve blinks back a tear as he sets the ring back where it was. Something like fear slithers down his spine as he runs a hand down his face. _She doesn’t want to marry me. She’s not in love with me, not anymore._ He’s made a complete mess of this. No wonder you don't want anything to do with him. 

He glances up into the mirror of your dresser and immediately regrets it. Steve hasn’t slept well in days and the aftermath of his exhaustion is beginning to show in his eyes. He lets out a soft huff, finding it hard to stare at his reflection and turns away from it in disgust. He’s got no one to blame but himself.

Steve walks to the bathroom door and knocks softly. “Sweetheart?” He calls out, careful not to let his voice betray the despair he feels consuming him. He hears the sloshing of water but no vocal response. “I’m not going to come in, don’t worry about that.” He promises, resting a hand on the door.

“There’s so much I wish we could do differently.” Steve admits, closing his eyes briefly. “And I… I know it doesn’t mean much right now, but I love you, sweetheart. I do. With all my heart.”

He doesn’t expect an answer, not really, but it still breaks his heart just the same when he’s met with your silence. 

He stays there for a minute or two, resting his head against the side of the door. Steve would give anything to be able to talk to you without you ignoring him or kicking him out. He’s asking too much of you, of your patience, to think that you could stand being in the same room as him long enough to hear him out. 

Steve pushes himself off the door and walks to his dresser. As much as he wants to talk to you, he’ll stay away tonight and sleep in his old room, so you can sleep in an actual bed. He grabs what he’ll need for the morning and slips out silently.

He doesn’t realize how devastated you’ll be by his decision to leave the suite tonight. He doesn't see the tears that will stream down your face when you realize that while you can't bear to sleep in his bed, _he_ can't bear to be near you at all. 

Even though Steve thinks he’s doing what’s best for you, you take it as yet another mounting sign that he doesn’t want you anymore.

***

_It had been a miracle the S.S.R. had found him. It was chance really, that had led to the plane being discovered under all that ice. So the second he was cleared to leave the base, his only thought had been to get home to the woman he loved, you._

_As he walks up the once familiar steps to your shared house with Dot, Steve feels his heart leap into his throat. It’s been ten years since he went into the ice, you may not even live here anymore. He knocks firmly on the door and waits anxiously for someone to answer._

_A tall man he doesn’t recognize slowly opens the door, brow furrowed suspiciously until surprise settles on his face. “Uh, sweetheart?” The man calls over his shoulder. “I think you’re going to want to come in here!” Steve feels a chill of panic slide down his spine. You’re not this fella’s sweetheart, are you?_

_A full head of red curls comes around the corner of the kitchen. Dot stops short, dropping the newspaper in her hands. “Steve Rogers!” She exclaims in shock. “As I live and breathe.”_

_Steve lets out a sigh of relief when Dot pushes past the man in the doorway and wraps her arms around him. “How are you here?” She asks after a moment, ushering him into the house. “What on Earth happened to you?” She gestures to the man to bring in a fresh pot of coffee as she settles onto the couch next to Steve._

_He quickly explains what happened and how he was found, then watches her gaze soften when he cautiously asks about you. He’s nervous, it hadn’t escaped him that Dot didn’t immediately bring up how excited you’d be that he was alive._

_“Stevie,” she begins softly. “I’m sure she’s doing well, but I haven't spoken to that girl in years, since we got into it after she went back to_ Albert _.”_

 _His eyes widen, shock rooting him in place. Why would you go back to your father? The man was a monster. And in what world would you_ not _want to stay in close contact with your best friend?_

_“It’s been a decade since you disappeared.” Dot continues, looking up to meet his eyes. “It was hard after… for her, for the Commandos. We all coped the best we could but she fell apart. You leaving drove her right home to her daddy.”_

_Hearing that sends a fresh wave of guilt right through him. You should never have had to feel like going back to that abusive bastard was your only option._

_She brushes her hair off her shoulder, a gesture Steve recalls she did when she was nervous. “I went after her, we fought, I came home empty handed. A few days later,_ he _f_ _lew up to Boston and brought her home. We haven’t talked since.”_

 _“_ He _?” Steve asks, gently resting his hand on her knee. “Dottie, who’s he?”_

_Dot rolls her eyes as she pushes herself up from the couch. She walks into the kitchen for a moment and comes back with a small piece of paper. “Stevie, I’ll give you her address if you want. But if I were you, I’d just move on and let her go.”_

_“Why? She’s my best girl, I want to see her.” Steve rises, crossing his arms as he stares at her, dumbfounded. “She’s all I’ve thought about since I woke up.”_

_Dot gives Steve a pitying stare, imploring him to listen. “It’s been a long time.” She sighs, handing over the address. “I don’t want to be fixing to start trouble, but you_ really _should leave well enough alone.”_

_He stares down at the street written in soft cursive, uncertainty settling on his face as he tries to place how he knows the address. With another hug and a promise to return, Steve sets off to find you, having no idea the anguish he's about to feel when he does._

_When he pulls up to the address, it takes him a second to recall how he knows it._ He’s been here before. _When he steps out of the jeep, a doorman greets him warmly and asks who he’s here to see. Steve hesitantly tells him your name and the man nods his head._

_“Ah, yes.” The doorman smiles. “But surely you mean Mrs. Stark?”_

_Steve’s blood feels like ice in his veins. He must’ve heard incorrectly. You didn’t marry Howard, you wouldn’t have done that. “Y… yes.” He hears himself say in a voice he doesn’t recognize. “Mrs. Stark then, if you please.”_

_The man stands aside and directs Steve to the penthouse. His thoughts race uncomfortably as he steps into the elevator._ Mrs. Stark? _There’s no way. There must be some kind of misunderstanding. Dot must have given him the wrong address, must’ve made a mistake._

_But as he steps out onto the floor, he knows in his heart that the information she gave him was correct. Before he even knocks on your door, Steve knows for sure that Howard was the ‘he’ that Dot had mentioned._

_His hand trembles as he rests it against the smooth wood. Steve flexes his fingers to steady his motion before he takes a deep breath and knocks. Almost immediately, Mr. Jarvis opens the door and smiles kindly before shock registers in his eyes._

_“Captain Rogers,” he stammers. “It’s been a long time, sir.”_

_“It has.” Steve answers with a small smile. “I was hoping to speak with…” He trails off, unsure of how to finish his sentence. Mr. Jarvis nods and steps aside to let him in._

_Steve takes a few steps into the foyer, looking around in awe. Howard hasn’t lost his taste for opulence, but he doesn’t see any trace of ‘you’ here. The room is flashy and loud, so unlike the girl he fell in love with._

_Mr. Jarvis inclines his head as he opens his mouth to speak. He’s cut off sharply by a resounding, “_ Oh my god _."_

_Steve whips around, a smile plastered on his face. It falters when you glide into the room, a sour expression scrunching up your nose. “What are you doing here?”_

_As you gently cross your arms, Steve can’t help but stare at you in bewilderment. Even though it's been ten years, physically you look the same, save for a few laugh lines around your eyes._

_But the way you hold yourself is completely different._

_Your dress is scandalously tight, hugging your body in a way you would never have been comfortable with before. And the eyes he first fell in love with have an unfamiliar coldness in them, making your beautiful face seem uninviting and stern. Distaste settles on your shoulders like a weight as you watch him take you in._

_That’s certainly not the welcome Steve was expecting. “Darling, I…” he clears his throat anxiously. “I’m so sorry it took me this long to get back to you. But I’m here, I hoped we could…”_

_When you smile, it doesn’t reach your eyes, something Steve is entirely unused to. “Hoped we could what?” You ask coldly, your lips settling into a thin line. “You left, Captain Rogers. More than that, you left me behind. Now that you’ve decided to come back, you think I’m supposed to… supposed to what? Drop the life you forced me to build without you?”_

_Steve doesn’t know what to say. Your deliberate use of his title instead of his name makes him uneasy. He shakes his head, willing a coherent thought to string itself together so he can answer. “Could… could we speak somewhere privately? For just a moment?”_

_You roll your eyes and ask Mr. Jarvis if he would be so kind as to keep an eye on Anthony. Steve furrows his brow, not understanding who you’re asking about. As if on cue, a young boy with a dark head of hair comes running into the room, stopping inches from you._

_“Mama,” he asks, staring at you in excitement. “Can you please help...” The little boy trails off as Steve catches his eye. “Who’s your friend?”_

_“Just someone I used to work with, my darling.” You tell him gently, not bothering to introduce him to Steve. “Will you be a good boy and go find your father for me? I’d like to speak with him.” He smiles, happy to be given an important task and takes off down the hall._

_“You have a... son?” Steve chokes out, his voice catching on the last word._

_You stare down your nose at him as you motion him into the sitting room. “We do. I had Anthony almost a year after Howard and I were married. He’ll be nine in a few weeks.”_

_Steve’s heart shatters into a million pieces. He’s been gone for ten years and your son is about to turn nine. That means, you must have married just months after he disappeared. He can’t believe you would move on so quickly._

_He watches you sit on the edge of a chair and does the same, his eyes never leaving your face. “Sweetheart, just let me -”_

_“You can't call me that anymore." You reprimand him, letting something close to anguish cross your face for a brief second. Steve blinks and it's gone, a mask of indifference replacing the pain in your eyes._

_"What is it you want from me, Captain?” You snap, leaning back in your chair. “You were dead. What was I supposed to do? It’s not like you and I were married. You never bothered to ask.” You shake your head when Steve tries to interrupt._

_“Howard is good to me and you know as well as I do that he’s always been in love with me. With you gone, I was finally able to see how_ much _of a good man he is." You smile then, letting it reach your eyes as you think of the man you married._

 _"He took care of_ your _team, took care of_ me _when you chose to crash your plane." You spit out venomously. "Howard came after me when I made the mistake of going home. He had the courage to stand up to my father, put him in his place. He saved me, Captain and he brought me back.”_

_Steve’s cheeks burn hot with jealousy. “But you and I were… how could you?” He feels like he’s being frozen all over again; feels the icy shards clawing their way to what’s left of his heart. You didn’t love Howard, you couldn’t. He desperately wishes he had heeded Dot’s warning. It was a mistake coming here._

_“How could I?” You laugh viciously. “How could_ you? _You chose to abandon me. You…."_

_You take a deep, calming breath and start over. "How could you choose to willingly crash and leave me? Someone had to take care of me since you were so obviously incapable. And he did that. Howard picked up the pieces, promised to never do that to me.”_

_You roll your eyes and quickly stand when you see Howard walking toward you. “It was easy to fall for him, he’s given me the safety and security you could never have given me. He’s given me a_ family." _You hiss, meeting Steve's eyes quickly._ " _Would you have been able to do that? The war was always more important to you.”_

_A smile forms on your lips as you hold your hand out to your husband. "Hello, gorgeous." Howard greets you warmly as he wraps his arms around your waist. "My, my Mrs. Stark, you look awfully fetching in that dress."_

_He dips you gently, pressing his lips to yours. It’s a grandiose gesture that makes you giggle as he straightens both of you._

_"Well I should hope so, Mr. Stark," you laugh breathlessly. "You bought it for me."_

_Steve tries his best to not look sick as he watches helplessly. You’re not the woman he fell in love with. It takes everything in him not to bolt for the door._

_“Captain,” Howard smiles once he’s upright. “How the hell are ya? The General called us a few days ago, told us they found you." He claps his shoulder, before offering Steve a drink. "Bet you’re not gonna want to go anywhere cold for a bit, huh?”_

_Steve's mouth hangs open with incredulity for a moment before he’s able to collect himself. He’s reeling from what he’s just heard. General Phillips notified you. You_ knew _he was alive and you didn’t care. Guilt rolls through his stomach, making him feel sick. Of course you didn’t care, you moved on. You had to._

_You’re happier with Howard than you ever would have been with him._

_“Captain Rogers wasn’t planning to stay, my love." You take the glass from Howard's hand and place it back down on the cart. "And we have those weapons contracts to look over. We promised the President we'd have them drawn up by Friday.”_

_You rest your hand on Howard’s arm and he smiles at you, his eyes warm and full of adoration. “I was just about to show him out.”_

_"She's the boss, I don't know what I'd do without her." Howard kisses your cheek and turns to face Steve. “It was good to see you, Captain. You’re welcome anytime, my wife makes a mean apple pie.”_

_You smirk at him and roll your eyes. “Flattery gets you everywhere, my love.” You turn and gesture at Steve toward the door._

_Steve follows you as you make your way to the entrance. “Captain, I do hope you understand that my husband was just being polite.” You turn around to face him and let a scowl find its way onto your lips._

_“I don’t want to see you again. We have a life together, Howard and I. You have no place in it anymore, you shouldn't have come back.”_

_Steve wants to argue, beg, do_ anything _to stop this from happening but the cold glint in your eye freezes him. He's never seen you look at him like that before; it sends a chill down his spine._

_“I understand.” Steve murmurs softly, staring at the floor. He knows he's lost you forever. He could never compete with Howard Stark, especially now._

_“Good, see that you do.” You open the door for him and point to the hallway. “What you and I had was nothing but a silly wartime crush. It's long over and I've moved on to something real."_

_Steve stares at you with glassy eyes. He didn't think he could feel this much pain, it would have been easier on him if you had just stabbed a knife into his chest. It would have hurt less._

_He's not sure what's worse - the fact that you moved on, or the fact that you moved on with Howard. Either way, he wishes no one had ever found him in the ice. His reason for living wants nothing to do with him. Steve can't imagine a fate worse than this._

_"I’m sorry, but I just don’t love you anymore. I don't know if I ever did." The words come out harsh, forcing Steve to stumble backward into the hallway. "Howard is truly the love of my life. If you're smart, you'll forget this address. As far as I’m concerned Captain Rogers, you're dead to me. You died ten years ago.”_

_You don’t wait for Steve to respond before you shut the door in his face._

It’s the slamming of the Stark’s door that wakes him. Steve bolts upright, drenched in sweat, from a nightmare he remembers too vividly for comfort. He wipes at his face anxiously, sweat mixing with tears he didn’t realize he had shed.

That was more than a nightmare, it was… it was Hell. 

Steve pushes the blankets back; he's too warm, too horrified to think straight. Where had that come from? He slides out of bed and restlessly paces back and forth as his thoughts jumble in his head.

It had been so realistic, Steve could feel his heart breaking with each moment of cruelty you threw at him. He knows there's no way he can go back to sleep now. Deciding to go for a run to try and clear his head, he changes quickly and heads outside. 

It's chilly in the early February air but he doesn't care. As he takes off running, Steve welcomes the bite of the cold, lets it spur him onward as he races around the grounds. 

No matter how hard he hits the pavement, he can't shake the nightmare. Can't shake how elated you had seemed without him. How content you were wrapped in Howard’s arms. 

As much as he doesn’t want to, Steve thinks of the months after he _did_ go into the ice. He knows you and Howard dated, knows he proposed. In those months, he's sure you must have been content in your life with him. Did you and Howard sleep together?

It shouldn’t matter, you were your own person; free to make whatever choices you had to. But after that dream, the idea of you being with Howard in _that way_ churns his stomach.

You and Steve were intimate only a few times back then but he had always intended to propose. Maybe that’s how Howard was able to propose so quickly. If he had been able to propose when he wanted to...

Steve lets himself trail off, hating himself for the thought. He's unable to think that that would have mattered to you. 

Everytime Steve lets his mind drift, the memories haunt him. He sees your face twisted in disgust at the sight of him. He hears you telling him, without a trace of kindness, that you don't love him. When you slammed the door in his face, he felt shattered.

When he stops to take a breath, Steve realizes he's crying. He doesn't know what to do. All he wants is to run to you, wrap his arms around you and tell you how much he loves you. He wants to tell you how much his life has changed for the better since you’ve been a part of it. 

_If only that mattered now_ , Steve thinks despondently. He remembers how he felt in the foyer of Howard’s penthouse. The moment he realized he lost you forever had felt like a knife in his heart. The current tightness in his chest has an uncomfortable similarity. 

As he starts moving again in the direction of the compound, he wonders if this is what it feels like to do everything right and still lose. 

The two of you have been through so much together. This can't be the catalyst that destroys what you have. Don't you both deserve to be happy? You're the most important part of his life.

But as Steve's foot hits the walkway, what you said to him in the hallway of the penthouse crashes into his mind. _The war was always more important to you._ It can't be true, he refuses to believe it. 

Then he thinks of the war back in the forties. Because of it, you two fell in love. Then he thinks of the battle he and Schmidt had been fighting for the better part of the three years. That makes up another huge portion of your time together.

But with Schmidt dead, there's no war for him to fight. The realization floods him with something that tastes suspiciously like fear. He's afraid to admit it out loud, isn't brave enough to face what's been glaring at him for days.

Does Steve deserve to have you in his life if there isn’t a war pushing the two of you together?

***

Steve prides himself on his ability to maintain his composure, even when he thinks he's reached his limit. He has no idea until today what the limit _actually_ looks like, when Tony, unknowingly, pushes him too far. 

Fury’s holo-image reflects on the screen at the front of the room, wearing an annoyed and disappointed expression on his face. “Stark, how is it that you stopped manufacturing weapons over a decade ago and our troops are _still_ finding them in dusty caves overseas?”

Tony leans forward onto the table, letting his annoyance match the Director’s. “I don’t know, Nick.” He rolls his eyes, irritating Steve beyond belief. “My old man was making these things for almost fifty years. Just because _I_ stopped, doesn’t mean they aren’t still out there. I can do a sweep but -”

“Do what you have to.” Fury snaps at him. “The last thing I need is the Secretary of Defense on _my_ ass for _your_ weapons being used against our men.” 

Tony nods silently as Fury ends the connection.

Bucky sits up in his chair and eyes Tony cautiously. “Can’t you just track them all down or something?”

“ _Oh sure_ ,” Tony pushes back, lacing his voice with sarcasm. “With the GPS I _obviously_ put into every missile created before my time so -”

Steve slams his hand on the table making Tony, Sam and Bucky jump at the sudden sound. “You just can’t get out of your goddamn father’s shadow, can you?

Tony lets out a scandalized laugh to hide his surprise. “Hitting a little below the belt today, huh?”

“No.” Steve stands and walks around the table to where Tony is sitting. “Don't start with me, Stark." He growls, leaning inches from Tony’s face. "You can pretend to be the hero all you want but no matter what you do, no matter how many lives you _think_ you’re saving, you’ll always be the Merchant of Death.” 

Tony stands, narrowing his eyes. “Ouch, Rogers.” He mocks, crossing his arms. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re _trying_ to hurt my feelings.” 

“If I was _trying_ to hurt something, you'd already be on the floor.”

Bucky steps forward, resting a hand on Steve’s shoulder to calm him. “Come on, Steve. He’s not worth it.” 

Steve takes a deep breath and backs away, following Bucky and Sam out of the briefing room. “I expect an update on the missiles, Stark.” He calls over his shoulder. “By tomorrow. 1700h."

“No can do, Rogers.” Tony remarks, jogging a few steps to catch up with Steve. “I’m driving Ace into the city tomorrow to make sure she _actually_ goes to her therapist’s appointment. _Someone_ around here needs to take care of that girl, since you’re incapable of doing it.”

Steve whirls around furiously, grabbing Tony by the shirt. “ _What did you just say?_ ” He whispers dangerously, effortlessly throwing Tony back against the wall.

Tony’s eyes widen as he aggressively collides with cement. “Woah easy, Rogers.” He raises his hands in surrender. “Didn’t think you’d -” 

Every frustration Steve’s felt in the last few weeks come to a violent head. Every thought of Howard, every comparison you’ve made to him and Tony since you got home, flies through his mind at breakneck speed. Every doubt Steve’s had, every moment that he’s let Tony admonish him, builds to a punishing crescendo as his resolve finally snaps.

His fist quickly collides with Tony’s surprised face. Steve lands two blows to Tony’s jaw before the shorter man can even react and try to pull out of his grip. Blind rage courses through him as he wraps his hand in Tony’s tie, lifting him inches off the floor. 

Wheezing at the sudden loss of air, Tony uses his hands to try and pry Steve off of him. When his efforts prove futile, he has a true moment of panic.

The fury in the Captain’s eyes now reminds Tony of that moment in Siberia when he blasted Bucky’s arm off. Something in Steve had snapped and he had feared for his own safety. Tony thought then, as he does now, that Steve might kill him. 

Tony can’t defend himself like this, the disadvantage he faces is undeniable. He knows he’s truly no match for Steve without his suit and even though he's trying, he was completely unprepared for the assault of a pissed off super soldier. 

If he moves his hands to fight back, there’s nothing but Steve’s fist, wrapped tightly around his tie, keeping him inches from the floor. To let go would mean completely cutting off his own air and Tony’s fairly certain Steve won’t care that he can’t breathe.

As another blow connects with his face, Tony knows he’ll have a hell of a black eye once Steve’s finished. _If Steve finishes_. “Cap, let’s talk about this.” He wheezes, embarrassed by how vulnerable he sounds. Steve only snarls and winds up for another hit. 

Tony squeezes his eyes shut, tensing up for a hit that doesn’t come. He crumbles to the floor in a bloody heap as Steve is wrenched away from him. Tony slowly opens his eyes as he coughs and tries to catch his breath. 

Bucky stands between the two of them, using his metal arm to hold Steve by the shirt. It’s a visible struggle to keep him an arms length away from Tony. “Take a walk, Steve.” He suggests, in a tone that’s _not_ a suggestion at all. 

Tony pushes himself to his knees as Steve gives him a dangerous glare. “ _Now_ , Steve.” Bucky warns, pushing his friend toward the opposite end of the hallway. Steve takes a steadying breath as he slowly starts to walk away. 

Bucky stares down at Tony as he slowly wipes blood from his lip. “I just saved your life, Stark.” He remarks with a smug grin. “I think that makes us even.”

“It doesn't make us even, Barnes.” Tony snaps, rising unsteadily to his feet. “I would’ve been fine, I wasn’t actually worried. Rogers wouldn’t have done any lasting damage.”

Bucky makes a scoffing sound as he stares down at him. “ _Sure._ And the fact that you’re shaking has nothing to do with it, right? _Total coincidence."_

“It’s _adrenaline_.” Tony protests, leaning back against the wall. His trembling hands _are_ due to the terror that spiked through his body moments ago, but he'll be damned if he lets Bucky know that.

“Try _fear_ , Stark.” Bucky steps closer, seeing right through Tony’s contrived bravado. “If I hadn't stepped in, we both know Steve wouldn’t have stopped.”

Tony _does_ know that. Knows it as sure as he knows his own name. He nods his thanks but stays silent, something that surprises Bucky before he goes to check on Steve.

As he slowly walks to the medbay, Tony shivers. He couldn't stop himself, he kept pushing and pushing. There's too much of his old man in him, he supposes. And he knew eventually Steve would push back. 

He just wasn't expecting the look in the man's eyes when he attacked. It had been vacant and glassy, holding weeks of pent up frustration that Tony kept needling at until it snapped. 

He's got to immediately change course.

At first, he just wanted to help _you_ heal. But after that, Tony's going to help fix whatever is happening between you _and_ Steve. Being apart isn't healthy for either of you. And he’s got a feeling he won’t walk away from another altercation with Steve, unscathed.

That means he finally has to watch the security footage from the Hydra base. Tony’s had it for weeks, retrieved with Steve’s shield and your suit. He just hasn't had to stomach to watch it. But if he's going to help either of you get through this, he has to know exactly what happened.

Even if it's worse than he imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's about time someone decided to help these two, huh?
> 
> And if anyone can do it, Tony can... Right?
> 
> Cause it's going to be a real shock for him when he finally understands just how awful it was for you and Steve in that base...


	72. Chapter Seventy-Two

It _was_ worse than Tony could have imagined. Seeing the violent, gruesome torture that you and Steve endured for days, turned his stomach. He had to stop the video multiple times and walk away to keep from getting sick. 

Seeing Steve _that_ weak, drained to the point where he couldn’t move, couldn’t defend himself, twisted something in Tony’s heart. 

He was _such_ an _asshole_ , he knows it. He had no idea how bad it was, no idea how futilely Steve had pleaded for your life, only for Schmidt to laugh and continue his brutal assault on you. 

Tony couldn’t have known how difficult it was for Steve to keep his cool when you were unconscious. He had no idea how terrified Steve had been that you’d succumb to the injuries Schmidt had inflicted on you. 

Until now, he didn’t know that Steve had begged and prayed for you to wake up each time you closed your eyes. He couldn’t imagine the damage it’s done to Steve’s psyche to see you like that. 

And what had been done to _you_. God, Tony couldn’t stomach it.

Schmidt had certainly taken out his aggression on Steve, but the man was a super soldier. He healed quickly, _you didn’t_. Each time the bastard laid his hands on you, Tony’s fists clenched in fury. He was in awe of the fact that you had enough strength left to be as brave as you were for as long as you were. 

The son of a bitch took great pleasure in hurting you. Tony blinked back furious tears, gripping the edge of his desk with white knuckles, each time Schmidt sadistically cut off your air. The bastard knew what he was doing, knew that you wouldn’t be able to survive much longer if he kept it up. 

He enjoyed how afraid of him you were, it was _disgusting_ to have to watch; clearly he got off on the pain he inflicted. And it seemed as much as Schmidt liked his own voice, he loved the sounds of your begging more. It broke Tony to hear the way your voice cracked and wavered with every _please_ and _don't hurt him_ you were forced to utter.

And god, he couldn’t bear how many times you blamed yourself for what was happening. Each time you apologized to Steve felt like a knife to Tony's heart. In what world could you ever think that was your fault? 

He knew now that the two of you were lost in your own dark spirals of guilt and shame over what happened in that base. Tony felt guilty himself for adding to Steve's, _let's call a spade a spade_ , depression and not figuring out yours sooner. 

When Tony got to the section of the video where Schmidt divulged that you were the intended target for the HIVE serum, he audibly gasped. From the footage, he had seen your eyes widen in terror at the implications of Schmidt's plan. He can’t imagine what that must have done to you. What the thought must _still_ be doing to you. 

Tony had almost thrown his phone at the screen when Schmidt had pulled out the mock execution _bullshit._ The raw fear he saw in Steve’s eyes and the _resignation_ he saw in yours was too much to take. If he wasn’t already dead, Tony would’ve killed the man himself.

And when you collapsed after shooting the bastard? Tony could see that you weren’t going to walk out of that room. But god, Steve had _no idea._ You had hidden the damage too well; he’s sure you wanted to make certain Steve could focus on escaping. The pure _anguish_ on Steve’s face when your heart stopped made Tony feel sick. 

“Shit, I fucked up.” Tony had sworn as the video finally ended. He had cringed hearing the way he spoke to Steve in the minutes following his finding the two of you. He didn’t have a right to say _anything_ to Steve yet there he was, blaming the man for something that was no one’s fault but Schmidt’s. 

Tony knows he has so much to make up for. Steve didn’t deserve all the grief Tony’s given him for months. And the fact that he just _took it_ and agreed with him, makes it worse. 

Tony’s been blatantly placing blame on Steve for the damage inflicted on you. Undoubtedly, adding to the blame that Steve already placed on himself. No wonder Steve had finally hauled off and kicked his ass. If the shoe were on the other foot, Tony would have gone after him too. 

Now, Tony’s got to swallow his pride and apologize, hope that Steve truly is the bigger man and will accept just how goddamn sorry he is. But he’s going to help _you_ first. You’ve internalized your anguish so much, not even Steve truly understands how bad it is. 

But Tony is painfully aware that you’re drowning in it. He should’ve offered you a life line right from the start instead of trying to give you space. You need support and closure, not isolation. 

As he powers up his Starkpad, an idea starts to form. At his heart, Tony will always be a mechanic. He fixes what's been broken, makes them whole again. He just needs all the pieces.

***

When you hear a knock on your office door, you raise an eyebrow in surprise. It’s just past 0600h, no one aside from Steve is up at this hour and you know he’s in D.C. for the weekend. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” You ask, shutting the lid on your laptop. “Did Captain Rogers come home early?”

“No, ma’am.” The AI responds cheerfully. “Mr. Stark is at the door. Should I deny him entrance?”

Before you can respond, Tony laughs from the other side of the door. “You _could_ , but then I’d just have to override you, and it’s more work for everyone, really. And it’s too early for that, I haven’t had _nearly_ enough coffee.”

Pushing yourself away from your desk, you roll your eyes. “Let him in.” When your door slides open, you stand and smile kindly as Tony strolls into your office. 

Your eyes widen when you see him. Tony has what looks like a black eye, it's been expertly covered but it's there. You see hints of bruising along his jaw and lower neck. _What the hell happened to him?_

As you stare at him, brow furrowed in concern, he holds out your jacket and purse. You're distracted from asking what happened to him when you notice he’s wearing a peacoat himself. “What are you doing?” You ask as he grins at you. 

Tony only shakes his head and holds out your things. “Ace? We’re going out.” 

“I can’t just leave Anthony, Steve would have no idea where I’m going and I’m in the middle of -”

“Yes, you can. I’ve cleared your schedule for the next two days and Cap won’t be home until Monday morning. He’ll never know you’re gone. I’ve got everything we need in the car.” He rests your bag on the desk and wraps your coat around your shoulders. “Come on, I wanna beat the traffic.” He chuckles, making his way to the door. “And the car’s already running.”

Two days? Where on earth is he taking you? For a moment, you consider arguing with him. You shouldn’t just leave, you’ve been setting up foundations and grants for the families of your fallen agents. But, as you slide your arms through your coat, you turn back to your computer. You _are_ just about finished, you’ve been working diligently for the last few days. 

And if you’re being honest with yourself, you wouldn’t mind a change of scenery. Weighing your options quickly, you grab your purse with a sigh. You click off your lights and jog to catch up with him. 

***

“Where are we going?” You ask as Tony pulls the R8 away from the compound. 

He tilts his head and smiles at you nervously. “Let me get to the highway and I’ll explain.” He offers, turning onto the main road. “But I promise, this is a good thing.” You cross your arms over your chest as you stare at him but don’t argue. 

You fiddle with the radio controls after a few minutes, settling on a local oldies station. You don’t know the song that’s playing but you notice Tony nodding along to the beat. You smile and settle back in your seat. Once you turn onto route 212, Tony hits a button on the steering wheel and silences the sound system. You twist your upper body to stare at him expectantly. 

“Okay, so.” He thrums his fingers on the steering wheel anxiously. “We need to talk and I figured if I tried to talk to you in your office, you'd just kick me out. But if we’re in the car and you have to listen to me then I'll be able to get it all out and you wouldn’t shush me -”

“ _Anthony_.” You cut him off as you raise your eyebrow. Tony shrugs and slides his head to the side. 

Taking a deep breath, he starts again. “Ace, I’m going to say some things that you’re not going to like. But I think in order for you _and_ Cap to be alright again, you gotta hear me out. Can you do that?” 

Dread starts to claw its way up your throat as you swallow. You nod, not wanting to speak. You’re not sure what Tony’s going to tell you, but your mind races through all available possibilities. Does he want you to leave? Maybe the nightmares and the panic attacks are too much for him to want to listen to. Maybe without Steve -

“Hey.” Tony’s voice pulls you out of your own head as he rests his hand on your knee. “Don’t do that, don’t go to your corner. I know this has been hard on you, just let me try and help, huh?” You nod, taking a few deep breaths yourself.

“It was chaos after we got to you.” Tony closes his eyes for a second, leaning his head back against the seat. “And there’s so much that I, personally, should have done differently. I’m sure Cap feels the same. And maybe if he and I had been better, maybe you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation _this way,_ but here we are. I can’t go back, I can only try to fix what I helped to break.”

You furrow your brow as he holds up his hand. “I get why you didn’t want to tell anyone about the fertility doctor. But when did you stop going to therapy, Ace? _Why_ did you stop? I mean, maybe you didn’t want to talk to Cap, but you pulled away from him so much. You’ve pulled away from everyone, we all see it.

"You’ve become a different person, I’m worried about you. And especially after that kind of news, I thought… I thought therapy was helping you.”

“It’s none of your business, Anthony.” You snap, surprising both of you with the harshness of your tone. 

Tony’s shoulders tense up, allowing him to slip into defense mode. “It’s not like you to keep secrets, Ace.”

“It’s not like you and Steve to keep secrets either but I guess things have changed for everyone since _I died_.” You lean back in your seat, blinking back a few angry tears. 

Tony slows the Audi and slides off his sunglasses. “What are you talking about?” He whispers, quiet and controlled. 

Quickly, you wipe your eyes and sit up straight in the seat. Anger lances through you, making you spit your words venomously. “Don’t play stupid, Anthony. I know that you and Steve have been lying to me since I woke up. I just don't know why. Because… _I remember everything._ I’ve seen the… you know what?”

You throw your hands up furiously. “It doesn’t matter. Because if neither of you were going to be honest with me, _be_ _man enough_ to tell me what really happened before I figured it out on my own, I’m not going to bother to return the favor.”

Tony’s mouth hangs open in shock for a moment. He shifts and clears his throat before running a hand through his hair. “Alright, I deserve that. I do. Honestly, I deserve worse because _I_ told Steve not to tell you right away, let you have some peace. I thought it was a blessing that you had no memory of what happened. I mean, he didn't have to listen to me but he was pretty messed up, Ace.

“I could've told him to hang up the shield and he wouldn’t have questioned me." His eyes stay purposely focused on the road ahead. "And I _never_ thought that you'd remember on your own and even if you did, I didn't think that you and Steve would be at odds like you are now. I didn't put it all together until much later than I should've, when you told me that the two of you weren't speaking." 

Tony glances at you quickly, begging for you to understand. “But I was only trying to protect you. I didn’t think and I’m sorry for that. It was just so horrible what was done to you. I, _we_ , wanted to keep you from having to relive it.”

 _What?_ “Did Steve tell you what happened?” When Tony shakes his head, anxiety makes your chest feel tight. “Then how do you… no, no Anthony...

“When Barnes and I got to you,” he explains, his voice quiet and controlled again. “I had agents do a sweep to make sure we had no unfriendlies to deal with. One of them retrieved your suit and Cap’s shield, I know you know that.” Your eyes are as wide as saucers when you nod.

Tony takes another deep breath and grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. “Ace, in the control room of the base, we found security footage. I had the team pull it so we could use it later. I didn’t have it in me until yesterday. I didn’t know how bad it -”

“Anthony, _please_ tell me you didn’t watch it.” You cover your face with your hands as your anger starts to dissolve into embarrassment. You knew he had access to the footage, that’s how _you_ saw it, but you had hoped that no one wanted to be bothered to watch it. 

“I am so sorry. You should _never_ have had to see that. It’s -” You whip your head up in alarm as the Audi lurches to a stop on the shoulder of the road.

Tony twists his body to the side as he shakes his head vehemently. “ _No_. No, Ace, don’t you dare apologize for what the _bastard_ did to you, to Steve. I forced myself to watch every second and it made me _sick_. What he put you through? You lived in _terror_ for days and I can’t even begin to imagine…”

When Tony trails off for a second, you use it to try and cut in. “You saw _everything_?” You ask in a voice too small and unsteady for your own comfort. 

“ _Everything_.” He confirms softly. “From the second the doors slid shut to the second you said, C _hrist... I can’t even say it,_ said goodbye to Steve. You have to know that none of that was your fault. _None of it_. Schmidt was messing with your head, the way he kept hurting you. He knew you wouldn’t let him hurt Steve, he fucking knew.”

You’re too shaken to comment on Tony’s language. He really had seen everything. You watched that footage, remembered first hand how awful it all was. 

“Anthony, I…” You aren’t sure what to say. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But trying to absolve me of my guilt doesn't make it any less real. I pushed him, I made Steve act without thinking this through. I told him we had the numbers, that we could ambush Schmidt. I… I forced his hand.”

“Stop.” Tony crosses his arms in frustration. “First, Cap doesn’t do anything that he doesn’t want to do. Second, that son of a bitch beat you within an inch of your life and you think that _you_ have something to apologize for? Ace, that’s… that’s _insane_.”

“It’s the truth.”

“No, it’s not. He was after Steve’s blood. He knew that hurting you would make Steve compliant. He said as much. You were both pawns in some psychopath’s world domination scheme. You are _not_ to blame.” Tony uncrosses his arms and leans over to wrap them around you. 

“Do you get that? Steve and I messed up by not telling you. It was the easy way out, the coward’s way. We didn’t think about what that would do to you. _We_ have to apologize. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. _But you_?” 

He rests his hand on your shoulder. “Jesus, Ace, you put a bullet in that asshole’s head. You saved Steve and countless others by killing Schmidt. Despite how terrified you were, you _stopped_ him. You have nothing to apologize for.” 

You wipe away the tears you let fall when Tony was talking and nod, not trusting the steadiness of your voice. After a moment, he eases the Audi back onto the road and lets out a soft huff. “Are you pissed at me?” He asks softly, the nervousness in his voice sounding a little like Howard.

You take a deep breath and shake your head. “Yes, but no. I am so angry at you and Steve for trying to hide from me what happened. I had to try to process it all alone because I felt that you didn’t think I could handle it. If Loki hadn’t come to check on me, I would’ve stayed in the dark until I went searching for the mission reports.” 

Folding your arms across your chest, you narrow your eyes in his direction. “I couldn’t crawl out of my own sadness and I’m still pretty sure that Steve is furious with me for what happened. I can’t sleep, I can’t focus. I don’t feel like I deserve to wear my ring or my locket but I feel so empty without them. The panic attacks are bad again and I know it’s frustrating him. Steve -”

“Is _not_ angry with you, Ace.” Tony shakes his head as a few tears fall down your cheeks. “And if he is, he’s an idiot. When we get back, I think you two should talk. God knows, I need to talk to him. Maybe we have one big old group session. Get it all out in the open.” You roll your eyes at his wide smile. “Or not.”

“I _do_ miss him.” You agree softly as he pulls onto highway 87. “Tony, you don’t think he’s angry with me? I feel like I’ve made so many mistakes.”

Tony reaches out for your hand and gently squeezes. “Steve Rogers is completely and hopelessly in love with you, Ace. You never have to doubt that.”

“I didn’t want to, believe me."

After a moment, you sniffle and glance out the window. "To answer your original question by the way, I stopped going to therapy because I didn’t think it mattered. I didn’t think that everything I let happen could be justified this time. I was afraid that… when Steve finally realized I had caused him all this pain, he’d see that I’m just not worth all of this.” 

Tony makes a scoffing noise in the back of his throat. “I told you when you first got here that the old man’s better with you around. He’s happier having you in his life. You will _never_ not be worth it to him. _To us._ I’m sorry that you ever felt any different.”

“Thank you, Anthony.” You smile and wipe your eyes. "So in the spirit of honesty, you wanna tell me what happened to your face?"

Tony shrugs but reflexively tenses, gripping the steering wheel. "Cap and I had words yesterday. I pushed him further than I should've and he finally pushed back." He rolls his eyes. "With his fist. I'll never admit it to anyone but you, but I'm damn lucky Barnes stepped in when he did."

" _What_?" 

"I mean, I wasn’t prepared for it but trust me Ace, I had it coming." When he smiles, it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. "I can admit when I'm wrong. It's just another thing in the exhaustive list of crap that he and I need to talk about. It'll be fine."

Tony smiles again and despite your worry for him, you decide not to push it. “So where are you taking me?” You ask instead. 

“After I watched the footage, and I heard you and Steve talking about your past, I got to thinking.” He shrugs, slowly and deliberately. "Maybe if you had some closure to the life you were forced to leave behind, you’d be in a better place to start the next chapter with him.” 

You tilt your head, waiting for him to finish his thought. “So, we’re going to Boston first. We can say goodbye to your mom if you want, you can show me around, whatever you like.”

Your eyes widen as you take in what he’s telling you. “We’ll spend the night and in the morning, we’re going to New York City. I want you to show me where you lived, where you fell in love with Steve, and you’ll get to give your best friend a proper goodbye. Hell, we can even visit my old man if you want.”

You aren’t sure how you feel about going home to Boston but Tony’s thought process makes sense. And while the thought of showing Tony around _that_ city causes unease to blossom in your chest, the notion that after that, you could see your old home with Dottie in New York and say goodbye to her is enough to trust him. 

“Okay.” You answer softly, leaning your head back against the seat.

Tony smiles and slides his sunglasses back on. “Okay.”

***

As Tony drove, you let yourself drift off. Knowing how poorly you’d been sleeping, when you felt the telltale heaviness settle in your eyes, you didn’t fight it. He nudged you awake once you crossed over into Boston’s city limits. “I know I could figure out where I’m going, but I figured you’d want to be awake?”

You stretch your arms and legs as best you can and look around at the buildings and streets around you. It must have recently snowed, the lawns and medians are still covered with a few inches of fluffy white.

As Tony slows at a traffic light, you begin to recognize where you are. “Up there,” you point up ahead. “Take your next left. I can show you where I grew up.”

You remember the way more clearly than you thought you would, getting Tony to your old street within minutes of when you first told him to turn. Tony slows the Audi in front of a small coffee shop matching your address.

“I lived here,” You tell him as you climb out of the car. “I’m glad they tore it down, honestly it should have been condemned after my mama died. Daddy had stopped taking care of the house years before.”

When Tony glances up from his phone to tell you that the old property was demolished in the 1960’s, you nod slowly. “It’s good that the city turned the land into something worthwhile, something useful. By the time I came back here, with Steve, the place was falling apart. I don’t think it would’ve lasted to present day.”

“Do you want to go inside? Grab a coffee?” The question is more than just a suggestion of caffeine, it’s Tony’s way of asking if you want to stay _here_ in this place filled with tears and memories you’d rather forget. You want to be able to close this chapter of your past with no regrets, so you nod and head inside.

Tony orders as you find a seat in the back corner of the shop. It’s just past 1100h and already, the small space is bustling with college students eagerly pouring over their textbooks. You remember vividly how close you lived to Harvard University; living at home was a stipulation from your father. You’re content in knowing that a place that used to bring you so much pain is now a safe space for students to learn. 

After a few minutes, Tony heads over carrying two paper cups, a small bag and a harassed expression on his face. “What happened?” You ask, standing to help him. “It didn’t look like there was a line, otherwise I would’ve kept you company.”

“No line,” he laughs, sitting in the chair opposite you. “Just some undergrads from MIT. I funded their research last year and when they saw _Tony Stark_ , they wanted to thank me personally. And take a few good photo ops.” He shrugs. “What can you do? It’s for the kids.”

You give him a genuine smile as he hands you a chocolate chip muffin. “ _Of course._ ” You laugh. “ _For the kids_.” Both of you eat in silence for a moment until you set your muffin down and cross your arms on the table. 

“I’ve been thinking.” You start carefully, meeting his eyes. “I don’t think I want to see my mother’s grave. She was never on my side, and I know it was a different time but she tried to discourage me from going to New York with your father. She wanted me to stay here and end up like her; married to a man who hit her and be miserable. I don’t think she deserves any more than the goodbye I gave her back in 1944.”

Tony doesn’t push you. “Ace, if that’s what you want, that’s what we do. This trip was to help you close this part of your life so you can move forward without fear. Boston is a big city, there’s plenty we can do instead.”

Tony’s right. You spend your day exploring the city, visiting both Harvard and MIT. You smile and kindly step away from the camera every time someone stops Tony for a picture. Which is more often than you thought. You roll your eyes in amusement each time he apologizes to you. “ _It’s for the kids._ ” You mouth with a laugh.

By the time Tony checks into your suite at The Boxer Boston, you’re exhausted. You fall asleep the moment your head hits the pillow. 

You have your usual nightmares but this time, they aren’t loud enough to wake Tony. When you walk to the kitchenette to get a glass of water, you hear his soft snores from the next room. You sleep dreamlessly after that, something you haven’t done since you stopped sharing your bed with Steve.

***

The next morning, Tony has the car brought around and after a round of coffees, you’re off to New York City. This ride is far more comfortable; no heavy conversation, just the two of you joking and singing along to music you had no idea Tony knew the words to. 

Once you cross over into New York, Tony directs the built-in GPS to take you to your old house. The house that was more your home than Boston ever could have been. It doesn’t take long until you recognize the street you and Steve walked hundreds of times. 

The bungalow is still standing, still just as beautiful as you remember it. “I had the best years of my old life here,” You tell Tony as he puts the Audi in park. “Mostly every good memory I have from the ‘40’s stems from this house right here. My time with Steve, Dottie and James was…” You trail off softly, wiping away a tear. “I didn’t realize how much I missed this place.”

You roll the window down and stare at the porch swing by the door. “It looks almost identical to what it did when I lived here.”

“That’s probably because the Sinclair’s still own the place.” You turn your head and stare in confusion. Tony smiles as he explains. “In 1946, Dolores Haywood married a lovely Englishman by the name of Henry Sinclair.” 

Your smile grows, you recognize him. You had met Henry; you’re filled with elation that she married him. He wasn’t James, but he was a good man. 

“She passed in her sleep, just a few years ago actually. She was in her nineties. She had two sons, Steven and James.” He meets your eyes with a grin. “I tracked them both down, they live out of state but James’s daughter lives here with her husband and daughters.” 

You lean back in the seat with a content smile. You hadn’t had the strength to look into Dot’s life after you had found out about Howard’s demise. You were afraid that somehow she hadn’t ended up happy or worse, something had happened to her.

It gives you a sense of contentment to know that not only did she settle down with a good man, but she was able to have a family and live a long, happy life. 

Tony sits with you, arms folded comfortably as you tell him stories of your adventures with Dottie. You hadn’t realized how much calmer you’d feel after you let yourself get lost in your happiest memories. 

When you fall into comfortable silence, Tony asks if you’re ready to head to the cemetery. When you nod, he pulls away from the curb and heads toward the suburbs of the city.

Tony drives you to Holy Cross Cemetery in Brooklyn. Once he’s located Dottie’s plot, he parks the R8 and asks if you’d like a moment alone. You do. You walk over to her headstone and gently touch the top of it. “Oh, Dottie.” You sniffle softly. “You have no idea how much I miss you.” 

You kneel down on the chilled ground and fold your arms against your chest. “You wouldn’t believe what’s happened. James is alive! He wasn’t himself for a while but he is now. He misses you too, so much. That boy loves you still. And Steve…” Your blink back tears. “Steve is here, I got my second chance with him.”

Your shoulders shake as you start to sob. “But I’m afraid I've made a mess of things. There’s been so much… Steve and I have been through so much. And I’m so…” You wipe your eyes with your palm. “I’m so tired, Dottie. I just want to be with him and be happy.”

Pushing yourself up, you run your fingers over her name and smile. “Look at me, complaining away. Dottie, I’m so proud of you. I’m really glad you married Henry. He was so good for you. And you had two little boys! I knew you’d make a great momma someday.” 

You kiss your fingers and press them to her headstone. “Now that I know where to find you, I’ll visit. I promise. Thank you for listening to me, I love you so much. I pray you knew that.”

“She did.” Tony murmurs from behind you. “You know she did. If she was anything like you, Ace, she knew.” You smile and wrap your arm around him as he leads you back to the car. “You were crying and I just wanted to make sure…” He trails off as he opens the door for you. “Let’s go see my old man, huh?”

***

Howard and Maria Stark are buried at the edge of a private cemetery in Manhattan. When Tony parks the R8, you notice his hands trembling on the steering wheel. You cover his with one of yours gently. “It’s alright, Tony.” You assure him. “We don’t have to get out if you don’t want to.”

He shakes his head as he stares out the window. “I haven’t been here in over a decade, they don’t deserve that. My mom doesn’t deserve that.” 

Tony walks with you until you reach the headstone. Then, he stands a few feet behind you as you touch Howard’s name. Closing your eyes, you allow silence to wash over you. Things certainly hadn’t ended the best between you and Tony’s father, but you still cared for him. He didn’t deserve to die the way he did. 

“Howard,” you murmur, touching the plaque mounted into the stone in front of you. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry that I didn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved, the way you loved me. I’m sorry about that fight. I didn’t mean what I said, you have to know that.” 

You sniffle as tears start to fall down your cheeks. “You were always a good man. Thank you for believing in me.” You wipe your eyes and stare up at the headstone. 

“I loved your father. In a way, I still do.” You admit softly when you hear Tony move behind you. “He was a good man, I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the side of him that I saw. He was kind, Tony. And so sweet to me."

You lean back against his chest. "Howard believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. He pushed me to do more with my life that I thought possible. I’ll always love him for that. Even when I started going steady with Steve, he was still one of my best friends." 

You smile up at Tony as you nudge his side. "I'm happy that Howard married a good woman, his son is one of the most important people in my life. I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Yeah, his son _is_ pretty great." Tony laughs. "And I'm sure my old man knew you loved him. I wish he had talked about you. I think if he had, he wouldn't have been so damn miserable all the time.” You feel yourself tear up again as Tony rests his head against yours. 

“Listen Ace," You turn to look up at him. "I haven’t _really_ talked to Cap in months but _that_ man is miserable without you. Everyone can see it. Now my father had a lot of regrets in his life, and they turned him into a bitter, heartless bastard. I don't want that to happen to either of you. Talk to Steve, make this right. You both deserve to be happy.” 

With a small nod, you reach up on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek. You give him a soft smile and allow Tony a moment alone with his parents. 

As you walk to the Audi, you resolutely decide to fix whatever has been broken between you and Steve. Schmidt tried to tear the two of you apart, you refuse to let him win. 

You love Steve with every fiber of your being. Being at odds with him these past couple of months has taken its toll on you in more ways than one. You miss the warmth of his smile and the comfort of his body next to yours. You'll do whatever it takes to stand by his side again.

Tony was right, stepping away from the situation gave you the insight you needed. You have so much to discuss with Steve, most of which will be uncomfortable for both of you. But you want to spend the rest of your life with him. You hope he does too, even if you can't give him the family he deserves. 

Tony wraps his coat tighter around himself as he walks in front of the car. When he slides in, he sniffles a little and turns to face you. "I think maybe we _both_ needed this trip, huh Ace?" You squeeze his arm encouragingly as he shifts the car into drive. 

"I'm hungry, you hungry?" Tony tilts his head toward you. "Let's go get something to eat. I know this little mom and pop place near Bryant Park. Best bagels in the Tri Borough area." 

***

You and Tony spend most of the day in Manhattan. You take in the sights; showing Tony where Steve fell on your first date, he brings up the MET and you swing by after lunch.

When you show him the penthouse apartment that Howard kept on Park Avenue, he scoffs up at it in annoyance. "He must’ve sold it before I was born. Which is a pity because it’s the _one_ place I would've liked to inherit." The penthouse has plenty of memories for you; telling Tony about the parties with Steve and the Commandos and befriending Mr. Jarvis fills you with happiness. 

Before you know it, the sun has sunk below the city’s skyline and after dinner, Tony suggests you both head back upstate. “Cap will be home in the morning, you should try and get a good night’s sleep so you can talk to him.” You agree with him as he calls for the valet to retrieve his car.

“I don’t even know where to start.” You confess suddenly as Tony turns onto the highway a few minutes later. “I’m afraid I’m just going to start babbling and nothing I want to say is going to come out right.”

He shrugs as he chuckles softly. “Start with the truth Ace, tell Cap you love him. Tell him you miss him and you don’t want to spend another minute without him. The rest will come naturally.” You rest your head against the seat and let out a deep breath. 

“You should put your ring back on,” he continues. “And your locket. I know you miss wearing them, imagine how much he must miss _seeing_ you wear them.” When you don’t say anything, he presses further. “Listen, I don’t want to push my luck. I think this weekend has been great for you but there’s something that I need to say.”

“Anthony, you’re making me nervous.”

Tony carefully rests his hand on your knee. “In that room, when Schmidt told the two of you about your first locket? I saw the way you reacted when he said it was meant for you all along. The whole _second fist of Hydra_ bullshit? He was just trying to upset you, Ace, and even if that was the intended plan, you gotta know that no matter what it would have been alright.” 

You tense up, feeling anxiety bloom in your chest. You’d desperately tried to forget about this, tried to forget about the devastation you would have wrought on the S.S.R if Hydra’s plan had been successful. 

“How can you say that, Anthony?” You ask him, twisting in your seat. “If James and I were supposed to be partners, we would have dismantled the S.S.R before it could even recover from the war. The worst part about it was that it made sense. No one would have suspected me. Steve’s old team wouldn’t have questioned me and god, neither would Howard. If he had tried to stop me...”

Letting out a shaky breath, you stare at him with wide eyes. “I would _never_ want to hurt your father, Tony. You have to believe that.”

“I believe you.” He smirks in the soft light of the car. “I believe you would rather die than hurt someone you care about. You’re a damn good person, Ace. Don’t let that get lost in the mess jumbling around your head.”

“What if this had happened to me instead of Steve?” You ask, your voice shaky and unsteady. You’d had the thought a few weeks back but had refused to speak it out loud. Here, in the safety of Tony’s car, you voice the concern before you can stop yourself. “He turned into a monster, you and James were prepared to put him down. He did _unspeakable_ things...”

Tony shakes his head and smiles reassuringly. “Get that thought outta your head, Ace. We wouldn’t have let you hurt anyone, or yourself. You have my word. We saved Steve, we would have saved you.”

“ _You already did._ ” You whisper. If he heard you, he doesn’t comment. 

You fall silent for a moment after that, making small talk once you’ve quelled your anxiety. You fall asleep somewhere along I-87 and slowly start to open your eyes when you feel the R8 slowing to a stop. 

“ _Fuck._ ” Tony swears as he pulls into the garage. 

You’re instantly alert, panic flooding your system. “What’s wrong?” You ask, sitting up straight.

Tony turns to you as he throws his Audi in park, his face settling into an expression of unease. He points to Steve’s Audi, parked where it hadn’t been two days before. “Steve’s home early.” He says, with as much anxiety in his voice as you feel in your chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a long overdue conversation between her and Tony. He knew he had a lot of explaining and apologizing to do. Still does, but he's starting with who he's closer to.
> 
> We think allowing her some closure was the start of what she needed to be able to properly address all that's happened. 
> 
> And well, Steve's home early. But at least one of them is ready to talk... Hopefully the other one is on the same page.


	73. Chapter Seventy-Three

_Steve’s home early?_

Your shoulders tense up anxiously as you open your car door. You know you shouldn’t have this feeling of dread in your stomach. You’re an adult, you can leave the compound without telling him. 

But as you fold your coat over your arm, you can’t push down the apprehension threatening to take over. You hadn’t prepared yourself to have the discussion with him that you need to. Not tonight. 

“Good evening, Boss. Good evening, ma’am. It’s good to have you back.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. comments mildly as you step into the hallway.

“Captain Rogers has returned home earlier than expected.” She informs you. “Boss, you did not reauthorize his clearance before you left so he has had no access to my systems. From his elevated heart rate, I believe he is in distress.”

“Why did you lock Steve out?” You turn back to Tony with a raised eyebrow. “How old are you?”

Tony observes your face carefully, waiting for your anger to grow. “I didn’t shut him out of _everything_ , Ace. I just kept him out of your office and all administrative functions.” He shrugs quickly. “ _He hit me_ , it may have been warranted, but I didn't want him snooping around until the two of you talked.”

“ _Anthony_.” You can’t keep the annoyance out of your voice. “He wouldn’t go snooping. Imagine how worried he must be right now. You’ve locked him out of basic systems and you and I are nowhere to be found. If that’s what I came home to, I’d be worried sick.”

To his credit, Tony appears appropriately apologetic. “I was angry, Ace. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” He gestures around wildly. “There’s been a lot of that going around lately. _And_ I thought for sure we’d beat him back.” He glances up. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Restore Cap’s clearance immediately.”

“Sure thing, Boss.” The A.I responds as you walk down the corridor. “Would you like me to let him know that you’ve arrived home?”

As you both step into the elevators, you shake your head. “Where is he now?” When she tells you Steve is in your suite, you let out a soft sigh of relief. “No thank you, F.R.I.D.A.Y.. I’ve got it.”

You tap your foot on the ground, watching the numbers rise slowly. Tony leans back against the railing, arms crossed. “I know you weren’t planning on having this talk with him tonight, especially after the long drive. If you don’t wanna, just tell Steve you’re tired. You’ll talk to him in the morning.”

“No,” You push back, leaning against your side of the wall. “I don’t want to waste another minute. Steve and I need to get everything out in the open and work through this. Schmidt is dead and he’s still trying to ruin our lives.” You stand up straight as the elevator pings. “I’m done letting him.”

As you both step out, Tony gives you a quick hug. “Let F.R.I.D.A.Y. know if you need me, I’ll be right there.” When you nod, he pulls back with a smile. “Good luck, Ace.”

As Tony heads down to the left, you keep a steady pace toward your suite. When you approach, you quickly key in the unlock code and push open the door. 

Steve pushes himself up from the bed as soon as he sees you; relief, confusion and what you think is irritation wars on his features as he regards you silently. “I came home early.” He says finally, attempting to keep his tone light. 

As you walk fully into the room, he crosses his arms defensively. “I came in here to see you, to try to talk to you and you were just _gone_. Half of your things were missing. Clothes, shoes, your coat.” 

When he stares up at you, you can’t read the expression on his face. "My access to F.R.I.D.A.Y. was restricted when I asked her where you were.” His breath hitches slightly. "Where _both_ of you were."

You silently set your purse and coat down on the bed. When you do, he glances down at them quickly before meeting your eyes once again. “What happened? Did you decide to finally leave me? Is he helping you?” 

You're stunned into silence. Leave him? You would never in a million years want to leave him. Where did _this_ come from?

When his voice shakes, your eyes widen in disbelief. “What did you forget?” He asks before you have a chance to soothe his troubled mind. “That’s why you’re back, right?”

“Steven, you’re being a little irrational.” You admonish, crossing your own arms to mirror his defensive stance. “Do you really think I’d just up and leave? That I could be so heartless to just disappear into the night?” 

“ _You’ve done it before_.” He hisses, stepping away from you.

His words hit you like a bullet to the heart. Steve knew you didn’t have a choice, you _had_ to leave home the way you did. When you had finally told him, he had agreed with Dottie; if you hadn’t left with her, in the middle of the night with only a few things, you wouldn’t have left your father’s house alive.

Furiously, you blink back the tears you can feel forming. “Don’t you _dare_ bring my father into this.” You whisper, narrowing your eyes to mask how much he’s devastated you. “That was _very_ different, you damn well know that.”

Steve lets out a humourless laugh. “Do I? Because I don’t think I know anything anymore.” He runs his hand down his beard as he stares at you. “Where were you then? If I’m being _so irrational_.”

This is not the way you intended this meeting to go. The two of you have been fighting for weeks, you miss him. You love him. Can’t he see that? Why is he trying to push you away?

You push down the panic clawing its way up your throat. What if everything you’ve been afraid of is true? What if he doesn’t want you anymore and this is his way of breaking up with you?

Your mind is a cyclone of confusion and fear as you unfold your arms and shrug casually. “Tony took me home so I could -" 

" _Of course_ , you were with him." He throws his hands into the air, letting exasperated annoyance seep onto his face. "I don't need to know the rest. I think I've known what’s been going on for weeks but I just didn't have it in me to admit it." 

You’re not sure where he’s going with this accusation but his tone makes you uneasy. You fold your arms across your chest again, this time more as a protective gesture than defensive.

"Steven, what are you talking about?" You ask, trying in vain to keep your voice steady. “Admit what?! _You’ve_ barely spoken to _me_ in weeks.”

He points a finger in your direction, making you flinch. “And _you_ haven't worn your ring in weeks.” It comes out snappier than Steve intended but once he’s let it out, he can’t take in back. “What am I supposed to think?”

“What are you supposed to think?” You parry back, rolling your eyes angrily. “You’re not supposed to think _anything_ about it. Tony took me to Boston so I could -”

Steve cuts you off, quick and angry. “He said you weren’t going to therapy. Is that true?” He runs his hands through his hair, before letting his arms drop to his sides. “Is that why you’ve been sneaking around and avoiding me?”

" _Sneaking around?! Avoiding you?_ Steven, _you've_ been avoiding _me_!” Stepping forward, you close the distance and let out the frustration you’ve been trying to hold back. “Tony _admitted_ that the two of you have been hiding what happened from me. Did you think that I’d just never remember? Or that I didn’t have a right to know?”

You can hear a growl low in Steve’s chest. _"Jesus Christ_ , it always comes back to him, doesn’t it?” When he narrows his eyes, you can see utter contempt in them. “ _Tony this_ and _Tony that_. What is it about the goddamned Starks? You have feelings for him, don’t you?”

“What is wrong with you? That’s… it’s absolutely _insane_!” You snarl, too stunned by his wild accusation to properly respond. Where on earth is this coming from? “Tony is _married_ , he is in love with Pepper, has been since before I even _existed_ in this time! Have you lost your mind?”

Has Steve been feeling this way even after he was infected? He swore he had moved past this. “And you know damn well how I feel about you, Steven. How could you even think that of me?” 

“Because you’ve holed yourself up in your office, and you won’t speak to anyone but him. Any idiot would come to the same conclusion.”

You don’t know where to start, you’re so flustered. “I… I wasn’t speaking to anyone because the two of you lied to me, _for weeks_! And he was the first person to try and make it right. I _died_ Steven, did you think I wouldn’t find out about it?” His eyes widen as your words crash over him.

“What did hiding it all from me solve?” You ask, venomously. “ _Nothing_. It solved nothing. The nightmares, the panic attacks, the overwhelming feeling of drowning in my own goddamn sadness? I had to deal with it, _alone_ because you refused to see what was happening right in front of your damn face.”

You jab your finger into his chest. “Do _you_ have any idea what _that_ did to me? The _guilt_ I feel from all of this?” Steve’s furious expression falters but you can’t stop. Now, every oppressive thought you’ve had since you woke up comes pouring out of you like water from a ruptured levee.

“So many lives lost because I pushed you to go after Schmidt. Families destroyed, dreams shattered all because I wanted us to feel safe again. Like our safety meant more than anyone else’s. I knew how selfish it was and I pushed anyway.”

Your shoulders shake from the weight of the memories. “I watched the footage, Steven. I saw what was done to you. I may have shot him, but not fast enough. _You almost died_. How am I supposed to live with that?”

Steve shoves his hands into his pockets as he stares at you. “I didn’t want to lie to you, it was unfair of me.” He murmurs, his voice tight with held back emotion.

“But how was I supposed to explain that all to you? How am I supposed to live with what was done to _you?_ What _I_ let happen? Everytime I shut my eyes, I watch you close yours in that fucking base. _”_

He briefly casts his eyes to the floor. _“_ You have no idea what that did to me. So I made a bad call and it’s ruined everything.”

“Ruined everything?” You ask softly, too shocked to comment on Steve’s choice of words. “You haven’t -” 

He pushes past you to leave but you’re not done with him. Despite your jumbled thoughts and vicious fear that _he’s_ done with _you_ , you reach out to grab his arm. “ _Steven Grant Rogers_ , do _not_ walk away from me. We’re not done here.”

Steve freezes, staring down at your hand before meeting your eyes. He's never heard that tone from you before. The fury he finds written on your face unsettles him to his core, making Steve think that his fears weren't as unfounded as he wanted to think. 

He _has_ ruined everything; he can hear it in your voice, see it in the way your eyes glare furiously at him. Whatever love you felt for him seems to be slipping through his fingers faster than sand through an hourglass.

“ _Aren’t we though_?” He pulls in a steadying breath before he rests his hand on yours. He meets your eyes and decides that if one of you has to be the monster that everyone will blame for this mess, it should be him. 

When he speaks again, his words feel like a knife to your heart. “I think we should postpone the wedding, stop lying to ourselves thinking that we’re going to work like this.”

Immediately, you can feel a bright spark of pain behind your eyes. You blink away your tears quickly so he doesn’t see you cry. “If that’s what you want.” You hear yourself agreeing, but your frantically beating heart wants anything but.

“It’s what’s best.” Steve pushes on. “We haven’t been right since… I mean you won’t even sleep in the same damn bed as me. Where the hell do you even go at night? Cause I know you’re not sleeping here.” 

As his fingers try to squeeze around yours unconsciously, you pull your hand back as quickly as you're able to. “Does Tony know? Do you tell _him_ where you sleep? Because you’re certainly more comfortable talking to him than you are talking to me. But I shouldn’t be surprised, it wouldn't be the first time.”

“ _What did you just say?"_

Steve narrows his eyes, pinning you in place with his stare. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you ran to a _Stark_.” 

The coldness in his voice paralyzes you. The last time he spoke to you like this was from behind a glass wall. The circumstances were vastly different but the chill you feel in your heart is the same. He terrified you then, making you run from the room to the safety found on the other side of a steel door.

This time, you don’t back down. Your anger and trembling fists won’t allow it. “What is wrong with you? How can you be so cold and goddamn cruel?” 

You push past the fear and blinding sadness you feel sitting just below the surface and turn yourself away from him so you don’t have to see the contempt in his eyes.

“I wouldn’t have run to Howard if you hadn’t _left me behind_.” You grind out through gritted teeth. “I had no choice, Steven. I can’t believe -”

He spins you around to face him. “Like I can’t believe you dated him. Almost _married_ him! Howard Stark? What did he promise you that made you change your mind, huh?” He throws his hands into the air angrily. “I saw the way he looked at you, every damn day! The whole _goddamn_ base could see it!” 

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. How could he do this to you? Doesn’t he see how much he’s breaking your heart? Doesn’t he care?

“ _How long_ did you even wait once you thought I was dead?” Steve snaps, his tone low and heartless. “Did you even let the line go dead?”

Your hand lashes out before you can stop it, catching Steve across the cheek. Your blow isn’t strong enough to do damage but the shock of it turns his head to the side. As his hand flies up to his face, he blinks furiously, trying to process what you’ve just done. 

“How _dare_ you try to turn my pain into something less.” You let the tears fall now, too irate to care if he sees. “ _I died that day!_ I didn’t want to get out of my bed, and when Dottie forced me to, I spent most of my time talking to your memorial stone. If my father hadn’t written - nevermind, it doesn’t matter.” 

You wipe your eyes as you stare into his, imploring him to listen. “I told you I turned him down when Howard proposed. I couldn’t put him through what would have been a loveless marriage. I _did_ care for him, but he didn’t deserve to live in the shadow of a love he could never compete with."

You blink, letting fresh tears slide down your face. “So no matter what _you_ believe, I _never_ loved Howard the way I loved you.”

His expression softens as he stares at you. If it’s from your declaration, you aren’t sure. “What about your father?” He asks, reaching for your arm.

You twist away from him. “No. You don’t get to do that, don’t pretend you care. My heart can’t bear it.” You wrap your arms around yourself. “It doesn’t matter, Steven. _You left_ , I was alone so I did what I had to! Just like what I’m doing now.”

“What you’re doing now?!” His voice comes out shrill and furious. “I haven’t left, you _aren’t_ alone!”

Steve steps forward, attempting to close the distance between you. If only he knew how cavernous it's become, and how terrified you are that you'll never be able to close it again. 

“I _am_ alone!” You push back. “I’m alone in a time that isn’t mine, surrounded by people who know that I don’t belong here. Nothing is the same, Steven. Nothing. I thought that if I just tried to forget everything I’d lost and focus on you, I’d be fine. But it looks like neither of us can let go of the Goddamn past.” 

Tears stream down your face now, you don’t bother wiping them away. “You really want to know what my father did after you left me the first time?” Steve nods, staring at you with concern. “After I didn’t go home with him or his friend, he sent a letter to the house.”

You close your hands into fists to keep them from shaking. “He _threatened_ my life, Steven! He threatened me and he threatened _Dottie_. Told me that now I had no one left to protect me if he chose to come back. And he would! He’d have me dragged home and make it so I could never leave Boston again.”

Steve’s eyes widen as if you’ve slapped him again. “So what was I supposed to do?” You ask, your voice breaking. “I had _no one_! James was dead, you were dead.” 

As he reaches out for you, you pull away and hold up your hand to stop him. “I couldn’t go to the police, my father _was_ the police. Dottie and I wouldn’t have stood a chance against him, especially when he got his friend involved. So when I saw Howard the next day, I agreed to go out with him. I thought I could convince myself that being safe was the same as being in love.”

When Steve stares at you, you watch his face fall as he realizes just how terrified you must have been. “Sweetheart, I… I didn’t know. I _never_ wanted you to feel that way. I didn’t _want_ to leave you, I didn’t have a choice.”

“Of course you didn’t know. You left. And now, postponing the wedding?” You whisper, turning your back to him. “That _choice_ has nothing to do with you wanting to leave, _again_?”

“Of course not!” He shouts, stepping back in front of you. “You’re the one that’s pulling away from me. I thought -”

You throw your hands up, feeling a wave of exhaustion and defeat crash over you. This fight is just going to keep going in circles because neither of you are willing to admit what’s about to happen next. But you _can’t_ do this anymore. If this is over, if you and Steve are over, then you need to just let it be and remove yourself from the equation.

“You know what?” You shake your head, letting every bit of weariness you feel show on your face. “It doesn’t matter what you think. It’s better if we postpone. Actually, why don’t we just cancel it all together. Save you the trouble.”

“ _Excuse me_? I don’t -”

Blinking back more tears, you cross your arms and let yourself sniffle. “Just give me a few days to figure out what to do, I’ll be gone before the end of the week. You’ll never have to see me again. It’s not like you’d want to marry me now anyway, let alone still be with me. I’ll never be able to give you what you want. Not when I know I can’t have children.”

“ _What_?” Steve blinks slowly, shaking his head in confusion. “Sweetheart, wh-”

“ _Don’t_. Just don’t.” Sinking onto the edge of the bed, you cover your face with your hands. “ _Get out, Steven_. We’re done.” You whisper through your fingers.

Slower than he’d like, things start to click into place. He crouches down, attempting to comfort you. “No sweetheart, we’re not… I’m not leaving.” He swears softly. “What are you talking about?”

The promise comes too little, too late. You lift your head from your hands, letting him see the devastation on your tear stained face. “ _GET OUT, Steven!_ ”

With a sniffle of his own, Steve stands and presses a kiss to the top of your head. When you flinch away from him, he steps back toward the door. “I’m sorry.” He murmurs before slipping out.

As soon as you’re alone, you slip down to the floor and bury your head in your hands. When the horrible realization hits you that this time, _you’ve_ left _him,_ your shoulders shake as sobs wrack your body. 

What’s worse, Steve didn’t truly fight it. He let you push him away because he doesn’t love you anymore. You’re sure it was just his sense of duty that kept him here in the first place.

You had been his responsibility in this time, he had said it himself what seemed like forever ago. Now that you’ve released him of the burden he’s felt, he has no reason to fight for something he knows doesn’t work.

Your head feels like it’s underwater, too heavy and cloudy to make sense of your thoughts. You don’t know what to do, where to go from here. But you know in your heart that you have to leave.

***

Steve shuts the door to your suite and is assaulted almost immediately by a repulsor in his face. Tony stands in front of him, eyebrow raised, wearing an expression of frustration. Steve's shoulders set themselves in a tense line. 

When he opens his mouth to explain himself, Tony cuts him off. “What the _fuck_ happened in there?” He spits venomously, lowering his hand to glare at Steve.

“I’d ask you what you’re doing out here, but I don’t want to know the -”

Tony cuts him off again, low and vicious. “The second, and I do mean _second_ , that you raised your voice to her, F.R.I.D.A.Y. alerted me. I was about to rush in and kick your star spangled ass when I heard Ace yell right back at you. What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t _do_ anything, Stark.” Steve protests, crossing his own arms. “You started this! You’re the one she runs to, the two of you were gone when I got back. What was I supposed to assume?”

Tony rolls his eyes as he drags in a deep huff of anger. “You know what they say about assuming, Rogers?” He snaps, eyes darting between Steve and your door.

“I helped her get closure, you idiot. She _missed_ you, she wanted to put everything behind her and start over. _With you._ What part of that failed to get through your thick skull?”

“That’s not what just happened.” Steve growls, unfolding his arms and leaning down into Tony’s face. “We fought and _she left me._ ”

“Yeah?” Tony steps closer and shoves at Steve’s chest. “What did you say to her that made her do that? Because that girl was terrified that you didn’t love her anymore. It took me longer than it should have to convince her otherwise and if she really left you, _you_ managed to undo two days of work in less than an hour.”

“Woah, what? Harvard left you? You guys broke up?” Bucky comes jogging around the corner, staring between the two men in confusion. “But the wedding? I thought…”

“I suggested that we postpone the wedding until after we’d gotten through everything and then…” Steve’s voice shakes, his own nervousness overriding his logical thought process. 

“I realize I may have spoken more irrationally than I should’ve but I didn’t think she’d break up with me. We’ve been through worse and it’s never come to this. She said she’d be out before the end of the week.”

Steve lets out a soft sigh, before running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Tony. I just lost the love of my life, I don’t have it in me to fight with you now, too.”

As they watch him walk away, Tony turns to address Bucky. “You and I don’t always see eye to eye, Barnes but we can’t let this happen.” Bucky nods in agreement. “You talk to him and I’ll talk to her.”

***

You’ve already started packing the rest of your things when Tony walks into your room. “If you’re going on another trip,” he comments lightly. “You might want to let me get the rest of your things from the car. I definitely overpacked for _our_ adventure.”

Whirling around, you find him standing a few feet from you, fiddling with his sunglasses. You drop the shoes in your hand as the room starts to spin. “I won’t ask you to tell me about it,” Tony folds his arms carefully. “But I heard most of the fight when F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me Steve had raised his voice.”

“Anthony, I… it wasn't supposed to be this way.” You feel your eyes start to sting again as you watch Tony’s expression soften. “I didn’t want to fight with him, but he accused me of leaving, then brought up my father and it just… it escalated so fast.”

Tony settles down onto the sofa and motions for you to join him. You cross the room on unsteady legs and rest your head on the heels of your palms. “I left him, Tony. I broke up with Steve.”

He soothingly rubs your back as he gives you a minute to let it all out. “Is that what you want, Ace?”

“No, of course not.” You lift your head to stare at him. “But I just don’t think we can do this anymore. Fate tore us apart the first time and it’s been nothing but pain and suffering since you found me."

Tony tries to interrupt and you silence him with a stern look. "No Tony, no matter what we do, we always come back to this. I think I have to accept the fact that Steve and I just aren’t meant to be together. You never should’ve found me.”

Tony shakes his head, twisting his lips into a soft half smile. “Come on, you don’t _really_ believe that, do you?”

“It doesn’t matter what I believe.” You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand. “It’s over between us, I kicked him out of here and I told him that I’d be out before the -”

“ _End of the week_ , yeah I heard you, Ace.” Tony leans back, resting a hand on your knee. “You don’t have to go anywhere. The compound is your home. And it’s plenty big enough for the two of you.”

You shake your head. “No, if this is really the end then I… I think I need a clean break. I can’t stay here.” You cover his hand with your own. “I just need a few days to figure out what to do.” 

Your mind races as you try to figure out your next steps. You’ve got money saved, the interest from your old bank account alone would pay your rent for the next few years at least and you were very careful about saving money in the ‘40’s. 

You need to find a place, something small. And a job. Something that won’t remind you of what you’re leaving behind. _Who_ you’re leaving behind.

Lifting your head, you stare into his dark eyes. “Will you help me? I don’t want to make this difficult for you, I know this will just make things harder with Steve but I… I don’t… I can’t ask anyone else.”

Tony lets out a heavy, exhausted sigh. “Yeah, Ace. Of course, I’ll help you.” He runs a hand down his face. “But you gotta meet me in the middle. Stay another week -” 

At the panicked look on your face, he lifts his hands quickly. “I can make it so F.R.I.D.A.Y. tells you when Cap’s on the same damn _floor_ as you, if you want. Just… stay. Don’t leave. Give me an extra week to get everything together.”

“I can do that.” You nod slowly, feeling more tears form behind your eyes. “I’ll stay till the end of next week.”

Tony’s expression changes from concern to relief. “Good.” He clears his throat as he stands. “You should get some sleep, Ace. We’ll uh, we’ll talk in the morning. You gonna be alright?”

 _Of course not._ You don’t think you’ll ever be alright again. “Mmhmm.” You lie easily, plastering a small smile on your face. “I’ll be fine.” 

***

"Stevie, wait up!" Bucky calls, jogging down the hallway. "What the hell, man?"

Steve stops abruptly, spinning on his heel. "Buck, I just can't do this tonight."

"The hell you can't." Bucky growls, grabbing at his friend's shoulder. "Stop. Look at me. What happened in there? In DC, all you could talk about was coming home and making things right." 

Bucky raises his eyebrow when instead of arguing back, Steve stays silent. "What went wrong? Cause never in a million years did I think I'd walk over to you telling Stark that Harvard _broke up with you_."

"When I got back to the suite, half of her things were missing. I couldn't find her and I couldn't find Stark. I thought… I thought that she had up and left. That he had helped her leave."

Without thinking, Bucky shoves at Steve’s shoulder. "What is wrong with you, Stevie? We both know that she'd _never_ do that to you."

Steve steps toward the wall and leans himself against it. "I wasn't thinking clearly." He admits softly, running a hand down his beard. "I brought up her father, I brought up Howard, and _christ_ , I accused her of having feelings for Tony."

"Seriously?" Bucky shakes his head. "So you do all that _and_ suggest postponing the wedding? You were _asking_ to get dumped, buddy." 

"I never meant for this to happen. I just... I couldn’t stop talking. I expected us to have a few words but when I went to walk away she kept going. I'd never seen her so furious." 

Bucky notices the glassiness in Steve's eyes but doesn't comment on it. "When she told me we were done, I didn’t fight it. I… I couldn't." Steve sniffs. "We've been fighting an uphill battle since 1943."

"You love her, Steve. She loves you. No matter what's happened, that won't change." Bucky leans against the wall next to Steve, folding his arms across his chest. 

"So what do we do now?" He asks Steve softly. "How do you get her back?"

Steve tilts his head back against the wall. " _I_ _don't know_. She told me she can't have children, Buck. Like that was a deciding factor for me not wanting to marry her. For me to not want her." 

"Is it?"

" _Of course not._ " Steve swears swiftly, meaning every word. "That girl is _everything_ to me. If our family stops with us, then our family stops with us. I just want her. I've always just wanted her, for the rest of our lives." 

Steve pushes himself off the wall and stares down the hallway at your door. "I almost lost her once, Buck. I'm not going to lose her again."

Unfolding his arms, Bucky turns to face Steve with a serious expression. "There you go. Thought _I_ lost that skinny little punk for a second, didn't know who the hell I was dealing with." 

When Steve smiles, so does Bucky. "Let her have her space tonight. But you need to make her see that you refuse to give up on what you two have. Whatever you gotta do Steve, _do it._ Whatever it takes." 

Steve nods, feeling hopeful for the first time since you got home tonight. "You're right, whatever it takes." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a lot...  
> After all this time, who woulda thought she'd be the one to leave him.


	74. Chapter Seventy-Four

It’s been six days since you left him. Six days that Steve’s barely slept, functioning solely on caffeine and the ever present guilt in his heart for what’s happened. 

Despite his best efforts, he hasn’t been able to get within ten feet of you; it’s as if the second he steps onto the same floor as you, you know where to hide. 

Steve’s working around the clock, desperation fueling his every action. He just needs to get five minutes with you to make you understand how much he can’t live without you by his side. Nothing else matters to him, just you and how he feels about you. 

As Steve sits at his desk, staring mindlessly at a defense contract he couldn’t care less about, a knock at the door forces him to refocus. Standing abruptly, he crosses the room and throws it open, praying that you’ll be on the other side of it. 

You’re not.

When he meets Tony’s eyes, Steve briefly considers slamming it in his face. “What do you want?” He asks, not bothering to hide his disdain.

Tony’s eyes flick up to the hand Steve still has on the door. “Ahh, as much as you want to, Rogers, I wouldn’t kick me out just yet.” Without waiting for Steve to respond, Tony pushes past him into the office. Spinning around, he narrows his eyes in the taller man's direction. 

“I’m sure Barnes told you,” Tony starts, folding his arms across his chest. “I did what I could and she's staying just until the end of next week. But there’s only so long I can pretend that I’m talking to a Real Estate agent. Ace isn’t stupid.”

“Yes, he told me.” Steve snaps, crossing his own arms to mirror Tony. “I can’t believe you agreed to help her leave.”

Tony lets out an annoyed scoff. “ _Really?_ Would you rather I push her out on her own and let you fend for yourself to get her back? Cause I can. I’m stalling Rogers, not helping her leave. I did you goddamn favor.”

Angrily, he unfolds his arms and leans against Steve’s desk. “At least this way, she’s in the compound and I bought you time.”

“I wouldn’t have to scramble to fix this if you hadn’t -”

Tony watches as Steve steps closer to him. “Blame me all you want, it wouldn’t be the first time.” 

Rolling his eyes, Tony lets his mouth twist into an indulgent smirk. “But just remember, _I’m_ the one who helped her get closure so she could put this behind her. So she could make up with _you._ I’m _not_ the one who decided to pick a fight with the girl at _midnight_. And I’m _certainly not_ the one who decided to postpone -”

“ _The wedding._ ” Steve’s hand darts out, grabbing the stapler on his desk and throwing it across the room. “I know, Stark. _Jesus Christ,_ I don’t need you to remind me.” Tony, without flinching, simply raises an eyebrow and stays silent. 

Closing his eyes, Steve runs his hands through his hair slowly. “Did you have an actual purpose for coming here or did you just want to shove it in my face how much I’ve fucked up again?”

For a moment, Tony considers being the bigger man, laying it all out on the table and being the first to apologize. Especially after _that_ comment. He knows he has to; he wants to honestly, after what he watched Schmidt do to the both of you. 

Steve still carries the weight of what was done to you, and now, Tony can see just how much the fight you had is affecting him. 

But at the end of the day, he can’t bring himself to. Not just yet. Tony’s angry in his own right after seeing what that fight did to _you_. And it didn’t have to happen. He knew you were ready to put this all behind you. But Steve just couldn’t let it go. 

“Of course I had a reason.” Tony lets out a deep breath. “As much as you seem to think it does, my world doesn’t revolve around hurting your feelings.” At that, Steve’s eyes snap open, focusing angrily on Tony's face. “I wanted to know what your plan was to get her back. Cause the way I see it, you’re already through this week and she’s still pissed.”

Taking a deep breath, Steve briefly closes his eyes again. “Don't you think I know that?” When he opens them, Tony can see heartbreak simmering behind the blue of his eyes. “I can’t lose her again. I just…”

Tony’s expression softens. “Alright look, she’s got F.R.I.D.A.Y. notifying her whenever you’re on the same floor as she is. Here's the plan, I'll override that protocol tomorrow afternoon, tell you when she’s in the suite. But if I do it for longer than a few hours, she’ll know.”

Steve scrunches his face in confusion. “Okay. So what good does that do me?”

“All the good, if you play your cards right.” Tony shrugs, meeting the taller man’s eyes. “You’ll know where she is. So figure out what you need to say to her and don’t walk away until she believes you.”

“Are you sure this will work?”

“It’s _my_ plan.” Tony rolls his eyes, settling back against the desk. “Of course I’m sure. I may not like it sometimes, but I _am_ my father’s son. This _will_ work.” _It has to._

Steve rolls his eyes. “If I have to hear about your father one more time, I swear to God -”

“Since when did my old man become such a sore spot for _you_?” Tony laughs, picking up a picture of you and Steve from your engagement party. “Thought I was the only one with daddy issues. Especially since he’s mine.”

“I don’t have -”

Holding up a hand to stop him, Tony chuckles. “Honestly Rogers, you should be glad dear old dad missed his shot. You wouldn’t have this second chance to screw up if Ace had married _him_.”

“What are you talking about?”

Setting the frame down, he narrows his eyes at Steve. “Think about it.” He scoffs, folding his arms. “You know damn well what Barnes did to my parents. You knew about it before I did.”

Steve feels a chill of fear snake up his spine. He does know; he read the article, saw the footage. Bucky didn’t know what he was doing but he had been cruel and efficient. With a horrified shudder, Steve has a feeling he knows where Tony’s mind is heading.

Tony carries on, confirming his suspicion. “If she had married my father, Ace would’ve been right next to him when Barnes caused the accident. He would have done to her what he did to my mom. And if you think for a second that Hydra wouldn’t have known who she was, who she was to _you_ \- you’re crazy."

Tony raises an eyebrow, his voice controlled and tight. "Christ, look what Barnes was ordered to do to _you."_ He scoffs, looking away from Steve’s face, horrified from the memories of the fight on the helicarrier. "Put you in the hospital and _you_ at least had stood a fighting chance against him."

Unfolding his arms, his hands curl into fists at his sides. “What he did to my mom was _barbaric_ , and she was simply Howard Stark’s _wife_.” He closes his eyes for a moment, quickly composing himself. “Her _murder_ was methodical, ruthless; a loose end that the Winter Soldier needed to tie up.”

His hands move behind him to grab Steve's desk. “Imagine what he would’ve been ordered to do to Captain America's old sweetheart." He shudders, tightening his grip on the edge of the wood. 

"You know as well as I do, it would have been slow and it would've been sadistic. And you would’ve found out _decades_ too late to save her.” Tony raises an eyebrow in derision. “Something tells me you wouldn’t have risked becoming a war criminal for Barnes after that.” 

Tony steps back, toward the door. “So yeah, you gotta hear about Howard one more time. Because in my opinion, you owe the Stark’s indefinitely.”

Steve stays silent, swallowing back the bile threatening to rise in his throat. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, Tony’s right. Hydra would’ve commanded the Winter Soldier to end your life in the cruelest way possible. He wouldn’t have had a choice in the matter.

After all, Bucky had been the one to throw you in the cryo-chamber when you went out into the field. He had hurt you then; he didn’t know who you were to him, Bucky had only obeyed orders. Then he had been made to forget, wiped clean to complete his next mission. 

Which had inevitably led to _Steve_ being his mission. Bucky had been his best friend and still, when the Soldier came for him, Steve had almost lost his life trying to remind him who he was. Being shot in the stomach and almost drowning in the Potomac was a best case scenario for Steve then. He was a super soldier, better equipped to take a beating like that. 

You wouldn't have stood a chance against The Winter Soldier.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Tony asks, releasing some of the venom in his voice. “Barnes would have _murdered_ her, Steve. Without hesitation, without remorse or mercy.” 

When Steve feels his legs wobble beneath him, he sinks into the chair behind his desk. “You don't know that for sure.” He argues, but there’s no conviction in his voice. 

“Yeah, I do. _We both do_.” Tony twists his upper body toward Steve as he walks through the door. “ _And_ we _both_ know if you don’t get her back now, you won’t get another chance. So don’t screw this up, because that girl will disappear and it will shatter you.” 

***

_“Darling,” Steve hears you call out as you lean away from the Cadillac’s trunk. “If you want to get to the pentagon before sundown, we need to get moving.” He smiles at you, lifting his briefcase with a nod. “Did you bring your swim trunks?”_

_Steve rolls his eyes and with a smile and a nod, sets his briefcase down in the trunk. Quickly, he leans over to kiss your cheek before closing the lid and gesturing to the passenger door. “After you, gorgeous. Can’t wait to see you in_ your _swimsuit.” He remarks, in a voice very clearly not his own._

_Confusion floods him as he steps around to slide into the driver’s seat of the deVille. Quickly, Steve pulls down the visor and takes in the face staring back at him. A softer jaw offsets the man’s features. When he drags his eyes up, he finds a short chevron mustache and dark, well styled hair._

_Coffee colored eyes reflect back at him, widening in horror as Steve realizes that the face he’s wearing isn’t his own. It’s Howard Stark’s._

_As if in confirmation, you slide into the car and smile at him. “Howard, did you remember to -”_

_Steve cuts you off with a searing kiss that simultaneously arouses him and turns his stomach. It’s not Steve you’re kissing, but Howard. And he’s forced to witness it. Steve doesn't understand why he’s wearing Howard’s visage, or why he hears Howard’s voice when he speaks. It’s like he’s trapped; a silent bystander to something he can’t control._

_“I didn’t forget anything, I promise. Do_ you _have everything?” When you nod, he watches himself turn on the car and pull away from the sprawling house._

_Daylight changes to dusk quickly as the sun disappears under the trees. Steve drives, unsure of his exact destination but moved by the incessant need to keep going. A chill shivers down his spine as he watches the trees fly past him. It takes him a moment, but he recognizes the road the two of you are driving down._

_“I know this road.” From his mouth, he hears Howard’s voice comment with dread. “Darling, we should turn around.” He turns quickly to glance at the confusion on your face. “Something’s about to happen.”_

_Despite his best efforts, Steve is unable to slow the deVille or change its course. “Howard, what’s wrong?” You ask, your voice wavering slightly._

_“We need to get off this road, we need to -” Before Steve can finish his sentence, he hears the distinct sound of a motorbike coming from behind the car. He twists his head to the right quickly, watching in terror as the bike speeds up alongside him._

_Steve can’t even hit the brakes; the driver of the bike effortlessly blows out the front passenger tire with his metal fist. He hears you scream out in alarm as the bike falls back to allow the inflicted damage to drive the car off the road._

_As the deVille swerves out of control, Steve is helpless to stop it. He sees the telephone pole coming up before you do, feels his body jerking forward as the front of the car connects with the pole. His head slams against the steering wheel as the car is forced to a stop._

_Dizzy and disoriented, Steve calls for you, his hands searching blindly for yours in the chaos. He feels blood trickle down his nose; he’s certain it's broken. Bright sparks of pain blossom all over his body when he tries to move, but he knows he’s got to get you to safety. He knew where he was, knows what’s about to happen._

_He hears your ragged, uneven breathing and shoves the door of the car open. He slumps out, nothing graceful about his movements as he falls. Steve pushes himself up as best he can, wobbling on all fours. The motorbike comes around the car, pulling over beside the wreckage._

_“Please, help my wife.” He pleads, unsteady and terrified. Steve knows no help is coming, but that doesn’t stop his mouth from forming the words. The driver of the bike climbs off as the hood of the Cadillac catches fire. The burst makes Steve jump and attempt to twist his body to check on you._

_The driver, the Winter Soldier, reaches down and grabs a handful of Steve’s hair, yanking his head back. ”Sergeant Barnes.” He rasps, confusion momentarily fogging his mind. “Buck. Buck, it’s me!” The Winter Soldier’s eyes meet his, cold and unfocused, as the metal fist comes flying and connects with Steve’s face._

_He falls back against the side of the car, head spinning and gushing blood. Another blow comes, connecting with the side of Steve’s head. When he falls to the ground, the Soldier’s sure he won’t be getting back up._

_The Winter Soldier looks up, over the roof and smirks, slow and cruel. You’ve pushed yourself out of the car, hair matted to your head with blood, and are struggling to make your way over to Steve._

_“No! No, please, Buck, leave her out of this.” Steve begs as the Soldier ignores him and crosses the distance to where you’re leaning against the trunk._

_You push your hair from your face and shake your head. Steve watches your eyes widen when you recognize the man advancing on you. “J… James?” You gasp, lifting your head. “James, I thought you -” Your sentence is choked off by the metal of the Soldier’s hand closing around your throat._

_As Steve watches, the Soldier’s human fist winds back and punches you in the jaw. When your head flies back, he lets go, watching you crumple to the ground. The Soldier leans down, wrapping his metal hand in your hair and drags you in front of Steve._

_“You die first.” The Soldier snarls, throwing you to the ground. Before Steve can do anything to help you, a combat boot connects with your stomach. The crack you hear, knocks the wind from you and you collapse against the dirt._

_As Steve struggles to stand, the Soldier slams his boot down on his leg. The sickening crack is deafening over the sound of the fire behind you. Steve screams as white hot agony rips through his body. The lack of serum in this body amplifies every injury, every bit of trauma he tries to push down._

_When the Soldier strides to the trunk of the deVille and busts it open, you crawl to Steve as quickly as you can. “Howard, it’s… it’s going to be okay. It’s James…” You whisper through your sobs. “We… we just have to make him recognize us, recognize_ me _.”_

_“He won’t.” Steve tells you, his eyes filled with pity and anguish. “I know how this ends, I’m sorry darling. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough this time. I love you.”_

_Before you can attempt to soothe him, The Winter Soldier grabs you by the throat and lifts you off the ground. As you struggle wildly against him, he tightens his grip, strangling the air from your lungs. “Hydra knows you miss the Captain, now you’ll get to join him.” Steve can only watch as your eyes widen, realizing that the Soldier knows who you are._

_The Winter Soldier tilts his head, watching in sadistic amusement as you claw desperately at his metal arm, struggling to get him to release his grip on your throat. “Please let her go,” Steve pleads. “Buck, you don’t want to do this.”_

_When the Soldier further tightens his grip, you’re rendered completely unable to speak. The only sound that manages to escape your lips is a choked gasp._

_He backs you against the car, pressing your body between his and the door. You can feel yourself tiring; the injuries you’ve sustained mingling with the lack of air from the Soldier’s unforgiving grip on your throat is wearing you down._

_As your lungs heave, desperate for the air they’re being denied, your vision starts to tunnel and grey out. He’s not going let you go, you know in the pit of your stomach that you won’t survive this._

_Steve begs again, watching the life drain from your eyes. He hears you let out a final gasp, before going limp in the Winter Soldier’s grip. “No!” He screams, realizing with dread that even here, he’s failed to save you again._

_The Soldier tosses your body into the passenger seat and stalks toward Steve. Lifting him by his hair, he meets Steve’s eyes as he winds back his metal fist. “Doesn’t matter what you do,_ Captain Rogers _. You can’t save her.”_

_His fist connects, snapping Steve’s head back. “She didn’t have to die, but because of you, Hydra wanted her eliminated. You did this, you might as well have killed her yourself -”_

Steve’s chair moves, startling him awake. “What the _hell?"_ He swears, pushing himself up in the seat. He drags a hand down his face, glancing around wildly to place where he is. He lets out a huff of relief as he realizes he’s in his office. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” He asks shakily. “What time is it?” 

“It is 1819, Captain Rogers.” The AI answers. “You fell asleep at your desk at 1630. With your unrestful sleep pattern from the night before, I thought it prudent to let you rest until Mr. Stark dropped the ‘keep away’ protocol. Your heart rate is more elevated than normal, Captain. Were you having a nightmare?”

Shaking his head, Steve pushes the chair away from the desk. “It felt too real to be a nightmare. But, yes.” After a moment, he asks for your location, desperate to see your face and know that you’re safe. 

“She has just entered the suite, Captain.” She informs you. “I am about to notify Mr. Stark.”

“Great, thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y.. Please let me know when the protocol is disabled.” 

Rising to his feet, Steve steps into the attached bathroom and stares into the small mirror over the sink. The nightmare felt too real; for a second, he wants to blame Tony for putting the idea in his head in the first place. But logically, he knows that he’s got no one else to blame for it. 

One thing is certain. After that horrible dream, Steve is done with letting stupid arguments and unfounded fears keep the two of you apart. He’s wasted weeks not having you by his side because he was too oblivious to realize why you were upset. _No more._

Splashing a bit of cool water on his face, Steve takes a deep breath and steps back out into his office. He smiles at the photo of the two of you from the engagement party, knowing that he’s about to fly by the seat of his pants. He doesn’t care, his only goal is to make you see that he can’t live without you. Whatever it takes.

***

Once the tub is filled to your liking, you slide your robe off your shoulders and carefully step into the hot water. The steam rises, filling the room with the aromatic, calming scent of peppermint and eucalyptus. Settling yourself down into the water, you let out a soft sigh of contentment as you get comfortable.

It’s been a trying week for you. Even with Tony’s help, talking to real estate brokers and packing your things has proven more exhausting than you anticipated. Especially since your heart carries the knowledge that you don’t _actually_ want to leave. 

But you’re doing what you have to, for you _and_ for Steve. You both deserve a fresh start after all this, even if it’s not with each other. 

Sinking further into the water, you try to momentarily clear your mind. You need to wrestle the mental fortitude to do this. Make the break clean and simple, for both your sakes. 

Your thought process is interrupted by the handle of the bathroom door turning. No one but Steve and Tony has the code to the suite, and Tony would _never_ just barge in. Anxiety blooms in your stomach as you realize it must be Steve.

Confirming your suspicions, the door swings open and Steve steps inside. “Don’t panic, it’s just me.” He throws his hands up in surrender when you frantically reach for your towel. “I need to talk to you.” His tone is insistent and apprehensive at the same time.

“I know who you are, Steven.” You snap, sliding under the bubbles as your towel falls out of reach. “What are you doing in here?! Get out!”

Steve slowly shuts the door behind him as he steps further into the small space. Carefully he perches himself on the edge of the tub, meeting your eyes as he fiddles with the bottom of his untucked dress shirt. 

The action gives you pause, he seems more disheveled than he should for a Thursday evening. Tony hadn’t said anything about a particularly stressful meeting today and he only fidgets with things when he’s overwhelmed or exhausted.

“I’ve made a mess of things, darling and I’d appreciate it if you’d just hear me out.” 

“We’ve both made a mess of things that’s why we’ve cancelled the wedding; ended things before we impacted more lives than our own.” You sit up a bit, wanting to be on more even footing with him. “And honestly, I think we’ve exhausted ourselves and said everything that needed to be said.”

“No, no we didn’t.” Steve insists, sliding closer to you. “Sweetheart, that fight was awful and I didn’t handle it properly. I was stupid and I let you walk away. I am _never_ going to do that again.”

“Steven -”

He shakes his head, smiling at you wistfully. “Please,” he murmurs. “Let me get this out.” You pull in a shaky breath but after a moment of warring with yourself, you nod.

“I am so sorry about that damn fight. I was out of line and you have every right to be angry with me. You have every right to want to throw me out and never speak to me again. After what I let happen to you, I deserve it.

“I should have trusted you,” He rubs his palms on his upper thighs, another anxious trigger for him. “I should have told you everything from the start. I… I thought I was sparing you from having to relive what you went through but I was only trying to spare myself the guilt of having to explain… to… to… justify my part in your death, however temporary it was.”

Your angry expression softens; Steve blames himself, you blame yourself. The cycle never stops. When you open your mouth to argue, he holds up a hand. 

“I shouldn’t have just assumed that you needed space. I never wanted to leave you alone. Ever. I was negligent and uncaring toward the person I love the most in this world.” 

At that, you feel your eyes start to water, making him reach out for your hand. “Darling, please believe me. You are my reason for breathing, my reason for wanting more out of this life than just being a soldier. I am in love with you; no matter what _you_ believe, I will never love anyone the way I love you.”

You’re stunned into silence as you wipe away the tears you allow to slip down your cheeks. _This_ is what you needed to hear the night you came home, _this_ is how you feel about him. But you have so many questions, so many insecurities you’ve yet to have assuaged.

“Steve,” you start softly. You both notice the softness of your tone when you say his name. “I want to believe you, I just… you wanted to postpone the wedding, you said so many _awful_ things to me Sunday night. How am I supposed to just forget that?”

He shakes his head. “There is no excuse for the way I acted, darling. I was stupid and irrational, I… I let it get the best of me. I will apologize to you for the rest of my life. I was an ass and I had no right to speak to you like that.” 

When Steve squeezes your hand, he gives you a tight lipped smile. “I know what it feels like to lose you my love, and I’d rather die a thousand times than feel that way again.”

You let out a small sniffle. “I don’t know Steve, this is such a -”

“Don’t say it.” He grins, standing quickly. “That’s not a mess. You and I will _never_ be a mess. I just need to be honest with you and if I may, I need you to talk to me when you’re feeling anxious or upset. Please don’t hold it in.” 

More gracefully than you think he’d be able to manage in suit pants and a dress shirt, he lifts his leg and drops it into the water. “ _What are you doing_?” You can’t help the small giggle that escapes your lips, the noise sounding foreign after so long not feeling this way. “Now _you’re_ gonna make a mess!”

“So?” Steve laughs, fully climbing into the tub. “Life’s a mess, sweetheart. You’re the only one I want to clean it up with.” He gestures with his finger for you to scoot to the side. “Move over, please.”

With another peal of laughter, you shake your head. “No! You’re fully clothed.”

“I don’t care, I love you.” He says simply, sinking all the way into the water. “I don’t want to waste another second without you.” As he shifts on top of you, water splashes over the side of the tub. You turn your head when you hear it crash onto the floor. 

Steve’s hand cups your cheek, making you face him. " _Please_ _forgive me._ ” He pleads, and in his voice you hear immense desperation and a glimmer of hope. 

It’s that hope that makes you stare up into his eyes, into the soft cobalt you’ve missed more than you can say, and nod your head. 

Elation lights up Steve’s face, like a child on Christmas morning, as he carefully presses his lips to yours. You melt into him, two halves of the same whole finally put back together, as you kiss him back. 

***

Dressed in dry clothing, a t-shirt and sweatpants, Steve watches as you settle yourself into the bed beside him.

“I never should have brought up Howard.” He murmurs, glancing down to his hands. “And using your relationship with Tony against you? It was hurtful and just… vicious. _Jesus_ , I was just asking for you to slap me.”

“I didn’t mean to.” You promise, resting your hand on his knee. “I just reacted, it just broke my heart to hear you accuse me of not loving you that way.”

“I know. The second I said it, I knew I shouldn’t have.” He looks away from you so you don’t see the shame burning in his eyes. “But I couldn’t take it back. I wish to God I could.”

Reaching for his chin, you force him to turn back to you. “I believe you, but I do think we’re going to have to talk sometime about your issues with Howard. And Tony. Maybe when I go back to therapy, you could come with me again?”

“Tony and I do have our own issues to work out, but yeah I think I’d like that.” He smiles softly before letting his eyes fill with sorrow once again. “Darling, I am so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you from your father and I won’t ever be able to forgive myself for twisting your reason for leaving him.” He reaches up and covers your hand with his. 

“I can’t imagine how you felt after getting that letter. You have to know that I’m proud of you for going to Howard. He loved you, and I think I was jealous of what he would have offered you. But he had the means and the motive to keep you safe. I’m glad you had him by your side, truly I am. I never wanted you to be alone.”

Pushing yourself up in the bed, you meet his eyes again. For a moment, you consider telling Steve that it wasn’t just your father’s letter that had pushed you to go to Howard. But then, if you told him that, you'd have to tell him about Don and you’ve managed to _never_ have to talk about that evil, vile man. And you don’t intend to start now.

“I know that.” You say instead. “But, thank you for acknowledging it. I’ve never been alright with you feeling jealous of Howard. You’ve always been my true love.” 

When he subtly sighs in relief, you watch the tension in his shoulders melt away. “I _do_ know that.” He smiles down at you. “Sometimes, I get in my own way.” 

“We both do.” You laugh quietly. When he agrees with you, you both lean back against the headboard.

“Steve.” You start carefully. “You also know that you have to stop blaming yourself for what happened in that base. Schmidt was a monster. But you blaming yourself and me blaming myself, because I do, doesn’t solve anything. We keep circling the drain with our own guilt, my love. We’re better than that.” Smiling softly, you cup his cheek. “He’s dead. We need to stop letting him try to ruin us.”

Folding his arms across his chest, Steve stays silent for a good minute. Taking a deep breath, he closes his eyes and smiles. “You’re right, you’re always right, sweetheart. I was just so consumed by guilt and anger and -”

“I know. It’s alright, Stevie. What you said in the bathroom, about being honest and open with each other? I love you for saying that. But I’m afraid that when I explain the rest of my fears, you’re going to look at me differently, or you won’t want me the way you did before.”

Steve scoots himself closer to you. “What are you talking about? Nothing you say to me would make me look at you differently.”

 _You say that now_ , you think despondently. “I… I’m broken, Stevie.”

Steve stares at you, furrowing his brow in confusion. “No, you’re not.” He vehemently shakes his head. “How could you think that, sweetheart?” 

“I can’t give you what you deserve.” You whisper, feeling tears prick the corners of your eyes. “We’ll never get to have babies in our bed. Never get to drop them off at their first day of school or see their faces at Christmas.”

“That doesn’t make you broken.” Both of Steve’s hands cup your face. “Listen to me, I love you whether or not you can have children. I know we both want a family, yes, but there are other ways. We can adopt or go back to see the specialist, maybe they have other options. But, sweetheart, I need you to know that if our family ends with us, that’s completely fine too. All I want… is _you_. To marry _you_ and spend the rest of my life with _you_.” 

When you blink, a few tears slip down your cheek onto his fingers. “But Steve -“

“No.” He argues, slipping his free hand into his pocket. When he pulls out your engagement ring, your eyes widen at the sight of it. “No more buts, darling. I love you. We'll figure this out.” He promises you, holding out his hand for yours. He gently slides your ring back onto your finger and leans forward to kiss your cheek. “ _Together_.”

“Together.” You agree, sliding under Steve’s now outstretched arm. When you snuggle up to him, he sighs in contentment and wraps his other arm around you.

“I love you, too.” You whisper, settling against the warmth of his body. Your ring has a comfortable weight on your finger and as you stare down at it, in the soft light of the room, you promise to never take it off. 

Steve presses his lips to your hair as he promises to never give you a reason to, ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They may be back together but there's still so many secrets still being kept... we're not going to make this TOO easy on them. Real life is full of challenges, they still have a few to beat.  
> All that's left is for Tony to apologize - wonder how long that'll take.


	75. Chapter Seventy-Five

Dr. Ryan shifts in her seat, directing her next question toward Steve instead of you. “Captain, last week you and I spent some time discussing your survivors' guilt. Tell me, how are you measuring your progress this week?”

Steve unfolds his arms and presses his palms against his thighs. “I visited a VA hospital, spoke about my experiences in WWII and how much it’s defined my life now. We both visited with the families of agents we’d lost at Schmidt’s hands. That was more painful than I anticipated; to me it’s difficult to give my condolences when we got to live and their loved ones didn’t.”

“That’s completely understandable given what you’ve both been through.” She smiles kindly, making a note in her book. “Just remember to give yourself time, Captain. I think you more than anyone understands that wounds like this don’t heal overnight. Taking steps forward, even baby steps, is still progress.”

Threading your fingers through his, you smile up at Steve in encouragement. “You’re here, that’s what matters.”

“She’s right.” Dr. Ryan agrees, inclining her head. “You both came back, you’re working through this together. I can’t express how proud I am of the progress you’ve both made in the last five weeks.”

Steve grins, visibly relaxing. “We’re both committed to putting that mess behind us and starting the next chapter of our lives together. Like I said during our first visit back, I thought I lost her once and it almost killed me. I don’t intend to let _anything_ come between us again, especially my own insecurities.”

“Speaking of.” Dr. Ryan flips back a few pages, her eyes scanning the notes written there. “We have time today, I believe if you’re ready for it Captain, we should discuss your apprehension over Howard Stark, and his son.”

Steve’s shoulders tense up, making you turn and touch his cheek carefully. “If you need me to step out Steve, I’m more than happy to do so.”

“No.” He assures you, stopping you from your attempt to stand. “Please stay. I.. I think you should hear this. I want you to.”

Dr. Ryan nods, giving you the go ahead to settle back down next to him. “Whenever you’re ready, Captain.”

Steve pulls in a deep, steadying breath. “At first, and I mean this was over eighty years ago now, I was jealous of Howard. He was _Howard Stark_ ; billionaire, playboy, top weapons manufacturer for the Armed Forces. It didn’t matter that I was Captain America, to me I was still this skinny nobody from Brooklyn. I had no family, no money, nothing to offer anyone.”

You want to protest, tell him that he’s given you everything but Dr. Ryan shakes her head. “And still,” Steve continues. “This beautiful, intelligent, talented woman wanted me. Not Howard, _me.”_

He scoffs in annoyance, folding his arms over his chest. _“_ But that didn’t seem to matter to him. Howard flirted, pushing parties and dates on _my girl_. He just didn’t know when to quit. He wasn’t a bad guy, Howard was a good man. I’m sure glad he was on our side. And when you first came back to me -”

Steve glances at you with a soft smile.“ You told me that you had caved and gone on a few dates with him. I didn’t know at first that that meant three months and a proposal. I was furious, and I know it’s irrational. You thought I was dead. But to me, Howard just waited until I was in the ice to make his move.” He glances at Dr. Ryan before continuing.

“And you feel differently now?” She asks, scribbling down more notes.

“I didn’t understand the chaos I left behind. I didn’t realize how hard it would be for her, especially with her father still in the picture. Howard stepped in and took care of my sweetheart and my team. I was angry at first, but now I’m just immensely grateful. And I know I shouldn’t have needed to hear it, but once she told me that she _never_ loved Howard the way she loved me, I think something just finally clicked in my brain.”

He squeezes your hand gently. “Your heart was always mine, I just needed to let myself believe it.”

Dr. Ryan smiles, “That is a beautiful understanding, Captain. I’m proud of you for coming to this on your own. And Tony?”

“Tony is a different story altogether.” Steve sighs, leaning back on the cushions. “When I first woke up, Tony was this brash billionaire, playboy, consultant for S.H.I.E.L.D.. Everything about him reminded me of his father; his attitude, his money, the way he carried himself. Christ, he even looks like Howard. I was constantly on edge. I felt like even after all that time, I couldn’t escape the shadow of Howard Stark.”

Steve runs a hand through his hair anxiously. “We learned to work together, because we had to. Settled into something of a friendship. And then, you got close with him. I tried not to let it bother me, he’s good to you. I know that. You needed a friend, someone that you could connect with. And I get that you saw a bit of his father in him; he was comfortable for you, easy to be around.

“But you confided in Tony more than you ever did with me. I began to feel boxed out of my own relationship. I already saw Howard when I looked at him, now you had your own relationship with him and those feelings just festered inside of me until they spilled out in anger.”

You reach for his arm and run your fingers over his sleeve gently. “Stevie, I confide in Tony because I’m not worried about how he’ll react. I don’t care how he’ll look at me if I say something I know he won’t like.” You smile softly as you look up at him. 

“I think of Tony the way I think of Dottie, or James back in the forties. He is a close friend, my closest now in fact. But Tony will always be just that. I will always be close with him, sweetheart. That will not change. But you do _not_ have to worry, neither Stark will ever hold the place in my heart that you do.”

Dr. Ryan makes a few notes before glancing up. “Well said, my dear. How does that make you feel, Captain?”

“Again, I know I shouldn't have needed to hear it. She’s told me countless times. I just… the fights that Tony and I have had, he gets under my skin like no one else does. I respect him, he’s my partner in leading the Avengers. Tony _is_ my friend, I care about him a great deal. I mean, I stood up for him at his wedding, I wouldn’t have done that unless I considered him important to me.”

Steve lets out a slow breath before continuing. “But god, Tony has this _way_ of always being there when I make a mistake. He calls me out on it, especially when no one else will. Everyone needs that accountability. But sometimes... “

Dr. Ryan nods in response. “It feels too personal, especially when he has his own relationship with your fiancée. Am I correct?” When Steve remains silent, she presses on. “When was the last time you had a major disagreement with Tony?”

“About four months ago?” Steve closes his eyes for a moment. “Right around the time when -

Realization dawning on you, you bluntly cut him off. “I died.” 

Steve opens his eyes, looking every bit as guilty as he sounds. “There’s been a lot of unresolved arguments since then, smaller ones.” You glance at him in concern. “Nothing serious, nothing that time couldn’t fix.” He assures you. “But yes, when I lost you, Tony and I had words about it and it was _bad_.”

“Tony said something like that.” You remember with some clarity. “When we went to Boston, he told me that he had a lot to apologize for. I had so much on my mind then, I didn’t really push him for the details. I haven’t thought about it since.”

“He and I will be fine, we always are.” Steve smiles at you then turns to Dr. Ryan. “I think I just need time. One thing at a time, right?”

“Exactly.” Dr. Ryan agrees. “One thing at a time. Howard Stark took you quite a bit of time to get past, but I imagine that Tony will be a little bit quicker. He’s your team partner and he means a lot to your _actual_ partner. Knowing that, as I imagine Tony does, you must overcome your differences and learn to be friends again.”

“We will.” Steve promises, feeling like a small weight has finally been lifted off his shoulders. 

Dr. Ryan makes another note before discreetly glancing at the clock. “Before we wrap things up this week, I want to circle back to where we started today. You’ve both been working diligently on being emotionally intimate with each other again. And I know this will take time given what you’ve been through. What I’d like to do is give each of you some homework. If you’re up to it?”

You both nod, making her smile in response. “Wonderful. I’d like for the both of you to perform one act that will surprise the other. It can be on any scale that you’re comfortable with, but the main goal is to provoke an emotional response in the other. I want you to hold onto that feeling and we’ll talk about it next week.”

***

After your coma, you two had spent so much time angry and apart that the first few days back together had been more awkward than anything else. Neither of you had known how to fall back into the comfortable routine you had shared. When you had told Dr. Ryan about it, she had said it would take time to regain the emotional intimacy you had lost. 

As you sit at your desk in your office, your mind drifts to her assignment for each of you. Being emotionally intimate with Steve was something you’ve never had a problem with. You’ve always shared such an intense connection with him. 

Now, you find yourself staring at your search results for ways to improve emotional intimacy with your partner. Most of what you’ve read seems redundant but you find yourself drawn to four different ideas that seem the most promising.

  1. Be strategically vulnerable to earn their trust.
  2. Give your partner daily affirmations and compliments.
  3. Prioritize sexual satisfaction.
  4. Make an effort to break out of your day-to-day routine.



You run your fingers through your hair as you consider your options. The first two are tasks that you find easy to accomplish. The third one however, makes you pause. Steve would never expect you to be the first one to make a move. Except for his birthday, you’ve always let him. 

With a small smile, you think of what Dottie would tell you to do. The girl had zero issue owning her sexuality, even when it was frowned upon to do so. You can imagine her soft southern lilt when you close your eyes. 

“ _Sugar_ ,” she’d tell you with a smile. “ _You gotta keep ‘em guessing. Give your man a sneak peak of what he’s missing while he’s overseas fighting the good fight. Why do you think I model? Just doing my civic duty for all our boys.”_

At that thought, your eyes snap open. _That’s it._ You’ll take a risque picture for him. In the weeks that you’ve been back together, you’ve slept in the same bed and cuddled every night. But other than the occasional gentle caress or soft kiss, Steve hasn’t touched you. It’s been driving you mad, all you’ve wanted was for him to show you that he’s missed the way you two used to be.

So if _you_ show _him_ , he’ll have no choice but to act on it. 

Decision made, you stand, smoothing out the lines of your skirt. You grab your phone and step into the bathroom attached to your office. You stare at yourself in the mirror, feeling a bit nervous as you set your phone on the edge of the sink. 

You undo the first few buttons of your cardigan, a deep burgundy red that Steve’s told you he loves you in, and carefully shift the white shirt underneath to call attention to the curves of your breasts. Knowing that the tops of your garters are the same color as your cardigan, you lift up your tweed circle skirt just high enough to show off the garters and the lines of your legs. 

Satisfied with your appearance, you use one hand to brush your curls onto your shoulders and set the timer on your phone. You snap five different photos, each one with a slightly different pose. Once you’re done, you readjust your skirt and cardigan and make your way back to your desk. 

You quickly flip through them, deciding which photo you like best. The light in the last picture hits you just right, making the decision easy for you. You delete the rest and open up your text message application. Scrolling to Steve’s name, you attach the photo along with the message, ‘ _I miss you, Captain.'_

When he doesn’t immediately respond, you don’t worry too much. Steve’s most likely on a call or in the middle of a meeting. Setting your phone down, you turn your attention back to your computer. After about ten minutes, F.R.I.D.A.Y. tells you that Steve is about to knock seconds before he does. 

“Come in, sweetheart.” You call out, folding your arms across your keyboard. When he does, Steve looks flushed. His hair is disheveled, falling in front of his eyes in the cutest way and the tops of his ears are deep scarlet. 

You glance up at him as if you were in the middle of something terribly important. “Stevie? Are you alright?” You ask innocently, barely hiding your smile.

Steve walks all the way in the room, closing the door behind him. “Hi.” He breathes softly. “I uh, I got your text.”

“Did you?” You ask, feigning disinterest as you stand. “And what did you think about it, Captain?”

Without a word, Steve swiftly crosses the distance to you. He wraps one arm around your waist, pulling you close to him and with his free hand, he lifts your chin so you meet his eyes. He leans his head down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. You gasp in surprise, making him smile against your mouth.

As Steve deepens the kiss, your arms wrap around the back of his neck, allowing your body to curve perfectly to his. You push yourself up onto your tiptoes and pull your head back to trace your tongue along his lower lip. He groans in response, easily lifting you to sit on the edge of your desk.

His tongue slips into your mouth, earning a soft moan from you low in your throat. You pull him closer to you, kissing him back ardently when you realize that this is the first time since before you both were taken that he’s touched you like this. 

Breaking the kiss to take a breath, Steve tucks your curls behind your ear. “My turn to surprise you. I’m taking you away for the weekend.” He whispers, sounding slightly out of breath. “We’ll pack a bag tonight and off we go in the morning. No questions.” He gently cups your cheek as you narrow your eyes in playful suspicion. “You trust me, right?”

You lean back, smiling at his face. “Of course I do.” You answer, and in another moment of boldness that would make Dottie proud, you lower your voice just a bit. “I trust you with my life, _Captain_.”

Steve’s face twists, a soft happy grin overtaking his features, before leaning down to give you another quick kiss. You can see longing and desire in his cerulean eyes as he stands straight and steps away from you. “So, I’ll let you get back to work and I’ll see you tonight?” You bat your lashes and nod, making Steve stumble over his own feet on the way out.

Leaning back in your chair, you fold your arms across your chest triumphantly. Dottie would _definitely_ be proud.

***

No matter how much time you spend there, you never get tired of the twinkling lights and vibrancy that is New York City at night. Even in the colder winter months, when everything is dreary and gray, the city is alive with people. Families rushing through the streets of Greenwich Village, couples strolling through Bryant Park, even tourists making their way to Times Square; the city is full of life. 

As you walk, arm in arm, with Steve along 5th Avenue, you rest your head on his shoulder and smile, happy to be just one of the countless people contributing to the vibrancy of the city.

Today has been perfect in every way. Steve took you to the MET, then to a charming little bistro on Park Avenue. You both laughed and made jokes, reminiscing about Dottie, James and the early days of your relationship. 

Each memory brought smiles to your lips and his; this was the confirmation you needed that no matter what’s happened, what you feel for each other is stronger than whatever you’ve faced.

After dinner, you’re the one to suggest heading back to the hotel so you can both cuddle on the couch with a movie. You don’t intend to _watch_ much of the movie but you’re pleased that Steve agrees without argument. 

Taking your hand as he leads you down the hallway to your room, Steve asks which movie you’re in the mood for. When you ask if he could find Casablanca, he grins back at you. “I’m sure that could be arranged.”

As he kicks off his shoes, you excuse yourself to the restroom. Shutting the door behind you, you take stock of yourself in the mirror. Your nose and cheeks are still a little pink from the cold but your lipstick is still intact, Steve’s favorite dark red. You quickly fluff your hair, attempting to smooth away the flyways from the winds of early spring.

You lift the skirt of your dress, a burgundy and navy plaid number that turned Steve’s eyes dark when you twirled in it earlier. The burgundy trim was almost as deep as your lipstick, a small detail he noticed immediately. It's perfect for what you have planned tonight.

Carefully, you ensure your stockings and garter belt are still in place before smoothing your skirt back down. Stepping out of your shoes, you take a deep breath and push the door open. 

Steve sits at the edge of the bed, suit jacket still on but the first few buttons of his dress shirt undone as he scrolls through the movie options on the flat screen in front of him. When he turns to smile at you, you see that his tie is still on as well, but mostly undone.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to find Casablanca.” Steve laments, resting the remote down beside him. “Is there something else you wouldn’t mind watching?”

Settling down beside him, you shake your head. “Whatever you like, sweetheart. I don’t mind.” He nods and resumes scrolling. 

Once his attention is firmly fixed on the screen, you turn yourself and gently lift one of your stocking clad legs onto his lap. Steve freezes, staring down at it and then at you. “Could you help me take these off, Captain?” You ask, slowly pulling back your skirt to show off the navy trim at the top of your stockings. 

Steve audibly swallows before immediately turning off the TV. “Y… yes, ma’am.” He stammers, letting his fingers move up your legs with reverence. You let out a soft sigh as he slides under the navy material and unhooks the stays of your garter belt. 

One of his hands rests on top of your thigh as the other glides underneath the nylon and slowly pulls it down your leg. Once he reaches the ankle, he slips the stocking off your foot and drops it to the floor. “Now the other one?” You ask innocently, pretending not to notice the way Steve’s gaze has darkened.

You lean yourself back as Steve reaches for your other leg. He slides off this stocking with the same careful touch as the first, mapping out the planes of your skin as he moves. “If you wouldn’t mind, Captain,” You ask, rising from the bed. “Could you get my zipper for me? I can never reach it on my own.”

Steve stands, moving your curls with one hand as he gingerly slides down the zipper of your dress. He sucks in a quick breath when he notices the navy lace of your bustier peeking out from underneath your dress. 

You grin, knowing the effect you’re having on him. When his fingers graze the small of your back, you slowly turn and make direct eye contact as you slip the dress from your shoulders. 

He silently holds out a hand for you so you can step out and once you have, you inch forward and rest your hands on his chest. “At ease, Captain.” You instruct as you push him down onto the bed. You straddle his lap, wrapping an arm about the back of his neck. You can feel the evidence of his arousal pressing against you as you move a hand gently through his hair. 

You lean down, pressing your lips to his with a boldness you know he wasn’t expecting. Steve’s tongue slips into your mouth as his hands travel up the length of your body. He slides his hand under the lace at the top of your bustier, rolling your nipple between his fingers. When you gasp into his mouth, he breaks the kiss and begins working his way down your jaw.

A quiet moan escapes your lips as his mouth moves along the column of your throat and down to the curves of your breasts. You buck your hips against him, your body thrumming with pleasure as it reacts to his touch. Both of your hands move to his hair now, steadying yourself as your head falls back. 

While you may have initiated this, Steve has taken over expertly, making arousal simmer inside you as he touches, kisses and savors every inch of your body. When his hand carefully pushes your panties aside and slowly sinks two fingers inside you, you hiss in pleasure and push yourself against his hand.

When his fingers come away slick with arousal, he gives you a dark, heavy lidded stare. “You’re so wet for me, sweetheart.” He murmurs, slipping under the lace and back inside you.

Steve’s thumb traces circles around your clit, eliciting a soft whine from you as he moves at a torturous pace. Your skin erupts in goosebumps, making you shiver from the pleasure of his fingers, no matter how slowly he’s moving. 

As he moves, you buck against him, urging him to go faster. As he pulls another desperate moan from your lips, he presses a kiss to your collarbone and watches you for a moment.

Every stroke of his fingers inside you, every brush against your clit with his thumb, makes your nerve endings stand at attention. Your body begins to coil itself tightly, desperation slowing building in your core.

Once you both feel your muscles start to clench around his fingers, he presses a kiss underneath your ear. Steve focuses the attention of his fingers to rubbing quick circles on your clit until he feels you start to come apart at his hands. Your head falls back as he whispers, “Cum for me, darling.” With a breathy moan and your mouth slack with pleasure, you do.

Your orgasm moves through you, sending small shockwaves through your body. Your hips slide forward, pressing your sex against his hand as much as you’re able. As the shockwaves soften into small electric ripples, you rest your head against his chest and try to even out your breathing. 

Lifting your head with his free hand, Steve captures your lips with his. His mouth moves against yours insatiably, his desire for you poured into every moment his lips touch yours. Your hand cups his cheek, making him slowly break the kiss and lean into your touch.

You missed this; the intimacy, the passion, the hunger found deep in his eyes when he leans back and grins at you. You were afraid you had lost it forever, the connection you and Steve had. But as he moves his lips down to your neck and collarbone, you realize you needn’t have worried. 

Nothing will be able to take this away from you. Your body molds to Steve’s perfectly and your heart will always be his. 

You let out a soft whimper as Steve’s lips press to the sensitive skin on your neck. You hiss in pleasure when you feel suction there, his mouth feeling hot against you. His hand slips back under your lingerie to cup and knead your breasts as his mouth moves down to resume the action along your collarbone. 

Reaching down between his legs, you can feel his erection straining against the material of his dress pants. Realizing that Steve is still fully clothed, you lean back and give him a playful smile. “Captain, you’ve got me in my lingerie and you’re still fully clothed. Don’t you think you’re a little overdressed?”

Steve chuckles, the laugh rumbling in his chest. “So I do and so I am. But I think I’m going to stay this way, I know you like me in a suit.”

Your cheeks flush with heat at his words. “I do, but that’s not fair, Captain.” You pout, running your hands down his chest.

“A Captain doesn’t always play fair.” He grins, sliding his hands underneath you. Before you can ask what he’s doing, he scoots you back a few inches, allowing you better access to the erection tenting in his pants. 

Your fingers undo his belt buckle and unbutton his pants. Before you unzip them, you palm your hand against his cock, making him arch his hips a bit. When he squeezes your ass to keep you on in his lap, you’re a little surprised by how much you like the feeling. 

Steve lets out a low growl as you slowly unzip his pants and slip your fingers underneath his briefs. Feeling the warmth of his skin against your hand makes him gasp and squeeze your ass again. You pull his cock free and move to slide off his lap.

He shakes his head, his eyes half lidded in lust. As he gently lifts you up, he moves one hand, supporting your weight with only his left and moves your panties again to line himself against your opening. You know how strong he is, the fact that his cock is barely inside you means he’s teasing you. 

The desperate sound that escapes your throat surprises both of you. Steve chuckles again before slowly, torturously, sliding himself into you. As you feel him inside you, you lean forward, moving your hips slowly when he doesn’t move.

You let out a soft whine when Steve slowly moves his hips up, filling you completely. As he begins a slow, languid pace, you grip his shoulders to steady yourself and move in time with him. When he snaps his hips forward, his cock brushes against your g-spot making your gasp and lean your head against his chest. 

One if his hands gently smacks your ass, making you lift your head and smirk at him. His eyes are dark but playful when he brushes his lips against yours. “I like your bum.” He murmurs, doing it again. 

Steve quickens his pace, the fabric of his dress pants grazing your clit each time he moves. You grind down against him to chase the intoxicating feeling building in your core. “Faster, Captain.” You urge him. “ _Please_.” And he enthusiastically complies.

After a few quick thrusts, you start to feel your walls clench around him. Throwing your head back, you feel your second orgasm build into a crescendo and crash over you. As Steve rides you through the aftershocks, he continues moving you until you feel his orgasm pulse inside you. 

Steve cums with a groan, resting his forehead against yours. You’re both sweaty and out of breath, but when he smiles and leans back, the expression on his face is one of pure happiness. You find it’s easy to match as you cup his face and use his tie to pull him close to you. 

“I love you, Captain Rogers.” You whisper, confident in the knowledge that everything will be alright again.

“I love you too, sweetheart. Forever.” It’s a promise, one that you’ll never get tired of hearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like they're finally getting back to where they used to be... All it took was a few weeks of therapy and a nice weekend away. Wonder if it'll be that easy for Steve to patch things up with Tony.


	76. Chapter Seventy-Six

You wake up the next morning, warm and content. Steve’s chest is pressed up against your back with his arm draped over your side. His soft snore rumbles in his chest, as his breath tickles your ear. You can’t help the giggle you let escape as you tilt your head up and see your feet tangled with his on top of the mussed up sheets. 

As carefully as you can without waking him, you slide out of bed and pick up Steve’s discarded dress shirt from the hotel floor. It still smells like him, fresh linen and soap. Slipping it on with a smile, you button just a few and head into the bathroom. 

You flip the lights and glance into the bathroom mirror. Hickies dot along your throat and collarbone, marring your skin with brown and purplish bruising; evidence of Steve’s enthusiasm from the night before. You touch each mark gingerly, only faintly recalling one or two of them. 

You can easily see a dozen, at least. For a moment, you’re reminded of another time Steve left bruising along your throat, but quickly shake your head to clear that thought away. Last night was completely different; his mouth, his hands, his body had given you nothing but pleasure. 

You had lost yourself in it, in him. You were able to let yourself forget all the pain and frustration you’d felt over the last couple of months and just enjoy the moment with the man you loved more than anything. 

Steve’s startled “Oh my god, sweetheart” tears you from the afterglow of your thoughts. You whirl to face him, confused by the panic in his tone. “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to leave marks like that. It looks like I -”

“Don’t apologize,” you reassure him, gently squeezing his arm. “I… I don’t mind them.” At his raised eyebrow, you press on. “Honestly Stevie, I don’t. Last night was… it was simply incredible. I know you weren’t trying to hurt me and believe me when I say that all I felt was pleasure.”

Steve carefully brushes your hair off your shoulder and gently lifts your chin with his fingers to further inspect his handiwork. “Still,” he murmurs nervously. “I feel awful for doing it. That was careless of me. You should probably cover them before we get back to the compound.”

“Cover them?” You ask, turning around to reach for your toothbrush.

Steve nods, leaning into the shower to turn on the hot water. “Yes. All things considered, I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea about what happened here this weekend.”

As the steam rises in the small space, you rest your toothbrush back on the sink and grin at him. “And what _exactly_ happened here this weekend, Captain?”

“Lots of this.” He grins, pulling you in for a kiss. You yield to him easily, letting his mouth claim yours completely as you run your fingers through his beard.

Before you can pull away, he lifts you effortlessly and steps into the shower with you over his shoulder. At your startled squeak, he sets you down and tears his shirt off you. With a hungry stare, he walks you backward until you’re pressed against the cool marble. 

As his hands wander low, making you shudder and gasp, he smirks at you. “And definitely more of _this_.” 

***

“Steve?” Your voice is purposely light in the hopes that it will make him feel more comfortable talking. “How bad were the arguments you’ve had with Tony?” 

Steve turns his head away from the road for a second to stare at you. “They were… I just…” He lets out a deep breath, fingers squeezing the steering wheel. “Pretty bad, sweetheart. Why do you ask?”

“When Tony took me to Boston, he told me that you both had gotten into a scuffle. He didn’t blame you, he blamed himself. Said he had it coming, he also said that he wanted to apologize to you when we got home. That he had a lot to apologize for. So I assumed that there were more than the one he told me about and that they must've been awful.” 

You fiddle with your skirt anxiously. “You told Dr. Ryan that you wanted to make amends, be friends with Tony again. You weren’t just saying that for her benefit, right?”

“Of course not, my love.” Steve assures you, moving his right hand to cover yours. “But you have to understand, Tony and I have been at each other's throats for months and we haven't always had the smoothest of relationships. Some of the things he said to me this time, I just can’t pretend that they didn’t get to me.”

You figured as much. “I don’t want you to pretend anything, Steve." You assure him gently. "I don’t know what he said to hurt you but I know him as surely as I know you. He didn’t mean whatever he said, you know that. So does he; he said he felt awful for what he had done."

“When we get home, I’ll ask him if we can speak.” Steve promises you. “I can’t guarantee anything.” At your raised brow, he squeezes your hand. “But _I’ll_ go into it with a clear head and an open mind. Tony’s important to both of us, so the least I can do is try.”

You lift his hand and press your lips to the back of it. "That's all I'm asking." 

After a minute of contented silence, you turn your head to him again. "Tony's seen the footage." You admit softly. "He told me he watched it right before we left. Told me that he had no idea how much horror we had _both_ faced in that room. I think it shook him to see you get so hurt, to be so vulnerable."

Steve doesn't say anything at first. Just presses his foot to the gas pedal, urging the Audi faster along the road. "I didn't know he saw it." He murmurs after a minute. "Tony didn't say anything about it when we talked after the fight." 

But already, Steve is replaying the words he and Tony had back in his head. Tony was definitely full of his usual snark, but he had convinced you to stay. That _had_ bought him time to figure out a way to keep you from leaving. Tony didn't have to. You leaving the compound wouldn't have stopped Tony from seeing you. 

Maybe he had been ready to apologize that day. He just wasn't sure how Steve would react to it. So instead of coming right out with it, Tony had just covered up his feelings and pushed Steve to fix things with you. 

"I don't think he wanted to see it, Stevie." Your voice cuts through Steve’s thoughts as you turn back toward the window. "But he couldn't stop apologizing to me when we talked on the drive. It shook him to see us like that." 

"Did Tony say why he watched it?" Steve asks, his voice soft in the small space of the car.

You nod slowly, turning back to briefly meet his eyes. "He said that if he wanted to help us both heal, he needed to know what happened to us. I think he planned to talk to you after _we_ talked. Things just got a bit muddled when we got home that night." 

Steve lets out a short laugh. "After I turned into the Wicked Witch of the West, you mean?" 

"Well, I didn't say that." You point out with a laugh. "But you definitely turned a shade of green on me." 

***

You’re pleased to see Tony’s Audi in the garage when you pull up. He’s been away on business and knowing Steve as well as you do, he’ll want to jump right into conversation with Tony once your bags are away. 

Once he’s helped you out, Steve takes off with the bags down the hallway while you head off to look for Tony. You find him angrily pacing back and forth in the foyer. Your brows knit together as you try to make out what he’s saying into the phone.

“- doesn’t matter, Pep. Even though I fought it, the injunction’s gonna cause a lot of trouble for us. That star spangled son of a bitch really fucked us here.” He pauses, no doubt to listen to Pepper as you step into the room. “I don’t know, but that must’ve been what he was doing in DC six weeks ago. You can’t make this happen overn-”

Tony cuts himself off mid-sentence as his eyes meet yours. “Honey, I’ll call you back.” Glaring at you, he slides his phone into his pocket and stalks forward. “Did you know what your _boyfriend_ is trying to do to me?” He growls, leveling his gaze at you.

You shake your head, crossing your arms defensively. Tony’s _never_ taken this tone with you before, it sets you on edge. “What are you talking about, Anthony?” You demand, standing your ground. 

Tony makes a scoffing sound as he narrows his eyes. “The _man with a plan_ filed an injunction to pause all Stark Industries defense contracts. Do you have any idea what this means? Billions of dollars of funding for troops and defensive measures? _Toast._ All because your boyfriend has a grudge.”

“I don’t think Steve would threaten the country’s safety because he was upset with you.” You argue back, letting your voice rise to match his. “That seems like a gross misuse of his power. Don’t you think?”

Tony opens his mouth to argue as you carelessly brush your curls off your shoulder. Despite your best efforts, the hickies Steve left last night are still visible, even under concealer. His eyes shift down, widening in confusion as he sees them. 

“ _Jesus Christ,_ Ace.” Tony hisses, his original retort forgotten. “What the fuck did he do to you? Are you alright? What happened?”

Before you can explain, you both hear Steve calling for you from down the hallway. Mistaking your surprised flinch for one of fear, Tony’s face twists in fury, causing you to whirl around and warn Steve to pause. 

Steve cocks his head in confusion as he steps into the entranceway. “Tony,” he asks softly, cautiously. “What are you doing?”

You turn back at the sound of a repulsor firing up. Tony’s right hand is held in front of him, covered in a suit gauntlet. “Anthony, this isn’t necessary.” You assure him with a smile. “Everything’s fine, if you’ll just listen for a second.”

Ignoring you, Tony steps in front of you, keeping the repulsor trained on Steve. “What did you do to her, huh?” He prods, inching closer. “You two go away and she comes back covered in bruises? Not my idea of patching things up, but maybe I’m just old fashioned in that I don’t feel the need to hurt -”

“ _Tony._ ” Steve raises both hands as he steps forward. “I would never willingly hurt her. You have my word. It’s not what you think. If you’ll just lower your weapon, we can talk about this.”

When he doesn’t, you let out an annoyed sigh and step back into Tony’s line of sight. “They’re _hickies_ , Anthony. If you must know. While I do appreciate how concerned you are for my safety, I can assure you that Steve did not do anything to me that I didn’t _explicitly_ want him to do.”

Tony’s eyes dart back and forth between you and Steve. “ _Hickies_?” He falters finally, letting a flush of color creep up to his ears. “Like from -”

“Yes, hickies.” You roll your eyes, momentarily enjoying the embarrassment on Tony’s face. “Now will you _please_ , put down your hand?”

When Tony does, you turn back toward Steve with a smile. Steve’s eyes are focused over your shoulder and not on you. “What’s wrong?” You incline your head and before you have time to fully process what’s happening, he shoves you out of the way and narrowly dodges a repulsor blast.

“Jesus Christ, Tony!” Steve lunges for Tony’s hand and aims it at the ceiling. “You could’ve hit her!” His fingers pry under the metal of the glove and despite Tony trying to shove him off, he’s able to damage the circuitry inside and knock Tony to the ground. 

“I wasn’t aiming for her,” Tony groans from the floor. “I was aiming for _you_ , you self righteous son of a bitch.” 

He pushes himself to his feet, tossing the damaged glove aside. “I get that you were pissed at me, you had a right to be. But going to DC?! What, hitting me wasn’t enough, you had to go after SI too? That doesn’t just affect me, it affects the whole goddamn team.”

“That’s not what happened.”

You step in between them, arms outstretched. “What on Earth are you two talking about?” 

Tony glares over your shoulder. “Ask _him_ , Ace. Rogers knows _exactly_ what I’m talking about.” You twist your head in question, briefly meeting Steve’s eyes. The question in yours is obvious.

Steve lets out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Can we step out of the hallway, please? You don’t understand what’s going on, Tony.”

Folding his arms over his chest, Tony huffs in annoyance. “I completely fucking understand, Rogers. You went to DC, _behind my back_ , to bar SI from the defense contracts we were going to sign. What did you do? Tell the Secretary that I’m a bad fit? That I couldn’t possibly understand what it means to want to protect -”

“ _For Christ sake_ ,” Steve furiously cuts him off, stepping around you and moving inches from Tony’s face. “I was _defending_ you.” You and Tony both freeze, eyebrows raised. “Let’s talk, privately?” Steve suggests, calmer now that he was moments before.

Throwing his hands in the air, Tony concedes. “ _Fine.”_

When the three of you step into a small meeting room, you sit on the edge of the table and watch the two men in front of you. Tony paces like a caged tiger, waiting to pounce on Steve for whatever he believes he’s done. And Steve leans next to you, arms crossed, watching Tony with determined eyes. 

After a moment, when Tony slows his angry pace, Steve begins to explain. “Yes. I’ve been angry with you, Tony. But I was in DC _defending_ you, not trying to stand in the way of the defense contracts. Fury let it slip to the Secretary of State that there were still Stark Industries weapons out there. Using that as his platform, he tried to stir up trouble.”

You turn to Steve with wide eyes. He nods and squeezes your hand. “We both know the Avengers aren’t the Secretary’s favorite group of people. _He_ fought to get you barred, not me. The second I heard, I flew down to argue before it went too far.”

“Why didn’t you say something to me?” Tony presses, the anger already deflating from his voice.

Steve lets out a small laugh. “You and I haven’t _exactly_ been on great speaking terms for the last few months, have we?” When Tony begrudgingly shakes his head, Steve carries on. 

“Right, so I tried to intercede on your behalf. Clearly, if you just came from there, they didn’t listen to me. I’m sorry about that, but now that we’re back, I’ll do what I can to help get SI back on track as quickly as possible. I still have the S.O.D’s ear. I’ll use it to my advantage.”

Tony sinks into a chair and runs both hands through his hair. “How do you do _that?_ ” He mutters, more to himself than anyone else.

“Do what?” Steve questions, tilting his head in confusion.

“I come at you, literally guns blazing, throwing wild accusations and you _apologize_ to _me_ , because something you did to help me, when I was giving you shit, didn’t work out.” Tony rolls his eyes. “I just can’t win against you, Rogers. Even when I think I have the moral high ground, even when you fight back, I walk away feeling like an ass.”

Steve pushes himself from the table and gives Tony a tight lipped smile. “This isn’t a contest, Tony.” He argues, stopping inches from where Tony sits. “I’ve never wanted to defeat you. We’re... we _were_ friends, weren’t we?”

They both fall into silence, causing you to let out a small huff. “We aren’t these people.” You point out sadly. “We all used to talk to each other. What happened?”

“You _died_ , Ace.” Tony grinds out, dropping his head into his hands. “That’s what happened.”

“What does me dying have to do with the two of you fighting like children?”

Tony shifts uncomfortably in his chair. “Well, I _may_ have entirely blamed Steve for what happened to you after we thought you died. And I _may_ have accused him of letting Schmidt hurt you, and I _may_ , just may, have told Steve that it should have been him that died instead of you.” 

Your eyes narrow furiously and when you open your mouth to yell at Tony, Steve rests his hand on your arm as he leans back against the desk. “He’s not finished.”

“Yeah,” Tony laughs humorlessly. “Looking at your face right now Ace, I wish I could say I was. But he’s right. I kept going. After I accused Steve of never actually loving you, or searching for you after he woke up, I uh… I told him he wasn’t allowed at your funeral. And then you know, I may have threatened Barnes’s life. And Steve’s a few times.” 

He lets out a heavy sigh as he stands and moves closer to you. “Look, I’m not proud of what I said, I mean, I just needled into you, Cap. Relentlessly. And I know it really fucked with your head.” He glances at you quickly. “Language, I know. Sorry.”

“Oh, that’s the least of what you need to apologize for, Anthony.” You hiss, folding your arms across your chest. “How could you do that to Steve? How could you do that to me?”

“I was grieving, Ace. I didn’t handle it right, I’m sorry. I really am. Even when we knew you were alive, just in that damn coma, I knew I should say I was sorry. But I just couldn’t let it go. Literally every chance I got, I pushed and pushed.”

He stares at Steve, his expression soft. “I was just trying to hurt you, and for Christ sake, you let me! You just _took it_. No fight, no defending yourself. In my head, you not defending yourself meant you were guilty. Cap, _Steve,_ you know I didn’t mean any of what I said to you. ”

Steve lifts his head, raising an eyebrow in Tony’s direction. “Even what you said about Howard?”

“What about Howard?” You demand, feeling fresh anger blossom in your chest.

Steve turns to you with a solemn expression. “That you were better off with Howard, that you would’ve been safer and had a better life with him than me.” His eyes plead with you to understand. “What choice did I have but to believe him? Everything that’s happened to you was because of _me._ I thought Howard would have kept you safe.”

You unfold your arms quickly and whack Tony in the side. “That was _your_ doing?!” You accuse him. “Do you know how many arguments Steve and I have had because of that? You knew your father was a sensitive subject. _What is wrong with you_?”

Sensing your mounting anger, Tony raises his hands in surrender. “I know, I know! I shouldn’t have said anything.” He waves his hands quickly. “But it’s fine, because after you guys had that fight, I convinced Steve that he was always the safer choice for you. He agrees with me, Barnes would’ve -” He cuts himself off with a groan. “ _Ah f_ _uck_.”

“James would have _what_?”

Steve stares at you nervously. “Nothing sweetheart, it’s nothing.”

“No, no, I don’t believe either one of you.” You move to stand between them, arms crossed. “I’m going to ask again. James would have, _what_?”

You watch the two of them exchange a silent conversation before Tony mouths “I'm _real fucking sorry._ ”

Steve sighs, reaching out for your hand. “If you _had_ married Howard, there was a very real chance that Buck would have murdered you in place of Maria Stark. You would have been there and he… he wouldn’t have recognized you. He wouldn’t have had a choice.” The room spins for a second as you register what Steve’s just said.

“But it’s _fine._ ” Tony cuts in, stepping closer to you. “Because you’re with Steve, and you’re here, safe with us. Barnes is still a thorn in my side but I’m grateful that he’s _Barnes_ and not the Winter Soldier.” He turns back to Steve with a small shrug. “I don’t think _that guy_ would’ve stopped you from murdering me in the hallway.” 

Steve folds his arms, his posture now a bit more relaxed. “I wouldn’t have _murdered_ you, Tony. But you had to know that eventually I’d push back.” 

“I don’t think I’d call that _pushing back_ , Cap.” Tony raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Cause from where I was standing, if Barnes hadn’t stepped in when he did, you would’ve either punched my face in or strangled me with my own goddamn tie.”

At that, you whip your head in Steve’s direction. He grins sheepishly as he shrugs his shoulders. “What do you want me to say? I’m sorry I let myself get out of control, but I'm not going to apologize for finally defending myself after months of you berating me. _You’re lucky_ that’s all I did.”

“You know what, that’s fair.” Tony sniffs, running a hand through his hair. “Listen Steve, I mean it, I was in the wrong here. And when I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong. I’m sorry for every nasty thing I said and did, from the moment I found you both to you know, five minutes ago. It doesn’t excuse my behavior, but I was just out of my mind thinking Ace was dead. I blamed you so I wouldn’t blame myself.”

Steve lets out a deep breath and steps closer to you. “I did plenty of that for both of us.”

“Neither of you should have blamed yourselves.” You point out with a sigh. “And I shouldn’t have blamed myself either. I know that now. Schmidt was a monster. His actions turned you against each other and kept Steve and I apart for months. _He’s_ the only one to blame.”

Steve wraps his arms around you. “You’re right.” He kisses the top of your head. “Tony, I want us to be alright again, I just need you to know that it's going to take me some time. I can’t just pretend that what you said didn’t cut me as deep as it did.”

Tony smiles and crosses the small distance to you. Clapping Steve’s shoulder, he gives you both a solemn expression. “I get it. You take all the time you need, Cap. I already told Ace, I wanted to apologize the second I saw the footage. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

When Steve extends his hand for Tony to shake, you feel more content than you thought possible. It will take time, but the shattered fragments of their friendship can and will be mended. 

“So.” You lean back, eyeing them both with the ghost of a smirk on your lips. “If this is finally settled, there’s one more thing on the agenda today, gentleman.”

Both Steve and Tony peer at you warily as you raise an eyebrow. “We have a wedding to plan.”

***

The next couple of months are a flurry of excitement in the compound. Tony has proven to be an _excellent_ wedding planner. Somehow he’s managed to combine a classic 40’s wedding and something uniquely modern, resulting in the perfect celebration of your relationship with Steve.

A month before the wedding, you go searching for Tony when he skipped a briefing. You had wanted to ask him a question and when he didn’t show up, you started letting your nerves get the best of you. You find him in his office, in the middle of a heated argument with the booking company for the wedding band.

“No, I want the same band I had last year. They were perfect.” He pauses, furrowing his brow at something he's just been told. He throws a hand into the air as he starts to pace back and forth. “So send another band to L.A., the cost is unimportant. Just make it happen.”

When he hangs up, he runs a hand down his face in annoyance. You step all the way into the room and gesture to the chairs on the side of you. “Tony?” You ask, making him glance up in surprise. “Please sit down for a second.” 

“Ace, I don’t need to sit down.” Tony grumbles, sliding open his desk drawer. He pulls out his Starkpad and powers it on. “I need to call the manager. Don’t they know who you and Cap are?” 

You gingerly sit on the edge of a chair. “Anthony, _please_.” 

Tony stares at you, letting out a small sigh. When he sits down, you reach over and take his hand. “You have no idea how much I appreciate all you’ve done.” You smile at him, gently squeezing his hand. “Both Stevie and I can’t thank you enough. But I do have one more small thing to ask of you.” 

“Anything, Ace, you two deserve the best after all the shit you’ve been through.” 

Taking a deep breath, you meet his eyes to watch his reaction. “Will you give me away?” You ask him, your voice soft but determined.

Tony shakes his head in shock. “Ace, I -”

“You are the closest thing I have to family besides Steve and James.” You tell him as you watch his eyes start to shine. “You’ve done so much for me, _for us_ , that I can’t imagine anyone else walking me down the aisle.”

Tony’s lips quirk up into a small smile. “You’re sure this is what you want?”

“As sure as I am about marrying Steve.”

He gives you a genuine smile then as he pulls you in for a hug. “I’d be honored, Ace.” Tony murmurs into your hair. You let out a contented sigh as he pulls back. “Does this mean Cap has to call me Pop?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony are finally on their way to mending things... phew! Took them long enough.
> 
> Who's excited to see these two FINALLY get married? Cause it's coming; adorable vows, pre wedding jitters, and that moment, you know the one, when the bride walks down the aisle and someone looks back at the groom to see his reaction? That's a thing. And Loki has the sweetest words about it.


	77. Chapter Seventy-Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're giving you lovelies the link to the Playlist we've created for this story! Feel free to to check it out if you feel like immersing yourself into this world some more :)
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6kMvuP9CVifV6sSFcrxTqy?si=lqaoBd0CQPuehJrOfAyH4A

About a week before the wedding, you and Steve are in the middle of a conference call with the Secretary of Defense. Since speaking with him about SI’s injunction, the Secretary has been instrumental in reinstating the proposed contracts. As Steve sends over a revised copy, you both glance up at the knock at the door. 

Tony pokes his head in with a grin. You hold up a finger to your lips, motioning for him to come inside and close the door. He slips in and settles into the chair across from Steve’s desk. 

“Yes, that does put us back within the original timeframe.” Steve gives Tony a thumbs up as he makes a note on the pad in front of him. “Thank you, Mr. Secretary.” As he ends the call, he leans back in his chair and runs his hands through his hair. “I knew he’d be able to help us. Tony, you should be getting a call in the morning. Which you know _nothing_ about.”

“Of course not.” Tony grins, scooting himself forward to stand. “I can’t thank you enough for fighting this with me.” When Steve nods, Tony slides his glasses down off his face. “Now, if you don’t mind, Cap. I need to borrow your fiancée.” 

You raise your brow in question but it’s Steve who asks why. 

Tony grins at both of you before he holds his hand out to you. “Your dress is here, Ace. Sorry Cap, you can’t see it. We don’t need any more bad luck.”

Pushing yourself off the desk you turn to him with a small smile. “If Steve wants to see it, I’m sure we could handle whatever -”

“I agree with Tony.” Steve counters, gesturing to his door. “Go ahead sweetheart, I’ll see it when I watch you walk down the aisle.” Leaning over, you quickly kiss his cheek and follow Tony out of the room. 

“I was going to make you wait until your wedding day but the second it arrived, I knew I had to show you.” Tony grins back at you as you walk. “I took the photographs that you told me you liked and let the designer do her thing. Ace, it’s a damn masterpiece.”

You laugh softly as he slides open the door to a small conference room. A cream colored garment bag lays on the table in the center. Your eyes widen in surprise when you see Pepper leaning against the table.

“Oh my goodness!” You exclaim, rushing over to hug her. “You’re here! I thought you were going to fly in the night before the wedding?” You whirl around and lightly slap Tony’s arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wouldn’t let him. I wanted to surprise you.” Pepper grins at you. “I have so many unused vacation days, I decided to take the week off. Who would have thought that Tony Stark would marry a workaholic?”

Tony rolls his eyes and gestures to the table. “I want to see your reaction first, then I’m going to step out and Pep is gonna help you try it on.”

You nod and with trembling fingers, slowly unzip the bag and let out a soft gasp. The front is classic, with elegant lines and a soft V-neck. The stitching on the bodice lends to the style you remember seeing in department store windows in the ‘40s. The waist is lined by a ribbon set into the skirt.

“Oh Anthony, it’s beautiful.” You breath out softly, touching the sleeves. The three quarter length is lined by small pearl buttons moving halfway up the stitching. You’ve never seen such a gorgeous dress; you’re almost afraid to try it on.

“Take a look at the back, Ace.” Tony suggests, moving to help you remove the dress from its bag. “That picture you liked? We tried to replicate it perfectly.”

You let out a gasp when you’re able to fully see it. A deep v cut stops just above where the small of your back would be. Small pearl buttons start at the base of the v and go straight down to the end of the dress. You carefully lay the dress on the table and turn to Tony and Pepper with a soft expression. 

“I love it, I’ve never seen such a beautiful dress but… I don’t think I can wear it.”

“Why?” Tony quirks an eyebrow in concern. “Do you not like the front of it? We didn't make the neckline too low, did we?”

You shake your head, staring longingly at the dress. “No, no. It’s not that at all.” You assure him. “It’s just… it’s white.”

Both Tony and Pepper stare at you like you’ve grown a third head. “Well, sweetie, it’s a wedding dress.” Pepper laughs softly. “It’s _supposed_ to be white.”

Your cheeks flush with embarrassment. “But only if you’re… and I’m not a… Steve and I have...” 

Tony tilts his head, trying to decipher what you’re implying. You can see the light in his eyes the second he understands. He doubles over, not able to contain his laughter. “ _Oh god_. Of course _you’d_ think something like that.” He grins and nudges Pepper to back him up. “Come on Ace, that’s not a big deal anymore. You think that _we_ didn’t have sex before we got married?”

Pepper’s eyes widen in understanding. “We’ve been together for over a decade and I promise you there’s a reason I’ve put up with him for that long before he finally gave me a ring.” Ignoring Tony’s scandalized expression, she reaches out for your hand to reassure you. “Tony’s right, definitely not a big deal anymore. You can absolutely wear white.”

“Well then, it’s absolutely perfect.” You smile at both of them. “Pepper, would you help me into it?”

***

As you stand in the mirror, you can’t believe your own reflection. Even though you tried on the dress last week, seeing yourself with your hair and makeup done is a different experience entirely. It may have been a very simple design but the dress truly was made for you, accentuating your every curve perfectly. 

As soon as you find your other shoe, it’ll be perfect.

Turning your head to the side, you admire how the stylist was able to take your soft curls and twist them into a loosely braided chignon at the base of your head. A pearled leaf barrette sits at the top of the twist, placed to eventually hold your veil. Wavy tendrils frame your face, complimenting your soft eyes and striking red lip. 

As you spin yourself around softly, a knock at the door startles you. When Bucky pokes his head in, you gesture for him to step inside and close the door. He lets out a low whistle through his teeth as he takes in the sight of you. “Holy hell Harvard, Stevie’s gonna cry when he sees you.” 

You’re sure Steve won’t be the only one. You’ve teared up a few times today, yourself. “Do you think so?” You ask softly, carefully sitting on the stool near your vanity. 

“I know so.” He crosses his arms, your missing shoe folded under his arm. “You’re a vision in that dress. If only Dottie could see you now, she’d be in tears too.” You smile at his mention of Dottie, you’ve thought about her quite a bit in the last few weeks. “She knew this was going to happen, would’ve bet her last dollar on it.”

“I miss her, James. I wish she was here.”

Bucky untucks your shoe and rests it on your bed. “I do too, everyday. But, in a way, she’s here.” He gestures to your windows with a smile. “It’s beautiful outside, no humidity, and not a cloud in the sky. That girl made sure you had the perfect day to marry the love of your life.” 

Your eyes water a bit at that and you blink quickly so not to smudge your makeup. “Don’t you make me cry before I walk down that aisle.” You scold gently. “Are you going to tell me why you stole my left shoe?”

“ _Technically_ , Steve stole it.” He laughs, picking it up by the heel. “But you can’t see each other yet and Tony already gets to walk you down the aisle. I offered to bring it back so I could have a moment with you. I mean, I have known you the longest.”

You roll your eyes with a smile. “ _Technically_ , I’ve known Steve longer.”

“Yeah, but you two danced around each other for _months._ Dottie and I wasted no time, so if you want to split hairs here, I at least win the fact that I stepped foot in your house before he did.” He gives you a smug grin. “Dottie’s cat liked me better, that had to count for _something_.”

“ _James_.” You stifle a giggle with the back of your hand. “My shoe?” 

Bucky flips your shoe over and hands it to you. “Stevie wanted to give you a little something to let you know that he’s thinking about you.” 

You stare at the sole of your heel and smile at Steve’s carefully scrawled message. _‘_ _With each step, my love for you grows. I love you forever and always, Steve._ ’ Blinking away a few tears, you glance up at Bucky. “James, I thought I told you not to make me cry.”

With a laugh, he holds out a hand to help you stand. “Blame Stevie. He wrote it.”

Grabbling your other shoe from beside the bed, he holds your hand as you step into both heels. As you fan out the skirt of your dress, Bucky whistles again. “You really do look beautiful, Harvard.” 

As you step back, he reaches over to hand you your bouquet. “Listen, you know I’m not much of a sappy guy but I’m really happy that you and I got back to this place. We’ve been through a lot and I just… I feel real lucky that I get to be here. Not just for my best friend. But for you too. You’ve always meant a lot to me.”

You set the bouquet on your bed and wrap your arms around him gently. “I feel the same way, James. We had a rocky start in this century, for sure. But I’m glad that you and I are close again.” 

With a quick nod and a soft smile, Bucky starts to make his way out of the suite. “I’ll see you at the end of the aisle.” He smirks. “I’ll be next to the crying groom.”

You wave him off with a roll of your eyes. As you do, Tony slips in past Bucky. “Who, Steve?” Tony asks, glancing between the two of you. “Yeah, he’s gonna cry.”

“You cried when you saw Pepper.” You point out with a small laugh. “I was there.”

Tony shakes his head, sliding one hand into his pocket. “No proof.” Lifting his free hand he gestures for you to spin around with his finger. “Pepper said you looked beautiful, Ace. But that doesn’t do you justice. You look _stunning_.” 

You wrap your arms around him for a moment. “Thank you so much, Anthony. For everything. You know how important you are to me, don’t you? How much I love you?” Tony nods and presses a kiss to the top of your head as you continue. 

“And it's not just because you’re Howard’s son. That’s just the icing on the cake, but you’ve been a pillar of support for me. Knowing that you’ve always been on my side has made all of this easier. You helped Steve make this place home for me. Having you in my life…I just...” You shake your head with a soft smile. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“You would’ve been _fine_ , Ace.” Tony reassures you as he leans back. “You’re the bravest and most brilliant person I know. I’m lucky that I get to count you as part of my family. I hope you understand what you mean to _me_. I had no idea when I pulled you out of the chamber, just how important you were and how much I’d come to love you.” 

He gently cups your cheek as he smiles. “No matter what, you and Steve would’ve gotten here. It may have taken you a little longer without me, but I always had faith in _you."_

Rolling your eyes, you head back to your vanity and retrieve your veil from it’s box. “Would you mind?” You ask, handing it over. 

“Not at all, turn around.” As you do, Tony pins your veil into place and gently fluffs it. “And now you’re perfect.” He smiles as you turn around. “Ready to go marry your Captain?”

After everything you’ve been through, and everything you and Steve have survived, you were afraid this day would never happen. But now that it’s here, you’re ready and you’ve never been more sure of anything in your life. 

“Tony, I’ve been ready to marry that man for almost eighty years.” You tell him, picking up your bouquet.

***

Your heart is racing as you stand on the other side of the entranceway. When Tony asks if you’re nervous, you have to take a deep breath before you tell him no. “In truth,” you confess, peeking around the curtain. “It’s more nervous excitement than anything else. I feel like once I’m walking, I’ll be fine.”

You both hear the swell of your music and the shuffle of people moving to stand. “They’re playing our song, Ace.” Tony grins, holding out his arm. “We gotta take a walk.”

Two ushers move the curtains out of the way to allow you and Tony an aisle to walk. The room is gorgeous; soft cream, navy and burgundy accents work their way throughout the space. You knew Tony would plan every detail perfectly. You let out a soft hum of approval as you begin to walk. Tony holds you steady as you take your first steps toward the love of your life.

All eyes move to you as you move down the aisle, but once your eyes meet Steve’s, you can’t look away. You watch Bucky nudge him with a smile and almost immediately, Steve’s eyes start to shine with unshed tears. When he smiles, he’s smiling just for you; like there's no one else in the room. 

When you reach the end and Steve holds out his hand for you, you take it without hesitation and move to stand across from him. Tony nods at Steve and stands beside you, your bouquet in hand. 

You smile at Steve, feeling your eyes sting at the edges. His tuxedo is a deep navy, complimenting the soft ocean color of his eyes. The black lapel and bow tie accent the navy perfectly, giving him a polished and warm appearance. His hair is swept back away from his face and his beard has been perfectly trimmed. He looks as handsome as the day you first saw him.

Blinking quickly, you’re determined not to cry. Not yet anyway.

You both turn to the Justice of the Peace as she starts to speak. “Welcome, family and friends. I’d say this is a wedding almost a century in the making.” At the soft peals of laughter from beside you, you can’t help but laugh a bit as well. 

The Justice speaks about what makes a marriage and how you and Steve are the definition of the word soulmate. Steve squeezes your hand at that and you’ve never agreed with anything more in your life. “The couple has prepared their own vows,” She smiles at both of you. “Captain Rogers?”

Steve pulls a small paper from his suit jacket and meets your eyes. “From the moment I saw you, darling, I knew you would be the woman I married. There was something about you, a strength in the way you spoke and a quiet confidence in the way you moved. 

“And even though time and circumstances separated us, we found our way back to each other. Back to the love that we first felt at that Winter carnival all those years ago. Nothing in this world could ever keep me from my best girl.”

When his voice trembles, you squeeze Steve’s hand encouragingly. “We always talked about needing to find the right dance partner. Sweetheart, you're mine. I chose you then and I choose you now. I will choose you over and over again. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. 

“I'll keep choosing you and not a day will go by where you will not feel safe, wanted and loved. You have always been my strength and my courage. You give my life purpose and meaning, a reason to fight for what I believe in. I vow to protect and love you for the rest of our lives.”

You blink away a few tears and, when the Justice motions to you, you take a deep breath as Tony hands you your vows. “Oscar Wilde once said ‘you don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car but because they sing a song only you can hear’ and sweetheart, I have loved your song for almost eighty years. 

“Being Captain America has never had anything to do with how I felt about you, I fell in love with you because you are a good man. You’ve always stood up for what you believed in, even when others might not agree.”

Your breath hitches as you speak, making Steve blink away a few tears himself. “I fell in love with the boy from Brooklyn who didn't know how to ice skate. The boy who spent his mornings in the lab, pretending not to understand what I was working on, just to steal a few more minutes with me. I fell in love with the way you smile, the way you laugh and the way I see myself in your eyes. 

“When I thought I had lost you, it felt like my world had ended. Somehow, fate allowed me to find you again and it was like I could finally breathe, like I was finally whole for the first time since we were separated. It has _always_ been you, Steven Grant Rogers. And I will do everything in my power to give you the love you so greatly deserve, every single day for the rest of our lives.”

Bucky hands over the rings as the Justice turns to Steve with a serious expression. “Do you, Captain Steven Grant Rogers, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” 

“I do.” Steve answers, without hesitation, and slides a platinum wedding band onto your finger. 

The Justice turns to you, addressing you by your full name and asks the same question. “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” You answer, full of conviction, and slide a matching band onto Steve’s finger. 

“Then by the power vested in me by the state of New York, I pronounce you, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

Steve pulls you to him, wrapping his arms around you and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss is soft and sweet, ending with him twisting you into a dip. The crowd erupts into a symphony of cheers and hollering. 

When Steve rights you both, you face the crowd with matching smiles. Steve lifts your hand to his lips, kissing it gently as you both walk down the aisle for the first time as The Captain and Mrs. Rogers.

*** 

It’s a flurry of hugs and hellos as you and Steve make your way through the crowd of guests. Once you’ve both thanked everyone for coming, Thor waves Steve over to him with a huge grin. He kisses your cheek as he walks away, happy to see Thor for the first time in a little over a year. 

“You look quite enchanting, love.” Loki smiles as you turn around. “Even the fair folk on the Isle of Álfheimr cannot compare to the vision of you in that dress.”

You glance down at your dress and lift your head with a grin. “Tony did really well. I’m pretty sure I got a little emotional when I first saw it.”

Loki wraps his arms around you, hugging you warmly. “Believe me, my dear, there was not a dry eye in the room when you walked down the aisle.” He inclines his head in Steve’s direction. “Even your Captain was overcome with emotion when he first saw you. Darling girl, he looked at you like you were his sun.”

You tilt your head, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. “The sun?” You let a smile creep onto your face. “Loki, I’m pretty sure I’ve only ever squinted at the sun. Us Midgardians aren’t supposed to stare directly at it, you know.”

“Not _the_ sun, love.” Loki clarifies, gesturing to a table nearby for you both to sit. “ _His_ sun. I watched the Captain as everyone else watched you. With each step you took, he was grounded by the pull of your silent strength. I saw the storms raging in his eyes, quelled by the radiance in yours; calmed by the promise of a new day with you at his side.” 

He takes your hand, smiling down at you. “Once his hand held yours, all darkness was banished by the warmth he found in the rays of your smile. The Captain needs you to breathe, he loves you unconditionally.”

You’re speechless as you take in what Loki’s just said. You’ve never heard Steve’s feelings for you described like that before. You open your mouth to answer but find your eyes watering instead. Sensing your impending tears, Loki pulls a handkerchief from his suit jacket. 

“I did not intend to bring you to tears on your wedding day, my dear.” He smiles softly. “I only intended to convey how much the Captain loves you. After seeing into your memories, I promised him I would never question the depth of his devotion to you. I saw it again today, reflected in the way he watched you.”

Leaning back in your chair, you dab your eyes gently. “No, no it’s alright. I just.. Wait, when did you see my memories?” You ask, folding the handkerchief and resting it on the table. “I don’t remember -”

“When you were in the hospital.” Loki glances over at Steve before setting his gaze back on you. “As I was healing the injuries to your brain, my magic allowed me access to your mind. With each passing moment, you grew stronger. As did the intensity of your memories. They played for me like a motion picture in pieces.”

For a second, you’re afraid to ask what Loki had seen. There’s plenty of memories from your past you’d rather not relive, let alone share with anyone else. 

“I was able to share with the Captain moments in time; moments that showed both of us just how deeply you love him.” You let out the breath you didn’t realize you were holding as Loki continues.

“We were able to watch you fall in love, through your own eyes. After that, I knew that you and he were bound together by the vines of Yggdrasil. I truly believe you would call yourselves soulmates.”

“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love Steve.” You turn to watch him, Steve’s hand pressed to his chest as he belly laughs. “I think soulmate seems like an appropriate way to describe how we feel about each other.” You lift a brow in concern. “But you doubted him?”

Loki shifts in his chair, uncertainty crossing his features. “After I saw you lying there, I had a moment. I had not been properly informed of the situation.” His eyes narrow slightly, making you wonder why. “But rest assured, after speaking with him then and seeing into your mind, there is not a man alive that loves you more than the Captain does.”

“Truer words have never been spoken, my friend.” You smile up at Steve as Loki stands to shake his hand. 

“Congratulations, Captain Rogers.” Loki smiles. “Married life becomes you.” 

Steve beams at him before extending his arm to you. “Loki, if I may? I’d like to borrow my wife for a moment. I owe her a dance.” 

You can’t stop the grin that erupts on your face. _My wife._ You’ve waited so long for Steve to be able to call you that. Warmth floods through you as you stand and lace your fingers through his. 

“Of course, Captain.” Loki rises, glancing around the room for his brother. “I must find my brother before he gives the boy a drop of the liquor he’s smuggled through the Bifrost.”

Both you and Steve raise your eyebrows in concern. “Please see that he doesn’t.” Steve asks as your eyes sift through the crowd for Peter. “Whatever that was, was strong even for me.” With a laugh and a reassuring nod, Loki glides away from you both. 

Steve pulls you to him with a soft smile. He nods in the direction of the bandstand, making the singer at the microphone start to wrap up his song. “Darling wife,” he smirks playfully. “The band is about to play our song. And I for one, am especially eager for you to hear it.”

“I can’t wait.” You glance over at the crowd forming a circle in the center of the dancefloor. “I know how important this was to you, Stevie.” 

Before he can reply, the emcee makes a sweeping gesture with his hand as he calls you both to the center. With your hand clasped in his, Steve leads you as your guests start to clap. 

When the soft melody begins to play, it takes you a moment, but when you stare into the soft cerulean of his eyes, you realize you recognize it. 

You tilt your head as he sways back and forth with you, willing your mind to understand how you know it. You haven’t listened to it on your own, you’re sure of that. But it’s familiarity washes over you, just the same. 

Steve presses his forehead to yours as he begins to softly speak the words, just loud enough for you to hear. “And all along I believed I would find you, time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more.” 

The lyrics echo the promise Steve made to you in his vows, to choose you over and over for the rest of his life.

You let out a soft gasp, understanding how you know it. You heard this melody when you were in your coma. Countless times the lyrics drifted into your mind, often by Steve himself. Hearing them now, making sense of them for the first time, brings a few tears to your eyes. Never in your life have you found a song more fitting for the two of you. 

“I remember this.” You lift your head to meet his shining eyes. “I thought it was a dream,” you explain as Steve tilts his head in confusion. “But I remember you singing this to me. When I was… oh Steve, it’s perfect.”

Wordlessly, Steve lifts your chin with his finger and softly presses his lips to yours. You melt into the kiss, letting the world disappear as you lean into his embrace. You slowly twirl around the dance floor, resting your head on Steve’s chest as he continues to softly sing the words to you. 

“Ladies and gentleman,” the emcee calls out. “Let’s hear it for The Captain and Mrs. Rogers!” As the music slows, Steve captures your lips in another soft kiss and the crowd watching erupts into applause.

As the emcee invites the rest of the crowd onto the dance floor, Steve leans over and whispers in your ear that Peter is the one who discovered the song for you in the first place. 

“Really?” You ask, eyes wide. When Steve nods, you scan the crowd for the teenager. Finding him excitedly talking to Tony by the cake table, you walk over and gently tap his shoulder. 

When Peter turns, his startled face quickly turns to a wide grin. “Hey Mrs. R! Weird, I can actually call you that now and I’m not gonna get yelled at. You look so pretty in that dress. Mr. Stark said he had it made for you. I mean, you look perfect. Uh, it… it looks perfect.”

Tony rolls his eyes, stifling a laugh by taking a sip of his drink. “Stop talking, kid.” He suggests, smiling at the embarrassed expression on Peter’s face. 

“It’s fine, Tony.” You laugh softly. Glancing at Peter, you motion for him to step away with you. “Could I have a word with Peter?” You ask, nodding at the boy with a smile. Tony sweeps his arm out and Peter follows you to a high top table. 

Before you say anything, you lean over and kiss Peter’s cheek. His eyes grow as wide as saucers as his ears turn scarlet. “Wha... what’s that for?” He murmurs in surprise. 

“Steve told me you found our wedding song.” Your lips twist into a smirk. “I remember hearing it when I was unconscious. It’s perfect and I wanted to thank you for that.”

Peter shoves his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, no problem! I just remember hearing it a while ago and it popped up one day and I was like, this song is perfect for them! The doctors said it was good for you to hear music and people talking when you were in the coma so I’m glad that it worked!”

You rest an arm on the table next to you. “It absolutely worked. Thank you, Peter.” 

Peter’s cheeks flush pink before he quickly wraps his arms around you in a hug. You recover from the surprise and return the hug with a smile. When he pulls away, you thank him again and let him head over to where his aunt is excitedly talking to Happy.

“I think you broke the kid.” Tony laughs, walking up behind you with two drinks. He hands you the clear drink before downing the rest of his. 

You take a small sip and rest the glass on the table. “Did you know about the song?”

“Yeah, Cap told me a few days ago.” Tony gestures across the room to where Steve is in deep conversation with Bucky. “I thought it was sweet. Glad he kept it a secret.” He turns back to you with a raised brow. “Speaking of, after you two crazy kids cut the cake and all that, your husband and I have a surprise for you. I mean, technically just your husband. But I helped, a lot.”

You furrow your brow. “What is it?”

“ _Nope._ ” He motions for Steve to head over. “I’m not saying a word. We’ve worked way too damn hard. And honestly, I’m shocked that _someone_ didn’t accidentally let slip what we were doing. Everyone knew but you.”

“Is it time to cut the cake?” Steve asks, wrapping his arm around you. When Tony nods, Steve presses a kiss to your temple. “Good.” He grins. “There’s something I’ve been waiting almost a year to give to you.”

You tilt your head up to stare at him in confusion. Today has been perfect in every way. All you’ve ever wanted was him, and now that you finally share the same name, you can’t imagine what Steve could still have to give you. 

In this moment, you already have everything you could ever want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope that wedding was everything you wanted it to be. And that the moment, you know the one, was done with justice. We loved giving Bucky and Tony sweet moments before the wedding. We just love them and wanted them to have some time to be soft :)  
> And Loki certainly has a way with words, doesn't he? And for you to hear Steve's love described like that? Hopefully you swooned at that and those vows <3
> 
> Don't worry, we won't rob you of the wedding night. We just didn't want to rush that or the surprise! Til next week then :)


	78. Chapter Seventy-Eight

Once you’ve both cut the cake, Tony has you throw the bouquet over your shoulder. It’s a silly tradition but you’re happy to do it just the same. You let out a fit of laughter at Peter’s horrified face when Aunt May catches it easily. She and Happy both blush making you wonder if there’s something going on there. They’ve been inseparable most of the night. 

Your train of thought is interrupted when Tony steps up to the microphone and tells everyone to give you and Steve another round of applause. Steve kisses you in response, signaling a round of cheers and clapping. Tony gestures for everyone to quiet down and taps the mic with a smile.

“I’m telling you.” Tony starts, gesturing in your direction. “I couldn’t be happier for these two. No one is more deserving to live happily ever after. The Captain and Mrs. Rogers are two of the bravest, most worthy people I’ve had the honor of calling friends. Now, Cap and I have been planning a surprise for the missus for almost a year.”

Tony raises his glass in a toast. “So let’s raise a glass to the happy couple and send them on their way. If we don’t, I’m afraid Cap might spill the beans in excitement.” He raises an eyebrow with a smirk. “Plus, I’m sure they’d like to get to enjoying their wedding night.”

Your guests make excited noises as you and Steve duck your heads in embarrassment. Tony meets your eyes with a wide smile. “To the Captain and his incredible wife!” 

A waiter stops by with champagne for you and Steve. You smile as everyone raises their own glasses. Tony steps down and makes his way over to you. Pulling a navy silk handkerchief from his suit jacket, he hands it to Steve with a smile. “You’re gonna need this.” He offers, smirking at the confusion on your face. “Especially if you don’t want Ace to figure it out.”

You furrow your brow in concern, glancing between the two of them. “Stevie, what do you need a handkerchief for?” 

Steve shrugs with a sly grin. “Once we’re in the car, you’ll need to be blindfolded. Where we’re going is a surprise and I don’t want you to figure it out.” When the concerned expression doesn’t leave your face, he gently takes your hand. “Sweetheart, you’ll be perfectly fine. You’re going to love this, I promise.”

“Come on, Ace.” Tony folds his arms across his chest. “Cap and I wouldn’t steer you wrong. You know that.” He pulls you in for a hug as Bucky makes his way over. 

“Yeah, you’re going to love it. This one’s been planning forever.” Bucky smiles, nudging Steve in the side. “And Harvard?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Have fun tonight, make Dottie proud.”

You blush and roll your eyes as Steve leads you toward the exit. 

***

Safely inside the Audi, Steve leans over and ties the handkerchief over your eyes. “Can you see?” He asks, excitement in his voice. When you shake your head and tell him no, he starts the car and pulls away from the compound. “Get comfortable,” he tells you. “We’ve got a bit of a drive.”

“And I can’t see anything? At all?” You ask, letting your mouth twist into a pout. 

You can hear Steve’s low laugh over the hum of the engine. “Nope. I was serious about wanting it to be a surprise.”

Under the cloth, you roll your eyes but shimmy down in the seat to get comfortable. “Steve, you’ve gotta give me something. Are we driving the whole way? Is it where we’re spending our honeymoon? Are we staying there?”

“Yes, possibly, and I hope so.” Comes Steve’s mysterious response. You roll your eyes again, but don’t push him further. He and Tony seemed so excited to have pulled this off. You want to let him have this.

You talk for a few more moments until you feel your eyes start to get heavy with exhaustion. You had been a jittery mess the night before and you’d hated being in your bed alone. Despite trying to get yourself to bed early, you had really only gotten about three to four hours of sleep.

Mid conversation, you drift off without meaning to and stay asleep until you feel the engine stop. 

“Darling, we’re here.” Steve murmurs gently. “I’m going to come around and help you out. Don’t lift the blindfold.” You straighten in the seat and nod in the direction of his voice.

The door opens and Steve carefully assists you out of the car. He threads his fingers through yours and shuts the car door. With your hand secured in his, you walk with him a few steps until he stops. You feel his free hand move to the handkerchief knotted at the back of your head.

“Tony and I started planning this right after the attack on the compound.” Steve explains, his voice hushed but strangely giddy. “I’ve never been more excited for you to see what we’ve done. Especially after what we had to go through to get here.”

You incline your head as the blindfold falls away. Blinking a few times to adjust your eyes, you take in the impressive structure in front of you. You turn to Steve in confusion, gathering up the skirt of your dress so you can step forward. 

From the looks of it, it’s a classic style farmhouse. You haven’t even seen the interior and you know you already love it.

White siding, with navy shutters on it’s oversized windows, and a beautiful red door at the center of the wrap around porch. The porch itself is magnificent; a double swing hangs near the front door and two rocking chairs rest rear the side closest to the barn. The barn itself is attached, with matching red doors and navy accents. 

In your wildest dreams, if you could have built yourself the home you’d want to live out the rest of your days in, this would have blown it out of the water. Steve must have searched high and low for this place and rented it out for your honeymoon.

“Oh, Stevie.” You breathe softly, turning to him. “It’s beautiful. How long do we have it for?” 

Steve shrugs, holding back a smile. “Oh, I don’t know. Give or take another seventy years?”

Your eyes go wide. “What?”

“It’s ours.” Steve smiles, letting go of your hand for a moment to make a sweeping gesture. “The entire property is ours.” At your utter disbelief, he continues explaining. " _T_ _his_. This is what we’ve been working on for the last year. It’s our home, sweetheart.”

Your mind reels. “How?” You ask, feeling elation with each passing second. “How did you find this? It looks perfect, like I plucked it out of my dreams.”

Steve gives you a smug grin. “I had it built. Right under your nose, too. And do you know the best part?” You shake your head. “ _You_ gave us your opinion on just about every room. Your voice echoes throughout this house, same as mine.”

You tilt your head, making your brain sift through memories of the last year. Lightly, you slap his arm when you realize what he’s talking about. “Tony’s renovations on the house in Malibu! I should have known; a farmhouse is not Tony _or_ Pepper’s style.” When he nods you stare up at the house again, completely in awe. “This is really ours?”

Steve nods, gesturing for you to walk ahead of him. “It’s really ours. Even when things seemed too bleak to move forward, I made sure the construction continued. I knew you’d come back to me, sweetheart. Even after all the hardship, I knew I’d be able to give this to you.”

As you walk up to the front door, you turn back with a furrowed brow. “How far are we from the compound? It’s got to be a few hours at least and I don’t see a helipad anywhere.”

Steve closes his eyes and leans his head back. “Oh, it’s a bit of a distance.” He opens one eye. “A whole five minutes.”

“Excuse me?” You can’t help the surprise in your voice. “Did you just say _five minutes_?”

He fishes a key out of his tuxedo pocket. “I did. Possibly ten minutes if you’re walking. We do have the tunnel though, which leads us straight from the barn to the first floor training room. Should shave off a few minutes. If you’re in a hurry.”

You fold your arms across your chest as you stare at him. “ _How_?” You ask in disbelief. “Steve, we drove around for hours. I fell asleep!”

Sliding the key into the lock, he places your hand on top of his. “ _That_ was Tony’s idea. He suggested I drive around for hours to throw you off. I can’t wait to tell him that it actually worked.” You roll your eyes and turn the key with him.

Steve presses a kiss to your temple. “Welcome home, sweetheart.” He murmurs as he pushes the door open. You let out a soft gasp as you stare at the open space in the entranceway.

Before you protest, Steve sweeps you into his arms and carries you over the threshold of your new home. He laughs when you do, overcome with pure delight. When he sets you down, you take a few tentative steps in and whirl around in amazement. 

It’s simply gorgeous. The living room to your left, leads into your formal dining room. On your right is a main sitting room, with a sliding door to give you secondary access to the wraparound porch. 

The main living area is overlooked by a grand staircase, allowing access to both floors. The bannisters are polished light wood, all the way to the top. You reach out and run your fingers over the smooth surface, breath hitching in your chest at how much thought Steve put into the design of this house.

You wander through the rooms, staring in amazement at paintings or pieces of furniture you remember telling Tony you liked. “Do you like it?” Steve asks from behind you. You can only nod as you continue exploring. 

“Wait til you see the kitchen.” He suggests, pointing you around the corner from the family room. Your eyes widen in excitement. This was the room you had given Tony the most input for. You remember rolling your eyes thinking that he would never use the chef’s kitchen you had created for him, let alone have cabinets as blue as you wanted. 

When you step in, you cover your mouth and whirl around to lift the skirt of your dress. You hurry in and let your exaltation wash over you. Every detail is exactly how you wanted it, from the floor to ceiling navy cabinets and large subway tiles on the wall to the marble covered center island and counter tops. 

As you reverently touch the stainless steel of the fridge, you turn your head and smile at Steve. He smiles back, looking incredibly impressed with himself. 

In the center of the back wall, between the cabinets sits a giant window pane overlooking your spacious grounds. You notice a discreetly hidden door to the left and you wonder if it leads to the barn. 

As if reading your mind, Steve nods and points to it. “That leads out to the barn. Where you’ll find your office and mine as well as a fully equipped training room.”

“I love it.” You whisper, blinking back tears of happiness. “I absolutely love it.” 

“And I haven’t even shown you the upstairs yet.” Steve laughs, taking your hand in his. “Let me show you my favorite room.”

As you walk with him toward the stairs, you squint and step closer to a picture hanging on the wall. You tilt your head as you recognize yourself and the Howling Commandos. Steve notices it too, running his fingers over the glass with a smile. 

You whirl around, noticing more of the drawings hung artfully throughout the rooms. You have no idea how you missed them when you first stepped into the house. Steve seems to have just noticed them as well. 

“Well, I’ll be damned.” He laughs to himself as he leans in and stares at a drawing of you and him ducking under his shield.

“You didn’t do this?” You ask, glancing down to see two sketches of your own face on the top of a side table. 

Steve shakes his head. “Tony must’ve. I haven’t seen some of these drawings since 1944.” He lifts a framed picture of himself, you, Dottie and Bucky. “He had to have gotten them from his father’s trunks and just didn’t tell me.” 

“There must be over a dozen down here, at least.” You comment, showing him a drawing of the two of you, Steve in his old Captain America uniform and you in your old dress uniform. Howard never made you wear it, but you knew Steve liked it.

“I wonder if he put them upstairs too.” Steve glances up before settling his eyes back on you. “Shall we check?” You nod with a grin and grab his hand to pull him upstairs with you. 

At the top of the stairs, you can look down and see most of the main floor. You turn to the open hallway and decide which room to step into first. “A guest suite, bathroom and two bedrooms over there.” Steve gestures to your right. “And over _here_ , is the master suite and attached spa bathroom. Which is my favorite.”

“Let’s see it then.” You grin, letting him lead you through the door. 

The master suite is stunning. Large, spacious and full of light with a king sized bed up against the back wall. French glass doors lead out to your own private balcony complete with chairs and a small table. When you step back in you smile at the small writing desk near another set of doors.

You glance around the room, taking note of the navy and white striped bedspread. It looks incredibly soft and plush. When you’re lying next to Steve, you already don’t want to get out. Add the comfort of that bed to the mix? You’ll never want to leave. 

More of Steve’s drawings grace the room. Sketches of the two of you in the city, from the forties and in the present day, sit on your dresser. An incredibly detailed drawing of you rests next to Steve’s alarm clock on his bedside table. Your eyes water when you see a drawing of you and Dottie on your own side table. 

“Buck said it was weird that I had drawn the two of you.” Steve runs his hand down his beard as you stare up at him. “But you both looked so incredible at the party, I couldn’t help it. And now, I’m glad you have a picture so you can see her.”

You shake your head, admiring the way Steve captured the light in Dottie’s eyes. “It’s not weird.” You promise him, lifting the frame and pressing it to your heart. “Thank you for this.”

His eyes shine as he smiles and reaches for your hand. You set the frame down and move with him toward a set of double doors near a window.

Steve steps up and flings them open, motioning for you to step inside. You’d call it a walk in closet, but that doesn’t do it justice. The room is easily the size of your old suite with rows of drawers and a multitude of sections for all of yours and Steve’s clothes. 

“This was _all_ Tony.” Steve laughs. “I don’t need much space but he insisted.” Shaking your head, you step back out and peer over at the door near the far wall. “Ah, yes.” He inclines his head. “The spa.”

“ _The spa_.” You repeat with a smile in your voice. “Alright then, husband, dazzle me.”

Steve crosses the distance and opens the door. “With pleasure, my darling wife.” 

You step into the room and let out another audible gasp. A giant spa sized tub sits on a raised stone platform. Candles line the steps leading to the tub’s entrance. To the left is a giant glass shower, with enough room for at least six adults. 

Double sinks grace the opposite wall with a marble vanity in the middle. Off to the corner is a pocket door leading to the private lavatory. It’s completely perfect.

“Can you see why this room is my favorite?” Steve asks, motioning to the giant tub. “You and I could fit in there without danger of flooding downstairs.”

You cover your mouth with your hand to stifle a laugh. “How mad was Tony after that?” 

“He got over it.” Steve laughs, reaching for your hand. He threads his fingers through yours and lifts your hand to his lips to kiss the back of it. “I have something to show you downstairs, my love.”

You let him lead you back downstairs and into the kitchen. You furrow your brow as Steve slides open a draw in the center island. When he turns, he’s holding a square shaped box wrapped in gold paper. “I had this made for you last Christmas. Despite everything, I knew you’d come back to me.”

He smiles sadly for a moment, staring down at the box. “I wanted to give it to you after you woke up, but with everything that happened, I wasn’t sure you’d want it. So I waited and waited until things were right between us and before I knew it, we were planning the wedding. So I decided to give this chapter of our lives to you in the place where our new chapter begins.”

With a confused expression, you take the box and rest it on the island. Excitedly ripping the wrapping paper, you grin at him before raising the lid. Inside are two large leather books with yours and Steve’s names on the front of both. You incline your head in Steve’s direction as you lift the top one from the box.

You slide it open with shaking fingers. Inside the pages are newspaper clippings, your letters back and forth and old photographs of you, Steve, Bucky and Dot. With a smile, you even notice a few of you and Howard from the base. Your entire relationship is chronicled in front of you through memories and pictures you thought were forever lost to time. 

You pass by photographs of the engagement party with a smile. As you turn a few pages filled with sketches of you and Steve at the MET, you notice a few drops of liquid splash onto the page. You hadn’t realized you’d started crying.

“I hope those are tears of joy, darling.” Steve laughs, lifting your chin to wipe away the tears. 

“They are.” You assure him with a soft smile. “I can’t believe how full this book is. How on earth did you manage to find all of this?”

Steve shrugs, clearly proud of himself. “Tony found another of Howard’s trunks in storage. We sifted through it, pulled out things that were yours or mine. So between that and the other two trunks, I had a good start. And I have plenty of sketches and photographs of you, my love. We just put it all together.”

“I love it. I love you.” Your voice is tight; you know if you look him directly in the eyes, more tears will spill down your cheeks. “So much.” Your eyes move to the second book and confusion clouds your face. “What’s the second one?”

Steve lifts it from the box, setting it down on the table. “This was a late add in but I felt it was appropriate.” He slides his fingers under the cover and opens the scrapbook. “These pages are waiting to be filled. Like I said, a new chapter in our lives. So wherever that takes us, whatever our family looks like as we go through life together, I want to fill this with you.”

He turns to you with a grin. Effortlessly, he snakes his hands under you to lift you up and onto the island next to the book. “I love you, Mrs. Rogers and I want to make a lifetime’s worth of new memories with you.”

You cup Steve’s face with your hands and smile down at him. “I love you too, Captain Rogers.” You press your lips to his as he pulls you closer to him. You let out a soft whimper when he pulls your bottom lip between his teeth. 

Your hands thread into his hair, tugging him closer to you. When he grins against your mouth, you part your lips and allow his tongue to slip in. Your soft moan encourages him to move one of his hands into your hair. He effortlessly pulls the pins out, letting your curls fall down your back.

Steve carefully lifts the skirt of your dress and slides his hand underneath. “I can’t wait to get you out of this dress, darling.” He murmurs, making you shiver at how deep his voice has gotten. “I’m going to enjoy peeling you out if it.”

As his fingers slide up your thighs, you lean your head back and out a soft whimper of need. His hand grazes your sex and grins when he finds wetness already soaking through your panties. His fingers easily move the lace to one side, slipping inside of you with no resistance.

You buck your hips at his touch, letting out soft gasps as his fingers move inside you. Your hands rest on his chest for support, flexing your fingers against the expanse of muscle in front of you. His skin is warm underneath his dress shirt, making you tug it from his pants and slip your fingers under the material.

When you bite your lip to swallow another moan, Steve chuckles darkly and threads his fingers through your hair again, guiding your head back to meet your eyes with his own. He crashes his lips to yours once more as his fingers continue to expertly curl and move inside you. 

Your nails dig into his chest, eliciting a soft hiss of pleasure from Steve’s mouth. His thumb brushes against your clit, making you jerk up to buck against his hand. You grip him tightly as his thumb starts to move in steady circles, rocking back and forth along your sensitive bundle of nerves. 

As you feel the coiling pressure in your core start to build, the only thing keeping you from letting your head fall back is Steve’s hand in your hair. Your hips rise up to allow his thumb the pressure it needs to send your orgasm crashing through you like a tidal wave. 

Steve’s mouth swallows your moan as his hands move to help you down off the counter. You ride out the rest of your orgasm in his arms. He spins you around, nuzzling your neck with his nose. Your front is flush against the counter, trapping you between it and his body. 

Your legs still feel like jelly, making you press your palms to the cool marble of the island to support yourself. As you feel the evidence of Steve’s arousal pressed against you, you fight down a fleeting surge of panic through the haze of your own arousal. You don’t want it to, not here, but your mind flashes to the dream you had almost a year and a half ago.

Steve had pushed you onto the island in the kitchen of the compound and brutally assaulted you. When you had tried to get away, he had lifted and pressed you into the cold unfeeling stone. 

When you unconsciously tense up, Steve freezes and whispers “Are you alright, my love?” softly in your ear. You close your eyes for a moment and inhale the comforting scent of him to ground yourself. You aren’t in the compound. You’re in your new kitchen, in your new house, with your new husband.

You nod your head, knowing that Steve is not the twisted version that you were afraid of in your dream, but the real flesh and blood man you love more than anything. “Take me upstairs, Captain.” You ask as you spin yourself around and smile up at him. 

“With pleasure, Mrs. Rogers.” Steve smirks, easily lifting you. You wrap your arms around the back of his neck as he carefully carries you up the stairs. 

You press soft kisses to his exposed collar bone as he walks, making him chuckle as he sets your down. “Try to be patient, darling. It would be a shame to destroy this dress.”

You tilt your head back, letting out a soft sigh as he moves your hair to one side. “I can’t promise you won’t want to once you see what’s underneath it.” You gasp as his warm fingers begin deftly unbuttoning the pearls along your back. 

Once he’s gotten enough of them undone, Steve whirls you around and helps you step out of your wedding dress. You watch the blue of his eyes darken in lust as they drink in the burgundy lace of your bustier. His fingers gently trace over the swell of your breasts, making your breath hitch in excitement. 

Steve’s fingers trail down the burgundy buttons, stopping to hook his fingers into the lace of your panties. He crouches to move them down your hips. His mouth slowly kisses up your leg, through your stocking. 

When he gets to the garter belt and the stays holding your stockings up, he unhooks them to slide your panties down, then re-attaches the stays and smirks up at you. “This and the heels.” He murmurs against your skin. “You’re keeping these on.”

“Yes, Captain.” You agree, letting your head fall back as his lips move to the apex of your thighs. The scratch of his beard is heaven as he nuzzles your sensitive skin. When he rises and leans back to admire you, you can feel your body aching at the loss of his touch. 

“You are the most beautiful dame in the world.” Steve steps forward, pressing kisses along your collarbone. “I am so lucky to be your husband.” Your hands wrap around the back of his neck as he lifts you up and walks toward the bed. 

As he lays you down, your hair fans out on the plush comforter underneath you. Steve quickly shrugs out of his clothes, tossing them into a pile with your dress. You scoot yourself back, watching as Steve hungrily climbs onto the bed. You rise on your elbows, letting your lips meet his as he expertly wraps his arms around you. 

In a swift motion, Steve flips you so you’re straddling his hips. You stare down at him with a soft smile as his eyes bore into yours.

His hands lift to the buttons on your bustier and with a wide grin, he unhooks each one until it falls away from your body. He scoots you forward, reaching between you to guide his cock to your entrance. You’re soaking wet and from the hardness you feel between his legs, his arousal matches yours.

“My God, you are so beautiful.” Steve murmurs as you move your hips to allow yourself the ability to take him inch by inch. He hisses as you move achingingly slow. But from the expression you see on his face, you continue to do so, even as your legs begin to tremble. His fingers dig into your hips as he feels you stretch to take him all in.

With a smirk, Steve arches his hips upwards, somehow driving himself deeper inside you. You let out something between a whimper and a moan, the sound making him close his eyes and pull down on your hips. When he tells you to move, you don’t need to be told twice.

You find the perfect rhythm with your hips, moving quick enough that you both can feel your arousal dripping, but not too quickly that you aren’t able to savor the pleasant ache of him inside you. 

As you move, you brace yourself with your hands flat against his chest. When your breath comes out quick and shuddery, he reaches up and lets his hands roam your body. His fingers pinch your nipples, carefully rolling the sensitive buds until they’re hard peaks on your breasts. 

The feeling of his hands on you sends a pleasant ripple through your core and you slowly roll your hips to chase the feeling. The motion elicits a low groan from Steve’s mouth. You smile as you quicken your pace, grinding against him and letting out a soft moan of your own. 

With each movement of your hips, you stretch to accommodate him. He’s soaked in your arousal, and you can feel his resolve wearing thin. When Steve reaches down with his thumb to gently circle your clit, his smirk proves that he’s pleased when you falter in your movements. 

He quickens his pace, moving his thumb in time with the rolling of your hips. You gasp and let your head drop forward, feeling the bright spark of electricity building in your core. Your body moves with one focus now, faster than you had been, as you chase your climax. It crashes over you, making you moan his name over and over until you're breathless.

When your muscles squeeze around him in pleasure, that’s the push he needs. By the time yours subsides, Steve’s orgasm pulses inside you, filling you completely.

You let yourself fall onto his chest, both of you panting as you try to catch your breath. “This might be _my_ favorite room in the house, Captain.” You laugh softly as you roll off him and snuggle into his outstretched arm. 

“I thought the kitchen would be a top contender for sure.” Steve turns his head to grin at you, raising an eyebrow playfully. “But I think I’m being pulled in favor of this one as well.” 

You close your eyes, pulling in a deep and contented breath. “I think we’re just going to have to try them all and see.” You open one eye and chuckle softly. “For scientific purposes, of course.”

“ _Of course_.” Steve agrees, kissing the top of your head. “Shall we start in the shower?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who called it on the house?! We had a few call back here to earlier chapters, hope things clicked in place for you! We tried to paint as vivid a picture as possible so you could envision exactly what your new home looks like :) And the pictures that Tony has framed? Adorable! And the scrapbooks? Steve is a hell of a romantic...  
> As for the wedding night, we hope it was everything you wanted it to be <3


	79. Chapter Seventy-Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to give you guys, our fabulous readers, a heads up:  
> With next Thursday being Thanksgiving and both of us being in the retail and service industry (oh, Black Friday) we won't be posting next week. Between attempting to safely see our families and prep for the exhausting few days that will be Black Friday weekend, we won't have time for more than sleeping and grabbing a quick bite. Rest assured, the following Thursday, we will be right back on schedule giving you the next chapter of the story y'all have come to love as much as we do. 
> 
> We love you guys, thanks for understanding and being amazing! <3

You hadn’t known about the briefing. 

F.R.I.D.A.Y. let it slip when you asked the AI to call Tony. When you told Steve about the emergency meeting that neither of you were attending, you had watched his shoulders tense up immediately. A few minutes later, you and Steve were hurrying down the corridor of the compound, concern etched on both of your faces.

Now, as you catch your breath outside the door, Steve carefully enters the code to let the two of you in. Six sets of eyes turn in surprise as you step in beside your husband. “Sorry we’re late,” his voice booms as he steps further into the room. “But we didn’t know about it. What have we missed?”

Tony rolls his eyes as he leans back in his chair. “You missed all of it, buddy.” At your confused expression, he glances at Bucky before he attempts to answer. When he nods, Tony lets out a heavy sigh. “Should’ve figured we couldn’t hide it from you.”

Watching him carefully, you make your way to the table as he begins explaining why the meeting was called in the first place. “But honestly, it might have been a blessing that you weren’t here for the _actual_ meeting. Fury is a little on the clinical side when it comes to sensitive subjects like this and we didn’t want to ruin your honeymoon.”

As Steve sits beside you, Bucky slides him his own folder. “Tony’s not wrong. The Director just spit the information and asked how we were gonna handle it. Kinda cold about it too.”

“I’m not saying I see his side of things,” Natasha raises her eyebrow in Bucky’s direction. “But there’s only a few of you that actually know what happened in there. Nick is well aware that Steve and Tony doctored the reports.”

Your stomach flips, anxiously. “Handle _what_ , exactly?” You ask, as you meet Tony’s eyes from across the table.

“Field agents heard whispers of a stronghold in the Northwest.” He explains, dark eyes flicking between you and Steve. “A group of Schmidt’s followers. Agents who believed in his doctrine and what he planned to do with Cap’s blood.”

Your mouth runs dry as Steve squeezes your hand under the table. “But he’s.. He’s dead.” You clear your throat to keep the shake from it. “I know he’s dead. Why would there still be… there’s no reason for…what do they want?” 

You’re safe now, you know that. But it doesn’t stop icy dread from snaking up your spine. 

Pulling in a deep breath through your nose, you close your eyes to keep the room from spinning. You can hear your heartbeat thudding in your ears as panic threatens to overwhelm you. _Schmidt is dead. I shot him. He can’t hurt us anymore._

“What does Nick want us to do?” Steve asks, his voice tense and clipped. You marvel at how calm he is despite the obvious concern written on his face.

You open your eyes and stare at Tony. “Did the team find anything?” 

Rhodey raises his hands in a placating gesture as he cuts Tony off before he can answer. “Fury hopes that it will amount to nothing -”

“Okay, here me out.” Peter remarks with a soft scoffing sound. “And obviously with all due respect, but when has it ever been _nothing."_

Tony laughs despite the stern expression on his face. “Make the kid an official Avenger and it’s all sass all the time.”

Rhodey rolls his eyes. “Yeah, he hangs around _you_ too much.” 

When Tony shrugs, you let out an annoyed huff and ask your question again. Your voice comes out higher and more frightened than you expected, silencing the chatter that existed in the room. 

“At first, it was nothing substantial.” Tony admits, flipping open his own folder. “An old military base in Northern California. S.H.I.E.L.D. never used it so it was largely looked over. But last night a radio signal went out to the base where you and Steve were held. We intercepted it immediately.” 

Steve’s fingers feel clammy entwined with your own. You steal a quick glance at him and watch fear mix with anxiety in his eyes. “What was the signal?” He asks softly. “Coordinates? A message?”

When Tony doesn’t answer, you push yourself away from the table. “Anthony? What was the signal?” He stays frustratingly silent.

“It was a message.” Bucky answers, sitting up nervously in his seat. “We don’t want you guys to panic because you’re still on your honeymoon. But we were going to ground you anyway. Do us a favor and stay out of the city for the next few days. And when you do go back, maybe stay away from Delmonico’s.”

“You’ve been there four times in the last week and a half.” Sam offers when your eyes widen in panic. He tilts his head in your direction. “It sounds like they were going to try and take you. They knew you were wearing a green dress last night.”

Steve sucks in a quick breath and narrows his eyes. “ _How_? We haven’t taken the chopper into the city, just my bike.”

“We don’t know.” Tony responds, folding his arms across his chest. You can hear the frustration in his voice. “But we’re going to find out. So I’m gonna ask you both, once we’ve filled you in on everything, _please_ , stay inside. Just until we know for sure you’re safe.”

You shake your head despite the dread settling heavily in your stomach. “Anthony, we can’t just -”

“ _Yeah you can_ , Ace.” He snaps, surprising you and Steve by the harshness in the tone of his voice. “You can go back to your home, where it’s safe and secure and let us do what we do best.” 

When Steve opens his mouth to argue, Tony whirls on him. “ _Steve_ , we’re not taking any chances this time with _either of you_ , we already agreed. You got it?”

The finality in his voice gives you pause. Tony isn’t usually the one to make demands but no one in the room argues with his reasoning. He’s worried about Schmidt’s followers, worried that this might be _something_. And so are you. If they had attacked when you were in the city, neither you or Steve would've been prepared. You shudder to think what they would have done to you.

When Steve nods, you do as well. “Yeah, we got it.” He concedes, raising his hands in defeat.

“Good.” Tony smiles grimly. “Now, let’s get you caught up so you can get back to your honeymoon.”

***

It’s not a difficult thing to spend the next week in your house. Especially since you and Steve can’t seem to keep your hands off each other. 

On your first day back, you’re supposed to be heading to the compound for a follow up meeting at 1300h. You won’t be arriving on time.

As soon as Steve helped you zip up your dress so you could head over, his lips found their way to the back of your neck and before you knew it, it was 1345h and your dress and Steve’s pants were on the floor. 

***

“What happened?” Tony laughs once you’ve arrived. He gestures to his watch with a wide smile. “You get lost in the tunnel? Let me guess, there was traffic?”

You feel your cheeks flush pink with embarrassment. “I’m sorry Anthony, we lost track of time.” 

“Yeah, that’s one way to put it.” Sam laughs, pushing away from the briefing table. “Hey, uh, Cap? You know your shirt is half tucked in, right? And I mean, maybe you do things differently in your old age but, those buttons are _not_ all done.” He glances at you with a smile. “You finish getting dressed on the jog over?”

Steve quickly moves to fix his shirt as you address the group. “It _was_ our honeymoon,” You fold your arms across your chest. “And usually Steve calls the meetings, so you’ll forgive us if we weren’t punctual this one time.”

“Come on, Ace.” Tony pushes himself to his feet and walks over to you, briefing folder in hand. “I ask you to stay inside for one week. Is this the first time you’ve put clothes on since you got back to the house?”

You can’t help but roll your eyes. “That is hardly any of your business.”

With a smirk, he hands you the paperwork. “So, yes.” 

“Yeah,” Sam drawls from behind Tony. “You two can’t keep your hands off each other. It’s gonna be _hell_ now that you’re both back.”

Steve furrows his brow, glancing between Sam and Tony. “What are you talking about? Of course we can.”

“Yeah, before you were married, you two were fine.” Tony shrugs, letting out a soft laugh. “But now? You two wouldn’t last a week if you had to.” 

Natasha pushes herself to her feet. “Now, that is a bet I’d take.” She smirks at you. “Cause you definitely couldn’t. Neither of you have any self control now that you’ve tied the knot.”

Tony pulls his wallet out of his back pocket with a grin. “You know what? Alright, five G’s says Ace can hold out longer.”

“Nah,” Sam pulls out his own wallet and peers inside. “I can’t bet that much, but I’m throwing six hundred in the pool. Cap’s gonna win this. My boy has got game. She's gonna cave.”

“ _We’re right here_.” You fold your arms across your chest. “Please don’t make a bet on which of us can withhold from the other the longest. Surely, there’s a better use of your time and resources.”

Tony, Natasha and Sam all smile. “Nope, can’t think of a thing.” Natasha pulls a thick roll of cash from her suit, winking at you as she tosses it on the table. “I’m throwing in a thousand. My bet’s on you, us girls gotta stick together.”

She turns back to you both with a wicked smile. “So the cash pot and _ultimate_ bragging rights goes to whichever of you can withhold sex from the other the longest.” 

As you raise an eyebrow in Natasha's direction, a plan starts to form in your head. You’ve never had any desire to _not_ be intimate with Steve. If you teased him and tried to get him to cave, you could have a lot of fun with this. No one would expect you to _want_ to win, let alone get creative with ways to throw him off his game. 

“Come on guys,” Steve lowers his hands in front of his body. “We’re not betting against each -”

“Why not? Are you afraid that you’ll lose, _Captain_?” You turn to face him, lifting an eyebrow playfully.

Steve’s eyes widen at the mischievous look on your face. “Oh, I never said that, sweetheart.” He grins down at you. “I just didn’t want you to feel bad when _you_ lose.”

“Then it’s on.” You slowly run your fingers along his arm. “But, Captain, I’m not going to go easy on you. I play to win.”

Steve lifts your chin with his finger. “So do I, darling.”

***

That night as the rest of the group settles in front of the massive flat screen in the common room, you happily hang back to store the leftovers. While Steve had offered, you didn’t mind putting things back in their proper homes before you joined everyone for the movie. 

You lean in the doorway for a moment, watching the team get comfortable. Your eyes drift to Steve and you can’t help but smile. You don’t know what came over you when you challenged Steve to this bet but you’re determined to win. 

You don’t know _how_ you’ll do it; everything Steve does is attractive to you. But if anyone can get creative and make his resolve crumble, it’s you. You know what makes him melt, you’ve just gotta pull out all the stops. 

You walk around the couch, where Steve and Bucky sit and glance at the space intentionally left in the center for you. When Steve smiles up at you, you point to his lap and smile. “Is this seat taken?”

Steve sits up straight, furrowing his brow. “Sweetheart,” he stares up at you in question. “That’s my lap.” 

With a small smirk, you run your fingers through his hair and push the stray strands away from his face. “That doesn’t answer my question, Captain.” 

Bucky coughs to stifle a laugh as Steve shifts uncomfortably on the couch. “I, uh, that’s not a…” 

Without a word, you hike the skirt of your dress just enough to make Steve’s eyes flit down to your legs. You watch his gaze darken as he lifts his head to meet your eyes. You smile sweetly, pretending not to notice the effect you’re having on him. “Is my sitting here going to be a problem?” 

When Steve shakes his head, you settle yourself onto his lap, smirking at Bucky as he stares, slack jawed at what you’ve just done. You reach back for Steve’s arms, wrapping them around your waist, as you incline your head back. “What are we watching?” You ask, rocking your hips back and forth just enough to make Steve clear his throat before answering.

“Uh, we’re watching ‘Murder on the Orient Express.’” Steve squeaks from behind you. “Buck suggested it.” You stifle back your giggle. This is _definitely_ going to be fun.

You lean your body, resting your back against Steve’s chest and let out a soft sigh. “I love this movie.” You turn your head to smile at Bucky, tickling Steve with your hair as you move. “This was a great choice. I could sit here all night.”

Bucky lets out a sharp laugh as he stares between your face and Steve’s. “I’m sure you could, Harvard. But I don’t know if Stevie’s gonna make it if you do.”

“I...I’ll be fine.” A shaky laugh huffs out of Steve’s chest. “Let’s just watch this, huh?”

As you watch the movie, you make sure to squirm and shift in your seat throughout the night. Once it’s over, you slide yourself off Steve’s lap, making sure to wiggle your hips as you stand. “Shall we go home, darling?” You ask innocently as everyone makes their way out of the common room.

Steve immediately moves his hands to cover his lap and lightheartedly glares up at you. “I think we both know that I’m going to need a moment.” 

“Captain, I’m not sure I know what you mean.” You widen your eyes coquettishly, playing with the neckline of your dress. “Is something wrong?”

You smirk at Bucky as he laughs riotously and pushes himself up from the couch. “Hope you know what you got yourself into, Stevie.” He warns, slapping Steve’s leg. “If she keeps taking pages outta Dottie’s book, you won’t last the night.”

Steve lets out a soft huff of disbelief but to your immense satisfaction, he doesn't dare to disagree.

Once everyone has left the room, you hold out your hand to Steve. “Don’t make me walk home alone.” You pout, earning a raised eyebrow from him in return. 

When he lets out a resigned sigh, he moves his hands and rises from the couch. You smile as you glance down at the visible evidence that you’ve won this round. You know that Steve will have a planned counterattack but for now, you’ll take the victory with pride.

***

You’re not sure what you smell when you walk in from the training room, but it’s heavenly. As you set your files down and slide the door behind you, you turn to find Steve and Tony deep in conversation in the kitchen. Tony raises his glass in greeting as you walk over.

“Perfect timing!” He laughs, setting his drink down on the marble countertop. “I was just about to ask Cap about this bet. Cause I gotta know the specifics here.”

Steve leans over and kisses your cheek in greeting as Tony raises his arms excitedly. “See? This is _exactly_ what I mean!”

You cross your arms over your chest as you lean against the counter top. “ _We_ didn’t create this bet, Anthony. Steve and I just agreed to it.”

“Fair point.” Tony laughs. “But have you figured out what your rules are? Cause he kissed you hello but I’m sure that anything more _physical_ is off limits.”

Steve glances at you as he speaks. “We honestly haven’t thought too much about rules and restrictions. I mean, we’re going to do whatever it takes to beat the other but we’re not going to -”

“I’m going to let my husband kiss me on the cheek,” You jump in, pushing yourself off the counter. “But if I go further than that, I’m trying to seduce him and win this bet.” You stare up at Steve through your lashes. “And the Captain has already seen first hand that I’m capable of _rising to that occasion_.”

When Steve’s ears turn bright scarlet, Tony whirls on him with an excited grin. “I’m gonna need that story.”

You laugh and start to make your way out of the kitchen. “I’m going up to change and Steve will tell you all about it. Are you staying for dinner? I’m assuming one of you picked up food, I could smell it when I walked in.”

“Nope.” Tony shakes his head. “Cap is kicking me out, he’s got dinner completely handled. I was just here to taste test.”

That derails you completely. _Steve cooked? Successfully?_ You tilt your head in confusion and take a good look around your kitchen. Most of the evidence has been cleaned up already but now that you’re paying attention, you hear the quiet hum of the dishwasher and see steam wafting from a stock pot on the stove. 

“You made dinner?” You ask, struggling to keep the smile off your face. “By yourself?”

“I did.” Steve smiles, gesturing to the pots on the stove. “Tony gave me Maria’s recipe, homemade ravioli and meatballs. I had him test it, and he approved.” He turns back, positively smug. “Dinner will be ready when you come back down, Tony was just leaving.”

Tony shrugs as you stare between the two of them. “Told you, he had it handled. So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” He heads over to the training room door. “Good luck?”

Steve turns back to you with a smile. “Are you going to go upstairs and change?” 

“I was going to, but…” You trail off, gesturing vaguely to the stove. “I’m very interested in what’s happening over there.”

Steve shakes his head. “Oh no, darling wife, you go upstairs. I need a few more minutes to complete my masterpiece.” You roll your eyes but head up to change into a dress instead of your training suit.

Once you’ve come back down, Steve’s dimmed the lights in the dining room and lit a few candles. The table is set so elegantly you let out a soft gasp when you see it. Steve stands next to your chair, pulling it out as you walk in. “Hello, darling.” He smiles. “Shall we eat?”

You nod, beyond impressed by the scene he’s set. When you sit, he lifts the cover off your plate and sits himself down. You take a small bite and resist the urge to let out a moan of approval. It’s delicious. “You _really_ did this?” You ask again, after you’ve had a few more bites.

“I did.” He nods. “I wanted to do something special for the love of my life. You work so hard everyday, and then you make sure that everyone in the compound is taken care of before you come home. You deserve the night off. I wanted to take care of you.”

You narrow your eyes as a smile tugs onto your lips. Looks like Steve can play dirty too. As you stare at him, you notice a smudge of flour on his cheek that definitely wasn’t there when you were in the kitchen earlier. It takes everything in you to not climb into his lap and wipe it away. But then, that’s exactly what he wants, isn’t it?

It’s a well planned counter attack but, you’re not going to give in that easily.

***

After dinner, Steve offers to clean up while you head upstairs to unwind. Once you’re in your room, you decide to take a bath. And if Steve happens to come in while you’re relaxing, then that’s just a bonus.

Once you hear his footsteps on the stairs, you call out to him and ask for his help. As he steps into the bedroom, you push yourself up in the tub and lean over the side, making sure that the curves of your breasts are visible from where you sit. When Steve slides open the pocket door, you smile as he abruptly stops. 

“Could you get me a towel?” You ask, shifting slightly when you see his eyes drift downward. “I was going to get out but I seem to have forgotten to grab one.”

Steve nods, his eyes never leaving your body and steps to the cabinet where you keep all the towels. “ _Or_ ,” you begin and his hand stills on the second shelf. He turns around suspiciously, waiting for you to finish your sentence.

“If you joined me, I could be persuaded to stay in the tub a while longer. We know it fits us both, perfectly.” Steve drops the towel and visibly swallows. You raise an eyebrow playfully and meet his eyes. “Would you like to?”

Steve picks up the towel from the floor, his cobalt eyes locked on yours. “Would I… would I like to what?” 

You let out a soft peal of laughter. “Join me, silly. In the bath?” You watch his resolve waver for a moment as he stares at you, eyes darkening with barely contained lust. “We seemed to have a good time in this tub, if I remember last week correctly.”

Steve shakes his head, color creeping up his neck to his cheeks. “Uh.. I, uh, I think I still have some paperwork to do downstairs.” He shifts the towel over his pants. “Let me just get you a towel.”

“But you have one, Stevie. In your hands.” You point out, letting water drip down the side of the tub.

“I need this one.” He squeaks, pressing it closer to his body. His breath comes out erratic as he watches you. “It’s… it’s very important.”

With a smirk, you gracefully rise and step out of the tub, moving purposely toward your frozen husband. “But I like this towel.” You whisper, reaching down for it. Water pools on the ground beneath your feet as you gently tug the cotton from his hands. “You don’t want me to stay all wet do you?”

As you wrap the towel around yourself, Steve shakes his head again, having seemingly forgotten the ability to speak. “That’s what I thought.” You respond, letting your hips sway as you walk toward your closet. 

You can feel Steve’s eyes on your back as you bend down into your lingerie drawer. When you let the towel fall to the floor, you hear his sharp exhalation of breath, followed immediately but an innocuous cough. You smirk to yourself and turn slightly so he can see you slip your negligee over your head. 

“Didn’t you say you had paperwork to finish?” You ask softly, biting your bottom lip as you meet his eyes. “Or would you rather just come to bed?”

Steve’s breath catches in his throat as he closes the distance between you. “Oh darling.” He murmurs, pulling your hair from it’s low twist. “I _want_ to pick you up and lay you on that bed…” 

You run your fingers up his arm, feeling the stirrings of arousal simmer in your stomach. “Then what’s stopping you?” You ask, surprised by how sultry you’re able to drop your voice.

Steve leans in, his lips inches from yours. “I’m not ready to lose.” He pulls away with a grin as you quickly school your surprise back into an indifferent expression. “I’ll be up in a little bit, sweetheart.”

As he walks away, you take a steadying breath and press your thighs together. You’re not sure which of you won this round but you don’t think you’re going to be able to hold out much longer. If Steve had asked, you would have let him take you to bed in a heartbeat.

***

You’re deep in conversation with Tony so you barely notice Steve step into the conference room. Tony does, eyes widening as he stifles back a chuckle. You tilt your head in confusion when Steve clears his throat from behind you.

You whirl around and drag in a quick, sharp breath. Steve stands, hands on his hips, as he smiles at you. You have no idea where he found it, but he’s wearing the dark leather jacket he had on the first time you met him. From the tatters to the utility pockets, you’re absolutely certain it’s the same. 

When he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his jacket moves, revealing the dark blue of his old war bonds uniform top. In that instant, you’re transported back to the base in 1943. You’re Howard Stark’s weapons and research specialist, tripping over your words in front of a devastatingly handsome Captain Rogers.

You shake your head, heart beating wildly as you drink him in. From the heady stare he gives you, Steve knows _exactly_ what the uniform is doing to you. “Hey there, sweetheart.” He greets you after nodding at Tony. 

“I was hoping to have a word with my best girl?” Unable to properly answer him, you nod and take his outstretched hand. 

“Stevie, where did you… how on earth?” You struggle to form a complete sentence as you continue to ogle him. 

He shrugs, giving you an easy smile. “Tony was going through some of Howard’s things in storage. He thought he had found the last of mine but apparently, there is all was. He figured I could find a good reason to bring the old uniform back out.”

At your raised eyebrow, he crosses his arms. “And it looks like he was right.”

“That he was.” You run your fingers along the worn leather as you peer up at him. “I always loved you in this.”

He quirks an eyebrow. “Imagine how much you’d love me, _out of it._ ”

You can feel your pulse start to race as you imagine just that. “ _Steven."_ You breathe softly, shocked by how bold he’s acting, with Tony just feet away.

“What?” Steve grins innocently, leaning down close to you. “I’m happy to peel myself out of it, better yet, let _you_ peel me out of it.” He lowers his voice and speaks right next to your ear. “All you have to do is let me win.”

You pull away from him and fold your arms across your chest. “I can’t do that, Captain Rogers.” You ignore the arousal simmering in your stomach and attempt to steady your breathing. “You know me better than that, I won’t just give in.”

“I do.” Steve agrees. “But you can’t blame me for trying, not when it makes you look at me like _that._ ” He takes a deep breath as he lowers his voice. “If Tony weren’t here right now, I’d back you up against the desk and show you how much I miss my best girl. See if that would make you give in.”

You let out a shaky breath as Steve stands up straight and smiles in Tony’s direction. “Too bad, huh?” He smirks and steps away, leaving you flustered and intensely frustrated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. So much to unpack here. First of all, did you guys really think we we'd seen the last of Schmidt? He may be dead, but his followers are most definitely still alive and out there...
> 
> This bet. These two are going to drive each other (and everyone else) nuts. And they aren't even close to being done. Who knew these two had it in them? We had so much fun thinking of ways for Steve and the reader to try to seduce each other. And the best is yet to come. Want to take bets on who's going to win? :)


	80. Chapter Eighty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! Thank y'all for being awesome and letting us have the week so we could get through the Holiday. We hope the wait was well worth it :)  
> And as I'm sure you've noticed, we're finally ready share where this epic tale is planned to conclude. But don't you worry, there is so much that's going to packed into the next 20 chapters. And before you know it, you'll have the prequel to enjoy :)  
> We love you guys, thank you for being so supportive.

Peter felt awful when he spilled his soda on you. You assured him multiple times that it was alright, accidents happen. You just needed a moment to change. As you walk toward the training room, you start unbuttoning your blouse to keep the stickiness from setting into the lace of your undergarments.

With your eyes focused on your hands, you don’t notice Steve walking in the opposite direction. And he’s too focused on the Stark pad in _his_ hands to notice you. You collide with each other, sending him stumbling backward and you onto the floor.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry!” Steve exclaims, dropping the tablet to crouch and help you to your feet. “I didn’t see you.”

You shake your head, wrapping your fingers around his wrist. “It’s alright, Steve. I didn’t see you either. Peter spilt soda on my shirt and I was trying to rush to get changed before I got sticky.” You shrug up at him. “I probably should’ve been watching where I was going.”

When you tug his arm to pull yourself up, Steve misjudges his balance and falls over on top of you with a surprised _‘oof’_. He tilts his head as he stares down at you, pushing himself up onto his elbows and caging you between his arms. “And I need better balance.”

You can’t help the giggle that slips out of you. “Looks like we’ve gotten ourselves into a bit of a mess, Captain.” When he lowers his head to yours, for a delirious moment, you think you've won. Because from the way Steve is staring at you, you know he’s about to kiss you. 

His lips ghost against yours and with visible effort, Steve pulls away and slides off of you. “You ought to get changed before that stain sets in.” He murmurs, extending his hand. You take it and nod your head, too frazzled to actually speak. 

“I’ll meet you in the common room, darling.” Steve bends to retrieve his Stark pad and once he’s sure you’re set, he takes off down the hall. 

You stare at his back as he turns the corner, swearing softly to yourself. You had been so close. 

“That was painful to watch.” Natasha calls over your shoulder. “You’re never going to win like that; you gotta play dirty because from where I’m standing, Steve isn’t afraid to.”

“What do you mean?” You ask, whirling around to face her.

She pushes herself off the wall. “Let me buy you a dress. We’ll end this by the weekend.” When you raise your eyebrow and tell her you don’t want anything crazy, she folds her arms delicately over her chest and smiles. “Crazy is _exactly_ what needs to happen. You need to trust me if you want to break that man.”

“I don’t want to _break_ him.” You roll your eyes with a smile. “But I do want to win.”

“If you break him, you’ll win.” Natasha insists. “Come on, hun, let me help. Solidarity and all that.” When you squint your eyes and find nothing but kindness in her smile, you shake your head and agree. She jumps up in excitement. “Excellent, I’ll find you in a few hours.”

***

“Oh Nat, I don’t know.” You stare at the black leather wiggle dress she has in her hands with wide, uncertain eyes. You feel color creep onto your cheeks as you touch the material. “This is not something I'd be comfortable wearing.”

She rolls her eyes, pushing the dress into your hands. “Trust me, put this on and wear those heels.” She points on the bed to the black stilettos with red on the bottoms. “None of them will be able to take their eyes off you. Oh! Make sure you flirt with Barnes a little; get Steve jealous.”

You fold the dress over your arm, keeping it a safe distance from your body. “I don’t know if I could do that.”

Natasha perches on the edge of your bed and lets out an exasperated sigh. “You need to be more confident.” She points out in a teasing tone. “You can _definitely_ do this.”

You glance at the dress, the shoes and then Natasha. You have to do this, you really want to win. “Alright,” you concede. “I’m trusting you, Nat. Just a _little_ flirting.” You scrunch your nose playfully. “You think James still likes it when you call him, Sergeant?”

“Oh honey, I know he does.” She crosses a leg over her knee and rests her elbow on it. “Get your fingers in his hair if you can. Boy will melt like butter.”

“Oh, I remember Dottie used to do that to him all the time. She always got what she wanted from him. Honestly, Steve loves it too.” You smirk when you imagine what seeing you flirt with Bucky will do to him. 

With her chin resting on her palm, Natasha tilts her head. “By the end of the night, that boy will be so jealous that he’ll gladly show you whose wife you are.” When you blush, Natasha smiles and raises her eyebrow. “ _Clearly_ something you miss right about now.”

You feel your cheeks grow warm again. “I mean… he’s good at what he does.”

She lets out a genuine laugh at your confession. “ _That’s what I thought._ So target Barnes. Hell, go after Tony and Wilson too. Steve will be all yours.”

“If this works, I will take you shopping and let you buy any damn thing you want.” With a wide grin, she tells you she’ll hold you to that. You let out a soft huff and lift the dress up as she rises from the bed. “I guess I should change and start dinner then, huh?”

“Oh absolutely, and wear your hair down.” She pulls the pin out of your hair, letting your curls fall down your back. "When you’re flirting, tilt your head so Barnes will move it off your shoulder. Makes sure Steve sees it.”

You step out of your oxfords and reach for the black heels. “Alright, alright. Wish me luck in these. I’ll see you downstairs.”

***

You had your reservations about the dress. But once you’ve got yourself into it and into the shoes, you have to admit, you look _amazing_. The material hugs every curve of your body in the best way. But you shouldn’t be surprised, Natasha’s literally nailed the art of seduction.

As you admire yourself in the mirror of your old closet, you know if you play tonight the right way, you’ll win this damn bet once and for all. This dress is going to drive Steve crazy. You fully expect him to be the one helping you out of it later.

You walk down the hall carefully, getting yourself used to the height of the heels before you walk into the common room. As you step into the elevator, you take a few deep breaths to steady yourself and stand up straight as the floor dings. 

From the laughter you hear in the common room, Steve isn’t there yet. Just Tony and Sam. You walk into the room swiftly, murmuring a soft “hi boys” as you pass by the table.

Tony glances up, opening his mouth to greet you but instead, chokes on his drink. Sam’s eyes go wide as he almost falls out of his chair. “Holy shit.” He manages, gripping the edge of the table.

You walk into the kitchen with a smile growing on your face. “You saw her, right?” Sam asks, his voice full of disbelief. “Like, I wasn’t dreaming?”

You hear Tony sigh as you open the freezer. “No, Sam. You weren’t dreaming. _I_ might have been though.”

“This bet they got going on is gonna kill me.” Sam groans. “I don’t know how Cap is holding out, man. She can’t just walk around in something _that_ tight. It’s not fair; it’s cruel and unusual torture.”

As you grab what you’ll need to get dinner started, you listen carefully when Tony drops his voice a bit. “ _You’re telling me._ I may be married but _shit,_ the views around here are something else lately.”

Sam laughs and you hear the sound of one of their chairs moving. “Like, I knew she had an ass but _Goddamn_ that dress does things for her. It’s gotta be Nat’s, right?”

“Nope,” Tony disagrees, his response full of sarcasm. “If I know Natasha, and I do, she got Ace that dress. This bet is over _tonight."_

You get the oven preheated, a satisfied smirk on your face. If their indication is anything, when Steve sees you, he won’t be able to resist. Which is a relief because Natasha was correct, you’re desperately missing being able to touch your husband.

“I dunno how he’s gonna resist her in that.” Sam laughs. “Seriously, how has he not caved? You would’ve if it was Pepper.”

Tony makes a snorting sound. “Goddamn, if it was Pepper? I’d be worshipping at her feet by now.”

Sam fires back with a comment about Tony already doing just that, and you try not to giggle at their conversation. This is exactly the reaction you were hoping for. 

When Tony responds with “How are you gonna insult me in my own compound like that, Wilson?”, you set down your towel, grab a stack of dishes, and push open the door.

“You boys _do_ know that I can hear you, right?” They both freeze when they see you, taking care to meet your eyes and not let their gaze roam anywhere else.

“And you do know that we can _see_ you, right?” Tony raises his eyebrows suspiciously. “I don’t know if you know this, but I got a weak ticker. You gotta be gentle with me.”

You set the plates down and fold your arms under your chest. “Well, _Mr_. _Stark._ Might I remind you that this bet is all your fault? If you had kept your mouth shut about us being affectionate, I wouldn’t be in this dress.”

“ _Me?_ ” His eyes move for just a second, following the movement of your arms, before he settles back onto your face. “First of all, calling me Mr. Stark, _like that_ , while wearing _that dress_ is just cruel, Ace. And Second, how did my everyday smart ass attitude result in _this_?”

“Because you made the comment that I couldn’t keep my hands off my husband and when I told you I most certainly could, you started this bet.” You narrow your eyes. “Ergo, this whole mess is your fault.”

Tony shakes his head, holding up his palms in surrender. “I plead the fifth. How the hell was I supposed to know that you’d both go for it?”

You lean against the back of a chair and stare down at both of them. “Because you’ve known Steve and I long enough. We’re both incredibly stubborn and will do whatever it takes to prove we’re right.”

“Yeah, but it’s been over a week.” Sam cuts in, letting out a frustrated groan. “You're not just driving him crazy, you’re _killing_ us.” 

“And you only have yourselves to blame.” Pushing yourself back up, you give them an innocent smile. “Now, are you gentlemen going to help me set this table or am I going to have to do it myself?”

Sam shrinks down into his seat. “Yeah… I’m not standing yet. Sorry.”

The tips of Tony’s ears turn scarlet as he stares down at the tabletop. “Sorry Ace, I think you’re gonna have to give us a minute.”

You roll your eyes and lean over the table to start setting it. As you reach over to move a cup, you hear Bucky and Steve’s muted conversation from the elevator. With a smile, you rise and turn around. 

When they walk into the room, neither of them see you. Steve’s head is bowed as he reads Bucky a section of the report in his hands. Bucky’s eyes follow along and as he lifts his head to make a comment, he freezes in his spot when he sees you. 

“Harvard, you are looking, uh...” You watch Bucky stumble over his words with a smirk. “You look amazing.”

“Thank you, Sergeant.” At that, Steve glances up from his folder, eyes wide as he sees you. “I thought I’d try something a little different today.”

“Different is,” Bucky clears his throat. “Different is good. It’s good.”

Steve remains silent, mouth hanging open in shock. You rest your hands on your hips and make sure they sway as you cross the distance to him. “You’re drooling, Captain.” You take the folder from him and raise your eyebrow playfully. “Now finish up what you’re doing, please. No work at the dinner table.”

You turn to Bucky, and gently rest your hand on his flesh arm. “Sergeant, would you help me with something, please?” Bucky blinks, shaking his head slightly before turning to stare at Steve. You withdraw your hand and fold your arms across your chest. “Do you need to ask the Captain’s permission?”

“Uh… no ma’am…” He stares like a deer in headlights. “Maybe? This is a trap, I feel like this is a trap.”

You roll your eyes with a grin. “You’re fine. Just come with me, please.” You unfold your arms and slide one of yours under his metal one, leading him towards the kitchen. You don’t turn, but can hear Steve’s footfalls with you as you walk. 

“You two just let that happen, you could’ve warned us.” Steve hisses as he passes Tony and Sam at the table. You stifle a giggle as you smile up at Bucky’s bewildered face. 

Tony lets out a low whistle. “Sorry Cap, she already got us. It’s Barnes’ turn now.”

You take care to keep your arm on Bucky’s as you lead him to the kitchen cabinets. “Sergeant, would you be a dear and get me that stock pot?” You point up above the refrigerator. “I’m afraid even in these heels, I can’t quite reach it.”

You make a show of reaching up for it, purposely twisting so the hem of your dress will rise and allow the lines of your garters to peek out. When you settle back down, you slowly adjust your skirt, running your fingers over your upper thighs to smooth out the leather. Neither man can tear their eyes away from you.

“So, would you mind?” You ask, lifting your eyes to meet Bucky’s. He shakes his head, clearing away the haze that staring at your figure has caused. 

He steps away from Steve and attempts to reach the cabinet. Unless you shift to the left, he won’t be able to reach it without touching you. Bucky rests his hand on your waist absently and you tilt your head up at him. “I’m sorry Sergeant, did you need me to move?”

His hand presses against the fabric of your dress as you watch his cheeks turn bright red. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn't move his hand either. Steve crosses his arms and lets out a low growl. 

“ _Buck_.” The tone in Steve’s voice is a clear warning and he knows you know it, too. If Bucky catches on, he doesn’t show it as he continues to play right into your hands. Honestly, you’re a little surprised by yourself and how far you’re willing to go to win this bet. 

In a bold move that shocks all three of you, you reach up and run your fingers through Bucky’s hair. “You know, Sergeant.” you comment softly, smiling as he involuntarily relaxes into your touch. “I’ve never noticed that you have a tiny bit of grey in your eyes. It really is striking.” 

You move your hand to cup his cheek and smirk at Steve when Bucky briefly closes his eyes. You watch Steve’s jaw clench as you pull away and fold your arms under your chest. Bucky takes a deep breath, opening his eyes and remembering himself. 

He turns to Steve sheepishly before reaching up to grab the pot and setting it on the counter. “Do uh, do you need anything else, Ha… Harvard?” 

“No, Sergeant.” You smile innocently. “I think you’ve been more than helpful.” Bucky’s cheeks flush a deeper shade of scarlet as he nods and backs out of the room. Steve shakes his head as he watches you turn and continue cooking.

“You’re playing with fire, you know.” Steve comments, his voice deep with lust. “That isn’t very nice.”

You turn on your heel and head to the refrigerator. “Darling, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

***

You spent the rest of the night flirting between Tony, Sam and Bucky. Every time you called Tony, ‘Mr. Stark’ he flushed crimson and immediately looked to Steve for help. Steve just shrugged apologetically and trained his eyes on you. 

Immediately after dinner, Bucky made up some reason to excuse himself and left the room, muttering about how you were ‘worse than Dottie’ when you put your mind to it. Sam excused himself just as quickly, tugging at his shirt as he went.

With a satisfied smirk, you gathered up the dishes and started loading up the dishwasher. You could hear Steve and Tony’s hushed conversation from the kitchen but couldn’t make out what they were saying. 

As you’re packing away the leftovers, you feel Steve press up against you from behind. His warm chest, firm against your back is enough to make you want to melt. “I know what you’re doing, sweetheart.” He whispers in your ear. “I’m not going to cave.”

You close your eyes and steel your nerves. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You say as innocently as you can manage. You turn yourself around and brace yourself against the marble edge of the counter. “The only thing I’m doing is putting away the leftovers.”

Steve leans down, caging you between his outstretched arms. “ _Right_. That tight dress is flattering _every_ curve on your body. You have no idea what that’s doing to me. And flirting with the guys to make me jealous?” 

When he narrows his eyes, they flash with lust. “You _know_ what that’s doing to me. I want to take you home and end this bet right now. But I won’t. I’m going to win.”

You suck in a quick breath to steady your thundering heartbeat. “Flirting? Darling, I would never. I thought we were beyond these accusations after that mess with the reporter.” You reign in your desire and smirk up at him. “As for the dress, I’m glad you enjoy it. Natasha picked it out for me as a belated birthday present.”

Steve leans back with a raised brow. “That _mess_ with the reporter? Oh no, you were flirting with him. I’m never letting that go.” He stares down, letting his eyes move over your body before he settles back on your face. “And I love this dress. It uh, it just took me by surprise.” 

“I was not flirting with him, Captain.” You roll your eyes and duck under his arm to continue putting away the food. “Just like I wasn’t flirting with our teammates.” You let out a soft laugh as you open the freezer. “And it was fairly obvious that you liked the dress, you spent most of the night speechless and staring at me.” 

“Can you blame me?” He laughs, leaning against the island with crossed arms. “It’s taking every ounce of my self control to not end this bet, _right now,_ on the kitchen counter.”

As you bend down to place the containers in the lower part of the refrigerator, Steve makes an uncomfortable noise in the back of his throat. You giggle softly and slowly push yourself back into the standing position. “Well Captain, unless you plan on doing just that and admitting that I’ve won, I suggest you let me finish up here.”

Steve stares at you for a long moment before pushing himself off the island and walking toward you. He leans down and gently kisses your cheek. “I’ll see you at the house then, darling.”

***

“If you don’t figure out a way to win this bet, we aren’t allowing either of you back into the compound.” Tony rests his palms flat on Steve’s desk and gives him a hard stare. “Cause Ace is pulling out all the stops and it’s been almost two weeks. How have you not given in?”

Steve leans away from his desk to stare up at him. “You do know how stubborn we are, right?” He runs a hand through his hair before letting out a huff of frustration. “But if I’m being honest, I’m hitting my wall. I miss my wife, Tony.”

“Great. Then let's end this,” Tony smirks. “ _Tonight_.”

Steve tilts his head, an excited look crossing his over his face. “I’m listening.”

“Just leave all the details to me, I’ll have a suit dropped off in an hour or so.” Tony promises, pulling out his phone. “Ace will be eating outta the palm of your hand by the end of the night. I’ll make sure she’s ready. All you gotta do is be outside by seven. The Mark VI’ll be waiting.”

“You’re pulling out the Bentley for me?” Steve asks incredulously. “Tony, that’s -”

“It’s your wife’s favorite car.” Tony smirks, without looking up from his phone. “I told you, this bet is over tonight. I know what I’m doing. Honestly, I should’ve gotten involved days ago.”

Steve lets out a dry laugh but doesn’t argue. When his phone lights up, Tony waves at it and quickly shows himself out. 

He takes the call but finds he’s only half listening. All Steve can concentrate on is tonight and how fantastic it will feel when you’re in his arms again. 

***

You hang up the phone with the Board Director at Harvard University and smile to yourself. If everything works out the way you’d like it to, you’ll be a guest speaker for the Biotechnology Department once a semester.

While you aren’t the foremost expert in the field, you and Howard had been working diligently to recreate the super soldier serum back in the 1940’s. You’d never told Steve, but now with Schmidt dead and Fury’s promise that any followers still out there would be dealt with, you want to be able to take your knowledge and put it to good use. 

Tonight, you’ll talk to Steve. If he’s truly against it, you won’t take the job but you hope he’ll understand. You want to be able to use what you know and translate it to a relevant field in today’s world. You can only go on missions for so long, you want to have something else fulfilling in your life. Especially if you won’t be having children. 

You pull yourself out of your thoughts when you hear the knock at your door. Tony pokes his head in with a smile. “You’re closing up shop early tonight, Ace.” He smirks. “There’s a dress waiting on your bed, you should go home and freshen up. The Captain’s taking you out tonight.”

“Anthony, I’m in the middle of -”

Tony shakes his head with a smile. “Nope. I got you covered. Finish up what you’re doing and head home. Have fun!” Before you can protest further, he’s gone and you’re completely confused. 

You finish up your reports and close your computer off for the day, wondering what Steve and Tony have planned. 

When you step into your room, there’s a garment bag waiting on your bed, just as Tony promised. You reach down and unzip the bag, a wide smile finding its way onto your lips as you gently pull out the fabric. It’s a deep burgundy dress, with an off the shoulder neckline. It’s not as tight as the black dress you wore a few days ago, but it will still flatter every curve on your body just the same. 

You pick up the card that’s fluttered onto the bed and smile when you read it. _‘Until tonight, my darling._ ’

Steve is such a romantic, it’s just one of the many reasons you love him as much as you do. Pressing the dress to your chest, you whirl around and look at yourself in the mirror. 

You miss him desperately. How much this sweet gesture affects you, makes you realize that you need to end this bet. You wanted to win, but now? Now, you just miss kissing your husband every day. If tonight is designed to woo you into letting Steve win, you intend to do just that. 

***

“Sweetheart, you look incredible.” Steve holds out his hands to you as you walk outside from the lobby of the compound. He looks as handsome as ever, wearing a suit of deep navy blue. His soft blond hair is styled back and his eyes sparkle when he sees you. 

You take his hands and smile up at him. “Thank you, Captain. You look incredibly handsome.”

Steve shrugs innocently. “Oh, this old thing?” He laughs softly. “Yeah, I suppose I clean up nice.” He gestures to the car behind him and you can’t help but beam at him. “Tony gave us the Mark VI, he may have told me that it’s your favorite.”

When he opens the door for you, you slide in, barely able to control your excitement. “Where are we going?” You ask, as he walks around to the driver’s side.

“Out to dinner,” he comments, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “Then we'll see where the night takes us.” You nod in response as he starts the engine and pulls away from the building. 

You drive for about thirty minutes, and watch the tree lined roads give way to a slightly more suburban neighborhood. Steve pulls up to a restaurant that you’ve never been to before and stops in front of the entrance. He leaves the engine on, but puts the car in park and walks around to help you out.

“It doesn’t seem to be open, Stevie.” You raise your eyebrow at the lack of cars in the lot. 

“It is,” Steve assures you, as a valet moves the car to the side. “It’s open just for us tonight.” He opens the door for you and you let out a small gasp when you see the interior. Soft lantern lighting hangs from the ceiling as a waiter stands next to the single table in the center of the room. 

“ _Oh_ ,” You breathe out softly, glancing around. “It’s beautiful.”

The waiter walks up and holds out his arm for you to take. “ _Mademoiselle_?” You step away from Steve and let yourself be led to the table. Once seated, the waiter smiles at Steve and with a deep bow, he steps away.

“How did you arrange all of this?” You ask, eyes wide as a new waiter walks over with a wine list.

“I had a little help.” Steve admits, taking the list in his hand. “I wanted to make tonight special for my best girl.” His eyes scan the options before pointing to something at the top. “ _Nous aurons deux verres du Châteauneuf-du-Pape_.” (1)

The man nods in Steve’s direction. “ _Merveilleux choix, Capitaine._ ” (2)

You can’t hold back the surprise on your face. You had no idea that Steve could speak French, let alone so well. When you tell him that, he smiles and covers your hand with his on the tabletop. “I’m full of surprises, darling.”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been more attracted to you.” You admit, feeling your cheeks grow warm. You’re not sure if it’s the feeling of his thumb tracing circles over the back of your hand or the effortless way he was speaking your favorite language, but you’ve never been more prepared to let him win. 

When the waiter returns with drinks, Steve orders dinner for the both of you, continuing to speak his flawless French. You take a sip of your drink, your eyes never leaving his face. 

After dinner, you reach for Steve’s hand and he gives you a soft, lazy smile. “I have some exciting news, darling.” You stare at the candle on the table before peering up at him. “But I wanted to run it by you first before I accepted.”

“What is it, sweetheart?” He asks, squeezing your hand.

“I’ve been in contact with the Board of Directors, at Harvard University? I’ve been consulting for them for some time, based on my work back during the war. I’ve been asked to speak to students once a semester, as a guest expert. But…”

When you trail off, Steve tilts his head. “But what darling? That sounds incredible.”

“I’ve been consulting about biotechnology, Steve.” He furrows his brow, not following you. You take a deep breath and meet his eyes. 

“When I worked with Howard, most of what I did was weapons development and chemistry. But we had various side projects; one of them was biotech. Howard gave me a sample and asked me to isolate and recreate the anomalies found in it.”

“My blood.” 

You nod, trying to gauge his reaction. “Yes, but I swear I didn’t know it was yours. And when I found out, it was after you had gone into the ice. I… I destroyed it and my notes. Without those, Howard couldn’t do anything. I was furious with him for not telling me.”

You glance away for a moment. “But now, with all the advances in medical technology, I wanted to be able to take what I remember and help people. If, it’s alright with you.”

When Steve smiles, you’re flooded with relief. “Of course it’s alright with me. I knew some scientist had a sample of my blood. It was always the SSR’s intention to build an army. With Erskine dead, the only hope for replication was to work backwards. As far as I knew, no one could even come close. If I had known it was you, I would have given you whatever you needed.”

He lifts your hand and kisses the back of it. “Take what you know and share it with Harvard. You’re absolutely right, the medical world can benefit from what we did back then. And with Schmidt dead and his followers all but eradicated, it’s time this information was put into the right hands.”

You feel your chest swell with pride. Steve is such a good man; you’re so lucky to have him. “I love you so much, Stevie.” 

“I love you too, darling.”

***

“Could you get this zipper for me?” You ask, as Steve shrugs his tie over his head. He nods and steps over to you.

His fingers gently brush your hair onto your shoulder as he leans in to press a kiss under your ear. “I am so proud of you, darling.”

You tilt your head up to stare at him. "What?”

Steve chuckles and whirls your around. His hand gently cups your cheek as he elaborates. “I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. You are the most brilliant person I’ve ever met, the only one I know who could walk circles around Howard Stark _and_ his son. The work you did during the war helped us win it, I’m certain of that.”

He gently runs his thumb over your skin. “And even now, you’ve been such a crucial member of the team. We wouldn’t have gotten as far as we have, without you. Harvard is lucky to have you. How _I_ got so lucky, I’ll never know. Because you chose _me_ , and my life would be empty if you weren’t by my side.” 

“Oh, Steve.” In that moment, you don’t care about the bet, all you care about is the incredible man in front of you. Steve says he’s the lucky one, but you can’t imagine what _your_ life would be if you didn’t have him. You love this man, more than you ever thought possible. 

Standing on your tiptoes, you press your lips to his. If he’s surprised, he doesn’t show it. He just wraps his hands around your waist and tugs you flush against him. When he pours all his desire, all his yearning to touch you into his kiss, you respond in kind. 

By the time you both pull away, you’re panting and out of breath. You can decide who won the bet in the morning. Right now, you just want Steve to carry you to bed and show you that you’re his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh... don't you worry, you will absolutely get fantastic bet-ending sex. We're just gonna make you wait for it, cause we're a little evil like that ;)
> 
> 1\. We will have two glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape.  
> 2\. Wonderful choice, Captain.


	81. Chapter Eighty-One

You wake first, your slumber interrupted by Steve’s soft snoring. You gently run your fingers through his hair, pushing the silky golden strands away from his face.

You’re relieved that the bet is finally done, it tested every bit of your restraint. Neither of you know how you lasted as long as you did. But it was well worth the wait. 

As you watch him sleep, your thoughts drift to last night. Steve was… you hesitate to think of the word possessive, but the way he claimed you and made a point to prove to you whose wife you were, was nothing short of just that. 

Your cheeks heat up as you bite at the edge of your thumb. Men acting possessively towards you had always made you nervous, but the way Steve acted last night turned you on more than you could’ve thought possible. 

Leaning your head back against the pillows, you close your eyes and replay the night in your head.

_Once he’d unbuttoned his shirt, you slid the fabric, warm from the heat of his flushed skin, off his arms and tossed it aside on the bed. His cerulean eyes followed the shirt before settling back on your face. The hunger you found there was raw and consuming; you felt heat pooling between your legs as he stalked toward you._

_“I want you out of this dress." Steve commanded softly, resting his hands on your shoulders to turn you around. “I’ve waited two weeks to be able to do this to_ my _wife. I don’t want to wait another second.”_

_“Yes, Captain.” You murmured, leaning your head back as his hands moved your hair to one side._

_Steve’s fingers slid the dress down off your arms, letting the fabric pool onto the floor. You gasped, breath stuttering in your throat, when his lips had found your neck, pressing urgent kisses to your exposed skin. As his hands carefully unclasped your bra to allow it to join your dress, his lips moved down to the tender spot when your neck and shoulder met._

_When your breath hitched in response, Steve chuckled and wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you closer to him. You could feel his erection pressing against your lower back as let yourself be moved where he wanted you. His lips moved back to your neck as his hands cupped your breasts from behind._

_His fingers pinched and twisted your nipples until they were hard little buds under his ministrations. You shivered from the touch, arching your back as bright sparks of electricity shot down to your core._

_“God, I’ve missed this.” Steve whispered low, between kisses. “Missed_ you _. I’ve missed touching you, kissing you, feeling how your skin heats up when I run my fingers along it.” He nips your neck with his teeth. “I’ve missed watching the way your eyes light up when I make you come undone."_

_You had let out a soft moan, your brain fuzzy with arousal, and leaned your head further back so it rested against his chest. “I missed you too. More than I could imagine.” You promised, covering his hands with your own. “We’re never taking a bet from the team again, right?”_

_Steve’s laugh rumbled in his chest. “No, we’re not.” His hands moved to your garter belt and unhooked the stays before sliding it down past your hips._

_Lowering himself down onto his knees, he ran his nose along the skin of your inner thigh, making a shiver run through your body. He hooked his fingers into the lace of your panties pulling them off to join your dress on the floor._

_When his hands ran over the curves of your ass, you had let out a soft gasp. “Turn around, darling.” Steve instructed, his voice rough with desire. “Let me see you.” He stood and hummed appreciatively at the sight of you clad in only stockings and heels._

_He stepped closer to you, resting one of his hands on your hip. You felt the heat and pressure from Steve’s fingertips on your hip bone as his other hand cupped your cheek. You smiled up at him, seeing nothing but lust and adoration in the beautiful cerulean of his eyes._

_Steve dipped his head low, his lips capturing yours in a searing, passionate kiss. Your lips yielded instantly, your body following soon after when you felt his hands glide up your back. Your hands wrapped around the back of his neck, allowing him to deepen the kiss when your chest pressed against him. Your fingers slid up into his hair, tugging gently at the base of his hairline._

_He groaned into your mouth and when he shifted his weight, you felt the strong evidence of his arousal pressing against your lower stomach. His tongue slipped into your mouth, letting his need to make up for lost time dictate the way he moved._

_You pulled away after a moment, letting yourself fall to your knees in front of him. As Steve watched you with lust heavy eyes, you moved your fingers to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. He made a soft groan of arousal as you tugged him out and over the waistband of his boxer briefs._

_His impressive cock felt warm and heavy in your hand, making your mouth water at the sight of him. As you leaned forward to run your tongue along his length, Steve’s hands gently threaded through your hair. “Oh god, sweetheart.” He murmured, struggling to keep his hips still._

_As you pushed your lips around the head of his cock, you smirked when he swore softly above you. You ran your tongue up and around his length, letting one of your hands twist the base. You steadied yourself with your free hand resting against his upper thigh as you took more of him into your mouth._

_“After the way you’ve been teasing me, do you think it’s wise,” Steve’s voice came out in a strangled moan as you pulled back with an audible pop, “to keep doing it?”_

_Wiping the corner of your mouth with your finger, you twisted your other hand around his base and grinned up at him. “At ease, Captain.” You whispered, flexing your fingers against his thigh. “You know what you’ve been doing to me, so I’m enjoying this.” With smug satisfaction, you watched him close his eyes and groan at the heat in your words._

_A small thrill had run through you from the knowledge that you were the only person who could make Steve come apart like this. As you leaned forward and flicked your tongue along the tip of his cock, his fingers tightened in your hair. He audibly gasped when you engulfed him again, resting your tongue flat underneath his impressive length._

_You had let your head bob up and down, emboldened by the indecent noises coming from Steve’s mouth. Between the motions of your hand and your tongue, you had known he wouldn’t last much longer._

_For a brief moment, you had entertained the idea of pulling back again and tormenting him, making him wait to find his release. But then, you knew he’d return the favor. And there was nothing you wanted more than to feel Steve inside you._

_When his fingers had tightened in your hair again, you knew he was about to cum. As he growled out your name, you felt him pulse in your mouth. You swallowed everything he gave you before leaning back on your heels and smiling up at him._

_Steve’s hands moved to help you stand and once you were back on your feet again, he leaned down to press his lips to yours. Your hands had snaked around his back, fingers digging into his flushed skin._

_When his hands moved down to cup your ass, Steve lifted you effortlessly off the ground. Your hands tightened by instinct, even though you knew he'd never let you fall. “Wrap your legs around me, sweetheart.” He bade you, breaking the kiss to smirk at you with glittering eyes. “That’s an order.”_

_“Yes, Captain.” You readily did as he asked, before leaning back in to kiss his already swollen lips. You pressed yourself as close to him as you were able, your need for him taking over your every thought. As his mouth moved against yours, the hair of his beard scratched against your cheek and made you tremble with need._

_With a gasp you pulled back, moving one of your hands to gently run your fingers over Steve’s lips. “Steve, I need you_ now _." You moaned softly. Steve grinned and quickly walked with you. When your back hit the wall with a gentle thud, you leaned against it for a moment to catch your breath._

 _Steve kept eye contact with you as he guided his cock to your entrance. “Are you giving_ me _orders now, darling?” His voice had gotten impossibly lower, gliding over you with enough desire to send goosebumps rippling across your skin. “You think that’s going to get you what you want?”_

 _He let out a low groan as his cock slid through your folds, your mounting desperation causing a whimper to fall from your lips. His desire for you was evenly matched when he felt how wet you were for him. You knew then that he’d give you_ exactly _what you wanted. Steve wanted you just as much._

_Two weeks of sexual tension, flirting and trying desperately to arouse the other enough to make them cave crashed like a tidal wave when Steve effortlessly slid inside of you. The feeling made you both moan, especially when he shifted his weight and buried himself to the hilt._

_He stayed completely still for a moment, reveling in the feeling of being inside you. When you whimpered, begging him to move, he obliged and tortuously began to move. You leaned your head forward to rest it against his as his hips snapped back and forth at a steady pace. You rolled your hips to meet his, hissing each time his cock moved and grazed against your g-spot._

_His lips moved to kiss your jaw and when your head fell back, Steve dropped his head to pay attention to the curves of your breasts. His hips continued to move at a steady pace, letting small gasps fall from your mouth each time his teeth grazed your nipple. The sheer size of him covered you completely, keeping you trapped between the firmness of his body and the wall._

_One of his hands moved from your ass to the sensitive spot between your legs. His fingers began to expertly rub steady, small circles on your clit. You had let out a whimper as your nerves lit up under his expertly moving hands. Steve brought you closer and closer to the edge, electricity building in your body as he continued to move his hips._

_He felt you tighten around him and knew you wouldn’t last much longer. Steve brought his lips back to yours and kissed you as he snapped his hips forward again, desperately seeking his own release._

_Steve’s fingers quickened their pace as he thrust himself into you one more time. As his orgasm crashed through him, his hand pushed you into yours. You felt yourself completely unravel with his touch, as you leaned your head back and moaned out his name breathlessly._

_Your legs felt wobbly as he carefully lowered you to the floor, instructing you to wrap your arms around his neck for support. You kissed him again, grateful that the bet was finally over and you had your husband back._

_“Round two, Captain?” You asked in a breathy whisper._

_Steve smirked, pulling you flush against him. “Sweetheart, for you? I can do this all night.”_

You push yourself up in the bed, wrapping your arms around your knees with a smile. The two of you barely got any sleep, yet you don’t feel tired or groggy. You feel sated and a little sore. But above all else, you feel happy. 

Steve shifts next to you, making you turn your head and watch as he slowly opens his eyes. “Morning, my love.” You greet him, letting yourself fall back onto the pillows. “How did you sleep?” 

“After what we did?” Steve laughs, his voice rough, making it deeper than usual. “Sweetheart, I slept like a rock.”

You giggle and lean over to kiss him. “Good.” You smile against his mouth. “It was long overdue.” You rise up on your elbows and smirk at him. “Do we have to leave this bed today?”

“No, we do not.” Steve laughs, one arm snaking under your side and pulling you close to him. “I told you, I play to win. And now that I’ve won, I’m going to spend all day making up for the last two weeks.”

“You know,” you let out a soft laugh. “Technically, you cheated so your _big win_ is invalid.”

He presses a kiss to your nose and purposely lowers his voice. “If it’s invalid, then we have to start over. Do you think you could go another two weeks?”

In response, you put your leg over him and push your hips forward. He lays flat and rests his hands on your hips as you move. You’re able to easily straddle Steve’s lower stomach. “Oh Captain, I’m sure I could, now that I know all your tricks.” You rest your hands on his chest. “But could _you_ go another two weeks?”

“Of course I can.” He replies, but there’s no conviction in his voice. When you lean forward to kiss him again, you feel his cock twitch with interest. You smirk, knowing that you are _definitely_ not going to leave this bed today. Not if you have anything to say about it. 

You purposely stretch, letting Steve’s shirt rise when your arms do. You’ve only got two of the buttons done, leaving very little to the imagination. You watch the visible struggle on his face to not be affected when you wiggle your hips against his body.

As your hands cup his face, Steve gently moves and threads his into your hair. “ _Fine,_ ” he murmurs in defeat. “I wouldn’t last another day.”

You revel in your own type of victory. Before you can deepen the kiss and go for round four, F.R.I.D.A.Y. interrupts you. “Captain? Mrs. Rogers?” Her calm voice cuts through your haze of desire. “Mr. Stark requests to speak with you, immediately.”

“We’ll be right over.” Steve groans, closing his eyes in frustration. “Tell him to give us twenty minutes.”

The AI’s tone doesn’t change but you swear there’s humor in her voice when she pushes back. “I’m sorry, Captain. Mr. Stark is downstairs.”

You sit up, already annoyed. “ _What_?”

Sliding off of Steve, you crawl over to the side of the bed so he can sit up. “I’ll be down in a minute.” He sighs, leaning over the edge to retrieve his boxers. He glances at you with a soft smile. “I’ll be right back.”

“Oh no,” you argue, standing from the bed. “I’m going with you. Tony won’t be staying.” You grab your panties from the pile they've been in since last night and tug them up your hips. 

“You’re going downstairs, like that?” Steve asks, raising a brow.

You fold your arms under your chest. “Yes. It’s just Tony and he needs to be informed that this will be a quick trip.”

Steve shakes his head, but doesn’t argue as the both of you step into the hallway and walk toward the stairs. You’re on the third step from the bottom when you hear more than just Tony’s muffled voice in your living room. 

Before you can turn around and grab yourself more clothing, Bucky comes around the corner with Sam and Tony right behind him. All three are clad in suits, not unusual for Tony but seeing Bucky and Sam like that makes you realize that whatever reason they’re here, must be important. 

Steve stands his ground, one step below you, with his arms folded across his bare chest. Tony raises an eyebrow as he stares at the two of you, a slow smirk forming on his lips. “Well, based on the various states of undress we’ve found the Captain and Mrs. Rogers in,” he laughs. “We clearly interrupted something. So, who won?”

Steve’s mouth twists into a smug smirk when he tells them he did. You can’t help but roll your eyes and playfully shove his arm in response. “He cheated. So I told him we should have a rematch.”

Sam covers his face with his hands. “Okay, but could you not? I don’t think the rest of us can handle you in those tight dresses and my god, the flirting? It’ll literally kill us.” He gestures up at you quickly. “I mean, you look damn good in Cap’s shirt. It’s a problem.”

“Yes, she does.” Steve deadpans, stepping down next to you. “And she looks even better when my shirt is on the floor and she’s in my bed. I’d like to get back to that.”

Tony snorts in surprise but recovers quickly, sliding his glasses down his face. “And trust me, I respect that but you’re gonna have to wait a bit to take her back upstairs.”

“We figured.” You lean an arm on the wooden banister and gesture for him to continue. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. told us you were here Tony, but we weren’t expecting a group.”

Tony sighs and gives you an almost apologetic look before focusing back on Steve. “There’s a strategy meeting with the Secretary of Defense. It’s in two hours Cap, did you forget?”

Steve shifts his weight, glancing at you quickly. “I didn’t forget.” He assures Tony. “I figured you were more than capable of handling it.”

Tony scrunches his face indignantly. “I am capable. But we’re co-Captains. _Co._ So we both need to be there.”

When you protest on Steve’s behalf, Tony crosses his arms as he shrugs at you. “Ace, the secretary is expecting both Ironman and Captain America. We can’t exactly show up missing one of us.”

“I assure you, you can.” You huff out, stepping down the stairs. Once you reach the bottom step, you close the distance between you and Tony. “Just tell the secretary that I’m not feeling well. Steve stayed behind to take care of me.”

Steve laughs as he follows you. “She's right, Tony. _Very_ sick. Shouldn’t even be out of bed. Captain’s orders.”

Tony laughs, knowing that he’s fighting a losing battle. “You two can’t really be serious. I mean, I know you’re making up for eight decades of lost time but this is a little much. Don’t you think? Pepper and I weren’t even like this.” 

Steve sighs and you watch his spine straighten up. You can’t help the look of disappointment that crosses your face. You know he’s shifting from Steve to Captain America; you’ve seen it countless times on missions. 

When he speaks, his voice is sharp, more commanding. “Tony, if I’m required to be there, I will be. I understand it’s my duty to be present at all meetings regarding the Avengers. Just let me -”

Something in Tony’s demeanor shifts as his eyes meet yours. He lets out a heavy sigh and motions to Bucky and Sam. “No. No, it’s fine. Barnes, Wilson and I can handle it.” He smirks directly at you. “But you owe me, big time.”

You roll your eyes playfully. “I’ve saved your life a few times. So if anything, Anthony, you owe me forever.”

Bucky smirks from where he’s been leaning and watching the conversation unfold. “We’ve all saved each other multiple times. It’s what friends do, Harvard.”

“Exactly!” Tony throws his hands in the air. “Barnes gets it, obviously he’s got -”

Glancing at the clock above one of your tables, you delicately fold your arms under your chest and cut him off. “Tony, can I make you coffee or something to eat for your trip? Your father used to always like having a caffeine boost for long drives. And you _are_ taking after him more and more as you get older.”

Tony snaps his mouth shut before muttering “ouch” under his breath. 

Bucky shakes his head, before giving you a wide exuberant grin. “Look at you, Harvard.” He remarks with pride in his voice. “It’s been how long and you’re still putting the Starks in their place?”

You shrug as you make your way to the kitchen with a still shocked Tony in tow. “It’s a gift, James.” 

“She’s been finely crafting the skill since the forties.” Steve laughs from behind you. “Especially after that incident in the lab at the base.”

“Oh _right_ ,” Bucky nods, leaning against the kitchen island. “Steve, isn’t that the time you gave Stark a black eye?”

Tony whirls around, eyes wide with excitement and curiosity. “Cap, you punched my old man? Why? When? I need _all_ the details.”

You set to work making coffee as Steve leans against the island next to Bucky. Sam and Tony slide onto stools near the counter and wait for Steve to elaborate. 

“I didn’t start my day thinking I was going to punch Howard,” Steve shrugs, glancing at you for a second. “I had literally just stepped back onto base and the first thing I wanted to do was see my girl. Imagine my surprise when I find her hunched over Howard’s desk, green as the Hulk and sick as a dog.”

“What the hell happened?” Tony asks, eyes darting between the two of you.

You sigh as you fill the French press and turn around with your arms crossed. “Howard was the Army’s number one weapons contractor. That meant he developed and built what the SSR needed to win the war.” 

With a raised eyebrow, you meet Tony’s eyes. “That didn’t always mean guns and missiles. He wanted to try his hand at something a bit more, airborne.”

Tony tilts his head in confusion. “My old man never got into chemical warfare.”

“Because as brilliant as he was, Howard couldn’t master it.” You shake your head as you continue. “In 1944, he was messing around with a chemical that would affect the nervous system, a paralytic agent that would devastate the enemy in a single press of a button. But he couldn’t stabilize it, so he shelved that particular project.”

Tony freezes, an uncomfortable, frightened expression on his face and before you can ask what’s wrong, Steve picks up where you left off. “She went into the lab without proper gear, because your father didn’t tell her what he had been doing in there.”

You nod, pressing down on the pump of the French press. “I was exposed to a diluted form of the chemical. Now, I wasn’t paralyzed but I became violently ill almost immediately. Howard was about to take me home when Steve got back and came looking for me.”

“I mean, I don’t know a whole lot about his father,” Sam glances between you and Tony with a shrug. “But this kinda sounds like an accident. This was a crowded army base, at war. Right?” Bucky lets out a low chuckle and claps Sam’s shoulder. “Oh it would’ve just been written off as an accident, but apparently _someone_ felt the need to try and blame her for getting sick.”

“I don’t think Howard meant to blame me,” you protest, reaching into the cabinet for travel mugs. “But when Steve came rushing in and cornered him, I think he panicked. Steve was, _is_ , a big man. Much bigger than Howard. Steve took one look at me and was furious; demanded an explanation immediately.”

Steve scoffs, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter, sweetheart. He could’ve told me it was his fault, just owned his mistake. Instead, he copped out some excuse and told me you shouldn’t have wandered in there in the first place.”

“So, you clocked him.” Tony guesses, folding his arms across his chest.

Steve turns and looks at Tony cautiously. “Yes, I punched him; he went right down. Gave him a black eye and he spent weeks trying to apologize.”

Tony squints, cocking his head as he considers this information. You hadn’t considered if he would be upset by this. You quirk an eyebrow in surprise when he starts laughing. 

“Jesus Cap, if you had led with this story _years_ ago, we probably would’ve gotten along much better in the beginning.” He stifles another bout of laughter as he stands. “There I was thinking the old man idolized you, when in reality, he probably just didn’t want to get punched again!”

“Anthony, Steve and Howard got along just fine once he apologized.” You slide a coffee cup over to him. “But he never messed around with chemical warfare after that. And I’m certain he hadn’t meant to place blame on me.”

Bucky rolls his eyes as he reaches for his offered cup. “Either way, I’m sure socking Howard Stark is high on Stevie’s list of memories from the War.”

“It’s up there,” Steve agrees with a smile. “But taking care of my girl, nursing her back to health that weekend ranks much higher for me.”

You feel your cheeks flush, remembering that weekend. While you had spent most of it sick and drifting in and out of sleep, Steve never left your side. He stayed and took such great care of you. If you hadn’t already known you were in love with him, you would’ve been after that. 

“You’re just a big old softie, aren’t you?” Sam asks with a laugh. 

“Sometimes.” Steve shrugs, stepping closer to you. “Especially when my best girl’s involved. Speaking of, if you don’t mind? You three have a meeting to get to and we have some business of our own to finish.”

Tony rolls his eyes and with his coffee cup in hand, he shoos Sam and Bucky out the front door. 

Steve turns back toward you, a playful glint in his eyes as he wraps his arms around your waist. “Where were we?”

You push yourself up onto your toes and press your lips to his. “You were admitting defeat, Captain. And I was about to show you why that was a good thing.”

“Then we should most definitely get back to that.” Steve smiles, lifting you over his shoulder easily. You let out a loud squeak and giggle as he swats your ass and carries you out of the kitchen and up the stairs to your room.

***

Six weeks after the meeting with the Secretary of Defense, you’re on the phone with one of Harvard’s directors when F.R.I.D.A.Y. tells you Tony needs to speak with you. Saying your goodbyes to the gentleman you were speaking with, you hang up and push yourself away from your desk. 

He’s lucky he caught you in the office, your stomach has been uneasy all day. You intended to make your call and head back to the house early, hoping that you hadn’t caught some kind of bug.

Tony’s door is shut when you knock on it, making your anxiety rise as you wait for him to let you in. 

When he does, Tony smiles at you but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “Hey, Ace.” He greets softly, motioning for you to have a seat. “You want a drink? I can make you something. Or if you’re hungry I can send out for some food?”

He’s babbling, something he does when he’s nervous. “Anthony, what’s going on?” You ask, folding one leg over the other. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. said you needed to talk to me.”

Tony sighs and slides his glasses off his face. He folds them and slides the frames into his pocket before kneeling down to crouch in front of you. He meets your eyes and in his you see nervousness and concern reflected back at you. 

“I need to tell you something, Ace.” He pushes himself back up and leans in front of you, against the edge of his desk. “I didn’t want anyone to accidentally say something and we’re getting to the point where Pepper wants to start telling people. So she and I agreed, I should talk to you before any of that happened.”

Your brow furrows in confusion. “What on earth are you talking about?”

Tony sucks in a deep breath and closes one eye like he’s about to pull off a bandage. “Pepper’s pregnant.” He reaches out for your hand. “A little over twelve weeks now and I… I just didn’t want you to… to think that we didn’t want you to know but...“ He trails off, unsure of what to say. 

You have a moment of pure heartache knowing that Tony feels guilty for telling you he’s going to have a baby. Then, you can’t help it, you have a crushing moment of sadness that you’re never going to be able to share news like this.

From the look on his face, you know Tony’s almost afraid of your reaction. You can allow yourself a moment of grief afterward. For now, you want to be happy for him. Schooling your face into an excited expression, you stand and wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

“You didn't have to be afraid to tell me.” You feel the tension in his shoulders start to lesson as he squeezes you back. When you pull back, you meet his soft eyes with a smile. “I appreciate you for considering my feelings, but this isn’t about me. You and Pepper are going to start a family, that’s wonderful news.”

Tony’s eyes light up at your assurances. “Yeah? I didn’t want to upset you, Ace but I _really_ wanted to tell you. But I mean, I’m nervous as Hell. Howard wasn’t exactly a great role model for father of the year but I wanna do right by my kid and -”

You cut him off before he can doubt himself any further. “Anthony, you’re going to be an amazing father.” You promise as you slide back into your chair.

“You’re a good man. You’re going to do what’s best for your child. In my heart, I know you know that.” You let out a soft sigh as you lean back into the cushions. “And despite Howard’s shortcomings, I truly believe he would be proud of the man you are. I’ve said that before, you don’t need to worry.”

Tony lets out a breath, relief weighing heavily on his face. “Yeah, but I do. And I can’t exactly tell Pepper that I’m freaking out cause she’s worried enough on her own. Neither of us are kids anymore and I want to be strong for her. Plus, given what we do? It makes me nervous to bring children into our world.”

You grab his hand, squeezing it gently. “You are strong, Tony. You’ve done incredible things, and saved so many lives. Your child will be proud to have the two of you as parents and there’s no safer place than with you. No matter where you raise him or her, they’ll be safe.”

“You’re the best, Ace.” Tony grins, pushing up the sleeves of his shirt. He walks over to the drink station built into the wall of his office. “Have I told you that lately?” 

With a laugh, you push yourself to your feet. “You do, frequently.” When he hands you a glass filled with the scotch he knows you don’t hate, you inhale the strong aroma and a wave of nausea rolls through you. “I want to toast with you, but I haven’t been feeling well today.” You hand it back to him. “I’ll toast in spirit until my stomach settles.”

With a shrug, Tony down his glass and sets yours onto the counter. “You should get home, wrap yourself in a blanket and relax. I’ll have F.R.I.D.A.Y. send some soup over.” 

He steps closer to you, resting a hand on your shoulder. When Tony smiles, you see rare vulnerability on his face when he looks at you. “You sure you’re okay? I… you’re important to me, Ace. I didn’t want to hide this from you.”

You swallow the lump you feel forming in your throat and blink slowly so tears don’t form along your lashes. “I’m fine. I’m really happy for you, Anthony. I am.”

When you hug him again, you tell him you’re going to take him up on his offer of food delivery and head back. “You got it, kid.” He grins, picking up the phone on his desk. “Let her know when you're settled and she’ll get you whatever you want.”

As you shut the door to his office, Tony calls you by your first name, it’s rare given that he prefers to call you by the nickname his father first came up with. You poke your head back and furrow your brow in question when he moves until he inches from the door. “I love you, I really do. This little one is gonna love you too. I hope you know that.”

Instead of answering, you lean forward and kiss his cheek. Once you’ve shut the door, you barely make it into your office before you fall apart.

You ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to place your office on do not disturb as you grab the blanket from the back of the cushioned chair by your door. You wrap yourself in the comfort of the material and sink into your office chair. 

The overwhelming feeling of sorrow roots you in place as tears collect along your lash line. Your guilt mounts until you feel it bubble out of you in sobs. You hate that you feel this way; Tony is going to be a father and you should be thrilled. 

It was a sweet gesture, evidence of how much Tony cares about you. He wanted to consider your feelings and tell you on his own before anyone else knew. But you can’t help that all you can think of is your own brokenness and the fact that Steve will have to watch this little one grow knowing he’ll never have that with you.

After a few minutes, your sobs slow into small hiccups and you make yourself stand. Stepping into the small bathroom attached to your office, you splash cold water on your face to hide the splotchy evidence on your skin that you’ve been crying. As you pat your face dry, you call out to F.R.I.D.A.Y. and ask her to forward all of your emails to your home office.

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Mrs. Rogers?” The A.I asks, filled with artificial cheerfulness. 

You grab your things as you nod absently. “Yes, please. Tell Captain Rogers that my stomach hasn’t gotten better. I’m going home early.”

You quickly make your way to the elevators and then to the access tunnel connecting the compound to your house. You hurry along the walkway, desperate to be in the safety and silence of your living room.

***

About an hour later, you’re nestled on the couch, wrapped in the soft comfort of the blanket from your bed. You’ve let yourself cry a few more times, choking off your sobs each time you’ve felt guilt bulldoze through you. 

Tears track your mascara down your cheeks; you’re sure you look a mess. You know you have to pull yourself together before Steve comes home, he doesn't need to see you like this. He’s bound to be thrilled once Tony’s told him, who wouldn’t be? 

Your heart skips a beat when you hear the door in the kitchen open. Steve shouldn’t be home right now, he has two meetings back to back this afternoon. You begin unwrapping the blanket from your legs when he steps into the room.

His eyes widen, calling attention to the soft cerulean of his irises, as he crosses the distance to you quickly and drops to his knees in front of you. Steve reaches up to run his thumb across your tear stained cheek. 

“Tony just told me,” he whispers, pulling you down onto his lap. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Steve wraps his arms around you, allowing you to sink into the security you find there. You don’t want to cry again, but you can’t help the tears that slide down your face.

“How did you know that I was upset?” You ask, between sniffles. “I told Tony I was happy for him, and I am, he’s a good man. But Steve, I…I just couldn’t...”

He shushes you, pressing his lips to your forehead. “Because darling, I know you better than anyone else in the entire world. So after he left my office, I came straight home to check on you.” He rests his head against yours as he settles into a sitting position on the ground. 

“What can I do?” Steve asks, his voice a soothing balm over the turmoil in your mind. 

You look up at him, up at the man who loves you despite your flaws, and shake your head. “Nothing, just stay here with me? For a few minutes? I know you’ve got a busy day and -”

“All of that can wait.” He promises, leaning himself and you against the couch. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you we wouldn't let you down! Hope that scene was everything you wanted it to be and then some. 
> 
> Anyone catch the IM1 reference we threw in there? That paralytic agent that Tony decided was too dangerous to finish? And that whole situation happens in the prequel, can't wait for you to read it fully fleshed out. And Pepper being pregnant threw you for a loop, huh? Steve is such a good man, he just knew you weren't okay. 
> 
> Can't wait for the visitor we throw at you next week. You'll never see him coming :)


	82. Chapter Eighty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright loves, we're gonna throw a bit of a curve ball at you and temporarily introduce a character that doesn't quite belong here. But trust us, because you have so far, and know that there's a reason he's here. Not only do we weave just a bit of our other WIP into this, but you'll find that this guy's particular brand of personality helps us introduce a few very important plot points that are coming up. 
> 
> Thank you for trusting us, we promise not to let you down <3

It takes you a few days, but eventually you pull yourself out of your sadness and realize you truly are happy for Tony and Pepper. Once you’ve gotten a hold of yourself and your emotions, you let them know you want to be as involved as you can, help where you can. 

Tony’s face lights up, his eyes crinkling at the edges, when you tell him and they both accept your assistance graciously. After that, you find it doesn’t hurt to talk about their baby or about what the future could hold for you and Steve.

It gives you hope actually, that you may be able to give Steve the family you so desperately want him to have. You plan to talk to him tonight, once you’re both home, about what kinds of options you have available to you. 

But as you stand in front of the mirror that night, your own reflection derails you. You’ve gained weight, you’re sure of it. Everyone talks about it, happy weight, but you never would have believed it was a thing until now. 

With a raised eyebrow, you rest your hands on your lower stomach and turn to Steve as he strips off his dress shirt. “I don’t know where this cookie pouch came from,” you sigh, letting your dress fall to the floor at your feet. “But I don’t like it.”

Steve freezes, snorting back a laugh as he stares at you. “Sweetheart, did you just say a _cookie pouch?_ ”

You roll your eyes, and with a laugh you repeat the phrase. “Yes, _cookie pouch_. It’s what Dottie used to say whenever she felt like she gained some weight. You never heard her say that? She’d obsess for days before a photo shoot.”

Steve shrugs out of his sleeves and pulls his undershirt over his head. “I can honestly tell you that I do _not_ remember her ever saying that. Buck might but -” He cuts himself off and quickly strides over to you. “Wait, you think you’ve gained weight?”

“Of course I do, Stevie. Look.” You rest your hands back on your bare stomach and let out an exasperated sound. “I have a little cookie pouch now. It never used to be here; honestly, how did you not notice?”

Steve tilts your head up with his fingers. “Darling, I don’t see anything except the beautiful woman I married.”

With a lighthearted scowl, you take a step backward. “Clearly, that serum isn’t helping your eyesight anymore.” You shrug and lean down to slip out of your oxfords and stockings. “I’ll just have to stop baking so much, I suppose.”

Steve leans forward, running his thumb along your cheek. “You’ve always been so critical of yourself, I wish you wouldn’t be. You’re the most beautiful dame in the world, and quite possibly the best baker the compound has ever seen.” He laughs softly. “Besides, I think if you went on strike, everyone would riot.”

You laugh with him. “Everyone would be fine if I stopped baking. Honestly, they could all do with less sweets in their life. Have you seen Tony? He’s clearly eating for two, just like Pepper.”

As he unzips his dress pants and shimmies them down his hips, he rolls his eyes. “Don’t let the rest of the team hear you say that. They love when you bake for them. Especially Sam, he’s got the biggest sweet tooth of the group.” 

Reaching into the top drawer of the dresser, he pulls out pajama pants and tugs them up. “And Tony? He’s a snacker anyway. You know he always has food hidden around the compound.”

“They may love it, but maybe it’s time for a change.” You walk to your closet and grab your robe hanging near the door.

“And I know he does,” you roll your eyes. “He pulls out snacks all over the workshop. It used to make me insane. Honestly, I’ve stopped questioning him but if he's not careful, Tony’s going to end up gaining the same weight as Pepper with all his weird cravings.”

Steve walks up behind you, pulling you to him. He runs his fingers through your hair when you don’t immediately relax. “You’re a little snappy tonight, sweetheart. Are you feeling alright?”

You exhale deeply through your nose, resting your cheek against his bare chest. “I’m sorry, darling. It’s just been a long day. I’m tired and my stomach has been off since last week. I didn’t mean to snap.”

“It’s perfectly alright. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Do you still think it’s something you ate?”

“It has to be.” You guess, pulling on your silk robe and tying it shut. “I just didn’t know it would last this long.”

Steve shrugs, leaning away from you. “I’ve seen food poisoning last for days. Have you been _that_ sick?”

“I’ve been throwing up quite a bit. Have you not heard me get up during the night?” 

When Steve shakes his head, you fold your arms across your chest. “In the past two days alone, I haven’t been able to keep much down other than water or tea. And coffee has been giving me heartburn. It’s never done that before.”

“Odd. Well, take it easy tomorrow and Sunday. There’s nothing major happening so you should be able to rest. Monday, if you’re still feeling this way, let’s call the doctor.”

“Honestly Stevie, it’s probably nothing. Just the stress of everyday life finally getting to me.” You watch him walk toward the other side of the room and lay his watch on the nightstand. “Speaking of, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

Steve sits on the edge of the bed and pats the comforter near his thigh. “C’mere, sweetheart. What is it?”

“I think I’d like to look into adoption.” You confess as you step up to him so your legs are touching his knees. “It’s been a few months since the wedding, everything is calm and I… I feel like it’s a good time. At least to start talking with someone so we can see what our options are.”

Steve’s eyes light up, excitement blossoming on his face as he pulls you down to him so you're straddling his lap. “That sounds like a wonderful idea, my love. There are so many children out there that need homes and ours would be warm and welcoming.”

He presses his lips to your cheek, his breath warm on your skin as he speaks. “I’m so happy to hear you say that. To be honest, I’ve wanted to bring it up since we got back together after the fight, but I didn’t want to push you.” He tilts his head in question. “What made you decide?”

“I never would have felt like you were pushing me, Stevie.” You assure him with a soft smile. “Don’t worry about that.” 

You thread your fingers through his before you continue. “But it was a few things actually; seeing how happy Tony and Pepper are about their baby got me thinking about it. At first, you know I was jealous and I know it was irrational. But Tony knows I’m nothing but happy for them.”

You rest your head on his shoulder and squeeze his hand. “And your reaction to seeing me that day? You were so supportive and I just knew that you were going to be an incredible father if you had the chance. I couldn’t allow you to not have that opportunity. If adopting will give that to you, _to us_ , then I want to give you a family the only way I can.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Steve lifts your chin so you meet his eyes. “I told you before, if our family ends with us then I’m happy as long as you are. Please don’t think you have to do this for me.”

You smile contentedly. “I don’t think that, but I love you for reassuring me.” You cover his hand with your own as he rests it on your cheek. “I want to do this, I want to look into adoption. So we can have a family that doesn’t end with us. We have this beautiful home, I want to fill it with children’s laughter and memories.”

Steve smiles, his cerulean eyes full of adoration and warmth. “Then that’s what we’ll do, sweetheart.”

***

With your stomach still a little off, when Steve reminds you the next morning that he’s running drills for Fury’s new recruits, you snuggle back down into bed and tell him you’re going to stay right where you are. 

“If you need me, have F.R.I.D.A.Y. call me.” Steve leans over and kisses the top of your head. “I’ll come right home.”

“I’ll be fine,” you assure him. “I'm just going to relax in bed, maybe do a little independent research on adoptions. See where we need to start.”

Steve straightens with a wide grin on his face. “I can’t wait for you to tell me everything when I come back.” He runs his thumb along your jaw as he leans away from you. “I love you, Mrs. Rogers.”

You let out a soft sigh of contentment as you lean back against the pillows. “I love you too, Captain Rogers.”

You let yourself drift back off to sleep, trying to take advantage of the fact that today is the least queasy you’ve felt all week. You rest for a good few hours, until F.R.I.D.A.Y. informs you that Tony’s downstairs. 

Sliding out of the bed, you wrap your robe around yourself and softly pad down the stairs. You smile when you see him in your kitchen, stirring something in a pan on your stove. “What are you doing?” You ask, giggling when your voice startles him. 

Tony whirls around, his shoulders shrinking down as if you've just caught him doing something he shouldn't. You lean against the kitchen island with a smile. “Anthony, did Steve tell you to come check on me?”

He waves one of your wooden kitchen spoons in surrender. “No, well, sort of. Cap told me you still weren’t feeling one hundred percent so I figured I’d bring some soup and heat it up for you.” You walk over and peer into the pan. From the look of it, it’s chicken noodle and your stomach rumbles appreciatively. 

“Just let me go get dressed and I’ll be right back down. Feel free to make yourself something if you don’t want soup.” You gesture to the refrigerator. “I made stuffed shells the other night, there’s still some left.”

“You’re the _best_ , Ace.” Tony grins as you turn on your heel and head back up the steps. 

Closing your door behind you, you slip out of your robe and nightgown and slide open your closet door. You grab a pale blue swing dress with short sleeves and a collar. It looks almost identical to one you owned in 1944, easily making it one of your favorites.

Reaching down, you grab your brown oxfords and set both on the bed. At the dresser, you grab appropriate undergarments and slip them on. Before you slide your dress over your head, you style your hair into a casual twist at the base of your neck, leaving a few tendrils out that frame your face. 

You quickly brush your teeth and add a touch of makeup before heading back down the stairs. “There she is.” Tony grins when he sees you. He pulls his plate of shells from the microwave and sets it on the counter. “You’d never know you don't feel well, Ace. You look great.”

As you ladle your soup into the waiting bowl, you roll your eyes. “Look great, feel awful.” You carry the bowl to the dining room and settle down into the chair. “I just need whatever this is to run its course and be done.”

Tony sets himself down next to you. “I get that, that’s why I came to keep you company.”

You point your spoon at him. “Are you _babysitting_ me, Anthony?”

“No. Why on earth would _I_ be babysitting _you." You_ stare at him pointedly until he squirms in his seat. “ _Alright_. Pep told me to get out of the suite before she flew back to Malibu and didn’t let me near her until the baby was born. Apparently, I’m driving her nuts.”

You stifle a giggle with the back of your hand. “So what you’re saying is, _I’m_ babysitting _you_.” Tony shoves a forkful of pasta into his mouth and shrugs in response. Before you can comment on it further, a crash then the sound of glass shattering in your living room makes you both jump. 

Tony flies out of his chair, motioning for you to get behind him. The watch at his wrist morphs into a gauntlet as he holds it out in front of himself. At the sound, your mind unwillingly flashes back to the attack on the compound. 

When Schmidt’s men attacked, they had rappelled in through the windows, shattering the bullet proof glass of the common room. The two of you had been the only ones there at the time. You immediately thought of that moment and from the look on Tony’s face, he did too.

You both inch around the corner, pausing when you hear a gruff, accented voice muttering angrily from the living room. “Bollocks, bloody fucking hell. Johnny, what the hell have you done this time?”

Tony turns to give you an incredulous stare as he holds a finger to his lips. You haven't heard that strong an English accent since you met Henry, Dottie’s future husband, back in 1946. What on earth is going on? 

When the muttering from the living room turns into quick pained sentences, you let out an annoyed sigh and push past Tony. “ _Ace!_ ” He hisses, reaching for the collar of your dress. You whip around and raise your eyebrow.

“Whoever is in the living room doesn’t sound like a threat.” You whisper, turning back to face him. “He sounds like he’s hurt. So follow me, with your repulsor armed, if you must. But I’m going to investigate.” Tony huffs in annoyance, but gives you the go ahead. You turn and carefully step into your living room.

You’re not sure how the man got in here, but he seems to have landed on your glass coffee table. It’s shattered all over your hardwood floor. The man himself, seems disheveled and disoriented. It seems that in his confusion, he hasn’t noticed you staring at him. 

His light blond hair sticks up in messy angles, making it appear like he has perpetual bedhead. His white dress shirt and black dress pants are wrinkled and the tan trench coat he’s wearing has definitely seen better days. He’s cradling his left hand; the blood running from it drips onto your floor by his feet. 

Before you can ask him if he’s alright, Tony steps in front of you, gauntlet at the ready. “Alright Sting, so you either tell us who you are or I start shooting.” The man looks up, intensely startled and takes a small step backward.

“Listen here handsome, I don’t want any trouble.” The man responds, staring at Tony, then you, warily. “I reckon I’ve just gotten myself a touch displaced. If one of you lot would be so kind as to fetch me a bandage, I’ll wrap my hand and be on my way.”

When you move to grab the first aid kit, Tony shakes his head. “Who. Are. You.” He asks again, firing up the repulsor. 

The man smirks and raises his right hand. “Two can play that game.” He mutters in what you think is Latin, clearly expecting something to happen. He turns his palm back toward himself and swears under his breath. “ _B_ _loody_ _hell,_ where am I?” 

When Tony takes a step forward, you get in front of him, arms raised. You lift an eyebrow at the blond man and take a deep breath. “You’re hurt, and clearly not where you think you are. So why don't you tell us your name and let us help you. Before Tony here gives you a bigger wound.”

“Ace,” Tony warns, under his breath. You turn back to glare at him.

The man sighs and seems to understand that you, at least, don’t mean him any harm. He lowers his right hand and gives you a charming smile. “Names John Constantine, luv. I meant what I said, I don’t want trouble. Where might I be?”

“Nice to meet you, John.” You smile, gesturing behind you for Tony to lower his hand. You tell him your name and thumb behind you. “This is Tony and you’re in upstate New York.” 

John’s face falters for a moment, this is clearly not what he was expecting. You watch his eyes move over your body, taking in your dress and shoes before his eyes slide over to Tony and roam over his button up and dress pants. 

“Alright.” John says slowly. “ _When_ am I?” You tell him the year and he furrows his brow in disbelief. “Not to argue with you, luv, but you look like you’re a touch displaced yourself. You’ve got an old soul about you and you dress -” 

Tony snorts. “You have _no_ idea.” He steps next to you and tilts his head. “But she’s right. That’s the year. Where are _you_ from?”

John shakes his head and opens his mouth to answer him when you hold up a hand and cut him off. “Hold that thought, please. Will you two follow me into the kitchen? I need to get that hand stitched up before you bleed all over my floor.”

John and Tony follow behind you as you crouch down under the sink to get to the first aid kit. You motion for John to sit and get to work cleaning up his hand. As you work, you notice the patchwork of scars already littering his arm when he pulls up his sleeve. You meet his eyes for a moment but make no mention of it. 

“I’m _from_ Liverpool, by the way.” He answers, inhaling sharply when the needle pierces his skin. “But ten bloody minutes ago, I was standing in the kitchen of my flat in London.” 

“Alright, Houdini.” Tony folds his arms across his chest. “And you ended up in her living room, how?”

John smirks in Tony’s direction. “You’ve got the right idea, handsome. But Houdini was a bloody amateur compared to me. I’m the greatest sorcerer that ever lived. But I must’ve gotten my wires crossed with the spell I was doing and -”

“I’m sorry, you’re a _what_?” Tony cuts him off with a barking laugh. “A _sorcerer_? You know magic’s not real, right? Ace, I think he’s delusional.”

John draws himself up in his seat, looking mildly offended at being questioned. “Of course it’s bloody real. How else did I end up here, then?” 

“Anthony,” you set the needle down on the gauze beside you. “ _Loki_ is magic.”

Tony unfolds his arms and throws them into the air. “Loki is basically an _alien._ Not a magician.”

John’s eyes dart between the two of you as you finish up with his hand. As you wrap it, you glance up at him. “Is that what you were trying to do earlier? Magic?”

“I was.” John admits, carefully flexing the fingers on his injured hand. “But from the looks of it, my magic’s gone all to pot. _I’m_ still magic, just can’t seem to conjure up a bloody thing here.” He raises an eyebrow. “I can’t be in the same universe I came from.”

“I have so many questions.” Tony raises his hand as if he’s waiting to be called on. “ _You’re_ still magic?” 

John nods, sliding off the stool so he can stand. “Aye. Magic, the Arts, whatever you want to call it, runs through me. I can still feel it, but I reckon it’s jammed up with me being in the wrong world.” 

He turns to you with a smirk. “For example, I know for a fact that _you_ are not from this time,” he glances at Tony with a raised brow, “the same way I know that _you_ have cheated death, possibly as many times as Ol’Johnny has.”

Your eyes widen in disbelief as you process what he’s just said. “ _W_ _hat_?”

John laughs at the expression on both of your faces and shrugs casually. “My magic may be on the fritz, but I can still feel certain things.” He inspects his hand now that you’re done. “Cheers.” He smiles down at it. “That’ll heal in no time.”

He lifts his head, turning toward the front door with interest. “Someone’s coming, luv. _He’s_ not from this time either. Seems to be a running theme with you lot, eh?” 

Nodding, you push yourself to your feet. “That would be my husband.” You tell him as you make your way to the hallway. 

Steve rushes through the door, concern evident on his face. “Sweetheart, are you alright? F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me there was a crash, I was a few miles away from the compound but I got here as quick as I could. What happened?”

“Less of a what, more of a who.” Tony laughs before you can explain. Steve furrows his brow in confusion. “An unexpected guest _literally_ dropped in.”

“Everything’s fine, Steve.” You assure him. While you don’t know John, you have a strong feeling that everything he’s told you is the truth and he isn’t here to hurt anyone. “His name is John, I don’t know how to explain it, but I trust him. He’s _really_ not from around here. So we’re going to help him get home.”

John steps into the living room, warily. “You are?”

“We are.” Steve extends his hand to John. “If my wife trusts you, then I do as well. I’m Steve Rogers, it’s nice to meet you.”

“John Constantine.” John takes his hand, an odd expression crossing his face. “I’m sorry, mate. Did you just say _Steve Rogers?_ Captain America, Steve Rogers?”

Steve laughs, resting his hands at his hips. “Have we met?”

“No,” you jump in, eyeing John up and down. “But he looks familiar, right? A little like that reporter friend of Howard’s; oh, what was his name?”

Steve narrows his eyes just a bit. “Joe O’Hara. CBS War Correspondent, based out of New York.” He tilts his head, eyeing John suspiciously. “No, I don’t see it.” He responds, entirely unconvincingly.

Tony lets out a deep laugh. “I’m sensing this O’Hara was a touchy subject?”

“We can come back to that.” John interrupts. “Really, _you’re_ Captain America?” Steve nods and takes a few steps into the hallway. “That’s impossible.” Steve runs his fingers over the control panel and pulls out the sliding part of the wall. 

When he steps back into the room, shield in hand, John’s eyes widen incredulously. “Bloody hell,” he murmurs, running his fingers along the metal. “On my earth, you’re a comic book character. This is bloody brilliant.” 

Steve smiles as he sets the shield down on the couch. “I had a run of comics back in the forties but it’s not common knowledge anymore.” He turns back to John with a shrug. “More of a collectors item now.”

“No, no. That’s not what I meant.” John shakes his head, realization dawning in his eyes. “ _Bloody hell._ If you’re Captain America, then that must mean -” He turns to Tony with a wide playful grin. “Tony? As in Tony Stark? Playboy billionaire?”

Tony lets out another barking laugh. “You forgot genius and philanthropist but, yep. That’s me.”

John’s eyes dart excitedly between Steve and Tony. “You don’t understand, mate. Where I’m from, you lot are made up. Comic characters. Captain America, Ironman, The Avengers. None of you lot are real.”

“I can assure you, we’re very real.” Tony smiles, folding his arms across his chest. “I have the suits and scars to prove it.”

John mirrors Tony, folding his arms across his own chest. “Now listen handsome, _those_ I’d like to see.” He turns to Steve with a smirk. “No offense, mate. I’m sure you’re a barrel of fun but somehow I feel like Mr. Stark here could show me a better time.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Houdini.” Tony gestures in Steve’s direction. “You might find me a tad boring in my old age. Out of the two of us, only Cap here’s been on the wrong side of the law. _Technically_ , he’s a war criminal.”

When you roll your eyes, John laughs as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry, mate. Did you just call Captain America a bloody _war criminal_?”

Steve settles down on the edge of the couch, gesturing for the three of you to do the same. “For a period of time, I was a wanted man. The government and I eventually came to a mutual agreement. The Avengers were more useful to them when we worked on the same side, but it was pretty convoluted until things worked out.”

John perches down on the armchair across from you. “You’re not the Captain America I’ve read about then, are ya?” 

“I’m sure no one would want to read about Captain America being a menace.” Steve argues, as he leans back against the cushions.

John shrugs himself out of his coat and sets to work rolling up his sleeves. “I sure as Hell would. No one can be good all the time, eh?”

“I wasn’t trying to do anything illegal or inherently wrong.” Steve explains, meeting your eyes before he stares at John. “There was an organization working inside of our own and we didn’t know it. It was eating us from the inside, destroying everything we stood for. When I stood against it, those who had infiltrated tried to stop me by turning the law against me. It just spiraled from there for a couple years. Not exactly comic book material.”

“It was a mess, that’s for damn sure.” Tony cracks his knuckles when the group falls into silence. “So… John. How do we go about getting you back to your Earth? I can’t believe I just said that with a straight face.”

John shrugs and twists his face into an expression of frustration. “No bloody clue, mate. You said there’s an alien here? Is he actually magic or no?”

You let out a soft sigh. “Loki has magic running through him, yes. But I don’t know how to contact him. He and his brother are frequently off-world.”

Tony pushes himself to his feet, giving the three of you a smug grin. “I may be able to help with that. The last time he was here, before the wedding, we were working on a multi- realm communications system. Schmidt was already dead, but Loki agreed with me. There needed to be a way to get a message to him if something catastrophic happened and we needed help quickly.”

Steve twists his head in Tony’s direction. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“Yeah, well, we weren’t so great about communicating for a little while, huh?” Tony pushes back. “In any case, I was hoping that we’d never need it. But we can give it a try now, see if we can’t get a message to Rock of Ages.”

“Rock of Ages? Houdini?” John asks, his lips twisting into a smile. “You lot don’t fancy using real names, then?”

It’s your turn to laugh. “Tony gives _everyone_ nicknames. I told you my name, but you’ll only ever hear him call me Ace. And Steve is usually Cap. I’m sure you’ll have more than a few besides Houdini before it’s time for you to go home.” 

At that, his face twists into something sad and almost wistful. You resist the urge to ask him about it, but you get the sense that he’s very much running from something. Or someone for that matter. 

“Care to take a walk with us, Mr. Constantine?” Steve asks, as he rises from the couch. “We can take a look and see if Tony’s machine actually works.”

Tony makes a scandalized expression. “Of course it works, _I_ built it.”

John glances at you for a moment, before swallowing and giving Steve a tentative grin. “Please, mate, call me John. And since the memory displacement spell I attempted to cast went arse over tit, I reckon I’m stuck here for the time being until I can figure out a way to get home. So with that being said, if you’d like me to, Captain, I’d be chuffed to take a look with you. Don’t want to muck up my stay here.”

Sensing John’s nervousness, you rise and rest a hand on Steve’s arm. “Darling, John can stay here. I’ll eventually need some help with dinner anyway.” When John nods in agreement, Steve leans down and kisses your cheek. 

Tony quickly glances at John. “If you need us -”

“I’ll have F.R.I.D.A.Y. get you.” You assure him. “I promise.”

With a lingering glance in your direction, both Steve and Tony head out the front door and down to the compound.

“Oi, the two of them then, protective _and_ handsome.” John grins, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his discarded coat. “You’ve certainly got your pick here, don’t you, luv.”

You shake your head and grab the cigarette from his lips. At his incredulous expression, you shrug and raise your eyebrow. “No smoking in the house.” You quickly break it in half.

“I’ll not have that smell lingering. And yes, they are. Steve is the love of my life, Tony is my best friend. We’ve been through a great deal together so unfortunately, they’re entitled to be protective of me.” 

Walking toward the kitchen, you continue speaking over your shoulder. “Not that I can’t handle myself, John. Because I can. But I know Steve and Tony want to keep me safe. And when you meet James and Loki, you’ll see that they do as well.” 

You hear John chuckle as he follows you. “You remind me a hell of a lot of someone I knew back on my Earth. She was a spitfire of a lass and never let me forget it.”

“ _Was_?” You ask, turning on the sink to clean up the dishes from lunch. “I don’t mean to pry, John. Did something happen?”

John shoves his hands into his pockets, tensing up his shoulders as he speaks. “We’re ah… we’re not together anymore. I mucked some things up and, well, I’m sure you know how these things go.”

“I do.” You agree, adding soap to a sponge. John doesn’t elaborate and you don’t ask him to. You can only imagine how he must feel right now, in a strange time and place with no one around him that he knows. You know better than most how that feels. 

As if reading your thoughts, John leans against the counter next you and grabs the dish towel. “So you and Captain Handsome, huh? How did the two of you end up here, in this time, if magic’s not a thing that exists. Because I’m certain that your soul has been pushed through the century.”

You hand him the pan and meet the dark amber of his eyes. “We were both frozen, for decades. But not together. We met during World War II, when I worked with Tony’s father. I helped design the weapons that won the war and Steve was the army’s only genetically enhanced super soldier.”

You chuckle at John’s confused expression. “We did what we had to back then.” You shrug. “The organization that Steve mentioned earlier? It existed back in the forties. And the evil that took hold there, needed to be stopped at all costs. Steve sacrificed his life to ensure Hydra’s leader wouldn't succeed. He crashed his plane into the Atlantic, stopping missiles that would destroy New York and was frozen for seventy years because of it.”

John sets the pan on the island behind you. “And you, luv?”

“I’m a different story entirely.” You sigh and turn off the water so you can face him. “After Steve’s death, I could barely function. I worked on the base before the war, so I continued to do so in a limited capacity. A member of Steve’s old team told me he couldn’t keep watching me waste away like I was. And trust me, I tried to move on. I even dated Tony’s father for a while. But nothing could replace Steve in my heart.”

You close your eyes for a moment. “So when Steve’s teammate told us they were going to go find him, bring Steve home, I refused to back down until they took me with them. We were investigating the last known Hydra base location when I was attacked. I was thrown into a cryochamber and frozen.” 

You open your eyes as you exhale. “Tony found me, brought me here without knowing who I even was. I woke up a few years after Steve did.”

John lets out a low whistle. “Bollocks, ain't that a tale.” You can’t argue with him.

“Do you believe in fate, John?” You ask, folding your arms across your chest. When he slowly nods, you give him a soft smile. 

“I figured you would. I believe fate pushed Steve and I together during the war and it helped me find him in this time. We love each other more than I can explain. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this way before about someone, but I knew we were meant to be together.”

John sucks in a quick breath and in that moment, you're sure that it’s a _someone_ he’s running from. “I knew it from the moment I met him,” you admit softly. “That Steve Rogers was the man I wanted to spend my life with.”

“I understand that feeling.” John smiles, mostly to himself. “But fate has a way of kicking Ol’ Johnny when he’s down. So I don’t reckon I’ll get to be that jammy.” When you furrow your brow in confusion, John shrugs. “I meant lucky.”

You walk to the cabinet and pull out a bottle of scotch. “Now, I don’t normally condone drinking, goodness knows I’ve needed a bit of Tony’s whiskey to calm my nerves before, but it looks like you could use one, John.” You set the bottle on the counter. “So, I’ll bend my own rules just once.”

He grins at you as he glances around for a glass. “I knew I liked you, luv.” He lets out a soft laugh. “Part of me wants to just set up shop here, hang with you lot. S’not like I have anyone to look forward to at home.”

You reach up into the cabinet and grab two glasses. “I don’t know exactly what happened to you back home, John Constantine. But you seem like the kind of man who can get himself out of anything if he puts his mind to it.”

He watches you fill the two glasses with a curious expression on his face. “You give me more credit than I bloody well deserve. Just another thing that reminds me of home.” 

As you slide him a glass and lift your own, he tilts his head. “Now, I don’t know if I’m overstepping, but I’d think twice about having a drink in your condition, luv. Especially something that strong.”

You set the glass down, knitting your brows together in confusion. “I beg your pardon?”

John lifts his glass and gestures to your stomach. “I reckon, to be fair, I shouldn’t have tried to smoke in front of you either. Old habits and all that.” You shake your head, unable to connect the dots to what he’s saying.

“Come now, luv. Surely you didn’t need the likes of me to be the one to tell you.” John downs his glass then reaches for yours with a grin. “You’re pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOO yeah, we just did that. Left you on a helluva cliffhanger :)  
> Can't wait to hear y'alls theories on how this is possible :)  
> But, were we right or what? John weirdly fits in here. And you'll find out a little more about his story as he's stuck with you and Steve for a bit. 
> 
> Now, we ask that you still love us as we move toward Christmas. As you know, we both manage retail and it's been a crazy season. So, we won't be posting Christmas Eve. But rest assured, we should be able to post the following Thursday (New Year's Eve). If that changes, we will comment and let y'all know. We love you guys!


	83. Chapter Eighty- Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back!!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for your love and patience!! And thank you for not freaking out that we've added a new comer to our midst. Trust us, as he spends time alongside Steve and co, you'll see he has a good purpose for being here. You'll get a hint at it in this chapter...

Unable to stop yourself, your hand lashes out and slaps John across the face. “ _How dare you._ ”

John quickly rises to his feet, cupping his cheek as he steps back. “How dare I _what?_ ” He shouts, glaring in your direction. “Tell you not to have a bloody drink when you’ve got a nipper in there?”

You shake your head, dragging a deep breath in through your nose. “I don’t… I can’t… I’m sorry, but that’s impossible.” You take in his surprised face and the tinge of pink on his cheek.

Recovering quickly, John straightens and folds his arms across his chest. “You and the Captain are fit as hell. I’d chat both of you up in a bar.” He raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Do you mean to tell me that you and him have never -”

Your cheeks flush at the implication and you shake your head to interrupt him. “Oh, no, we have. But having a child… I was told that it was simply impossible. You must be mistaken.”

John shakes his head as he grabs his stool and pulls in about a foot further away from you. “I can assure you, luv. I’m not.” He stares at your stomach before meeting your eyes. “Though I can tell you, there’s something decidedly magical about the nipper in there.”

“Not magical.” You argue, moving your hands to rest them on your stomach. “Enhanced. Steve’s blood is altered, he has -”

“ _Magical_.” John pushes back. “I would know.” 

The front door slams, making both of you jump. “What’s going on?” Steve calls as he strides into the kitchen. “Sweetheart, are you alright?”

“Oh she’s fine,” John answers, raising his hands when Steve can see them. “I’m the one who’s been assaulted. I reckon she’s just working on processing what I told her.”

Steve reaches for your hand as he walks up to you. “Assaulted? What exactly did you tell her?”

With a deep breath, you move a hand from your stomach to take his. Guiding his hand to where yours just was, you smile up at him. “That I’m pregnant.”

Steve freezes, his eyes shining with excitement and complete disbelief. “Wha- how? Darling, how is this possible?”

John shrugs, reaching for your forgotten glass on the island top. “I bloody well told her, something magical’s going on in there.” He swallows the scotch quickly, using the glass to gesture to Steve. “And not just because you’ve been _enhanced_.”

“ _Loki_.” You grab Steve’s arm. “When Loki helped to heal me, after I died?” 

John’s eyebrows fly up. “After you _what_?” 

You hold up your hand to silence him. “Died. I know, I’ll explain in a moment.” You tilt your head in Steve’s direction. “Do you think that when he healed my injuries he was able to heal whatever was wrong inside of me as well?” 

“But your doctor’s appointments were -”

“ _Before_ we were taken.” You rise from your seat. “I didn’t let them run anymore tests afterward. I couldn’t bear to have them poking and prodding at me when I already knew that I was broken.”

Steve stares at you in wonder as he puts the pieces together in his head. “It’s a possibility, I suppose. Tony was having an issue with a coupling coil when I ran over here. So as soon as he figures out the right algorithm to stabilize the ion particles, we’ll reach out to Loki and bring him here. He might be able to shed some light on this.” 

When you agree, Steve lets out a deep belly laugh as he cups your face. “Oh my god, sweetheart.” His hands press into your hips as he lifts you off the ground and whirls you around. “We’re going to have a baby! Oh! I’m sorry, I need to be careful.” He carefully sets you down and excitedly presses his lips to yours. 

“So, you guys know you have an audience, right?” Tony’s voice interrupts you both. 

When Steve pulls away, he turns to John apologetically. “I’m sorry. I just got a bit carried away.” To his credit, John just shrugs and pours himself another glass. 

“Yeah, you tend to get carried away a lot.” Tony laughs, crossing his arms as he leans against the kitchen door frame. “Why specifically this time?”

John lifts his glass with a grin. “Because she’s pregnant and that’s apparently a big bloody deal around here.”

“Holy shit!” Tony pushes himself off the wall and pulls you into a hug. “How? Ace, that’s… that’s incredible!”

When you pull away, you explain your theory to him and Tony wholeheartedly agrees with you. “I mean, why not right? Whatever Loki did healed your brain and mended all the bone and tissue damage. I mean, _I_ think he’s an alien. But sure, we could say magic. Maybe he did some abracadabra and I mean, with the way you two were going at it -”

“Anthony!” You exclaim, cutting him off before he can divulge anything else. “Our guest doesn’t need to hear all the sordid details.”

John shrugs into his glass. “I don’t know, luv. I wouldn’t object to hearing some of it.” 

Before you can protest, Steve lifts both hands to signal everyone into silence. “Not that I don’t trust Mr. Constantine’s abilities, I just think that we should get you to the med bay? Let a doctor look at you?”

John pushes himself to his feet. “I think that’s a bloody brilliant idea. And while you do that, luv,” he gestures to Tony, “you can show me this contraption you’ve cooked up. See if it _can_ get me home.”

***

You pull your dress over your head with shaking fingers. You’re pregnant. You’re actually pregnant. The doctor wasn’t sure how it was possible after everything you’d been through, but you and your blueberry sized miracle are perfectly healthy. 

Steve knocks and pokes his head in as you slide your shoes back on. “What did she say?” He asks, his voice full of hope and anxiety. 

“I’m about seven or so weeks along. But I’m,” you shake your head and correct yourself, “ _we’re_ perfectly healthy. She’s never seen better prenatal vitals.” You blink away a few happy tears. “Stevie, we’re going to have a baby.” 

He wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of your head. “I love you so much, sweetheart. I’ve never been happier.” 

You thread your fingers through his and squeeze them gently. “I love you too. I… I can’t believe this is truly happening.” For a moment, you’re a little nervous. “Can we just wait a bit to tell everyone? I mean, Tony knows but I don’t want to jinx things. This already seems so impossible.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Steve squeezes your shoulders. “We don’t have to tell anyone until you’re ready.”

When you and Steve walk out of the med bay, Tony and John are excitedly talking back and forth at the other end of the hall. John must sense you, he looks up from Tony’s blueprints with a grin. “What’s the verdict then, luv? Does Ol’ Johnny still got it?”

“You do.” Steve smiles, releasing your hand to shake John’s. “Thank you, John.” He says softly. “You have no idea what this means to us.”

John shrugs off the acknowledgement with a careless grin. “I didn’t do a thing to get her like that, mate. All I did was stop her from having a drink.”

“All the same.” Steve assures him. “We wouldn’t have known to look into anything until you said it. So, thank you.”

You pull John in for a hug, laughing when he stiffens in shock. “I’m sorry for slapping you, John. It was just… that’s the last thing I ever expected you to say to me.”

John leans away from you with a smirk. “It’s perfectly alright, luv. S’not the first time a bird’s slapped me for telling her something she wasn’t expecting to hear.”

Tony raises a brow at you. “I’d offer to get you two all set up with baby stuff, but I doubt either of you would know what to do with any of this new baby technology.” He pulls out his phone with a smirk. “Maybe I can find a vintage pram online? We can start there.”

“How far along are you?” Natasha asks, leaning against the wall. Her sudden voice makes the four of you jump. 

John steps back, eyeing her with interest. “Ahh, do you have a gift for the mystic arts as well?”

Natasha pushes herself away from the wall with a smile. “No blondie, I’m a spy. I hear everything.” 

From over your shoulder, Bucky’s voice makes you let out a sigh. So much for not wanting to tell everyone right away. “Tony, did you just say a vintage pram?” He asks, sidling up next to Natasha. “You aren’t going to use that.”

Before you can say anything, John rolls his eyes as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. “Can’t keep a secret from this bloody lot, can you?”

Steve lets out a heavy sigh as his hands move to rest on his hips. “Apparently not.”

John leans over to your ear. “You’re gonna have a hell of a time hiding the second one. The redhead will know before you do.”

You whirl around, shock overtaking your features. “ _Second one_? John, we were hardly expecting this one, let alone being able to carry a second child.”

“Wait, wait wait.” Bucky raises his hands into the air as he tilts his head in confusion. “Carry a child? How?” He grins in your direction. “Stevie, did you knock Harvard up?”

“That’s what I’m trying to find out.” Natasha grins at him as she steps closer to John. “This mysterious stranger shows up and causes a commotion, she’s pregnant and everyone is hush hush about it.”

John rolls his eyes as he folds his arms across his chest. “I wasn’t trying to ‘cause a commotion’ as it were. I landed here by accident. And I’m the bloke who told her she was pregnant. S’not my fault they didn’t want to say anything about it. I’m a bloody tourist here.” 

“That’s fair.” Natasha laughs. “Listen, I have a call with Nick to jump on, I’m assuming you want to keep this quiet?” When you nod, she gives you a curt smile. “Can do.” She turns as she nears the door. “Congrats you two,” she inclines her head. “You deserve this.”

When John’s face takes on an overly interested expression, your eyes follow his line of sight to where Bucky is slipping out of his jacket. The dark gleaming metal of his arm gleams as he moves, making John shiver with delight. “So what’s your story there, handsome?” He asks, his eyes never moving from Bucky’s arm.

“I thought _I_ was handsome.” Tony laughs, stepping back to watch the display in front of him.

“Oh you are, there’s no doubt of it. But he’s got the metal arm, doesn’t he?” John raises his eyebrow as he smirks. “A bloke like me could get all sorts of nasty ideas looking at him.”

Bucky’s cheeks turn pink from embarrassment but he just rolls with John’s obvious flirting. “Uh, I’m James Barnes. But everyone calls me Bucky.” He extends his flesh hand in greeting. “And you are?”

John clicks his tongue as he unfolds his arms to shake Bucky’s hand. “John Constantine. But honestly mate, you can call me whatever you bloody well like.”

Bucky smiles, not sure what to make of the shorter man in front of him. “I’ll uh, take that under advisement. How did you know Harvard was pregnant?”

When you sigh, John turns to you quickly then shrugs at Bucky. “Yeah, sorry mate. I don’t think I want to get on your bad side, but I want to get on hers even less. Little lass is a bloody force. Ol’ Johnny’s got certain abilities and I can feel her frustration right now, clear as day.”

“Before I get bombarded,” you jump in, calling everyone’s attention to you. “We aren’t sure how this happened, but we think it has something to do with Loki’s magic when he healed me in the hospital. I’m a little over seven weeks along and we’re both perfectly healthy.”

You incline your head in John's direction. “As for our _mysterious stranger_ , he’s the one who told me. I was about to have a drink and he warned me not to. John is from way out of town, and when Loki gets here, I’m going to ask him about his magic and see if he can’t help John get back to where he’s from. Any other questions?”

Tony bites his cheek to keep from laughing. “Yeah, although this question is probably more directed at Houdini than you, Ace.” John rolls his eyes but gestures for Tony to continue. “What are they having? Can you tell? I bet it’s a boy.”

“ _Anthony_.”

John actually laughs as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Listen here, handsome. If I answer that, she will personally make certain that I never get home.”

“You don’t have to _say_ anything,” Tony argues, twisting his lips into a pout. “Just blink once if it’s a boy and twice if it’s a girl. That’s all I want to know, then I’ll stop asking questions.”

John turns to you, searching your face for whether or not he’s allowed to do anything. You’re not sure for a second if you want to know. You’ve been rapidly trying to wrap your mind around the fact that you're having a child in the first place. Do you want to know what you’re having only hours after finding out that you're pregnant? 

You steal a glance at Steve. From the excitement in his clear blue eyes, you’re sure that he’s dying to know what you’re having. He’d never say anything, that’s how wonderful a man he is. But when you stare at his face, you decide to give him this. With a small sigh, you nod at John, who in turn makes one very deliberate blink. 

A boy. You’re having a little boy. You can’t help the wide smile that forms on your lips. 

Steve’s eyes light up as Tony claps his shoulder. “Yes!” He laughs. “I knew it! Anthony is a good strong name, I’m just throwing it out there.”

You raise your eyebrow, pretending to be annoyed. “So is Howard.” 

“Come on, Ace.” Tony pouts, stepping closer to you. “Don’t be like that. Don’t get mad, you’re gonna have a bouncing baby boy!”

“I’m not mad, Anthony.” You shake your head. “You’re the one who pouted until John told you I was having a son.”

John nudges you playfully. “Oh, don’t be cross with him, luv. If the big man flirted enough, I’d tell him eventually. I’d just make him work for it.”

Bucky sighs dramatically. “Jesus, don’t tell him that. We can’t have him thinking he always gets what he wants. Tony’s already got enough of an ego.”

“From the looks of the two of you, I’d reckon you both get what you want all the bloody time.”

Tony has the decency to look mildly offended as Bucky seems to enjoy the compliment. “I mean, I _was_ quite the ladies’ man before the War. Honestly, even in the uniform. Sergeant Barnes was a title I wore proudly. The USO gals loved it.”

“Yeah.” Steve laughs, resting his hands on his hips. “Until Dottie caught you flirting with one of them at the base. You didn’t speak to another dame for a week.”

“Are you also not from this time, then?” John asks, unable to hide his surprise. “The lot of you are from the 1940’s?” When you nod and tell him it’s another long story, John pulls the cigarette from behind his ear and sticks it between his teeth. “How bout I go out and have a smoke, then you can tell me all about it.”

***

As you, John, and Steve make your way back to your house, John leans down towards you. “I know you didn't want to tell the team about the little nipper just yet. I can’t do much magic here, but I bet I could make ‘em all forget if you wanted me to. Quick little spell and they’ll be none the wiser.”

You consider it for a second before shaking your head. “Thank you, but no. I know Nat won’t say anything. As for Tony and James…”

“Tony has an honest face; he’s thrilled for you, luv.” John promises. “He loves you like family, just chuffed to see you well and truly happy. As for the dark brooding one with the exquisite arm, he’s over the bloody moon. He’s got a touch of sadness to him, now that I know his whole story. But you having a family gives him a bit of closure, I’d reckon.”

You glance up at him, surprised at his insight. “First of all, you are _obsessed_ with his arm. Honestly, it’s a bit troubling. Second of all,” you sigh softly as Steve steps up onto the porch in front of you. “I’m glad that James is happy.”

You smile up at your husband as he unlocks the door for you to all enter. “He and Steve have been friends for an incredibly long time. James has lost so much, we’re just glad to have him here with us; in our lives and the lives of our children.” That sounds so strange to say out loud, but you’ll be damned if it doesn’t make you a little giddy as it rolls off your tongue.

“That arm could do dangerously delicious things to a bloke with my, uh, proclivities.” John smirks, standing aside so you can walk in before him. “And he will be beyond chuffed when you ask him to be the Godfather for your second little nipper. Just as Tony will be when you ask him to be this one’s Godfather.”

As Steve goes to grab drinks for the three of you, John folds his leg over his knee and watches as you get comfortable across from him. “They’ll both say yes by the way.”

Steve hands John a glass of amber liquid and sets your glass of seltzer on the table next to his. You kiss his cheek as he settles in next to you. “I feel like I should be concerned by your preferences, John. They seem dangerous.” You reach for your drink. “And you keep saying second but I still can’t believe we’re having the first. You’re sure about this?”

“Oh, don’t worry about Ol’ Johnny, luv. I’ll be just fine. There’s plenty of unsavory characters back on my Earth that’ll indulge my quirks. And I’m never wrong about this. I’m wrong about plenty, believe you me, but when I get a feeling I’d do well to not ignore it.”

He takes a sip of his drink as he leans back. “You’ll have a second nipper for sure. And then -” He cuts himself off. “Maybe I should shut my trap. Don’t want you to know too much about your future now, do we?”

“Oh I’m going to worry about you, someone has to.”

Steve shifts beside you and clears his throat. “How often…” He shakes his head. “What did you mean by ‘and then’. You haven’t been shy since you got here, so why start now?”

John grins at you, the smile not reaching his eyes. “I don’t do well with people worrying about me, luv. I prefer to be alone. It’s loads safer that way.” 

His eyes move to Steve’s. “Shy’s got nothing to do with it. The first time I let something slip was to stop your wife from drinking. The second time was just to get a rise out of you. But I shouldn’t tell you too much about your future. Timelines aren’t solid, are they? I don’t want to risk altering it by telling you too much.”

Steve quirks an eyebrow in interest. “Do you often predict pregnancy? You aren’t psychic are you? And what could we possibly alter?”

As interesting as it’s going to be to find out what else John can do, you can’t stop from focusing on what he’s said to you. What exactly happened to him on his Earth to make him think that it’s safer to be all alone than to have people in his life that he trusts. “You can prefer to be alone,” you jump in softly. “That’s your preference. But everyone needs someone to worry about them.”

John’s eyes crinkle as he smiles this time. “I had someone to worry about me.” He admits, his face taking on a wistful expression. “But I ended it before… bollocks, before she got well and truly hurt.”

He shrugs, trying to hide the pain you see in the darkness of his eyes. “And not often big man, but your energy is quite strong. When I’m tuned in like I’m choosing to be with the two of you, I could tell quickly. You have something about you, the both of you. It could be your displacement in time, I’m not certain. 

“But whatever it is, that something makes me more attuned to changes in the energies around me; helps me see things here. My best mate can do what I do, but I’m the one who saw that his wife was expecting a month before either of them knew.”

“What do you mean by ‘both of us’?” You ask, curiosity seeping out of you. “You know that Steve and I are from the forties, but this baby isn’t. And if you don’t mind my asking, what happened? What exactly were you trying to forget with that spell of yours? Or _who_ , I should ask.” 

You don’t want to upset him, especially since he’s being so forthcoming with information. But you want to know. “Because if it was the girl you ended things with, I can tell you cared about her a lot. Loved her even. It’s in your eyes, John.”

John’s mouth twists downward, his lips a ghost of a frown. Whatever happened, whatever he did, hurt him as much as it hurt the girl he loved. When he lets out a shaky breath, he rolls his shoulders back to steady himself.

“Are you certain that's the story you truly want? Because you’re bloody right about that spell, I _was_ trying to forget a ‘who’. You may think differently about Ol’ Johnny when it’s done.”

At your surprised face, John shrugs. “And yes, you and your husband are from the forties. Now, you lot wouldn't call that magic here, but I bloody would. What changed the Captain, flows through the nipper growing inside you. I can feel it. He’s going to be as strong as his daddy, almost as brilliant as you, luv.”

Steve lets out a sharp dry laugh. “I’m sorry, are you telling me that my wife is going to give birth to a Super Soldier? Because I’m sorry John, but that’s not possible.”

“Oh, I’m not saying he’s going to be a Super Soldier.” John smirks, taking another sip of his drink. “But he’s going to be loads stronger than the average child.”

You glance at Steve quickly before gently smiling at John. “About the girl, John, if you’re willing to talk about her, I doubt it would change my, _our_ , opinion of you.”

“We’ll see about that.” John raises an eyebrow as he sits up straight. “It’s always about a lass, innit? She was brilliant and beautiful and so bloody cheeky. Kept me on my toes in a way I never could’ve imagined.” 

He gestures toward you with his glass. “Reminds me a little of you, luv. We were together for a few years and I taught her everything I knew. I fell right in love with her, I did. First time in my useless life I felt like I didn’t have to go it alone. Should’ve known then that I’d muck it all up.”

John finishes his drink and sets the glass on the table. “I had made a dangerous mistake when I was younger, you see. Got an innocent little girl killed and I’ve been trying to atone for it ever since. Last year, after searching for a bloody decade I got a chance to fix what I’d done. But to do it, I made a deal with a nasty demon.” 

He shifts his weight as he stiffens his shoulders. Guilt and regret weigh heavily in his eyes as he looks down and stares at his lap. “My girl would’ve gotten killed if I kept her close. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Did she know what happened?” You ask softly. “Oh John, you pushed her away, didn’t you? You said you taught her everything you know, so she could do magic as well? Did you not trust her to hold her own?”

John shakes his head, refusing to look up. “I was afraid to tell her, so I broke her heart. And I was a nasty bastard about it too. Told her I never loved her and put her on a plane back to the states.” Your hand flies to your mouth before you can stop it.

John nods as he reluctantly lifts his head. “I needed her to hate me so she wouldn’t come looking for me. I couldn’t let her get killed because of my stupidity. You don’t bloody understand. The things I deal with everyday are nasty little buggers. And the one I made the deal with was an awful wanker. He would've used her against me if he knew how much I cared about her.”

Steve threads his fingers through yours and squeezes gently. “If _my girl_ reminds you of yours, trust me, she could have held her own. Took me far too long to realize it, but this headstrong woman saved my life quite a few times. Maybe if you had given her a chance, your girl might’ve been able to help you out.”

John smiles then, a sad and mournful expression that doesn’t meet his eyes. “Mate, if anyone could hold their own in a fight, she could’ve. But she shouldn’t have had to. It wasn’t her fight. I’d already put her in danger countless times before. How could I ask that of her? Ask her to willingly risk her life, again, for a tosspot like me?” 

Steve’s expression hardens as he reaches for his glass. “John, what’s stopping him from using her against you now? You obviously still care a great deal for this woman.”

John lets out a soft huff. “I didn’t think about it like that, mate. But I kept an eye on her from afar, just to be sure. Rest assured, she hates me. No matter what I feel for her. That alone should keep her safe. That bloody demon won’t have a use for her if all she feels for me is contempt.” 

“You love her.” Steve insists. “You know you wouldn’t have to ask for her help, you’d tell her not to risk her life and she'd ignore you. She’d want to help you, no matter the cost. This one stowed away on a flight to Russia to help me with a mission. Love doesn’t always make sense, trust me on that one.”

That brings a small smile to John’s lips as he raises an eyebrow in your direction. “Oh you stowed away, did you? The two of you would be fast friends.” He lets out a heavy sigh as he leans against the pillows. “And you’re bloody right about that mate, love makes absolutely no sense. But still, I don’t reckon I could go back to her after what I did. If I were her, I’d slam the door in my bloody face.”

“Oh I did, and when they found out, I was told to stay on the plane. Lucky for everyone, I didn’t listen.” You share a private smile with Steve. “If it were possible, I’d say that I’d love to meet her. John, I can almost guarantee she wouldn’t slam the door in your face. Love like that doesn’t just go away. She’s probably hurt but I think if you explained all of this to her, the way you’ve explained it to us, she’d forgive you… in time.”

“I do wish you could meet her, she’s headstrong and stubborn. Like you apparently, stowing away on a bloody plane. I meant it, you’d be fast friends.”

John tilts his head, considering what you've told him. “And you’re right, I’d reckon. Love like this doesn’t just go away. It’s been over a year and a half and it still breaks my bloody heart to think about her. We had a great thing going and leave it to Johnny to muck it up. I never wanted to drag her into my mess.” 

You smile at him softly. “You need to stop blaming yourself, John. You did what you thought was right to protect her because of how much you love her. Was it the best thing? No. But I do really think she’d forgive you. Just don’t expect it to come overnight.”

“Oh, blaming myself is a cornerstone of my bloody personality, luv.” John laughs, casting his eyes downward. “And I’d give my life to protect her if she was in any kind of danger.”

You’re familiar with the mentality; you feel the same for Steve. 

“Then you need to tell her.” Steve urges him. “You keep telling us that your girl is like my wife, so I know there’s nothing you could do that would make her stop loving you.”

“I hope so, Captain. I truly hope so. If I ever get back home, I’ll track my girl down. See if she’ll at least speak to me. If she’s truly moved on, I’ll bugger off and never show my mug again. But if there’s a chance that she still feels the same and might be willing to help me, it’s worth the shot. I’ll tell her everything I can and this time, I’ll tell her that I love her.”

That shocks you; and with the way he speaks of this girl, you find it hard to believe. “You never told her that you love her? John, how is that possible if you were together for years? Stevie barely waited six months to say it.”

“Hey, hey.” Steve rolls his eyes playfully. “You said it back before I could finish my sentence.”

“She let it slip first, in the middle of a bloody argument no less.” John admits, smiling to himself. “Shut me right up, it did. I told her I felt the same about her, but love was a difficult word for me to say. Wasn’t exactly something I grew up hearing, dear old dad had choice words for his son, but love was never one of them. She didn’t push me, she knew how I felt. But I should’ve told her.”

“I understand fathers like that, believe me.” You tell him, reaching for Steve’s hand to ground yourself. “But you shouldn’t have let that get in the way of telling her how you felt. Knowing it and hearing are two very different things, John.”

“Oh luv, there’s plenty of things I shouldn’t do. But I reckon now, things will finally be right as rain. I can atone for my mistake and I’ll tell her that I love her more than I ever believed possible for a bloke like me. Known it from the moment she had a go with a spell and knocked me on my bloody arse. First go at it, too.”

You stifle a laugh, knowing that you’ve knocked Steve down a time or two when you’ve sparred. “I’m very glad to hear that you’re going to tell her. And with you being as handsome as you are -”

“Let’s not finish that one, darling. Remember Joe?” Steve starts to laugh, squeezing your hand gently. “My god, they are as alike as you say. When she knocked me on mine, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.”

John laughs as he crosses his leg over his knee. “Oh you think I’m a handsome devil, eh? Good to know I can fall back on my rakish looks if chatting with her doesn’t work.” He winks at you. “Do I want to know who Joe is then? You mentioned him earlier.” He glances at Steve with a smirk. “And Captain, I gotta say, I reckon you and I have a bloody type.”

You roll your eyes. “Joe was a reporter that my foolish husband thought was flirting with me. Both him and James were convinced of it, actually. But I swear to you. He wasn’t.”

“Sweetheart. He described, in detail, how it _felt_ to ride a motorcycle.” He lifts your hand to kiss the back of it. “And we must John, because even though we both ended up on the floor, I was completely smitten with her.”

John lets out a riotous laugh. “I would’ve paid good money to see this wisp of a lass knock you on your arse. Even if you both landed on the ground.” At your scrunched nose, he flashes a broad grin.

“Well, you are a truly charming creature, luv. A bloke would have to be mental not to try and chat you up. I was on your world for, what, five minutes and I tried. Now, I clearly wasn’t there but, any bloke that describes the feeling of riding a motorbike isn’t trying to acquaint you with the mechanics of the machine. More the mechanics of _his_ machine, if you catch my drift. I can assure you of that.”

Steve gestures toward John in excitement. You roll your eyes, stifling a laugh with your hand. “I’m not going to argue with you about this, Stevie. He really wasn’t trying anything. He was just being polite.”

“If she wasn’t pregnant, John,” Steve gestures to your stomach. “I’d have her show you. It’s worth the repeat performance.” He glances up, his eyes dancing with humor. “Darling, I love you more than anything, but you are so oblivious sometimes. That man specifically asked you ‘have you had the chance to feel anything that exhilarating before?’ after he described how the engine made the bike vibrate.” 

John tilts his head as he folds his arms across his chest. “Oh, he was chatting you up, luv. He was just better at it than you gave him credit for.” When you roll your eyes again, John turns to Steve and very obviously looks him up and down. “She can’t show me, but you’re more than welcome to show me, big man.”

Steve’s cheeks turn pink but he recovers quickly. “I fight hand to hand, so that means no magic from you and seeing as I’m almost twice your size, it wouldn’t be a fair fight.”

“Oh my dear Captain, it certainly wouldn’t be fair. But it would be fun. If you're not up for it, I reckon I could always go find James. I’m sure between his size and that bloody metal arm, he’d show Johnny a good time.” 

You raise your brow as your lips twist into a smirk. “John, I swear, you couldn’t handle James or his arm. You leave that poor boy alone.”

“Eh.” John laughs, scooting toward the edge of the cushions. “I think I’ll take my chances. Now, tell me Captain. How did he describe riding that bike?”

Steve runs a hand through his hair as he grins in John’s direction. “He said, ‘it’s a combination of exhilaration, fear, relaxation, and pleasure that changes you forever. The way it rumbles between your legs as you speed along the winding roads is both physically and emotionally pleasuring.’ 

“Mind you, she’s just smiling and nodding, all while sitting beside me and holding my hand. When he asked if she’d felt anything like that before, she said no. Told him that I tried to get her to ride my motorcycle once but she was too nervous.”

John lets out a low whistle as he fans himself with his hand. “Bloody hell Captain, I reckon I’m going to need a minute after that one. Somehow your voice got even deeper.” He smirks at you. “How on Earth do you manage to get out of the bedroom, luv?”

“For the first few weeks of our marriage,” Steve replies, smirking at you in a way that makes you squirm in your seat. “We didn’t.”

“Oh, I’ll bet.” John scoots back, resting against the cushions; clearly enjoying the way you and Steve react to each other. “To be a fly on that bloody wall. You make quite the gorgeous pair. But I will say, you are too innocent for your own good, luv. This Joe bloke was _absolutely_ making a pass at you.”

You cross your arms petulantly. “He wasn’t.” You protest lightly as Steve crosses one leg over the other. “Even when Joe took me for a ride, he was a perfect gentleman.”

“He did _what_ now?” Steve sputters, sitting up to stare incredulously at you. “When did this happen and why am I just hearing about this now?”

“You let him take you for a ride?” John asks, raising an eyebrow. “Interesting.”

You shift uncomfortably in your seat and stare down at your hands. You hadn’t meant to ever tell Steve about the ride with Joe, it just slipped out. It had happened after you had stormed out after an argument between the two of you; your first big one, in fact.

As you walked, letting yourself cool off, you had run into Joe. The two of you talked for a few minutes, but it wasn’t until you saw Don’s Luxury Liner just around the corner that you agreed to go for a ride on Joe’s bike. And once he brought you home, you had gone around the back to grab the spare key. Before you could get inside, Don had… 

Glancing up Steve, you know he’s waiting for an answer. You don’t want to get into specifics with him; especially since Steve still thinks it was your father that had grabbed and taken you that night. Those few days were terrifying and if you have your way, Steve will never know the truth of it.

“I was.. We had fought about you not letting me to Europe with Howard, and I left the base to cool off. Joe was there, finishing up an interview with the General. We got to talking and he offered to bring me home.” You lift your chin defiantly. “I’m not proud of it, but I was upset with you, so I agreed.”

With a small shrug, you glance at John quickly before meeting Steve’s eyes. “It’s honestly not a big deal. He had a girl, he was just being friendly.” He remains unconvinced, but you _need_ to get him off this subject. “Honestly Stevie, he… he wasn’t a threat so I…” You trail off, not knowing what to say that won’t make you more uncomfortable.

John must sense it, because he jumps in effortlessly. “This Joe bloke sounds like the type that always has a girl; a bloody rotation of ‘em in fact, but nothing did come of it, Captain. She clearly loves you, more than you know.”

Steve smiles, reaching across your lap to take your hand. “Sweetheart, I remember that fight and I’m sorry for the way it happened. But you know that I was only attempting to keep you safe. I’m sorry my love.” He leans forward, kissing your cheek. “And ultimately, I’m glad you didn’t listen.”

You turn your head to face him with a smile. “ _Ultimately_ , you’re always glad when I don’t listen.”

“I reckon I understand where the Captain’s coming from, luv. I know a thing or two about wanting to keep the woman you love safe. Especially when she’s stubborn and headstrong.” He playfully winks at you. “But, it should’ve been the Captain’s bike you rode first. In my opinion, anyway.”

You roll your eyes, feeling relaxed again. You aren’t sure why he did it, but John most certainly changed the subject for you. Feeling more grateful than you can put into words, you grin back at him. “I do love my husband, _and_ his bike. Quite honestly the best bike I’ve ever been on.”

“Pretty sure mine’s the only bike you’ve ever been on.” Steve laughs, pushing himself to his feet to grab the now empty glasses. Thankfully, he doesn’t see the way your shoulders tense up as he passes you. John does, tilting his head in question, but he stays silent.

“Don’t be so crass, Stevie.” You scold him gently, hoping that your admonishment will make him drop the subject.

At Steve’s scandalized face, John lets out a genuine laugh. “Well, I for one have enjoyed every bit of this chat. You _really_ do remind me of my girl. You don’t put up with any bullshit, do you?”

“I don’t.” You agreed, rising to your feet. “And we don’t use language like that around here, either.”

John raises his hands in surrender. “Ah, Tony did tell me that you’re quite the proper one when it comes to language. You’ll get no more funny business from me, then. Don’t want to wear out my welcome.”

“Speaking of Tony,” you say as you head into the kitchen with John on your heels. “After dinner, we should check on him and see if he’s had any luck with machine of his.”

“I was going to head over now, actually.” Steve steps into the kitchen. “You're already going to have an audience while you’re cooking, don’t want it to get too crowded in here.”

You nod, giving him a quick kiss before he slips out into the barn. John moves to grab the bottle of cognac from the back counter. “No.” You shake your head at him as you lean into the fridge. “We aren’t going to be doing that right now.”

John sighs, folding his arms across his chest. “Alright.” He lifts an eyebrow in suspicion. “So, what aren’t you telling the Captain, then? Because I know it's something.”

With tension settling into your shoulders, you carefully lean back out and treat him to a hard stare. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another cliffy.. ;) Til next week!


	84. Chapter Eighty-Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We added some new tags, because Steve is about to find out about Don... and everything you went through back in the 40's. It's a doozy... so take a deep breath and keep on reading...

“I truly don’t understand how you get any bloody work done, luv.” John’s staring out the window of your kitchen, eyes wide and interested. “Not with him chopping wood like _that._ ” 

You smile and lay his trench coat down on the table. Despite his protesting, you insisted on mending the pockets and giving it a good wash. You’ve promised him that once you’re done with it, it'll look good as new.

“I know,” you laugh, stepping up beside him to lean against the sink. “He really is distracting. Sometimes, I just lean against the wall and watch him work out. Honestly, I get nothing done with him around.”

John makes a scandalized noise in the back of his throat as Steve sets the ax down and rips a log apart with his hands. As sawdust and splinters go flying in every direction, John grips the edge of the sink.

“Fucking Hell.” He mutters, rubbing a hand down his face. “I’d let him do that to me any bloody day of the week.”

“Language.” You scold him, without taking your eyes off of the way Steve’s back muscles ripple and move under the fabric of his tee shirt. “But I don’t disagree with your sentiment. Like he said before, right after our wedding day, the two of us didn’t leave the house once for almost two weeks.”

Your voice takes on a soft and dreamlike quality as your mind filters through memories of your honeymoon. “Steve is very good at what he does. He’s uh, quite talented.” Your cheeks grow warm. “I’m a lucky girl.”

“I’ll bet.” John tilts his head as he laughs. “S’like I already said, to be a fly on your bloody wall, luv. If I can’t get home, I reckon I’ll accidentally walk in on you both. Just for science.”

You roll your eyes but let a soft giggle pass through your lips as you continue watching your husband effortlessly split firewood. With visible effort, you tear your eyes away from Steve’s back and sit on the stool near the island to resume mending John’s coat.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck here, John.” You apologize, folding the material over your arm so you can bring it to your laundry room. “It must be so strange to be on another earth without anyone you know or -”

“S’not so bad, luv.” John assures you with a casual shrug. “You lot are quite entertaining, as it were. And as you well know by now, no one is looking for Ol’ Johnny back home.”

Sadness furrows your brow as you gesture for him to follow along. Before you can say anything about it, John smiles and holds up his hands. “I didn’t intend for you to pity me, lass. I’ll come out of this alright. I always do.”

He folds his arms across his chest as his shoulders settle into a tense line. “Now, I’ve told you all about me, why don't you go ahead and tell Johnny a bit more about you.”

“I already told you our entire story.”

John shakes his head. “No, you had a life before you met the Captain, didn’t you?” He nudges you playfully. “Or did you just pop into existence fully grown?”

“No, of course not.” You lower his coat into the drum and close the lid. “But my life before I came to New York was highly unremarkable. I was born in Boston, Massachusetts, in 1920.”

“Ah, would you look at that.” John inclines his head. “What a small bloody world. My girl was from Boston. When we were together, I lived with her in her flat. We were only a few minutes away from one of the Universities. Harvard, I reckon.”

You give him a small smile. “And that’s where I went to school.” At his confused expression, you shrug and walk with him to the living room. “It didn’t happen often, but women were able to attend college in 1939. I was allowed to attend but only because it made my father look good. He was the Chief of Police at the time.” 

John sits next to you on the couch, one leg crossed over the other casually. “Coincidence again, luv. My girl’s mate? Well, mine too I reckon, is a detective for the Boston Police. Good Bloke; honestly the Captain reminds me of him quite a bit.” He tilts his head. “What’s this about your father then?”

“My father was a horrible man, John. Abusive and violent towards me and my mother. He hated me; hated that I wasn’t the son he so desperately wanted.” 

You suck in a steadying breath. “He’s not an easy subject for me to talk about even knowing that he’s been dead for almost eighty years.” You suppress a shudder before John can notice. “If he had his way, I would’ve been completely uneducated and married at sixteen.” 

“Bloody hell, luv.” John runs a hand down his face. “I’m sorry for your lot in life. That’s no way to grow up. I should know; sounds like my old man and yours would’ve been quick mates.”

You let out a bitter laugh as you glance out the window. “Oh, my father didn’t need any more friends like him. Trust me, Don was bad enough. I’m lucky that -”

“Who’s Don, then?” John asks and everything around you freezes. Your heart leaps into your throat as you stare blankly. You hadn’t meant to mention Don. You’d just been so caught up in talking that it just slipped. John’s too easy to talk to; you were stupid and let yourself be careless.

“He’s… he’s no one.” You stammer, glancing down at your hands. “Just someone my father knew. That’s all.”

John straightens up and scoots himself closer to you. “I reckon I know a thing or two about lying, luv and right now, you’re doing it to my bloody face. You just froze like I caught you in the act and you’re a pale as a ruddy ghost.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You say softly, glancing over your shoulder. “It was a long time ago. It uh, it doesn’t matter now anyway.”

“Course it matters.” John argues, resting a hand on your arm. “Whoever this bloke is, you’ve got history with him. Sensitive history I’d reckon, so it might be a good idea if you -”

You rise quickly, giving him a pointed stare. “John, I don’t want to talk about this. Please.”

“Come now, luv. It’s just you and Johnny here. I’m not going to repeat any of it. Why don’t you tell us what it was about him that’s got you all flustered and out of sorts. If he was ex, I know a thing or two about rubbish men like that. My girl had one; he was a nasty wanker that wouldn’t leave her alone.”

Letting out a nervous chuckle, you turn away from him and fold your arms. This isn’t a conversation you’ve ever wanted to have.

Cursing yourself for being stupid enough to slip up, you roll your shoulders to suppress the shudder that runs through you. “Don was a man who worked with my father. We, uh, we went on one date before I came to New York to work for Tony’s father.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t get on well?”

“No. It was awful.” As you speak, your voice drops to a near whisper. “He… he took me back to his apartment and he… he made me….” You glance away from him; the pity in his eyes makes yours start to water. 

Your bottom lip betrays you, trembling when you take a deep breath. “I didn’t want to but Don said that my father had promised him. And he was so much bigger than me, I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I tried to fight him, I swear. But then he handcuffed me and held me down.”

“ _Fucking_ _hell_.” John swears, leaning back against the cushions. “Scuse my language, luv. He forced himself on you, then?” 

When you can only nod, he swears again, anger darkening his eyes. “Surely this was before you met the Captain. He doesn’t seem like the type of bloke that would stand for anyone mistreating his girl.”

You settle down beside him, your arms still hugging your sides. “It was a different time, John. I didn’t have a right to say no, Don was taking what my father told him was his.”

You close your eyes, willing them not to water. “It was both before and after I met Steve. But it’s my own fault, I… I actually gave Don permission once and I paid the price for years.”

“What do you mean you gave him permission? He _handcuffed_ you. Nothing about that is your fault.” He raises an eyebrow in disbelief but his eyes are narrowed and angry. “And I’m sorry luv, but you don’t seem the type to enjoy that sort of thing, so I don’t reckon being trussed up and frightened was foreplay for you.”

Your throat works hard as you struggle to keep your voice even. “He, uh, he found me after I moved to New York, cornered me on my way home. He… he was going to force me to come home, so I told him that he could… he could do whatever he wanted so he wouldn’t drag me back. I’d never escape him again, I knew that.” 

Tears spill over as shame burns hot on your cheeks. “So you see? I gave him permission.” 

John shakes his head. “No, that’s not permission. That’s bloody coercion and the blighter knew that. Taking advantage of you like he was, what a bloody monster.”

You open your mouth to argue with him when his eyes widen in sudden understanding. “Hold up, luv.” He lifts his hand. “You said before _and_ after. You mean to tell me that bloke did this to you more than once?” 

Your answering silence is deafening. “The Captain didn’t know, did he?”

“No, he didn’t.” You answer firmly, unfolding your arms and fiddling with the hem of your dress. “He still doesn’t and that’s how I intend to keep it. Steve doesn’t need to know about the actions of someone who is long dead. It would only upset him.”

John narrows his eyes disapprovingly. “You’re pulling a page out of Johnny’s book, ain’t ya? Only answering part of the bloody question. That nasty bugger hurt you, that much is clear. I reckon the Captain should know, if only for you to have someone to lean on.”

His expression softens when he hears you sniffle. You don’t want to cry, but after keeping this to yourself for as long as you have, speaking it out loud is terrifying but oddly cathartic. At least if you tell John, you know he’ll eventually go home and this will never have to come up again.

“How bad was it?” He asks, pulling you back from your thoughts. “How long did this go on?”

“He… God, it was years, John.” You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand. “If I tried to fight him, he’d hurt me. Or threaten the ones I loved and… I knew he was serious… I…” Closing your eyes, you let out a shuddering breath. “He killed a man once.” 

“Bloody hell, you mean in the line of duty killed a man?” When you shake your head, John crosses his arms, letting out a small scoffing sound. “You dealt with him alone, then? You and my girl really are alike. You shouldn’t have… The Captain would’ve helped you. He loves you, he would’ve stopped whatever was happening.” 

Narrowing your eyes furiously, you recall Don’s multiple threats to Steve’s life. “I dealt with Don alone because I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt because of him.” 

John tilts his head as he runs a hand through his already messy hair. “Lass, if you had just told the Captain -”

“No. John, you don’t understand. A man tried to help me when Don was accosting me in an alley and Don shot him in the head. He turned the pistol on me and told me that anyone who got in the way would meet the same end. That Steve may have been a super soldier, but even he wouldn’t survive a bullet between his eyes.”

You wrap your arms around yourself protectively. “It was my fault and I couldn’t let anyone else get hurt so I let him… I let him do unspeakable things to me because I had too much to lose if he ever…” When you trail off, you squeeze your eyes tightly to slow the tears pouring down your face.

“That bastard _never_ would’ve touched you again if you had just told me.” Steve snarls from behind you. “Threat to my life or not.” 

Your eyes fly open as you scramble to your feet. “Steve, I… Uh, wha- what are you… How much did you hear?” 

He walks into the room, eyes narrowed furiously. “ _Everything_. I heard _everything_.” 

“It’s not what you think, I...” You stumble over your words, too nervous to properly form a coherent sentence. 

“ _Stop_.” Steve holds up a hand to silence you making you close your mouth and stare at your hands anxiously. “Just stop.”

John stands, stepping closer to you. “Listen mate, just let the lass explain. I reckon s’not as bad as -”

“John, you need to give us a minute.” Steve orders, motioning you toward the front door. “I need to speak with my wife.” John shrugs and lifts his hands in surrender before crossing his leg over his knee on the couch.

Silently, you follow Steve outside, the pit of anxiety in your stomach growing with each step. You both sit on the porch swing and after thirty long seconds, Steve speaks first. “I don’t even know where to start,” he sighs, resting a hand on your knee. 

He’s angry. _Of course he’s angry, why wouldn’t he be?_ “I… I’m sorry.” You stammer, averting your eyes. “I… I just -”

Steve softens his gaze just a bit when he sees your lip tremble. “I’m not angry, I… Just tell me what happened, I need you to be honest with me.” He doesn’t ask, he doesn’t have to. With the way he’s staring at you right now, you couldn’t lie to him if you wanted to.

Dread settles in the pit of your stomach. Despite his soft reassurances that he’s not upset, you can see fury simmering in his eyes; a sea of anger he keeps tight control over threatening to overwhelm him.

Once he hears everything, the darkest memories you’d do anything to forget, you know he’s going to think differently of you and what you’ve done. 

Letting out a shaky breath, you stare down at your hands in your lap. “Don Whitmore was a Captain under my father. He was sweet at first, always kind to me whenever I stopped by the police station to bring my father dinner or things from home.” 

You bite your lower lip anxiously. “He was handsome, well educated. I was so excited when my father told me that Don wanted to take me out. But then…”

When you fall silent, Steve lifts your chin with his index finger. The action usually brings you comfort, right now you feel pinned in place by his stare. “ _T_ _hen?_ Darling, talk to me, please.” 

“He… We went back to his apartment.” You swallow hard, too nervous to look him in the eye for more than a few moments. “And when I told him that I didn’t want to go in, he pulled me from the car and forced me up the stairs. I just wanted to go home, but he refused to bring me.” 

“Was this when he…” Steve shudders, scrubbing his free hand down his face. “Was this the night he handcuffed you? Did he…? I mean, you couldn’t fight him off. I..” 

“It was and… he did.” Nodding, you blink away a few stray tears. “He ripped my dress, held me down.” Your breath hitches as the memory unfolds in your head, clear as it was the night it happened.

“And when a neighbor knocked and interrupted him, he told me that I had better pretend like nothing was wrong. He told her that I had burnt dinner, made me promise that I was fine.” 

Steve leans back, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. “ _Handcuffed_?! The neighbor couldn’t help?”

“What was she going to do, Steve?” You shrug helplessly. “She was older and he was a police officer. She asked if I was okay and he told her that I had burnt dinner and fallen, that that was how my dress ended up ripped. My hands were behind me; I didn’t turn around, she must’ve just thought I was shy.”

At his horrified expression, you shake your head and carry on. “And even if she did call the police, everyone knew who I was. Knew who my father and Don were. There was no one who would’ve helped me.” 

“My God, sweetheart. I can’t imagine how terrified you must’ve been. How did… How did you get home? What happened?” Steve anxiously rubs the sides of his beard as he speaks. “Your father was a monster but surely he -” 

You cut him off with a sigh. “Don finally got tired of hearing me cry and once he’d taken what he wanted, brought me home. My father was… God, he was furious. When I tried to explain what Don had done, he didn’t care. He told me that I was only good for what was between my legs and that I belonged to Don, so he could do as he pleased.” 

Steve swears under his breath. “Every time I think that son of a bitch can’t get any worse, he proves me wrong. He didn’t care that the bastard had cuffed you and forced himself on you? What about your mother?” 

“No, he didn’t. After he punished me for trying to say no to Don, he left me handcuffed the rest of the night. And when I asked her the next morning, my mother told me that I was a disappointment. That this was all happening to me because I couldn’t just do as I was told.” 

“He left you like that? I…” He lets out a shuddery breath. “How did he… punish you?”

You give him a pointed stare. “You know the answer to that.”

His face twists in anger as your words sink in. “You told John this went on for _years_. How… You were states away. You got _away_ from him. I just don’t understand.” 

“He followed me.” You say softly, suppressing the shiver that runs down your spine despite the warmth of the late summer air around you.

“I was walking home from the library one night and he grabbed me, pulled me into an alley. He actually told me that he had missed me. Then he told me there wasn’t anywhere I could go where he wouldn’t find me.” 

“This happened in New York?” 

You nod slowly. “Yes. It wasn’t long after I arrived. I still don’t know how he found me because I told no one where I was going. You know that Dottie helped me leave in the middle of the night.” 

“He was a police officer. He must’ve had resources. Did he… how badly did he hurt you?” When you let out a small sob, unable to keep your tears from falling, Steve takes a deep breath, his expression unreadable, before leaning forward to wrap his arms around you. 

You press your face against Steve’s chest, letting the rise and fall of it calm your erratic breathing. “Don wanted to make sure that I didn’t forget who I belonged to. He… hit me a few times, tossed me around.”

Your voice catches, making you stumble over your words as you pull away from him. “He was.. He was so much bigger than me, he knew I couldn’t fight back.”

“Who you belonged to? Jesus Christ, he didn’t _own_ you.”

Covering your face with your hands, you silently will your heart to stop thudding viciously in your chest. “That was the night he threatened to bring me back home and I’m sorry Stevie, I told him he could… he could do whatever he wanted as long as he let me stay in New York.” 

You dare to peer out at him through your fingers, your tears make him blurry and unfocused. His eyes are closed, as if what you’re telling him is too much even for him. 

“He forced me to bring him back to Dottie’s and he… god, it was as awful as it had been that night in his apartment. He threatened to leave me handcuffed to the headboard, for Dottie to find. He actually smirked when I struggled to free myself. He… he made me beg to be uncuffed, said he liked hearing how I sounded when I was scared.”

Wiping your eyes with your hand, you sniffle and turn your head to stare at the wooden planks on the ground. “After he finished, he slapped me across the face and told me he couldn’t wait to see me again. I cried in my room until Dottie came home. There was no hiding the bruises and scrapes and I was too exhausted to try.”

Steve’s sharp intake of breath makes fresh tears slide down your cheeks. “So, I lied to her. Said that I had gotten robbed on the way home but I didn’t see the man’s face. She tried to get me to call the police but I refused, begged her to just let it go… Because Don had threatened to hurt _her_ if I got anyone else involved. He said he had been watching the house, waiting for a time to get me alone.” 

His hand hovers over your leg, as if a thought just occurred to him. “Did you know me then?” He asks, the question sounding more like an accusation than anything else. “Had we met yet?”

“No.” You assure him. “It was a month before I met you. Dugan had just started helping me learn to defend myself but I… I froze when I saw Don. I couldn’t do anything to stop him. I’m sorry.” 

Steve leans forward and tucks a stray curl behind your ear that the breeze has pulled loose. “You should have told me, why… I could’ve stopped this. I just... sweetheart, I met him, that day at the base?” 

His face twists, like he’s going to be sick. “We had a full conversation, I _liked_ him. And I didn’t see what he was doing to you. What kind of man was I to not see what was right in front of my goddamn face? This bastard was hurting the woman I loved and I couldn’t see it.” 

When he meets your eyes, the blue in his is dark and piercing. “When we were together, how did he…” 

Your throat works hard for a second, swallowing down your anxiety as you keep your gaze steady. “When you were overseas, he would come by when Dottie wasn’t home. When you were home, it was like a game to him. Finding ways to get me alone, despite me trying to never be.” 

“And when he did?” 

You fight down a shiver as your stomach turns. “It all depended on his mood. Mostly, he would force himself on me. Other times, he would just spend hours in the house; watching me or making threats. Don loved that I was afraid of him and he liked hurting me.” 

Your cheeks burn with shame as you cast your eyes to the floor. “The night he found out that you and I were going steady, he left a mark on my face because he hit me so hard. It had healed by the time you came home; I told Howard that I fell, cut my cheek.” 

You’ve been dreading what you have to tell him next. The day Don found out that you had been intimate with Steve was possibly one of the worst days of your life. Don was so furious with you; at the time, you were certain he was going to kill you. He almost had. 

With a shaky breath, you blink quickly to allow your tears to fall down your cheeks. When Steve sees the fear on your face, he cups your cheek. “What is it, sweetheart?”

Without meeting his eyes, you force yourself to continue. “That was nothing compared to how furious he had been when he found out we had spent the night together.” 

“What did he do to you?” Steve asks, his anger barely controlled. When you steal a glance up, his jaw is clenched tightly as he struggles to keep himself calm.

Your voice is barely above a whisper now; you don’t want to tell Steve, but you know you don’t have a choice. If you could’ve spared him from all of this, for the rest of your life, you would have. If you had just been more careful.

“Do you remember the car accident?” You whisper, resting your hand on his leg. “The one that happened when Don brought me home from the base?” 

Steve connects the dots quickly, pushing himself to his feet as he understands what you’re afraid to tell him. “It _wasn’t_ a car accident, was it?” When you shake your head, he swears loudly, rubbing the sides of his beard with his hand. 

“Jesus Christ, I _asked_ him to bring you home. I didn’t even see how afraid you were. He… he did that to you? You were _so_ banged up and bruised; I had no reason to not believe that it was an accident. For God’s sake, you still had blood on your face. And I wasn’t able to leave the base for what, four more hours? He had you alone for all that time.” 

You can only nod, too ashamed to actually answer him.

“And then he waited at the house and lied right to my goddamned face about it. The son of a bitch smiled and handed you to me, battered and bruised. He knew what he’d done.” Steve snaps, his hands resting angrily at his hips.

“ _Fuck_.” He swears, making you flinch at his outward show of anger. “How did I not see it then?”

“Because I did everything I could to keep you from seeing it.” You rise to your feet and walk over to him, your hands threading nervously through your hair.

“Stevie, you have to understand; Don had connections, his eyes were everywhere. You heard what I told John, he told me that if I didn’t behave, he’d put a bullet in your head. What do you think I would have done if I lost you like that; to _him?_ I had no reason to not believe him.”

Steve raises an eyebrow in disbelief **.** “Sweetheart, don’t you think I would have figured out a way to stop him? I would’ve risked _anything_ to spare you from this. At the very least, Buck and I would have -”

You cut him off with a frustrated huff. “Steven, _listen to me_. When he realized that he couldn’t threaten me anymore, Don threatened everyone I loved. Howard, James, Dottie, _you_. I couldn’t have lived with myself if he hurt any of you.”

“Did Howard know?” He hisses, and you can tell from the anger you see on his face that he needs the answer to be no. “Did Dottie… did she know about any of it?” 

You shake your head, afraid to lie to him again. “I think Howard had an idea, but he never pushed me to explain. When Don showed up at the hospital, right before my father died, he got me alone. Howard got in between us; when Don got mouthy and disrespectful, he did too. I’d never been more grateful for Howard’s brashness.” 

Steve lets out an uncertain laugh. “Me either, apparently.”

You aren’t sure what to say to that. You hope that Steve doesn’t take Howard’s actions the wrong way. Howard meant safety; he was possessive enough to keep Don away and with the way he felt about you, you never had to be alone. 

“Dottie didn’t find out until the very end,” you explain with a small shrug. “And honestly, it was an accident.” 

Steve inclines his head in question as he reaches for your hand. He pulls you close to him and wraps his arms around your shaking shoulders. 

“She wasn’t supposed to be home. But she… she finished her photo shoot early and Don was…” You stare down at your feet. “She walked in, must’ve heard me crying. She had her gun, but Don must’ve heard her coming because he pulled his. He pressed it against my head and told her that if she didn’t put hers down, he’d kill me.”

Steve’s arms tense around you, making you want to pull away from him. “She was scared, Steve. I could see it when she actually listened to him. She put it down and he still cocked his gun to prove that he’d kill me without blinking.” 

Using the heel of your hand to wipe your eyes, you inhale deeply before continuing. “She was able to shoot him in the arm and when she told him she wouldn’t miss a second time, he left.” You pull your lower lip between your teeth. “It was the last time I ever saw him.” 

Steve stays silent for a few moments, the wheels turning in his head as he processes all of this. You wanted to spare him from this pain; spare him from having to see just how awful and out of hand you had allowed things to get. Don was your cross to bear, and at the time, you had handled him the best you could. 

“I’m sorry if, by not telling you, I’ve made you angry, Stevie.” You whisper, blinking away fresh tears. “I just. My father was already a monster. I guess I was afraid that if you knew about Don in the beginning, you would’ve thought that I wasn’t worth the trouble. Don told me no one would want to risk going against him, I wasn’t worth it to anyone but him. I didn’t want you to have to -”

Steve leans away from you, cutting you off with a small shake of his head. “Don’t you ever think, _for a second_ , that I wouldn’t have done whatever it took to get you away from him. I would’ve risked my life, defied direct orders, if you had just told me what was really going on. The whole time, I thought your father was the only threat -” He chokes himself off, slamming his hand quickly against the railing. 

“It _wasn’t_ your father was it?” As his hands move to his hair, his eyes narrow furiously. “Fuck. _Fuck_. How stupid do you think I am?”

When he swears, you flinch without meaning to and step back from him. “Stevie, you’re not - What are you talking about?”

“It was Don who took you, when you went missing after our fight.” Steve grinds out, his shoulders tensely set in a hard line. “Not your father.”

 _Oh God._ When Don kidnapped you from Dottie’s house, you were certain you’d never see Steve or Dottie ever again. You'd do anything now to keep from talking about it.

Once he’d taken you, you’d had no choice. Don had brought you back to his apartment and kept you there for three days. You were terrified; thinking that each time he hit you, he was going to finish you off. When he finally had his fill of you, Don had knocked you out and dropped you off at your father’s so he could keep watch while Don secured a marriage license.

That was how Steve had found you; handcuffed to the radiator and paralyzed with fear. He’d wiped the dried blood from your face and vowed to get you away from your father’s house. Once he’d saved you, you hadn’t told him that it wasn’t just your father. 

You were just so happy to get away, and if you’re being honest with yourself, you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell Steve about what you believed you’d allowed to happen to you.

“No… I… Steve, it’s -”

With a raised hand and a betrayed expression in his eyes, he cuts you off. “Don’t lie to me. You’ve kept this from me for almost eighty years. And if I hadn’t overheard you telling John, a _stranger_ compared to me, I never would have known.”

“Steve, I just.. I didn’t want you to hate me.”

As he folds his arms over his chest, he shakes his head, visibly trying to rein in his mounting anger. “Sweetheart, why would I have hated you for something you’d had no control over? Don’t insult me by thinking otherwise. But it _was_ Don, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t push this, please. It won’t change anything, Stevie. It’ll just make you angry.” You push back, looking down and away from him. 

“I deserve to know.” He leads you back to the porch swing, holding your hand as you both sit.

You can’t argue with that. Steve’s always been so understanding, so endlessly supportive. You owe him this, owe him the honesty that you’ve been hiding from him since you met. Swallowing back a sob, you tell him about how you’d accepted the ride from Joe because you saw Don’s car outside the base. 

Once you were moving, you were certain you’d lost him. So, when you got home, to Dottie’s, you’d gone around back to grab the spare key from under the mat because you’d forgotten yours at the base. You never made it to the door. 

Don had grabbed you from behind; you remember not being able to breathe and then nothing. When you came to, you were handcuffed in Don’s front seat and more than halfway to Boston. You’d begged and cried for him to bring you back. You promised him whatever he wanted if he would just let you go. 

You still remember the shiver that ran through you when he told you that now that he had you, he’d _never_ let you go. You belonged to him. If Don had his way, you were never going to see Steve or any of your friends ever again. 

The days that followed still haunt you, no matter how much you try to push them down. Don had kept you tied up; forcing himself on you when he saw fit, hurting you when you tried to fight back. You were convinced that he was going to end up killing you and with Steve not knowing where you’d gone off to, there was no hope for a rescue. 

You don’t know when you started sobbing, but tears track their way down your face as you meet Steve’s eyes and tell him that the only reason he found you was because Don had brought you to your father’s. He’d decided to legally bind you to him; making you his wife would ensure that Steve would never get to touch you again. 

“I thought I was going to be forced to marry him. And I wouldn’t have survived that because… because I knew, I knew eventually he’d just get tired of me and he’d get rid of me. Or… I thought I’d never see you again. I didn’t expect you to find me… to, to walk through that door.” 

You sniffle and wipe your tears with the heel of your hand. “But you did, Steve... and I just… I was so terrified and in so much pain. You just picked me up and carried me out. You didn’t push me, I knew you thought that it had been all my father.”

Steve’s eyes harden. “You ensured I had no reason to think otherwise.” 

You sniffle at the harshness in his tone. “You’re angry with me.” You whisper, dropping your head into your hands. “I’m sorry I -”

“I’m angry at the situation.” He pushes himself up and starts furiously pacing. “I need a minute to process all of this. I didn’t realize how close I came to losing you, more than once. And the fact that you _never_ told me -”

“You know why I didn’t.” You protest through your tears. “Steve, I was terrified that he’d hurt you. Or Dottie, or Howard and James. I couldn’t let him.”

Steve’s mouth presses into a thin line. “Did you _really_ think so little of yourself? What do you think _I_ would have done if anything had happened to _you_? You keep saying how dangerous Don was, and I absolutely believe you. But you didn’t have to deal with him alone and you _chose_ to.” 

You watch him through teary eyes as he runs his hands through his hair. “He was an absolute _monster_ ; he _liked_ hurting you. War or no war, I wouldn’t have let him do what he…” Steve trails off, his eyes wide and mouth slack jawed in horror. 

“Steve?” You ask softly, standing and closing the distance between the two of you. 

Steve pulls away before you can reach him, holding up a hand to keep you at a distance. “I’m no better than he is.” He shakes his head, hands planted firmly at his hips as he glares at you. “I’m…Jesus Christ, after what I did to you; treated you the way he did, how could you see me as any different than he was? I was a _monster."_

Tears stream down your face again. The morning after Steve had raped you, you had compared him to Don. In your head, at that moment, he was worse. You had never trusted Don, always knew that he was capable of horrendous things. You had never, in a million years, thought Steve would hurt you the way he did.

But ultimately, it was different. Steve had been under the influence of something that made him evil. Don just was. 

“No, Steve.” You plead softly. “That was different. What that serum did to you? You were never in control, you didn’t want to hurt me like that. I knew that you loved me. That’s why I fought so hard to save you; to bring you back to me.” 

You step in front of him to stop his pacing. He grips a wooden post near the railing as he turns to stare at you, his eyes filled with shame and hostility.

“Don _never_ apologized.” You whisper, resting your hand on his arm. “He enjoyed hurting me, keeping me afraid of him. He never felt bad for what he did to me because he didn’t feel like he was doing anything wrong. He thought he was taking what was rightfully his.”

Steve’s fingers squeeze around the post, snapping it in half. You flinch and shrink away from him when wood splinters around you. “It doesn’t matter.” He snaps, tossing it furiously to the ground. 

When his fingers suddenly wrap around your upper arm, he spins you around to face him again. “I _raped_ you. I tried to kill you, more than once. I told you, I could feel it. I _wanted_ to kill you, to see the light go out in your eyes. I liked seeing you afraid of me.” He closes his eyes as you start to sob. “I’m worse than Don, you trusted me to never hurt you and I loved every second of it. How could you not -”

“Steve, please -” You’re cut off by sudden movement to your left. 

Fresh panic rips through you when Steve goes flying off the porch, knocked back by unseen hands. When he attempts to push himself up off the ground, you see real fear in his eyes when he can’t move. 

A figure materializes with his back to you, his boot planted firmly on Steve’s chest. “No!” You shout, racing down the stairs to help him. “Please, don’t hurt him!”

When Steve looks up, you see recognition, then a wave of dread pass over his face. “It’s not what you think.” He begs, his voice strained under the weight of the black leather boot. “Please, let me explain.”

Steve’s assailant shakes his head. “I do not think so, Captain. Now hold still, I’m going to enjoy watching the light leave _your_ eyes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, it's basically all out in the open... finally. Don was a proper bastard and he was a secret you'd had to live with for so long. Told you John had a purpose for being here, we needed to get this out. Steve's having an interesting reaction and it's about to get worse.
> 
> And Steve's mystery assailant, wonder who that could be...


	85. Chapter Eighty- Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you saw correctly. We've added another five chapters to this epic tale! We just aren't ready to let these guys go. We're too attached. Hopefully, y'all are too :)

“Loki! Stop!” You reach Steve as soon as Loki leans down to pull him to his feet. “Don’t hurt him, he hasn’t done anything wrong.”

With an audible growl, Loki turns to face you, keeping a tight grip on the collar of Steve’s shirt. “I heard the loathsome things he was saying. How can you allow him anywhere near you?” 

Loki shakes Steve violently as he steps closer to you. “This _monster_ vowed to keep you safe, but clearly I failed to specify whom he needed to keep you safe from. Did he really do the things he claimed?”

“Loki, listen to me.” Steve’s fingers attempt to pry Loki off him. “I love her, you don’t understand -” 

When Loki flicks his free hand, Steve goes flying in the air. Loki grins, slow and predatory, as he stalks forward toward your husband. Knowing the damage he can inflict, you rush forward to help Steve to his feet. Before you can reach him, a hand circles your wrist and pulls you back. 

“Oh, that’s out of the bloody question, luv.” John argues, stepping back with you. “Are you mad? You can’t bloody well get in the middle of _that._ ”

Furiously, you try to yank your hand away. “John, let go of me. _Right now_.” At his incredulous expression, you huff impatiently and point at Steve. “Loki will kill him. I need to stop this.”

John’s grip tightens around your wrist. “Yeah and if I let go of your hand, there’s a chance you and that little nipper get well and truly bollocked. So, we wait for help. That saucy AI of yours called for Stark the moment the Captain got knocked off your porch.” 

You hear Steve swear when Loki punches him in the jaw. Steve swings back, hitting Loki in the chest. While Steve has strength behind him, Loki has speed. He recovers quickly, only to turn around and knock Steve back onto the ground with a thud.

“Loki, Steve hasn’t hurt me! Please, I need you to listen.” Loki pauses his assault just as Tony lands between the two of them with a thud. “Stop hurting him, please.” You beg, still attempting to pull away from John. “It was an accident.”

Whirling around to face you, Loki’s eyebrows fly up. “What has he done to you that you’d excuse his behavior as an accident? Has he hurt you so badly you do not dare to defy him?”

Steve pushes himself up on one elbow, his breath coming out rough and erratic. “Goddamnit, I didn’t mean to hurt her! You have to let me explain.”

“Shut up for a second, Cap.” Letting his helmet suppress away from his head, Tony lifts his hands while firing up his repulsor. “I don’t want to shoot either of you right now, so let’s everyone just take a deep breath and cool our jets before I have to.”

“Get out of my way, Stark.” Loki snaps, letting his hands start to glow emerald. “I gave my word to the Captain that I would eliminate anyone who dared to harm that girl. I do not break my promises.”

Tony whirls on Steve, his eyes narrowed furiously. “What’d you do now?”

“For Christ’s sake, I haven’t _done anything_.” Steve growls, pushing himself to his feet. He turns to face Loki, lifting his chin defiantly. “Loki, if you’d just listen to me, you’d understand that what you heard was out of context.”

“What could possibly be out of context about wanting to murder the woman you claim to love? Because I heard every vile word you uttered. I should start by ripping out your tongue, Captain and then feeding it to you.”

Steve wipes the blood from his lip with the back of his hand. “You can try.”

John moves in front of you, protectively shielding you. “Oi, big man. Maybe we take a step back and let your wife explain, ey? Because I don’t know _exactly_ what happened with you lot, but I’d reckon that -”

***

And that’s it. Something in Steve long held together with duct tape and safety pins, shatters. His steady resolve, built up from years of being told to get the job done, make the tough call and deal with the fallout after, just snaps. His world starts to fall out from underneath him as he narrows his eyes furiously. 

“Oh, you don’t?” Steve snarls, side stepping Tony until he’s mere feet from where John stands with you. “Because she’s told you everything else. My wife has told _you_ , a complete stranger who doesn’t even _belong_ here, more than she’s comfortable telling me.”

Steve watches the effect his words have on you; your face twists in anger, your shoulders tense as you glare at him. “Steven, don’t speak to him like that. John’s been a good friend, to both of us. You know how hard it is to suddenly be in different surroundings, thinking you can’t trust anyone. He’s been nothing but -”

“Well, you certainly trust _him_ , don’t you? It’s _always_ someone else; another person you trust more than you trust me. First, it was Howard, then his goddamned son. Now _him_. You’d rather talk to anyone else aside from me. Honestly, I don’t know why you bothered to marry me if you’d rather hide things from me than tell me the truth.”

“Woah, Cap.” Tony jumps in, attempting to further diffuse the tense situation. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting, just a bit? There’s no need to act like some kind of monster.”

Forcing out a dry, bitter laugh, Steve folds his arms across his chest. “Go to Hell, Stark.” He snaps, whirling around to face you. “Why don’t you ask my wife why she’d rather let some _monster_ rape her for years than let me get involved. I’m sure she’d tell _you_ all about it.” 

Steve’s eyes track Loki’s body as he silently spins on his heel and closes the distance between him and you. “What is he saying, pet?” 

“ _Jesus_ _Christ,_ Steve.” Tony swears, turning to you with wide, incredulous eyes. “That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?”

“No.” He growls, turning his back to you. “It’s the Goddamn truth.”

Steve watches your face crumble; your eyes fill with unshed tears as your mouth opens and closes, unable to find your voice to defend yourself. For a second, he regrets his words, knowing that they’ve hurt you. But now that he’s said them, he realizes how much _he’s_ been hurting. 

You lied to him, _for years_. It’s not like Steve didn’t know how evil your father was, he bore witness to it when he took you home to grieve your mother’s death. But he had _no idea_ about Don. And the fact that you _willingly_ allowed that bastard to violate you the way he did, rather than tell the man you supposedly loved, speaks volumes about how much you don’t actually trust him. 

Because at the end of the day, that has to be it. You don’t trust him. Why else would you choose to confide in Tony, the son of the only real rival for your affection, and John, a complete stranger in comparison to him? 

How did you expect him to react to that kind of news? Of course he wants to be there for you, to help you through this. He always will be. But you didn’t tell him because you wanted to, you told him because he accidentally eavesdropped on your conversation with John. 

And if your face in that moment was any indication, if you were able, you’d have turned back time to ensure he never overheard you in the first place.

Your omission broke his heart. You clearly didn’t feel like you could talk to him about what Don had done. So, you kept it a secret and carried that pain for the entirety of your relationship. Then, while under the serum’s influence, he had done the same Goddamn things to you, without hesitation. 

No wonder you had such a hard time forgiving him. He’s sure that each time he had laid a hand on you, you saw Don’s face instead of him. Every cruel thing he said to you filtered through your head in that bastard’s voice. 

Everything feels too much; too loud, too bright, the air around him too thick to take a breath. Before the Super Soldier serum, asthma had hindered every action he took. He remembers that oppressive weight, the restrictive feeling of not being able to pull enough oxygen into his lungs. This feeling now, this overwhelming tightness in his chest, is too reminiscent of that weakness.

He hates it.

Steve needs to be anywhere but here and his feet are taking him toward the house before he even realizes he’s moving. 

***

“Wait!” You call out, finally tearing yourself away from John. “Steve, please, wait! Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving.” Steve responds, not bothering to turn around. “Clearly, I’m not needed here.”

“Hold up. Cap, don’t you think you should stick around and get to the bottom of this with us? You’re kinda leaving in the middle of something here. Ace needs you.”

“She doesn’t. I’m leaving in the middle of me being accused of something I had no control over, _again_. So it’s in your best interest Stark, that I don’t stick around.”

He thinks you don’t need him? You have to get Steve to see reason and quickly. Maybe if you can get Tony to back off, Steve can take a breath and think logically. “Tony, just give him a minute to cool down. It’s a lot to handle.” 

“I don’t need to cool down.” Steve snaps, pushing open your front door. “You don’t understand, do you? I could’ve _handled_ this then, and I’m _handling_ it now. What I can’t handle is all the goddamn lying. You have no idea how much this has broken my heart.” 

Your hand flies to cover your mouth so he doesn’t see your lower lip trembling. “Steve, I… I didn’t -”

Steve cuts you off as he furiously pushes past you. “You’re right, you didn’t.” When he turns around, the soft blue of his eyes is cold and distant. “You need to realize what your decision to hide this from me has done to us.” 

You watch him storm into the house as John, Loki and Tony all stare at you in wide eyed confusion. “My dear girl,” Loki starts, resting his hand on your shoulder. “If the Captain was speaking the truth, then please explain what -”

Shrugging his hand off, you shake your head. “Not now, please. I know I owe you and Tony an explanation but please, let me go talk to my husband first.” Loki nods and you hurry up the path into the house. 

When you shut the door behind you, your eyes scan the main floor for movement. Finding none, you quickly ascend the stairs and push open the door to your room. An army green sea bag rests on your bed, filled with Steve’s clothes. 

Your world drops from under you as he steps out of the closet, shrugging on his leather jacket. “Stevie, wh- what are you doing?” You ask, your eyes tracking him across the room as he continues packing his bag. 

Closing the bag off, Steve slings it over his shoulder. “I’m leaving.” He replies, refusing to make eye contact as he passes by and into the hallway. 

Tears immediately spring from your eyes, littering your lashes as you blink rapidly to clear them away. “Leaving the house?” You ask, your voice unable to rise past a whisper. “Or leaving _me?_ ” 

Steve pauses and for a moment, you think he’s going to reassure you that he just needs a few minutes to calm down. Instead, his answering silence echoes on the stairs as he steps down them. The slamming of the front door makes you flinch and when the dust settles, you let yourself sink to the floor and bury your face in your hands. 

_You need to realize what your decision to hide this from me has done to us._

Steve’s words circle in your head until you feel like you might collapse under the weight of them. After everything; Schmidt, the Hydra serum, your coma and the chaos that followed? None of that matters now. By choosing to keep Don from him, you’ve fractured what the two of you had worked so hard to build.

That choice, though you made it almost eighty years ago, has just seemingly cost you the love of your life. Even though you got away from him, in the end, Don got what he wanted.

***

When Tony calls your first name from downstairs, you sniffle and lean your head back against the bed. He never calls you by your first name, he must know that whatever happened is serious. “In here,” you croak out, wrapping your arms around your knees. 

Tony’s head peeks around the bannister, eyes softening immediately when he sees the tears still fresh on your face. “Oh, honey.” He crosses the room and drops to the floor beside you. “What the hell happened?”

“He left me.” You sniffle, burying your face in your knees as you continue sobbing. “Steve left me.” 

Tony soothingly rubs circles on your back as your breath hitches. “He left, yes.” He says softly. “But I don’t think Cap would leave _you_. The man would move a mountain to get to you. And Ace, you’re going to have a _child_. He would never abandon either of you.”

“Oh god.” You look up, eyes wide and fearful. “I can’t raise a child alone. I… I have no idea how to be a good mother and without Steve -”

“Hey, hey.” Tony interrupts, gently touching your cheek. “First of all, you would _never_ be alone. You’ve got Pepper and I, even if you refused to stay here. Second, you are going to be an incredible mom. You made my old man a decent guy for a while. That takes kindness and _lots_ of patience. And third, Steve is _not_ leaving you. He just needs a break, something that he really hasn’t had in a long time.”

Shaking your head, you push yourself upright. “Anthony, you don’t understand. I asked him. I asked if Steve was leaving or leaving me and he didn’t clarify. He just walked down the steps without a word. This is it. I really messed up and now he’s done with me.”

“How did you mess up?” Tony asks, leaning against the bed. “You gotta talk to me, Ace. I want to help.”

Wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you take a deep breath and push yourself up to sit on the edge of the bed. Tony rises from the floor, folding his arms across his chest as you collect yourself. “I… I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I get that.” Tony nods sympathetically. “When you’re ready -”

“My dear girl,” Loki jumps in from the doorway, “we would like to understand what happened. You owe us an explanation -”

Tony’s head whips toward the doorway. “Listen Rock of Ages, she doesn’t want to talk about it. And I for one, am not going to force her.”

“Stark, take care how you speak to me.” Loki hisses, stepping into the room. “I can still throw you out -”

“Relax, handsome.” John interrupts, throwing his hands up in a military surrender. “I reckon everyone just needs to take a moment and -”

And with that, the three of them begin arguing; each man’s voice rising to overpower the other. When the shouting becomes deafening, you can’t take it. If the three of them are going to be like this, they can leave. Your thoughts are spiraling on their own, you don’t need them adding to the turmoil. 

“Out.” You murmur, without looking up. When the shouting doesn’t stop, you push yourself to your feet. “ _Out_.” You say again, stronger this time. The three of them freeze, confusion flitting across each of their faces. 

“Ace, we didn’t mean to -”

Narrowing your eyes, you point to the doorway. “Get out of my house, all of you.” When Tony protests, arguing that you probably shouldn’t be alone, you push past them and hurry down the stairs. “I can’t take the fighting, so out. Please. I’d rather be alone right now.”

Tony nods, motioning to Loki and John to come with him. “I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to start arguing in your bedroom. We’ll just… we’ll head back to the compound. When you’re ready, ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to get us, alright?” You nod, sinking onto the couch. 

When the door clicks shut, you lean yourself back on the cushions and close your eyes. In less than two hours, your entire world has shifted on its axis. 

You’re exhausted, completely at your wit’s end, and more frightened than you’re willing to admit. Steve’s never snapped at you like he did outside. And the way his face twisted in anger when you tried to calm him down is something you’ll never be able to push from your mind. 

As you head into the kitchen to retrieve your phone, you know without a doubt that you’ve shattered something between you and Steve. 

Sliding your screen to unlock it, you immediately scroll to his name and press send. It goes immediately to voicemail, making your eyes start to tear up. When the line beeps, you inhale deeply and close your eyes. “Steve, please turn on your phone. I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - just… just let me - I love you, please. Just don’t, we can’t end things this way.” 

With a sniffle, you set your phone back down on the counter and glance out the window. It seems so illogical that the minutes keep ticking by while your very existence seems to have been frozen all over again. Steve clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you; he never shuts his phone off. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” You call out hesitantly. “I’d like you to locate Captain Rogers for me. Activate the tracking system in his motorcycle, please. If you’re unable to trace that, ping his phone with Tony’s satellites.”

“I’m sorry Mrs. Rogers,” the AI responds and you swear you can hear sympathy in her voice. “But Captain Rogers has blocked my system from tracking him. And I was ordered to dismiss any query or request that you may make into his whereabouts.”

For the third time today, your world drops out from underneath you. “Wh- what?” You stammer, gripping the marble island to steady yourself. “He said that?”

“Yes,” she replies. “It was before you came into the house, as he was packing his bag.”

Feeling tears prick the corners of your eyes again, you sniffle and hang your head. Steve specifically wanted to block you from finding him. 

Until you can think of your next move, you need to keep yourself busy; if you sit here and let yourself panic, you’ll drive yourself insane.

***

After a few hours and a few dozen baked goods cooling on various surfaces in your kitchen, you start to feel clear headed and more like yourself again. You needed to give Steve time to cool off. Now, you can ask Tony to override Steve’s blocking and help you find him. 

You’re shutting off your oven when you hear the kitchen door sliding open beside you. Spinning around, you smile softly when you see Tony, John and Loki standing hesitantly by the edge of the kitchen. “I’m feeling a bit calmer now,” you explain as they glance around the room. “Baking helps to calm my nerves.”

“I see that.” John laughs, holding up a covered plate. ”Got supper for you, luv. I reckoned you wouldn’t feel much like cooking in your state but clearly, I underestimated you.”

“She stress bakes. Keeps us really well fed.” Tony walks over to a plate of chocolate chip cookies and shoves one into his mouth. “Ace, you should eat something that’s not a pastry, especially being… you know, with child. I didn’t cook it, so you know it’s edible. Was pretty good actually.”

“ _I_ know how to cook.” John raises an eyebrow in Tony’s direction. “Fit as you are, but can’t cook worth a damn. It’s a bloody travesty, really.” 

Tony shrugs, shoving another cookie into his mouth while Loki nods and smirks at John’s words. “Nobody’s perfect.” Tony pouts, displeased by how well the other two are getting along.

Taking the plate from John, you thank him and walk over the microwave. As you unwrap the plate, a wave of nausea overcomes you and you’re quick to cover the food back up. 

Behind you, Tony clears his throat softly, making you turn in response. “So, uh, how the Hell did this happen?” He asks, folding his arms across his chest. “You know, Reindeer games here throwing Cap around like he was a ragdoll and him blowing up at you like that.”

With a sigh you explain that Loki had indeed heard the conversation out of context. You and Steve had been talking about when he was infected with the Hydra serum and Loki had arrived at the wrong moment. Before you could clarify, he had tossed Steve clear across the front yard. It escalated quickly from there.

Loki narrows his eyes, displeasure turning his lips down into a frown. “Dear girl, you can not be serious. The Captain truly assaulted you and you not only forgave him, you.. You…” He trails off, shaking his head in frustration. 

John tilts his head in Loki’s direction. “Take a breather, big man. Look at her face, I don’t reckon she’s making this up. But, it doesn’t sound like it was the bloke’s fault so.”

“I mean, technically, it wasn’t. And she’s not making any of this up, I can unfortunately promise you that all of it happened. I was there.” Tony leans on the counter top and raises both eyebrows. “Now, no offense, Ace.” He stares at you expectantly. “But why in God’s name would you even bring that up? It was almost three years ago now and the two of you are well past it.”

You lean against the island with a heavy sigh. “I kept a secret from Steve for a very long time and today, he heard me telling John about it. So, after I explained everything to him, he was frustrated by just how similar the situations were. That’s all.”

Pushing himself up, Tony walks around the island until he’s inches from you. “ _T_ _hat’s all?_ You know I’d never push you Ace, but that’s not good enough. He left, stormed off. I haven’t seen the old man _that_ pissed since I ripped Barnes’ arm off in Siberia.”

“I know he left, Anthony!” You snap, grabbing your plate and moving to put it away. “Or did you forget that I was there too? I know it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have kept from him what Don did to me.”

“Who is Don?” Loki asks, rolling up the sleeves of his dark dress shirt. You drag in a deep breath and meet John’s eyes.

“You hardly know me, luv.” He shrugs, walking to your cabinet for a glass. “But I reckon you felt a touch better after you got that weight off your chest. You told me you trust this lot with your life, you can talk to them. I wouldn’t imagine that either of them are going to judge you.”

You’re not afraid that Tony or Loki would judge you. If you’re being honest with yourself, you’re more worried about Steve’s reaction when he finds out that you’ve told them what happened. You don’t want him to think this conversation is suddenly easy for you; you’re still angry with yourself that you let Don slip out in the first place.

But knowing that John is ultimately right, you run your fingers through your hair and gesture toward the stove. “Would anyone like some tea? I think I might need some if I’m going to explain this _again_ today.”

***

Thankfully, the three of them stayed silent as you told them about Don and the horrors you’d had to deal with so long ago. At one point, you’d started crying and Loki quickly produced a handkerchief so you could wipe your tears before finishing your tale. 

When you finish, John pushes himself to his feet and pulls a cigarette from his pocket. “I’m just going to have a smoke,” he pats your shoulder reassuringly, “I reckoned you’d want a moment alone with them anyway.”

You nod, grateful for his understanding, before turning back to face Tony and Loki’s horrified faces. “So you understand why I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t. I was so terrified of Don, of what he was capable of.”

“My dear girl,” Loki starts, clearing his throat. “You should never have had to live through so much pain. You are truly stronger than anyone has given you credit for.” 

When you start to cry again, he stands and pulls you in for a hug. “And I am sorry for my part in the fight between you and the Captain. I should have let him explain before I acted. If my actions have caused irreparable damage to your relationship, I will never be able to forgive myself.”

“You're not the one who lied to the man you love.” You point out, leaning away from him. “That was all me. Steve has every right to be as angry as he is. If it were the other way around, I would’ve reacted the same way.”

Turning around, you stare down at Tony’s clenched fists and panic for a moment that he’s just as angry as Steve was. You can’t bear to have both of them furious with you; that would shatter whatever’s left of your heart.

“Anthony?” You step away and settle beside him on the couch. “I understand if you’re angry with me. Just please try to -”

When Tony looks up, the sadness on his face stops you mid sentence. “I’m not angry with you, Ace. God, I could never be angry. You had your reasons, and it was a different time. Take it from someone who used to be real bad at letting people in, I get it. I don’t think any less of you. Just…” He meets your eyes carefully as he takes a deep breath. 

“Just, tell me Howard didn’t know. Tell me that my old man had no idea and that’s why this went on for so damn long after…” He rests a hand on your knee. “I’m not saying that Steve’s stupid, because he’s not. But he had the war, you said it yourself, it wasn’t too difficult to hide it from him when he went overseas.”

He narrows his eyes furiously. “But if my father knew and he did nothing -”

“He didn’t.” You assure him, covering his hand with your own. “But he did stand up to Don once. We had gone to pay respects to my father, he was dying, and when Howard went to take a call, I literally ran into Don. The monster shoved me into a closet and…” You swallow hard before continuing. 

“When he finished with me, I heard your father calling. He found us as Don was fixing his belt. I was afraid that Howard would think I was being unfaithful, but he got right in Don’s face, immediately defending me.” You let a small smile find its way onto your lips. “At that moment, I’d never loved him more.”

Tony’s eyes widen as you continue. “Even before he really knew me, your father was saving my life. First by offering me the job that allowed me to escape and then again, in that hospital, by starting a fight with a man twice his size.”

He lets out a sharp, dry laugh. “My old man actually got into a fight?”

“He did.” You smile fondly. “I told him afterward that he swooped in like an avenging angel. My brave knight in golden armor.”

Tony tilts his head, opening his mouth to say something before he closes it again and shakes his head. A strange expression crosses his face.

You want to comment on it when Loki begins pacing back and forth. “How can we help you, my dear?” He asks, crossing his arms behind his back as he walks. “How can we bring the Captain home?” 

Letting out a frustrated sigh, you lean back against the cushions. “I don’t even know where he’s gone. F.R.I.D.A.Y. informed me that he’s blocked me from tracking him. I… he doesn't want me to find him.”

“Good thing F.R.I.D.A.Y. doesn’t belong to him, huh?” Tony quirks an eyebrow. “She’s my program, my coding. So, she’ll listen to me.” He tilts his head up. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

“Yes, boss?” She asks, her lilting voice filling the living room. 

Tony smirks at you before answering. “You wanna be a dear and give me the Captain’s current location?”

“No can do, boss.”

Tony isn’t quick enough to hide his surprise. “Did you just say no? You can’t say no, I made you.” He rolls his eyes before looking up again. “It’s cool, I’ll just eject and reboot her.”

“If you do that boss, I’ll just reset back to your original preferences.” The AI informs him and you swear you can hear the smugness in her voice. “But the password Captain Rogers used to hide his GPS location would still be intact until _he_ disables it. If you recall, you gave him authority to override system protocol.”

“Password?” Tony mouths, more confused than you’ve ever seen him. “How’d the old man block me outta my own system. _Me_?” He glances toward John and Loki. “I’m gonna go reboot an overly sassy AI, anyone wanna come?”

John smirks and lifts his hand to volunteer. Tony grins back and pushes himself to his feet. “I’ll be back in a bit, Ace. Lokes, you coming too?”

“I would actually prefer to stay here.” Loki meets your eyes with a soft smile. “We have something to discuss.”

Tony nods, heading toward the kitchen with John following at his heels. You turn your head to stare warily at Loki. “What did you… I really am sorry if I upset you. I’ve already hurt Steve by keeping this a secret and -”

Loki walks over to the couch and sits down beside you, resting his hand on your knee. “My dear girl, I am only upset that you had to endure the beast’s brutality for as long as you did. And the Captain is overwhelmed; overwhelmed by his own blindness and perceived weakness. When I arrived, I did not make the situation easier.”

You lift your head, intending to interrupt and Loki holds up a finger. “I only added to his frustration when I accused him of brutalizing you. I did not stop to listen. Your husband carries a heavy burden; but I swear to you, he will move past this. He loves you more than life itself.”

Loki moves his hand to rest gently on your stomach. “You _and_ the child you are carrying.”

Your jaw drops. “How did you -”

He rolls his eyes but the smile on his face is genuine. “Stark has been unable to contain his excitement since I arrived. He has been prattling endlessly about the miracle inside you and if I was to be useful for anything, he is quite glad it is this. But my dear girl, how am I responsible?”

“Loki, I...” You pause, thinking over your words. “We think when you helped to heal me, when I was in my coma?”

“By the Nords. Were you unable to bear children before? Did you know?” When you shake your head, Loki tilts his in wonder. “Your doctors did not know the extent of your injuries when I arrived at the hospital. Even I did not know what my magic could heal; I only wanted to ease your suffering, help to bring you back to us if I could.”

You rest your hand on top of his. “Whatever you did, not only did you save my life but you fixed whatever was broken inside of me so I could give… so I could have a family with Steve. Even if he doesn’t want me anymore.”

Loki tilts his head, staring at you with deep emerald eyes filled with sympathy. “There was nothing broken about you, and I know that despite the quarrel you and the Captain are having, he would completely agree with me. He will always -”

“I don’t know about that.” You cast your eyes down. “Steve’s got every right to be as angry as he is. There must be something fundamentally broken inside me and he can see that. I hid Don from him for eighty years. I don’t think I ever would’ve told him, I would’ve carried that secret to the grave if I could.”

Loki shakes his head as he pushes himself to his feet. “But you were not hiding this with the intention to harm him. The Captain knows that. I told you; I believe he feels weak, frustrated by his willingness to believe nothing was wrong. You were protecting him and the people you loved; doing what you could to slow the warpath of a monster you had no hope of stopping.”

For a moment, you’re completely speechless. Having Loki justify your actions this way, puts things into a different perspective for you. You knew you could never beat Don, so you did what you could to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone else. You would take the brunt of it if it kept the people you loved safe. 

You wipe the few tears from your face that you hadn’t realized were falling and smile up at him. “Thank you, Loki. I’ve never… It was... “ 

“It is alright, love.” Loki assures you, helping you to your feet. “Everything will be alright, you and your captain are soulmates. Nothing will tear that apart.”

You hug him, grateful to know him, to have a friend like him in your life. When you tell him that, he pulls away and rests a hand on your shoulder.

“I am the lucky one,” he promises, “to have someone so brave call me a friend. Now I think, congratulations are in order. You are going to have a baby, my dear. You cannot imagine how happy I am for you. You deserve nothing but the greatest of happiness.”

“John says it’s a boy.” You confess, grinning up at him. “I can’t believe it’s truly happening, let alone that we’re going to have a little boy.”

“This John fellow?” Loki asks, raising an eyebrow. “I find I enjoy his particular type of _personality_. If he were not so determined to return to his own realm, I would enjoy getting to know him more _intimately_.”

You smirk at him as you start walking toward the kitchen. “And he would happily agree to it. But he’s got unfinished business on his world, a great love he must make amends with.” You turn back, a serious expression settling on your face. “Did John explain? Do you think you’ll be able to use your magic to help him get home?”

Loki presses his lips together as he thinks on it for a moment. “Magic runs through my veins; at my core I am a magical being. It is different, with him. He was not born with magic, but it is a part of him just as much as it is me. So I cannot restore his, but I can use mine to get him home.”

You cross your arms, confusion flitting across your face as you watch him explain. “I am not a battery, per se. I cannot charge his magic, but I can amplify my own to -”

“To kick him back to where he came from.” You interrupt with a shrug. “Essentially.”

Loki laughs. “Essentially. John’s magic should be properly restored to him once he sets foot back on his own Earth.”

After Loki makes a point of asking more than a few _interesting_ questions about your visiting guest that make you blush, you call out to F.R.I.D.A.Y. and ask for her to call Tony and John back. When she agrees, you and Loki head out to the porch when you feel your anxiety start to rise. It’s almost midnight and Steve’s not back yet. 

When Tony’s Audi pulls up a few minutes later, the two of them step out and head over toward you. Tony leans against the porch, arms crossed and dark eyes filled with frustration. “I dunno what Cap did Ace, but I can't get past the damn password. If I shut her down, I risk messing up all the servers and -”

“It’s fine.” You assure him. “Steve will come home, he _always_ comes home.” When he doesn’t answer, you look up at him and notice how tired Tony looks. You can see it in his face; the darkness under his eyes and the slight sag in his shoulders. “Why don’t you go home, Tony? Get some rest.”

He pushes himself away from the porch railing. “You sure? I do want to get back to Pepper but, I don’t want to leave you alone tonight.”

“Well, she won’t be alone. Will she, handsome?” John cuts in, wrapping his arm around Tony’s shoulders. “I’ll be here. And if tall, dark and dangerous wants to stay, my bed is big enough for the both of us.”

Loki laughs, his eyes flashing in John’s direction. “Oh dear boy, it is tempting. But I shall take my rest in the compound. Not many have bed a God and survived.”

John raises an eyebrow, letting his lips twist into an indulgent smirk. “I’ve been had by the devil, mate. I would thoroughly enjoy letting you work me over.”

You shake your head, crossing your own arms. “You’ll behave yourself in my house or you’ll go home without your flask.” John pouts, but doesn’t push you.

Tony sighs and slips out from under John’s arm. “Alright, we’ll see you and Steve in the morning. The two of us’ll head over after breakfast.” When you nod, Loki shimmers out of sight and Tony heads down the steps towards his car. 

John leads you inside and leans against the edge of the couch. “You heading up to bed, then?” He asks, his eyes tracking you through the living room. 

“I won’t sleep until Steve’s back.” You grab a blanket from the basket beside the couch and wrap it around your shoulders. “I think I’m just going to wait up a bit, maybe make some tea.”

“You reckon you’d like the company?” He asks, pushing himself up. 

It’s sweet, but right now, you’re too anxious to sit and talk with anyone. When you tell him that, he nods and heads toward the stairs. “I understand, luv.” He gestures toward the guest room. “I’ll just be upstairs if you need me. I’ve gotten more bloody sleep here than I’ve had in a year. I’m grateful for it.” 

With a nod, you cover yourself with the blanket as you sit on the couch. When John calls your name from the stairs, you turn with a furrow brow. “The Captain’ll come home, luv. Don’t you worry.”

“I know.” You say softly, trying to assure yourself with the words. 

You perch yourself anxiously on the edge of the couch, knowing that until Steve’s home, you won’t be able to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a cliffy... 
> 
> Cause this fight was something... what do you think? Was Steve in the right to get upset the way he did? Or do you think he overreacted? And who guessed it was Loki?!


	86. Chapter Eighty- Six

_Tony’s eyes widen as you continue. “Even before he really knew me, your father was saving my life. First by offering me the job that allowed me to escape and then again, in that hospital, by starting a fight with a man twice his size.”_

_He lets out a sharp, dry laugh. “My old man actually got into a fight?”_

_“He did.” You smile fondly. “I told him later that he swooped in like an avenging angel that day. My brave knight in golden armor."_

Closing the door to his office, Tony sends Pepper a text telling her he’s just ‘buttoning up a few loose ends’ then he’ll come up to their floor in a few minutes. Unscrewing the cap to the decanter near his desk, he pours out a double and drags in a deep breath. 

Tony can’t get that thought out of his head, even though hours have passed since you said it. _Brave knight in golden armor._ He’s definitely heard that phrase before, but for the life of him, he just can’t remember where. 

Taking a long sip of his drink, he pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. This whole situation is a damn mess. The only other time he’s ever seen Steve this angry at you, he had been infected with that serum. And even then, his anger hadn’t truly been his own. _But this_? This was different. 

For the first time since that day in the training room, when he felt the bonds of friendship knit so strongly between the two of you, he’s not sure what to make of all this. Steve had no right to react the way he did, but Tony can’t help but feel like it wasn’t fair that you didn’t tell him. 

You had your reasons and Tony respects that, respects you, he just wishes he could spare you the pain and embarrassment you’re feeling now. This Whitmore was a Goddamned monster and you had no place to go, no one you felt you could turn to. 

Even his old man didn’t know how bad it was, and Howard apparently squared off with the bastard. Scrubbing his hand down his face, Tony can’t help but wonder what else he can do to override F.R.I.D.A.Y.; if he’s smart enough to create a new element, surely he can manage to reboot an overly opinionated A.I without jacking up his system.

He’s sure it’ll be unnecessary, Steve’s going to come home and the two of you will talk it out. Like you always do. Despite everything, you two have never faltered. Still -

His office door slides open, scattering his thoughts, and Pepper walks in with concern etched on her face. Tony sets his glass down and pushes away from the desk. “Honey?” He asks, tilting his head. “I said -”

“That you’d be up in a few.” She finishes for him with a raised brow. “When, in the entire time that we’ve been together, have you _ever_ told me you’d be up in a few? I usually have to have DUM-E hose you down with the fire extinguisher to get you to come to bed.”

Her hair swishes around her shoulders as she crosses the room and into Tony’s open arms. “What’s wrong?” She asks him, her voice soft and warm. “Talk to me.”

Tony kisses the top of Pepper’s head and sighs. Before he can stop himself, he’s telling her everything from today. The fight, Steve leaving, you telling him all about Don. It pours out of him like water from a busted faucet. When he gets to his father, Tony’s voice cracks and Pepper’s arms tighten around him. 

“I swear I’ve heard that before, Pep.” He finishes with a sigh. “I just can’t place where. It’s hard to believe that my father was ever a decent guy, but Ace loved him so…” He trails off, not sure how to continue.

“And I know she’s an adult, she’s married for Christ’s sake. But I worry about her. She may act like she’s older than I am, but she’s still a kid to me.” He leans his head back in frustration. “Ace had no one back then and even though she has Steve now, I still feel like she’s all alone sometimes.”

“She has you too.” Pepper assures him, resting her head against his chest. “She’ll never be alone. She’s lucky, same as I am, to have you in her life.”

Pepper closes her eyes for a minute, resting her free hand on her stomach. “You know, the way you are with her, with Peter even, is how I know for sure that, despite how little affection Howard showed you, _you’re_ going to be an incredible father.”

Tony sniffs, his chest tight with emotion. “Thanks honey. I mean, my old man hardly told me that he loved me so I’m going to do everything I can to break that cycle and show this kid all the affection they can handle.” He laughs softly. “I’m talking pony rides, bedtime stories every night, the whole nine.”

At that thought, Tony freezes. “ _S_ _onova bitch_.” He swears, pressing a kiss to Pepper’s temple. “Honey, you're _brilliant_. Just give me an hour.” She raises an eyebrow in disappointment. “I swear I’ll make it up to you.” 

She nods, pulling away from him. “I’ll be upstairs. Don’t make me wait too long, Mr. Stark.”

“Never, Mrs. Stark.” He promises, sliding behind his desk. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

***

“ _Tony, if you don’t get into bed right now, I’m not telling you the story.” Howard folds his arms across his chest. “I don’t have time for this."_

_“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Six year old Tony comes bounding around the corner of his bed and hops in, staring at his father expectantly._

_Howard never has time for him; Stark Industries keeps him away from the house for days on end, so the moments where his dad wants to spend time with him are few and far between._

_Howard moves to dim the lamp next to Tony’s bed before perching on the side of it. “Get under the covers, don’t make me get your mother.”_

_Tony snuggles down, grabbing the blankets to let them rest under his chin. “I’m ready, dad. Tell me about the sorceress and the king. It’s my absolute favorite.”_

_“Mine too.” Howard smiles wistfully, a rare moment of softness overtaking his features. “Alright, here we go.” He clears his throat and leans against the headboard._

_“Once upon a time there was a beautiful and brilliant sorceress. She was very talented at her craft. So much so, that as the king of another land was traveling, he saw her at work and knew he needed to bring her back to his court. Within five minutes of speaking to her, the king knew she was special. He knew how truly powerful she was and was determined to help her see it.”_

_Tony’s eyes grow wide as Howard speaks. These moments with his father are rare and he’s excited to not only spend time with him, but to hear the story his father loved telling. Howard always got this far away look in his eyes when Tony asked to hear it. He knew that his father wouldn’t say no._

_“There were plenty of girls in the kingdom that could do magic,” Howard explains with a smile. “But this sorceress was the most intelligent, the most kind. But because she couldn’t see that the king liked her for more than her talent with magic, she was very shy at first, afraid of her own shadow and her own power.”_

_Howard lifts his arm so Tony can rest against his side. “But you see, Tony, the king fell in love with her the first day he worked with her. And he thought she loved him too, in her own way. She brought out the king’s kindness, his compassion. She made him a better king.”_

_Tony thinks he hears his father’s voice break, but before he can look up to check, Howard leans his head against Tony’s headboard and out of Tony’s line of vision._

_“Now, the kingdom was at war with a great enemy from across the sea. This caused the king and the sorceress to work very closely together to protect the land from its enemies. They created spells and magic charms to keep the men defending their kingdom safe. Each day, his love for her grew.”_

_“The king wanted her to be his queen, right?” Tony asks, proud of how much of the story he remembers from the last time Howard told it._

_“Shhh, listen to the story.” Howard scolds, looking down with a small smile on his face. “But yes, the king wanted to show the sorceress how much he cared for her, how much he wanted to make her his queen. She told him that sorceresses don’t marry kings, but he was determined to change her mind.”_

_Howard’s voice takes on a tight edge as he shifts himself up in the bed. Tony always hated this part, almost as much as the part about the monster. He knows who’s coming; the knight who steals the sorceress from the king. Tony hates him; hates the way his father’s voice changes and hates the knight for showing up in the first place._

_“And he could have,” Howard sighs. “If he had had more time. You see, a knight with magic of his own swooped in and swept the sorceress off her feet. He was her knight in shining armor and she loved him with everything she was. The king was filled with a great sadness, for he feared he was going to lose her friendship the way he lost her heart.”_

_“But the sorceress still stayed with the king, right?” Tony asks, scrunching his nose as he tries to remember_ this _part. “She still wanted to be his friend?”_

_“She did.” Howard agrees, with an emphatic nod. “And even though the sorceress chose the knight, the king still loved her. It hurt his heart to see her with the knight, but he could not bear to see her unhappy. So he stayed silent, but he stayed close. He still hoped that someday, she might look at him the way she once did. He hoped that she would see him as a brave knight that could love and protect her the way she needed.”_

_Tony’s eyes widen, like they do every time, at this part of the story. “The monster’s coming isn’t he?” He asks fearfully, covering his eyes with the blanket._

_“Ah, Tony, don’t you remember?”_

_When Tony nods, Howard continues, his voice soft and steady. “The monster was there the whole time. This monster was an evil creature that had decided he wanted to claim the sorceress for his own. When the king and the knight weren’t looking, he would torment the sorceress; take away her magic and weaken her, just because it made him stronger to do so.”_

_Tony screws his eyes shut, hating the awful things the monster did. Even though he knows that the monster doesn’t win, he’s still scary._

_“The monster made threats to the sorceress, hurt her just because he could.” Howard says, running his fingers through Tony’s hair._

_“He told her if she didn’t give up her power to him, he’d destroy the king, the knight, and anyone she called family. The sorceress refused to let that happen, she loved them all too much to let them be hurt. So she hid the monster from those she cared about; shouldering the burden alone to keep the kingdom protected.”_

_Tony scoots closer to Howard, glancing up to see excitement now in his father’s eyes. “Time went on and neither the knight nor the king knew of the danger she was in. When the knight was killed in battle, she knew the monster would come for her. So she sought out comfort in the arms of the very king that loved her. He knew he could never be her great knight. But with time, he hoped she’d feel for him what she felt when they first met.”_

_“Before the knight, right?” Tony asks, fiddling with the hem of his blanket._

_Howard smiles down at him. “Before the knight, exactly. But things were not meant to be simple. Because when the monster came for her again, the king didn’t know what he was. He had disguised himself as a handsome nobleman and tried to trick the king into befriending him even though he had just hurt the sorceress.”_

_“I hate him.” Tony swears, folding his arms across his tiny frame._

_“So did the king,” Howard assures him. “And trust me, Tony, he was not fooled; he saw how afraid the sorceress was and stepped in to protect her. The monster revealed himself and the king violently banished him from the kingdom after that.”_

_Howard’s lips twist into a soft smile, the smile that Tony very rarely sees. “The king knew the sorceress loved him then; calling him her brave knight in golden armor. The king was beside himself with happiness, for having golden armor was far better than to simply shine. He was truly happy for the first time in a long time.”_

_“But…” Tony interrupts, patting his father’s hand. “The king has to go away, right? And fight a new war in a new land?”_

_“He does, and he leaves the sorceress behind. The king made a mistake, and in doing so, he damaged the bond the two of them had. It was the biggest mistake of his life; he didn’t need to leave, but he was stupid and prideful.”_

_Howard falls silent, blinking a few times before he continues._

_“While he was gone, the monster returned and tried to take her magic again. He thought he could because the king was not there to protect her. That time however, the sorceress had another sorceress to help keep her safe. She wounded the monster and cast a spell to alert the king.”_

_Howard’s voice gets lower, as if he’s afraid of being overheard. “When the king returned, he enlisted the help of his most trusted advisor and monster hunter to track the monster and destroy it. Only a special weapon, made just for the king, could rid the world of the evil that the monster left in its wake. But the king was determined.”_

_Tony twists his head, looking up to watch Howard’s face. His eyes are starting to get heavy with sleep, but he wants to hear the end, wants to have just a few more minutes with Howard._

_“With the help of the other sorceress and his trusted monster hunter, they finished off the creature for good.” Howard’s whispering now, so quiet that the deep rumble coming from his chest seems louder than the words he’s speaking._

_“The sorceress never knew, they couldn’t tell her. She’d lost so much of her innocence, they couldn’t stain her with this too. Taking a life, even the life of something so evil, was an act that would darken the king’s soul forever. But he had to do it; the king knew he had finally found a way to keep her safe.”_

_“This time,” Tony asks, hope and excitement shining in his coffee colored eyes. “Did they live happily ever after?”_

_Howard ruffles his son’s hair, shaking his head sadly. “Not every story has a happy ending. You know that, Tony. The sorceress went on a quest that she did not return from. The king was devastated; the great kingdom mourned her loss, for they knew that the king would never love another the way he loved her.”_

_Tony watches his father’s eyes as they cast the same far away sadness that fills them every time he asks for this story. He doesn’t know why he loves the story so much if it makes his father sad. Even more so, he doesn’t know why Howard loves it the way that he does._

_“As time passed,” Howard says, twisting his body to tuck Tony in. “The place in his heart that held her love, grew sharper but no smaller, until he could not think of her without feeling great pain. So, he shut himself off from it. The kingdom could not speak of her because the king himself could not. The king eventually found himself a queen and made a family, and all but the king forgot about her._

_“But sometimes, Tony, when the king would sit alone in his throne room, he’d close his eyes and remember the sorceress he loved. His heart still ached, but he’d remember the way she’d made him laugh and the pain he felt would lessen just a bit.”_

_Once the story’s finished, Howard sighs, bringing himself back to reality and gestures for Tony to lay down. “I love this story, dad.” Tony admits, drops his head back against the pillows. “It’s sad, but I wish it was real.”_

_Howard rises from the bed, switching off the bedside lamp. “And I wish it wasn’t.” He murmurs, almost too quietly for Tony to hear. “Goodnight, son.” He says, louder this time, before slipping out of the room._

_***_

“Shit.” Tony swears, covering his mouth with his hand. “Holy motherfucking shit.” There’s no way his father would've had the balls. Right? Sure, Howard was an unfeeling, cold bastard, but there’s no way that he would have actually killed someone. 

But now that he’s thinking about it, the events in Howard’s story are too similar to what he knows happened with you and Steve back in the forties.

So the king must’ve been Howard, Tony’s certain of it. That would mean that you’re the sorceress; the beautiful, intelligent object of the king’s affections. And the knight? That’s gotta be Steve. It makes sense the more he thinks about it. 

When Howard talked about Steve, it was always in a tone filled with reluctant respect. He admired the man for everything he’d done, but couldn’t quite get past the fact that you’d chosen Steve over him. Even after he was presumed dead, Howard had to have known he’d only be second best. 

Tony scrubs a hand down his face, reaching for the whiskey decanter with his free hand. If you, Steve and Howard were characters in this story that he grew up with, could it be possible that the monster wasn’t some creature from Howard’s darkest imaginings? Could it have been someone tangible? Someone you’d had a very real reason to fear?

Quickly, Tony whirls around in his chair and pulls up two computer screens. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” He calls out, furrowing his brow as he starts to type. 

“Find me everything you can on a Captain Don, maybe Donald, Whitmore. Check the metro Boston area, I’d say narrow activity to 1941- 1946?” He leans back in his chair, mind racing as the AI starts pulling up Boston Police records, a birth certificate, and newspaper articles. 

***

Tony doesn’t make it to bed. He spends hours combing through the files that F.R.I.D.A.Y. finds for him. This Whitmore was a real bastard. 

Captain of the Boston Police, under the son of a bitch Chief that was your father, his name was connected to more than two dozen missing persons cases in the five years that Tony asked for. 

And that’s not to mention the assault claims, violent threats and gross misconduct that your father swept under the rug. Tony finds it all; every dirty little secret Don and your father tried to hide.

The man just had a look about him; charming and manipulative. Each photo Tony finds shows off Don’s strong jaw and dark swept back hair. He seemed the type to never have an empty bed. But Tony’s sure the ladies weren’t there willingly. 

Don and your father seemed to rule Boston with an iron fist, choosing fear over justice in a time where that was more easily excused than it should've been. The city was their playground and you just happened to be caught between them; an unwilling victim to a game where you couldn’t possibly know the rules.

All of it is enough to make him sick. 

When Tony starts connecting the dots back to you, his stomach churns. Don seemed to behave for short periods of time then out of the blue, he’d take down a suspect with excessive force; claiming they resisted when the altercation ended with a body count.

Tony wonders if he looked it up, had F.R.I.D.A.Y. create a correlation between the dates, would the stretches of time match when Don was unable to get to you and he chose to take out his aggression on civilians instead? 

He scans a newspaper clipping, gripping tightly to his glass as he reads about the murder of a young man behind a diner near where you lived. Peter Nowicki, the clipping reads, was beaten with _excessive force_ until he was almost unrecognizable. 

Tony isn’t sure how he knows it, but Don had to have been involved. The diner can’t be a coincidence; it’s walking distance from your old address. Maybe this Peter was a friend of yours, maybe he was just unfortunate enough to be kind to you. Tony’s sure it didn’t matter to a monster like Don Whitmore. 

Most shocking of all, is the way Don’s story ends. It’s just as violent as the way he lived. Radio silence for almost a month and suddenly, Don’s body is found floating in the Charles river with a stripped 9mm bullet between his eyes. There were clear signs of a struggle; lacerations on his wrists and defensive wounds along his body. 

Authorities assumed it was robbery gone awry; wrong place at the wrong time for the newly appointed Chief of Police. 

But Tony knows better. 

A 9mm isn’t an uncommon caliber. But Tony remembers Howard’s Steyr- Hahn pistol and the specific damage it did to the bullets inside. Because the Steyr- Hahn’s magazine couldn't be detached, you could only load one bullet at a time and said bullet was stripped as it left the chamber. A defect that made the 9mm distinguishable once it hit it’s target.

Howard kept it locked away, hidden from sight. Tony had always assumed that it was due to the rare nature of the weapon. He’d had no reason to believe that the gun had been used to take someone’s life. Because now, he’s absolutely sure that that’s what happened. 

Once Howard found out about what Don was doing, he did what he had to to ensure Don would be stopped. Tony doesn’t want to think that Howard would have actually murdered Don in cold blood, but if Howard truly felt for you the same feelings the king felt for the sorceress then anything’s possible. 

He would destroy anyone who dared to touch Pepper, is it that much of a stretch to think that his father would have done the same?

Tony wonders now if this was when his father’s cold exterior was formed. Carrying the weight of losing the girl he loved in his youth, even after everything he’d done to keep her safe? It must have hardened his heart, making it nearly impossible for anyone to get through. 

At that thought, he has a moment of grief for his mom; Maria did the best she could with the broken man that was his father. She gave him a family, stood by Howard’s side and loved him despite his flaws. He wonders if she knew about you, knew what you had meant to Howard.

He hopes she didn’t.

Glancing at the time on his Starkpad, he stifles a yawn and reaches for his glass. As 0530h inches closer, he wishes it was coffee instead of whiskey. His body is screaming for sleep, but he can’t shut off his brain.

He wants to tell you. He wants to run across the property and tell you now. But he’s sure that at some point while he was pouring over these files and reports, Steve came home and the two of you talked it out. He doesn’t want to interrupt the two of you; you both must be exhausted. 

Maybe he can drag himself up to catch a few hours of sleep and once he’s sure you’re both up and about, he’ll go and talk to you. 

***

Pepper is still asleep when Tony closes the door behind him. Shrugging out of his shirt, he slips into bed and snuggles up to her, thinking he got away with not coming upstairs as he promised.

He’s not that lucky. 

“What was so important you stayed up all night working on it?” She asks, her voice thick with sleep. “Because F.R.I.D.A.Y. said you were in your office, not the workshop.”

Pushing himself up with one elbow, Tony waits until Pepper’s shifted herself around to face him. “I was thinking about what you said, how Howard wasn’t very affectionate? And honey, it hit me like a ton of bricks.”

“What did?” 

“When I was little, and we’re talking knee high to a grasshopper little, my old man used to tell me a bedtime story. Pep, I loved it. The story wasn’t particularly thrilling, but he loved sitting with me and reciting this damn thing countless times. I knew he'd never say no when I asked.”

She raises an eyebrow and Tony launches into a modified retelling of the tale. Once he’s done, she tilts her head. “That’s strangely familiar. Have you told me that before?”

“No.” He assures her. “But you know it anyway. Imagine the other side of the story, right? The knight and the sorceress? That, honey, is the good Captain and his wife. My old man basically told me the story of how he fell in love with that girl, right in front of Cap.”

Pepper shakes her head as she pushes herself up the bed until she’s resting against the headboard. “And the monster, you think that’s the bastard that abused her?”

Tony shrugs. “He’s gotta be.” He pushes himself up so he’s sitting across from her. “It lines up and the similarities between it and what she told me are just... I mean, it’s spooky. So I looked into it, wanted to see if there was any connection. Anything that would make the story seem a little less fiction.”

“You found something?”

“Hell yeah, I did.” He lets out a humorless laugh. “Whitmore was a real son of a bitch; between him and her father, they pulled some nasty shit. F.R.I.D.A.Y. found dozens of missing persons connected to cases that Whitmore was involved with. It’s a mess. But that’s not the craziest part.”

Pepper raises her brow silently. 

“After like a month of nothing, Boston Police finds his body in the river. Beaten to hell and a bullet in his head. Which could’ve been anything, right? Robbery, mugging, literally anything.”

He watches Pepper nod slowly. “That’s what I thought. Until. I looked at the autopsy report and the bullet in his head was a stripped 9mm.”

She inclines her head at the frenzied look on Tony’s face. “And that’s bizarre because?”

“ _Because_ , Howard had an antique pistol in his office drawer. I was never allowed to touch it. I mean, even after he died I felt weird taking it out and putting into a storage trunk. It was an old Steyr- Hahn and I know you don’t know what that means, but trust me when I tell you that the bullet in Whitmore’s head came from Howard’s gun.”

Pepper frowns as she thinks on it. “You think Howard killed him?”

“I don’t think it, Pep. I know it.” He rubs his tired eyes with the heel of his hand. “The bullet was stripped, marked the same way the one’s shot from my old man’s gun would have been. And _sure_ it could be a coincidence, _sure_ it could be unrelated.”

Tony yawns, shaking his head to clear away his brain’s desire to sleep. “But think about it. Same _specific_ bullet as the one found in Howard’s gun, was found in this bastard’s head? There’s no evidence, nothing to tie anyone to the crime. That’s not an accident.”

He meets her eyes carefully. “This guy terrorizes the girl my father’s loved for years. He might’ve had his suspicions, but he’d never had confirmation until now. With Cap dead, she’s got no one to protect her.” 

Pepper quirks an eyebrow as the pieces fall into place for her. “So when Howard Stark finds out, he decides to do something about it.”

“ _Exactly_.” He throws his hands out toward her. “My father was practically New York royalty. No one would suspect he’d be involved in something like that.”

“Tony, you’re telling me that your father murdered a man in cold blood.”

Tony shakes his head, scooting himself closer to her. “No, I’m telling you he took care of a problem that even Cap didn’t know about. He did what he had to do to protect someone he loved.” He leans forward, resting a hand on Pepper’s stomach. “For the first time in my life, I feel like I understand my old man. Because I get that feeling.” 

Pepper smiles at him, covering his hand with her own. “So now that you have this knowledge, what are you going to do with it? Are you going to tell them?”

Is he? Tony’s not sure. If you’ve already moved past this, then he’s not sure he should rehash it with you in front of Steve. But it could give you closure and that’s something he knows you deserve. Especially after having to relive the horrors you went through, alone. 

Tony can’t do anything about it now, not with exhaustion creeping into his limbs, making them feel heavy and useless. He’s not as young as he used to be; sleep isn’t an option anymore.

“I don’t know. Not right now anyway, not until I’ve gotten like an hour or so of sleep. My damn brain is jumping around in here.” He taps the side of his head with a grin. “Besides, I’m sure the two of them stayed up most of the night talking, they’re probably still sleeping.”

With another yawn, Tony slides down and pulls Pepper close to him. ”Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” He calls out into the darkness. “Me and the misses are gonna try to get a little shut eye, you wanna let us know when the Captain and his wife are up and about? I need to talk to them.”

“Sure thing, boss.” The AI responds automatically. “But I’m afraid you’d only be talking to Mrs. Rogers. The Captain has not come home.”

“At all?” Pepper asks, concern flooding her voice. When F.R.I.D.A.Y. confirms it, that Steve hasn’t come home at all, she twists her head and sighs. “Tony, you’ve gotta tell them. This is going to tear them apart if it’s not put to rest.”

Pepper’s right, she’s always right. He just needs a few hours and he’ll tell you what he’s found out.

***

When the morning comes, you don’t remember falling asleep. You remember the anxious moments spent pacing the living room, letting your mind race with the events of the last day. You remember moving from the living room to the porch and back again, hoping to hear the distinct hum of Steve’s bike. Sleep seemed like the furthest thing from your mind. 

But the next thing you know, sunlight’s filtering through the curtains of the living room and John’s gently shaking you awake. 

Despite your confusion, you try to push through the fogginess of sleep and focus on what he’s saying to you. “You sleep down here all bloody night?” John asks, leaning away so you can sit up. You nod in response, making John swear and sit next to your feet. “Bollocks, he didn’t come home then?”

It’s then that the reality of the situation comes crashing down on you. You fell asleep down here waiting for Steve. But it’s morning and he never came back. He really _is_ done, he has to be. Why else wouldn’t he come home? 

Steve... didn’t just leave. He left you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we know a whole lot more about Howard's love for the reader. And just how nasty Don Whitmore really was. Don't worry, we plan to let Howard have his moment in the prequel. Cause Don deserves everything Howard did to him.


	87. Chapter Eighty-Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for being understanding about needing to post tonight instead of last night. It's been a crazy week and it's only getting crazier. 
> 
> Both of us are working to open out new store and it's been insanely demanding. So, until we're done and we have a better idea of our work load, we need to give ourselves a bit more time to write. For the time being, we'll be moving to post every other Thursday. This isn't permanent; we just don't have the down time we want right now. 
> 
> Thank you so much for understanding, you guys are AMAZING and we love you!
> 
> This chapter is extra long to make up for the gap :)

As John cooks breakfast, he tries to distract you with the story of the last Halloween he spent with his girl. He tells you with a grin that one of his friends dressed up as Steve, uniform and all. It’s a hopeful attempt to get your mind off the fact that Steve didn’t come home last night. It’s not working, but you don’t want to tell him that.

“I swear it, luv.” He smirks, reaching up into the cabinet for plates. “He’s a dead ringer for your husband. It’s bloody uncanny.”

“Is that why you looked at Steve so strangely when he walked in that first time?” 

John nods, scooping eggs out of the pan. “Thought I had gone mad for a second. The only differences between Eric Grant and your husband are about an inch of height and the hair color.” When you tilt your head, John fishes his phone out of his pocket. He spends a moment scrolling through it before sliding it over to you. 

Sure enough, on the left of John is a handsome man an inch or two shorter than Steve. He’s wearing an almost identical version of the Captain America suit that Howard helped design back in 1943.

The way this _Eric’s_ eyes crinkle at the corners, is so much like Steve, you gasp and look up at John. He’s right; Steve’s already got the beard, if he had dark hair, you’d swear they were twins. 

As you open your mouth to comment on the uncanny similarities, your eyes drift to the hand that John’s kissing, just out of frame. You pick up his phone and zoom the photo out.

The girl next to him is dressed like you would’ve, back in the forties. She has bright, intelligent eyes and a kind, mischievous smile. _This must be her,_ you realize. The girl John’s still in love with. “How old is this picture, John?” You ask, sliding the phone across the kitchen island. 

John shrugs, adding bacon to your plate. “‘Bout three years, give or take.” 

“I’d imagine you didn’t keep this picture because of him.” You raise your eyebrow. “That’s her, right? Your girl? John, she’s beautiful.” 

“Don’t I bloody know it. And brilliant as well.” His shoulders stiffen as he sets the plate down and grabs his phone. “I don’t have many pictures with her.” John explains, his voice quiet and pensive.

“So after I sent her away, I couldn’t bear to delete it even though it wasn’t just of us. The other two in the photo, Eric and his girlfriend, became more important to me than I reckoned they would be.” John slides the phone back into his pocket. “If I could do it all over again...”

You open your mouth to comment when the door connecting the barn to the kitchen slides open. John immediately perks up when he sees Bucky slip through. “You hungry, handsome?” He asks, offering up a piece of bacon. 

Bucky grins, grabbing a piece off of your plate instead. “I already ate, but I’ll never say no to Harvard’s cooking.” 

“I didn’t cook a thing.” You confess, grabbing the bacon back from him with a smirk. “But if you want some, I’m sure John would happily make you a plate.” John holds up the pan of bacon with an indulgent smirk. 

Bucky sighs and nods. “Yes, please.” You can tell John wants to keep going, see how far he can push Bucky, but from the jittery way he keeps flexing his fingers, you know Bucky’s here for a reason. 

When you call him on it, Bucky turns back to you with a guilty expression. “Last night, when you were talking with Loki, Tony and John found me. They caught me up on what the fight was about.” When your eyes widen in horror, he throws his hands up in surrender. “Tony knew you wouldn’t want to talk about it again and I wouldn’t ask you to go through that for me.” 

You don’t know what to say. In the span of 24 hours, everyone you care about had discovered the deepest, darkest secret you’d hoped would never see the light of day. You feel so exposed; your anxiety stinging like a raw nerve you have no hope of covering. “James, I…” 

He shakes his head. “Look, I'm not happy you kept the secret from us back then, but if anyone can understand what it feels like to be trapped in a hopeless situation, feeling completely helpless and out of control? It’s me. So I can’t blame you for thinking you didn’t have any other choice. But we loved you, always have, and would’ve protected you. You’re worth it to us.” 

When Bucky smiles at you, soft and genuine, you see the kind soldier that your best friend fell so deeply in love with.

“And I wanted to make Steve see that,” Bucky carries on, “to remember what it felt like to be as small and helpless as he was. This little guy, trying to fight against something he knew he couldn’t beat. But when I called him, he didn’t answer me. Which was, _annoying_. So, I spent most of the night tracking him down.” 

“James, did you… did you find him?” You ask, hating that your voice shakes when you speak.

“Of course I did.” It’s Bucky’s turn to smile indulgently. “He’s at the tower.” 

The tower. _Of course_. It seems silly that you didn’t immediately think Steve would go there. It was where he had banished himself after he remembered what he did to you. It makes perfect sense that he’d escape there again. 

When Bucky snaps his fingers in front of you, you realize that you’ve completely lost yourself in thought. Shaking your head, you pull your lower lip between your teeth anxiously. “I’m sorry, James. I got lost in my head. What did you say?”

“Yeah, I saw that.” He chuckles, breaking a piece of bacon from his plate in half. “I said, it didn’t look like he slept last night, so he’s probably just as torn up by all this as you are. Now that you know where he is, go get him. Bring Stevie home.”

Your throat works hard as you try to get sound to come out of your mouth. “James, I… he doesn’t want to see me. I’d just make him angry if I went. Maybe if you -”

“Listen, luv.” John cuts in, gesturing toward Bucky with a grin. “I agree with him. It has to be you, you know that. Deep down anyway. You want your husband to come home, you need to go get him. Whatever happened between you, you’ve got to believe that the love you have for each other is strong enough to withstand it.”

You raise your eyebrow, surprised by the wisdom in John’s words. “You should consider listening to yourself, John. It’s good advice.” At that, he simply shrugs and pops a piece of bacon into his mouth. Pressing your lips together, you turn back to Bucky. 

“What do I do if he won’t talk to me?” You hate how small your voice sounds. Hate how timid and nervous you are that the man you love will shut you out and build a wall around his heart so impenetrable that you’ll never be able to get through to him again. “What if he doesn’t want me… _us_ ,” your hand moves anxiously to your stomach as you speak. “Anymore?”

Bucky’s features grow dark, anger flashing across his slate blue eyes. When you blink, the look is gone; only passive calm remains. “Then he’s not the man I thought he was.” 

“He’s right.” John agrees. “But I’m sure if you’re worried about it, handsome here will accompany you to this tower, eh?’

“Yeah, of course.” Bucky nods, reassuringly. “I’ll come with you if you need it.”

You think about it for a moment. If you're going to go to the Tower and face Steve, you know you need to face him alone. This fight was no one else’s fault but your own, now you have to clean up the mess you’ve made. You tell them both this and wait for them to nod and agree with you. 

“You want to take a car or you want me to arrange a driver?” Bucky asks, casually sneaking bacon off of John’s plate. You let a small smile find its way to your lips as you watch John realize what Bucky’s doing. 

“I’ll just take a car.” You push yourself up and walk your plate to the dishwasher. “I need to clear my head and I don’t want a driver to have to wait around for me.” As you spin around, you let out an unsteady breath. “I’ll just go change and head out.” 

You squeeze your hands into fists, hoping John and Bucky don’t notice how much they’re shaking. Bucky’s ever watchful eyes flick down, then back up to meet yours. “It’s gonna be alright, Harvard. He loves you. Nothing else matters.”

“I love him too, more than anything. I just hope _that_ still matters to him.”

***

You’ve stood in front of the private entranceway to the Tower for the last ten minutes at least, warring with yourself whether or not to go inside. What if Steve refused to see you? What would you do? What if he intends to leave you, divorce you and make a clean break.

What if you’re not worth all the trouble. Just like Don had said.

With trembling fingers, you press Tony’s access code into the panel on the door. When it slides open with a soft woosh, you drag in a calming breath and step through. 

The tower hasn’t changed since you’d made this a temporary home last year, but the memories of your time here feel like they were from a different life. When you walk up to a young man sitting at a security desk, he straightens and immediately addresses you by your maiden name. 

“Where can I find my husband, _Captain_ Rogers?” You ask, not unkindly. When he tells you Steve’s in the training room on his old floor, you nod and take off for the elevators. 

You hear the sound of fist hitting canvas as you step onto Steve’s floor. With a deep breath, you slide open the door and slip in. 

Steve’s back is to you as he methodically hits the punching bag over and over. Six tattered and destroyed bags litter the ground around you. Bucky was right, you don’t think he’s slept at all. You want to call attention to yourself but you don’t want to startle him. Softly, you clear your throat and take a tentative step closer. 

Steve whirls around, hostility and something like aggression visible in the blue of his eyes. When he realizes it’s you, his face doesn’t soften and fresh panic blooms in your chest. “How’d you know I was here?” He asks, in a dismissive tone. “I had F.R.I.D.A.Y. shut off my tracker.”

You anxiously fiddle with your sleeve before peering up at him. “I know… I… You didn’t come home last night, Stevie and I was so worried. You didn’t answer my calls, so I thought…”

“You thought what?” He rolls his eyes. As he unwraps his hand, you can’t help but notice that he’s not wearing his wedding ring. Your eyes immediately swell with tears as he folds his arms across his chest. “That you’d just show up and everything would be okay?” 

Swallowing hard, you blink away your tears and turn your head toward the doorway. “No, of course not. I… I’ll, uh, go if you want, but I need you to know how sorry I am.” 

“And what _exactly_ are you sorry for?” Steve snaps, making you twist back to face him. “Keeping secrets from me, lying to me, choosing to confide in anyone else but me? I feel like I could go on.”

“ _Everything_.” You take a few steps closer to him, attempting to close the distance. “I’m sorry for everything. I should’ve come to you then. I should’ve trusted that you would’ve been able to handle it. But I… I was just so scared and I let that get the better of me.” 

Steve scrubs a hand down his face as he blows out a breath of disbelief. “Can you _honestly_ tell me that you trust me now? That all of this wasn’t because you trusted everyone else over me? Because I’ve got to be honest, I’m feeling like you don’t.”

“Of course I trust you!” You reach out for his arm, gently running your fingers down it to take his hand in yours. “Steve, please believe me. I trust you more than anyone else in the world. I promise you that.”

He pulls his hand away, wiping sweat and grime from his face with the back of it. “It doesn’t seem that way. It seems like you’d rather talk to everyone else about things that bother you rather than the man you married.” 

“Because I don’t care what they think of me.” You can feel frustration bubbling out of you. Doesn’t he understand that you’ve never wanted him to look at you and see weakness? Like you’re something he needs to fix.

“I don’t care if they look at me with pity.” You feel tears slip down your cheeks but you can’t stop them. “But you… You’re always so strong, Stevie… And I don’t want you to think I’m weak. And I know how silly it is, but I just care what you think of me so much more.” 

Steve raises his brow as he shrugs in annoyance. “So you’d rather let someone hurt you than risk looking weak to me?”

“ _Yes_. I’ve always wanted to be strong for you.” Before he can interrupt, you lift your hand and implore him to listen. “You may think it’s stupid, but I’ve always been worried that if I wasn’t strong enough, you’d get sick of dealing with me. When you’re told that enough, you start to believe it. That’s no excuse for my behavior, I know that now, but that was always my fear.” 

Steve’s face softens at the anxiety and exhaustion he can see on yours. “I’m not your father and I’m not Don. I can’t believe you would even think that of me.” 

“That’s all I had ever known and yes, you were so different, darling.” You shrug helplessly. “But you have to understand, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and for you to treat me the same way Don and my father did. You never did anything wrong, just loved a complete mess of a girl who was afraid of her own shadow and for a long time I thought that had an expiration date.”

You watch him start to slowly pace as you step up to the bag he was hitting when you walked in. “By the time I was able to truly believe it, believe that I could put what Don had done behind me, I had lost you. And when I woke up here, I didn’t even think of him. I was just so damned happy to see you again. It was like I could start over.”

Steve stops, tilting his head as he considers what you’ve said. “And I was beyond thrilled to see that you were sitting in that hospital bed. I thought you were dead. It was nothing short of a miracle that you were safe and… and I got a second chance.” 

His eyes shine for a second before he looks away. “But you can’t honestly tell me you were afraid that after I stood up to your father for seeing the way _he_ treated you, that I’d see you as weak for telling me about Don. Do you have _any_ idea how illogical that sounds? I could’ve _protected you_.”

Leaning against the heavy bag, you briefly close your eyes and sigh. “I know how it sounds, but Don… he was… It was _different_. Don was violent in a way that my father never was and that terrified me. I thought I was protecting you, Steve. You and everyone else I loved, do you not understand that?”

“Of course I understand, all I _do_ is understand.” His face hardens again and the familiar panic of waiting for the floor to drop out from under you creeps back in. 

You open your mouth to protest when he grabs a towel off the floor and holds up a hand to stop you. “Look, I’m covered in sweat and I’ve barely slept. If you want to talk, you need to -” 

You can’t do this anymore. You don't want to lose him but something in you snaps. “ _Fine_. You really want the truth? You want to know why I was so afraid to tell you? Why I allowed that man to hurt me for as long as I did instead of just asking for your help?” 

Steve throws the towel back to the ground and crosses his arms. “ _Yes_. The truth would be nice.” 

“I was terrified that if you found out about Don, about what I had to let him do to me, that you wouldn’t want me anymore.” You grind out, your cheeks hot with embarrassment.

“That you would see me as dirty, damaged goods and you’d throw me away.” You blink away the tears that threaten to cling to your lashes. “You wouldn’t want someone disgusting like that by your side and you certainly wouldn’t ever want to marry me. So I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to...”

Steve’s face twists in shock with fury glittering at the edges as you trail off helplessly. When you reach out for him, he angrily takes off toward the elevators. 

“You need to give me a minute.” He snaps, twisting his upper body back to face you. When he does, you see betrayal and heartbreak in the soft blue of his eyes. “How could you think so little of yourself? And so little of _me_?” 

***

You stand at opposite ends of the elevator; the silence between you cavernous and suffocating at the same time. You want to say something, anything, to close this distance, but you’re terrified that Steve’s response when you finally told him the truth means that he wants a divorce and you had been right in your fears that someone as damaged as you would never get to truly be happy. 

As tears continue to silently fall, your heart beats furiously in your chest; a reminder that you don’t know what you’re going to do if that’s truly what Steve wants. You have no idea where you’ll go. Surely you won’t be able to stay in the house, nor would you really want to. It’ll be too close to the compound and too close to _him_. 

And despite Tony’s insistence that you’d always have him and Pepper, you’d have to put distance between you. There’d be no guarantee that he wouldn’t let something slip about Steve and the anguish that would rip through you at the mention of his name would too much to come back from. 

And what about the baby? Unconsciously, your hand rests on your stomach as your mind continues to circle the drain. Steve may not want to be with you anymore, but you’re going to have a son and he has a right to see this child, you _want_ him to see the baby every day. You can’t stop him and no judge would tell Captain America that he doesn’t get to be a part of his son’s life. 

If you’re right about what Steve wants, you’re certain that you’ll never be happy again. But you can’t blame him for being as angry and upset as he is. He has every right. Steve has always been the strong one; the pillar that you’ve leaned on for support. 

And it’s not just you; the team, Bucky, even the Army depended on him to hold it together and for you to expect that he wouldn’t have some type of visceral reaction to Don was unreasonable. Especially considering that it happened right under his nose. 

When the elevator pings, he gestures for you to step out. Terrified that this is the end, you do and silently let him lead you to his old room.

Everyone has their breaking point; you’re afraid that Steve’s finally hit his. 

***

Steve watches as you move to the opposite end of the elevator. As the seconds tick by, the silence in the small space grows cavernous and suffocating at the same time. He knows he should say something, anything, to close this distance, but he doesn’t know how to fix this anymore. 

Steve’s so angry with himself, furious even, that after all this time he didn’t see what was going on right in front of him. He didn’t understand why you tensed up each time he’d come home, all those years ago. He assumed it was just from the echoes of the abuse you’d suffered under your father’s hands. He had no idea it was from something else entirely. 

And the thought that you endured all that pain; the violence and the assault, because you were afraid that if Steve found out he’d blame you and not want you anymore? It sickens him, churns his stomach until bile rises in the back of his throat.

But now, as he sees tears track down your cheeks, he feels the burn of shame on his own for getting angry at you for what’s happened, for what you had to endure. And the worst part of it is that Steve can’t deny it, he understands why you kept silent. 

Because even after he had gone to see Dottie, a secret _he’s_ kept from you since you first woke up, he knew he could never speak of what she’d told him. When her memory had filtered through decades of family to place his unchanged features, she’d been thrilled that he was alive, but furious that you weren’t. 

She was just as sharp in her old age as she was in her youth and had told him nothing of what you’d gone through. Instead, when Steve pressed her, she berated him for leaving you behind. For choosing to sacrifice himself instead of coming home to the woman who loved him, who _needed_ him. 

She told him, in a voice as bitter as her anger, that in your grief you had been inconsolable. The girl you’d both loved was gone, died the day he did. The only real spark in your eyes came from the days before you left. At the time, she’d had no idea what you were doing. 

When Dottie received news of your disappearance, Dugan promised to go back and bring you home. But that wasn’t the first time she’d heard that. And so she blamed Steve and he tucked that secret inside of himself, buried it deep as he was determined to never have to relive it. The pain of thinking that he was to blame for your death wrecked him and he had no one to talk to. 

Back then, you couldn’t talk to anyone. You were afraid to go to the man you loved or even the friends you trusted. You were so alone; so convinced that Steve wouldn't want you if he knew and so remaining terrified and silent was all you could do. 

And he’s not certain, but being Captain America’s sweetheart had to have made things worse for you. Steve’s never been shy with his outward displays of affection, seeing the way he was with you must have made you more of a target. He had only met Don once, but even then he could tell the man was territorial of what he considered his. Steve just didn’t know that Don counted you amongst his possessions. 

You should _never_ have been in that kind of situation. Steve knows how much guilt and stress _he_ carries from who he is, and the choices he has to make. He can’t imagine what something like this did to you. 

Letting out a soft huff, Steve leans his head back against the elevator wall. At times like this, he wishes he could just hang up the shield and walk away. Because he’s sure if he did, things would be a lot easier. 

Maybe Don would’ve lost interest if you hadn’t been involved with someone as prominent and well known as Steve was. Maybe if he weren’t so preoccupied, he would’ve noticed the pain you were in.

His eyes drift to your stomach as you rest your hand on it. Against the odds, the two of you are going to have the family you so desperately wanted. It’s a miracle that you’ve gotten pregnant, is it too much to ask that he’s allowed to have this happiness? Hasn’t he given up enough, haven't _both of you_ sacrificed enough? 

Scrubbing a hand down his face, Steve turns toward the elevator doors as they open and starts walking toward his old room. He knows he needs to tell you all of this; explain exactly how he feels, lay it all out on the table and hope that you’ll understand. He’s never had an issue being vulnerable in front of you. 

Because it’s _you_ ; you’re the love of his life, the woman he wants to spend the rest of eternity with, the mother of his unborn child -

Steve freezes, hand on the door knob. The way he’s been acting is _exactly_ why you were afraid to tell him; he snapped at you, left and spent the night away when he should’ve been talking this through with you. You’re the one who had to live with this, not him. Who was he place any blame on you for what you went through? Especially when you've been through so damn much.

Spinning around, he takes in the devastation written on your face and speaks without thinking.

***

“I’m sorry.” Steve whispers, making you whip your head up and blink in confusion. “The way I’ve been acting is unacceptable. You needed me to be by your side and not let my feelings get in the way. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did.”

You take a step back, not sure you’ve heard him correctly. He’s apologizing? This certainly wasn’t what you’d expected; you’d been attempting to wrestle up the mental fortitude to try and defend yourself, defend your marriage. 

But then you realize that this is exactly what you were thinking about in the elevator. This is what he does; Steve pushes down his own feelings to focus on everyone else’s first. That’s why this exploded the way it did. If you really think about it, you’re certain now that there’s so much more to it than just Don; Steve’s been compartmentalizing his own stress and trauma for years. 

“No.” You blurt out. “Don’t you apologize to me.” You watch him rest on the edge of the bed as you shut the door behind you. “You can only take so much, Stevie.” 

At the lost expression on his face, you swallow back your anxiety and cross the distance to him. “We aren’t these people, you and I. We’ve always been able to talk to each other, even when the situation seems hopeless. How did we let it get this bad again?”

***

Before he can stop it, Steve can feel himself falling apart. He _never_ wanted this, never wanted to hurt you. And that’s exactly what he’s done. Even now, _you’re_ trying to comfort _him_. What kind of a man does that make him that he couldn’t protect his girl eighty years ago and he couldn’t even do it now. 

“I never wanted this,” he whispers, running a hand down his face. “I never wanted to hurt you and it seems that’s all I keep doing. Sweetheart, I understood why you were so afraid of me and blamed me for what I did under the influence of the serum. I blamed myself. And at the time I had no idea how deep your fear ran.” 

Dragging in an unsteady breath, he closes his eyes. “And with Schmidt? God, that was such a mess. Please understand how helpless I felt, like I wasn’t capable of protecting the people that meant the most to me.”

He meets your eyes when he opens his again, blinking away the evidence of his internalized anguish. “And when you almost died? I did everything I could to save you and it wasn’t enough. So I took the blame because I thought it was easier to let everyone hate me for what had happened to you so I wouldn’t hate myself.” 

When he looks up, Steve sees the confusion on your face but he’s not shocked by it. He’s buried so much of this down, hoping that it would never see the light of day. Things that he’s never wanted to admit to you, to admit out loud for fear that it would make him look weak.

It shouldn’t have surprised him that you’d do the same thing. The two of you really are more alike than he wants to admit. 

“And even though I set myself up for it, letting everyone think it was my fault that you were almost killed, destroyed me. Watching my teammates, my _friends_ turn on me _again_ for what was done to you? I almost couldn’t take it.” 

He scrubs a hand down his face. “And Tony was the worst. I respect his opinion more than I’d ever admit to him. So, you have no idea what his words did to me.”

You fold your arms across your chest and step closer to him. Your movements are hesitant, almost as if you’re afraid he’s going to snap at you. _Again_. You sit down beside him on the bed, carefully resting your hand on his knee. The warmth of your fingers on his leg is a comforting weight, grounding him here in this moment.

“And he had no right to say _any_ of that to you.” You assure him softly. “You did everything you could, in that room in the base and after. I’ll never believe you were at fault. You didn’t need Tony’s actions weighing on top of what you were already feeling.”

“You don’t understand.” He shakes his head, resting a hand on top of yours. “Since I got you back, I’ve been so afraid that every bit of happiness I had would be ripped away from me.” You tilt your head, opening your mouth to ask what he means by that. He gives you a tight smile as he continues.

“I survived when I shouldn’t’ve and in the back of my head, I knew that I didn’t deserve all these second chances. I was no better than anyone else. And now, even though Schmidt is dead, his men are still out there, and -”

“Steve, stop.” You let out a soft sigh. “You deserve to be happy; there’s a reason you survived Doctor Erskine’s serum _and_ the ice. Sweetheart, you deserve every second chance you’ve been given. No one has sacrificed as much as you have.” 

Turning your hand over, you squeeze his gently. “And I had no idea that any of this was still bothering you. I don’t want to sound like a hypocrite but, why didn’t you talk to me about all this?”

Steve sighs as he stares into the softness of your eyes. “How could I? I’m supposed to be... strong. I’m Captain America, I lead the Avengers. I just deal with what’s bothering me on my own, when I can. You’ve never needed my mess on top of what you’re dealing with. Especially now.”

Your fingers run soothingly across the back of his hand, making Steve take a deep calming breath as you speak. “Stevie, I thought we agreed to talk about everything that was bothering us.” Steve raises an eyebrow without meaning to.

“I know,” you agree, “Don is a different matter entirely, and I know I shouldn’t have carried that alone. But you are strong, the strongest man I’ve ever known, you know you can talk to me.”

You squeeze his leg reassuringly. “We’re supposed to be a team, how can we do that if you’re the one carrying everyone’s baggage. Let me help you and we can work through the rest together.” 

Steve understands immediately what you’re really asking him. Forgive you for hiding Don and move forward together. Earlier today, he was so angry. So determined to stay that way, even when you begged him to forgive you. 

But as you stare at him now, eyes shining with adoration for him and hope that he’ll choose you over his own anger, Steve knows he can let it all out. Knows that the one thing _he’s_ been hiding, doesn’t have to stay buried any longer. You’ll understand and from there, you can both move on from this. 

Silence stretches between the two of you, making the spacious room Steve once called home, feel like the walls are closing in on him. 

Dropping his head into his hands, Steve lets out a heavy sigh and pulls in a shuddering breath. “I’m just so tired, sweetheart. I’m tired of all of this; tired of the responsibility that comes with that shield, I’m tired of horrible things happening to you, to us, because of who I am.”

Running his hands through his hair, Steve tilts his head up. “I tell myself that I’m okay with everything, because I have to be. But I’m not. I try to be a good man, I would never willingly hurt you. I lead this team to the best of my ability and I get constant shit from Nick, from Tony.” 

His eyes flicker to you quickly before dropping back down to the ground. “From _you_ sometimes. I’m just so goddamned tired and I don’t know where to go from here.” 

Without looking up, Steve can hear your sharp inhalation of breath. “I… I don’t even know where to start. But don’t you _ever_ think that I regret being with you because of what’s happened to me. Stevie, having you by my side has helped me survive all of it. You are not to blame, for any of the horrible things we’ve dealt with.” 

When he shakes his head, you gently cup his cheek. “As for being tired? That’s okay. You have so much you carry everyday.” The pad of your thumb runs across his skin softly. “I’m sorry that I’ve given you grief, I didn’t realize how hard I push you sometimes. I wish you’d brought it up before it exploded so I could’ve fixed it.”

Steve leans into your touch; it’s always calmed him and despite the distance in your hearts, it comforts him still. “With Tony and Nick, who cares what they think? You know that I care deeply about Tony, but ultimately _you,_ my love, are my priority. You _are_ a good man. You always have been, that’s why I fell in love with you.”

You hand stills, making him look up to meet your eyes. “Where you want to go from here is wherever you want. If you truly want to hang up the shield, I would one hundred percent support you. I love you for you, not your title. But I don’t think you’d be happy sitting at home; you’re at your best when you’re out there helping people, making the world a safer place.”

Steve smiles, soft and genuine. You’re right. In that moment, he’s reminded of a conversation he had with Tony, what seems like forever ago. He had told Tony he wished he could just walk away and ignore the pain he saw in the world. Tony had immediately called him out on it, reminding him that that wasn’t who he was. Steve Rogers couldn’t walk away. 

“So how can I help you with all of this?” You ask him, bringing him back to this moment. “Because if… if you want to leave me,” you swallow back a small sob as your hand falls to your lap. “I’m not going to lie and say that I’d be okay with it. Steve, you’re my soulmate; I’d be devastated if you decided to... to end this. But at the end of the day, I want what’s best for you, for you to be happy. And if that’s a life without me, then I’d have to do my best to accept that.”

That startles him. Not once during this mess has Steve ever thought about wanting to leave you. He loves you too much, needs you too much, to ever consider a life without you in it. But hearing that you’d push aside what you wanted if it meant him being happy, stitches up something inside him that’s been torn for a very long time. 

“ _No_ ,” Steve answers vehemently. “I… I don’t want to leave you. I’d never want that. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you and we’re going to have a family. I just… I can’t take any more secrets. You being more comfortable talking to a stranger over me? It tore me in half because even when the rest of my world was too heavy, I thought I always had you in my corner.”

“Stevie, you do -”

Swallowing hard to push back tears, Steve shakes his head. “I wanted to be furious with you and I believe me, I _was_ angry. But honestly, I was more hurt to think that you didn’t trust me enough back then and it’s not like you haven't had multiple opportunities to talk to me about Don now.” At your widened eyes and hurt expression, Steve sighs and realizes he needs to better clarify.

“Please understand, it’s not _what_ happened to you that made me upset with you. I would never be angry at you for what that bastard did. It was only that I felt you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. I would never have kept a secret like that from you and to find out that you hid this from me for eighty years? It... it makes me question everything.”

***

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as your eyes start to water. “I swear to you,” you whisper, purposely meeting his eyes. “There are no more secrets now. And the only reason I felt comfortable talking to John was because he would go home and I’d never have to think about it again. Please believe me, I thought that I was protecting you by not telling you. But I realize just how _selfish_ I’ve been for keeping this from you.”

Steve’s eyes widen as you speak. Whether it’s in disbelief or uncertainty, you aren’t sure. But the second you’ve said it, you know you mean it.

“I swear on my life, I trust you more than anyone in this world. But Stevie, sometimes it’s just easier to talk to someone who isn't connected to the situation at all. I don’t care what John thinks of me but _you…_ ” You smile sadly. “You mean everything to me and I couldn’t bear to have you look at me with the same pity that he did.”

“I’d never look at you like that.” He murmurs, gently tucking your hair behind your ear. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”

You reach up for his hand. “I don’t feel that way, I feel like I’ve been so selfish since I woke up here. I’ve made you change so much from what you were used to just because I didn’t feel like I fit in. And that wasn’t fair to you.”

Tears dot along your lash line as you stare into the soft kindness of his eyes. “All those times I yelled at you after the coma, when I held the serum’s actions against you? I was no better than my own father. I hurt you and I never meant to. I’m so sorry that I acted that way towards you; it’s not ever what I wanted for you, for us.”

When he attempts to interrupt you, you shake your head. “It’s always been _you_ comforting _me_ ; you’ve always had to be so fearless, so invincible. You shouldn't have to be all the time. I know there’s been times when you’ve wanted to fall apart and you haven't let yourself. You do it all the time, you push it all down and that’s never been fair to you.”

You rise from the bed, slowly starting to pace back and forth. “You don't have to be so strong, I love that you are, but you have all the right in the world to fall apart. I’ve done it countless times and you’ve always been there to pick me back up, in this time and in the forties.” 

You turn towards him, folding your arms across your chest. “Let me carry the weight for once. I can manage it if it means that you get a slight reprieve from the stress of your responsibilities. You’ve always been so open and honest, just let me -”

“I haven’t.” Steve cuts you off, his omission filing you with confusion. “God, that’s the thing. Here I go, preaching about honesty and being furious for you choosing to keep something from me that you knew would hurt if I found out. I’ve done the same thing countless times; hidden something from you under the guise of not wanting to hurt you. But this...” He shakes his head solemnly.

You furrow your brow as you stare at him, letting your arms fall to your sides. “Stevie, it’s okay. I can promise you that whatever you’ve kept inside, it isn’t your fault. Nothing that’s happened to us is. It never was, never will be.”

He looks away from you then, his eyes dark with anguish. “Sweetheart, when I first woke up, you know that I tried to track everyone down and see that they had lived a full life after I was gone. I told you how I looked into you immediately; the file said presumed dead.” When you nod in silent acknowledgement, Steve drags in a shuddering breath. 

“I found Dottie and I never told you. She told me that you had gone out looking for me. Because of me, my actions, you were out there in the field. I knew I was responsible for your death. She blamed me, told me it was my fault for your fate. I knew she was upset, she’d loved you too. But she was right.” A stray tear drops onto his pants as he sniffles.

“And when you came back to me?” Steve’s voice is barely a whisper. “I never told you that I knew what had happened to you. I couldn’t. I was just so happy to have you back.”

Your mind reels; he knew you’d been in the field? Steve _knew_ how difficult his death had been for you, how utterly destroyed you were by it, because Dottie had told him? “So that day in the Director’s office?” You ask, inhaling sharply through your nose.

“I lied.” Steve admits, lifting his head to stare up at you. “I had to act like I had no idea you’d been in the field. How could I admit that I knew? How could I tell you that I knew I was responsible for what happened to you then? That it was my fault?” 

The raw fear you see in the blue of his eyes gives you pause. You have every right to get furious. Steve did the same thing yesterday. But you aren’t. Instead, you’re flooded with a mixture of understanding and sympathy. 

You understand how he felt. How terrified he was that you’d blame him for what happened, just as Dottie had done. 

“Steven, I went because I wanted to.” You crouch down in front of him, resting your hands on his legs. “Yes, I went to find you. But that was because I wanted to have you home, where you belonged. As far as we knew, that base was empty and it has been months in the planning. With me or without me, the Commandos were going. I just refused to be left behind.” 

Tilting your head, you give him a small half smile. “I don’t want you to think that what happened to me was your fault. Or that I ever regretted going on that mission, because I didn't. Darling, going with them meant I got to see you again, to marry you. I will never be able to thank you enough for allowing me to do that.”

“But, sweetheart -”

“No.” You firmly shake your head. “Please listen to me. Because I went to find you, I'm able to be here with you now.” His eyes widen as he realizes the truth to your words.

“You have always been my savior.” You tell him softly. “You saved me from my father and even though you didn’t know it, your love gave me a reason to keep fighting when the situation with Don made me hopeless. I don’t blame you for what happened to me. Meeting you brought me to life, Steven. You’ve given me so much, so much that I can _never_ repay you for.”

Steve’s face crumbles at your words. Every bit of stress, worry and anger that’s nestled itself on his shoulders for years, starts to shake and drop away as tears track lines down his cheeks. You don’t say anything else as you rise up to sit beside him, just wrap your arms around his shaking form and let him cry until his tears run dry. 

When he finally looks up, you wipe the last vestiges of tears from his cheeks as he meets your eyes. “I love you so much sweetheart, _both of you_.” He rests his hand on your stomach. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’m so sorry for snapping at you yesterday _and_ for leaving. I’ll never -”

“Don’t apologize, my love.” Your fingers gently cup his face. “I put so much on you and sometimes, I forget to stop and see how you’re doing. For that, _I’m_ sorry.”

Steve takes your hand and squeezes it gently. “For the record, my love? I would never have thrown you away. I could never, _ever_ , see you as dirty or damaged. You are the love of my life, the only woman I want by my side. There is nothing you could have done, or said that would make me not want you. On my life, I swear that to you.”

When you smile, he leans forward, pressing his lips to yours. He pours his apology into the way his lips move against yours. When his hands wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him, you let out a soft sigh of relief and allow yourself to be moved. Threading your fingers into his hair, you smile against his mouth. Everything will be alright now, you’re sure of it. 

As if reading your mind, Steve pulls back, staring down at your kiss swollen lips before meeting your eyes with a soft smile. “Let’s go home, sweetheart.” When you nod, elation filling your heart, he carefully lifts you, bridal style, and carries you out of the room toward the elevator.


	88. Chapter Eighty- Eight

The ride back is filled with soft conversation; quiet reassurances from both of you that everything will be alright now that what Don did to you is out in the open. Steve keeps his hand firmly clasped in yours as he drives, his fingers warm around your own. It’s a comfort you were terrified you’d never feel again.

When he turns the Audi onto the gravel road leading up to the house, Steve furrows his brow in confusion. You follow his gaze, matching his expression. Tony’s pacing back and forth, anxiously, on your front porch. You turn to Steve, not sure what to say. You told Bucky you were going to the tower, so it’s not like you’ve been missing for hours. 

Steve shrugs when you tell him that, slowing the car to a stop near the barn. “He’s probably just worried about you, angry at the shit I pulled.” He gives you a tight smile. “It's not like I haven’t given him a reason to lately.”

“You didn't pull anything, Stevie. And he doesn’t look angry.” You reassuringly squeeze his hand as you watch Tony jog down the steps. “He does look worried though.”

Shutting off the car, Steve leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Well then, let’s go face the music, sweetheart.” Opening the door, Steve steps out with raised hands. “Tony, hey.” He greets cautiously. “Everything’s alright, she and I are -”

“Hey, kids.” Tony shoves his hands into his pockets as you both walk around the car. “Glad to see that things are looking up. Hate it when mom and dad fight.” He lets out a quick, high laugh and gestures with his head toward your front door. “Got a minute? Cause we really need to talk.”

Sensing his distress, you follow Tony into your house without question and watch as he grabs his suit jacket off the back of the couch. You turn to sit on the couch as Tony shuffles around in front of you. 

When he turns, he’s holding a silver filigree pistol in his hands. It takes you a minute, but you’re sure the more you stare at it, you realize you recognize it. It may have been decades since you’ve first laid eyes on it, but it makes you no less uneasy than it did when it fell out of Howard’s glovebox and into your lap. You tense up at first, not understanding why Tony has it. 

“Tony,” Steve asks, stepping protectively in front of you. “What’s going on? Why do you have that?”

Tony stares down at, his expression soft and full of reverence. “Do you know what this is, Cap?” When shakes his head, Tony glances up, setting the pistol on the coffee table. 

“This was my father’s Steyr- Hahn. He loved this damn gun, kept it locked away in his desk drawer all my life. I wasn’t allowed to touch it, obviously, so that made me want to even more. I didn’t understand why it was so important to him. It was just a piece of metal.”

Tony lets out a slow breath before running a shaky hand through his hair. “Turns out, this is all that’s left of the most important thing my father ever did. And no one ever knew.” He meets your eyes carefully. “This is the gun my father used to murder Don Whitmore.”

Your hand flies to your mouth as the room starts to spin. You reach out for Steve, wanting to stand but your feet won’t cooperate. Howard killed Don? How did he even know for sure - _Dottie_. Dottie must have told him. She was the only one who knew. 

You don’t know what to think; confusion and relief course through you. You knew that Don had to be dead, there’s no way he’d still be alive now. He’d be well over a hundred. But to know that Howard had done the deed himself, that sends a sense of assuagement through you that you weren’t expecting.

“I started looking into it,” Tony explains, reaching over to pick up the gun. “And Jesus Christ there was so much, Whitmore was an awful son of a bitch, Ace. I am so sorry -”

“I’m not.” Steve says suddenly, interrupting Tony’s explanation. “Are you certain Howard killed him?”

Tony grins, turning the pistol over in her hands. “Awfully difficult thing to do, trace evidence to a murder in 1946. Boston PD found him floating in the Charles River; he’s been beaten to hell and in the water for a few days at least. There were no fingerprints, no evidence of another person, aside from the bullet in Whitmore’s head.”

He slides open the chamber, showing you both the markings on the inside. “The bullet was a basic 9mm, nothing special about that. But here's the thing, once the bullet leaves the chamber, it’s damaged; completely stripped on the side. And then it’s special.” 

Tony shrugs as he looks back and forth from you to the gun. “Suppose it could’ve been a robbery. But the photographs from the autopsy, and they’re pretty damn grainy, show obvious striations on the bullet. It had to have been shot from a Styr- Hahn. And at this point, there’s no way that was a coincidence. So yeah, my old man definitely killed him.”

Steve leans back, stunned into silence. 

You open your mouth, drag in a shaky breath and before you can stop yourself, tears are sliding down your cheeks. The sound that comes out of you is a broken sob. Howard promised, he promised to keep you safe and even when the two of you weren’t together anymore and you’d both stopped speaking to each other, he still kept his word. 

You can’t believe it. Howard risked everything to eliminate the brutal monster that tormented you and you’d had no idea. You wonder if Dottie knew what he’d done. Then realize of course she did. She most likely helped him plan. No one would suspect that Dottie Haywood and Howard Stark had conspired to kill a man they didn’t know. 

And they got away with it. 

Steve pulls you closer to him, wrapping his arm comfortingly around you. “It’s alright sweetheart. You’re alright. You’re safe.” He lifts his head, inclining it in Tony’s direction. “How on earth did you figure all of this out?”

Tony lets out the same high, nervous laugh that slipped when he first walked in your house. “I had no idea.” Tony assures you, as he folds his arms across his chest. “You get that, right? I grew up hearing this story and I didn’t know. I didn’t put it together until last night.”

“Story?” You ask, sitting up and sniffling. “Anthony, what are you talking about?”

With a small smile, Tony pushes himself to his feet and starts to anxiously pace back and forth. His voice comes out rushed and tight; emotional yet determined to make you understand. He speaks of a king and a knight, both of whom fell in love with a powerful sorceress. 

The tale he recites from memory is both sweet and sad. You immediately see the similarities between Howard and the King, as well as Steve and the knight. You can’t help but smile at the fact of Howard putting you so high on a pedestal that you were literally magical. 

Tony stops pacing, arms folded across his chest as he turns. “This part,” he says softly. “This is how I knew. And Ace, you’re the one who reminded me.”

When you tilt your head in confusion, Tony unfolds his hands to hold up a finger. “The monster was an evil creature that had decided he wanted to claim the sorceress for his own. When the king and the knight weren’t looking, he would torment the sorceress; take away her magic and weaken her, just because it made him stronger to do so.”

Your hands fly up to cover the gasp that slips out of your mouth. Tony nods, carrying on with his voice barely about a whisper. “Howard told me the monster made threats to the sorceress, and hurt her just because he could. He told her if she didn’t give up her power to him, he’d destroy the king, the knight, and anyone she called family.”

He smiles at you, warm and reassuring. “The sorceress refused to let that happen, you see. She loved them all too much to let them be hurt. So she hid the monster from those she cared about; shouldering the burden alone to keep the kingdom protected.”

He walks around to the coffee table and perches on the edge of it. When Steve nods, Tony reaches for your hand and squeezes it gently. ”She did what she thought she had to do.”

When tears slide down your cheeks again, you drop your head. Steve leans over and kisses your temple. You have no idea how he feels about hearing this story. The story of just how much Howard loved you. You want to steal a glance, see if there's anger in the cerulean of his eyes, but can’t bring yourself to do so. Just in case there is. 

Tony’s voice brings you back from your thoughts. “When the monster came for her again,” he says, “after the knight had been lost in battle, the king was furious.”

Your head shoots up; this was the day at the hospital, you’re sure of it. “He tried to trick the king into befriending him even though he had just hurt the sorceress but he wasn’t fooled; he saw how afraid the sorceress was and stepped in to protect her.”

Tony inclines his head and smiles. “The king knew the sorceress loved him then; calling him her _brave knight in golden armor._ The king was beside himself with happiness, for having golden armor was far better than to simply shine. He was truly happy for the first time in a long time.”

“I said that to him, you know I did.” You whisper through your tented fingers. Looking up at Steve, you move your hands to clasp his. “Stevie, please understand, I had lost you. I thought you were dead. And Howard -”

“Howard did _exactly_ what he’d always promised me, darling.” Steve’s expression is light, full of respect and something like disbelief. “He protected you when I was gone. I knew he’d always keep you safe because he loved you as much as I did.” 

Both yours and Tony’s jaws drop in absolute shock. Steve smiles at your faces. “Howard and I didn’t always see eye to eye, but I knew he’d keep you safe when I was away. And I know he tried, he just didn’t know about Don. When he found out, and I was already gone, he did something about it. I only wish I could’ve been there to see it myself. To help Howard finish Don off.”

You don’t know what to say. For a moment, you were worried that Steve would see this as another betrayal. Another thing that Howard got to share with you and he didn’t. Your eyes meet his as he gently runs his thumb over your cheek. “Howard kept you alive and darling, look where we are now; married and about to have a son.” 

Steve turns to Tony with a tight smile. “I wish I could thank your father, I can never repay him for what he’s given me.” He cocks his head in question. “Was there a full investigation? Surely Howard was never implicated?”

“Looks like there was, he was the Chief at that point. City wanted to know what happened to him. But they never figured it out. My old man was careful.” Tony nods, lifting his head. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.? Pull up everything we found last night on Whitmore.”

“Sure thing, boss.” She responds, flooding your main wall with images of the police report, autopsy files and old newspaper stories involving him and your father. Seeing Don’s photograph again sends shivers down your spine. 

Steve sees your discomfort and begins soothingly rubbing your back. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to see this.” He offers, leaning forward to kiss your shoulder. 

You shake your head, staring up at the wall. “No, I’m alright. I… I want to see this. I need to see this. It’ll give me closure.”

It’s all awful, everything that Don did when he wasn’t actively trying to hurt you. The violent assaults, the missing persons, all of it makes your skin crawl. 

When Tony moves his fingers to zoom in on the autopsy report, a name you recognize flits across the screen. “Wait!” You say suddenly, rising to your feet. “Bring back that report, the one from late 1944.” Tony nods, pulling up the newspaper article. 

As your eyes scan the lines, you feel the familiar sting of tears. “Oh, Pete.” You murmur sadly. “You didn’t deserve that.” Steve furrows his brow, recognizing the name once you’ve said it. You turn around and carefully wipe the tears that keep streaming from your face. 

“I knew him.” You explain to Tony, folding your arms across your chest. “Pete Nowicki was a friend of mine. Not that I had many, my father saw to that. But Pete came into the diner all the time, always asking to sit at my booth. He was sweet, gentle. I never told anyone about him and, I didn’t want to, but I always said no when he asked me out. I was afraid of what my father would do if he found out.”

Tony furrows his brow in confusion. “I thought your old man wanted to marry you off, Ace. Wouldn’t he want someone to take an interest?” 

Steve connects the dots before Tony does. “Not _that_ boy. It was a different time, Tony.” His lips press together in a tight line as he shrugs his shoulders. “We were a country ready to go to war. Anyone who was different, who was…” He sighs heavily. “It was dangerous to not be like everyone else.”

“Saying ‘yes’ to Pete when he asked, would have been an immediate death sentence for him.” You suppress a shudder. “My father would’ve seen to that.”

Tony scrubs a hand down his face. “Jesus Christ. I don’t know how you guys survived it.”

“We were luckier than most.” You admit softly. “But Pete -” You sniffle and wipe your eyes. “I turned him down to keep him safe and when we saw him again at the hotel?” 

You look up at Steve. “The night you met my father? I just knew he was responsible for Pete’s leg. I told him how sorry I was and that he’d be better off if he never spoke of me again.”

“I didn’t know how you knew him.” Steve says, scrunching his face to the memory. “But I assumed it was from before. That entire day was exhausting, so I didn’t push. That night, when you cut your hand on the gin bottle, I panicked and asked him to give me a key to your room. He said he would if I promised to keep you safe from _him._ At the time, I assumed he meant your father.”

You nod, moving back toward the couch. “I know, I’m sorry I didn’t let you know otherwise. That was the last time I saw Pete. I didn’t think Don knew who he was. Would’ve taunted me with it if he did.” You suppress your rising shudder. “He enjoyed telling him how much he wanted to kill you, and Dottie. Even Howard, if I didn’t obey.”

“It’s all over now.” Steve reassures you, winding his arm around your waist. “I’m so sorry for what happened to your friend. He didn’t deserve that.” You nod, letting fresh tears fall as you rest your head on Steve’s shoulder.

After a few moments, Tony tilts his head. “How did my old man find out, if you didn’t tell him?” 

“Do you remember me telling you about Dottie? My best friend?” Tony nods and you sit up straight. “Dottie found out at the very end,” you explain with a small shrug. “It was an accident, but I know her actions saved me. She must’ve gone to Howard right after.” 

Steve pulls you close to him and wraps his arms around your shaking shoulders. You swallow back a small sob. “Don had followed me home and forced his way in. He’d been angry because I hadn’t put up much of a fight the last few times he… raped me. I had lost Steve, I… I didn’t want to fight him anymore.”

Steve’s arms tense around you but he stays silent. “So this time, he brought his gun. He’d threatened me with it before, but he’d never… brought it with him to the bedroom. He ordered me to put up a fight. If I didn’t, he'd shoot me and then he’d shoot Dottie when she came home.” 

You close your eyes, not willing to watch the horror on Tony’s face. “So I fought back. Don liked the fight, the struggle of all of it. He got off on my fear of him. I can’t ever wipe from my mind the things he’d say to me each time he had me cuffed to my bed.” 

When you open your eyes, Tony’s covered his mouth in shock.

“Dottie wasn’t supposed to be home, not for a few more hours. Don would be long gone and I’d be able to clean myself up and she’d have no idea. It was a ritual I had down to a science. Years of abuse will do that to you.” 

Tony makes a sound of disgust in the back of his throat as you continue. “But she… she finished her photo shoot early and Don was still there. I was still tied down.” You stare down at your hands.

“She walked in, must’ve heard me crying. She had her gun, but Don must’ve heard her coming because he pulled his. He pressed it against my forehead and told her that if she didn’t put hers down, he’d kill me.”

Steve’s arms tense around you and you seek comfort by pressing yourself against him. “She was terrified, but she tried not to show it. But that was Dottie, full of confidence and not afraid of anything. She put it down when I told her to run. He still cocked his gun and pressed it back against my head to prove that he’d kill me without blinking.” 

Using the heel of your hand to wipe your eyes, you inhale deeply before continuing. “Somehow she was able to shoot him in the arm and when she told him she wouldn’t miss a second time, he left.” You pull your lower lip between your teeth. “It was the last time I ever saw him and once she’d gotten me uncuffed, she begged me to tell her everything.” 

“Did you?” Tony asks, his hand still covering his mouth. “How did you…”

You shrug helplessly. “She was a lot like you, Tony. Tenacious when she wanted something. And I trusted her as much as I trust you, so once I started talking, it all poured out of me.” You drag in a shuddering breath. “Somewhere she started crying and once I was done, she promised me that Don would never touch me again. I assumed she was just trying to comfort me.”

“She went to my father.” Tony surmises. “And I’m sure having his suspicions confirmed just set everything in motion.” He smiles softly. “I’ll say it again, I would’ve loved that girl.”

“You would’ve.” Steve agrees, gently squeezing your shoulder. “She was a hell of a dame and a fierce friend. We were lucky to have her. And Howard.”

Tony sniffs, pushing down an emotion he’ll refuse to name when it comes to his father. “Yeah, I'm getting that.” 

After a moment, he pushes himself to his feet. “I know that he’s long dead, but I thought you might want to know for sure that Whitmore could never hurt you again. I didn’t know where the two of you stood, but F.R.I.D.A.Y. told Pepper and I that,” he glances to Steve, “Cap hadn’t come home last night. I figured that maybe I could help ease some of the troubled water under this bridge.”

You rise and wrap your arms around him. “Thank you.” You sigh, pushing yourself up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “For everything.”

Steve stands and wraps his arms around both of you. “I second that.” He murmurs with a soft chuckle. “Guess we should ask him what we discussed in the car, huh sweetheart?” 

You tilt your head up and smile. “I think now's as good a time as any.”

Steve leans back, grinning at Tony’ confused face. “So, we know it’s still early. But with our lives, you can’t be too careful, right? And we both agree, especially now, knowing what your father did to keep her safe, that there’s no one better to take care of our little one should the unthinkable happen.”

Tony steps back, eyes flitting between you and your husband. “Steve, Ace, are you asking -”

“Anthony,” you ask hopefully. “Will you be our baby’s godfather?”

Tony runs a hand down his face then breaks into a huge grin. “Yeah, ye- yes! Of course I will. I love you crazy kids, I already love him.”

“Do you think Pepper will say yes to being his godmother?” Steve asks, running a hand through his hair. “We want her to.”

“She’ll be thrilled, honest.” He gestures to the door. “If you guys are okay now, and you’re up for it, we can go ask her.”

You thread your fingers through Steve’s. “Steve and I have never been better.” You assure him. “Let’s go.” With Steve’s hand in yours, you make your way to the front door. 

Your head is still spinning, Howard killed Don. Dottie knew about it. It’s so much to process, yet you have never felt more safe, more content. Steve knows everything, there’s no looming secret anymore. For the first time in a long time, you feel like you can take a deep breath and not be afraid that something is hiding just around the corner.

***

Tony’s machine seems to have hit a stalemate, or so he thinks. He was able to adjust the scope to portal outward now that Loki’s here, but he can’t keep the power going for more than a few seconds. 

Tony scrunches his face in contemplation as he wheels himself out from under it. “You just gotta give me a few more days, Houdini, and I know I can get this thing going. We’ll get you home.” 

“I think if we grab Loki,” you suggest lightly, “your science and his magic would get this machine working.”

“I’m not too worried about it, handsome.” John watches him slide back under the body of the machine. “I know you’ll eventually sort it out.” You watch with a small smile as John’s eyes drift toward the sliding door in Tony’s shop. He stands straight when Bucky walks into the room. “Speaking of handsome…”

Bucky observes the three of you for a moment before shaking his head and backing out of the room. With a smirk that can only mean trouble, John pushes away from the table and follows after him. You roll your eyes as you, too, head out of the workshop to ensure he doesn’t get himself thrown out a window for all his pestering.

“Listen, buddy.” You can hear Bucky sigh. “You’ve been hounding me for days. I’m not gonna let you touch it.”

“Come on, handsome.” John chuckles as you round the corner. “Just once, eh? Maybe you just toss me around a touch. I need to know if it's as deadly as it looks.”

When you lean against the wall to watch what will inevitably be an interesting conversation, Bucky raises an eyebrow, letting an unimpressed expression cross his features. “It’s attached to _me_. I promise you, it is.”

“You’re saying all the wrong bloody things if you want to turn me off, mate.”

You stifle a giggle as you get closer to the two of them. John’s got Bucky cornered between the door to the elevator and the side wall. Bucky’s face is scrunched in annoyance; it takes everything in you not to warn John about ‘poking the bear’. 

Bucky steps to the side, only for John to parrot his movements and block the path. Bucky scrubs his flesh hand down his face as he huffs out a breath. “Move.” He orders, his tone filled with annoyance. “I have a briefing to get to.” 

John smirks, pleased by how quickly he can rile Bucky up. “Reckon I’d fancy you making me.” Bucky narrows his eyes but doesn’t say anything. “Come on, mate. I just want to see how strong you are.”

Bucky attempts to side step him and when John blocks the path a final time, Bucky finally snaps. Quicker than either of you thought possibly, Bucky’s vibranium arm shoots out and wraps around John’s neck. He slams the smaller man against the wall. “Is this what you wanted?” Bucky snaps, leaning down until his face is inches from John’s.

“Something like this, mate, yeah.” John chokes out, gripping Bucky’s forearm.

Once you’ve gotten over your initial shock, you rush forward toward the two of them. “James!” You whack his shoulder. “Let go of him! He can’t breathe!”

“No, no, luv.” John assures you with a raspy laugh. “Trust me, I’m having a bloody good time.”

Bucky rolls his eyes, shoving John a little harder before letting go. “You satisfied?” He asks, as John slides down to the floor with a heaving cough. 

“You bet, handsome.” John pushes himself up with his elbow. “You’re stronger than you look, ain’t ya? I reckon I wouldn’t mind having a row between the sheets with you.” 

“You couldn’t handle me.” Bucky arches his eyebrow as he presses the elevator button. He keeps it raised until the doors ping and he can step through.

“John,” you scold, helping him to his feet. “Don’t antagonize him, he could’ve seriously hurt you.” When John flashes you a crooked grin, telling you that pushing people’s buttons is just who he is, you can see why his girl was so smitten with him. Between the accent and the confidence, she must’ve fallen head over heels. 

You’re about to tell him that, remind him of what he needs to do when he does get home, when you hear Peter swear from the end of the hallway. You turn with a raised eyebrow. He’s completely frozen, save for the fact that he’s slowly pulling out his headphones. 

“Peter, are you alright?” You ask as he suddenly comes barreling down the hall. He nods, stopping inches from you. 

“I know you.” Peter says, pointing at John in disbelief. When John laughs and assures him that, no he certainly doesn’t, Peter opens his phone and starts furiously typing. He holds the phone in front of himself. “The trench coat, the red tie, the blond hair. You’re John Constantine.”

Peering down at the screen, you squint as you read the blurb aloud. “ _The titular Hellblazer, Constantine is a working-class warlock, occult detective, and con man, who is stationed in London. He is known for his endless cynicism, deadpan snarking, ruthless cunning, and constant chain smoking, but he is also a passionate humanitarian driven by a heartfelt desire to do some good in his life.”_

“Well, they got a few bloody things right.” John rolls his eyes. “I _am_ cunning and a touch cynical, but they forgot handsome, didn’t they?”

Peter slips his phone into his pocket. “How is this possible? Cause I have all your comics at home. Ned, uh, he’s my best friend, he liked them first. I mean, I thought they were kinda boring, but after a few they got really good. This is so freaking awesome.” 

“Boring?” John laughs. “Listen here old son, I’m a devious tosser, walked through the fires of Hell itself and lived to tell the tale. I’m the greatest sorcerer alive. Not a bloody thing about me is boring.”

You raise your eyebrow but can’t find it in you to argue. In the short time that John's been here, so much has happened. A few things he was inadvertently the cause of. You have to agree, nothing about the man is boring. 

Peter holds out his hand to John, shaking it aggressively as he continues talking. “I’m sorry. I mean, you’re awesome. But how did you end up here? Is this like a muli-verse thing? Is that a thing? I mean, it’s gotta be, right? Cause how else would you be here? John Constantine, how _cool_ is this?”

Realizing that he’s been babbling, he stops himself just as Tony walks out of his shop. “You good, kid?” Tony laughs, folding his arms across his chest. Peter points, dumbfounded, as he tries to form words again. 

“John is a comic book character on our earth, the same way you and Steve are in his.” You offer, by way of explanation. John shrugs, letting a playful grin overtake his face.

Tony nods his head in response. “Gotcha. Well, comic books or not, I think I fixed it. Let’s get Rock of Ages, cause Houdini? You’re going home.”

***

Pulling away from you, John smiles softly. “Reckon I’ll miss you lot more than I intended.” He takes his flask from you and slips it in his pocket. “Cheers for giving it back, I’d’ve missed this too.”

Steve smiles back, extending his hand out for John to take. “And we’ll miss you. Thank you John, I’m sure it wasn't your intention, but you helped my wife and I move past something that would have destroyed us.”

“Well big man, I reckon you and the missus are the reason I intend to look my girl up when I get back home.” He lets out a soft sigh. “ _I_ destroyed us, but the optimism that Mrs. Rogers over there has, makes me believe that I can fix it. If my girl will have me.”

You pull him back in for another hug. “She will, John. Talk to her, she can handle it. Whatever the monster that you have to face is planning, you must believe that what you have together is stronger. A love like yours can withstand anything.”

“I hope so, luv.” John grins. “I bloody well hope so.” He turns around to face Tony and Loki. “Alright gents, allons-y Alonso. I’m ready when you are then.” He steps up onto the platform, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Take care of yourselves, ey? Be careful.” 

“We will.” Steve assures him, leading you back to a safe distance. “You too, John.”

John gives a little wave as brightness envelopes him. “I always am.” 

And with that, the light overtakes the room, making you close your eyes to it. When it fades and you open them again, John Constantine is gone; back on his earth with the girl he loves. You turn to Steve, the man you love more than anything and ask him to take you home. 

It’s been a long few weeks and you want nothing more than to get lost in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can't wait for you to fall in love with our version of Howard. Because you will. And Dottie too. Who would've thought that Don would have met his end that way. We can't wait to expand on that in the prequel. It'll be so damn satisfying.
> 
> Also, the amount of research we did to ensure this murder would never trace back to Howard. Hoo boy. One of us knows way more about handguns from the 40s than we ever thought we would. It's fine.
> 
> Johnny, you just had to keep pushing. Although, he liked being manhandled probably more than he should. And at last, John heads home to where he belongs. We'll miss him here, he fit in better than we could have hoped. 
> 
> Til next time, dear readers <3 Thank you for your love and support!


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